05x10 - Bobby Brown, Wanda Sykes & Kathy Griffin

[bunniefuu]

I am the she, and that's what she said.

What is the best way to remove glue?

Uh.. This is the third time I broke my

back. How'd you break your back the first

time?I got punched by Evander Holyfield.

You are a global superstar. She is a

global superstar. And what she was hoping

is she might be able to buy your name. I

cannot see a d*ck pic today, sir. I am

not gonna lie. I am not strong enough.

Come on, come on 'Cause we're having a

ball We're just making some calls to

strangers We're back on the cell

And the world's gone to hell But you're

gonna feel swell When they pick

up From New York to Alabama

They'll probably won't throw our a*s in

the slain Because we're disturbing others

Maybe even your mother Won't you join the

Crank Yankers tonight Crank

Yankers!

Good afternoon. This is the U.S. Patent

Office. May I help you?Yes,

yesThank you so much. I need to see

if I could get something patent, I

guess. Uh-huhYou know that that's saying,

that's what she said?Well...

I'm not I'm not sure I know what you're

talking about. Like, so if somebody says

something like, I like it on top, and

then somebody would say, oh, that's what

she said. Oh, like if my daughter said,

let's go to the store, and I would say,

that's what your sister said. Like that?

Well, kind of like that, but it's usually

like something-- sometimes it has, like,

like a little sexual innuendo

type thing. So are you calling about the

trademark kind of question?

Absolutely. I am the

she and that's what she said.

I invented that. Now we we like to

refer questions regarding trademarks to

the experts at our Trademark Assistance

Center. I'm I'm a little, you know,

perplexed right now. I just want to make

sure I got this straight. Now you've

never heard the phrase that's what she

said. Well, I

might ask somebody now, what did she say?

And then somebody would say, well, she

said to do that. Everybody has

said that. And then I'm I'm just baffled

that you've never heard it. I don't watch

a lot of TV or go to the movies. Oh, OK

I just listen to public radio.

Uh, NPR. That Terry Gross is

something, huhThey all are. I love it.

That's what she said.

See how I did that?I'm not sure I

understand it. I'm sorry. Just try it.

Just say, just say that's what she said.

That's what she said. OK,

Yeah, you got to say it with more

like you will hear at the end of it.

That's what she said. Yes.

OK, that's close enough, I guess. I

tell you what, if you help me

popularize, that's what she said.

I'll give you a cut of whatever I get

from, you know. No. I am

an employee of the U.S. Patent and

Trademark Office, Gladys. Oh, come on.

Everybody's doing it. Oh, no. That

would-- that would be highly unethical.

It would be something we could never do.

That's what she said.

This is . How can I help you?Hi.

I'm... Uh, Terry, I

have a cat. OK. And

I was hoping someone could come and

clean my apartment. Um, but I

wanted to make sure that they knew that I

have a cat. OK, yeah, that's not a

problem. Great. Um,

so it's a it's a one bedroom.

And, um, if you come by,

um, you're not going to see the cat, but

he's there. And how

often are you wanting somebody to clean

your home?I think once, I think once a

week is should be fine. I think that's

fine, OK, 'cause I there ends up being a

lot of yarn all over the house and

so I just need someone to help clean up.

And you know, it's crafts

and not just batting around the yarn. OK.

And do they look under the radiator or

anything?Will they clean under the

radiator or wherever I would?Wherever I

would take a dead, a rodent and hide it.

If we come across anything like that, we

we don't deal with anything like that. So

I can keep playing with it afterwards

then. If you wanted to. Yeah,

I do. I don't. My cat does. I have a

cat. I'm a person. Yes.

Do you have a cat?I have 4

cats. You do. Do you need a fifth

cat?No, I don't.

I'm positive. I got four dogs too. So OK,

because my owner keeps me in the house

all day says I'm an indoor cat

captain, an indoor person. So

did any of the maids, they don't you when

they're cleaning, they don't use laser

pointers or anything to spot where

things are dirty, right?Because I'll

follow that around if I if there's a

laser pointer, then I'll.

So, so if you for a one bedroom,





per per service. Uh huhOK, I got.

So it'd be. So it'd be like almost

$400.00 a month. There she. OK,

$400.00 a month. Yeah, $400.00 a and that

should be fine. And I'd have to. I'd have

to come by and check the place out and

make sure you know. OK, yeah, of course.

Anytime. So I'm going to

take a tiny doodie right on the middle of

the floor and then hide at the top of the

fridge. OK. And then I'm going to pee on

the rug as a statement. OK.

But I'm not a cat. OK, I have a

cat.

Hello. Hello, Doctor.

Yes, this is. Oh, thank you, Doctor. I'm

so glad I got ahold of you. My name is

Aileen Zimon, and I'm a tourist, and

I'm in Hawaii, and I'm just really

struggling with some issues, and I was

wondering if I could make an appointment.

