06x16 - Tracy Morgan, Heidi Gardner & Kevin Nealon

[bunniefuu]

Come on, come on 'cause we're having a

ball We're just making some calls to

strangers We're back on the cell when the

world's gone to hell But you're gonna

feel swell when they

pick up From New York to

Alabama

Someone throw our a*s in the slam Because

we're disturbing others Maybe even your

mother Won't you join the Crank Yankers

tonight Crank Yankers!

All right, let's go. Let's do it.

Plano. And y'all do pottery, right?

Mm-hmm, we do have pottery tools,

and we have some, like, plasticine clay.

My friends call me Spooney Love and a

situation happened with me and my lady

last night. We was watching. You remember

Ghosts?Remember that movie Ghosts?I don't

watch many movies, so sorry, I don't.

Well, well, him and his lady was doing

pottery. Oh, and me and my lady, we

started trying to role play last night

and we were making a pot,

a pot with the pottery and the clay

and it got sexual with me and her. And we

started making sexual stuff. Like we took

the pottery, we made a vag*na, we

made a big-a*s p*nis. And, you know, then

it got hard. And me and her were stuck

together. OK. Oh, my goodness. Do you

need anything here, Sir?Wait. Yeah, we

need some help from you guys. OK. I don't

know how we're going to do this. Can you?

Since this stuff got hard and

we stuck into this. Oh, the clay got

hard. Yes,

yes, yesWe don't

do like service calls. Oh

my God. If you need something, you can

come here. We can't. Me and her stuck

together. OK. That might be a

situation for 911, Sir. They only

sell water supplies. Well, we got

really into the clay. OK. And the

clay is all over us. And I was doing

doggy style with her. Yeah, I don't. I

don't need to know any of the details,

but you use water. Yeah, you can use

water. We wanted it to be really close.

So we started rolling. We put put the

plastic down on the floor. OK. And we

started having sex. And I she said she

wanted me to mount her. She wanted me

behind her. She wanted to feel me. And we

started doing it. And then all of a

sudden we doing it so long because you

know I ain't no minuteman. I go up. Last

time it was like 2 1/2 hours going

straight. Oh, OK Good for you, Sir.

And I was behind her and I was hitting

the doggy style and the clay got hard.

OK. All right. We don't know what to do.

We just don't know what to do. I'm sorry.

I don't really know if I can help you.

This really sounds like a 911 situation,

Sir. I don't. That's not really

our expertise. Oh, what?So we stuck

like this?No, just call 911.

But she do not want me coming in this

house because her areolas are way too big

for that. OK, you know the the

the folks at 911, they've seen

everything. They're not going to get

bothered. They ain't never seen no

ariolas like this. Her n*pples are

innies. That's OK.

I'm sure they won't mind. Well, I'm into

C-section scars and she don't want nobody

to see her C-sections. They they do

C-sections there. It's just the old

school one. It look like that color on

Frankenstein's forehead. They do those

there as well. Can I be honest with you?

I'm an older man. And my p*nis is very

flaccid. I I OK, that's all

right. Just they have seen many, many

people make it. Ain't nobody seen no big

flaccid ding-a-ling like this. Yeah, I'm

sure they have. This ding-a-ling is

flaccid. That's. Look, man, it's

OK. Spoon don't get caught like this.

Well, why don't you get unstuck 1st and

then you can call us back about the

pottery. How about that?How do I get

unstuck?Call 911. They can

help you. Baby, I got an idea. I know how

to get out of this. Listen, listen, come

here. I'm going to smack your butt cheek.

Just wiggle it around. It's going to get

hard again. And I can break the clay. OK.

I'm going to. I'm going to hang up now.

OK, Sir. Oh, let

me smack it.

OK. Call 911. Thank you. Oh,

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

Oh, sporty love, Muff-a-bub.

Magic , how can I help you?Hi,

I need help with a magic trick my dad's

doing. Can you help me?Oh, what you got?

So, my dad has been making food disappear

from the refrigerator, and I want it to

stop. Oh man, I I'd say a lock

and key and chain will do it better than

any magic trick. Yeah, there was a whole

cake in there yesterday and now it's

gone. He said it's magic. He

also made eight bags of chips and four

boxes of cookies disappear from the

pantry. That's awesome.

