02x04 - Moonlight and Roses

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[audio logo]

[music playing]

I thought you were going.

Oh, how can I go when you look so enchanting?

You're like an English rose.

Oh, Desmond.

Oh, Ruth.

Why do you exert this cruel power?

I don't mean to be cruel.

Just one kiss.

No, not here.

It's this place, isn't it?

It's always the same.

It's just that I feel these eyes watching me.

You're not pressing against the doorbells again.

Just one more kiss, Ruth.

No.

You look so beautiful when you're angry.

Oh, Desmond.

You get these little lights in your eyes

like stars reflected in limpid green pools.

Oh, you say such beautiful things.

You inspire me.

My eyes are just like anybody else's, really.

Then why do they set my pulses racing?

Desmond, please.

Sorry, I can't help it.

It's this damn moonlight.

You're like an ivory statue, cold and unapproachable.

The beautiful brow, the proud arch of the neck.

The superb ripeness.

Desmond!

Just look at him.

They can't keep their hands off each other.

Who is he?

His name's Desmond.

- Desmond? - Yeah.

He works in the library, hangs about the poetry section

all the time. He's got all the chat.

I wondered why she stopped coming up.

Yeah, she's crazy about him.

What's he look like?

Not much.

He doesn't have to, does he?

He's got the older or the Oxford book of English

verse behind him.

All he's got to do is recite a couple of stanzas,

and she's off.

It's like giving a double vodkas.

How do you know?

I've been listening.

Alan, how can you do it?

It's easy.

Just get behind the bushes in the front garden.

No, I mean spying on them like that.

I'm not spying on them.

I just happened to be interested in my fellow man.

There's no harm in it.

What about that couple in the park?

I wasn't spying on them.

I was bending down, tying my shoelace.

Last night, behind a Laurel Bush.

I didn't know they were on the verge, did I?

It was just pure coincidence.

Then why did they chase you through the park

with a starting handle?

Hey, just Rigsby know about Ruth and Desmond.

I shouldn't think so.

You have Desmond for breakfast if he sees them holding hands.

They hold hands all the time.

You should see them in restaurants.

They have to cut the meat up together.

You follow them into restaurants.

I was studying his technique.

I just wondered if it might work with this girl I know.

She might respond to poetry.

She don't responded to anything else.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come here, come here.

Come here to the boil.

You must hear this.

You're such a tantalizing creature.

Why do you torment me?

You know what I want, Ruth?

Yes, Desmond.

I think so.

I want to take you away from here.

Oh.

- But you don't love me enough. - Yes, I do.

I do.

Not as much as I love you.

Perhaps-- perhaps you don't think I'm being serious.

I know you're being serious, Desmond.

Your knees are trembling again.

I'm sorry.

I was forgetting myself.

I go to the ends of the Earth for you.

Brave any dangers, endure any hardships?

Oh, strong.

Ruth.

Just one more kiss before my bus comes.

All right.

But be gentle with me.

Oh, Ruth.

Oh, Desmond.

Hey, Alan, we shouldn't be listening to this.

Oh, it's this damn moonlight.

Amanda, it's so cruelly deceptive.

[SINGING] You're younger than springtime, are you

Gayer than laughter, are you

A room with a view

And you and no one

Room with a view, eh?

You carry on like this, you'll get a room all right.

But it won't have a view.

It'll be made of rubber.

What do you want, Rigsby?

I'm looking for Miss Jones.

Have you seen her?

I think she's gone out.

Again?

That's the third time this week.

What a pity.

Such a lovely evening.

I've put a couple of chairs out on the patio.

Patio?

Yes, that's what I said.

Yes.

Don't you mean backyard?

I mean patio.

Look, four fairy lights and a plant stand don't make a patio.

Yes, I know you've got to use your imagination.

You've got to ignore the tin bath and the mangle.

And the drains.

There's nothing wrong with those drains.

I've told you-- but look, down there tonight, it's wonderful.

They're bathed in moonlight.

It's like a fairy grotto.

You were hoping to take her down there for a lucky dip?

I wonder where she's got to.

Rigsby.

Um, would you like some tea?

Yes.

Yes, I like it.

You've changed, haven't you?

You're much more considerate these days.

Thank you, Rigsby.

You're not the only one who's changed either.

You notice Ms. Jones, eh?

Ms. Jones?

Haven't you noticed the change in her.

What?

All this mooning around, sighing, sniffing flowers.

Extra double scent behind the ears.

She's even changed her hair.

Yes, the mysterious smile of the Mona Lisa, eh.

It's finally happened.

What's that?

