02x17 - Silk Purse

[bunniefuu]

[thud]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold, adventurin' man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Fights for the right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪

- I tell you captain, I thought you were jokin'.

- Jokin', I was playing poker, and I thought you was, too.

- I mean, this is ridiculous, it's absurd.

And anyway, I'm on my way to Texas.

- Now, Mallie's a likely class, Mr. Bowie,

you won her fair and square.

It grieves me, it purely gravels me

to see you try to wiggle out of it.

- Alright, I won her fair and square

and I'm now returning her to you, fair and square.

The debt is canceled, it's wiped off the books, alright?

- What do you take me for, Mr. Bowie?

Let me tell you, sir, Captain Bill Dadcrio pays his debts.

Mallie! - Captain!

- Mallie! - Now wait a minute, here.

- Mallie, come here.

Make yourself known to Mr. Bowie.

Don't backwater, Mr. Bowie.

We'll she's a clean as you or me.

She's spent half this morning holy stonin' herself.

She's as fresh as paint and handy as a mule's heel.

- Howdy.

- Well, I guess I'd better be shoving off,

goodbye now, I'll pick you up at the end of the year.

- At the end of the year!

- It's all settled, Mr. Bowie.

- It is not all settled.

- Goodbye, Mal.

Oh, one of these days, likely Matt Lasher

will be coming down stream,

any word you want me to give him?

- You tell Matt Lasher I hope the alligators eat him.

[laughing]

- I ain't goin' back.

- Is that a fact?

- I know you ain't interested in me but I ain't goin'.

I would sooner eat apple cores and sleep in the streets.

- Well, you can't stay here.

For one thing, I'm leaving for Texas in the morning.

Tell me, does your father make a habit of this?

I mean, hiring you out to pay off his gambling losses?

- No.

- Why'd you come here, then?

You must have known it was crazy.

- Well, I'm crazy, I'm crazy to get

short of that chatty boat.

I could kiss every whisker in pa's beard

for giving me this chance.

- Chance?

Well, that's a fine chance, shoving you in the pot

for that high-toned Creole to sneer at?

- Well, he couldn't let you raise him out.

He was holding a jack fool.

- What do you know about poker?

- More than pa, I reckon.

He thinks all you gotta do in this world

is wait for five right cards.

Well, me, I'm different.

I aim to work hard for what I want.

- And what is it you want?

- Don't you laugh.

- [Jim] I won't laugh.

- I wanna live in a big white house.

- From chaddy boat to mansion, huh?

That's a mighty long step.

- It's a mighty long step to Texas, too.

But you're going there.

- Well, miss so and so, your servant.

- Ooh, ah, ooh, I didn't know you was gonna stoop over.

- It's alright, it's alright.

I recon there's quite a lot you don't know.

Question is, can you learn?

- Learn what?

- Well, I mean to take that step

from chaddy boat to mansion.

Our Creole neighbors who live out at Rampart street

they say it can't be done.

They say you can't make a silk purse out of a--

- Out of a sow's ear.

Well, I say you can.

- I do, too.

I think it could be done.

Strikes me they kinda miss the whole point of America.

Doesn't it you, Mallie?

Why, sure, you have as much right to live in

a big white house as any young miss with a title

and a Frenchified name a yard long.

And you know something?

I have a half a mind to stake you to a try.

- Oh, Mr. Bowie!

- Now, just a minute, miss so and so.

- I assure you, Monsieur Bowie,

no visit for you can be a distraction

and as for you charming little guest,

what do you take, my dear?

Cream or lemon.

- Lemon.

Cream.

- Very true, my dear, the lemons just now

are not what one would wish.

I said to good Madam Trudeau, these lemons are not--

- You should see the lemons in Texas, mademoiselle,

big as grapefruit, and speaking of Texas

- I know you are soon to return there, yes.

What a fascinating place it must be this Texas

to attract such a man as you, as my dear papa used to say.

- Well, you see, I'm setting out to Texas tomorrow.

And the thing that's puzzling me is what's to

become of this young lady.

She doesn't know anybody.

She doesn't know anyone in New Orleans, shes' all--

- Monsieur, Monsieur Bowie,

do not speak one more word, my house shall be hers.

We shall have charming times together,

you are permitted to go to ba*ls?

Has she made her debut?

Has she come out?

- Well, not exactly, mademoiselle.

- Oh, you mean her education has not yet

been completed, what good fortune.

You see, Monsieur Bowie, perhaps you did not know

that I, myself, occasionally to oblige a few friends

when in short, if you wish it I will personally

undertake the instructions of mademoiselle.

- You will?

Why mademoiselle, how wonderful!

Mallie, do you hear that?

