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01x05 - The Weakest Link/Lumpy Treasure

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Camp Lazlo". Aired: July 8, 2005 – March 27, 2008.*
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Series follows Lazlo, an anthropomorphic spider monkey who goes to a camp called "Camp Kidney", a Boy Scout–like summer camp in the Pimpleback Mountains.

01x05 - The Weakest Link/Lumpy Treasure

Post by bunniefuu »

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for "camp lazlo."

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went

To camp

And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o

Yodel-le-eee ♪

[



Yes, what is it?

I'm busy!

Ooh!

Commander hoo-ha!

What an honor, sir.

I--yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

But, sir.

Hello?

What is it, scoutmaster?

That was commander hoo-ha.

He's in town and wants to come

By to do a camp inspection

Tomorrow morning.

Must tell scouts.

Must tell now.

The guy says to the chicken,

"How are you ever going to get

Your taxidermy badge if you

Never learn how to play the

Accordion?"

I love badge humor.

Mayonnaise.

Ooh!

Scoutmaster lumpus!

[Speaking gibberish]

He's trying to tell us

Something.

He's trying to tell you that

Commander hoo-ha is coming for

Inspections tomorrow morning.

Commander hoo-ha?!

And he says, "be prepared

Because this time failure is not

An option."

Failure is not an option?

This is serious, guys.

Remember what happened last time

We failed inspections?

Yeah.

They cut off our clean underwear

Rations.

And we all know why we

Flunked inspections last time.

It gives you such a warm

Feeling, doesn't it?

Warm and fuzzy.

Do it again, lazlo.

Yeah, do it again.

Ok, ok.

Sit back.

[Whistling]

And voila!

Fire!

Whoo hoo!

Don't ever cream those elbows,

Lazlo!

Yeah, don't cream them.

Do it again, lazlo.

I don't know.

[Sniffing]

I smell gas.

Clam!

No, not like that.

Like a gas leak.

You should never light a flame

Around a gas leak.

[All sniffing]

Smell it?

I don't smell anything,

Lazlo.

Me neither.

No?

Oh, well.

Ok, here goes.

There has to be some way to

Get those guys out of camp

Before they mess up inspections

Again.

[Boom]

It's just that they never do

What anyone tells them to do.

I hate nonconformists.

I know what you mean.

Sometimes I think true

Conformists like us are becoming

Extinct.

Hey, guys.

Aren't you those wimpy

Environmentalist types who are

Into endangered species?

What do you think about that

Rock that is about to go extinct

Over the next ridge?

An endangered rock?

How far?

About a two-day hike.

Here.

We packed you a couple hours of

Rations, and here's a map.

This will show you the exact

Location of the rock.

Don't lose the map, and if you

Get lost, just keep going.

You'll be remembered in rock

History.

You'll be heroes.

Bon voyage!

Au revoir!

So long!

Too-doo-loo!

Well, that takes them for a

While.

What happens when they find

The rock?

There is no rock, dung head.

But--but you gave them a map.

To keep them going in circles

For the next two days.

Circles?

What an evil plan.

Oh.

Ok.

I'm done cleaning up the camp.

You guys, dave can't start

Fire.

What?

Can't start fire?

The loon always starts fire!

Without fire, we will never

Pass inspections!

Hmm.

Wait a minute.

I know someone who can start

Fire.

What?

Who?

Wait a minute.

Not monkey boy.

We need fire.

He starts fire.

Lazlo is our only hope.

Edward gave them a map

Sending them in circles.

Huh.

How far can they be?

[Screeches]

[Grunting]

My corns are k*lling me.

I am very parched.

Liquid refreshment would be

Beneficial.

Wow!

What a view.

Isn't this great, raj?

Yes, it is quite panoramic.

This is a swell place to

Check where we are, o keeper of

The map.

Ok, but first, could you do

The fire trick again?

Oh, please, oh, please, please!

Ok.

Just once.

An object to light, please.

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Aah!

I love that trick, lazlo!

Hee hee hee!

Ok.

The map, please.

Sure, lazlo.

Uh, uh.

Here.

I am so sorry, lazlo.

Oh, what are we going to do?

I have enflamed the map!

We will never find the rock.

Never find water!

I'm already dizzy from

Dehydration.

You guys, look.

What is that?

