02x02 - Super Stars/Now Museum, Now You Don't

[bunniefuu]

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

♪ ♪

This is my show!

♪ ♪

- OK, everybody, we've got
a terrific show today.

Isn't that right, Sockie?

That's right, Patrick.

On today's show,
we're going to have fun.

[cheers and applause]

Awuga!

Oh, no.

That old lady across
the street is being robbed.

What?

Where?

Over there.

Ahh!

- Hand over the bag,
you old bag.

[grunting]

[laughing]

- Oh, no.

That sweet old lady
is in trouble.

Sorry, folks.

Show's over.

All: Aww.

- [grunting]

This looks like a job for...

[stomach gurgling]
Hmm.

Ooh.
- Ow!

[toilet flushing]

Super Patrick.

[grunts]

- [gasping]

- [laughs]

[laughs]

[growls]

- Drop the bag
right now, hooligan.

- I don't think so, pal.

- OK.

Suit yourself.

- What are you...

- [groaning]

- Fear not, very old lady.

You're safe from harm now.

Up, down, and away.

- Thanks, Super Patrick.

For nothing.

- Bet you didn't know
I was a superhero, huh?

Well, I'm not the only one.

Right, Super Squidina?

- Yep.

And I'm not the only other one.

As you'll see
in our snazzy intro.

- It was an ordinary day
in Bikini Bottom,

until a barrel of toxic
waste plunged into the ocean

irradiating the Star
family and turning them

into super-powered Super Stars.

- Whoo.

- Woop.

[all grunting]

- Super Patrick
with the power of stupid.

- Actually, I have
super belly button.

- Super Squidina, with the
power of incredible ink.

- Hey!

- Super GrandPat,
with the power of power naps.

- [yawns]

[snores]

- Super Cecil,
with the power of dad.

- [scatting]

- b*mb burger's up.

- And Super Bunny,
with the power of heart.

- La!

Whatever that means.

All: Superstars.

[regal music]

- Hmm, secretary, get me
Super Patrick on the line.

- Right away, Mr. President.

- [gurgling]

- [clears throat]

- Oh, hey, Prez.

- Super Patrick, I appreciate
your taking my call.

This is very important.

I...

- [gurgling]

- Oh.

Super Patrick?

- Don't worry.

I'm listening.

- OK.

Well, the short of it is,
crime is up,

and me poll numbers are down.

I'm asking you and your
entire super family

to go out on the
streets of Bikini Bottom

and perform as many
good deeds as possible.

Can I count on the Superstars?

- [belching]

- Oh boy.

- [belching]

Hang on.

Let me ask them.

Hey, what do you say, fam?

Want to help the president
and do some good?

All: Yeah.

- We won't let you down, Prez.

- Young lady, would you
help me cross the street?

- You betcha.

- Whoa.

- [grunting]

- [grunting]

Young lady, would you take
me to the emergency room?

- Hey, this machine
stole my dollar.

- Step aside, citizen.

I'll teach this thieving robot

that crime doesn't pay.

Hoo!

You're in
the jailhouse now, evil robot.

[loud expl*si*n]

- Meow.

Meow. Meow.

- Oh, come her,
sweet little baby.

You're all safe now.

- We'll make sure this
never happens again.

Ya!

- Dagnabbit.

Can't a fellow power
nap for five minutes

without you kids causing
a bunch of hullabaloo?

- Sorry, Pops.

- Uh, Dad, what's insurance?

And do we have it?

And does it cover fire
on everything?

- Um...

- Hey, what's that?

- It looks like a giant doily.

[together]
Huh?

All: Whoa!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [cackling]

Welcome to my humble abode.

Oh, how I hate you Superstars.

Now I'm going to put an end
to you once and for all.

Care to join me
for a spot of tea?

Or I could knit you
a scarf if you're cold.

Hungry?

How about a bite?

Or perhaps you'd just
prefer a nap on the couch.

Oh, don't worry,
you won't be underfoot.

[cackling]

- [snoring]

- Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Both: Ohh!

- What the?

Stop it.

Stop.
Huh?

Huh?

- Now's our chance.

- [grunting]

Ha-ha!

- Come on, kiddos.

Time to skedaddle.