Now there's a real lucky break for you.

- Why's it lucky?

You said she would.

- She's all yours, mademoiselle.

- Oh, dear, if you had seen the daughter

of Madame Decleau when she first came to me,

one does not wish to be unkind, but truthfully,

this was not an easy thing.

Surely mademoiselle with her charms

and her reflections, we may hope.

- I won't presume to advise you on the matter of her

equipment, but when this is gone, mademoiselle,

you just contact my banker for more.

- Oh, Monsieur Bowie, you are too generous.

- Now, Mallie, you listen to mademoiselle,

mind your lessons and remember that big white house.

Au revoir, mademoiselle.

- Au revoir, monsieur.

- Goodbye Mallie!

- A safe journey and a speedy return!

- Not too speedy.

- 80 prime!

[laughs]

[singing in foreign language]

- Excuse me mademoiselle, do you know where I can find the--

- Oh, Mr. Bowie!

- Well, now, look at this!

- Pray, be seated.

- Oh, why thank you.

- I trust you had a pleasant journey.

- Not very pleasant, no, but kinda interesting.

- May I offer you some tea?

- Well, I think I'll pass up the tea, thanks.

What's the matter, cat got your tongue?

You used to have plenty to say.

- I can't say nothing, anything.

I've said all I know, that about the tea,

I only learned yesterday.

- Oh.

[laughs]

- Oh, Mr. Bowie, sometimes I think, I just can't

take my shoes off, or eat with my fingers

or just say ain't once, I'll blow up.

- Oh, go on, say it, say it!

- Ain't.

Ain't.

Ain't, Ain't, Ain't, ain't, ain't, ain't!

- Modulate your voice, my dear!

Monsieur Bowie, what a delightful surprise!

Welcome, welcome!

- Thank you, we were just--

- Now, what do you think of our little pupil, huh?

Is she not ravishing?

A few months more, and I promise you

she will be able to choose from the most

eligible young men in New Orleans.

- A few months more, couldn't you speed things up a little?

Tonight I have a box at the opera.

- The opera!

- The opera!

- Please?

I won't open my mouth, honest.

I'll just sit and fan myself, I fan myself real good.

- Now, that's a fact she does, she fans herself real good.

- Oh my dear Monsieur Bowie, Melvina, my child,

I dare not risk it, I cannot help remembering

the words of my dearest papa.

He said to me, you must always walk before you can fly.

- Mallie, look a yonder, the fish are beginning to bite.

[orchestral music]

- Who's that?

- Oh, very old acquaintance of your father's and mine.

Very rich, very fine family, and Mallie, you know

what they say about Frenchmen eating frogs, don't you?

- Huh?

- Well you're looking at a Frenchman

who's just about to eat his words.

[grand orchestral music]

- Wasn't it prime?

I couldn't understand a word.

- Well, nevermind, that's not what you're here for.

- Ah, good evening, Monsieur Bowie!

- Ah, good evening Mister Presket!

- Pray present me?

- Oh yes, Mr. Presket, this is mademoiselle Brio.

- Enchante, mademoiselle.

- Pray, be seated.

- And now, if you excuse me,

I have a little business to attend to.

- Ah, mademoiselle, he's American,

how can Monsieur Bowie even

think of business at a time like this?

I assure you, mademoiselle, if I was fortunate to be

chosen your escort.

Consider me at your service.

- There he is.

- Mademoiselle, good night.

Ah, Monsieur Bowie!

- Mr. Presket.

- Thank you for a most entertaining visit.

- My pleasure, sir, been playing any poker lately?

[laughs]

How'd it go?

- Fine, fine, first rate.

- Did he ask to see you again?

- Why, sure, well, sure he did.

He wants to take me riding in a carriage, tomorrow.

- That's good, that's very good.

- But it's unheard of, a young girl

to go riding with a young boy unchaperoned.

- Well, mademoiselle, in this case, I mean

we have to make a few shortcuts.

Now, Mallie can take care of herself.

Well, now, let's see, let's try it, shall we?

Here we are, now Presket shows you into the carriage.

That's right, you sit down, he sits down.

Sit a little closer.

That's too close.

Now, we're drivin' along, we hit a rut in the road.

You lurch, go on lurch, that's it.

Then you kind of, he slips his arm around you

then chances are he'll begin to talk.

- What about?

- Himself, of course.

- What do I say?

- You don't say anything.

Mm.

[coughs]

- Oh, now the ride's over.

He brings you home, he steps out of the carriage.

He helps you out, that's right.

If he has any gumption at all, this is where

he's gonna try and kiss you.

- But I don't let him?

- No.

- Not just a little one?

