ball. We're just making some calls to
strangers. Come on, come
onYou can say what you want, and they'll
never know if you're deranged. Oh,
what?But it doesn't really matter. No, it
doesn't really matter. 'Cause we'll all
be doubled over with laughter at the
expense of others, maybe even your
mother. Won't you join the Crank Yeagers
tonight?Crank Yeagers.
Good evening, this is Reba Mae. Hey, Reba
Mae, how you doing?I need to make a
reservation. I'm gonna need about 12
rooms. 12 rooms?You must have a whole lot
of people coming. Oh, yeah, we on tour.
We got everybody. Well, that's fantastic.
Who are you with?Um, the Wu-Tang, we got
Method Man, RZA, the
JZA,Old dirty b*stard inspected
debt, new god, ghost face k*ller,
Rayquan, the chef. Everybody's there.
You down with this?Well, I tell you what,
sir, I wished I could help you, but I'm
not big enough for that. For 12 rooms?
No, I only have two rooms. I'll
take that. That sounds good. Just so long
as we can fit the girls in there with us,
you know what I'm saying?Who am I
speaking to again?HuhOh, this shaving.
S-H-A-V-I-N, like I'm shaving my
face. Neat. And you're a
rock group, or... Straight hip-hop, you
know, from the streets. Hardcore the
real deal, weed smokers. You know what
I'm saying?My daughters probably know
this. I have a daughter who teaches
swing. She knows wutang. She knows
wutang. Yeah, but first of all,
I'm alcohol-free and smoke-free. No,
that's straight, man. We smoke outside.
Okay. You got turntables and microphones?
I don't have that. I have an old... An
old '70s record player. That'll work.
Okay, where are you performing?Excuse me,
ma'am. Excuse me one second. No problem.
Yo, shut the f*ck up man. I'm on the
m*therf*cking telephone, all right?
Excuse me, ma'am. Well, I'm
not quite sure that I can totally fit
your needs. Okay, I understand that, but
y'all do keep it real over there, right?
You mean like a movie reel?Yeah, no, like
some people is fake. Y'all are real,
right?Yeah, you're right, we're not fake,
we're real. No doubt. You know
rap music at all?No, I'm afraid I don't.
I like rap, particularly Christian rap.
Word. Yeah, we could do that, too. We do
all that. I'll bust Christian rhymes,
whatever you want to hear, just so long
as I'm practicing. You know what I'm
saying?Ohh Yeah, Yeah I understand that.
If you want, I could even write a rap
about your bed and breakfast. That's
cool. But I really got to think on
this, and unfortunately, I have to leave
pretty soon. I haveI'm going to work with
some kids, little kids at the church
tonight. Oh, OK. Tell the the kids I say
God bless from the Wu-tang. OK.
I mean, Aunt Reba's B&B. I'm down. It's
you and me all the way from New York to
Washington, DC to Iowa, all the way I
go. Let me check with my husband and make
sure he's he's willing to give up his bed
for shizzle, my nizzle. OK. And I guess
the only concern I have is that we don't
want to have some kind of, like I said, a
lot of parties and a lot of ladies coming
and going. You want me all to yourself?
Yeah, that's right. That's absolutely
right. I know how it is don't read when
I'm sexy like this. OK. All right,
Wu-tang. All right, thanks a lot. All
right, peace. I'm out. Peace. Bye.
Hello. Bobby d*ck please. That's him.
Bobby, let me ask you a question, sir.
How would you be interested in being in a
book of famous people?What's this all?
all about. What we're doing is we're
compiling a book of unusual names,
and you are at almost the top of our
list. Bobby d*ck would be, and and
we've got Bobby d*ck we've got Helen an*s
we've got Jack Rectum and we're looking
to put together a whole compilation of
interesting names and interesting people.
How does that hit you?It don't. Well, we
would pay you for it, Sir. Well, how much?
Well, what would you like?We can
certainly negotiate for a name. A couple
I'm sorry. I used your name in a joke
there. That wasn't very nice. No, I I'm
very serious about this whole project.
