04x08 - Lazlo's First Crush/Livin' La Vida Lumpus

[bunniefuu]

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee

Ahh.

[ Thud ]

[ Thud ]

[ Thud ]

[ Thud ]

[ All screaming ]

[ All screaming ]

[ Engine sputtering ]

Come on. Please, please.

[ Car alarm wailing ]

[ Screams ]

Lazlo: good morning,

Lake dwellers.

There's nothing I love more than

A leakey lake sunrise.

[ Angelic music plays ]

Wow.

Am I blocking your sunrise?

Lazlo: you're more beautiful

Than a sunrise.

Who are you?

I'm the mermaid of

Leakey lake.

Lazlo: a mermaid?

Wow-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-ahh.

And you're the friendly bean

Scout who visits with the lake

Creatures every morning.

Just being neighborly.

Don't do that anymore.

They don't like it.

Lazlo: I did not know that.

Thanks.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Lazlo: wait!

Can I see you again?

Well, I never do this, but

You're special.

Meet me here at sunset.

Raj: where the heck is lazlo?

[ Squirrels chirp ]

Lazlo: I'm in love with a

Mermaid!

Raj: that's great, dude.

Clam: what does love feel

Like?

Lazlo: like this.

[ Upbeat music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

We're meeting again tonight at

Sunset.

Raj: sunset?

But that's when we roast

Marshmallows.

Lazlo: people in love don't

Roast marshmallows.

Raj: oh. I see.

Clam and I found the perfect

Roasting stick just for you.

But whatever.

Clam: do people in love play

Kickball?

Lazlo: no.

Raj: axis and ogres?

Lazlo: no.

Raj: whatdo they do?

Lazlo: count every second

They've been together.

[ Gasps ]

It's our three-minute

Anniversary!

[ Crying ]

I miss her so much.

Raj: what's that?

Lazlo: a sculpture of my

Beloved.

I made it out of my frozen

Love tears.

Raj: when?

Lazlo: just now, when you

Weren't looking.

Love gives me focus.

Raj: you're not actually

Blowing us off for a mermaid,

Are you?

Lazlo: I'm sorry, raj.

I hear what you're saying.

But I can't understand a word,

'Cause I'm in love.

And I gotta get ready for

My sunset rendezvous...

With a mermaid.

Mermaids are picky about their

Men.

Does she want...

[ Scandinavian accent ] a

Sensitive man with a wandering

Soul?

[ British accent ] or a

Sophisticated renaissance man?

[ Southern accent ] maybe she

Wants someone safe but edgy.

Nah.

I should just be myself.

Don't you think, fellas?

Raj: if being yourself means

Playing with us.

Lazlo: you're right, raj.

I need to get her a gift.

[ Spurs clank ]

[ Horse whinnies ]

Clam: feelings hurt.

Raj: oh, he's definitely

Blowing us off.

Lazlo: [ humming ]

She'll like this.

[ Rustling ]

[ Fanfare ]

Hey, nice sandcastle.

Raj: we made it when you

Weren't looking.

Clam: friendship gives us

Focus.

Raj: now, stay in there until

You're ready to play with us.

Lazlo: come on, guys.

My love is stronger than sand.

[ Rumbling ]

Raj: is it stronger than

Reinforced steel?

Lazlo: [ whimpers ]

Raj: now I am going to find

Your mermaid and end this affair

Once and for all.

Lazlo: raj!

No!

[ Pop! ]

Lazlo: ugh.

Five minutes?

Guard!

I gotta get out of here.

I've got a date with a mermaid.

Mermaid?

Raj: no.

Lazlo: did you see her?

Raj: yep.

Lazlo: did you talk to her?

Raj: uh-huh.

Lazlo: well?

Raj: well...

I love her, too, dude!

Lazlo: what?!

Clam: how does love feel?

Raj: like this.

[ Jack-in-the-box music plays ]

Or something like that.

She said I was special, and she

Wants to meet me at sunset.

Lazlo: she saidi was

Special, and she wants to meet

Me at sunset.

What are we gonna do?

Raj: we both can't meet her

At sunset.

Lazlo: whoever's the most

Special should meet her.

Raj: so that's me.

Lazlo: no, it's me, raj.

Clam: contest.

Lazlo: great idea.

A friendly competion to prove

Who's mermaid-worthy.

Raj: may the best jelly win.

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

Lazlo: mermaidslove to talk

About their feelings.

See that camper over there?

He's got a lot on his mind.