She's falling for me.

It's bound to happen eventually, of course.

I mean, you can't resist this sort of charm for long.

Are you sure, Rigsby?

Yes.

The flower is finally turning its face towards the bee.

That's why I wanted to get it out there,

you see, on the-- who's that?

Where?

There, there, that fella twining

himself around Miss Jones.

Oh, he's just a friend, Rigsby.

Well, he's been too bloody friendly for my--

[clamoring]

Don't go out there.

You saw what he was doing.

No.

It was the shadows movie.

Just a trick of the light.

I saw him.

He's not like that, Rigsby.

He works in the library.

I don't care where he works.

His name's Desmond.

What?

Desmond.

Desmond.

Naughty Desmond.

You've got nothing to worry about there.

I mean, with a name like Desmond?

Of course, no.

Des-- Desmond?

[laughs]

[SINGING] Tonight.

Hello.

Isn't it a lovely evening?

Doesn't it make you feel glad to be alive?

[SINGING] On a night like tonight

There'll be moonlight

You don't have nothing to worry about there.

Nothing to worry, Desmond.

Hey, they're out there again.

Oh, Alan, leave them alone.

Hey, wait a minute.

He's gone down on one knee.

What?

He's gone down on both knees.

He's either dropped something or he's proposing.

He is proposing. - Are you sure?

Yeah, look, he's slipping something onto her finger.

She's examining it in the light.

Aha.

He-hey!

She's done it at last.

Yeah, after all these years.

It's like winning a cup final medal.

Yeah.

Hey, she's coming in.

She'll come straight up here.

I can hear a size 9 is coming up the stairs.

Remember, complete surprise.

You'll never guess what's happened.

No, what's happened?

You've painted your nails.

Oh, Alan.

Wait, is that a-- is that a diamond?

Phillip, she's wearing a diamond ring.

We're engaged.

Congratulations.

I'm delighted.

Thank you, Philip.

I know what that must have cost you.

But still, don't worry.

You'll forget me in time.

Yeah.

We'll miss you, Ruth.

Hey, I wonder to get you, Ruth.

Don't say anything yet.

I don't want Rigsby to find out.

He'll only cut my water off.

You must let him some time.

But not yet.

I must dash.

[imitating trumpet]

Oh, was it some sort of celebration?

Oh, there is, Rigsby.

I must go.

Desmond's waiting.

Desmond's waiting.

You hear that?

Hasn't even got to him to talk to me these days.

I'm going to have to do something about this Desmond.

What are you going to do, Rigsby?

He's going to give him a fat lip.

No, no, no, no.

He's an intelligent man.

He'll see reason.

I have a quiet word with him.

I'll just tell him to stay away from her.

And what if he doesn't?

Then I'll give him a fat lip.

A fat lip?

That's your answer to everything, isn't it?

You'll only drive them further into each other's arms.

No, thank you, Marjorie Proops.

Look, why don't you face it.

She prefers Desmond.

And you know why? - All right, come on.

You tell me.

Because he's got all the chat.

When was the last time you took Miss Jones out into the garden

and told her exactly what was in your heart?

What-- do you mean I--

I-- I love-- you mean the three little words?

He can't even say it.

Ah, we don't go over that sort of thing

or any of that moonlight and roses.

It's all right for Noel Coward.

But he didn't try with any of the women round here.

He start creeping up on them in a salad dressing,

and you get your f*g shoved down the back of your throat.

You've got to be able to express your feelings, Rigsby.

Oh, shut up.

Desmond sends her fresh flowers every day.

He would.

I knew there was something wrong with him.

He must be greenfly.

Anyway, she knows how I feel about her.

She knows a fancier.

Fancier?

Is this the language of Shakespeare and Byron?

Where's your sense of romance?

Don't talk to me about romance, mate.

It's all a racket, all that.

Spending a fortune on chocolates and flowers.

You end up in some expensive restaurant

with a glass full of chopped fruit eating

meat off a flaming sword.

With the waiters hovering round like vultures,

then up come the genuine Gypsy violinists.

Day workers from Forbes.

Very romantic.

Till you forget to tip them.

Then you get the violin up your nostril.

I'm not talking about that, Rigsby.

I'm talking about poetry.

The beauty of the language.

Do you know any poetry?

Charge of the Light Brigade?

Look, you've got to learn some romantic poetry if you're

going to compete with Desmond.

I think I'd sooner give him a fat lip.

You can't do that, Rigsby.

If I were you, Rigsby, do you know what I'd do?

Oh, here we go. Yes, Come on.

Tell me what you do. Yes.

