01x35 & 01x36 - The Patrick Show Sells Out/Neptune's Ball

[bunniefuu]

- Hi, I'm Patrick Star,
and I live with my parents.

Ow!

This is my dad.

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister.

She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room.

And this...

this is my show!

[lively music]

♪

- [panting]
- [squeals]

- [laughs]

[crash]

[both grunt]

[both laugh]

- Yes. [chuckles]

[both laughing]

- Blimey, I don't know
what's worse,

his crazy show

or how empty me restaurant is.

[voice echoes]
[wind howls]

Well, that be enough of that.
- Stop!

Oh, please don't change
my stories.

They're all I live for.

- [laughs]

I'm getting a wedgie.

- [chuckles]

Eh, wedgie! [groans]

- Maybe if I advertise
on this weird show,

I can attract
more of these weirdos--

I mean, customers.

- One wedgie patty, please.

- And their money.
[chuckles]

- [growls]

I see what
you're up to, Krabs,

and I can flaunt my food
just as loud as you can.

Make way, "Patrick Show,"

your advertising overlord
is a-comin'.

[cackles]

Whoa! [grunts]

Hey, wha--aah!

- Shh.

- Welcome to
"The Patrick Show."

First up is a special message
from our man on the street.

- Thanks, Patrick.
[groans]

And that's why you don't stand
in the street.

- Doody noted.

And now, a word
from our new sponsor.

[grunts]
- Thanks, Patrick.

That's right, kids.

You shouldn't stand
in the street.

You should walk on the sidewalk

right on over
to the Krusty Krab,

where you love the patties

and we love your money.

And we also love
giving you patties

as long as you give us money.

- What is Mr. Krabs

doing on stage?
- Huh, duh.

He's sponsor-ating.

- But Plankton already paid me
to sponsor the show.

See?
- That's great.

Three times the money.

- It's two times,
and it's not great.

It means we're double-booked.

- Double-booked?

What's wrong with you amateurs?

- It's okay. Look!

They're gonna peacefully
talk out

all their differences

like the good friends they are.

- Each purchase
at the Krusty Krab

comes with a receipt
that doubles as a napkin.

- Hit the bricks, Krabs.

I'm sponsorin' this show.

- Pesky planktons.

You won't find
any of that bacteria

at the Krusty Krab.

[exclaims]
- Or anything edible.

Hello, I'm Plankton,

proprietor of the Chum Bucket.

There's nothing "krusty"

about the smooth, slimy texture
of my chum.

[muffled yelling]
- What's that?

I can't understand you.

But I do understand
what makes a delicious--

- Bucket of chum.

- Hey, I was here first,
you know?

- You doing on my commercial?
- You think you know

what you're doing.
- Maybe we should stop them?

- I got this.
- Krabby Patties are pathetic.

- Oh, yeah?
Try my knuckle sandwich.

Whoa. Hey, I'm flying!

- [laughs] Bye-bye.
[grunts]

- This is my show
and you two can't--

- Can both be sponsors.

Just take turns.

- Okay, then.

"The Patrick Show,"
brought to you

by the Krusty Krab.
- And the Chum Bucket, where--

- You can toss your trash.
- Wait!

It's time for "Captain Quasar."

- Captain Quasar
in "The Pattyverse Paradox."

- Pat-Tron, the radar
has detected a new planet.

Look at those onion rings!

Could this be
the tastiest planet ever?

- It looks so juicy goosey.

- Ohhh.
We must taste

this majestic patty paradise.

Hmm?
My sensors indicate

that everything on this planet

is a patty-based lifeform.

[Pat-Tron trills]

Wow.
Rocks made of kelp buns.

A butter-lettuce-fly.

A soda lagoon.

- Sensors indicate
deliciousness.

I have to take some samples.

- Hmm. [groans]

Pat-Tron! Are you quite done?

- [trills, burps]

[groans] So many samples.

I'm overloaded
with deliciousness.

- You're definitely full
of something.