Yeah, because I'm just heading into my

office right now and you could call there

and see if you can get an appointment

with me. It kind of sounds like you're, I

guess in your tone, you're doing what the

kids call ghosting me. I'm

not ghosting you. I'm glad to talk to you

right now, if you're OK with me talking

while I drive. I'm here at your

service, sister. I would love to help you

with whatever you're going through. Just

it's interesting you said sister because

my sister actually really triggers me and

she was very clingy in a way that I'm

hearing in your voice. And I just feel

like, am I going to see like a clingy

sister or a doctor I can trust?

Well, I'm definitely not a clingy sister.

You'll have to decide whether I'm a

doctor you can trust. OK, you

could look at my website. I'm I I cannot

see a d*ck pic today, Sir. I am not going

to lie. I am not strong enough. I have no

idea what you're talking about. I hope to

meet with you soon when you get your

stuff sorted out. My stuff is sorted just

fine. Do you want to say what it is that

you're experiencing distress about

on your vacation?It's stress because, you

know, I brought my kids on this vacation

and two of them just left the

hotel about four hours ago. And they say

you shouldn't call the police unless

you're really worried. And I'm like half

worried, half not. And I just need some

guidance. How old are they?Three and two,

two and three years old. And they left

the hotel alone. Well, yes. No, it helps

their development to, you know, let them

find themselves. I mean, God knows my

parents did that to me. You know, but but

wait a second. If you're missing your

children at three and two years old and

you don't know where they are, you do

need to call 911. I I need to take care

of myself first, obviously. You know,

like the airplane, put the oxygen on

yourself 1st and then the kids will find

their way back. And I will look at your

website and I'm I will accept, you know,

one d*ck pic because I understand that's

the future. And I I don't

know where you're coming up with this. I

thank you for your compassion. I don't

know where you're coming up with the d*ck

pit thing, man. Thank you, doctor. All

right. Yeah, good luck finding your kids.

That is your priority. More than a

therapy session. Get your kids back. All

right, we'll see. Thank you so much,

doctor. All right, take care.

Hello. Bobby?

Yes, Bobby, this is Terrence Catheter.

Jimmy Kimmel gave me your phone number

because he thought you might be

interested in this and he said you were

friendly. Yes, I am very friendly.

I represent Millie Bobby Brown, who I'm

sure you're familiar with. Yes,

I am. And sometimes it is

confusing to people because you are a

global superstar and she is a global

superstar. And we've got a Bobby Brown

and we've got a Millie Bobby Brown. And

what she was hoping is she might be able

to buy your name from you.

No, I'm not changing my name for nobody.

Wow, this is a real punch in the stomach

for me. She's getting a lot of exposure

off using my name, period. I know that's

very wonderful. Why would I change my

name?Hear me out on this. Are you

familiar with Crisco, the vegetable

shortening?No, they would

love it. If you were to change your name

to Bobby Crisco and they would

pay for this handsomely. No, it's I have

a food line of my own called Bobby Brown

Shoes. So why would I, you know, change

my name to Bobby Crisco?Because here's

the thing, Millie is in currently right

now trademarking the name Bobby

Brown. She can't trademark it. It's my

name. Apparently they've done some

research and they feel like the world now

thinks Bobby Brown is a bald little white

girl with superpowers on Netflix. No,

that's not what people say. They know my

name long before she was even born. Would

you consider?Changing to another

color, like, say, Bobby Purple. I

am not interested at all, Sir. What about

Bobby Beige?Are you playing with me?Are

you serious?She's 15 years old now and

she's been firing people, and I just

don't want to be on the other end. I'm 15

years old. And no, I'm not changing my

name to Bobby Crusco or Bobby Beige. Why

won't she change her name?Oh, you know,

I did suggest that that maybe she just go

by Millie Brown, but she's like, no,

Millie Bobby Brown, get him on the phone,

make the deal or you're fired. Well,

I guess you're fired. I'm

not changing my name though, Sir. I am so

sorry to waste your time with this. Thank

you. I guess our attorneys will be

contacting you and serving you or

whatever. Serving me.

Well, yes, because I mean, listen, listen

to me. I hope this is a joke because it's

threatening me to sue you for my name.

Yes, because some little girl

wants to keep my name. It's my name.

She wasn't even born when I was using my

name. When you explain it like that, it

does feel a little bit unreasonable. In

fact, you know, you know what?What if you

were to change your name to Not Millie

Bobby Brown, just to make it clear?No.

Like people could call you not Millie.

Bobby.

Thank you for calling. This is. How can I

help you?Hi. How are you doing?I'm

doing well, thank you. How are you?I'm

kind of embarrassed. I'm just in a

situation right now and I was wondering

what is the best way to remove?

Glue. I'm going to be 100%

honest with you. That's something that I

would Google. I'm sorry, I just can't

see. I can't see anything. I'm playing a

virtual reality. My very unfunny

friend thought it would be funny to put

super glue on my goggles.

OK, I'm in a pirate game and I'm like

seeing pirates, but I can't pull these

things off. It doesn't hurt. I just can't

get them off. I'm very embarrassed right

now. It's all right. It's all good and

things happen. This pirate won't get off

me. This is my land. You get

off my land. Are you by yourself?