Let's see who's the better

Listener.

What's the matter, samson?

Raj: anything you want to

Talk about?

Well, since you asked...

I feel so --

Raj: aaaah!

These earplugs don't help at

All!

[ Huffs ]

You win this round, lazlo.

Lonely.

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

Raj: mermaids love to hear

Aboutyour feelings.

You cannot be afraid to express

Yourself.

Ready, lazlo?

Lazlo: [ clears throat ]

"Pretty mermaid in the lake,

Love me, or my heart will break.

Pretty mermaid in the --"

Raj: my turn!

Hit it, harry.

[ Mid-tempo rhythm plays ]

[ Splash! Splash! Splash! ]

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

I win!

Lazlo: no.

It's a tie, which means...

Clam: tie breaker.

[ Water gurgling, sloshing ]

[ Creaking ]

Edward: what gives?

Skip: lazlo and raj are in

Love with a mermaid.

Chip: whoever can hold his

Breath the longest gets to meet

Her at sunset.

[ Ding! ]

Edward: step right up.

Place your bets.

Which lovebird will win the

Mermaid?

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Lazlo: [ straing ]

Raj: [ straing ]

Lazlo: [ straing ]

Raj: [ straing ]

Lazlo: [ straing ]

Raj: [ gasping ]

Lazlo: [ straing ]

Mermaid.

You're early.

I couldn't wait till sunset.

Lazlo: [ grunts ]

Thanks for choosing me, mermaid.

[ Slow orchestra music plays ]

Raj: thanks for choosing me

Over the monkey.

Lazlo: I love you, mermaid.

Raj: I love you, too,

Mermaid.

Edward: uh!

Clam: pulling the plug.

[ Drain gurgles ]

Raj: [ grunts ]

Lazlo: you're not mermaid.

Raj: you're not mermaid.

Edward: there was no mermaid.

You guys held your breath so

Long, you went bonkers.

Which is what I bet on, so I

Win.

Lazlo: he's right.

We did go bonkers.

I'm sorry I let the mermaid come

Between us.

Raj: I'm sorry, too, lazlo.

Lazlo: I love you, raj.

Raj: I love you, too, dude!

Clam: loves!

Lazlo: [ laughs ]

That's right, clam.

With friends like us, who needs

Mermaid?

[ Squirrels chirp ]

[ Angelic music plays ]

All: mermaid.

[ Frog croaks ]

[ Farts ]

[ All groan ]

Raj: she looked better

Underwater.

Come along, samson.

Check me out, guys.

[ Belches ]

She said I was special.

[ Laughs ]

[ Smooch! ]

Here's the mail

Scoutmaster lumpus.

Lumpus: eh, the relentless,

Relentless mail just keeps on

Coming.

Eh, what's this?

Care package for edward, huh?

[ Sniffs ]

Well, it's my duty to inspect

This.

Just as I suspected -- sweets.

Lazlo: and sweets aren't

Allowed at camp kidney, are

They?

Lumpus: nope.

Got to confiscate it.

Heaven forbid we have any fun

Here.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee

Lazlo: mud!

Last one in is a rotten egg!

Edward: marco.

All: polo.

Edward: marco.

Clam: polo.

Edward: marco!

Skip: polo.

Lumpus: will youplease keep

It down out there?!

Raj: geronimo!

Lumpus: [ grunts ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Don't you kids have anything

Better to do than frolic in

The muck around here?!

All: no.

Lumpus: neh!

Daah!

Lazlo: wow.

Somebody needs a little lazlo in

Their day.

I better go talk to him.

Your door's open.

Lazlo calling.

Lumpus: I'm sick of it!

Every day is the same!

Lazlo: I'm, uh, walking up

Your stairs now.

Lumpus: this job is nothing

But boring.

Lazlo: uh, this could be

Considered eavesdropping now.

Lumpus: the food stinks.

The campers stink.

And furthermore, ihate

Camp kidney!

Lazlo: [ laughs ]

How could anyone hate

Camp kidney?

Lumpus: what are you doing in

My boudoir?

Lazlo: I thought this was

Your bedroom.

Lumpus: what do you want?

Lazlo: I've come to cheer you

Up.

[ Singing ]

How am I doing?

Slinkman: uh, I'll be

Downstairs, sir.

Lumpus: you want to hear why

I hate camp kidney, boy?

Lazlo: sounds like fun.

Lumpus: you see this pile of

Bills?

Well, I gotta take care of them.