This shameless shilling
is nauseating.

Time to prune
this patty paradise.

[laughs]

- Huh? Aah!
- Take that.

- [yelling]
- And that. And that.

- [groans]
- [chuckles]

- Aah!
- Now watch

this far superior
product placement.

- Fresh off
his latest misadventure,

Pat the Hapless searches
for a late-night snack.

- Hark! On the horizon!

Food!

[yells]

Me want service.

- Just a moment, sir.

Who ordered the Poison Patty
with extra pain?

Aah. Hey.

[growls, groans]

- Lucky that was
fresh loincloth.

[grunts] Give me service!

- How's about I service you

to an early grave?

- So weak from hunger.

I guess I'm doomed!

[seahorse neighs]
Huh?

- Yo,

I am the powerful wizard
Plank-toth,

and I hear you need
some delicious grub.

- It's true, great wizard.

Ooh. Me used to eating
dead things, but that stinks.

- Dang it, boy,
you have to eat it.

It'll give you super strength.

[groaning]

[grunts]

Yah!
- [chuckles]

- [yells]
- Aah!

- [burps]

Me am replenished.

Chum gave me strength

and scientifically-proven
nutrition.

Thank you, Plank-toth.

What am that up there?

[both groaning]

- There. Ha.

And the Planet Patty
destroyed your dumb...[grunts]

Chum show.

Ha. Ha.
- Uh, should we stop them?

- Well, they paid us
a lot of money for this spot.

- I wonder if these ads
are even working.

- Hey, come on!
- We want food!

- I am so hungry!

- Hello!

We saw your commercial.

We're hungry now.

- Oh, come on.
- Give us something to eat.

- I can't believe
that I'm saying this,

but I want chum!

- Now, on to our next segment,

Fashion Tips for hagfish.

- Wait!
- Huh?

- I got more ideas for you.
- [grunting]

- Listen, pink boy,
you could be

the new Krusty Krab mascot.

- No, no, no.

- We should have you doing
synchronized chum swimming.

- How 'bout I do
a dance number on your face?

- I'll have you singin'
a different tune!

[both growling]

- Great idea.
[chuckles nervously]

Let's slow things down

with a nice musical number.

- Super!
- [groans]

- Here, sing this.
- What is it?

- My jingle--

I mean, it's an old folk tune

Grammy used to sing to me.

- ♪ When your string
has lost its strum ♪

♪ And you're just too glum
to pluck it ♪

♪ You need some fun
so get off your bum ♪

♪ And truck it
on over to the Chum Bucket ♪

- ♪ Chum Bucket

[together] ♪ Truck it
on over to the Chum Bucket ♪

♪ Truck it
on over to the Chum Bucket ♪

♪ With every crumb you say
"yum" with your gullet ♪

♪ You've got a chum
at the Chum Bucket ♪

♪ So truck it
on over to the Chum Bucket ♪

♪ Chum bucket

♪ Truck it on over to the--
[piano crashes]

- Belay that noise, Mr. Patrick.
Key of C.

Watch the changes
and, uh, try to keep up.

- ♪ What do you do when you
need to fill your tummy? ♪

♪ You're so hungry
it ain't even funny ♪

♪ Well, friend, get ready
for news that's yummy ♪

- ♪ All you gotta do
is spend your money ♪

[together]
♪ At the Krusty Krab

♪ Krusty Krab

♪ Spend your money
at the Krusty Krab ♪

- [screams]

- ♪ That's not the tune we need,
let's chuck it ♪

♪ Now, when I say "Chum,"
you say-- ♪

Bucket.

[both yelling]

- Aaah!

- Should we intervene?

- Who's a wolverine?

both: Aah! Wait!

[all grunting]

- We just got kicked off
our own show.

[yelling]

- Hey, where they goin'?

[indistinct chatter]

- Heave! Heave! Heave!

[chomping]

- Aah.

- All these hungry people
are giving me a good idea.

Come on!

