01x15 - The Swordsman

[bunniefuu]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold adventurin' man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪

[dog barks] - Guro, down!

Guro, down!

[Guro growling]

- That's a real fine bear dog you got there, Hudson.

- Get out!

- You talking to me?

- You will hunt no more in these woods.

I have orders from Monsieur LeConte.

- Mister LeConte, who's he?

- A relative of the widow Trudeau.

- Old Lady Trudeau, huh?

Well you give the Count a message from me.

You tell him that old Mr. Trudeau used to hunt in my woods

and I'll hunt in his.

As soon as I finished my business in New Orleans,

I made straight for the Trudeau house on Royal Street.

Old Mr. Trudeau had been our neighbor

at Opelousas for many years,

though I had never laid eyes on his wife.

Seemed to me that the old lady was due for some plain talk.

- State your business, monsieur.

- My business is with Madame Trudeau, monsieur.

- I am a kinsman of madame.

I shall speak for her.

- Well, that's quite agreeable with me,

but I'd like to have her in the room while you're doing it.

- Monsieur, your manners need correction.

- Armand!

I was told Mr. Bowie was here.

- He is.

Your servant, ma'am.

- Astonishing.

- May I ask you to retire?

I shall speak for my brother. - But not for me, my child.

Won't you please sit down?

- Well thank you, but my time's very short.

Would you take me to Madame Trudeau?

- Madame Trudeau?

She is here.

- You?

- [Madame Trudeau] You were expecting someone different?

- Yes, ma'am.

- My husband often spoke of the great Jim Bowie.

[dishes clattering] - Excuse me. [chuckles]

Oh, yeah.

Your husband was a very fine, old gentleman.

I mean, he was a fine gentleman.

I thought a lot of him. - And he of you.

Alas, he could never persuade me to visit,

how do you say it? - Opelousas.

- Yes.

I do not care for the country, you see,

and my dear husband, he spoiled me.

He longed for the tranquility of Opelousas,

but I was very young and tranquility had no charms for me.

- Didn't you have any curiosity about your neighbors?

- When my husband spoke of you, he spoke as a man speaks.

He did not mention the qualities that a woman would notice.

- Such as?

- You have urgent affairs to discuss with me, yes?

- Uh, yes, if I could just recall what it is.

Oh, yeah.

Monsieur Trudeau was a very good neighbor.

There's something going on down there now

that I don't think he would like.

- At Opelousas? - Yes.

Two days ago, I was run off your property

by a man who said he was acting

on the orders of Monsieur LeConte.

- Oh, it is Armand's older brother, the Count De Nivernais.

- I see.

Then he's acting with your approval?

- The Count is a stranger here.

He does not understand American ways.

But you will always be welcome on my land, monsieur.

- Thank you, that's good to know.

Now, there's another thing.

Your husband always said that if his property

at Opelousas should ever change hands,

I'd be given first refusal.

- Well, it is a great responsibility for a woman alone,

all that [chuckles] sugar cane.

It is sugar cane? - Yeah, yeah, sugar cane.

A very valuable property.

- Then you think I should dispose of it?

- Yes, to me. [Madame Trudeau chuckles]

- But the Count, he also wishes to acquire it.

- I'll offer you more.

- Monsieur, I am rich.

Money is not the first important thing.

My husband had a feeling for his property.

I know he would wish it in good hands.

- Well, those are my sentiments exactly.

There's a bargain.

It'll be a pleasure to do business with you, ma'am.

- You're working too fast, monsieur.

I am only a woman and not clever at business.

What a pity your time is so short.

- I've got all the time in the world.

- Tomorrow?

Perhaps I will have an answer for you then.

- Will you put that in the form of a promise?

- Certainly.

I promise

that you may call again tomorrow.

- Yes, ma'am!

Morning, ma'am.

My rig's waiting.

Always did prefer to talk business in the open air.

- Monsieur Bowie, no one talks business on Sunday.

- Huh?

Oh, well then, we'll have to talk about something else.

- Monsieur, I am escorting the lady.

- We'll excuse you.

Shall we go? - Indeed, no.

I have just been to Mass.

I'd have to change my costumes.

- Oh.

- And my mood. - Oh.

- Well, Monsieur Bowie? - My apologies, ma'am.

I've been--

- You have disgraced yourself and me,

not to speak of Armand.

- Well, can't you make allowances

for a wild back woodsman.

- But you are not a wild back woodsman.

You're a man of importance, of birth and property.

