01x05 & 01x06 - Squidina's Little Helper/I Smell a Pat

[bunniefuu]

Hi! I'm Patrick Star

and I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

This is my mom!

(Chuckling)

This is my sister!

She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this

This is my show!

(Squidina snoring)

(Ringing)

(Yawning)

(Slurping)

I'm ready to get

this show on the road!

Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot!

Hm. Mm-hm.

(Grunting)

(Humming)

(Grunting)

(Humming)

(Snoring)

(Beeping)

(Banging gong)

(Screaming)

(Grunting)

Ooh!

Muffins!

(Munching)

Morning, big bro!

(Braying)

(Grunting)

Morning, little sis!

It's almost show time!

(Panting)

(Grunting)

Babies and gentlemen!

Oh, that's us.

Welcome to The Patrick Show,

starring

Uh

(Grunting)

(Gasping)

Me!

Me is Patrick!

(Cheering)

(Sighing)

PATRICK:

Squidina, I'm done with

the wild animal bit.

On it.

(Grunting)

(Growling)

(Roaring)

None of that on my set,

do you hear?

(Whimpering)

Good boy.

Hey, big bro.

Did that sea bear hurt you?

I don't think so.

Huh?

Why do you ask?

Look, you promised me 5000

clowns on Friday's Patrick Show.

So, you're going to get me

5000 clowns on Friday

for The Patrick Show.

I'm not clowning around!

(Sighing)

I'm getting too old for this,

Mrs. Stitchy Bottoms.

(Whistling)

(Groaning)

Another great show in the can,

huh, sis?

Sis?

(Sighing)

Squidina, what's the matter?

Producing

The Patrick Show every day

has got me burning

the candle at both ends.

Yeah, I hear you.

I think I need an extra

pair of hands around here.

Well, why didn't you say so?!

Here you go!

I meant we should

hire an intern.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's what I meant, too.

My hands! You found them!

Thank you, son. Thank you.

Now back to business.

Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.

Ew.

Next.

I'm here for

the intern interview.

(Groaning)

Mom!

Next!

I'm sweet.

Next.

(Chuckling creepily)

Next.

I said, next!

Oh, I didn't see

you there, um

Fenton Dinkle.

Right, Fenton.

Well, I see here that

you are younger than me

and shorter than me.

According to kid law,

that means you have

to do what I say.

I like TV.

Well, that settles it.

Welcome aboard.

Your training

starts tomorrow morning.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

(Squidina snoring)

(Ringing)

Huh?

(Gasping)

(Slurping)

Mm!

Huh?

Ooh, hot!

(Laughing)

(Fenton laughing)

(Both laughing)

(Grunting)

Hm?

(All laughing)

This is the operation's board.

Each lever performs

a necessary function

to keep The Patrick Show

running smoothly.

Hm.

This one, for example,

tosses the chainsaws to Patrick.

And this one moves

him to his next mark.

What's this one do?

(Grunting)

That's our slap stick lever.

We try not to overuse that one.

(Gasping)

Dead air?

We need a new segment asap!

Time for an idea brick!

Puppet ham!

Sounds like we're doing

a puppet show. Follow me.

(Grunting)

This secret crawlspace

runs all over the house.

It lets me stay off camera

while still getting me

where I need to go.

Ooh!

Who's a hungry boy?

Dig in so you can

grow up big and bristly.

(Laughing)

The puppets are this way.

Hello! Wake up you lazy puppets!

What's your guys' deal!?

Well, hello there, Patrick.

Welcome back to

the kingdom of Hamdonia.

Well, it's about time

you got here, King Porkchop.

I'm hungry!

You're always hungry.

Well, make with

the meat for my mouth.

(Groaning)

Fine. Aloysius!

Psst! Fenton!

Oh, okay.

(Grunting)

Eat the meat!

Ow! Hey!

You're pushier

than I remember.

Are you an imposter?

(Gasping)

Am I an imposter?!

I don't know

what's real anymore!

(Crying)

Thanks, that's it for

The Patrick Show.

(Sighing, mumbling)

(Grunting)

And that, Fenton,

is how you make a Patrick Show.

Any questions?

Yeah, who's Patrick?

(Grunting)

Oh, yeah! That guy.

(All laughing)

(Squidina snoring)

Huh?

(Gasping)

What the shrimp?!

Someone stole

my production equipment!

They stole my

soiled doily collection!

Ew.

They stole my face!