It looks like a long lost

Village of fabled indigenous

Peoples.

Do you think they know what

Water is?

I don't know, but we should

Be careful.

They may be completely untouched

By modern civilization.

We have 3 very eccentric

Princes from finland returning

Here to wampum springs resort.

I am assigning you two to cater

To their every whim.

Yes, o sparkling one.

I heard these guys are really

Weird.

That must be them now.

Greetings, weary travelers.

We come in peace for all

Mankind.

Water!

Wait.

Let me handle this.

You have to be very delicate.

One false move, and they'll rip

Off our socks and feed them to

The jackals.

Ahem.

Shaah!

Ay, ya!

♪ Whoopee nai yi yo ai yea ya

Ya o yea yippee yi whoa

Ya ooh choca-loca-looka

Hoochie-coochie ha ja ri ya

Buffalo

Bu-ffa-lo-la

Buffalo-lo

Buffalo-lo

Baffa lik-a water

Water

Yo water, water, water

Ya whoa water

Water, water, water

Do you have any water? ♪

Sparkling or noncarbonated?

Uh, sparkling would be good.

I am moonstone, and this is

Smooth pebble.

Excuse us as we summon your

Requested masseuse.

But, lazlo, I'm not fond of

Sparkling water.

You rember big, hairy

Mountain man.

Ook!

Me big, hairy mountain man.

[Panting]

I can't walk another step.

With that map we gave them, we

Should have crossed paths hours

Ago.

And it's getting late.

Shouldn't we be heading back to

Camp?

Yeah, ok.

Camp is that way.

It's that way!

That way!

That way!

That way!

That way!

That way!

That way.

That way.

You're probably right.

It was that way.

[Coyote howls]

I want my mama.

This is just great.

Lost, no food, no tent.

And no fire!

If we don't get back to camp

Before hoo-ha shows up, it's no

Clean underwear for another

Year.

Just think, guys.

If we are this miserable,

Imagine how bad off those jelly

Cabin dweebs must be.

Oh, this is nice.

You guys are very civilized.

Like hot tub.

Like hot tub.

You like big, hairy mountain

Man massage?

Oh, yeah, but--

Raj, you got to try this

Seaweed wrap and--uh, what are

These things on my eyes?

Scallops.

I trust everything is

Satisfactory.

Is there anything we can get for

You?

Actually, could you get us

Some new underwear?

Absolutely.

Monogrammed and hand-woven from

The thread of the rare

Yakki-yakki spider.

Yakki-yakki underwear!

I like that!

Is there anything else we can

Do for you before you dream?

Uh, actually, mr.

Moonpie, we are hunting for a

Rock in this area that is about

To go extinct, and we torched

The map--

Say no more, sir.

We will find it for you.

You sleep soundly and leave it

To us.

[Snoring]

Uh, sir.

Aah!

Don't steal my underwear!

It's bleached!

Sir, no one reported to chow

Hall for breakfast.

What?

No one's eating?

No, sir.

There's no one in camp.

What?

Nobody?

No, sir.

Empty.

[Watch ticking]

Commander hoo-ha will be here

In an hour!

For crying out loud.

Just our luck.

Who would have thought we'd pick

A poison ivy patch to sleep in?

Who would have thought that

Violent bear would be attracted

To the meat-flavored lip balm in

My pocket?

I wish we had that lip balm

For breakfast right now.

I'm starving.

Yeah.

I'm so hungry, I'm seeing

Things.

I'm seeing things, too.

I'm seeing those radical jelly

Cabin guys across the river.

Look!

It is those guys, and they're

Smiling.

Look up here!

Hey, jelly guys!

Hey, guys!

We got the rock.

See you back at camp.

[Tires squeal]

Me just love those guys.

Aah!

Ok, ok.

You go here, mr. Fake scout.

Don't move.

We're gonna pass inspections.

Car approaching, car

Approaching.

What?

Car?

Hoppin' holidays!

It's hoo-ha!

Attention!

It's an honor to have you here.

Welcome to camp kidney.

Gee, thanks, scoutmaster

Lumpus.

What?

You!

You!

Why, you, I ought to--

Ought to what, scoutmaster

Lumpus?

Commander hoo-ha!

I ought to--

Lumpus!

What is the meaning of your

Scouts wandering around outside

Of camp?

