06x13 - El día de los muertos estupidos/Heartburn

[bunniefuu]

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Grim: [ laughs evilly ]

Mandy: no me gusta.

[ Tires screech ]
harold: [ imitates machine

g*n ]
mandy: I thought we were

Going out for a hamburger.

We've been in this car for
hours.

I get cranky when I'm hungry.

Billy: I get hungry when I'm
cranky!

We're like twins!

[ Belches ]
harold: well, we finally made

It to the flatburger
drive-through.

Hello!

We'd like to order three of the
number 2s, two of the number 1s,

One 4, two 6s, an 8, and a

Clown faces on them.

[ Tires popping ]
hello?

I'd like a number 2.

Ooh! With extra corn.

[ Screeching ]
harold: we're gonna be okay.

Mandy: I'm not going anywhere
near that tent.

Grim: but we'll die without
the tent.

Mandy: yeah, tough call.

Both: aah!

Billy: as long as we're
downwind, we're safe.

Harold: [ inhales ]
it'll be a good life, here in...

Mandy: mexico.

Harold: sure, little girl.

We can call it mexico.

Mandy: no, it is mexico.

Harold: better help her cope.

She's losing it.

Mandy: and I think I'm gonna
take my chances in the desert.

Billy: mandy, nooo!!

Grim: hard to believe we
missed that.

[ All yelling ]
grim: I love piã‘ata lajara.

It reminds me of home.

Mandy: it's called dia de los
muertos, the day of the dead.

The living welcome back the dead
by throwing a big party.

Billy: hey, we love the dead!

Mandy: right now I'd love
some lunch.

That is the greatest costume
ever!

Grim: it's no costume.

I am the grim reaper!

All: [ laugh ]
[ gasp ]

Grim: [ laughs evilly ]
all: [ scream ]

Billy: I love it when he does
that!

Mr. Reaper, it is truly an
honor.

My people are grateful for you
treating our spirits with care.

Thank you for joining us in what
may be the last dia de los

muertos... ever!

Mandy: why would this be the
last dia de los muertos ever?

Long ago, when coronado first
came to the new world to set up

His blanket factory, he stole
something very important to the

People of mexico.

Coronado took the golden spare
nose of chipotle, and he wore it

As his own.

[ Laughs stupidly ]
the spirits of our honor --

They demanded that we get the
nose back.

You better get that nose
back.

Aah!

Once we had frightened
coronado by dressing as the

Skeletons, we were able to honor
our ancestors by returning the

Golden nose of chipotle to the
pyramid where it belonged.

And there it rests to this very
day, guarded by the ghost of the

Very man who stole it.

So every year my people
celebrate the return of the

Golden nose by dressing like
you.

Grim: oh! Well, gosh.

Mandy: that still doesn't
explain why this is the last dia

de los muertos ever.

Oh, that's because of --
[ all screaming ]

Oh, that's because of --
[ all screaming ]

That is del uglio, the greatest
and ugliest luchadore in the

History of all time.

He wants to take the golden nose
of chipotle and use it to make

Himself less ugly.

If he takes the nose, the
spirits of our ancestors will be

Angered.

Mandy: why don't you stop
him?

Because he's got mad
wrestling skills.

He is unstoppable.

[ Roars ]
[ barks ]

[ Laughs evilly ]
billy: cool!

Can you sign my face and/or
butt?

Mandy: why are we doing this?

I don't care about the "day of
the dead" festival.

Grim: well, I do!

This is the only festival I got,
and I am not letting some

Two-bit, stupid, ugly mexican
wrestler take that away from me.

[ Growling ]
did you just say something to

Me?

Grim: [ stammering ]
did you just say something to

Me?!

Grim: [ whimpers ]
was it a compliment about my

Glistening pectoral muscles?

No, really.

It's hard to hear through this
mask sometimes.

Grim: uh, yeah, it was a
compliment.

Say, why do you wear that mask,
anyway?

Because, like all luchadores,
I am hideously ugly to behold.

That is why I must find the
other half of the map that

Leads to the golden nose of
chipotle.

A solid-gold nose with diamond
boogers inside will finally make

Me beautiful.

Mandy: okay, I'll bite.

Where's the first half of the
map?

It is also beneath my mask.

I was born with a mighty
birthmark on the back of my

Head.

Grim: huh?!

A map -- a map that leads to
the golden nose of chipotle!

It is said that my long-lost
twin brother has the other half

Of the map.

When I find him, I will find the
path to the treasure of the

Nose!

Billy: hey!

That looks like my birthmark!

Mandy: I think you stepped in
something.

[ Sniffing ]
billy: see?

I was born with a birthmark like
that, too.

This is awesome!

We're long-lost twin brothers!

I always wanted an ugly brother.