Eh?

Oh.

(Chuckling)

Who would do such a thing?

FENTON:

Good morning, Bikini Bottom,

and welcome to

The Crabina Show,

starring my big sister,

Crabina!

I'm Crabina.

Fenton!

He stole The Patrick Show,

and everything else we own, too!

Well, we had a good run.

(Yawning)

I'm going to take a floor nap.

A nap? We Stars don't

give up that easy!

Did I give up when

dinosaurs stole my lunch money?

I don't know.

Did I give up when

the barbarian horde

swept across the ocean,

and stole my lunch money?

I don't know.

Did I give up

when Martians invaded

and beamed me

onto their spaceship

and stole my lunch money?!

I don't know!

Of course I didn't!

How do you think

I bought this hot Sammy?

(Munching)

Now, let's go

get your stuff back!

Time for some pillaging!

ALL:

Yeah!

That's it, get his scent.

Lead us right to Fenton.

(Shouting)

(Growling, snarling)

(Sighing)

You did it! Good boy, Ouchie.

Time to show Fenton who's boss.

Charge!

(All shouting)

He's gotta he in here somewhere!

Find him!

(Screaming)

(Grunting)

(Shouting)

Huh?

(Laughing, applauding)

(Gasping)

We're here for our stuff,

Fenton.

Take it, the network

saw our show this morning,

and picked us up

for six seasons.

Yeah, The Crabina Show

is going global.

Besides, your stuff is

all smashed up anyway.

Huh?

(Grunting)

Great plan you had there,

Grandpat.

Ah, don't blame me

just 'cause you can't

pillage responsibly.

FENTON:

Welcome back to

The Crabina Show!

(Grunting)

(Stars laughing)

(Squidina groaning)

You can never have

too much slapstick!

(Laughing)

What's the matter, sis?

Are you sad that Fenton stole

our ideas and used them to

achieve television success

beyond our wildest dreams?

Maybe a little.

Well, I won't stand for it.

TV should only make you happy.

Come here, boy.

(Growling, snarling)

Sic 'em, Tinkle!

(Screaming)

(Barking)

(Both laughing)

Now, that's good television.

Oh,

hello there.

Welcome to another episode of

Patsterpiece Theatre.

Today we'll hear the story of--

(Grunting)

Ow!

This book's too hot to handle.

(Blowing)

Now, where did I put

today's story book?

(Snapping fingers)

Ooh, nope. That's a textbook.

Hm. Hm, hm.

Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah--

(Grunting)

I hate audio books.

(Grunting)

Aw!

Where is that dumb book?

(Tweeting)

Oh, aren't you cute?

Ow!

(Screaming)

Don't worry, me! I've got you!

(Grunting)

There I go.

Glad I bought

that self-help book.

(Grunting)

(Panting)

(Crashing)

Found it!

Today's story is

called Downtown Patty,

the Thrillifick Tale

of a Krabby Patty

Looking for Love.

Hm, boy meets grill.

(Grunting)

(Sniffing)

Where is that freaky

funky smell coming from!?

(Sniffing)

(Mooing)

(Belching)

That is horrible.

Not the right smell, though.

This smell is rank

with a touch of stank.

(Munching)

(Sniffing)

Nope, the smell is

more like a rotten egg

filtered through

wild strawberries.

(Sniffing)

Hm, close but it needs more

gorgonzola and seaweed.

Ah, phooey!

(Crying)

I can't host

the show until I know

where that freaky funky

smell is coming from!

What smell?

Ew!

You're right,

we've got to find it!

(Grunting)

(Giggling)

Welcome to another episode of

Patrick's Stench Safari.

I am mere seconds away

from discovering the source

of that freaky funky smell.

(Sniffing)

And I lost it!

Oh, nose caddy!

(Grunting)

What do you suggest, nose caddy?

I think this calls

for the Durante.

Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha!

(Sniffing)

Ooh, I smell it! Follow me!

(Both laughing)

(Grunting)

Hi, kids.

Want a taste of my dad stew?

(Sniffing)

Ah, this doesn't smell right.

Golly, did I forget

an ingredient?

(Both sniffing)

It's missing that

month-old leftovers aroma.

(Chuckling)

(Humming)

Hey!

Hm.

How's this?

(Both sniffing)

Needs more dirty laundry umami.

(Chuckling)

What about now?

Uh-uh.

Perhaps a pinch of trash.

Ah.

(All gasping)

This has got to be it.

(Sniffing)

Darn! That's not it!

I guess we lost the trail.

(Slurping)

(Retching)

(Growling)

Delicious!

This nose must be on the fritz.

(Groaning)

While Patrick

finds another nose,

enjoy this educational classic.

Hi, I'm Perch Perkins,

and today I'll be your guide

through the wonderful world

of snouts, snoots,

and schnozzes.

That's right, kids. Noses!

Follow me!

Whoa!

(Chuckling)

We begin in the factory

that's inside everyone's nose.

The olfactory.

Uh-huh.

Here, trained workers test

each sniff for smelliness.

(Groaning)

We end our tour

in the snot foundry,

where finely crafted

boogers are made.

This is Perch Perkins,

reminding you you can

pick your friends

and you can pick your nose,

but you can't pick

your friend's nose.

Whoa!

Ooh!

(Chuckling)

You're in the middle.

PERCH:

Ouch!

Excellent addition

to your booger box.

Mm-hm.

Now that you're done

digging for gold,

how about we find that smell?

Whoa!

(Trumpeting)

(Laughing)

Huh?

(Blowing)

Huh?

(Growling)

(Grunting)

Uh-huh.

(Popping)

Oh

I think the freaky funky smell

is coming from Grandpat's room.

It is possible.

Old folks collect lots of

interesting smells

over the years.

You're probably smelling

my drumstick hearing aid!

(Sniffing)

Don't think so.

Maybe my olive loaf shin guards?

(Sniffing)

Nah.

My pasta salad insoles?

(Sniffing)

Nope.

(Munching)

Phooey. The funky smell

isn't here either!

(Dinging)

(Gasping)

My trouser toast is ready!

(Trumpeting, sniffing)

Time to try

the stinkiest place of all.

The upstairs bathroom.

(Shuddering)

Tell Ouchie I love him!

You can do it, brother.

(Shouting)

Help!

I'm too dumb to die!

Patrick Star, what did I tell

you about teasing the toilet?

Oh, I was just trying

to find the funky smell.

Well, it's not Tinkle.

I give him a good

scrub every day.

Time for walkies.

(Humming)

BOTH:

Huh?

Limburger cheese

and baby powder!

That's our freaky funky smell!

We're getting closer!

Time to go high tech!

(Both laughing)

(Beeping)

(Sniffing)

Nope!

There it is!

(Sniffing)

(Sniffing)

Rude!

(Grunting)

(Groaning)

(Sniffing)

(Groaning)

(Sniffing)

That's strange.

Roses don't stink.

Huh?

Aw.

Oh, nice kitty.

Ah.

Ah! Darn it!

That wasn't it either!

Hold it! I smell something--

(Gagging)

--funky.

(Sniffing)

Flooded cellar

with a touch of mint.

We must be getting close.

It's coming from

Granny Tentacle's house!

I smell trouble.

Good! Trouble makes great TV.

(Sniffing)

Well, friends,

we've traced the wild freaky

funky smell to its source.

The dangerous den

of the wild granny.

(Doorbell ringing)

Oh, what brings you

precious youngsters

over for a visit?

For the 13th time this week.

We're hunting an elusive

aroma that seems to be

emanating from your house.

Wah!

Nope! Not here!

(Gasping)

Phew.

It's not here, either.

(Groaning)

(Sniffing)

Hm

(Sniffing)

(Groaning)

(Sniffing)

Mm! Maybe it's coming from

this ball of fossilized candy.

(Munching)

Nope. Not here.

(Gasping)

I smell it!

(Laughing)

(Groaning)

The smell is

coming from the oven!

(Both gasping)

Is that what I think it is?

I'm going to be sick!

BOTH:

Granny Tentacles is a cannibal!

Don't be silly, dearies.

I wouldn't eat anyone

from this neighbourhood.

That's just my

gorgonzola cabbage and eggs

with olives and pickle surprise.

Oh, yeah. I see it now.

I can definitely smell it.

Pee-yew!

Here, have a delicious

pickled cabbage cookie.

BOTH:

Uh, thanks?

Bye now, you precious darlings.

Live, my grocery Golem!

(Screeching)

Have a cookie.

Now, go forth

and crush my enemies!

Case solved, Squidina.

I guess the funky smell

was just Granny's cooking.

(Roaring)

(Laughing)

(Sniffing)

Pee-yew! What stinks?

♪