02x09 - Love It or Survivalist It/The Porklight

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

This week,
I'm gonna show you

how to turn this old cabin
into the home of your dreams.

All I need
is a cooler full of food
and a shed full of tools

and I'm good to go!

Now I'm over here!

As you can see,

I've rigged
this whole house
with cameras,

so you viewers at home
can watch me fix every room
in the house.

The first thing you wanna do
is to flush out all the vermin
that are squatting inside.

You'll wanna get 'em out
in the most humane way
possible.

So, I like to use an air horn.

-[AIR HORN BLARING]
-[GRUNTS]

Fellas!
Where are you going?

I thought
we were gonna
play Scrabbit?

Those were some
strong rabbits.

Shame they escaped.

Had I caught one,

I would've shown you
how to make a meal out of
an entire family of rabbits.

I love eating rabbits.

Now, let's start
renovating this house.

[CRASHING]

[STAMMERING]
Wait, hold up.

Maybe I'll be eating
rabbit yet.

Hello!
Bugs Bunny here.

This week,
I'm gonna be
showing you

how to renovate
Tad Tucker's bloated ego.

[SIGHS]
No luck, but no biggie.

I came prepared
with plenty of my own food.

[YELLS] My food!

My koala chips!
My dingo jerky!

My spicy emu meat! Ow!

-[CREAKING]
- Morning!

Now, before we do anything,
let's do a quick walk-through
of the house.

First thing we have to do
is test out the floorboards.

Ahhh!
[GROANING]

That's a bite in the knickers.

Ahhh!

Ha!
That Taekwondo class
sure paid off.

I guess the floors
are a tad spongy.

Ah, well. No matter.
Let's check the stairs.

Well, there's a bit
of good news.

These stairs
are as solid as...

Ahhh!

[EXCLAIMING]

[GROANS]

Okay.

Let's get this over with
and inspect the attic.

This guy's got a screw loose.

[EXCLAIMING]

[EXCLAIMING CONTINUES]

[GROANING]

Ahhh!

The next thing
we need to do

is patch up some
of these holes in the wall,

using some drywall.

Before we install the drywall,
we need to measure the hole.

Remember the old saying,
"Measure twice, cut once."

There!
That ought to...

Huh?

I could've swore I, uh...

Now that I think of it...
[CHUCKLES]

The saying was,
"Measure thrice, cut once."

Ah! Come on!

"Measure four times,
saves more time."

There! Perfect!

Ahhh!

Since the first
and second floors
are in rough shape,

I'm gonna...
[YAWNS]

...sleep up here
in the attic.

See you in the morning!

[SNORING]

[THUDDING]

I'm never gonna get any rest,
if I keep tumbling about.

This bungee cord
attached to my leg

will prevent me
from falling.

[TAD SNORING]

BUGS:
He wanted to eat
your entire family.

[EXCLAIMING]

[STRAINING]

[EXCLAIMING]

Mommy, Daddy, Mommy,
Mommy, Daddy, Mommy!

[STRAINING]
Gotcha! Crikeys, I've had it!

Since this house
is in a bit rougher shape
than I anticipated,

I'm gonna spend
the night outside,
under the stars.

Just listen to
the soothing sounds

of those crickets
out there.

[CHIRPING]

Their chirping
is nature's sweet,
gentle lullaby.

I'm gonna get closer,
so I can hear
every single one.

-[AIR HORN BLARING]
-[TAD YELLS]

- The attic!
-[THUDDING]

- Not the stairs!
-[THUDDING]

- Floorboard!
-[THUDDING]

Okay, I've fallen
out of the window,

been covered in molasses
for some reason,

and now,
I'm standing
in poison ivy.

They say that
bad things happen
in threes,

so by that reasoning,
the worst is over.

Fire ants!
That's four things!

Ahhh!

[GASPING]
Here's a tip for you.

If you're ever covered
in horrible fire ants

find the closest water source
and submerge yourself.

Hmm. That's funny.

I've got some sort
of tingling sensation
going on down under.

Leeches!
Now that's five things.

Feeling sleepy.

Maybe I should
just go back to...

My tent!

That's six.

Morning.
[CHUCKLES]

Today,
we'll be installing
a new floor.

Nailed it!

What?

I could've sworn
I just hammered
that nail in there.

[GRUNTING]
There!

Huh? Now I know
I nailed that one in.

What?

Ahhh!

[STRAINING]

[LAUGHING]

I don't think this house
is worth saving!

I'm gonna tear this thing down
to the foundations!

[GRUNTING]

[EXCLAIMING]

[LAUGHING]

Tad Tucker knows
when to quit!

Oh, yeah!
Tad Tucker's a quitter!

[PANTING]

Uh-oh.

Here's your new home.
The keys are on the armoire.

[GRUNTING]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Rain?

Well, at least I still have
my tool shed for shelter.

[STRAINING]

Oi! Let me in!

When someone messes
with your house,

the first thing you do
is change the locks.