[loud expl*si*n]

- [snoring]

- Great work, everybody.

Now let's get out of here
before that villain...

[gasping]

- [grunting]

You rotten Stars.

All: Granny Tentacles?

- Oh, Granny Tentacles.

[snoring]

- I've always hated your family.

Such awful neighbors.

And even worse superheroes.

So I made this suit
to force you into

an early retirement.

While I'd love to stay
and chat, I'm late for bingo.

[cackling]

- After her.

- Persistent little
whippersnappers.

Take this.

I'll handle this.

[together]
Whoa!

- Howdy, neighbor.

Would you like a cookie?

They're made with heart.

- Stop right there, villain.

Your reign of terror has...

[munching]

[mumbling]

- [sighs]

What?

- Up, down, and away!

Ahh!

Ooh.

Oh, perfect.

- Good thinking, son.

Let's drive a wedge into
Granny Tentacle's schemes.

[laughter]

Fore.

- Yahoo!

Hey, Granny.

- Huh?

- Going to hit you with a boat.

- What's that?

[loud expl*si*n]

- The day is saved.

[crowd jeering]

- That was terrible.

- Boo.

- We hate you, Superstars.

You make everything worse.

- Yeah.

You traumatized this poor kid.

- Hi.

- And you stole
my purse that I stole.

- He stole it fair and square.

- But... but we're the heroes.

President Krabs
hired us to protect the city.

- [gasps]

Um, no.

I didn't hire...

I mean, uh...

I'm-a someone-a else-a.

Not-a President-a Krabs-a.

Go, go, go, go.

- But we're the good guys.

- No, you ninny.

The citizens
wanted me to stop you.

I'm the good guy.

[cheers and applause]

See?

- Since she's the good guy, why
don't we just be the bad guys?

- Oh, yeah.

We're evil now.

All: Evil goatees.

- What the?

- All right.

Time for some villainy.

[grunting]

But first, let's get
rid of this pesky hero.

Evil ink web.

Now let's wreak some havoc.

- As a family.

[laughter and explosions]

- Let's go.

- Try jiggling the antenna.

- [humming]

[all munching]

I've got a special
stack for someone

who got a special job as an
art museum security guard.

- Wow.

It looks exactly like me.

Thanks, hon.
- Mwah!

I am so proud of you.

- Oh, what's the big deal?

It's his fifth job this week.

- Can't I make you
proud just once, Dad?

- Son, I'm never proud of you.

But at least I'm consistent.

Mwah!

- Oh, Dad.

[bell tolling]

Holy smokes.

I'm going to be late
for my first day.

[grunting]

- See you in the morning, hon.

- Good night, honey.
- Snoring

[regal music]

- Welcome to your
first night, Mr. Star.

Your duty is to guard
the Upton collection

of priceless artwork.

And make sure
no ill will comes to it.

You have no idea
what unspeakable atrocities

my family had to perpetrate...

uh, I mean, endure...
to obtain this collection.

The horror.

The bloodshed.

The... hmm?

- This security guard
flashlight sure is nifty.

- And don't touch the art.

Make sure all the artwork
stays in its proper place.

Such as this one.

Finally, and most importantly,

do not let anyone in.

- All right, everyone.

You heard the lady.

- Whoa!

- Scram.

Get out of here.

No one allowed in the museum.

- After closing, you nincompoop.

I am offended.

- Huh?

Dad left the most important
part of his job uniform

at home,
his official security briefs.

I can't imagine the
t*rture he's going through.

- [teeth chattering]

- I'm coming, Dad.

- Patrick, it's cold
out this time of night.

If you're going to go
all the way to see your dad,

make sure you wear your sweater.

Not to mention your face warmer.

And here's a bag to store
your father's underwear.

There.

Now you're safe
to go out at night.

Oh, remember, what's a nice,
positive thing to say

to everyone you meet tonight?

- Reach for the sky.

Thanks, Mom.

Gotta run.

- Hmm.

Oh. Oh, no.

My first night on the job,
and some vandal graffito

tagged this painting.

[grunting]

Ha.

There.
That's better.

Hmm.

You got a little schmutz
on your everything.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Hey, no food allowed
in the museum.