I take her in my arms.

Hold her close.

Tell her the lights in her eyes are like stars.

Stars?

Stars reflected in limpid green pools.

Yeah. You can't say that.

Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up. That's very good.

Go on.

Then I'll tell her she's like an ivory statue,

cold and unapproachable.

Talk about her beautiful brow, the proud arch

of her neck, the superb ripeness of her--

You mean-- that's very good.

She couldn't resist that, could she?

Yes.

That's what I call poetry, mate.

Yes.

[mumbling]

And superb ripeness-- yes.

It's just, you know, you have changed.

You have become quite likeable sometimes, you tinker.

What'd you tell him that for?

She'll m*rder him.

It's better than him murdering Desmond.

Phil.

Phil, could I have a double aftershave?

[knock on door]

Oh, Ms. Jones, I just brought you--

Oh.

--few flowers.

Thank you, Mr. Rigsby.

They're very nice, just like the ones in the park.

I'll put them in water.

Here we go.

Was there anything else, Mr. Rigsby?

Oh, my word, Ms. Jones.

- What's the matter? - Oh.

Your eyes.

What's wrong with them?

No, They've got those little lights in them

like stars reflected in limp green pools.

I beg your pardon?

No, no, no.

Don't move, Ms. Jones.

You're like a statue, cold and unapproachable.

Mr. Rigsby.

Beautiful, proud-- proud arch of your neck.

The superb ripeness--

How dare you, Mr. Rigsby!

You've been listening--

I thought I saw those bushes move.

You gooseberry?

How could you do it?

How can you mock the finest feelings two

people can have for each other?

- I don't understand, Ms. Jones. - I understand.

All right.

I'm engaged, and I'm leaving here.

Now get out.

You don't understand.

Ms. Jones, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Ah, Rigsby.

About this room, I thought now that Ruth's gone,

you'd want somebody else in here.

God, you can't wait, can you?

Haven't you got any feelings?

Of course, I have.

Oh, I'm sorry, Rigsby.

You've had a tough break.

It's all right.

No, no, no.

It's my fault. I should have been more sensitive.

Anyway, about this room--

she's respectable.

She's very studious.

She's got an o-level in Divinity.

She wears skirts down to there.

You never know she was here.

You never stop trying, do you?

You're sensitive-- you're about as sensitive as a rubber cosh.

Does it not occur to you that this room means something to me,

that I might want to be left here alone with my memories

and think about what might have been?

Well, there's no need for it to make you bitter.

There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.

Plenty more?

My god, you're shallow, aren't you?

I guess you're all over that.

You can't recognize the real thing when you see it.

Plenty more pebbles.

You'd have said that to Romeo and Juliet, you would.

You're right, Romeo.

Don't take the poison.

Plenty more pebbles on the beach.

I didn't know you felt so strongly about it.

Yes, well, I do.

And I'll tell you this, she hasn't gone yet.

And until she does, I'm not giving in.

And I'll tell you something else.

You wait till Desmond turns up.

I know exactly how to fix him.

Hello.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

No, no, no.

Come in.

Rigsby, about the room.

Yes, I'll think about it.

I'll let you know.

You, uh, you must be Mr. Rigsby.

That's right.

I came for the cases.

Yes. They're over there.

- I hope you don't mind. - Mind?

Why should I mind?

Oh, I had the impression-- just an impression

that you didn't approve of me.

No, no, of course.

What gave you that idea?

No, no, no, no.

As a matter of fact, I'm delighted.

We all are.

Glad to know she's finally managed it.

Managed it?

Well, managed to hook some--

get over somebody.

Yeah, we shall all come to the wedding, of course.

That's splendid.

Yes, yes.

Mind you, we shan't believe it till we actually see it.

What?

Oh, it's just my little joke, you know.

You see, it's not the first time for Miss Jones.

She's had so many disappointments.

Something always seems to go wrong.

Yes, well, it won't this time, Mr. Rigsby.

Yes, well, it's all in the stars, I suppose.

Yes.

What star were you born under.

Oh, I'm a Virgo.

Yes, I thought you might be.

Well, never mind.

Yes, I'm a Libra myself.

Yes, yes, yes.

Well, I'd better be making tracks.

Yes. Yes, off you go.

Funny you're going for a Virgo.

Still, if you don't mind the drinking--

Drinking?

What drinking?

What?

Didn't you know about that?

I haven't noticed the drinking.

No.

No, you wouldn't, not unless she gets violent.

Vi-- does she get violent?

Very, very rarely.

No man, you got to watch out for the signs.

You know, the level starts to drop in the decanter.