Welcome to
the Porklight Theater.

Today's film is Hamlet.

The film version of
William Shakespeare's
classic play...

DAFFY: Boring!

I'm sorry,
did someone say
something?

Lost my train of thought.

Anyway,
the exits are on the other...
[STAMMERING]

DAFFY:
Put your arms down,
I can smell your B.O.

- All right, who said that?
-[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Sure, I've got time
to take a survey.

[CLEARS THROAT]
The use of cell phones
is strictly prohibited...

-[STAMMERING]
-[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Sorry, folks,
this is embarrassing.

- Hello?
- I thought you said,
"No cell phones?"

Okay, wise guy.

If we can't use cell phones,
how about cymbals?

[CYMBALS CRASHING]

No cymbals.

How about a didgeridoo?

[DIDGERIDOO PLAYING]

No...
[STAMMERING]

- How about a tuba?
-[TUBA PLAYING]

- Or a blender?
-[WHIRRING]

- Or a chainsaw?
-[WHIRRING]

- Or one of these things?
-[RATTLING]

No... [STAMMERING]
Whatever that thing is.

[POPPING]

No, no, no, no, no!

Excuse me, pardon me,
pardon me, excuse me,
pardon me.

- Where'd he go?
-[WHIRRING]

Yoo-hoo!
Hey there, big boy.

Excuse me, pardon me,
excuse me, pardon me.

Excuse me.

[WHIRRING]

- Excuse me, sir?
- Fine! You take over.

I have a movie to watch.

All righty, that's enough!

Hey, bub!

You can't march in here
without a ticket.

But I work here.

You do?
When does your shift start?

- Two hours ago.
- Coming in late, huh?

You're fired!

Fired?
You can't fire me.

Say, I like
your gumption, kid.

- You're hired!
- Phew.

Thanks.

Here are your duties
for today.

First, clean the toilet.

Now, churn the butter.
Pop the corn.

Get my dry cleaning!

Paint my fence!

Clean the bridge
of the Queen Mary.

♪ I am the very model
of a modern Major-General ♪

Am I done?
[GRUNTS]

What do I care?
I don't even work here!

-[WHOOPING]
-[GROWLS]

- Mr. Duck?
- What'll it be, pal?

- Huh?
- Hey, buddy, no outside
food or drink allowed.

But I don't have
any outside...

Good!
Then have a soda.

For 25 cents more,
you can upgrade to a medium.

For 35 cents,
you can upgrade to a large.

And it also comes
with a tub of popcorn.

- Butter?
- I really shouldn't.

Oh, come on.
Indulge.

Don't forget about dessert!

That'll be $911.12.

Whoo-hoo!

HAMLET: [ON SCREEN]
Alas, I've been slain.

[LAUGHING]

- Now, that's it.
- Shh!

HAMLET:
Heaven make thee
free of it.

I follow thee.

Wretched queen, adieu.

Now listen, Mr. Duck.

Shh! Hey!
Eyes on the screen, pal.

Oh, sorry.

But listen, Mr. Duck,
I need you to be quiet
and watch the movie

if you're going
to be in here,
understand?

Huh? Uh-oh.

Listen, Mr. Duck,
I need you to be quiet
and watch...

Oh.

I need you to be quiet
and watch the...

Oh.

I need you to be quiet
and watch the...

I need you to be quiet...

To be quiet
and watch the...

To be quiet
and watch the...

Do you mind?

I need you to be quiet
and watch the movie
if you're gonna be in here.

[WHISPERING]
Oh, sorry.

I'm just kidding ya, pal.

-[WHOOPING]
-[EXCLAIMING]

You need to leave, Mr. Duck.

Eat spicy meat stick, Mr. Pig!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Whoo-hoo!
Gonna fly...

[EXCLAIMS]

[EXCLAIMS]

DAFFY:
Cha-cha-cha,
cha-cha-cha!

- A-goochy-goochy-goo-ga!
- Stop it! Let me go!

- If you insist.
- Ahhh!

-[GROWLS]
- Ahhh!

[GULPS]

[CHOKES]

[PORKY SCREAMING]

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

Oh.
This is actually
quite nice.

[BLOWING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[STAMMERING]

[SCREAMS]

Hey, chum.
You're not enjoying
the full effect.

You need to see this in 3D.

Then you get
to experience the movie
up close and personal.

It's almost like
you're in the movie.

[SCREAMING]

Pretty cool, right?
But it gets better. Watch!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!

This is incredibly realistic.
[SPLUTTERING]

It's like I'm there.

Mmm. Banana cream.

You think that's impressive.

Wait till you see this.

I don't know
what can top a pie,

but show me
what you got!

Sock it to me, Daddio!

-[WHISTLE BLOWING]
-[GRUNTS]

- This 3
- D is spectacular.
[STAMMERING] I love it!

Boy, this movie
sure got derailed.

-[WHOOPING]
-[WHISTLE BLOWING]