Why, whatever do you mean?

Can't you see all my scouts are

Here?

Uh, heh heh.

If that's true, then who are

These?

Hmm.

Never saw them before in my

Life?

Pity!

These scouts should be

Commended.

They risked their life to rescue

This rock that was about to go

Extinct!

They are the classic example of

What scouting is all about!

Oh, hello.

On second thought, they do look

Familiar.

Good.

Take care of this rock.

Ooh!

And get us some grub.

I am famished.

You know, son, these new

Underpants you gave me are

Fabulous!

They're yakki-yakki.

Arr!

Ouch.

You need massage?

Ahem.

Shah!

♪ Ay yi whoa yea ya

Who choca-loca-lo

Whoopee nai yea yo

Yi yea yo whoa ahh ya yo yea

Yippee yai whoa

Ooh choca-loca-lo

Buffalo

Bu-ffa-lo-la

Ya

Whoopee nai yea yo

Yi yea yo whoa ahh ya yo yea

Yippee yai whoa

Yi yea yo whoa ahh ya yo yea

Yippee yai whoa

Ooh choca-laca-loca ♪

[Crash]

Oh, boy.

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for "camp lazlo."

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio went

To camp

And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o

Yodel-le-eee ♪

This story is about the

Cursed lumpy treasure.

It's a story about a ruthless

Outlaw named three-eyed fred...

[Thunder]

Who robbed a treasure train a

Long time ago and buried the

Treasure on the darkest,

Creepiest, the spookiest island

In all of leakey lake--itchy

Island!

Aah!

But because fred took his

Secret to the grave, no one

Knows where the treasure is

Buried.

Well, hello, little guy.

[Buzzing]

[Whistles]

But there are a few who do know

Where that treasure is buried,

For the mosquitoes of itchy

Island will one day bite the

Chosen one on their exposed

Flesh, revealing a secret map to

The treasure of three-eyed fred.

A map to the treasure on the

Skin of a chosen one?

What a tremendous burden that

Would be.

I cannot imagine such a fate.

What a curse.

What a skin condition.

What a--aah--pain in my

Derriere!

Yaah!

Ooh, aah, eeh, golee!

Shoo!

Get away, disgusting bugs.

My flesh is not your feast.

The raj drive-through is now

Closed.

Please do not come again.

Raj.

I am going to have to start

Sleeping in shrink-wrap.

The map!

Wrap!

I said shrink-wrap.

The prophecy has been

Fulfilled!

Oh, lazlo, what are you

Babbling on about now?

Ooh!

Raj.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no...

Do you know what this means?

No, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, don't say it.

Don't say it.

No, no.

Adventure!

Adventure!

[Thunder]

Don't you see, raj?

The mosquitoes have chosen your

Rumpus to reveal the map to the

Treasure.

You are the chosen one.

I don't like them choosing

Me.

Uh, chosen rumpus.

Don't say rumpus.

Ah, adventure, raj.

Can you smell it?

That's not adventure you're

Smelling.

[Rustling]

You guys hear that?

[Whimpering]

What? What? What, what, what?

What are you doing?

What do you think I am doing?

I am scratching.

You can't do that.

You'll ruin the map, mappy.

Mappy?

Now, wait just a minute.

My name is raj, not mappy, and

My butt is not--aah!

We're here.

Itchy island.

Ok.

Let's take a look at that map.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Not out here.

Mappy.

Do not map me.

Come on, mappy.

Besides, we're totally alone.

Who will be around to see?

It's the chosen one.

He's got the map right on his

Butt.

I can't believe it.



Island.

"Let's stay at camp," I say.

"We're only 10 years old."

"No," you say.

"We've got to look for this

Treasure."

You were gonna be the chosen

One.

"We've got to go to itchy

Island."

Shut your beak, you old hoot.

All we have to do is capture

This elephant, and his rump will

Lead us to the treasure.

The treasure.

Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.

Whoop, whoop.

Whoop, whoop.

What is that creepy noise?

This place is creeping me out,

Lazlo.

Just pull on the rope, and

The map is ours.

This treasure is very old.

Maybe it's liver or an old piece

Of cheese.

Ready, pull!

Aah!

I'm being attacked by a rope.

Attacked by a rope!

Ow.

