03x02 - Invisible Sociopath

[bunniefuu]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Something's wrong with that kid ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ His head don't work it never did ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ You better not cross his path ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ He's a chain smokin'
alcoholic sociopath ♪

♪ Sociopath ♪

[laughs]

[melodic music]

Well look who came
crawling home for Christmas.

How's it goin', tubby?

Guess you needed your
stocking stuffed, eh baby?

Percy, while I was
stayin' at my sister's

I thought about a lot of things.

Like how liquor and drugs
have ruined our lives.

So I've gathered together everyone we know

so's we's can have an intervention.

sh*t, not again.

I mean, you're right ma,
I've been wastin' my life.

Let's go in the living room
and let the healing begin.

Where's Percy, didn't he come in?

[car tires screech]

Daddy, the man ran over Jesus!

You don't get outta
my way you'll be spending

Christmas with him, ya little prick.

You're gonna pay for those
decorations you fat b*stard!

Like to see ya make me!

[howls]

Narrator: It was the same
routine, every couple of years.

Mom went to her sister's, and sobered up.

Then mom came home and
forced Percy to dry out, too.

Usually it never lasted, so
Kevin didn't particularly care.

[electricity]

Hey boy, seeing as I'm sober
now and I'm supposed to give

a sh*t what happens to ya,
why don't you go to school?

Narrator: Kevin told Percy
it was Christmas holidays.

Oh well isn't that
convenient, broken head.

Then go clean off daddy's car
so's he ain't stranded here

with you and your old lady.

[glass shatters]

[somber music]

Hey scary Spencer.

Do you know what your parents
are getting you for Christmas?

Narrator: Kevin told
the kid that the only thing

they got was on his nerves
and that if he didn't want

to be pulling a salty boot
out of his a*s, he'd stop

doing the same thing right quick.

Well, I guess I'll go
hang out with my friends.

That's because I have friends, Spencer.

Too bad you can't say the same.

Narrator: Kevin said
he had plenty of friends

and that they were all
hiding in his garden shed.

[grunts]

Yeah, right.

Just like your imaginary duck friend.

[intense music]

[screams]

Narrator: It was Pete Wilcox and Bo.

They both escaped from
prison and they were laying

low in Kevin's garden shed,
until they could find a room.

Let me tell you something
about friendship, punk.

When you're a cross
dressing heroine addict,

and a legless junkie on
a skateboard, you can use

all the friends you can get.

Besides that, Kevin is God.

Do you understand, the Messiah.

And they're never taking me
back to that asylum, either.

[screams]

No need to thank us, Kevin.

We could hear that kid
giving you the business.

Narrator: Kevin told the
guys to haul their crazy

freak asses back into the
shed before they brought

the heat down on them.

News Reporter: Man
kills man with a weapon,

details at 11.

[upbeat music]

It says here part of our
recovery involves apologizing

to everyone we've wronged while
we was under the influence.

Okay that means we gotta
go to the Police station,

the pet store, the liquor
store, the UIC, the UIC

complaints window, the UIC
security desk, and the cemetery.

Hey, and don't forget about the boy.

Fine, I'll start with him.

Put a pot of coffee on.

[upbeat music]

Hey lunatic, get over here.

I gotta apologize for all the
bad things I done as a father.

[lighter flicks]

Sorry about picking on you all the time.

And I'm sorry I stole all your stuff.

And I'm sorry I let your mom drink

all through your pregnancy.

I dropped you a few times,
too, when you were a baby.

Once on a bet.

Sorry about all that.

Sorry about the time I come
to your school and embarrass

you with my hookers on
the baseball diamond.

And that other time, that
thing with the umbrella.

Well that was way out in left field.

Someone should have called me on that one.

I think that's it.

Oh, and you know that guy
from the Quebec mafia who put

a price on the head of
whoever screwed his wife?

Well I told him it was you's
so's I could get the reward.

Narrator: Kevin asked Percy
why he'd sell out his own

blood with a bull sh*t lie like that.

Guy gave me a thousand bucks.

Besides, what are ya
pissin' and moanin' about?

I didn't have to tell ya.

And now I have enough money
to make my dreams come true.

Narrator: Kevin noticed
that being clean and sober

hadn't necessarily cured
Percy of being stupid.

Anyone lazy enough not to
put on pants when it was


wasting too much of a life

by drinking, anyway.

Percy I'm tired of you
walkin' around the houses naked.

First ya took my liquor, now this?