The faint whiff of peppermint on the breath and the clink

of a flask.

I mean, mother doesn't approve of drinking.

And well, we're going there tonight.

Well, take my tip.

Keep her well away from the Sherry trifle.

We don't want a sliding grace under the table, do we?

Does she-- does she do that?

Well, only at Christmas.

Yes. Why does she drink?

Ah, yes.

Very sad story.

So apparently, she's afraid of men.

Ah.

I didn't know that.

Yes, yes, Yes.

All happened years ago when she was very young.

Yes.

Apparently, she saw something nasty in the woodshed.

See, that's why she always carries

a knitting needle in her hand.

But that's not going to worry you, is it?

Oh, no, no, no.

Yes, mind you, marriage is a bit of a gamble, isn't it?

Yes.

Mate of mine married a woman like that.

Honeymoon was a disaster. - Why?

What happened?

She jumped off the balcony on the wedding night.

What on Earth for?

I mean, what did he do?

No, he didn't do anything.

No, he was in the bar having a last drink.

Yeah, actually saw her go past the window.

Yeah, just like that.

She bent over the leg in plaster.

Good heavens, how dreadful.

You don't think Miss Jones would do anything like that?

Oh, no, of course.

What floor are you on?

Mind you, it is a bit worrying, isn't it, being librarian?

I mean, you don't want to be dashing into the reading room,

pulling the books off the shelf, do you?

- Excuse me. - Where are you going?

Well, I've just remembered something.

Well, what about the cases?

I shall have to leave them.

What's the matter, petal?

I'm sorry.

The flat's been taken.

We'll have to call it off for the time being.

I'm awfully sorry.

Excuse me, I must go.

I-- I left the tap running.

What's the matter with him, Mr. Rigsby?

Why is he acting so strange?

No idea.

He's been like that ever since he arrived, Miss Jones.

He's a very strange character.

You don't mind me saying, sir, thank you.

I think you've had a very narrow escape there.

Desmond!

Course of true love never runs smooth.

This is it, Brenda.

What do you think?

Yeah, it's all right.

Sure you can get it for me?

Yeah.

I've got a lot of influence around here.

The landlord eats out of my hand.

Well, I do appreciate it.

After all, I hardly know you.

Well, we can soon alter that.

Look, I hope there's not going to be any of that.

I hope you're not getting this flat with an ulterior motive.

No, no, no.

I just thought we could drink our cocoa together, play

Scrabble, listen to the Proms.

Hey, who rattles your cage?

What?

You can cut that out for a start.

Well, if I don't?

You'll get money right where it hurts.

Well, well, you just, you know,

have a look around and get a feel of the place.

And I'll go and make a cup of tea.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm looking at the room.

Yeah.

It's not yours, is it?

No, no.

Alan says he can get it for me.

Apparently, the landlord eats out of his hand.

Oh, does he?

Yeah, he says he's a bit weird, but perfectly harmless.

Do you know him?

Yeah, yeah.

You could say, but just like that, really.

Who are you then?

I am the landlord.

Oh, dear.

I suppose that means I don't get the room.

No, no, no, no, no, no, not necessarily.

No, I might be able to fit you in if it becomes vacant.

Oh.

I'll be very grateful.

Would you?

I can see you're a nice class of girl, sort of--

Won't you sit down?

So the person who cleaned the bath house after her,

we do like to keep up the standards here, you know.

Oh, yes, of course.

There's only one thing that worries me.

Yes, yes. What's that?

Alan upstairs.

I don't think he's quite normal.

You're right, he's not.

He says the most peculiar things.

Oh, he would.

I should keep well away from me, if I were you.

Now, it is not my nature to speak ill of people,

but he's as foul as a box of frogs.

- Is he really? - Yes.

Mind you, you'd be quite safe because I shall--

I shall be here all the time.

All right?

Oh, good.

Yes.

Well, I must say, it's a lovely room.

Yes, isn't it? Yes.

Yes.

And quite a nice view now they've painted the gasometer.

Down there, of course, is the lawn and your patio.

You can sunbathe down there.

You've got to watch out for the red ants, of course,

but it can be quite pleasant.

Yes, you-- you get your bikini on out there,

you won't know yourself.

You've-- you've got a bikini outfit?

Yeah.

I've got a bikini.

Very nice you look in it, too, I bet, eh.

Oh, Mr. Rigsby.

Mr. Rigsby.

You don't waste any time, do you?

Ms. Jones.

I barely pack my suitcases, and you're

installing another one.

No, you don't understand.

Perhaps I should go.