- It's the
"Krusty Bucket Show."

[cheering]

- Hey, Plankton,

what's the best part of eatin'
at the Chum Bucket?

When you're done and you vomit.

[laughs]

- I'm Eugene Krabs.

I don't wash my claws or flush.

- [growls]
- [chuckles]

Krabby Patties are made
with whale oil.

[chuckles]
- [gasps]

You leave
my daughter out of this.

[both grunting]

[doorbell rings]

- Knock, knock.
Special delivery.

- Hmm. Hmm?

- [whispering indistinctly]

- It seems we have
our commercial's first sponsor.

[humming]

[banjo music]
- Are you hungry?

Are all the real food shops
closed?

Then drag yourself down
to Patrick's Jelly Rock Shack.

We took a bunch of rocks
and put jelly on them.

[crunching]
[indistinct chatter]

[teeth shatter]

- Huh?
- We also do takeout.

[grunts]

We're conveniently located
just outside my house.

- Well, I am kind of hungry.
- Aah!

- Then come on down
to Patrick's Jelly Rock Shack.

Not responsible
for shattered teeth.

[giggles]

[jazzy music]

- [chuckles] Ooh.
[fart noises]

Ah, oh, ooh.

[vocalizing]

[cheering]

- I am offended.

- Huh?
But Lady Upturn, wait!

I can do a lot worse.

Huh?

Wha! [grunts]

- [gasps]

Patrick!

I got you, Patrick!
[pants]

- Hey, sis, what you doing?

- Aah!
- [grunts]

That was dynamite.

[hums]
- Oh. [grunts]

- [squeals, groans]

- Aw, they all left.

What a drag.

Huh?

Hmm.

Hmm. What's this?

Ooh! A letter.

- Who's it for?

[groans]

- It says..."U."

- Oh! That means it's for you.

- For me?
[paper shredding]

"Dear esteemed guest,
you and your family

"are hereby invited
to King Neptune's ball.

Tonight!"

[both giggle]

both: We're going to a ball.

We're going to a ball.

- Aah!

I am...[grunts]

Wounded.

- Okay, family,

if we're goin'
to a fancy party,

we're gonna need
some fancy duds.

- Oh, are we going shopping?
- Yeah.

Shopping through time,
-ime, -ime.

[dial whirs]

[accordion music]
Old Frenchies were fancy.

- [hums] Sacre bleu!

[yells, grunts]

Don't look at ze king!

- [giggles]

Now for the hairpiece
de resistance.

Voila.
- Wow.

You look
like a mobile noble, honey.

Now, my turn.

[dial whirs]

[chuckles]

I've got Nile style.
[giggles]

[dial whirs]
- [chuckles]

Rock royalty.

[dial whirs]

- I'm a pre-teen queen.

- I'm on a roll.

A kaiser roll.

Ha! [giggles]

- Now we're fancy Stars.
all: Yay!

[elegant string music]

[engine rumbles]
- Aah! What the--

[brakes screech]

[all yell, grunt]

- I won't say it again,

no invitation, no entry.

- But I was invited.

The invitation was stolen
from my person.

- Next.
- I'll have you know,

I am very...
[screams]

- Right this way.

- VIP treatment.

- Yeah! We're vips.

- Halt.
- [grunts]

- No pets allowed.

- Oh, sorry.
- [growls]

[sniffs]
- [whimpers]

- [huffs]

- [chuckles] Oh, you did not.

Oh, you did not. [chuckles]
- Yes, I did.

- All right, Stars,
this is a very classy event.

And remember,
act sophisticated.

- Food!

- Every Star for himself!

- Whoo-hoo.
[both giggle]

- Meh. Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, whoa.
- [indistinct]

- Ahem.

[tongs click]

[harp music]

♪

[bell dings]

[grunts]

Ahem.

♪

[gulps]

[burps]

- Goodness, I simply adore
your outfit.

- Are you descended
from Egyptian royalty?

