02x08 - Lucky Duck/Free Range Foghorn

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Top of the mornin'... [GRUNTS]

Oh, no.
Me lucky horseshoe.

That's not a good sign.

[GASPS] Me four-leaf
clover patch!

-[SNARLING]
- Yikes!

- A black cat!
-[YOWLS]

-[GRUNTING]
-[YOWLS]

[PANTING]

Shameless O'Scanty
is out of luck.

How could this day
get any worse?

[GRUNTS]

St. Louis of the Chapped Lips!

Me cousin Mary
is comin' to town.

I gotta find me some luck,
or my cousin will never
let me live it down.

♪ Magpies and shamrocks

♪ Toobley-doo-re-lu-re-lu

♪ Sweaters, tin whistles

Quiet down,
you nonsensical noise-maker!

Can't you see I'm trying
to think here?

♪ Sheep almost everywhere

[GRUNTS]

♪ That's Ireland ♪

Hey, there, little shaver.

[GROANING]

My clover field.
It's sprouting!

-[SNARLING]
- Run for your life!

- That cat's a k*ller!
-[YOWLS]

[PURRING]

[CHOKING]

[GASPS] A $100 bill.

- Here. You look like
you need this more than I do.
-[GRUNTS]

Don't spend it all
in one face!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

[GULPING]

St. Phoebe of the Stinky Feet!

The legend of the lucky duck
is true.

Once a generation,
a rare duck comes along

that is brimming
with enough luck

to fuel a family
of leprechauns.

All right, Shameless.

You need to capture
that lucky duck,

chain him up
inside a tiny box,
inside an even tinier house

so he can be
me lucky charm forever!

[HUMMING]

Hmm?

Hey! Are you sneaking
up on me?

No, I'm head of this here
forest's welcoming committee,

and we're throwing you a party
inside this apartment.

Party for me? All right!

You bring the people.
I'll bring the fun. Whoo-hoo!

[CHUCKLES] That was easy.

-[MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING]
-[MUFFLED CHATTER]

- Great party, pal.
-[MUSIC PLAYING]

You mind sprucin' up my juice
with a couple of ice cubes?

Not a problem.

Wait a minute.
I want to go to a party!

-[GROANS]
-[KNOCKING]

Might there be room
for one more in there?

Sure! The more the merrier.

[MUSIC STOPS]

St. Edward of the Earwax!
I've been tricked!

- Let me out!
- DAFFY: Oh, no.

You won't be seein'
the outside of this cell
any time soon.

You were sentenced
to life in prison.

Life in prison?

But I'm innocent.
Innocent, I tell ya.
[STRAINING]

That's what they all say.

Only a call from the governor
can save you now.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello? Yes, governor.

Release him?
Give him his freedom?

Uh-huh. Okay.

Wrong number.

Just kidding!

You've been pardoned.

- You're free to go.
-[JIG PLAYING]

Freedom!

Oh, cabbage.

[SPLASHING]

[COUGHING]

Bottom of the evenin' to ya.

- Wait right there.
-[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, St. John's wort.

- Where did he go?
- DAFFY: Yoo-hoo!

I'm down here.

No! I wanted you to wait
right here!

- Where are you now?
- DAFFY: I'm up here.

Well, what are you doin'
up there?

Because you told me to wait
right here.

Oh, that's not what I meant.

Look, they're both
the same thing,
here and there.

So, when you hear, "Here,"
I might mean there.

And when I hear, "There,"
I hear, "Here."

Because here is there
and there is here. Understood?

Hear, hear.

Excellent. Then stay
right there.

[PANTING]

Oh, Faith and Begorrah!

What are you doin' down there?

I've gotta be honest,

I didn't understand
a thing you said.

Okay, now listen.
Don't move a muscle.

I will come down there.

[SCREAMING]

-[SCREAMING]
-[PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING]

[SCREAMING]

St. Paul's bunions!
Huh?

-[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- Let's get our
routine together, guys.

Do the Superman.

That's the stuff.
The soaring eagle!

DAFFY: Now,
do the rotisserie chicken.

The twisted phone cord.

Bigfoot in a diaper!

Hey, where did everybody go?

Oh, they pulled
their parachutes ages ago.

We're about to hit the ground.

[GASPS] Quick, laddie.
Open your chute!

No need, my friend.
I have wings.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Oh, malarkey.
[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

Yike!

-[GRUNTING]
-[BEES BUZZING]

Don't worry, pal.
I'll catch ya!

[GROANING]

Get these feathers off me
or I'll...

Why you little... [MUMBLING]
[QUACKING]

Excuse me, I'm Mary O'Scanty.

I'm lookin' for me cousin
Shameless.

[GASPS] What is that?

[QUACKING CONTINUES]

It's a duck.

And I hear it's lucky.

The Legend of the Lucky Duck
is true!

I'm going to chain him up
inside a tiny box,

inside an even tinier house
so he can be me lucky charm.

-[QUACKING]
- Forever!