Horrible for ever who wanted those

cookies and chips. But that's that's a

pretty that's a pretty good trick. He

also made all the toilet paper in the

house disappear too. Well, you know,

you gotta use it every now and then. Can

you tell me a spell to put all the food

back?Oh, that'd be good. That'd be good.

I also have a good magic question. Go for

it. What card am I thinking

of?Two spades. Yes.

Oh, heck yeah. Heck yeah. I normally get

that right every 52 times. So luckily

that was a good time. But anyway, I I

gotta let you go. OK?You have a great

day. Wesley, mom wants you to stop

making prank phone calls. Shut up!

No! Can you please give me a spell that

makes my sister disappear?She is so

annoying. I'm not that good. Uh-huh,

sorry. Oh, dang it!

That was a good one. What would make me

feel good is a customer who spent

millions at Limoncello Boutique. For you

to say, I don't think this looks

good on you. You don't have the right

kind of body. You don't have a good body.

And before you go around town talking

about what a wonderful woman you

are and sleeping with other women's

husbands and sons, do you know she

sleeps with sons?

Hello, I'm Michelle Boutiques. This is

Nicole. Yes. Hello, Nicole.

I'm calling because I bought a blouse

there last week. OK.

And I apologize. I don't know the

designer of the blouse because I've

actually, I've actually since thrown it

away. But I was under the

assumption that I had bought the last

four blouse and when I got down to the

club last Saturday.

Trudy De La Croix was wearing the same

floral blouse that I thought I had

purchased the last one of at Livencello

Boutique. Do you have any

sense of like what it looks like?So I can

try. It would help me better understand

if I knew which blouse it was. Because,

you know, every brand is different. Some

brands would buy a lot of, you know, a

lot of pieces because we love them and we

think that they're going to be really,

you know, popular and people will like

them. Well, yes, like I said, I

tore the label off out of anger cause I

was, you know, I apologize. This woman,

Trudy De La Croix, has truly toyed and

trifled with my life. The

colors were my colors,

orange, pink and yellow, which she

knows. Typically she's in a

mint green or a purple, which are colors

I would never touch. Those are Riddler

colors. Yeah, I I

again, I'm. I'm not sure if I don't know

the blossoms. You know, we we sell, you

know, whatever blouse people want to buy,

you know, just dependent on what what

they like and want. So, yes, but

this is a devil woman. I mean, you have

no idea what this woman does. You know, I

was at her daughter's baptism and she sat

me next to my ex-fiance. Can you imagine?

Wow, that is. That's pretty

terrible. Yeah, she set me up and she has

a darkness in her soul. And I think

anytime she's in one of your fitting

rooms, she's doing the devil's work in

there. Oh, you

know, I'm really sorry again. I

don't really, I don't know her. So

it's hard for me to sort of, yeah. I

don't know what. Is there something I can

do or?Yes. Her name

is Trudy De La Croix, and if she comes

in and she's shopping around and she

tries on a dress, probably one that I've

bought, I think it would. What would make

me feel good as a customer who spent

millions at Limoncello Boutique for you

to say I don't think this looks

good on you. You don't have the right

kind of body. You don't have a good body,

and it doesn't do anything for your face

because you don't even have a good face.

You should wear a ski mask, Trudy

Delacroix. You should know better. And

before you go around town talking about

what a wonderful woman you are and

sleeping with other women's husbands

and sons, do you know she sleeps with

sons?Let me know if

you're ready.

Is that is that Trudy?Is that Trudy?Is

she?Is that Trudy?No, I'm ask

her. You might want to ask her her name.

Ask her if her name is Trudy Delacroix.

I'm pretty sure that she is not. I would

be happy if the woman who's trying to buy

something there right now, if you spit on

her face. If I if I what?

Spit on her. Well,

OK, well. OK,

hold on one second. Trudy.

Trudy, you don't deserve clothes at

Lemon. Cello boutique. Trudy, get

out of there. Get out of the lemon cello

boutique. Trudy. Hello, ma'am.

Hey, is this Trudy Delacroix?No,

ma'am. She is. Trudy is not here at the

moment. Punch her in the DickPunch her in

the DickShe's probably got a DickShe acts

like a man with that mouth. Punch her in

the DickI cannot

do that. I'm sorry, but I'm happy to, you

know, give you a discuss on your next

shopping trip here, if that would help

you. Feel better. What did you say?