[spitting]

Whoo!

An art thief.

Hey, buddy, no one
allowed in the museum.

You better not be
stealing stuff.

Ah, so you won't talk, eh?

Strong, silent type.

Ooh.

I don't like that
stone-cold look

on your chiseled features.

If you're not going
to comply, sir,

then I'll take you by force.

Yah! Ah-hoo! Ha!

[grunting]

[panting]

Give up yet?

[grunts]
Uh-oh.

[groaning]

[mumbling]

[grunts]

[panting]

And stay out.

- [sobbing]

Finally.

I'm free.
I'm free!

I'm free!

[tires screeching]

- Wow.
Thanks for the super-fast ride

and the free watches
and wallets.

You guys are so nice.

- Floor it!

- Keep reaching for the sky.

- Hey, kid,
could you lend me a hand?

Or a whole body?

- No can do, Mr. Severed Head.

I gotta get my dad
his lost underwear.

- Cripes.
That's important.

Go, go, go.

- On it.

[grunting]

Oh, barnacles.

- Same thing happened to me.

- Dang it.

Hmm.

Maybe there's something around
here to help me break in.

Ooh. Ooh.

I can throw this rock.

Ha.

Even better, a key.

[glass shattering]

Thanks, key.

[alarm blaring]

Oh, boy.

I must've won a prize.

Oh, I'd better get
Daddy's underwear

before the media shows up.

- [scatting]

[alarms blaring]
Huh?

Someone must have won a prize.

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

Hey.

[grunting]

- Hello?

Hello?

Gee, where could he be?

- Congratulations.

- [gasps]
What's that horrible voice?

It better not be after
my dad's underwear.

- Come claim your prize.

- [gasping]

Oh!

- [grunting]

- Oh!

- [moaning]

- G... g... ghost.

- B... b... b... burglar.

- [yelling]

Ooh! Ahh!

- [panting]

- Hey, pal, are you
going to order something

or just sit there?

- Aha!

- [yelling]

- Cheapskate.

- [panting]

Come and get me, Mr. Ghost.

- [yelling]

- [chomping]

[gasping]

- Heh-heh.
- Ohh.

[picture rattling]

Oh, excuse me, miss.

- Aha!

Huh?

[grunting]

Now I got you.

[grunting]

- [sighing]

- [grunting]

- Bleh.

I'm tired of running and hiding.

I gotta defeat this
ghost once and for all.

[grunting]

[breathing heavy]

Yah! Phew.

This high-tech ghost trap
ought to do the trick.

- Burglar.

I know you're near.

- Yes, I am.

And I have every ghost's
favorite treat, underwear.

- Aha.

No escaping this time.

Oh!

[grunting]

Eh-ahh! Ow!

Ugh! Ahh! Ahh! Oh!

[grunts]

Is that all you got, burglar?

Put 'em up.
Put 'em up.

- [whinnying]

- [grunts]

[mumbling]

[yelling]

Ugh!

- Ghost.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Your reign of terror ends now.

[yelling]

- [grunts]

- Get thee back
to the great beyond.

- Darn burglar.

You won't get these
priceless paintings.

- You won't get this underwear.

[both grunting]

[both gasping]

- Wait.

Son?

- Dad?

I didn't know you died
and became a ghost.

- No, son.

I'm very much still alive.

See?

- Hooray for living.

- Say, why did you
come to the museum

in the middle of the night?

You're not turning
to a life of crime, are you?

- Not yet, Dad.

I came here to give you these.

- My security briefs.

No wonder I felt
so drafty down there.

Thanks, son.

How's about we go home and
have some morning dinner?

- Oh!
I love morning...

- ♪ Morning ♪

Hope you had a
wonderful first night.

- [whinnying]

- What happened here?

- Uh.

- It was all him.

- [growls]

Somehow the both of
you are going to replace

all of this artwork.

[both gulp]

[regal music]

- As you'll see,
the collection continues

to be in pristine condition.

[together]
Ooh.

- Step lively now.
Come-come.

- [chomping]

[indistinct chatter]

- [whistling]

[indistinct chatter]

How are you doing up there, Dad?

- Just fine, son.

Thank goodness you
brought me my underwear.