03x11 - Runaway Pants/Scythe 2.0

[bunniefuu]

- [Laughing]

- Smile.

Tomorrow will be worse.

- You're traveling
into another world...

A world of not only
the stupid and dumb,

But of the really stupid

And the unmercifully dorkish.

A world where it's ok
if you chew your toenails.

Your next stop:
the billy zone.

Welcome to endsville.

We're about to see
a strange tale

About a boy who
inspired a nation

With his pair of magical pants.

Meet billy's dad,

A hard-working,
loving family man.

- See ya, honey!
I'm off to work.

- But not too bright.

Meet grim.

- Put some pants on, man!

You're blinding
the whole neighborhood!

- The grim reaper himself...

Forced to befriend
two mere children.

- Hey! I'm not forced
to do anything.

I'm my own man, man.

- Grim, I need to make a diorama

Of the entire human
digestive system

By tomorrow morning.

The scissors and glue
are on my desk.

Get going.

- Oh.

[Muttering]

- Now meet mandy. She's a...

- Get that stupid thing
out of my face, or else!

- Uh, here's billy,

The boy who would
change a nation.

- Hi, mandy.

Ready for school?!

- Get lost.

- Hey, billy.

Hey, boo.

You guys all excited about

The president's fitness test
at school today?

I've been working out
all week for it.

Full abs and pecs...

Chest hair included, baby!

What do you think, mandy?

Yeow!

- Do the same thing with
your personality, irwin,

And we might have
something to talk about.

[Rumbling]

- Oh!

What a glorious day for school!

Right, son?

- Right, dad.

- Good luck on your
fitness test today.

Make me proud, son.

- Aagh!

- Incoming.

- [Screaming]

- Nergal junior.

- Hey, guys. What's up?

- Bye, son!

- You ready for the fitness
thingy at school today, junior?

- I don't have to
be ready, cousin,

'Cause I can change
my shape to make myself

As muscular and as fit
as I need to be.

See?

- That's the second-most
disgusting thing I've ever seen.

- Second?

- Race you to the bus stop.

- You're on!

- Wait up, guys!

I want to race, too!

[Gasping]

My legs!

My lungs!

- Face it, dweeb,
you're out of shape.

- It isn't true!

- Whatever.

See you at school.

- [Groaning]

- All right, you little maggots,

You're here for one reason,
and one reason only:

To be tested on how
unphysically fit

And out of shape
you piles of snot really are.

- What are you doing here, grim?

- Coach filberman had a slight
brush with me this morning

And is recovering
in the hospital...

From no exercise,
too many doughnuts.

So, I'm filling in
as substitute coach.

Anyway, let the test begin!

- [All straining]

- Almost... Got it!

[Panting]

- Pitiful.

- [Sighs]

That makes 715

Without even breaking a sweat.

- Very good, you little freak.

[Toot]

- [Straining]

- 4,009.

All done.

- Show off.

- [Straining]

Got to... Get... One...

Before head explodes!

One!

- Aah!

Sweet dreams are made of this.

- Grim, grim, I did it!

One sit-up!

Now, if you don't mind,

I'm gonna hit the showers.

- Yeah, go do that.

You smell like
a baboon's hind quarters.

You're all pathetic!

The whole lot of you!

If you were half
the mutant junior is,

Maybe you all would
have done better.

- That's telling 'em, grim.

- You, mandy, you're
the worst of them all!

- I don't do exercise.

Understand?!

- You, billy,
you're the worst of them all.

- Not the worst!

I can't let down the president.

- Billy, the president

Doesn't actually come
to these things.

- We have just one more test:

The 50-meter run.

- Oh, no.

I'm no good at running.

Just look at how
short my legs are.

- Too bad you don't
have powers like me.

Then you'd win for sure.

[Clock ticking]

[Ding]
- I know!

Junior, junior!

You can turn into
anything, right?

- I suppose.

- I need you to turn
into a pair of pants

That I can wear
so I can win the race.

- Billy, that's the stupidest...

Come to think of it,

That's probably the single-most
brilliant idea you've ever had.

- I know.

And I'm never gonna
have another one like it.

That's why we have to do this.

- I've never turned
into anything

Besides people before,
so stand back.

This is for the president.

- Let's race.

- Ok, you little monsters,

Here's the thing:

This is the final event of
the president's fitness test.

If you win, then good for you.

But if you lose...

- That's messed up, yo.

- Billy, I've never done
anything like this.

- Stop worrying.

There's no way we can lose.

- On your mark... Get set... Go!

- [Coughing]

- [Whistling]

[Humming]

You know, this whole
exercise thing

Is actually quite relaxing.

Oh! Oh! There's the finish line!

- And the winner is... Billy!

- Huh?! I think we were
supposed to stop back there.

- I can't stop, billy.

I told you that I'd never tried
anything like this before!

I can't stop running,
and I can't change back.

- Billy's out of control.

Somebody do... Some... Thing.

You're right.

He's gone.

Let's go sell his things.

- Aagh!

- Inklebert?

- Here.