Hey, hermano!

Billy: uh, no.

Billy!

Ouch!

How could you, del uglio?

We are merely --
with the nose, del uglio will

Be del gorgioso.

Mandy: I think that's our
cue.

Grim: I think you're right,
mandy.

That's our cue to travel to the
haunted ruins of chipotle and

Recover the golden nose.

Mandy: no, I meant that was
our cue to go home.

Grim: not until I've saved
el dia de los muertos!

Billy: but how will we find
my brother?

He's got the map.

[ Groans ]
mandy: follow the luchadore.

[ Grunting ]
so close.

[ Laughs ]
it's about time.

You told me my pizza would be
here in 35 minutes, and it's

Been --
[ screams ]

I got...held up.

You are so totally not
getting a tip.

Whoa!

[ Laughs ]
can't catch me!

[ Yells ]

To the victor goes the spoils!

Grim: not so fast.

You are going down, del uglio.

Mandy: were the outfits
really necessary?

Billy: oh, yes!

Grim: give up the nose,
del uglio.

It is mine!

I need it to be handsome!

It is ours!

We need it for our festival.

Why don't you brats keep your
noses out of other people's

Noses' business?

Billy: but what about your
honor, del uglio?

What about the traditions of
your peoples...

Our peoples?

I have no need for honor.

I have no need for tradition.

I have the nose!

Billy: but the children of
mexico need it, my brother.

You don't need the nose.

Isn't my love enough?

Isn't my love ever enough?!

[ Wailing ]
you do not understand, little

Brother.

I am the ugliest man alive.

That is why I wear this mask.

Mandy: eww.

Now it is you who must
unmask.

You're the real grim reaper?!

Aah!

Grim: who knew it would be
that easy?

Mandy: jackpot.

Billy: guillermo!

Now you kids can have the...

"dia de los menthol" again.

All: yay!

Mandy: menthol, "shmenthol."

I'm getting a plane ticket home.

But those are diamonds.

Mandy: then I guess I can buy
my own jet.

Take me through the park,
bitterman.

Grim: well, el dia de los
muertos is ruined.

Billy: yeah, but I got a
brother!

Me too!

Harold: and I found the son
that I didn't even know I had,

Because it doesn't even seem
possible.

[ All singing in spanish ]
[ wind howls ]

[ Movie projector runs ]

Billy: [ laughs stupidly ]

I'm a dirty boy.

I'm a dirty...

I'm a dirty boy!

Mandy: billy, you've just
evolved a notch up the idiot

Ladder.

Billy: such biting comments,
mandy.

But now they'll bite you...

In the butt!

I call to the stand...

Mandy's mom and dad!

Phil: it's not that we don't
love mandy.

Claire: we love her very
much.

Phil: it's just that we're...

Kind of scared of her.

That's why we're hardly in any
of these episodes.

Claire: I'm usually too
afraid to even make eye contact.

Phil: when she was born,
wolves came to try and raise her

As one of their own.

Sometimes I wonder if we were
right to stop them.

Claire: where did we go
wrong?

[ Weeping ]
phil: shh-shh-shh!

It's okay.

Irwin: that's just ill, yo.

Why is he trying to eat her
face?

Okay, enough of this.

Call your next witness.

Mandy: eck!

[ Bell rings ]
billy: say, "colonel major

Cheese!"
All: aahhh!

Billy: [ laughs stupidly ]
[ chuckles ]

Give it to me!

Sell it, baby!

Work it! Work it!

Yeah, that's it.

Mmm-mmm.

That's gold!

Yeah! Give me some.

Yeah!

Say, "colonel major cheese."

Mandy: [ growls ]
billy: that's my camera!

Mandy: you got this out of
grim's trunk, didn't you?

Billy: it says billy!

I'm just not a good speller.

It's mine!

But geography is my life.

Mandy: right now your life
belongs to me.

Let's find grim.

Grim: ♪ oh
♪ I am the chicken,

And the feathers will fly ♪
♪ bok-bok-bok, bok-bok-bok-bok,

Bok-bok-bok-bok bok bok bok bok
bok bok bok-bok-bok-bok ♪

Aah!

Billy: say, "major colonel
cheese!"

Grim: oh! What? Stop!

I wasn't doing anything!

That better not end up on the
internet!

Billy: it's my new camera.

Grim: which looks a lot like
my old camera.

Mandy: billy stole your
camera.

Billy: it's new to me.

Grim: this is an underworld
"true heart" camera.

It takes a picture of a person's
most secret place.

Billy: the gizzard, hmm?

Grim: no, you mental
munchkin, your true heart.

It reveals the essence of who
you truly are.

Mandy: yeah...terrifying.

I'm gonna take some more
pictures.

Grim: beware!

The underworld "true heart"
camera will expose your darkest

Truth!

Destroy the film.

No one wants to see their true
heart.

Billy: and you should destroy
that shirt.

No one should see your true
fashion sense!

[ Laughs stupidly ]
grim: oh...

Irwin: ♪ c-c-colonel major
cheese makes me burp ♪

媻 colonel major cheese
makes me strong ♪

媻 but the best thing about
c-c-colonel major cheese

Is rappin' the corn
will make your cheese all, yo! 媻

[ Belches ]
oh, yeah!

Billy: hi, irwin.

Irwin: hi, billy.

[ Gasps ]
hello, my flower that never

Wilts, my song that never gets
old, my -- aah!

I'm blind, yo!

Aahhh!

I'll never see mandy again!

But your face is still etched on
my eyelids, yo.

[ Birds chirping ]
billy: [ laughs stupidly ]

Pretty.

Mandy: no surprises there.

This can't be right.

Your camera's broken.

Grim: no thanks to you.

[ Roaring ]
grim: aah!

Well, no surprises there.

Mandy: look at the next one.

[ Birds chirping ]
[ roars ]

Mandy: what does that mean?

Grim: wow!

It's been a long time since I've
seen one of those.

I think you should have a
heart-to-heart, or whatever that

Is that pumps your blood, with
irwin.

Irwin: ♪ rappin' along
with colonel major cheese ♪

媻 bendin' the knee
to the true mack daddy ♪

[ Breathing rhythmically ]
♪ he who makes the cheese puffy,

Yo, like gravity ♪
♪ whoo-hoo-hoo

Mandy: explain this.

There's a touch of evil in your
heart, a touch of cold, black

Evil that eerily, creepily,
disturbingly looks like mine.

Irwin: let me explain, my
pet.

[ Gasps ]
I'm not the man you see before

You, yo.

I have a secret past!

Turns out I was born bad.

What have I -- aah!

Irwin: I was bad at home.

And I was bad away from home.

[ Irwin gurgling ]
shh!

Aah!

See here, you screaming baby.

I hate it when people bring
babies on planes, and they claw

My face off.

Irwin: I was born bad, yo!

I'm a rebel.

Mandy: i, uh, respect you?

But it's just not possible.

Irwin: it's triggedy-true,
yo.

But I'm not bad anymore.

My daddy taught me all about
love and respect.

[ Roars ]
[ wails ]

Irwin: [ laughs ]
irwin, go give that pacifier

Back to that baby!

How would you like it if he
stole your mouse head

Collection?

Irwin: and through that I was
able to overcome my evil nature,

Yo.

My true heart grew three sizes
that day.

Mandy: sounds painful.

Irwin: once your heart begins
changing from darkness and evil

To peace-loving happiness,
there's no turning back, mandy.

No turning back, yo!

[ Birds chirping ]
mandy: if I respect irwin,

Then I'm in danger of losing my
true heart the way that he did.

[ Bird chirps ]
aaahhhh!

[ Groaning ]
pink and fluffy...

Billy: is she gonna be okay,
grim?

Grim: I don't know, billy.

Mandy's true heart is changing.

She might be okay, but she'll
never be the same.

There is only one way to turn
mandy back to normal.

Billy: then I know what we
must do.

We must go outside and play on
the seesaw.

Grim: good point.

Why would we want the old mandy
back?

[ Both laugh ]
billy: ya-hoo!

Yippee!

Mandy: such...good...friends.

No!

My true heart -- I'm losing it.

[ Roars ]
irwin: ♪ colonel major cheese

Makes me burp ♪
♪ colonel major cheese,

A fine dessert ♪
♪ colonel major cheese

Fools like art ♪
♪ colonel major cheese

Makes me fart ♪
mandy: colonel major cheese

Don't make you burp, silly.

Irwin: uh, mandy?

What did you say?

Mandy: I said...

Irwin: you're burning up, my
molten flower.

What's happened to you, yo?

Mandy: I said, "colonel major
cheese don't make you burp,

Silly."

Irwin: oh, mandy, I do burp.

I can't control it.

It just happens.

[ Birds chirping ]
like...love.

Mandy, your true heart is
changing.

Soon you'll be just like me, yo!

Mandy: irwin, i...

[ Beeping ]
[ roars ]

Mandy: I hate colonel major
cheese.

Irwin: I know.

Mandy: you do?

Irwin: I know everything
about you, mandy.

Mandy: okay, let's put aside
that bit of creepiness for the

Moment.

You knew what would happen when
you, you know.

Irwin: I love you just the
way you are, mean and surly.

Mandy: thank you.

And that's for kissing me.

Irwin: it ain't easy being a
player, yo!

[ Bell dings ]
[ crowd cheers ]