I'd be hearing from you then, Mr. Rigsby.

Well-- I can explain.

You don't have to, Mr. Rigsby.

I was thinking of staying, but not now.

No, no, you don't understand, Ms. Jones.

I didn't bring her here.

She heard about the room and came to inquire.

No one can replace you, Ms. Jones.

You know that.

You're upset, aren't you?

He's let you down, hasn't he?

- I can't find him anywhere. - I knew it.

They're all the same.

These fellows here today and gone tomorrow.

You need someone solid and dependable, Ms. Jones.

I don't know anybody like that, Mr. Rigsby.

He's been leading you on.

Yes, I suppose he has.

Well, look, I'm not a great one for talk, as you know,

Ms. Jones.

But there are just three little words I'd like to say to you.

What's that, Mr. Rigsby?

I-- I--

My Ruth!

Desmond.

Oh, hell.

Can you ever forgive me?

I thought you're gone for good?

I couldn't. I love you, Ruth.

I don't care what the world thinks.

I don't care how much you drink.

You can drink battles, for all I care.

What?

Well, I've been thinking it over.

I'll help you.

I mean, it's a sickness, really.

Nothing to be ashamed about.

We'll face the problem together.

Yes, we'll get the very best doctors.

Desmond, what is that you're talking about?

Mr. Rigsby here told me all about it.

Excuse me.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

You can put away the knitting needles.

We'll face the problem together.

Mr. Rigsby!

Miss Jones?

Well, she's gone, then.

Yeah.

The end of an era.

He's taking it badly.

Anyway, who needs women?

You do.

You've got 10 of them.

Have you ever stopped to think what

would happen if all the time we spent chasing

birds was devoted to research?

No.

We'd have cured the common cold

and found a substitute for oil.

And conquered space.

I always wanted to study Esperanto.

[laughs]

Poor old Rigsby.

He's taking it hard.

I've never seen him like that before.

It'll take him a very long time to get over this.

Any other?

Well, what was it you wanted to see me?

Well, I just wanted to have a quiet little--

where do you want these, Miss?

Yes, I just want a little quiet talk.

You know, I'll have to take a personal interest

in all my tenants.

I suppose you're like a father to them.

Well, no, not exactly.

No.

Just more of a--

I just like to get to know them, you know.

Well, what would you like to know.

Well, for example, why are you--

why are you leaving your present place?

Oh.

It's the landlord.

He keeps trying it on.

Oh, typical. Yes.

A woman's not safe anywhere these days.

He tries his on because I'm a model.

Yes, at all--

a model?

I didn't-- I should-- of course, I should have realized.

Yes, I mean, the poise, the elegance,

the daring use of color.

Was it Furs?

Is it Paris Originals?

Oh, not that sort of a model.

No, no, of course not. Of course.

Yes, I can see it.

Yes, the commercials, isn't it, the chocolate one?

Yes, the dessert scene with the two Arabs

wrestling in the rays of the dying sun.

And you on your own-- on your silk cushions full of Eastern

promise with your eyes glittering.

No, no?

It's not me.

I'm an artist model.

You mean--

Yes.

And just because I take my clothes off for a living,

some men try to take advantage.

You can see the photographic club.

I can feel their eyes burning into me.

Half of them haven't even got film in their cameras.

Disgraceful.

I can understand exactly how you feel because I've got quite

a strong artistic bent myself.

I mean-- I mean, I can admire the perfection

of the female form without having to throw

my leg over it, of course.

No more than a good sunset to me.

As a matter of fact, talking to her-- talking of artistic trays,

and I'm quite handy with the old camel hairs.

You know, you've got this English rose quality.

I'd love to get you down on canvas.

- Phillip, Alan. - Ruth.

Ruth, what are you doing here?

I've come back to say goodbye.

Oh, goodbye.

I shall miss you both.

We'll miss you too.

Bye bye, Ruth.

Goodbye, Philip.

Have you said goodbye to Rigsby yet?

After what happened?

He's very upset about it.

He's down there at the moment, feeling things very deeply.

Is he really upset?

Why don't you just speak to him?

Make it up.

You'll make him feel a lot better.

All right.

I'll pop in and say goodbye to him now.

Bye.

You know, I sometimes wish I'd never

been given this power over men.

I'm just picturing knee deep in ferns bathed in moonlight,

like an ivory statue, cold and unapproachable.

Your beautiful brow, the proud arch of your neck.

The superb ripeness of your-- of your fingers.

And the lights of your eyes like--

Like stars reflected in limpid green pools.

Hey, Ms. Jones.

[music playing]