Unh!

Lazlo!

Help!

There are dangerous things in

This jungle, lazlo.

They are trying to get me.

It was horrible.

Mappy, get a hold of

Yourself.

Let me ask you something.

Is your rump ok?

You are a sick monkey, lazlo.

On with the adventure!

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Aah!

I--aah!

He's mine, he's--

Well, that was definitely

Strange.

Don't you think that was

Strange?

You know, the vine, it just

Broke like that?

Hello?

I mean, that was strange, right?

> Whoa, oh, oh.

Nobody cares if itch.

Nobody, nobody.

Aah!

Eeh!

This is very suspicious.

Oh, oh!

Aah!

That was suspicious.

That was suspicious!

Aah!

Eeh!

Aah!

[Sobbing]

Lazlo, I choose to go home.

I am not enjoying myself.

Mappy, if you want, we can go

Home right now.

Really?

Or we can pick ourselves up

And point ourselves in the face

Of adventure!

No, thank you.

I'd rather do as you stated

Previously and go home.

That settles it then.

Adventure it is!

They are not my friends.

They are pooh-pooh!

You need real friends.

I need real friends.

Friends who help you.

Friends--friends who help me.

Ohh.

Friends--

What kind of--

Real good friends like you

Play cards with.

If I need a friend, it's not

A bush, especially not a

Confused bush.

Tommy and timmy are our

Names.

We didn't know if there were

Any, uh, mosquito bites you need

Help with.

Yeah, especially ones shaped

Like treasure maps.

Huh?

Either you two are very old

Bean scouts, or your mother

Never put sunscreen on you.

Which way will it be?

Mappy?

Mappy?

Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop,

Whoop.

What's going on back there?

Over cr*pple creek at 15

Paces southeast.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, uh-huh.

Quite drafty back there.

Please don't dillydally.

Feel free to apply the ointment

At any time.

Here we are.





Hello?

Hang right.



"X" marks the spot!

And right under our beaks the

Whole time!

Wait a minute.

You guys aren't my friends.

You just want the treasure.

And just where do you think

You're going?

Poor raj is lost and alone.

I was so caught up in the

Adventure, I only saw raj as a

Map.

We've got to find raj.

Whoop, whoop, whoop.

Just keep digging,

Butterball.

I am still very thirsty.

Oh, my gosh!

Raj is in that hole.

They're burying him alive.

[Clang]

Unh!

I cannot continue.

There is a large metallic object

In the way!

My treasure!

What?

My treasure!

Why, you little!

I ought to choke the living life

Out of you!

It seems heavy, full of

Something jingly.

My treasure!

I should have taken you out



Oh, yeah?

Who would have helped you trim

Your ear hairs?

Take that, you windbag.

Oh, my gosh.

Raj has been abducted by two

Escapees from an insane asylum

For the elderly!

We've got to do something.

How hard is your skull?

Hard.

I am very tired.

I am tired of all these--these

Bugs, those bickering birds, and

This very bad island, and I am

Tired of this adventure.

The chosen one has chosen!

Hoo-ha!

[Babbling]

[Babbling]

Aah!

Aah!

Raj, you're ok!

Lazlo?

You guys came to save me?

Buddy!

Oh, I knew you'd come for me.

I did not doubt it for a second.

Raj, I'm sorry I got carried

Away by the adventure.

That's ok, lazlo.

It is not always being friends

With the chosen one.

Besides, the real adventure is

The adventure of friendship.

Nor is friendship about treasure

Either.

Treasure.

That's right.

What about the treasure?

It does not really matter

About the treasure.

When you are friends, there is

No need for such--wha, ha ha!

[Buzzing]

[Grunting]

Come back here!

Come back!

I'll squash you like the bugs

You are!

Ahem.

Shah!

♪ Ay yi whoa yea ya

Who choca-loca-lo

Whoopee nai yea yo

Yi yea yo whoa ahh ya yo yea

Yippee yai whoa

Ooh choca-loca-lo

Buffalo

Bu-ffa-lo-la

Ya

Whoopee nai yea yo

Yi yea yo whoa ahh ya yo yea

Yippee yai whoa

Yi yea yo whoa ahh ya yo yea

Yippee yai whoa

Ooh choca-laca-loca ♪

[Crash]

Oh, boy.