02x33 - Vampire Me Love/The Tad Tucker Workout

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-[THUNDER BREAKS]
-[SCREAMS]

[STUTTERS] There sure are
a lot of the dark and stormy
nights here in Transylvania.

But, as we say
in the blood bank business,

just 'cause there's
a lot O-negative,

doesn't mean
you can't B-positive.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

A customer... At this hour?

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Good evening.
I'm in search of blood.

Well, you've come
to the right place.
Please step on in.

Good! I could really
use a drink.

You're not supposed
to drink the blood.

You're supposed to donate it.

Relax, I'm a vampire.

Drinking blood is what I do.

[STAMMERS]

Vampire.

[SCREAMS] Vampire!

Did someone say "Vampire"?

[GRUNTS]

Daffy van Duckling.
Greatest vampire hunter
in the world,

has vanquished the vampire.

But I'm not a vampire.

I know a vampire
when I see one.

Just look at your pale skin,
those blood-sucking incisors,
that curly tail!

You are so a vampire.

Would you mind
getting the door?

You got it, chump!

Have a lovely evening,
my good sir.

Now back to Dracula.

I'm not the vampire.

Vampires don't show
their reflection.

Sorry to bother you.
I dropped one.

You know,
I think that was the vampire.

That's what I was
trying to tell you.

Fear not, pedestrian!
Daffy van Duckling is here.

So, what's the plan?

You get in the coffin.

When the vampire climbs in,
grab him.

What? Why don't you
get in the coffin?

You're the vampire hunter.

No time for discussion.
The plan's in motion.

[DRILLING]

- He might...
-[BABBLING]

-[KNOCK AT DOOR]
- Isn't that how it always is?

Right when you sit down
to a meal.

I represent the
Super Deluxe Coffin Company,

making super deluxe coffins
since 1959.

Have you ever had
a bad night's sleep?

Well, multiply that
by eternity!

I'm listening.

Let me introduce you
to the Sarcophagus 3000,

the most
state-of-the-art casket
on the market today.

Ooh!

This beaut's got everything.

Hot tub, flat-screen TV,
not to mention, free Wi-Fi.

That's nice.

Even dead people
got to stay connected.

Exactly!
Go ahead, give it a spin.

[GIGGLING]

Oh, yes, this is nice.
It's so soft.

This would be like
sleeping on a pile of puppies.

Wow! That sounds
too good to be true.

- Let me try it out.
I was here first.
-[PORKY GROANS]

Wow!
This is really comfortable.

A duck could get used
to this kind of...

Gotcha! Ha!

Toodle-doo Nosfera..
[STUTTERS] Nosfera...
[STUTTERS]

...vampire!

[DAFFY SHRIEKS]

Wow, that plan
actually worked?

And right now
we just need to grab...

[EXCLAIMS]

I'm gonna check on my friend.

[STAMMERING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Now that I've gotten rid
of those numbskulls,
I can get back to my meal.

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANING]

I got the blood.
Let's find another way
out of here.

-[KNOCK AT DOOR]
- Oh, good!

What are you doing?
That's the vampire!

VAMPIRE: No, it isn't.
It's Joe, from
Transylvania Gas Company.

Now's not a good time, Joe.

I thought maybe,
you were the pizza guy.

You ordered a pizza?

Vampire hunting
has made me peckish.

Oh, sorry about that.
Clearly not a good time.

I'll come back later, okay?

[FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY]

Oh, hey, pizza guy!
That pizza sure
smells fantastic!

Sure is, Joe from
Transylvania Gas Company.

I have this
delicious pizza pie

for the two mortals
in this lovely castle.

- Oh, good! My pizza's here!
- Daffy! [STAMMERS]
That's the...

Vampire!

You have to work a second job?

No, it was a ruse.
I was trying to...

Oh, forget it.
I'm going to suck your blood!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Oh, good! Sunlight.
He can't get us or he'll burn.

Ha! You'll never get us now,
you goblin!

You succubus!

You glorified lamprey!

Ha! I've seen mosquitoes
tougher than you.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

You know, mosquitoes nowadays
are pretty tough.

They'll bite your head off.

And so will I!

Hello. The door was open.

I've got a pizza delivery here
for a Diffy von Dorkling?

- I'm right over here.
- What is happening?

Are you gonna deny us
a last meal?

I suppose it's only fair.

Yuck! It has garlic on it.

- Garlic? Give me that!
- Hey!

[GULPS]

[GASPS]

[CROAKS]

I feel the same way
about garlic.

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] You!

You're not getting rid of me
that easy!

[YELLING] Turn me back!

Sometimes, it takes a bat
to get rid of a bat.