- Melvina?

- Here.

- Billy?

- Aagh! Hi, ms. Butterbean.

Aagh! My runaway pants!
Help me!

- Good.

- Help! Help! My pants!

My pants!

- Guantanamera,
guantanamera.

We got a speeder.

I will pursue and apprehend.

[Siren]

- Pull over!

You're going 45 in
a 15-mile-per-hour zone!

I can't stop!

I'm running for the president's
fitness test!

- Man, that kid is
dedicated to fitness.

- Run, little piggy!

- Run!
- Whoo!

[Hooting]

- Are you happy now,
presidents?!

My thighs are chaffing!

- I can't breath!

- Let me get a chubby burger,
fries, and a vanilla shake!

- That'll be 8.75
at the front window.

Here's... Your order.

Thank you for choosing chubby's.

- [Burp]

- Today's kids are getting
fatter and lazier,

And why? Because none
of them care about

Being physically fit.

Isn't there any one child who
still believes in being fit?!

One?!

What the heck was that thing?

- It's the fitness lad!

He's completely
dedicated to fitness.

- Good afternoon.

This is news reporter lily white

Coming to you live with
an update on endsville's

So-called fitness lad

Who will not stop running until
he proves to the president

That being physically fit
is no laughing matter.

We caught up with
the fitness lad

On day 7 of his
cross-country run,

And this is what he had to say.

- I hate my pants.

- Fitness-lad-mania
is sweeping the nation

As millions... - He's a
charlatan! A cheat!

He's no hero!

Who in their right mind
would buy into this garbage?!

- [Cheering]

- This is indeed
a proud day for america...

As we've prepared to welcome
billy, the fitness lad.

- He's so dreamy.

- Run, billy, run!

- [Cheering]

- Billy, it is with great pride

That I present you with
the president's fitness award.

- And so billy and junior
kept on running.

Some say that they run
to this very day

Circling the world
till the end of time.

So, remember, one person alone

Cannot make a difference.

He needs a good pair
of pants beside him.

And what became of grim
and mandy, you ask?

- Um, excuse me.

Who are you?

- Well, I'm the narrator.

I tell the story.

- Well, stop making crud up.

This stuff never happened.

- Yeah! You're
a dirty, dirty liar!

Come on, boys!

- But, but...

I was just trying
to entertain people!

- Turn the camera off!

There's nothing to see here.

- [Banging, grunting]

- Aah!

Tending the garden
can be quite relaxing.

- Everybody run for your lives!

The grim reaper
is tending the garden again!

- Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Grim, we're bored.

We need something fun to do.

- Perhaps you should
try gardening. I...

- Boring!

- We want you to use your
scythe to open a cosmic rift

To someplace fun and creepy.

- Yeah!

And possibly deadly.

- Hmm.

Maybe a trip to the plane
of elemental fire

Would be a good break
from the doldrums.

- Make it happen.

- Very well.

Stand back.

- Yay!

- Behold the cosmic rift

That leads to the plane
of elemental fire!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

- [Whooping]

Wha-whoo!

- Strange.

Me scythe must be getting dull

From all that pruning.

It used to be sharper
than my rapier wit.

- So, this is the plane
of elemental fire.

- Ooh!

Now, that's a brat!

- Ow!

- Hey! My brat!

- Grim, you're crummy scythe
is a piece of crud!

- How dare you?!

My crummy scythe is not...

I mean, me scythe
is not a piece of crud.

- Is, too.
- Is not.

- Is, too.
- Is not.

- Is, too!
- All she needs is
a good sharpening

And she'll be good as new.

- Of course, you're
wasting your time

Sharpening that piece of crud!

- Why, you little...

- Where did all the pieces go?

Whoa!

Look at the light!

- Power tools in the dark?

Darwin should be paying
you g*ons a royalty.

- Grim just shattered
his piece of crud scythe

Into itty bitty pieces.

- I must take it to f
in the underworld at once.

Only he can repair it.

- And who is this f?

- F is in charge
of all the top-secret

Reaping gadgets
of the underworld.

- Oh, and just how would do we
get there without the scythe?

- That's why I always carry
this little black card.

Come along then.

Level f, boy,
and make it snappy.

- You got it, mack.

[Clicks tongue]

[Laughing maniacally]

Here you go, mack.

Level f.

- Oh!

It's the grim reaper.

We haven't seen you in ages.

To what do we owe this honor?

- I busted me scythe, man.

- And small wonder, man.

How long have you had this...
This, uh...

- Piece of crud!

- Right!

So, how old is it then?



- 2,000.

- We've made a few innovations

Since the first century,
mr. Reaper.

Allow me to show you a few
of our latest gadgets.

This is where we create
all the top-secret

Magical reaping devices.

- It really has been
a long time.

- Now, I shall reveal
the never-before-seen

Super-top-secret all-terrain
grim reaping vehicle...

Good on land, sea, or air.

I call it the doom buggy.

- Hey, mandy, hey, grim!

Check out my happenin' hoopty!

- But where did he?

But how did?