You could be the equal of any gentleman in your league,

and look at yourself. - Hm?

- A creature with the clothes of a plow boy

and a manners of a red Indian.

[bright choral music]

- Oh, there you are at last. - Hello, Maurice.

- You have been avoiding me.

- Well, I've been kinda busy.

- What is the occasion?

A wedding or a funeral? - I don't know yet.

- Listen, [speaking in foreign language].

It is the privilege of an old friend

to speak the disagreeable truth.

The lady is not for you.

- You're a newspaper man, Maurice.

You oughta know better than to listen to gossip.

- I hope I won't have to print it.

[speaking in foreign language]

Presume your buckskins and go back to your wilderness.

You and Madame Trudeau are of different worlds.

You don't belong in hers.

- [chuckles] I don't belong in this discussion either.

- Jim, I warn you.

You will get hurt. - Save your breath, Maurice.

Print your gossip if you like.

Uh-huh.

Thank you.

Ooh. [chuckles]

[smooches]

[both laugh]

- A little better, but still you clutch.

Remember, Monsieur Bowie, I am not something to eat.

- Yes, ma'am.

I mean, no ma'am. - Ah, once again.

- Now look, this is silly.

Where I come from, a kiss is a kiss.

And I prefer the American way.

- Bonjour, Madame.

- Excuse me. - Excuse me.

- Great.

Are we ready to begin today's lesson?

- As ready as I'll ever be.

- Oui, monsieur.

Monsieur, your partner.

[speaking in foreign language]

Turn, turn, turn.

Ah, monsieur.

I must advise you that you have need to be more skillful.

- Explain yourself. - En garde!

In Pakistan, monsieur,

the foil is an angel of death

in a hand such as yours.

Compose yourself, monsieur.

To die by the sword is the final elegance.

- What are you trying to tell me?

- Only that the charming widow is very lovely and very rich.

- Go on.

- Our Creole gentlemen are of a jealous disposition,

and they are trained in swordsmanship from the cradle.

- Well, I'm a long ways from the cradle,

so I reckon it's too late for me to get the hang on it.

[sword thuds]

[bright choral music]

- Monsieur Pamontie is arranging a party at the opera.

They say he's enamored with the new singer, Mannan Solange.

Can you believe it?

- I'm afraid I won't be here for Monsieur Pamontie's party.

- Not here? - Nope.

I'll be on the road to Opelousas.

- Will you make a long stay? - I live there.

Maybe you've forgotten that.

- I shall miss you. - No, you won't.

You're coming with me. - Coming with you?

- Now, you said you weren't very clever at business,

but you must know you can't get something for nothing.

- But I would die in Opelousas!

- You wouldn't do any such thing.

You'd get brown in the sun.

You'd get fat on mama's cooking.

[speaking in foreign language].

You'll learn to ride a horse astride

and to sh**t like a man. - Oh, don't!

- And when I get a hankerin' to come back here

and visit New Orleans again, you won't even wanna come.

I'll have to drag you here, kickin' and scratchin'.

- Oh, you're mad.

- I don't know what the folks will say

back home when they see me coming

down the pike all decked out like a river boat gambler,

smelling like a rose.

But with you alongside me, it'll be worth it.

Then, we'll have a wedding such as Opelousas never saw.

- Madame.

I took the liberty of entering unannounced.

- Of course.

What a pity you can't stay, Monsieur Bowie.

- Bowie of Opelousas?

- Your servant.

- Oh. [chuckles]

My kinsman, the Count De Nivernais.

- Monsieur. - Count.

- I have just returned from your part of the country.

Tell me, are you a huntsman?

- Victor, we must not keep Monsieur Bowie.

- You're not keeping me.

- The words appear most promising.

Tell me, is there good sport?

- You can usually stir up a little excitement.

- Ah, excellent.

I must have some sh**ting before returning to France.

- I'll be glad to have you as my guest, sir.

- Thank you, monsieur.

I should prefer to try my luck at my own estates.

I join in yours.

- I'm afraid I've beat you to it.

Madame Trudeau has agreed to sell to me.

- You have made a mistake, monsieur.

Madame has done me the honor

of accepting my proposal of marriage,

and the estate at Opelousas

is part of the marriage settlement.

- Is this the truth?

Is it, Liane?

My apologies, Count.

This is the last time I'll trespass on your property.

[light music]

[speaking in foreign language]

- Try not to remember the lady with bitterness.

