02x12 - Hoggin' the Road/Timmmmmmbugs

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

PORKY: This road trip is gonna
be fantas...fantas...

[STAMMERING]
It's gonna be great.

Time to get this show
on the road.

[RV BEEPING]

-[EXCLAIMS]
-[GASPS]

[SHRIEKS]

Oh, no.
[STAMMERING] Not again!

Oh, woe is me.
My limbs are broken.

My beak is strained!

My credit score is terrible!

I'm gonna sue the pants
off of you

or whatever you've got
going on downstairs.

Oh, no! [STAMMERING]
What should I do?

I'd get me in the RV.

- Right.
- Nurse me back to health.

[STAMMERING] Now, don't worry.

I'll have you feeling
better in no time.

I'll make you
a comfy little bed
in this box.

Huh?

- Uh, wake up, Mr. Duck.
-[MUMBLES]

Sleeping. Come back later.

[STAMMERING]
Come on, Mr. Duck.
That's my bed!

Your bed is over here.
This is where you belong.

What? All right,
no more messing around.

Stay put, Duck.

Not again!

This is my bed.

This is yours.

[PANTING] Oh, forget it.

-[ENGINE STARTING]
- Hmm? [STAMMERING] What
are you doing up here?

The only one who should be
driving this RV is...

[STAMMERS] Me...

- Porky Pig!
- Never heard of him, chum.

Just sit back and relax,

and enjoy the sounds
of this soothing mixtape.

[STAMMERING] "Relax"?

-[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING]
- I'm not gonna relax
until you... Oh!

Is that smooth jazz?

[STAMMERING]
Now, listen... Oh!

Listen to that sweet,
sweet groove.

[STAMMERING]
I should be drive... [SNORES]

-[LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
-[GASPS]

- Woo-hoo!
-[STAMMERING] Watch out
for that chicken coop!

Watch out for
that hot dog stand!

Watch out for that
water balloon factory!

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ooh! Ooh!

[STAMMERING] Gently put it
in reverse and back up...

...very slowly.

[SEAT WHIRRING]

Not back up the seat!

-[STAMMERING] Back up the RV.
- Back of the RV?

Don't mind if I do! Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!

- Woo-hoo!
-[PINBALL MACHINE SOUNDS]

Phew! [STAMMERING]
That was close. We had
too much weight up front.

I mean, even a single
bowling ball might have
sent us...

Hey, Piggy!
Watch me make a strike!

No! Huh?

Huh. [STAMMERING]
I guess I was wrong.

Why do you got
so many bowling ba*ls, anyhow?

I like to have a spare?

Whatever happens next,
we all deserve it.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

DAFFY: Yoink!

Why'd you stop?
I was finally having fun.

[STAMMERING] I've had enough
of your shenanigans.

You're gonna get
what's coming to ya.

OFFICER: Excuse me, gentlemen.

You're parked
on a train trestle.

Is everything okay?

[STAMMERING]
Oh, yes, sir, Officer.

Just pulled over so I could,
uh, give my baby here
some snuggles and cuddles.

-"Baby"?
- Now, now, baby.

-[CHUCKLES] Don't fuss.
- He is so cute!

I'm still hungry, Daddy.

[STAMMERING]
He's a growing boy.

Certainly is nice to see
a father be so generous
with his son.

He ate everything
except for the one donut!

Don't mind if I do.

Just be safe out there.
Next time, stay on the road?

- Boy, she was nice!
- You! You ate all my food!

Whoa, you seem pretty hot.
You need to cool off, pal.

Why not take a cold shower?

The joke is
I put him in the toilet.

Woo-hoo!

[PORKY SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

- All right, Mr. Duck.
You're gonna be so...
-[SPLASHING]

-[SCREAMS]
-[THUDS]

[PANTING]

[SPLASHING]

-[SCREAMS]
-[THUDS]

I could do this all day.

Huh? Whoa!

You snuck up on me there.

Hey, we're okay. We're okay.
No hard feelings, right?

[DAFFY GRUNTING]

DAFFY: Woo-hoo!

- There. [STAMMERING]
That oughta hold ya.
- Oh, please.

This is the lousiest job
of tying someone up
I've ever seen.

You think you can do better?

With one hand tied
behind my back,

which it is. Just do as I say.

Loop that end through there,
now pull that end taut.

Tighten the loose end.
Okay, over there.
Put that around,

and back through, again.
There. Over. Up. Down.

Around. Back. Through. Again.
Back through again.

Over. Under. In. Out. Up.
Down. Over. And voila!

This pig's been hogtied!

[STAMMERING] I can't wait
for this trip to be over.

Over? It hasn't even started!

[STAMMERING]
What do you mean
it hasn't even started?

Thanks again, Rebecca.

- Can I put this on my resume?
- You know, I wouldn't.

[STAMMERING] Huh? You mean
we haven't even left yet?

Well, we had to take
a test drive, silly.

Now sit back and enjoy
the sounds of
this soothing mixtape.

-[STAMMERING]
Now, listen here. I...
-[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING]

Oh! Is that smooth jazz?

Mmm. That is one sweet groove.

[RUMBLING, BUZZING]

BUGS: What the...

[SHRIEKS]

[INHALES DEEPLY]
[QUIETLY] Timber.

-[CHAINSAW RATTLING]
-[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

Hey, you hipster, what gives?

You nearly flattened me
with all those trees.

[IN THICK FRENCH ACCENT]
Of course I did!
I'm Blacque Jacque Shellacque,

the lumberjack!

And I'm cutting down
all the trees in the forest!

You can't
cut down these trees!

There are squirrels
with really high voices
that live up there.

[SQUEAKING ANGRILY]

-[SQUEAKS YELLS]
- Your high-pitched friend

is squeaking up
the wrong tree.

These trees are mine.

I'm going to turn them
into toothpicks to get
the food out of my teeth!

Look, shark, I'm not gonna
let you get away with this.

Nobody speaks like that
to Blacque Jacque Shellacque!

I'm not nobody!
I'm Bugs Bunny, doc.

Well, Mr. Bugs Bunny Doc,

now you must face me
in a lumberjack challenge!

Yes, now I must!

What's a lumberjack challenge?

It is a competition
between lumberjacks.

You win, I leave the forest.

But if I win, I will
cut down every single tree

so there will not be
a forest to live!

The first challenge
is the wood chop!

Whoever splits the wood
in the fewest chops wins!

Un, deux, trois.
Trois chops! Beat that.

Trois chops. No prob.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoops!

Ah, well, whaddaya know?
One chop.

Was luck of beginner.

Any little dweeb can cut wood.

But I can cut anything!

Really? Anything?

- Can you cut this bed?
-Oui!

- How about this refrigerator?
-Oui.

How about these rare
commemorative plates

featuring the
Stanley Cup-winning
Montreal Canadiens?

Oui! Oui! Oui!
Wait a minute.

I have rare,
commemorative plates
of the Montreal Canadiens.

Yeah, all of this is yours.

I got it from your cabin.

[SOBBING] Oh, no, no, no!

Oh, no, no, no!

Aw. I sure do hate
to see a grown lumberjack cry.

What's next,
pressing wild flowers?

Double Dutch? Jumping Jacques?

The poutine
and maple syrup guzzle.

Only a true lumberjack
can eat a lumberjack
breakfast like moi!

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

Oh, yeah?

Ooh, viscous!

[COUGHS]

Your turn.

Oh, no, I'm not eating that.
I forfeit.

Yep, looks like we both lost.

I lost the challenge,
and you lost your pants.

All right, rabbit.

We are tied, one to one.

Let's see you beat me
in log rolling!

- Gee, doc, that sounds hard.
- Oh, it is.

- Whoever stays on the log
the longest is the winner.
- All right.

Don't start spinning
until you heard the word "go".

- Got it?
- Got it.

- Ready, set...
- Go!

Hey, no fair!

You went too early!

But I heard the word "go".

That is because you said it!

I'm supposed to say it!

Don't start spinning
until I say "go".

- You did it again!
- You said the word "go".

I was explaining the rules!

What's the difference?

You need the rule
so you know when to go.

Okay! New rule!
I will say
"Un, deux, trois,"

and then we begin.

- Okay.
-Un, deux, trois...

What are you doing?

I heard "Un, deux, trois..."

But I didn't say "go..."

[EXCLAIMS]

Un, deux, trois, go!

[ROARING]

[YELLS]

Boy, Squeaks, that cave
really amplifies your voice.

[GROWLS SQUEAKILY]

Log rolling was a draw.

We're still tied, one to one.

That makes tree climbing
the final challenge.

Whoever wins this
wins the forest.

And I will win!

I will be the,
how do you say, "The victor"?

Actually, in this country,
it's pronounced "loser."

Fine! Then I will
be the loser!

Ha-ha! Climb, Jacque.

Climb like the loser you are!

Hee-hee! What a Luddite.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[AIR HORN BLARING]

Celine Dion! Ow! Ow! Ow!

[GRUNTS] Oh! I surrender!

I have just one more challenge
for you before you go.

Hey, Jacque, did you finish
putting the forest back?

I'm tired of this! I quit!

You hear that, Squeaks?

[ROARS SQUEAKILY]

[WHIMPERING]

He really is
a Blacque Jacque
of all trades,

but a master of none.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]