- No. [laughs]

- It's so lovely to meet
a real queen.

[both chuckle]

[dramatic music]

- Oh, my, aren't you
a hungry headdress?

both: Aah!

[indistinct chatter]

- Hot dang.
Quite the sound system.

- Uh-huh.

- Speaking as one audiophile
to another,

you could really improve
the sound...

- [groans]
- With just a couple

of adjustments.

- Uh-huh. Look, kid, I'm busy.

- Yeah!
- Aah!

all: Whoa!

- Nice woofers.

- Sorry.

- If you balance it
more like this,

you can achieve a fuller sound
without as much vol--

- I said I'm busy.

- How 'bout a request
from a listener?

[lounge music]

[both grunt]
- Hey, what'd you do

to the stop button?
- [squeals, grunts]

- Whoa!
- Aah!

- Come back here
with my turntables!

Ugh!

- I do so love attending
parties I was invited to.

- [grunts] I was invited too.

Must find a way in. Hmm?

- [sniffs]
- [grunts]

They didn't let you in
either, hmm?

[gasps] That's it!

I think I know how we can both
get into that party.

And all it'll take
is a little bit of gold...

paint, that is.

- Aah! Ooh.

- I took down that creature

with naught but a bowie knife
and these two fins.

- Well, I took down
that creature

with a toothpick
and my dentures.

- As I recall,
you had a cannon.

[cannonball thuds]

- Oh, my favorite.

The sound
of old geezers wheezin'.

- Oh, how I've missed
the thrill of the hunt.

- What?

- How'd you like
to relive those glory days?

I can help with that.

- Okay. Wonderful.

- Let the hunt commence.

- Huh?
- [trumpets]

[all groaning]

- what are you waitin' for?

Tally h*!

- [vocalizing]

- Groovy.

- All right, handsome,
enough rock and roll.

We are going
to a piano recital.

- [exclaims]

[indistinct chatter]

- [grunts]
- Golly.

This place is packed.

Ooh, how 'bout there?

- Great eye, honey.

- Ooh!
- Now for dinner and a show.

[chomping]

[discordant note plays]

- You'd better go get it.

- [chuckles nervously]

[grunts] I got it!

Huh? Ow!

[applause]

Aah!

- Oh.

- [groans]

- [chuckles nervously]
- [grunting]

- Oh, my.
- It's horrid.

- Oh, no, no, no.
It's avant-garde.

- Golden toilet delivery.

- Right this way, please.

How many gold toilets
does one king need?

- [grunting]

- Aah!
- Get back here!

[all yelling]

- Get back here!

- Huh?

- Apprehend
those starfish at once.

They're not rich.
They're imposters.

- Uh-oh pistachio.

[toilet flushes]
Hey, hey.

Don't ruffle the ruffles.

all: Huh?

[trumpets blare]

- Mm.

Who's pooping on my potty?

- Oh, your highness,

these commoners
snuck into your ball,

and I apprehended them.

- Commoners?
[grimaces]

- Uh, sorry,
Mr. King Neptune, sir.

I thought the invitation
as for you, I mean, me.

I-I-I mean for you.
- [gasps]

That's Patrick Star!

Oh, man, I love your show.

The whoopie cushions, genius.

Guards, unhand them at once.

DJ, play my jam!

- You got it, boss.

Huh? Ha, ha.
- [giggles]

[indistinct chatter]

- Let's take this party
to some place worse.

[cheers]

- Okay!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- [hums] Oh.

[cheering]

- [chuckles] Ooh.
- [vocalizes]

- [groaning]

[cheering]

- I am your biggest fan!
[laughs]

- What do you mean
I'm not on the list?

I know Patrick Star.

- Not on the list,
not gettin' in.

- [barking]
- Wha--

- Oh, Master Tinkle.
- [barks]

- [grimaces]

I am with the commode.

- Oh, of course.

My apologies. Go right ahead.

- Whoa! [chuckles]

Now, this is a ball.

Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo.