02x15 - The Wedding Quacksher/The Food Notwork

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[WHISTLING]

Briarwood Country Club, eh?

Swanky.

Members only, huh? Oh, boy.

A bunch of exclusive
stuffed shirts,

standing around, talking about
how great they are.

Sounds like my kind of place!

Chauncey, I saw your Cutlass
in the parking lot.

I see my stock tip paid off.

Reginald!
Shaved a few shots off
your course record yesterday.

Looks like you owe me
a steak, you rascal.

All right, Leslie,
my daughter's wedding

is in 30 minutes,
and I need you

to make sure
everything goes perfectly.

Of course, Bernie.

Please, call me Mr. Briarwood.

Uh, of course, Mr. Briarwood.

And, might I add,
that when it comes
to coordinating weddings,

I'm the best man for the job.
[CHUCKLES]

Don't make jokes, Leslie,

and don't make
direct eye contact with me.

Eye contact is reserved
for Event Managers only.

Look sharp.
I'll see you in 30 minutes.

[SCOFFS] I can't believe
I've worked here
for ten years,

and I'm still 2nd Assistant
Junior Event Coordinator.

[SLURPING] Woo-hoo!

A duck?
In Briarwood Country Club?

Unacceptable!

Ooh! Now's my chance
to prove to Bernie...

Ah, Mr. Briarwood, that
I'm Event Manager material.

- Excuse me, sir.
-[SPITTING]

Perfect timing, my good man.

I need more
of these c*ck weenies,

a couple of jalapeno poppers,
and some mozzarella sticks.

And you might
want to freshen up this punch.

I am not a waiter, big mouth!

Big mouth? How rude!

I'd like to speak
with your manager.

There is no manager.

DAFFY: But your name tag says,
"2nd Assistant
Junior Event Coordinator."

- Yes?
- Is there a 1st Assistant
Junior Event Coordinator?

- No.
- Is there a 2nd Assistant
Senior Event Coordinator?

- No.
- All right, who's your boss?

He'd be the Event Manager.

- Then let me talk to him.
- There isn't one.

The position
is currently vacant.

Let's go over this
one more time.

Listen, you!

Mr. Briarwood's daughter
is getting married today!

She's getting married?

Why didn't you tell me?

-[EXCLAIMING]
- I haven't
gotten them a gift, yet.

Those gifts
don't belong to you!

Got to see what's inside,
so I don't double up!

Ooh! What's this?

Something for
their first garage sale?

A gift card!
That took a lot of thought.

A toaster! How retro.

Another toaster?
Geez, guys, use a registry.

You're ruining the presents!

Oh, these presents
were already ruined.

Who gives a Christmas sweater
at a wedding?

Actually, that's from me.

I'll return it for you.
Woo-hoo!

I'll tell you
what every newlywed needs!

Silverware and fine china!

And they're definitely
going to need one
of these chocolate fountains!

And you know what else
every household needs?

A 2nd Assistant
Junior Event Coordinator.

-[GRUNTS]
- It's perfect.

Hey!

It's hard
to rehearse a wedding
when the groom isn't here.

BOTH: There you are!

All right, here's
the schedule.

Three o'clock,
the guests arrive.

At 3:06, the bridesmaids
are given roses.

- Ow!
- Careful. They still
have thorns.

So, you're out there,
it's 3:07.

- Release the doves.
- What doves?

-[DOVES COOING]
-[GAGGING]

Don't eat the doves.
Release the doves!

[LESLIE SCREAMS]

You know, when Leslie here
asked me to be his best man,

I said, "How can I be
his best man? I'm a duck!"

[RIMSHOT PLAYS]

Come on, buddy.
It's a rehearsal.

How about a little support?

Oh, yes! That's a great one.
Good joke.

I'm kidding. Who wouldn't
want to marry Leslie?

He's a catch!
Although, to most women,

he's one catch
they'd want to throw back.

-[RIMSHOT PLAYS]
- Uh, yeah.
You got me that time.

I kid! But, really,
when I heard Leslie
was gonna get married,

I said, "I'm sorry,

"but how long
has your new wife
been nearsighted?"

-[RIMSHOT PLAYS]
- Okay, that's enough.

I'm joking. She sees fine.

She sees his bald spot,
his crow's feet,

and his excessively-long
nose hairs.

-[RIMSHOT PLAYS]
- Yeah, not my sense of humor.

I mean, this guy is old!
He's got more wrinkles

than an accordion wearing
a pair of linen pants.

Okay! I don't
have to take this!

But, that's enough out of me.

Let's hear from
the man of the hour.

Look at that, folks.

He's only been
married five minutes,

and he already knows
to keep his mouth shut.

-[GRUNTS]
-[GIGGLING MANIACALLY]

[GRUNTING ANGRILY]

MR. BRIARWOOD:
Now, if everyone would please

join us inside
for the reception.

Ice got your tongue? I'll make
all your problems melt away.

[STRAINING]

MR. BRIARWOOD:
Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson.

-[EXCLAIMING]
- You can't rush art.

-[GRUNTS]
- Now, you were saying?

The reception... Starting...

Well, let's get
this party started!

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROANS ANGRILY]

Y'all ready for plates?

Hey!

[GRUNTING] Gotcha!
Any last words?

How about, "Ka-boom"?

[ALL CHEERING]

Congratulations, Mr. Duck.

You've made my daughter's
special day even more special.

No problem, chief.
It was a piece of cake.

Oh, thank you.

How would you
like to be Event Manager?

I'd be delighted.

[GASPS] You're making
the duck Event Manager?

[SCREAMING] I want
to be the manager!

Take this plate
to the kitchen and clean it.

Think you can manage that?

Yes, Mr. Briarwood.

Hey! Look at that! Woo-hoo!

Always the bridesmaid,
never the Event Manager.

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS]

Welcome to Gettin' Fresh,
with me, Ivana.

Today, we're coming
to you live,

from the middle of the forest,
where I can show you

how to gather
the freshest ingredients

to make a fresh,
delicious meal.

Follow me.

Today, we're preparing
root veggies.

Fresh rutabaga,
fresh parsnips, fresh beets,

and of course, fresh carrots.

[STRAINING]

Stand by,
ladies and gentlemen.

[ALARM BELL RINGS]

You're ruining my show!

You're ruining my garden.

Your garden is my dinner.
Now, get lost!

[GRUNTS]

That cook
is about to get burned.

-[CHANTING] Fresh. Fresh.
-[ALARM BELL RINGS]

Welcome back.

One of the most important
parts of cooking
is to make sure

your space and utensils
are clean and germ-free.

Nothing ruins freshness more
than germs, dirt and grime.

Huh? Dirt!
But, I... Oh. [CHUCKLES]

Well, no harm done.

That's why it's a good idea
to double-check.

Make sure everything
is spick-and-span.

More dirt! How in the...

[GROANING]

In order
to maintain freshness,

it's important to keep
your workstation clean.

[CHUCKLES] There.
Now, we can begin...

Oh, for crying out loud!

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!

- Hmm? [GROWLS]
-[SNEEZES]

[GROWLING]

Forget it! I just won't use
a cutting board and a knife.

All I need is
a boon and a spowl...

I mean, a pool and a bown...

Oh, you know what I mean!
[CHUCKLES]

Oh! These are dirty, too!
[SCREAMS]

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS]

-[ALARM BELL RINGS]
- We're back.

Don't worry about cutting
up your veggies and roots.

You can cook them whole...

We have to take some
audience questions, now.

Adjust the lights.
Her face is starting
to look a little leathery.

Huh? Uh, uh... Oh, I guess now
is the part of the show

where I take questions
from the audience.

Uh, yes. You, with the glove?

Hey, Ivana. Uh, big fan.

Longtime watcher,
first-time caller.

I was wondering, uh,
how you gonna prepare
those carrots?

Good question.

To preserve the freshness,
it's best to prepare them...

BUGS: Now, since we're
talking about preparing,

how do I prepare
for my math test?

This is a cooking show.
I don't know about tests.

BUGS: And since
we're talking about tests,

in a test of strength,

how many push-ups
do you think I can do?

One, two, three, four, five...

How long do you think
I can scream?

How many geese
are in a gaggle?

What's the difference
between a frog and a toad?

Can you take a look
at this mole on my back?

[YELLING] Silence!

-[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Is that a doorbell?

- How did that...
-[DOORBELL RINGING]

Okay, hold your horses.

- Howdy, neighbor.
- What do you want?

I'm doing a television show!
[TEETH GRINDING]

I was hoping I could
borrow a cup of sugar.

Oh, well, of course.

It's the neighborly
thing to do.

Here! Now, where was I?

Oh, yes. Freshness...

Eh, how about a cup of milk?

Yes. Of course.

Cup of salt? Cup of pepper?
Cup of coffee?

Cup-and-ball game?

- The Stanley Cup?
-[STRAINING]

Couple of bucks?
The lost cup of Ali Baba?

Cup of noodles?
Cup of doodles?

- Cup of poodles?
-[SCREAMING] Enough!

[PANTING] Now,
as I was saying...

-[DOORBELL RINGS]
-[SCREAMING] What?

- Got any cup-holders?
-[TEETH GRINDING]

You don't look so good.

I know what'll
fix you right up.

A nice, fresh meal.

Why, you... [GROANS]

That bruise looks fresh.

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS]

[GROANING]

[GASPS] Celebrity chef,
Random Gorsay!

[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
Get off the ground,
you lazy pile of whale phlegm!

If you're not going to cook,
at least toss the salad!

Yes, chef!
Whatever you say, chef!

You call that tossing?
Don't be so gentle.

It's a salad, not a baby!

Yes! Of course, chef.
What was I thinking...

Faster, you miserable
pile of pigeon puke.

Teach me. Mold me.
I am your humble student.

Give me that bowl,
you worthless sack of pig fat!

The great Random Gorsay
called me pig fat!

I can't wait
to tell my friends. [EXCLAIMS]

[WHIRRING]

Now, that's how
you toss a salad.

Wow! I never thought
to prepare salad this way.

Now, we just chill the lettuce
to keep it crisp.

A bit of liquid nitrogen
should do the trick.

And, mix!

-[WHIRRING]
- Yeesh!

Eh. Live and learn.

[TEETH CHATTERING]
I won't let that rabbit
take my freshness.

[IN CREEPY VOICE]
You wants my freshness?

Huh?

BUGS:
It's Trollum's freshness.

Who's there?
[TEETH CHATTERING]

Promises me you won't takes
my freshness.

[SCREAMING]

- Freshness!
-[CAMERA THUDS]

Keep that freshness
away from me!

Keep it away!

Well, that's our showsies.

Tunes insies next weeksies,

when you and Trollum
seeksies the freshness!