I did it! Daffy van Duckling
vanquished the vampire.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Let's see if this can
also get rid of ducks.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Morning! And welcome to
Tad Tucker's five-and-a-half
minute workout.

The only workout program
that uses natures
natural gymnasium

to get your body
in rock-solid shape.

Now, before you start
your total body work over,

it's important
that you get proper nutrition.

For example, this morning
I ate an entire
family of rabbit.

So delicious.

Nothing gets you juice
like eating rabbit.

But if you don't
have time to catch
an entire family of rabbits,

you can buy one
of Tad Tucker's energy bars.

There's an entire family
of rabbits in every one.

Now, let's get started.

I'm gonna push you
harder than you've
ever been pushed before.

-[HORN HONKS]
-[CRASHES]

- My car!
-[CAR ALARM BLARING]

Oh, I'm gonna push
Tad Tucker all right.

- Push him real good.
-[CAR ALARM CHRIPS]

What in the platypus?
My camera's been
knocked over.

And someone's put
a scarecrow made of
muddy leaves in the car

and set off the alarm.

No matter,
it's not gonna stop me

from helping you get into
the best shape of your life.

The first thing
I want you to do

is something I call
"chasing the wombat".

[PANTING] Yeah.

Start by running in place.

You wanna grab that wombat.

Grab that wombat.

One, two...

Three. [EXCLAIMS]

[GROANS]

[GROANING] Stand by, folks.

All right,

well, obviously, I forgot
lesson number one.

Don't leave anything lying
around your workout area.

Especially rabbit traps.

Now let's move on to
our next exercise

which I call,
"Punching the dingo".

This is for your
triceps and biceps.

Punch the dingo. Come on.

Punch him like you mean it.

That dingo took
your girlfriend.

Now he's on your left.

-[BUZZING]
-[SCREAMS]

[MUFFLED] That's the fun part
of working out in nature.

You never know when
you're going to get
some extra cardio.

Oh, there we go.

Now, this next
exercise is called
"the squatting kangaroo".

Imagine you're
a kangaroo squatting
in the Outback.

I want you to squat and jump.

Squat and jump.

Really explode
through your gluteus.

Now, give me five good jumps.
Squat and...

Jump!

[SCREAMING]

Well, I've been pricked
and stung and caught
in my own rabbit traps.

No pain, no six-pack abs.

Now, all you need
for this next exercise

is a resistance band
and a tree stump.

Attach the band to the stump

and push away to flex those
pecks and deltoid muscles.

[STRAINING]

TAD: I can feel my muscles
getting rock hard.

Oh, yeah.

I better be careful,

otherwise my perfect physique
is gonna go straight to my...

[SCREAMS]

That went straight
to his head, all right.

[CHUCKLES] Okay,
lesson learned.

That band must've gotten
caught on a rock.

So, I just swung the band
over this branch

and it's time to work on our
lower trapezius muscles.

Must get ripped!

[GROANS]

Okay, forget that
resistance band.

I'm gonna use nature.

This is a more
challenging exercise anyway.

For this one, you need
five medium-sized boulders
and a hill.

You have to push
all of these boulders
to the top of the hill

as quickly as you can.

Remember,
no Sisyphus-ing around.

Ready? Go.

[STRAINS]

Okay, that's one.

Now, let's keep up the pace.

That's one down, four to go.

Remember, try not to focus
on how many are left...

[SQUEALS]

[GROANS] I got wedged
between those two boulders.

No big deal.
Try to man up and...

[SCREAMS]

What the... I gotta
get out of here.

It's coming back! [GROANS]

[GROANS]

Thank goodness,
I can rest for a second.

[GROANS]

[IMITATING TAD]
Remember folks,
eat a family of rabbits.

[LAUGHS] All right,
we've come to my favorite part
of the workout...

The obstacle course.

Let me show you how to do it.

All you have to do is hop
through these rope squares,

climb this rope,

shimmy across here,

monkey bar over to this tree,

do three inverted sit-ups,

one, two, three,

do your best
Tarzan impression,

[MIMICS TARZAN YELL]

And then, just run back
to the beginning

and do it all over again.

Now that you
got the hang of it,

let's do it together.

Okay, first the rope squares.

[GRUNTING]

-[SNIFFING]
- Climb the rope.

Shimmy across here.

[ROARS]

Monkey bars!

That was close.

Everybody knows
that bears don't have
the upper body strength...

[SCREAMS]

[GROANS]

[SCREAMING]

[BEAR GROWLS]

[TAD SCREAMING]

Push, baby!

[GROANS]

[GRUNTS] Oi!

[TAD EXCLAIMING]

[SLURRING] You see...
As promised, my body got
totally worked out.

[GROANS]

[GROWLS]

Tad was right about one thing,

workin' out can be a real
grizzly experience.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]