02x22 - Abracawabbit/Ponce de Calzone

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

What an amazing day,
the sun is shining,
the birds are chirping,

that adorable rabbit
is getting sawed in...

[GASPS] Huh?

You can't hurt my friend here.

And you three, you're filming?
What is this?

Why, this is a magic show.

And I am the greatest
magician in the world.

Viktor Mageek.

Ah, presto! Change-o.
Your minds have been blown.
You're welcome.

ALL: Oh, Viktor.
You're amazing!

Well, I don't care
what kind of a magician
you are.

We're getting out of here.

- Chicken vindaloo.
- What the...

Keep your magic
to yourself, buddy.

San Fernando Valley!

How about this? If I
volunteer
to be your assistant,

- will you let the bunny go?
- Hmm. All right.

Tell you what.
If you can survive
one show with me,

- I'll let the little bunny
go.
- It's a deal.

VIKTOR: Deal.

Mr. Bunny, pick a card,
any card.

Okay, now take a look-see.

Now, you put your card
back in the deck.

Now, I shouffles the deck.

- Say, I think you have
something in your teeth.
- What?

Viktor Mageek!

ALL: Oh, Viktor.
You're the greatest.

Please, Viktor isn't done.

What's up that rabbit's nose?
One soggy queen of hearts.

And is that
a king in your ear?

And a jack in your tail?

[LAUGHS] Oh, and look,
an ace in your pants.

Rabbits don't even
wear pants, genius.

Or do they? Look down.

- What the...
- Viktor Mageek!

-[PANTS POP]
- So magical. Ohhh!

Wow, doc.
That's great. My turn.
Pick a card. Any card.

Now, put it back in the deck.
Then I "shouffles" the deck.

All right, is it
this one here?
The ace of spades?

- No.
- How about the two of clubs?

Not even close.

- Five of hockey stick?
- Nope.

I'm embarrassed for you.
Try again.

- BUGS: How about the
king of pile drivers?
-[VIKTOR EXCLAIMS]

That was it.

Go to a commercial.

For my next trick,
my assistant will
get into this box.

But Viktor,
you're the star here.

Shouldn't you
get in the box first?

I mean, all the magic happens
on the inside of the box.

I never
thought of it that way.

And now, my assistant
will close the lid.

- Okay, what do I do now?
- Stick the sword
through the box.

Are you sure
you don't want to tell me
how the trick works first?

VIKTOR: A magician never
reveals his secrets.

Okay.

[VIKTOR EXCLAIMING IN PAIN]

Viktor, are you okay in there?

VIKTOR: Call an ambulance!

Okay, I changed my mind.
I'm going to reveal my
secret.

For this next trick,
take this food
and hide it in the box.

- Got it?
- Got it.

For my next
death-defying feat,

I will be sealed
in this glass box,

while my assistant
buries me alive

without food or water
for 10 days!

My only contact
with the outside world

will be through this
primitive breathing tube.

Now I must go
to the cold, deadly earth.

But first, I must
instruct my assistant to
never release me,

no matter how scared I am
or how loud I beg.

Lower [TAKES DEEP BREATH]
the box!

Viktor Mageek.

- Are you okay?
- VIKTOR: I am fine
but I can't find the food.

Oh right, I have the food.
It's right up here. Whoops.

Whoops? I'm buried
under 10 feet of dirt

and all you can say
is, "Whoops"?

Relax, boss.
I'll just pass the food down
through this breathing tube.

[GRUNTS] I think I clogged
the breathing tube.

What?
I didn't get that last
bit.

I'm starting to feel faint.

I'm sending down
some rats to eat
through the clog.

- What? Where's the food?
-[RATS CHITTERING]

[ELECTRICITY FIZZLES]

- VIKTOR: Pickled herring!
- Doesn't seem like the rats
are coming up this end.

I'm sending some snakes in
to clear out the rats.

-[VIKTOR SCREAMS]
- Probably not safe

to have so many
poisonous snakes down there.

Hang tight. I'm sending down
a honey badger.

The... What? [SHRIEKS]

Okay, I'm gonna send down
a lion to flush out
the honey badger.

No, no, no. Ouch.
Please don't send down...
A lion!

-[LION ROARING]
-[VIKTOR SCREAMING]

[GRUMBLES] Rabbit!

- Do you mind?
- Sorry.

Oh! Huh?

Hmm. Ooh!

The bunny gave me
the pinchies.

- Oof! [YELLING]
- Ta-da!

ALL: Yay, Bugs!
You're so magical!

[VIKTOR GROANING]

Put me back together!

Not until
you let my little friend
go.

Deal. Walla Walla.

Okay, kid.
Let's put Humpty Dumpty
back together again.

Magic words
and finger twiddles,

fix fancy boy
before he piddles.

Abracawabbit!

It took you long enough.
Now, step aside.
I have a show to do.

VIKTOR: Hey!
My kit is over my caboodle!

I said I'd put him
back together
but I didn't say how.

[IMITATING VIKTOR]
Bugso Mageek!

[GRUNTS]
I am Ponce de Calzone.

The greatest explorer
of all time.

I will find
the Fountain of Youth

and be young forever!

I know it is
around here somewhere.

Perhaps, behind these reeds.

- A-ha!
-[MONKEY SHRIEKING]

[EXCLAIMS]

That is the problem
with being an explorer,

I have no idea
where I'm going. I give up.

[GASPS] Could it be?

[WHISTLING SLOWLY]

[WHISTLING RAPIDLY]

The Fountain of Youth!

Hello, duck.
A moment ago, you were old.

- Now, you are medium-aged.
- Medium-aged?

I just saw you go
into that fountain old
and come out young.

Thanks to you,
I have just discovered
the Fountain of Youth.

Fountain of Youth?
[LAUGHS] Oh, you must've
seen Lucius.

Hey, Lucius.
Come over here.

This old pith helmet thought
you and I were
the same person.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[GRUMBLES]
Stop laughing at me, you...

[YELLS]

- See you later, Lucius.
-[GROWLING]

Sheesh, pal. Take it easy.

If it's that
big of a deal to you,

I can take you
to the Fountain of Youth.

- You can?
- Sure, chum. Follow me.

Now, remember,
the forest is fraught
with danger.

Danger? I laugh at danger.
Ha-ha! I eat danger
for breakfast.

In fact, this morning
I had two scrambled dangers,

a side of crispy danger
and a bottomless cup
of danger.

The waitress tried
to bring me decaf

but I told her, "No, no, no.
I only drink regular danger."

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The fountain is that-a-way.

- Oh, youth. Here I come!
-[SQUELCHING]

Quicksand?

Duck, what do I do?

Oh, man. You're, like,
way in there, buddy.

I think when
you're stuck in quicksand,

you're supposed to struggle
and move as much as you can.

- So, run real fast.
-[PANTING]

Stop, stop, stop.
What was I thinking?

You're not
supposed to struggle.

You're supposed to
not move at all.

- But I'm still sinking.
- Huh.

- Did you try struggling?
- Yes, just a second ago.

- Did it work?
- No.

Well, I'm out of ideas.

Get me out of here!

- Wait, I've got something.
- Okay, but hurry.

- Here, grab this rope.
- Salvation! [GRUNTS]

Huh?
That isn't a rope, you fool.
That was a snake!

Sorry, everyone's human.

- Well, I'm not. I'm a duck.
- Get me out of here!

All right, this should
do the trick.

This is just a bigger snake.

[EXCLAIMING]

No more snakes, okay?

Come on, pal.
I'm doing my best. Try this.

[SHUDDERS]

Well, at least this one
does not have
a face or scales.

[GRUNTS]

-[LION ROARS]
-[PONCE SCREAMING]

Nina! Pinta! Santa Maria!

Huh? Who would've guessed?
You use a mountain lion
to get out of quicksand.

Now, how do you
get out of a mountain lion?

I hate you.

Now, I think it's
around here somewhere.

Maybe over there
by that shiny puddle?

Puddle? Out of the way, duck.

Look at the shimmering water!
So shiny, so chrome.

This must be
the Fountain of Youth.

[SLURPING]
I feel so much stronger.

Uh, you know you're drinking
garbage water, right?

[GAGS]

Don't worry, pal.
I'll give you something to
get
that taste out of your mouth.

- Try this peach.
-[CHOMPING]

-[GAGS] It is rotten!
- Take a swig of this milk.

[GAGS]

It is sour and chunky.

Try the chow mein.

- It is moving in my mouth.
- Woopsie.

Those are mealworms
for my pet iguana.

[GAGGING]

Are you okay, buddy?

[PONCE VOMITING]

All right, buddy.
I'm pretty sure
this is the Fountain of
Youth.

Just get in the water.

Now, just relax
and let the water
wash over you.

Ah, yes, this feels nice.

I can feel myself
slowly becoming... [GRUNTS]

Whoa! Argh! [EXCLAIMS]

[COUGHING]

- Ahhh!
- Don't worry,
I'll throw you a rope.

Oh, no. I am not
falling for that again.
It will be a snake.

Do not throw me a rope.

- How about I
throw you a snake then?
- Fine, anything but a rope.

Wait, what?

No! [STRAINING]

[METAL CLANGS]

Yeah, so, my bad.
That was definitely not
the Fountain of Youth.

You win, duck. I give up.

Gee, pal.
Don't be so dramatic.

The fountain's
right over there.

[WHISTLING]

[SLURPS] Whoo!
That's some good youth water.

[EXCLAIMS]

The Fountain of Youth!

Yes, I have found it!
[GULPING]

Not too much now,
that's powerful stuff.

Cal?

I have done it!
I will be young forever.

Ooh!

I got a... Boo-boo.

Oh, you're okay, buddy.
Uh, shake it off.

Who's a big boy, huh?

[WAILING]

For a world class explorer,
he sure is a baby.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]