02x07 - Chum Bucket List/Big Baby Patrick

[bunniefuu]

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

♪ ♪

This is my show!

♪ ♪

[quirky music]

- ♪ You wake up one day
and say ♪

♪ Hey world, you know me ♪

♪ What can you show me? ♪

♪ And suddenly you're smack ♪

♪ In the face of
a best friend forever ♪

♪ Together through
a never ending ♪

♪ Best moment ever ♪

♪ Now not another second
will be boring or cruddy ♪

♪ It's a lifetime of lifetimes ♪

♪ when you and your buddy ♪

♪ Can be smacked in the face ♪

♪ with the wonderful world
of friends... ship ♪

[expl*si*n]

- Patrick, the whole day
is our oyster.

We could go to the
comic book store,

the arcade, or...
[gasps]

Or volunteer
to brighten a senior's day.

- Oh, a visitor?

After all this time.

- No, SpongeBob,
there's no time for that.

[grunts]
- Oh.

- I can't brighten anything
on an empty stomach.

- Buh-bye.
Thanks for the visit.

- Let's scope out some food.
- [grunts]

- Hmm.

- The Krusty Krab
is right over...

- I don't see it. Hm.
Must have closed.

Oh, we can go
to the Chum Bucket.

- [snoring]

Huh, way?

What are you?
Tax collectors?

I got your payment right here.

- Oh, we're customers.
- Huh?

- Hmm.
I think I'll have

[inaudibly speaking
ridiculously fast]

- Uh, OK.

Karen, get the chum.
It's happening.

- Are you sure
you want to do that?

- Order up.
No refunds.

- Ah.

[grunting]

Huh?
Aha!

Ooh.

[straining]

[vacuum whirring]

[gulps]

[grunting]

[gulps]
Huh?

Wait a second.

They forgot my second order
of chum fries.

Where are my fries?

- Patrick?
- My fries!

[screaming]
- Patrick.

- [grunting]

- Patrick?
Patrick!

Hey!

They probably just forgot.
It happens.

- Yeah.
I... I was thinking that, too.

- Let's go check
the kitchen, hm?

Um, excuse me.

- [laughs maniacally]

- Plankton's poisoning the chum.

- SpongeBob, look.
Dead fishpeople.

- [shrieks]

[ominous music]

- [gasps]
- [whimpers]

- I'm simply giddy
thinking about how unclogged

this sink is gonna be.

OK, Karen, don't touch
the faucet for 15 minutes now.

And would you move
your mannequin collection

out of the kitchen?
They're just creepy.

[both screaming]

- Phew, I can't believe Plankton

was putting poison in the chum.

- We gotta warn everyone
who ate it.

- Patrick, you ate the chum.
You've been poisoned.

You gotta get to the doctor
right now before you...

- Doctor?
Blech!

That is the last thing
I want to do.

I've got way too much stuff
to experience

before I kick the bucket.
It's all on my bucket list.

Oh, where do I keep that?

Found it!

If I ever get poisoned,
I need to do all the things

I've dreamed of doing.
And look.

I've put "go to the doctor"
last.

- I think you should
go to the doctor first.

- Uh-uh.
My poison, my list.

- Oh, fine.

But let's hurry up
and finish the list

so you can see a doctor.

- Great.

Well, the good news is
we already checked off

the first three items.

Next one is "fight a robot."

- OK, Patrick.
Let's box us a bot.

To the robot fights.

- [grunts]

- Our next contender,
with his manager

SpongeBob Squarepants,
the pink punching bag.

- You ready?
- I'm the readiest!

[grunts]
Huh? Ready!

Huh? Gah!
Wait.

[grunts]
Now I'm ready.

- Versus
the Splatter Maker 5000.

- Actually, this one's
the Splatter Maker 9000.

Pulverize that punk
to a pink pulp.

- Yes, Mommy.

- [grunts]

[clanks, hisses]

- [pained grunting]

[screaming]

- Whoa, whoa, oh.

[cheers and applause]

- [grunting]

[bell dings]

- Uh, quick, Patrick,
what's next on your list?

- "Struggle to make sense."

- Hamburger time.
Ding-dong, go, boom-boom.

- Ooh, we can cross off two.

Next on your list,
scale the tallest building

in Bikini Bottom.

- [laughing]
- I got you, buddy.

Let's climb it together.
Patrick Star going up.

- [laughing] Whee.

- This high altitude
is kind of intense.

Don't you think so, Patrick?
- Yeah.

Everybody looks like ants
from up here.

- [panting]
I'm getting a real workout.

[chuckles]
- Me, too.

I'm really feeling the burn.

- [grunting]
Huh? Up, up, up, up, up.

- Chum dogs.
Get your chum dogs here.

- One, please.

- [grunting]
Got to keep climbing up.