- Well, maybe, maybe just a peck.

- You did that wrong!

- I did?

- You just give him a little peck, you understand.

Just a little peck, that's all you give him.

Then you duck right inside your door.

- A carriage!

It's close.

- [Jim] Now, wait a minute, I haven't finished yet.

- Oh well, school's out, Mr. Bowie.

Will you be here when I get back?

- Yes, I'll be here, you bet I'll be here.

- Oh, fine!

Well, I'll see you later, bye!

[wheels rattling]

- The same close carriage, ooh.

- [Mallie] What did you say, Pressie?

Well, just a peck.

- That was an awful long peck!

- Well, Mr. Bowie, you said we's obliged

to take a few shortcuts.

- Oh, Pressie!

Oh!

- Presket!

You're not going out with him again, you understand?

- But Mr. Bowie, everything's coming along just fine!

- Oh, it is, is it, why, you'd do anything for that

big white house, wouldn't ya?

- It ain't, it is not, just a house.

It's what goes with it.

- You don't really like that thin-blooded snob, do you?

- So what other chance have I got?

Nobody wants me but except a hog-stubborn horse-trader

named Matt Lasher and I'd sooner marry you than him!

- Well, I certainly wouldn't want to inflict

a fate like that on ya.

Dog my cats.

[choir singing]

- Hello, Captain.

- Well, hello Matt!

How's the freightin' business?

_ Oh, I quit that for horse trading.

- So you did, so you did.

How's the horse trading business?

- Quit that, too.

Where's Mallie?

- Well, to tell you the truth, Matt,

I ran into some heavy weather.

- Where is she?

- Well, I don't wanna haul wind on you,

but I lost her on a hand of poker.

- Poker?

- I lost her to a fella that had four queens, name of Bowie.

[mournful music]

- Just a minute.

What happened?

- I fell in.

- Fell in what?

- In the river. - In the river?

- And there's no use you asking me no more questions

because I ain't gonna answer.

I don't need to ask any more questions.

Now, you come along with me.

- Where are we going?

- To Presket's, that's where we're goin'.

- No, no I won't.

No, Mr. Bowie!

- Now come on young lady.

- No, please!

- Now, we've had enough of these shenanigans,

- Please, I never want to see him again.

I'm not gonna tell you, I don't ever want to see him again.

- Alright we're gonna get this set once and for all.

- No, no!

- Hey, cabbie, cabbie!

- Please let me down, I don't want to see him again.

No, no!

- Come on, in again, that's it.

- Mallie, Mallie!

- Presket! - No, no!

- No begrudging now, come on.

Ah, Mr. Presket.

As Ms. Crio's guardian I think I have the right

to ask you your intentions, monsieur.

- My intentions?

- That's right.

- Mr. Bowie, it ain't like you think it is.

- Now, there's been just about as much

riding around and lollygagging and peckin'

as a man can stand.

- I never went riding with him, I wanted you to know

how you'd feel if I did.

- The time has now come for you...

Is that a fact?

Then may I ask what you've been doing every afternoon

this past week?

- Sitting on the river bank dangling my feet in the water.

You ask the carriage driver if I ain't.

- I use the surprise to you.

- You mister, turn loose of my girl.

- I ain't your girl, Matt Lasher.

- Mallie, I told you I made a mistake, and I have.

I'm heading to Texas and you coming with me.

- I ain't, am not.

- Now, wait a minute, what's going on here?

- Hit him, Mr. Bowie!

[screaming]

Come on!

That was a good one!

Come on, hit him Mr. Bowie!

[laughs]

Come on, hit him Mr. Bowie!

- Stop it! - Sit down.

[speaking in foreign language]

[laughing]

[cheering]

- Come on, come on!

Hit 'em again, Matt, come on, Matt!

[choir singing]

He married a Creole, isn't that silly?

[laughing]

Oh, there's my man, he always was.

- Well, let's get goin'.

- Farewell my darling!

Take good care of her.

- Well, here we go!

- Oh, hey Matt, I got a little something for ya.

It's called a wet and pet.

- A Bowie knife, thanks kindly!

- You're welcome, Matt, use it to carve your initials

on the future state of Texas.

Bye now!

- Bye.

- You come see us now, Mr. Bowie,

we're gonna be living in a big, white house,

full of fancy rooms with lots of servants in starchy aprons.

- Starchy aprons, yeah I know.

- Goodbye now.

Goodbye, good luck.

Yonder goes Mrs. So and So.

- Mr. Bowie and lady, the drinks are on me.

- Oh, Monsieur Capitan, I do not know

what would my dear papa say?

- Why, he'd say Sydney, go right ahead,

it's all in the family.

[laughs]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