OK. Robert d*ck would be right next to
some other famous names. Are you familiar
with the name Arthur BungholeNo. All
right, he's in there. Oh, do you know
Tommy ba*ls?No. All right. Jack
Mehoff. No. All right, we got some names.
What about Danny Dong?No. Do you know
any of these people, Sir?No, none of
them. When did you first get your name?
When I was born. Is that your real name?
That's right. All right. When you've
given your name, were you ever teased in
school?No. Did no one ever said Bob up
and kiss my DickNo. All right. Are you
married, Sir?Absolutely. All right. What
was it like?63 years. Oh,
congratulations. All right. What was it
like when the priest said, do you, Mrs.
d*ck take Mr. d*ck for life, for better
or for worse?Did people snicker?
Absolutely not. I don't blame you. You
are a terrific sir. Are there any little
Dicks in the family?Yeah. Well, that is a
sensational family, sir. And I don't want
to take up any more of your time. You are
a very wonderful DickThat's all I can
say. Well, thank you. And it's been a joy
talking to you, and God bless you. Yeah.
Mm-hmmBye. Bye.
Good afternoon. Is this the manager?
Yes. All right. The fried
chicken place. Yes. I
got a problem here. OK, go ahead.
I ordered some food from you people a
little while ago, and I open the
bucket and I get
a beak in there. A
fried beak. What the hell's that
doing in there?A what?A
beak. A chicken beak. A chicken beak.
You know those things chickens have on
their face that they ate wet?We only sell
the breast, the leg and the wings.
That's what I wanted. And I pick up
the cover and I get a leg
and I get a breast and I get a
beak. Hold on, hold on. Yeah.
Hello KSP. How may I help you?I just. I
just found another one. Another one of
what?Another chicken beak out of my
bucket. I don't know who ordered
beaks, but it wasn't me and I almost
busted my dentures biting this thing.
OK, now I swallowed a piece of
it here and it's scratching me all the
way down my intestines.
I'm afraid that when I go to the
bathroom, something sharp is going to
come out. Well, Sir, the only thing I can
tell you is that you would have to have
somebody bring it back in. Yeah. What are
you people going to do about this here
when I bring these beaks in there?I just
found another one. There's three beaks in
this bucket. This bucket is
completely beak laden. I can
replace the meal, but you have to bring
back the meal that you have. I don't want
it if it's going to be all beaky this
time again. Now
listen, I need you to make me a promise
there, darling, that you will
not stick no more beaks in my food. Yes,
I promise. Promise what?That I won't put
no beak in the chicken when there's no
beaks in the chicken as the chicken comes
as cut. They supposed those things are
not supposed to be in the. Well, somebody
cut the beak off and I got a little piece
of the head in there too. OK, so
this ruins dinner for me. I'm sorry
about that. I know, I knowYou know what?
You've been very sweet. I'll tell you
that I'm going to come over there and.
And I'll bring my bucket of beaks and
maybe I'll rub up against you a little
there too, darling. OK. I'll give you a
good rubbing. OK then. Have a nice
evening. OK. I'm going to go choke to
death on this freaking food. OK.
Today's show is brought to you by the
letters
FU and K.
Hello. Hi, I'm responding to your ad in
the paper for a nanny. OK, um, would it
be OK if I called you back tomorrow at
some point?
Fine. Is that
OK?Yeah. Could I ask you just a
couple questions?Real quick. Real quick.
Real quick. Sure. We're right in the
middle of dinner. That's the only reason.
Oh, I'm so sorry. That's OK. It's not a
problem. Go ahead and ask. I just wanted
to know if you had a TV. If we have a TV.
Yeah. In the house. Yeah. Yes.
Great. And do you have covered parking?
Yes. Great. And
do you have cable, satellite, VCR, like
the whole works or?Great.
And you don't have a hot tub, do you?A
what?A hot tub?
