04x06 - Prank Call of Cthulu

[bunniefuu]

[Laughing]

[Speaking backwards]

[Telephone ringing]
what do you want, billy?

Ahem.

This is p.u. Poopenhauser,
and I am conducting

A national survey.

Tell me, do you smell
like dog doo doo

Or just look like it?!

[Laughter]
that's a good one, yo!

[Sighs]
billy, I know it's you.

I have caller i.d.

In fact, most people
have caller i.d.

They can tell
it's you calling them.

Tell mandy... I
think she's got...

Silky hair!

Shh!

I think she's on to us, irwin.

Uh, er... I am sorry, madam.

I do not know this billy
of which you speak of.

Mm-hmm.

Perhaps I can meet him sometime.

Hello?

Mandy?

You there?

[Doorbell rings]
go get the door, irwin.

All right.

But I still want to
breath heavy into mandy's phone.

[Screams]
that's odd.

Oops.

Looks like you guys
wet yourselves again.

Oh, man!

I didn't think anybody
noticed that.

Look out, irwin!

It's mandy!

Run for it!

She's gone crazy!

Don't leave me!

[Gurgling]
aagh!

Where are the boys at, honey?

Upstairs, playing
in billy's room.

Really?!

[Yawns]
you know, it's been awhile

Since we've had some...

Alone time together.

[Growls]
oh, harold.

Lay a nice wet
one on me, baby.

Now, that's what
I'm talking about!

[Screaming]
aagh! She's crazy!

Crazy!

Crazy!

What are you guys doing
so close together?

I'm not through
with you, billy.

Mandy, what are you doing
with that hose in my house?!

Turn that water off this
instant, young lady.

Thank...
Thank you.

Dad... What's caller i.d.?

Oh, that's easy, son.

It's what butt-ugly dogs
wear around their hairy necks

So that we know when they're
calling on the phone.

Like your mother-in-law.

Right, honey?!

Right?

Why didn't anyone ever
tell me my butt was so big?

[Telephone rings]
hello?

Hello, mr. Dad.

This is your doctor.

I'm calling to tell you
your brain is broken

And it has to be removed.

Billy, I know it's you.

Billy?

Who's billy?

It says here
on the caller i.d.

Curse you, caller i.d.

Curse you to heck!

Hey, there, little lady,
how you doing?!

No! Go away!

You're scary!

Yes, my rippling biceps
can be intimidating.

I hate you, grim.

Yet... You're so powerful.

Kiss me!

[Telephone rings]
always when I'm bathing.

This better be good, boy.

Well, howdy there, mr. Grim!

I am a member of the national
stupid head ugly butt committee,

And we have just nominated
you for president.

I have caller i.d. You know.

You still knew it was me?!

I even dressed up
as a stupid cowboy

So I wouldn't be recognized!

I hate caller i.d. So much!

It's ruining my life, grim!

My life!

My life!

Grim, I need to know
if there's a way to

Beat caller i.d.

I'm sorry, billy,
but almost every phone nowadays

Comes equipped with it.

Now, go away.

I have serious matters
to attend to.

Whoa!

Ooh!

[Sobs]
I need to find some way

Or something to beat caller i.d.

Dude, you should
totally check in there.

Ha.

Let's see...

A jar of pickled pixies,
a shrunken head,

Invisible underwear,
a dragon snout,

And a scroll of magic m*ssile.

Aagh!

There's nothing here
that will help me

To beat caller i.d.

I said nothing.

I said nothing will...
Billy!

What are you doing?!

Stay away from that phone.

But, grim,
I just wanted to see

If that phone had
caller i.d. On it.

Billy!

That is the most dangerous
phone in the universe!

But, grim, phones
are our friends.

They take us to magical places.

Hong kong, hawaii, japan,
greenland, iceland...

Alaska, guatemala,
jamaica, korea!

Hey, who's been calling
all these places?!

This is the phone of cthulu...
An ancient and terrible being

That can drive men mad
just by speaking to them.

If anyone ever made
a call on that phone,

It would awaken the ancient
slumbering creature

Known as cthulu.

And if he is awakened,
he will rise from

The murky depths
and destroy this world.

Uh, grim,
you're eyes are still on fire.

[Screams]
help me, billy!

Help me!

Quick!

Give me something
to put my eyes out with!

[Screams]
give me something else, quick!

[Screams]
here, grim.

Try this.

It burns!

It burns!

Here, grim.

Douse it with this.

[Screams]
[splash]

Aah!

Much better.

Hey, I wasn't done in there!

Come on, irwin.

It's down here.

Uh, I don't know, billy.

This kahlua guy
might not find prank

Calls very funny, yo.

First of all, irwin,
it's not kahlua,

It's kaka-doo-doo.

Second of all,
it doesn't matter

If he finds if funny or not.

It only matters
if it's funny to us.

Come on!

There it is, irwin.

The phone with no caller i.d.

Now, go!

Hello, is joe there?

[Man mumbling]
joe mama!