It's my god damn house, I'll
walk around naked if I want to.

Yeah, well you're not the one

who's gotta clean the upholstery.

Well why don't you show the
whole f*ck' neighborhood?

How do you know it wasn't the stupid boy?

Oh, it's you, all right.

Why do you think the neighbors
is always complainin'

when you make snow angels?

[melodic music]

[door slams]

Listen kid, it sounds
like you're in deep trouble.

The Quebec mafia is all ex bikers.

You'll have to go on the run with us.

Narrator: Kevin said even
he knew there was no way

to hide from the mafia.

Don't worry, I have a photo album

full of forged identities.

It took me a few years to do, but I'm sure

we can find you a match.

Narrator: Kevin asked Bo how

he had so many phony id's.

First, I check all the
obituaries and find someone

born in another town.

I send away for a new
birth certificate under

the dead guy's name.

With the bank account,
get new credit cards,

and from there, just keep adding.

Narrator: Kevin really
liked the id belonging

to a guy named Renaldo Sanchez.

They looked a bit similar,
and Bo said the real

Renaldo Sanchez had died
in a vicious beating,

which is the way Kevin
wanted to go in real life.

One last thing.

[laughs]

If we really want to throw
the mafia off your trail,

we have to fake your suicide.

[car motor rumbles]

Hurry up and put on
your disguise, Messiah.

The cops will be here any minute.

[dramatic music]

[Police sirens]

You the guys who, uh,
phoned in the suicide?

That's right Constable.

Saw it as clear as day.

Kevin Spencer.

I think I busted that kid once.

Oh well, um, no great loss.

Better phone it in.

It worked kid.

Kevin Spencer is dead.

Long live Renaldo Sanchez.

[Police sirens]

[propellers roaring]

[dance music]

Jimmy I wanna buy that pay
tv descrambler box off ya.

Now I'm sober it turns out
I can get it up, again.

Thought I'd throw one into the wife

a few times over Christmas.

Boy, I'd sure k*ll for a drink though, eh?

You don't sell liquor here, do ya?

No.

Yeah well I'm sober now
so it doesn't matter, right?

Here's the box.

Not even those little airline bottles?

Eighty bucks.

Okay, I got it.

You're in for a treat,
Nudelympics is on this month.

And they give the javelin
throw a whole new meaning.

Eh, I hope you're not paying
with a check 'cause...

Cash up front ya earth hole.

Whoa, that's quite a wad!

Jeez, I was gonna offer you a sweet chance

at some money but seeing
as you're all set...

What money?

Uh, well, I got a
friend who's got a problem

with his cash flow.

He's looking for an eager
guy with a cigarette lighter

to help him screw the insurance company.

I can do that.

Remember Sambuka Night at the legion?

[dance music]

I think I'm gonna vomi...

[expl*si*n]

[screams]

I remember that!

I think they built a skateboard park

in the crater you left.

Here's my buddy's address.

I'll call him and tell him to expect you.

I'm there.

Narrator: To make
his new identity work,

Kevin figured he better get a job.

Since if the cops caught him stealing,

they'd sell his a*s out to the mob.

Which would really ruin Christmas.

Because he still figured
jobs were for a*s holes,

he got the laziest sh*t job on earth.

Cashier at a self serve gas station.

Work wasn't as bad as
Kevin thought it would be.

The fumes kept his head nice and fuzzy,

and he got to ride the
hoist in the garage.

Kevin's favorite part was waiting

for the last customer of the day.

So he could steal his car and
drive to his new apartment.

[ding]

[upbeat music]

Hi Jesus, tough day at the office?

Welcome home, Kevin.

We can lay low here until
we have enough money

to move to South America.

Some people owe me favors there.

Narrator: Kevin asked
Pete what he had in the bag.

I found a bunch of
hospital medical waste.

I'm sure we can all find
something we like in there.

[pills rattle]

[slurping]

[heavy breathing]

[upbeat music]

Can I help you?

My buddy Jimmy says you'll pay me some

serious money if I can help ya.

Then he said I should wink at ya.

But I didn't want you
to think I was fruity,

so I'm just tellin' you, instead.

I see.

Mr. Spencer, it's like this.

I have some serious
financial concerns that have

rendered the liquidity of
my portfolio rather static.

Consequently, I'm going to
have to circumvent the more

conventional strictures
of profit and loss to

render my stocks viable by next quarter.