No, we don't. Oh, what are you
eating?I'm just curious, what would you
need that for with twins?
Clean them. I don't know. Cleaning them.
Or, I mean, I don't know. Once I put them
to bed, I might. I just might
want to have a hot tub. I don't know.
It's I have really high stress,
so like, I need to always be able to
soothe, you knowOK. And I have eczema.
I'll be, I'll be very honest with you
that if if you're a person who
tends to have high stress, this may not
be the position for you. Well, I love
kids. I mean, for me that that makes
the stress less, you know?You know
you know what?I like you. I'm
hired.
OK. I'm hired. I would like to speak with
you tomorrow if that's possible and we
can discuss this further. I have an awful
lot of people that I have to call back
and I and I I don't want to. During
dinner?No, not right now. That's
what I'm saying. A lot of people have
called. So when would I be starting?
I can't tell you that you've been hired.
Oh, I've been hired.
Don't you worry about that. How big is
the TV?I really have to go right
now, but thank you for calling. You
are now connected to your phone mate. Go
ahead, please. Hello.
Hi. HiHow are you?I'm doing OK. What's
your name?The guy's name is
Tim. Hold on, let me see what
the guy wants. OK.
What are you wearing?What am I
wearing?I am wearing pink panties
and a pink bra. OK, hold on one second.
Pink. Who are you?My name's Rob.
And, umAnd a pink, was it pink bra?
Pink bra. OK. Yeah.
Take off the bra.
OK. She is
taking it off
now.
OK. I need to ask you a question. What
are you?What are you doing?Oh,
I'm just doing a favor for a buddy
of mine. He's deaf and he wanted to call
a phone sex line. So. He's telling me
what he wants. I'm, you know, I'm telling
you. And then when you tell me what
you're doing or doing to him, I'm going
to type it out so he can, you know, do
what you know he's going to do. What's
your name?My name is Selena.
Selena. OK, I'll just say Selena, go.
OK, Selena, go.
What turns him on sexually?What
turns you on
sexually?
Rough stuff. Oh,
I like it rough too. I like. I like it
rough and deep, but
I... Just slow down a second. I'm not a
very fast typist. Oh. He
wants to know what you want him to do to
you. OK, well, my p*ssy
is shaved and I love having a
guy go down on me and eat my p*ssy
And she likes to have
a guy go down
on her shaved
thingamabob.
Oh, I'm gonna add a little
to the endof that one. Um, do you
like a**l
Yeah, yeah, she
does like a**l and she
wants you to.
Pound her like a
veal. Cutlet.
I'm just trying to pick up the pace here.
Let's just kick it up a notch. Well, I've
never done this before. Hey, I haven't
either. I haven't either.
Can you stroke his lobes?Yeah, I can.
I'm real good at that. She will
suck on your
lobe,
motherfuckerI'll
tell you what, I'm gonna... I'm going to
put the phone up against his ba*ls. If
you could just yell really loud, he'll
feel the vibration on his b*ll s*ck
what?Anything. Just so you could yell the
Gettysburg Address. He can't tell. I'm
just going to put the phone up against
the old coin purse and let's just see if
we can get this thing over with. Just
loud as you can so he can feel the
vibration 123.
All right, that is that is super hot.
That is really working his prank pretty
hard. Let's get back to your p*ssy
Oh, I have that lip. Oh, OK.
He wants to know if you're Asian.
Can I just say you're Asian?Because it's
going to make this go quicker. But I'm
not Asian. I know, but he wants it to be
an Asian chick. I'm just going to say
that you're Asian. She's Asian.
He wants you to do the yell thing up
against the. His, you know, his.
Oh, wait one second. OK, he wants to
yell, but this time in Chinese. OK,
That's great. That's working. Go.
Hey, hey, heyWhat's the keyboard?He wants
the key. Oh, great. I'm going to take AQ
tip to this entire board now. He's gummed
up the works. Very funny.
You're paying for my dry cleaning. Okay,
we're done. Thank you. Thank you.