Lazlo: sounds like fun.

Slinkman: actually, sir,i do

The billing.

Lumpus: yeah, well, I have to

Organize the bills.

Slinkman: no, sir.

I do that, too.

Lazlo: sounds like fun.

Lumpus: I'll show you some

Fun!

I've been writing this book

Since I got to this nightmare of

A camp.

It's called "why I hate

Camp kidney."

Chapter one -- "lice, pinkeye,

And whing."

"The bean scouts arrive..."

Chapter 12 -- "my cabin."

"A pile of sticks, a couple of

Rugs -- the musty tomb where I

Lay my weary head."

Lazlo: sounds like fun.

Lumpus: chapter 72 -- "camp

Food."

"Tasteless..."

Lazlo: you're right.

I hate camp kidney.

[ Both laugh ]

Raj: here comes lazlo.

He will love this.

Clam: do sound effect.

Raj: [ squishing ]

[ Laughs ]

Um...laz?

That was the funniest sound I

Have made all summer.

What is wrong?

Lazlo: lumpus is right.

Thereare no more laughs at

Camp kidney.

Eh.

Turn off the light, would ya,

Kid?

Raj: yeesh.

This is not a fun, new game.

Slinkman: good morning,

Campers.

Well, we've officially run out

Of activities.

If anyone has any ideas, let me

Know immediately.

Thank you.

Lumpus: [ scoffs ]

Typical.

Good luck, slinkman.

Lazlo: [ coughing, gagging ]

Lumpus: now, where didyou

Come from?!

Shouldn't you be doing one of

Yourstupid activities or

Lifting someone's spirits or

Something?

Lazlo: why bother?

Camp stinks.

From now on, I'm with you.

Lumpus: whatever.

Suit yourself.

All: ♪ row, row, row your

Boat, gently down the stream ♪

Lumpus: look at these clowns.

All: ♪ merrily, merrily,

Merrily, merrily ♪

♪ Life is but a dream

Lazlo: cheer up, why don't

Ya?

Lumpus: yeah, cheer up.

Lazlo: check out this piece

Of work.

Lumpus: hey!

Why the long face?

[ Both laugh ]

Lazlo: good one.

Lumpus: move along.

[ Sobbing ]

Edward: [ whistling ]

Lazlo: watch this.

Doofus says "what."

Edward: what?

Aaah!

Real mature, lazlo.

Lumpus: [ chuckles ]

Good one.

Ha ha.

Lazlo: yuck.

This soda's flat.

Lumpus: what else is new?

Lazlo: you mind?

You're blocking my sun.

Raj: are you coming to play

"Guess that smell" with us?

Lazlo: are you kidding?

No games are gonna make this

Camp any more fun.

I'm gonna wait out this tiresome

Summer with this guy.

Both: o-kay.

Raj: very strange.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Skip: I declare this pie the

Best pie ever.

Chip: indubitably.

Lumpus: mcmuesli, don't make

Me wait for my second cup of

Decaf.

Coming right up.

Lazlo: [ clears throat ]

Raj: lazlo, what is

Happening down here?

You don't want any pie, yet

You're going to drink that

Disgusting bean juice?

But you don't even like coffee.

Cream or sugar?

Lazlo: nah.

[ Both grunt ]

Raj: see? I told you.

Now, come on.

Lazlo: too hot.

Lumpus: too hot.

Slinky.

Blow on it, would ya?

I almost burned my wittle

Mouthy.

Slinkman: oh, yes, sir.

Lumpus: you cooled his first!

I'm the one who asked for help!

Lazlo: that's a good cup of

Coffee.

Raj: very weird.

Lumpus: ha!

Slinkman blows onhis coffee

Before mine?

That kid is starting to cramp my

Style.

Good night, mr. Lumpus.

Lazlo: what's so good about

It?

Lumpus: huh.

I'm starting to hear things.

Lazlo: wait a minute.

Lumpus: huh?

Lazlo: I'm too lazy to walk

Back to my cabin.

[ Clunk ]

Lumpus: yeah, we had a nice

Lazy day together, but come

On --

Lazlo: would you please carry

Me?

Lumpus: ♪ when the bough

Breaks, the cradle will fall ♪

♪ And off goes the baby

Out of my life!

[ Glass breaks ]

[ Door opens, closes ]

Lazlo: there's nothing to do

Around here.

Boring. Boring.

Slinkman, help me out here.

Lumpus: slinkman's busy.