Did I not warn you that she was of a different world?

To her and her kind, marriage is a business arrangement.

Her father bestowed her on old Trudeau because he was rich.

She bestowed herself on the Count because he has a title.

[knocking]

I'll answer it.

- Monsieur Toulouse.

I would have a word with you, Mr. Bowie.

Monsieur will be witness.

- Hit him!

- Your apprentice is quick-witted.

He knows if you strike me with your fist,

you will be debarred from the privilege of the duel.

- A duel is no privilege to me.

I fight for my own reasons, nobody else's.

- You've grossly insulted my brother

and forced your intentions on a lady

who is to become my wife. - Is that what she told you?

- [chuckles] Monsieur, I did not question her.

I say your intentions were unwelcome.

If you say otherwise, you're a liar.

- Hey Count, you're really spoiling for a fight, aren't you?

- Monsieur, my name is a proud one.

I cannot marry until the stain

of this scandal has been wiped away.

- Well, in that case, let's get it over with.

I don't wanna hold up the wedding.

- Jim, I--

- Maurice, will you act for me?

- As the challenged party,

you have the choice of weapons, monsieur.

- Where I come from we generally

settle our differences with our fists.

- We will choose pistols.

- Oh, is Monsieur Bowie afraid

to match swords with my brother?

- Armand!

- On second thought, make it swords.

- Jim, don't be a fool.

- Maurice, you make all the arrangements.

We mustn't keep the bride waiting.

- At sunrise tomorrow, behind the cathedral.

Monsieur knows the place.

- You have just thrown your life away.

- You think so?

- The Count is a deadly swordsman.

You'll be helpless against him.

- Well, maybe he'll let me off easy.

- Don't be a child.

He knows his future wife has a weakness for you.

He must k*ll you to ensure his hold

upon her affections and her dowry.

- Well, if things are as bad as you say,

I better write a letter to mama.

- Jim, for heaven's sake!

[knocking]

- I followed the Count.

There has been a challenge? - Naturally.

- Oh, how foolish men are.

- It is women who make them so.

- My carriage is outside.

We can be 20 miles away by daybreak.

- We? - Yes!

Isn't it what you wanted? - I'm going to Opelousas.

- Then I, too, will go to Opelousas.

- You trying to tell me to run away?

- Yes, I implore you.

- Look, I can't make you a Countess.

- It does not matter.

Please come.

- You won't see an opera in Opelousas.

- You mustn't stay.

Come with me!

- My nearest neighbor does belong to a mighty old family.

He's part Choctaw.

I believe mama said his wife had quit dipping snuff.

- You despise me. - Oh, no.

No, ma'am, I don't despise you.

Seems I think more highly of you

than you think of me, else you wouldn't be here.

- But you cannot fight him!

- I've been hearing a lot about the Count's proud name.

What you folks don't seem to understand

is I'm proud of my name too!

[eerie choral music]

Maurice?

Show Madame Trudeau to her carriage.

- It isn't necessary.

God be with you.

- If my luck runs out, see that mama gets this one.

- What are you going to do?

Pray, I hope.

- Well first, I'm gonna pay a little visit

to Captain Jean Lafitte. - Lafitte?

That cutthroat?

He knows nothing of affairs of honor.

- That's the point, but he knows a great deal about swords.

[bell tolling]

We brought our own.

We said swords, didn't we?

- Monsieur! - No, Armand.

It will make the contest more interesting.

[metal clanging]

[grunting]

- Satisfied, Count?

- No, monsieur.

- All right, we'll do it my way.

Come on, put up your hands.

That's it.

[groans]

[spits]

- I've traveled much in England, monsieur.

My mother's related to the Marquess of Queensberry.

[grunting]

- Marquess of Queensberry, huh?

[groaning]

Are you satisfied now?

- Monsieur.

- What are you saying?

Death would be preferable. - Oh, be quiet, Armand.

My respects, monsieur.

I should always be grateful

that you did not allow me to k*ll you.

- Don't mention it.

- That the aforesaid property shall,

in consideration of the aforesaid sum--

- Oh, Monsieur.

One of the first things Monsieur Bowie

ever said to me was that his time was short.

Thank you.

The land is yours, monsieur.

Good hunting.

- Thank you, Countess.

- I'll be thinking of you walking in those woods.

I wish I could have walked beside you,

but they're all so hard and rough,

those ways through the woods.

Adieu. - Adieu.

- No.

Once, the American way.

[gentle choral music]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