- Ah.
[screams]

[both screaming]

- There you are.
- Oh!

Yay!
We did it, Patrick.

We climbed the tallest building
in Bikini Bottom.

- Um, if this is
the tallest building

in Bikini Bottom,
then what's that?

- Huh?

Barnacles!

[building rumbling]

- Welcome to Seaweed City.

- Now this is the tallest
building in Bikini Bottom.

Up next, win a gold medal.

- [giggling]
- Hm.

Hm.
- Ooh.

- [chuckles]
- Huh?

- Thank you.

Sing on Broadway.

[singing melody]

[both grunt]

- Huh, that gum looks familiar.
Hmm.

- "See one last
beautiful sunset."

- Oh, wow.

- You can really
smell the sulfur.

And now skydiving!

- Uh, is this safe?

- SpongeBob,
it's gonna be just fine.

[crow cawing]

- Wow, you were right.

- OK, next up is "give the
performance of a lifetime."

- Then can we go to the doctor?
- I don't know.

Let's see how much screen time
this gag takes up first.

[laughter]

[festive music]

♪ ♪

- Wow.

♪ ♪

[audience oohing and aahing]

♪ ♪

- [grunts] Ta-da!

[cheers and applause]

Thank you.
Thank you.

You have been
a lovely audience for me.

The kind I can share
devastating news with.

I had a big lunch
of pure poison earlier,

and I didn't go straight
to the doctor,

so, sadly, this is
the end of my show

and of me, but I always wanted
to tell you guys...

- Cut!
Cut, cut. Sorry.

Just one second.

You got something in your teeth.

- Huh?
How embarrassing.

- I gotcha.
- Ah.

- Is that chum?

[ominous music]

[both scream]
- Oh, no!

♪ ♪

- Wow.
Two visits in one day.

[helicopter rotor whirring]

[expl*si*n]

- [retching]

[breathing heavily]

- Patrick, do you know
what this means?

It means all the chum
got stuck in your teeth.

You didn't swallow any of it.

You're not poisoned.

[cheering]

- I'm gonna live.
I'm gonna live! I'm gonna live!

I... wait a minute.
[stomach gurgles]

I'm hungry.

That means
I didn't eat lunch today.

[slurping]

[together]
Uh-oh.

[siren wails]

Well, at least
we got to the last item

on Patrick's bucket list...
visit the doctor.

- All right, he's all better.

According to my test, the food

wasn't poisonous at all.

It was merely filled
with countless strains

of parasitical bacteria.

The cone should keep Patrick
from eating

any chum for a while.

- Phew.
Thank you so much, Doctor.

Isn't that great, Patrick?
Patrick?

- [panting]

- Fill 'er up.
- OK.

It's your funeral.
[grunting]

- Now for my bucket list.
Save Patrick's life.

Save Patrick's life.
Save Patrick's life.

Save Patrick's life.

[jolly music]

- [humming]

Time to enjoy an afternoon
of TV with a light snack.

Buttered ice cream with
extra butter and sprinkles.

- Are you sure about this, dear?

- Sure.
Patrick won't mind.

- Huh?

Where are you going
with my baby things?

- Oh, we were just
clearing out the closet

to make room for
your father's home theater.

- Romeo, Romeo,
where the heck are you?

- You're sitting on my head.

- It's getting a bit cramped.

- You're throwing out
Mr. Whiskers?

[grunts]

[panting]

Oh, my teething rock.

My battle rattle.

Hey.

Mr. Jellyface.

- Honey, this stuff
is for babies.

You're not a baby anymore.

- But if I was a baby,

could I keep it all?

- I suppose so.

- Then Patrick baby now.

Goo goo!

[babbling]

- Uh, gee,
I don't know about this.

- Don't worry,
if Patrick wants to be a baby,

we'll treat him like one
until he gets sick of it.

- Who wants pizza?

[together]
Me!

- [grunts]

- Ah.
- Ah.

- Pizza.
Aah.

- Uh-uh-uh.

Babies don't eat pizza.

Babies eat baby food.
- Hm.

- Open the hangar.
Come on.

Open up for the airplane.

- Aah.
- Perfect.

Ooh, ooh, uh-huh, uh-huh.



- Thank you
for flying with us today,

folks,
and please watch your step

when you exit the baby.

[both growling]

- Who's ready

for Rasslin' Rumble Rampage?

- Uh-uh-uh.

Babies don't get
to watch grown-up TV.

- [crying]

- Oh, somebody's cranky.

What you need is a nap,
and I know

how to put you right to sleep.

[upbeat music]

I used to take you on rides
like this all the time.

[traffic light dings]

Something about the sound
of the engine...

[trash cans thumping]

The movement of the car...

[traffic light dings]

And those gentle vibrations
put you right to sleep.

♪ ♪

[both snoring]

[loud crash]

Well, it took a while,
but he's out like a light.