Allowme to help you out.

[ Clunk ]

Huh!

[ Toilet flushes ]

Yawn.

[ Muttering ]

Lazlo: wow.

When was the last time you

Trimmed your toenails?

Scratchy.

Lumpus: aah!

You!

[ Grunts ]

[ Muttering ]

Raj: clam?

Clam: yeah?

Raj: I don't know what to do

Without lazlo's overly

Optimistic suggestions.

Clam: lost.

Raj: yes.

Very lost.

Lumpus: hey!

You two are friends with that

Monkey thing, aren't ya?

Both: yes.

Lumpus: now he's driving me

Nuts.

He's cranky, he's selfish,and

He's lazy.

And I like to be the only guy

Like that around here.

You gotta help me get him back

To the way he was!

Raj: did you hear that?

Someone is giving us an

Optimistic suggestion.

Clam: saved.

Raj: lazlo just seems to have

Forgotten what fun is about at

Camp kidney.

I have a plan.

[ Rooster crows ]

Lumpus: why, good morning,

Scouts.

What sort of fun are we up to

Today?

Raj: we are playing one of

Lazlo's favorite games --

"Imaginary cab driver."

Lazlo: boring.

Lumpus: sounds charming.

Let's play.

Lazlo, isn't this fun?

We're riding in a cab around

Camp kidney.

Both: london.

Lumpus: ah, yes.

Jolly old london.

Look, there's buckingham palace.

Raj: bong. Bong.

Lazlo: no.

Those are the stinky, old

Latrines in stinky, old

Camp kidney.

Lumpus: this isn't working.

Raj: I have other ideas.

Clam: beep, beep!

Raj: lazlo.

Here's another game I know you

Love.

Walk around the cabin without

Touching the floor.

Clam: no touching.

Lumpus: well, that looks

Like loads of fun.

Come on, kid.

This'll be great.

He he ha.

Raj: whee-hee-hee-hee!

Lumpus: look, lazlo, I'm

Having fun.

Uh-oh.

[ Thud ]

Lazlo: guys, I need a



Town."

Oh, I know -- "camp kidney."

Raj: hot-dog badminton?

Lazlo: please.

Clam: dance contest?

Lazlo: [ snoring ]

Raj: name that tree.

Clam: surely.

Lazlo: you guys just don't

Get it.

Lumpus has shown me the light.

This place stinks.

Lumpus: are we really that

Boring?

Raj: [ sighs ]

Clam: sticks in the mud.

Raj: that's it!

Clam: yep.

Sticks in the mud.

Raj: no.

I've got a plan iknow will

Work.

[ Singsong voice ] oh, lazzie.

We're making mud.

Lumpus: eh.

Ha ha.

This is such a treat.

Hee.

Swimming in a hole full of mud.

[ Splash ]

Clam: whee!

Stroke, stroke, stroke.

Raj: [ laughs ]

What fun!

Lumpus: yuck.

Clam: fun!

Lazlo: you're doing it wrong.

Lumpus: this is never gonna

Work.

Nothing in this camp is that

Stinking fun.

And nothing will make me jump --

No!

Raj: ha ha!

Clam: outta here.

Lumpus: [ grunting ]

[ Laughs ]

Raj: [ laughs ]

Lumpus: right back at you,

Kiddo.

Raj: [ laughs ]

Lumpus: and it's good for my

Skin.

I'll tell the whole world this

Place is --

Oh, I'll just say it.

Ilove camp kidney!

Lazlo: ha!

I got ya!

I knew you loved camp kidney.

I knew it all along.

[ Splash ]

Lumpus: [ laughs ]

Marco.

Clam: polo.

Raj: you were faking being

Grumpy the whole time?

You are crazy, dude!

Lazlo: you know me.

I could never hate this place.

Lumpus: here comes a lumpus

Cannonball!

Slinkman: do you mind?

Some of us have work to do, ya

Know.

Lumpus: here's mud in your

Eye, slinky!

Slinkman: ow!

Lumpus: [ laughs ]

Here's the mail

Scoutmaster lumpus.

Lumpus: eh, the relentless,

Relentless mail just keeps on

Coming.

Eh, what's this?

Care package for edward, huh?

[ Sniffs ]

Well, it's my duty to inspect

This.

Just as I suspected -- sweets.

Lazlo: and sweets aren't

Allowed at camp kidney, are

They?

Lumpus: nope.

Got to confiscate it.

Heaven forbid we have any fun

Here.