Billy, help!

[Screaming]
[burp]

Irwin!

Irwin, where'd you go?!

[Screaming]
what are you doing?!

No!

No!

[Rooster crows]
[whistling]

Dude, some crazy stuff
went on down there!

Ha!

The time allowed for you
to call has expired.

Please hang up and dial again.

Oh, no!

They didn't!

They did!

No!

[Sobbing]
all right, what's all

The screaming about?

Mandy, oh, you'll never
believe what happened!

Billy and... And...

His ugly friend,
they made a phone call

During the week.

And I only have a limited
amount of weekday minutes.

That's so evil, man!

And I know evil.

I'm the grim reaper!

Get ahold of yourself.

They were probably just playing
around with your phone

Making phony phone calls.

Where are they anyway?

Oh, I don't know.

They probably got
sucked through the phone

Into another dimension
beyond space and time

And yatta, yatta, yatta.

And we're all doomed if they
awaken the great cthulu

'Cause he'll probably
destroy the universe.

Let's go watch television.

Why didn't their
shoes go, too?

Shoes can't fit through
the phone, silly.

They're way too big.
Ooh!

We better go in after them.

Do we have to?

I mean, the world
is already doomed.

Why can't we watch tv instead?

Because "the grim
adventures of mandy"

Doesn't sound as good
as "billy and mandy"

Oh, I guess you're right.

[Ring, ring]
[beatbox sounds]

Hi, is this cthulu?

Uh, how 'bout two kids
who might have come through

The phone recently?

Say, don't spray it,
all right, buddy?

It's no use, grim.

I can't understand a word this
guy on the phone is saying.

He said, if we're talking
about the new interns,

We can find them
in the cafeteria.

You understood
what he was saying?

Not really,
but I'm pretty good at

Reading subtitles backwards.

It's no use, mandy.

We've searched for hours
and still can't find any

Sign of billy and irwin.

I say we just give up
and head on home.

Come on.

I'll drive.

First of all, we got sucked
here through the phone.

Secondly, we've only been
here for 5 minutes.

But let's face reality,
mandy,

We'll never find them.

We could look and look
and look and look and look!

But it's pointless, all right?!

Billy is nowhere to be found,
so we might as well give up

And call it a day.

Oh, hey, billy.

'Cause you're making me
miss my favorite show!

Aagh!

Yeah, I love that show!

To be continued.

What happened to my nose?!

Come on, grim.

I saw billy run in here
after you freaked out.

Yeah, I guess I should
be used to weird stuff

Coming out of billy's nose.

What'll you have, kid?

What do you got?

Well, we got goop!

We got glop.

We got goo.

We got schlop.

Some slime with slather.

Roast face with lather.

Whoa!

I'll take something gelatinous.

You got it, kid.

Thank you.

I'll take one of everything.

Cthulu's cafeteria.

I'm going for the calamari.

Let's just find billy
and get out of here.

Oh, all right.

Now, where could
that little loaf be?

Over there!

There's billy... I think.

Hey, mandy!

Hey, grim!

What's happened to you?

You look disgusting.

Well, I have to admit,
it is a bit of an improvement.

Ain't it sweet?!

Cthulu liked our
prank call so much

That he gave us a job
making prank calls for him!

I'm living the american dream,
mandy.

I'm doing what I love
for a living.

But you're nose looks
like a cuttlefish.

Chicks dig cuttlefish.

And your mouth looks like
a big, disgusting sucker.

Chicks dig...
Don't go there.

Yeah! Hee hee hee!

And I've got a tentacle
growing right out of my chest!

Hee hee hee!

Actually, I'm still
in the larval stage.

But if I keep eating
this crud...

[Screams]
I'll grow as big

And strong as irwin!

Irwin?!

Sure!

Yo, irwin!

[Screeching]
[gasping]

Aagh!

Hee hee hee hee!

He's very affectionate.

Aagh!

Down, boy!

Take your tentacles off me,
you freak!

[Snarling]
oh, yuck!

Ptui!

Oh, ouch!

Down, boy!

Knock it off!

Yo, irwin!

Stop fooling around with grim.

Lunch break is over, yo.

We're on the clock.

Back to work.

Chop, chop.

Aagh!

[Crash]
let's go, grim.

Lunch is over.

The calamari was
a little tough.

[Snarling, gurgling]
[phone dials]

Hello?

Hiya, papa!

No, wait! I mean... Hello.

Is that you, billy?

Who's billy?

This is kelly clarkson.

No way!

Oh, what can I do
for you, kelly?!

Do you have your
television on?

Why, yes! Yes, I do
have my television on!

So, how does it fit?

Ah ha ha ha!

[Snickering]
actually, it's a little snug.

I'm starting to chaff.

Who is it, dear?

It's kelly clarkson!

Isn't that great?!

Oh, my, yes!

Who's kelly clarkson?

Heck, I don't know.

Oh, my!

Now, this is weird.

Is it?

Hello?

[Grunting, panting]
oh, that's disgusting.

