02x38 - The Puma

[bunniefuu]

♪ Jim Bowie Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold adventuring man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for rights with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter a fearless and mighty adventuring man ♪

- [Jess] It was May 1831 in New Orleans.

The moon was in the sky, the girls were in the park,

and I, Jess Miller, was in the jail.

$50 or 50 days.

I didn't have the dollars, so I had the days.



[pleasant music]

- Ah, Miller.

Monsieur Tebbs, a newspaper reporter.

- Now look that wheel was crooked.

That's why I busted up that gambling house.

Tell this skin-headed numbskull.

- Tet tet.

It is not about the gambling house, Miller.

- It's a lucky thing it happened, though.

Otherwise I never would've found you.

Sit down.

I have a message for you from a friend of yours, Jim Bowie.

He's got a job for you.

- Like what?

- Collect some money, $7,000.

- Did he break a leg or something?

- How can Bowie trust such a lazy,

good for nothing scoundrel?

I would not trust him with seven picayunes.

- Bowie's in Nashville with President Jackson.

He'll be detained for a month, but he needs the money.

Your fine will be paid, and you can use his horse.

- Horse?

Where is this money?

- Mexico, San Antonio.

- Lock me up, captain. - Oh with pleasure.

- Now wait, you'll be paid for this Miller, let me finish.

- How much?

- $100. [Jess scoffs]

- 200, 250.

- Look, you're talking about the frontier.

That's Texas, it's full of bandits and Indians.

- All right then, what is your price?

- San Antonio's about 600 miles isn't it?

- Yeah, just about.

- Bowie's horse is Spanish saddle?

- Yeah.

- Some new clothes?

- Well we've got a closet full.

- All right.

A dollar a mile.

- For $600 I go myself!

- 1,200, there and back.

- [Captain] Don't pay it.

- Bowie wants him.

Said to get him as cheap as possible, but get him.

- And how will I collect this money of Bowie's?

- You'll go to an address I give you, and present this.

- Bowie will never see that money.

- Goodbye, Captain.

- Goodbye $7,000.

- [Jess] So I touched Tebbs for $100 advance

and headed for San Antonio.

That police captain had given me a notion.

What was to stop me from collecting the 7,000

and keep going to California?

The world was looking rosy until I noticed

I'd picked up three friends, b*nditos.

[Spanish guitar music]

- Hey Americano, where are you going today?

- San Antonio.

Why?

- He doesn't look like Jim Bowie to me.

- Senor Bowie, we have a little problem.

Will you help us?

- No.

- Why the great Jim Bowie always helps people in distress.

- The great Jim Bowie's in Tennessee.

I'm the great Jess Miller.

- Estupido, I told you he was Jim Bowie!

Senor, come with us.

[gentle guitar music]

- Jefe jefe, jefe jefe.

This is Senor Jim Bowie.

[eerie music]

He shot himself in the hand by mistake.

You will fix it up huh?

[man groans]

- It was beginning to look like my friend Bowie

was kind of a two-bit hero down here.

Luckily the fat Mexican passed out at the pain.

I put a clean bandage on him,

decided he'd die by morning,

and started for my horse.

[speaks foreign language]

This is the thanks I get?

I'll need that in San Antonio.

- Ah, San Antonio.

Just say you are a friend of One-Eye.

Every door will fly open.

I'm very well known in San Antonio.

- I'll bet you are.

I got to San Antonio and picked up my hero's money.

Bowie's knife worked like magic.

Then I headed north to Bastrop.

There I could turn east to Bowie or west to California.

Bowie was losing the argument when I suffered this outrage.

- [Man] Your pass, senor?

- Pass, I don't need a pass.

- It is the law.

- Since when?

- Since we arrived here.

Dismount, we are going to see Colonel Mendoza.

- Suppose you climb over

your little watch chain and make me.

- Seize him!

[dramatic music]

Now senor, we are going to see Colonel Mendoza.

[ominous music]

Take off your filthy hat in the presence of Colonel Mendoza.

Pick up your filthy hat!

- What have we here, captain?

- A dangerous renegade, a man with no pass.

- My name is Jess Miller.

I'm an American citizen and I don't need a pass.

- Silencio!

Here is his gold, 7,000 American dollars.

And his weapon.

- Your name is not Miller.

- And I'm in no mood for your orders.

- You question my authority?

[man speaks foreign language]

Come.

[drumroll rattles]

[speaks foreign language]

[r*fles fire]

- What'd he do?

- He questioned my authority.

- For that you shot him.

- Si senor.

Now Senor Bowie, you have committed two high crimes.

First, you have no pass.

Second, you lie about your identity.

Both serious offenses punishable by heavy fines.

- How heavy?

- Oh, 7,000 American dollars.

- That's what I thought.

- Captain.

- The scorpion, Colonel?

- No, just throw him in the prison

until I can think of something more amusing.

[ominous music]

- [Jess] This Bowie business was gettin' to be a nuisance.

Here I was in jail again, with a head full of bees.

- I am Don Sebastian Gomez.

I am honored to share this cell with you, Senor Bowie.

- My name is Jess Miller.

- There is no need for subterfuge with me.

Are you in serious trouble my son?

- I won't be as soon as I see the alcalde.

- I am the alcalde.

- Now what kind of a town is this?

The alcalde in jail, officers with pet bugs,

special passes, executions.

Now what's going on here?

- It is very bad, senor.

Two weeks ago, Colonel Mendoza and his soldiers

arrived with orders to catch El Puma.

- Puma, mountain lion?

- No senor, a bandit who robs the gold trains

and gives it to the poors.

But does the Colonel look for him?

No.