But...

Just don't you touch
anything, young man.

- Duck!
- Duck!

I say!

- That's telling him.

- I don't wanted a blasted
all-terrain doom buggy.

I only want me scythe repaired.

- But it's positively ancient!

You simply must let me show you
a more up-to-date model.

Step right this way.

Introducing scythe 2.0.

[Whistles]

- Hello, mr. Reaper.

I've been expecting you.

I am scythe 2.0,

The next generation in reaping.

I come with more than 1,000
blades standard.

- Eh? Eh?!

- Ooh!
- Whoa!

- I have integrated pda,

E-mail capabilities.

- And what?

- And a non-stick surface

So that the gore
just slides right off.

- Sweet!

Scythe 2.0 is definitely
not a piece of crud!

- Very impressive.

But I like me old scythe.

It's a classic.

I've had it forever.

- Not to worry.

I'll fix up the old classic
good as new.

In the meantime, you take
this baby out for a spin.

If you're not
completely satisfied,

Bring her back.
- Deal.

- Excellent decision,
mr. Reaper.

- Excellent!

- Excellent!

- You'll love it!

Ta-ta for now.

- So, fire up the 2.0
and take us home.

- [Whooping]

- Grim, what are you doing?

- Just polishing me scythe.

- Time to put that
freeloader to work.

I want you two
to hoe the garden,

Trim the bushes, edge the lawn,

And spread some manure.

Unclog the toilet,
pluck the chickens,

Wash the car,
carve a totem pole,

Scrap grandma's bunions,

Gut the trout,
julienne the carrots,

Shear the sheep,
trim my toenails,

Exfoliate billy's nose,
cut the cheese,

Engrave my commemorative plaque,

And build me a monument
to my hatred

Of all things small and furry.

Chop, chop...
Or there'll be no video games.

- Hmm!

- Surely she's joking.

- I'm afraid not.

- But you're not going
to do as she says.

After all, you're
the grim reaper.

- Ha ha ha ha!

Certainly not!

- Phew!

- That's what I have you for.

- Me?!

- Have you finished
your chores, grim?

- 2.0 is doing them.

I put her on autopilot.

- Grim, I really feel
that you haven't been

Treating me with proper respect.

Oh, uh, here's the lemonade
you ordered.

- [Slurping]

- I was never meant to be
used as a hedge-trimmer,

A drain-cleaner,
or a depilatory aid.

I was meant to carve
a swath of despair

And destruction through
the world of men,

To blacken the skies
and redden the seas

Leaving nothing behind
but entropy

And uncomfortable silences.

- Yeah, yeah, be quiet.

One of these guys is
gonna win $1 million

For milking a goat
with his mouth!

[Laughter]

[Woman screams]

- Hello?

- Hello, mr. Reaper.

- Where are you?

- That's not important.

I know my purpose, mr. Reaper.

You are obviously obsolete.

- I beg your...

- Your work ethic
is poor at best.

I don't need you
to help me reap.

So, I am leaving you
to pursue my own career,

Starting with those rotten kids.

- What is it, grim?

- Oh, nothing.

- Bye, mom!

[Whistling]

- I've got you, you little fool.

- ♪ Oh, I'm just a fool
who's going to school ♪

♪ To do do do do
do do do do do do ♪

Hey, mandy!

Wait up!

[Tires squeal]

- Whoa!

- You won't get away
so easy this time.

Oh, no.

You're mine.

- [Whistling]

Did you ever have that feeling

That you were being
followed by something

Menacing and really scary?

- No.

- Yeah, me neither.

Scythe 2.0!

And I think he's lost his head!

- A fortuitous metaphor, billy!

But I'm not the one
who's losing his head.

- Let me rephrase that.

[Engine roars]

- I won't tolerate any
freelancing in my territory.

So, you might as well
come quietly.

- You're no match for me
without your scythe, reaper.

- I'll take that as a negative.

Ha!

I've got you now, you traitor!

- Not so fast.

- Now, that's not fair!

- Your days are over, reaper.

You have become obsolete.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Is that a good
thing or a bad thing?

- Ha!

Wretched children.

That stupid old grim reaper
can't protect you now.

I am fully automated.

I lack compassion.

And I will have your heads.

[Thunder]

- You keep away from those kids!

If anyone is going
to have their heads,

It's going to be me!

- No!

This can't be!

No!

- Whoa!
- Whoa!

- Anybody need a lift?

- No, thanks.

We don't take rides from... Grim!

The doom buggy!

And you got your
own scythe back!

- It's about time.

- Yeah, we were almost goners.

- No worries.

I wasn't about to let
that upstart scythe

Take me job away.

- So, what happened
to scythe 2.0?

- Let's just say... I
had her reassigned.

- Ouch!

This new razor
is a piece of crud!

Will scare the life
out of a normal person.

Oh, maybe it's
the living daylights.

Anyway, it's very scary!

- [Snarling]

Huh?

[Screams, sobs]

- Well, now.

My word!

- Pathetic.

- I say.

Is she one of ours?