You give me back my eye patch. No. Ow.

Get up. I'm by myself. Yeah. Sorry. It's

kind of. No, it's OK. Ow. OK, now my

parrot's trying to attack me. This is

interesting. I can't really consult

you on that. Do you?Are you close to a

Google?Ow. Ow. Sorry. SorrySorryAre you

close to a Google like Internet to see

what I could do to take this off cause

all right. Super glue from

your hand. It's on the goggles, on VR

goggles. The removal of like on your

face. Yes, yes, it's on my face. Yeah. So

I guess skin what it does say. Do

you have access to like an acetone base?

Nail Polish remover.

Oh, my God. This guy just tried to stab

me, you son of a bitchHey, you know what?

Sorry. Say again. Yeah, I can't help you

right now. The only thing I can tell you

on Google. Try to get access to some

acetone-based nail Polish remover. This

pirate wants to kiss me for information.

What should I do?All right, buddy. Hey.

Did it anyway. Oh, oh, lots of

information. Didn't know that. Oh, that's

where the gold is. Oh, that's where my

legs are. That's where my parrot went.

Oh, get off me, you pirate a*s

Tonight on Little Inbound, a

man answers our ad for a free monkey.

Thank you for calling CY Industries. Our

call system responds to your voice

commands. To continue, say yes.

Yes. OK. Please say

your name. Wilson.

Wilson. If this is correct,

say yes, this is correct.

No, it's not correct. Great.

Milson. Wilson. To ensure this

is not a robocall, please tell me how

many traffic lights you hear in the

following captcha. Traffic light.

Traffic light. Side of barn.

Traffic light. Stop sign. Blurred

picture of a bus.

Three. Perfect.

Just one more thing to make sure you're a

real person. Would you mind clapping?

If not, just say no clapping for me.

Thank you for your patience. We're almost

done. But first, can you tell me about

the reason you called so I can further

connect you?Craigslist ad.

Great. So you're not calling about the

Craigslist ad. That's great.

Craigslist. Add. OK,

hold on while I sing some hold music for

you.

If you're calling about Smegma removal

services, say or press yes. If not,

say oops, not Smegma.

Oops, not Megma.

Megma. Are you talking about

Smegma or Megma?

Craigslist ad. OK,

I think I have everything now. You've

really given me a lot to work with here,

and frankly, I'm proud of you. If you'd

like to continue, please answer the

questions provided to you by the bridge

troll. So you've come this

far and you've done very well. But for

now you must answer a Riddle I tell.

What is blue?What is hot?What is covered

in snot?Can you say them by name?Or

perhaps you cannot?Not

sure. It sounds though the thoughts in

your mind, they are swimming. So I'm

sorry, you must return to the

beginning. Thank you for

calling CY Industries. Your wait

time is 5 hours and





Hello. Tiffany, is that you?

Yes, Mike. Is this you?

Yes, this is me. Hi. How are you?How

are you, sweetheart?You haven't called me

back. I never knew you called me. I

called you three times. I want to ask you

a question. I'm. I'm being honored for

the best boxer ever. Right. And I want to

know if you would, if you would bring me

out. You want me to bring you out?When is

this?I won't. I think it's November 10th

or something like that. But right now I'm

in a wheelchair. Why are you in a

wheelchair?I broke my back. I broke my

back several times. How'd you do that?

I went down the slide with my kids. I

tried to go down sideways so that I can

hold my babies, but I ended up

flying off of the slide. So

this is the third time I broke my back.

And how did you break your back the first

time?I got punched by Evander Holyfield.

So Evander Holyfield broke your back.

Don't say that in public. I mean,

listen, listen, Tiffany, like you had

any kind of back problems whatsoever. I

always tell people that I broke my back

so I can keep getting that checked.

You know how smart I am. I know you're

smart. Yeah, I can count to 80.

You can count higher than 80. Yeah,

sometimes. But sometimes my mind gets

foggy. But listen, I

I need you to bring me on. I need

somebody with some essence.

I gave you $0.25 in a lollipop. I don't

need no lollipops, boo. You like

lollipops.

When you push me out and everybody's in

the audience, I'm going to jump out of

this. I'm going to jump out of this chair

and then I'm going to just start beating

the sh*t out of everybody. What?

$0.50?I'm going to get Bobby Brown's

little assI'm getting him.

Bobby Brown gonna beat you up. He gonna

he gonna dance battle you and k*ll you.

I don't think Bobby Brown can dance

anymore. What you doing for your birthday?

I'm gonna punch watermelon. What?

In my backyard. You're gonna punch

watermelon?Yeah, cause it it feels more

like a face. Oh my God. Who is this

playing on my phone?Cause I know this

ain't Mike Tyson. Tiffany. Who is

this?Who is this?

This is Bobby.

How you been, Mama?I've been good. I've

been real good. I'm sorry we played this

prank on you. Yeah, I mean-- But

we damn sure gonna show it on TV. Hey,

everybody. So I'll call you later, all

right?All rightBye. She

ready. She ready.

Look at that.