After all, Adam Smith's
Laissez-faire economic

principals are inflexible in our age of

conspicuous consumption, right?

Yeah, you want me to come back to your

office and torch the place.

In so many words.

I need it to look like
an accident, though.

So, please, try to make it
look like an electrical fire.

Do it on Christmas Eve when no one's here.

Here's the key.

No problem.

Well, I'm off to Monaco.

Get some sun, and an alibi.

Quit winkin' at me, fagg...

Oh I get it.

[holiday music]

God bless us, everyone.

[holiday music]

[thump]

God bless us, everyone.

[holiday music]

God bless us, everyone.

[holiday music]

God damn it, how do you
hook this f*cking sh*t up?

[mumbling]

Narrator: The only problem
with spending Christmas

with junkie mental patients,
was all the hallucinations.

Look at me, I'm Gypsy Rose Lee.

Yoo hoo!

I'm dancing for ya Messiah.

I'm shaking my holy money
maker as birthday booty for ya.

Spiders, so many spiders.

[intense music]

Narrator: Kevin was
getting spooked by his

mental patient friends.

And he was glad he pulled
the Christmas Eve shift

at the station.

Mostly because he'd
run out of cough syrup,

and he was really looking
forward to huffing the fumes.

[kissing]

Goodbye my love!

[kissing]

[upbeat music]

Sanchez, hmm, have you
lose a relative name Renaldo?

Narrator: Kevin told
him his name was Renaldo.

Probably because he was
stupid from the fumes.

Really?

Huh, well I got a
message for you, Renaldo.

Come into the garage,
it's kind of private.

Narrator: That's when
Kevin realized Bo had stolen

the identity of someone else
who was wanted by the mafia.

[thud thud thud]

[dramatic music]

[laughs]

Quick, take him off the hoist.

I have a better idea.

I won't ruin the surprise, but it involves

this high pressure hose
and this thumb tack.

Pull his pants down.

Wait, I think he's
trying to say something.

Narrator: Kevin told
the g*ng that his real name

wasn't Renaldo Sanchez, after all.

He says his real name is Kevin Spencer.

Says we can check with the cops.

They know him pretty well.

Kevin Spencer, huh?

Narrator: Kevin
breathed a sigh of relief.

Yeah, Kevin Spencer's that
guy who banged the bosses wife.

The reward for k*lling him is
three times as big as Sanchez.

Give him the hoist.

[ringing]

[mumbling]

That was the boss.

He said we're not k*lling
him in a painful enough way.

[laughs]

We got to bring him to the compound.

Ah, man, but this is so much fun.

Uhhh, how can I say no to you boys?

Just make sure he's still alive

when we stuff him in the trunk.

[dramatic music]

[laughing]

God damn it, it's
Christmas and I never wanted

a drink so bad in my f*cking life.

Oh, don't think about it, baby.

Just look at the nice porno.

I guess.

At least now we get to
see all those channels

between 60 and 107.

You remember the
old days, when you used

to try unscrambling the picture yourself

by playing with the horizontal hold?

Maybe I'll show you my horizontal hold.

[screams]

See baby, the movies
getting you all ready.

We interrupt this porno
movie for a news bulletin.

The search continues for the
corpse of suicide victim,

Kevin Spencer.

Witnesses saw the young man
drive his car onto the bridge,

and leap to his death.

Oh my god!

The boy k*lled himself!

Son of a b*tch.

Little b*stard owed me ten bucks.

Did we ever insure the boy?

We don't have much hope
of recovering the body

due to the strong currents and the fact

that we have to be at a
hockey tournament by six.

Who are you playing this week, Chief?

We're gonna open a can
of kick a*s on the pussies

from Eli's House of Carpet.

Sounds great, best of luck!

So, another suicidal tean meets his end.

And now, back to tonight's
adult science fiction feature,

"Bucking Rogers Big Fat
Shaft in the 21st Century".

[upbeat music]

[clapping]

Give us the six pack, baby.

[crowd murmurs]

Gosh, I wonder why the boy did it.

He had everything.

Loving parents, a stable
home where he could drink,

and a nice place to store those rib blobs

he found on the highway.

Probably 'cause I finked
him out to the mafia.

Percy, how could you?!

The f*ck' de scrambler
didn't pay for itself.

Well, at least we'll always have that

to remember him by.

Shut up.

Now sir, you say you
gave this prost*tute

fifty bucks for the works.

By "the works" you rightfully assumed...

Your Honor, when I said
"the works", I meant...