I I'm happy to to give you, you know, a a

discount on your next purchase here if

that would help you feel better or if

that would help the situation remedy the

situation. Seventy-five percent off,

please. I can't do that. I

could do twenty-five percent off your

next shopping trip here. Forty-five

percent. I had to ask.

Sorry. Yeah, we could do twenty-five. OK.

It's a deal. Thank you so much.

Yes, thank you. Bye. Oh,

another Angel. Listen to me. I

want a side of fries and I want two

Diet Cokes. Anything else?Yes.

Just if you just listen to me. OK, well,

I'm listening to you. I'm taking your

order. What do you want me to do?All

right, if I can get a word in. Yeah, but

you're going to face me now. How many

sandwiches you want?Paddy. Paddy, I'm

trying to order. If you just give me a

minute to to talk and listen to me.

You listen to me. I don't want to have to

repeat myself.

Hey, I'd like to order a pickup, please.

What would you like?OK, here's what I

like. I likeListen to me. I'd like a

cheese sandwich. Grilled cheese with

a side of fries. Now, now, now listen.

Now listen. Good. I want a veggie

burger with extra Pickles and cheese.

Mm-hmm

All right, now hear me out. Are you

listening?

Are you there?Hello. Yeah, I'm here. All

right. Now listen. Listen to me. I want a

side of fries and I want two

Diet Cokes. Anything else?

Yes. Just if you just listen to me. I

mean, I'm so. I'm so sick and tired.

People don't want to listen anymore. You

know what I'm saying?OK, well, I'm

listening to you. I'm taking your order.

What do you want me to do?All right, if I

can get a word in. I'd like a cheese

sandwich, grilled cheese, extra

Pickles. All right, now listen. Good on

this one. I don't want to have to repeat

myself. Yeah, but you're confusing me

now. How many times, buddy, buddy. I'm

trying to order if you just give me a

minute to to talk and listen to me.

I'm sorry, I don't want to come down hard

on you, but you know, this COVID is

really, you know, put me in a bad mood.

And I'm not. I'm not

trying to put you in a bad mood.

I understand. I understand. You've had a

hard day. I get it. All right, listen to

me. I got a big family here and

that's a problem. I I, you know, people

never listen to me and I'm so sick and

tired of it. You know what I'm saying?I'm

just, you know, I talk. Nobody listens.

All right, so here's what I want. You

listening to me?I'm like a patty melt.

Extra pickles. Now you listen to me and

you listen good. I want that patty melt.

Medium rare. Is that OK?Is that fine?

Yeah, you're

the

best. You're the best. I don't know what

you're trying to order though. You're the

best. I've had a hard day. All right. So

let's start over again. OK. So yeah,

here's what I'm going to have. I just

want to make sure that you you are

listening to me. If you could just repeat

what is, what is your name?First of all,

OK, so how you going to pay for your

order?Credit or cash?I'll probably pay

cash. Cash. Yeah, cash.

You guys take cash?Yeah. YeahOK.

All right. OK. All right. You're a good

listener. All right. All rightHang on a

second now. Hey, guys, you want who?

You wanted a hot dog?Guys, listen

to me. Who wanted a hot dog?

OK. All right. Sammy's having a hot dog.

So we'll get a hot dog with the works. We

don't have that kind of food. We don't

have hot dogs here, Sir. OK. But listen

to me. I want two hot dogs.

I told you we don't have hot dogs or we

don't sell that kind of food. Did you

look in the back?

Do you do you have anything else better

to do?Buddy, listen to me. I'm trying to

order food for my family. Why don't you

call another restaurant, all right?Leave

us alone, please. I like your hot dogs.

All right, listen to me. What kind of

dogs are the hot dogs made from?

Tell me more about your hard jobs.

Now, have you ever cleaned a bowling

alley?I would have to speak with the

owner of the company because we normally

don't do bowling alleys. Where is he?

At home, lounging about while you work?Is

he feasting off the sweat of his laborers?

He might be.

I've got an enormous cleanup job.