Looks like she's got the duck
of the Irish.

DAFFY: Whoo-hoo!

[WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING]

I say... I say,
c*ck-a-doodle-doo, y'all.

Time to rise
and shine, ladies.

It's roll call
on another glorious day

at Foghorn's free-range
chicken farm.

FOGHORN: Yes, sir.
Kentucky bluegrass

that caters
to your every whim.

He say,
"Caters to your every whim"?

I'd like to have a few
of my whims catered to.

Whoo-hoo!

- Mornin', Tina.
-[CLUCKING]

- Louise.
-[CLUCKING]

- Sally.
- Whoo-hoo!

I mean, uh... [CLUCKING]

Now, hold up.
You're not Sally.

Who are you?
Some kind of freeloader?

Freeloader? I'm Daff...

...fodil. I'm a new recruit.

New recruit, huh?

I wasn't told anything
about a new recruit.

Oh, this isn't the first time
this has happened.

Well, let me just, uh,
check my rooster roster here.

Ah, there you are. Daffodil.

Um, there are two F's
in Daffodil.

Right, right.

Uh, well, make yourself
at home, Daffodil.

I will.

Because I belong here.

Sheesh.

Sometimes, the healthier
these organic chickens are,

the weirder they look.

Hello, my peeps.

How's y'all cluckin'?

All right, ladies.
It's feedin' time.

Come and get it.

Huh? You're just gonna
eat off the ground like that?

Eww.

What's the matter, Daffodil?
Ain't you hungry?

Can't I get a plate
or a napkin?

Daffodil, chickens eat
off the ground.

But what about all that dirt?

I know! Look at all them
extra minerals.

Delicious!

Yeah, I don't see you
eating it.

This isn't about me, Daffodil.
This is about you.

And you're a chicken,
ain't ya?

Of course I'm a chicken.

Here I go.

Just a-huntin' and a-peckin'.

A-huntin' and a-peckin',
I say. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I really taste the dirt.

Huh?

[SCREAMING]

-[CLUCKING]
-[GROANING]

- Are you full?
- I didn't get any.

- You don't like seeds, gal?
Seeds, gal.
-[CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING]

You're not a sea gal.
You're a chicken.

That's a joke, girl.
Why ain't you laughin'?

[CHUCKLING] Oh,
I'm sorry, Daffodil.

You probably hungry.

I got somethin' for you.
There.

That'll keep your strength up.

Go on, now.
Chew and swallow it up.

I say, don't tell
the other gals
I gave ya special treatment.

All right. Time to put
your eggs in one basket.

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Good job, Gertrude.

Nice work, Tina.

Hey, I say... I say, hey.
I done come up empty-handed.

Where are your eggs, Daffodil?

- I'm still working on it.
- That's all right. I'll wait.

Uh, I'm having trouble
performing

when other people
are watching.

Just pretend I'm not here.

That's the great thing
about livin' in the country.
Peace and quiet.

I can't stand the city.
So loud and noisy,

and everybody's
walkin' and talkin'

and jibber-jabberin'
in your ear.

But you're jibber jabbering
in my ear.

You're overthinkin' it.

Just close your eyes
and imagine you're on a beach.

- The sun is shining.
-[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

The gentle sea air
is blowin' your feathers.

[BLOWS]

Bleh! The sea air needs
a breath mint.

How 'bout I sing ya a song?

-[HAPPY BIRTHDAY PLAYING]
-♪ You look lovely, it's true

♪ Just relax,
don't feel blue

♪ Feel your tension go meltin'

♪ You got layin' to do ♪

Well, that... I say, that'll
loosen up your egg muscles.
[CHUCKLING]

- Not really.
- Oh, well.

Then I'll just sit back
and, uh, let you
do your thing.

-[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- But I'm not leavin'
till I get that egg.

[STRAINING]

I can't! I...

I'm unable to produce.

Oh, Daffodil.

It takes a lot
to admit your shortcomings.

Also, I'm a duck.

A duck!

Oh, there's no ducks
on this chicken farm.

- You, I say,
you confessed deceiver.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Want eggs?

- Have some, ya dope.
-[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Phew. Almost lost
my commodities.

Whoa!

That's the one time
you could have used a duck
on the chicken farm.

[IMITATING FOGHORN]
That's a joke, son.
Whoo-hoo!

Actually, it's more
of a play on words.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

- Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Get back here, duck. [GRUNTS]

- Whoa...
- I'm havin' a wheel good time.

-[GRUNTING]
- Whoo-hoo!

Wash, rinse, spin cycle.

Now I know what
the laundry feels like.

Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whee!

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

Easy there, big fella.

It's all fun and games
until the funny little duck
gets his head kicked in.

[CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY]

You wouldn't hit
a guy with glasses.

Yow!

Ooh! Whoa... [SCREAMING]

Ooh! [SCREAMING]

-[WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING]
- c*ck-a-doodle-whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo! [GRUNTS]

Free-ranged or not,
this is one bird
that needs to be caged.

Yeesh.