[Giggling]
you're in big trouble,

Young man.

I'll give you 5 minutes
to stop making that noise.

Oh! Aagh!

[Cheering]
[gasping]

[Screaming]
hello?

[Sniffle]
hey, pud'n,

Your nose is running.

You'd better catch it!

Ah ha ha ha ha!

Yo mama!

No, yo mama!

No, yo mama!

No, yo mama!

Please, baby, please.

[Snarling]
I'll k*ll you!

Loser!

♪ It looks like
it's endsville for endsville

The endsville we all love
was just a fluke

We have tentacles, sharp teeth,
and great big gills

But the sushi in this town
all tastes like puke

It looks like
it's endsville for endsville

The endsville folk
have really lost the fight

We have sunk into some
weird amebic ooze

So, flush it down
and don't forget to wipe ♪

[Toilet flushes]
[dialing]

This is getting out of hand.

We better put a stop to it.

Hello?

I'm with the united
methodologist salivation

Donation.

Do you have any small boxes?

That's it.

Grab him, grim.

Not yet.

I love this one.

Is that you, barney?

We're the peptic obsolarians.

Do you have any small boxes?

Oh, my!

[Snarling]
[laughing]

Now, grim.

Oh, very well.

Billy, let's go.

The fun is over.

[Laughing inanely]
on second thought,

Go on with your fun.

Ha ha.

I mean, who am i,
the fun police?

Ha ha ha.

[Laughing]
[shrieking]

Tickles.

[Shrieking]
aagh!

Oh!

Get 'em off me!
Get 'em off me!

Aagh!

Somebody answer the phone.

Answer the phone.

That's it!

Now, listen up, bonehead.

Here's the plan...

[Ringing]
billy's basement,

Monster speaking.

Monster?

What monster?

Heck, every basement
has a monster, fool.

Ha ha!

Huh?

Aagh!

Grim?

Are you there, grim?

Oh!

I'm here.

Now, remember the plan.

It's time I have a little talk
with this cthulu character...

And straighten a few things out
before he wipes out

The entire human race.

Just remember, never look
directly into the face of cthulu

Or he will drive you mad.

I'm plenty mad already.

Break time, mandy!

Let's have a cup of mud
and get really wired!

They let you drink coffee?

Nope, just mud.

[Gulping]
ah!

Enough!

You're gonna take me
to meet cthulu, see.

Sure, mandy, I'll take
you to meet cthulu!

But no more mud for you,
young lady.

Sheesh!

Save the human race?

Bah!

What do I care about
the human race?

I just want to watch
soap operas.

I love you, juanita!

[Snarling]
I never saw that coming.

Sliced it!

Right into the bog trap.

What do you call that?

A boggy.

Ha ha ha!

What do you call it?

A boggy!

Ha ha ha!

[Snorting]
that's him, mandy.

That's cthulu.

He sure is big and ugly.

Don't look directly at him,
billy.

They say it'll drive you mad.

I liked it.

Tee hee hee!

You dweebs stay close.

I'm going in.

Embrace the madness, mandy!

Hey, squid boy!

Whoa!

Double boggy!

[Laughs]
cthulu, you've gotta

Stop changing everyone
into tentacled freaks.

It's disgusting.

[Gasps]
uh-oh.

[Snarling]
foolish girl.

Don't you know?

Once the power of cthulu has
been unleashed into the world,

He cannot be stopped!

You're all doomed!

[Laughing]
so, eat her already, cthulu!

Yeah!

So we can move on!

To hole 3!

Your shoe's untied.

Huh?

I said, "your shoes
are untied."

[Screeches]
tie them good and tight.

We wouldn't want them
to come off.

[Dial tones]
[screaming]

We're all doomed.

[Telephone ringing]
I'm coming.

Doomed!

Come on, grim.

Answer the phone.

[Ring, ring]
hello.

Hey, squid boy?

It's for you.

[Grunting]
hello?

Who is this?

Aagh!

[Shrieks]
aagh!

[Shrieks]
aagh!

[Shrieks]
aagh!

Gosh, mandy!

How did you do it?

Yeah!

We're back to our normal
selves again.

I pushed the disconnect
button.

Cthulu is trapped in the phone
lines forever.

He'll never bother anyone again.

Now, all we have to do
is call grim, and have him suck

Us back through the telephone.

Doomed.

All doomed.

He's not answering.

I miss cthbbb-ulu!

[Snarling]
aagh!

Now that I'm the last guy
in this crazy place...

And you're the last girl,
you'll have no choice

But to go out with me!

Aagh!

Aagh!

Highland pizza.

Hello. I'd like to order
a large pizza with

Everything on it.

Uh-huh.

And with that crust
that got cheese in it.
Yeah.

And can I get pineapples
on it?

Uh-huh.
Is there an extra charge?

[Laughter]
uh-huh.

Ok, then, forget it.

Also, can you include
a diet soda?

That's extra.

[Snarls]
hello?

Hello?

Huh?

Aagh!