Good afternoon. This is Diana. How can I

help you?This is Niles Standish calling.

I have quite a cleanup job and I need the

best. And I believe your company can

handle this. Yes. Yes

YesI need a double. Yes. Yes

YesYesThere we are. Now, have you ever

cleaned a bowling alley?Um,

no. So let me tell you what happened. We

threw Mama a party for her 100th.

I'm not saying birthday, liver spot or

lover, but it's one of those. And things

got a bit out of hand. Her, with her

senior friends, made quite a mess of the

lanes. Now I offered the

bowling alley to simply burn the place

down and have it rebuilt in the Greek

Revival style. They wouldn't hear of it.

They want the whole place cleaned. Can

you handle this?I would have to speak

with the owner of the company because we

normally don't do bowling alleys. We

usually do residences and offices, so I

would have to speak with him, and he's

currently not in office right now. Is

he at home, lounging about while you work?

Is he feasting off the sweat of his

laborers?Because I love it.

He might be. What if I were to tell you

that my uncle Joshua lives at the bowling

alley illegally?Does that count it as a

residence?Probably not.

All right, now I will tell you there is a

bit of a problem, and this is a little

bit delicate. One of

Mama's guests made a number

deuce in the claw machine. We tried all

night to get it out, but alas, the game

is quite difficult to master.

Have you ever won anything at a claw

machine?No.

I really need somebody who's good at that

to get that Dookie out of there.

Have you ever thrown a party for 100 year

old?Yes. Well, then you

know what I'm talking about. You know how

wild it can get. Can I tell you something?

Sure. Mama's friend Leonard tried to

pick up a bowling ball, popped his

hernia, and made hummus in his pants.

That's not your problem. I just need to

vent about it. I said don't bring

Leonard. And she brought Leonard.

And she brought Leonard. And what did we

end up with?Hummus in the pants. Hummus

in the pants. Exactly. Hummus in the

pants. Now, I don't know about your

party, but at my party, my little brother

Giles smuggled himself in inside the

cake, which made everyone who ate it sick

because Giles did not properly scrub

himself beforehand. Did you, Giles?I did

not. Hang up the phone, Giles. I'll just.

Call it. Who are you talking to?I'm

talking to a hazmat team. They're

cleaning up the mess at the bowling alley

because of you. I didn't do it. And

you're going to clean up everything. The

stain's going for thousands of

miles. Please, please hang up.

Can you clean me?Giles?She's not going to

clean. Please tell Giles you're not going

to clean him. I do apologize, Giles, but

that is not what we do. Just as a

Saturday scrub up. She's not going to

give you a Saturday scrub up. That sits

in the sink and you give me a Saturday

scrub up. I

apologize, Giles. You know,

can you just hold on one moment?I need to

go use the bidet. Giles, you talk to her.

Sure. I like to clean things. You like to

clean things, Giles. I'm OK with cleaning

things. I'm more of the. The

receptionist than the cleaner. Niles

is cleaning his Peter Pan trumpet with

the bidet. Uh oh. Yes, I am. And it's

wondrous. It's wondrous. Oh, I'm flying.

Somebody turn down the pressure on this

thing. He's making all kinds of messes.

Will you come clean up Niles messes?

I think that would probably need a hazmat

team as well. I clean myself with my

tongue. Watch. Look how long my tongue

is. Oh. Giles, put your thumb away

and turn down the pressure on this

diamond of a day. I'm in the air.

He's up in the air. Do you want some

chocolate birthday cake?I have some in my

bummer. Nope, I'm good. I don't like

chocolate. I'm sorry. I'm back. I'm

sorry. And trust me, it's not chocolate.

Listen, you've been wonderful. And

what would the rate be for all of this?

Like I said, I'd have to speak with my

boss because he's the one that does the

pricing. Let me ask you this.

Do you have mops?Yes.

How many mops do you have?At least three

or four in each van. Would you do me a

favor?Sure. Would you double it?

We probably could. I want you to double

those mops. You've been wonderful, love.

I will call back with all the information

and I can't wait for Leonard's hummus

to be all cleaned up.

Wonderful. I'm going to go ride the bidet

some more. Toodles, love. Have fun. Have

a good day. Bye, bye.

Yeah, she was awesome. She was great.

Look at that.