[speaks foreign language]

- There is no time for embraces, Father.

Now is our chance to overthrow the tyrant Mendoza.

Look, see what I've brought you.

A pen, ink, and a paper.

You must write another letter to the governor.

- [Jess] And mention me.

- Florita, this is Senor Bowie.

- I know, his name is all over the village.

Father, he is just as I imagined him.

- Can't you stay longer than five minutes?

- Florita, the town is ringed with soldiers.

How can I send another of our boys to his death?

- But now we have a man to deliver the letter.

- Me?

- [Florita] The great Jim Bowie.

- But I'm in jail, I can't deliver anything.

- Perhaps this will help.

- Florita!

- I know this knife is not as deadly as your famous blade,

but perhaps it will do.

It's the best we had in the house.

You will save us, won't you Senor Bowie?

- Hurry up, someone's coming.

[suspenseful music]

- Good evening, Senor Alcalde.

You will share your tortillas tonight, eh?

- Si Patricio, gracias.

- One word and this goes into your gizzard.

- Si senor.

- Unlock the door.

[shouting in foreign language]

[dramatic music]

- Come, speak, what happened?

- Jim Bowie, the Americano he is gone!

[speaks foreign language]

[dramatic music]

Pull up there.

Have you seen an Americano?

Senorita Gomez!

Give me the torch.

- No. - Hold her!

- Senor Bowie, save yourself.

Save yourself!

[dramatic music]

- And I pray that your excellency, Don Juan de Veramendi

will dispatch government troops at once

to free our village from the cruelties of Colonel Mendoza.

I send this letter by your friend, the great James Bowie.

In all haste, Sebastian Gomez, mhmm.

Captain, the Senorita Gomez,

you will lock in her old room.

Him, you will tie to a post on the patio.

[speaks foreign language]

- I'm sorry senor, but I think I did not

look enough like a boy.

- I noticed that right away.

- I shall sh**t him right after your breakfast, my colonel?

- No, no no no.

He is a famous American.

There would be inquiries.

No, no no.

I now have in my custody two famous desperadoes.

Jim Bowie, the American knife fighter

and El Puma, our Mexican bandito.

Does that suggest anything to you, Captain?

- No my colonel.

- You are stupid, Captain.

- I am honored that you take notice of it, Colonel.

- We will let them destroy each other.

A perfect solution.

- Brilliant, my colonel. - Si.

[somber music]

- Senor Bowie.

I will give you your instructions.

- Do that.

- You will walk into the square with your knife.

El Puma will come out with his machete.

Then you will fight. - Why?

- To entertain the colonel.

Otherwise, you will be shot.

- I see.

- It is a fight to the death.

The loser dies, the winner will go free.

Go!

[dramatic music]

Your hunting r*fle, Colonel.

And grapes.

- Where are the townspeople?

- They were informed, Colonel Mendoza.

It's possible they don't like this entertainment.

- That is their loss.

Let the fight commence.

[ominous music]

[men shouting]

[eerie music]

- [El Puma] Senor Bowie?

- The fat man in the cave.

- But this is impossible.

You saved my life!

[r*fle fires]

My b*nditos will arrive any moment.

Until then, I will try very hard not to cut your head off.

- [Jess] I'll do the same for you.

[intense music]

- Reload it.

- A thousand pardons.

- One will do.

- [El Puma] Here they come!

[men shouting] [g*ns firing]

- sh**t them, cut them down!

[men shouting] [g*ns firing]

- Now we'll settle with this Colonel Mendoza, come on.

[dramatic music]

[r*fle fires]

[dramatic music]

Here we are, Colonel.

Just you and I.

- Yes, Americano.

And now, I will k*ll you.

[dramatic music]

Where did you learn to fight with furniture?

- In a bar in Cincinnati.

[dramatic music]

[glass tinkles]

[dramatic music]

[pounding on door]

- Wait!

Open it with your knife, senor.

[suspenseful music]

- [Jess] So the $7,000 was back in my money belt

and at last I could forget about the great Jim Bowie.

El Puma had the rest of the Colonel's money,

and we were all headed for California.

- This is the trail to Louisiana.

That is the way to Santa Fe and California.

- Well what are we waiting for?

- Hey El Puma, un little momento.

- Si?

- The men do not want to go to California.

They say the gold from the colonel's chest

was taken from the poor

and should be returned to its rightful owners.

- Well, I am the rightful owner.

I stole it!

- [One-Eye] But you steal from the rich

and give to the poor!

- A pestilence on the poors!

May all their daughters have mustaches.

One day, in a moment of weakness,

I gave a small purse of silver to a poor widow.

In two weeks, I was a legend.

- But you see, mi jefe--

- Look One-Eye, you're bandits,

not the little sisters of charity.

- But we are the most popular bandits in Texas.

People make songs about us.

We are heroes to the girls in the plaza,

but if we keep this gold

only the donkey will sing of El Puma.

- He's right, boy.

A man cannot escape his destiny.

- But California, the land of milk and honey.

- For you, Bowie, not for me.

But believe me, I cannot go without dishonor.

- Have your honor then.

I'm going to California.

- Yes Bowie, you are free and your money belt is full.

The road is open.

You have no obligations, no one put his trust in you.

Adios Bowie.

[speaks foreign language] [men whooping]

- [Jess] Well I was on my own,

so I started for that milk and honey.

Then I got an idea.

That Bowie was a big operator.

He was knee deep in milk and honey right here in Texas.

If I played it honest, he might deal me in.

Honest Jess Miller.

It sounded pretty good.

[dramatic music]

♪ Jim Bowie Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter a fearless and might adventurin' man ♪