- [yawns]
- Aww.

Isn't he adorable?

- [chuckles] Yes.

He's like a sleeping angelfish.

- Patrick, nap time's over.
Time for your show.

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

- [coughs]

- Quick.
Here's a prop.

♪ ♪

- Wait a second.

I get it.
He's doing a baby act.

[laughter]
- [laughs]

♪ ♪

[whimpers]
[wailing]

[laughter]

- Ugh.
Cue the cartoon.

[continues wailing]

- Captain Quasar in...

- Diapers!

[ship beeping]

[mysterious electronic music]

- Ooh, the bad guys found us.

Fire the waser beams.

- [straining]

But, Captain,
I can't weach the buttons.

- [grunts] Me, neither.

[both sob]

[together]
We're too young to die.

[both wailing]

- Your Majesty,
should we take the shot?

- I don't know.

I mean, they're just
cute little babies.

Maybe we shouldn't
blast them into oblivion.

- Now, Pat-tron.
Engage uppies.

[device humming]

- Oh, poop.

[beam whirs]

[doorbell dings]

- Now, who could that be?
- Who's ready for...

- [sobbing]
- Jellyfishing?

- Sorry, SpongeBob.

Patrick decided
to be a baby today.

- SpongeBob!
Yay!

- Uh-uh,
if you're grown-up enough

to go jellyfishing,
you don't need these anymore.

- [whimpers] No!

Baby want toys and jellyfishing.

- Sorry, SpongeBob.

You'll have to come back when
Patrick decides to grow up.

- I might be able
to help with that,

if you don't mind me doing
a little babysitting.

- Could he, please?
I really could use a break.

- OK, baby,
want to go for a walk?

- [exclaims] Walkies!

Walky, walky, walky, walky,
walky, walky, walky, walky.

- Oh, OK, oh.

[tranquil music]

[grunting]

Hm?
Oh, would you look at that.

We walked all the way
to the Goofy Goober.

Should we go inside?

- Ice cweam!
Ice cweam!

- Oh, my.

What a big, strong boy.
- He looks like he's 40.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, here comes our ice cream.

- Whoo!
- OK.

Two ice cream sundaes and...
- Ice cweam!

- Hey, didn't you see the sign?

We can't serve babies
at the Goofy Goober.

- Oh, that's right.

Babies can't have ice cream
at the Goofy Goober.

I guess we'll just have
the one sundae.

Unless someone wants to grow up.

[dramatic music]

- [whimpers]

[grunts]

- Right.

Look, just don't give
the baby any ice cream.

- [chuckles nervously]

Mmm.
Oh, this is so good.

- [grunts]

- Too bad babies
can't eat ice cream.

Patrick, stop eating my sundae.

No!

You're supposed to watch me
eat the ice cream

and want your own
so bad that you grow up

and stop being a baby!
- Baby?

Did you just give
ice cream to this baby?

- [chuckles nervously] No.

But he's not a baby, is he?
- Enough!

You broke our no baby rule.

Now you're banned from
the Goofy Goober for life.

- Banned for life?

[whimpers]

[wailing]

- Wait a minute.
Are you a baby, too?

[doorbell dings]
- Hello?

- Do these helpless babies
belong to you?

- Ga-ga.

[both scream]

- Yeah, you should be horrified,

leaving two innocent babies
unsupervised like that.

For shame.
[grunts]

- No, please.
I'm not ready to be a father.

- [wailing]
- This one isn't even...

ours.

- Uh, what's going on?

- Oh, sweetie.

Can you take him
for a minute, please?

Mama really needs a rest.

- Now SpongeBob's a baby?

Uh, I won't be able to babysit

because I'm a baby too.

[wailing]

- Well, if you can't beat 'em,
join 'em.

[grunts]

[both grunt]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ They're all babies ♪

♪ A whole family of babies ♪

♪ Well, not that one ♪

♪ He's more of a family friend ♪

♪ They're not grown-ups ♪

♪ They're definitely babies ♪

♪ And as babies ♪

♪ They can't be held accountable

♪ For their actions ♪

[together]
"Baby Stars."

- What do we pway now?

- Oh, oh, oh.
Pway famiwee.

- I'll be the daddy.

What's for dinner?
- I'll be the mommy.

Eggs and spaghettis.

- And I'll be the big, dumb
older brother.

- And I'll be the overachieving
little sister.

- And I'll be
the kitchen sponge.

[laughs]

[laughter]

I guess this means
we're all back to normal now.

- Everybody's gotta grow up
sooner or later.

- Not me.

I like to be pampered.

[wailing]

- Well, Patrick, after
everything that's happened,

I think
It's your turn to babysit.

- [sighs] Yes, Mom.

[dramatic music]

[thunder crashes]
- [wailing]