[gavel pounds]

Hey baby, when it's your turn to talk,

I'll tell ya.

Now in my day, "the
works" meant everything.

Rub, suck, penetrate.

Now pay up, baby.

How come I never get a judge like that?

Hey if you're good, maybe Santa will

bring ya one for Christmas.

Christmas?

Holy sh*t, it's Christmas Eve.

I gotta go torch that building.

On Christmas?

Can't you do it tomorrow?

f*ck Christmas, I'm
gettin' two G's for this,

keep your motor runnin'.

[buzz]

Please state your business.

I'm Santa Claus, I gotta make

a f*ck' delivery.

I'm real busy so don't d*ck me around.

I'm sorry sir, we
have to check everyone.

But I should have known it was you.

Head on in.

[beep]

[key turns in lock]

This is easy.

First I make it look like electrical fire.

[gasoline sloshing]

I just light it and
start counting the money.

[glass breaks]

[ominous music]

Open up ya f*ck' door.

Narrator: Percy was
learning a lesson that

amateur arsonists usually
learn the hard way.

If you're torching a room
with the door closed,

it creates a vacuum, which
isn't such a big deal.

Unless the door opens outward.

In which case, you're pretty much f*cked.

Well this is just perfect,

Merry f*ck' Christmas.

Gotta get outta here
before someone sees me.

[glass shatters]

[sirens in the distance]

It appears a fat arsonist
has become the victim

of his own stupidity.

No one's sure how he'll
die, but Police experts

have created a chalk outline
of what they speculate

will be the estimated
dimensions of the stain

he'll leave on the pavement.

[intense music]

Stay calm, Percy.

Just walk straight, no
different than 100 DUI's.

[intense music]

[coughs]

Great, f*ck' elevator's f*cked too.

[coughs]

lucky I'm a two pack
a day man so the smoke

don't bug me so much.

[intense music]

Ahh my a*s!

[screams]

Narrator: Luckily for
Percy, the fat a*s he spent

so many years acquiring on the couch

finally did him some good.

It was so wide it slowed him down.

[shouts]

Holy sh*t!

Except for the cracked
ribs and internal bleeding,

I made it.

Percy, you's a f*ck' genius.

[beep beep]

[grunts]

So, Kevin Spencer, we finally meet.

Look Marietta, I want you
to see your boyfriend's face

when I cut his eyes out and make them into

earrings for Christmas.

I don't care what you do to him.

He ain't the guy, anyway.

Nice try protecting your boyfriend, eh.

You're an idiot, Big Daddy.

The kid's only 15 years old.

When I start getting
down, it's with a man.

Not with some underage freak.

Narrator: Kevin told Big Daddy that he

was being framed and that he'd never

laid a hand on his woman.

My informant wouldn't lie.

Don't pretend it wasn't you
who f*ndled my Marietta.

Don't pretend it wasn't
you who drank all my beer

and left this on my best silk sheets.

Narrator: That's when
Kevin realized the only reason

Percy finked him out, was
because he was the one

who banged the gangster's wife.

Marietta, is that true?

You are lucky Spencer, we're
only going to let you go

with a severe beating.

[snaps]

[dramatic music]

[window breaks]

[loud crash]

Hey boy, what the f*ck happened to you?

Got any cough syrup 'cause
daddy's jumpin' off the wagon.

Oh yeah, that's the sweet stuff.

Hey, phony id, too.

[glugs]

well Merry Christmas.

Listen boy, I think the
heats gonna be on for a while

so daddy's gonna be
scarce for a few months.

Tell your mom not to tail my sh*t, again.

Uh oh, I think we're gettin' off here.

[upbeat music]

You can't be my son.

My son committed suicide off the bridge.

Narrator: Kevin asked his mother

why she was acting so stupid.

Look, I know you're my rotten kid

but I don't want you back.

Life's been pretty sweet around here, now.

I don't gotta pour food
down your ugly face,

as far as the cops are
concerned, you're dead.

And that's the story I'm stickin' to.

[door slams]

Ah, what the f*ck, you're
still good for a few

more years of child support.

Merry Christmas.

[beep] [beep] [beep] [beep]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Something's wrong with that kid ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ His head don't work it never did ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ You better not cross his path ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ He's a chain smokin'
alcoholic sociopath ♪

♪ Sociopath ♪

Pete Wilcox: Yoo hoo, I'm
dancin' for you, Messiah.

[guitar]