03x31 - The Queen Who Came in From the Cold

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

Sorry to wake you, Dinah. I know I'm not
supposed to be back from the movie yet.

I wouldn't be. Except that when
Kim and I got to the theater,

the movie was already half over.

Kim was so mad.

She said it was my fault
for getting the show time wrong.

I said I couldn't have gotten it wrong.
The theater must have changed the time.

Anyway, we got into an argument.

And our fun day at the movies
turned into a crabby car ride home.

Well, I may have missed the movie.

But there are other places
I can go to have fun.

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here
On the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

Let's see. What's a three-letter word
meaning leap, bound or jump?

Hm. Oh, that's easy. It's--

Outrageous.

No, I think it's "hop."

Outrageous has-- Uh, let's see. [mutters]

-Ten letters.
-I'm not talking about crossword puzzles.

I'm talking about
the letters to the editor.

Oh! Outrageous.

"Dear editor, I think the Queen's
new tax on tennis ba*ls is terrible."

[gasps]

"Dear editor, the Queen's new shopping
cart license plate tax is unfair."

-Why?
-[gasps]

"Dear editor, the Queen's
new toaster tax is totally trivial."

[gasps]

Gee, Your Majesty, it sounds like
you have a lot of unhappy subjects.

Not a lot. Just one.

The letters are all from someone
named Anonymous.

Uh, Your Majesty, anonymous isn't a name.

Anonymous means
they're not saying what their name is.

Or names. Ah.

Well, we'll see about that.

I'm calling the editors of this newspaper
to get the true story.

The whole scoop,
the real lowdown and the straight skinny.

[keypad beeping]

[line dialing]

-Wonderland Bee, how may we help you?
-This is the Queen.

I want the name
of the anonymous chucklehead

who's been writing all the letters.

I'm sorry, but we cannot reveal that.

If we told you
who the anonymous person is,

or persons are,

then it wouldn't be anonymous anymore.

That could be very confusing
to our readers.

Oh, harrumph!

How am I supposed to get crabby at someone
if I don't even know who he is?

Gee, Your Majesty.

Maybe instead of worrying
about who wrote the letters,

you can figure out why they wrote them.

Yes, yes.

After all, you have been
making new taxes lately.

Perhaps you should, uh...

[chuckles] reconsider.

-Reconsider?
-[whimpers]

You mean think again
and maybe change my mind?

When pigs have wings!

If I reconsider,
I might have to admit I'm wrong.

And that is not an option.

Of course. What was I thinking?

Oh! This is hopeless.

I said it before
and I'll say it again, harrumph!

[blues music playing]

♪ Harrumph ♪

♪ Hey, listen now and listen good ♪

♪ Wonderland runs the way it should ♪

♪ And I don't want every bit column ♪

♪ To be complaining about every harrumph ♪

♪ Oh, harrumph ♪

♪ Anonymous letters written to the Bee ♪

♪ Harrumph, they have names, let me see ♪

♪ The whole situation
Has me down in the dumps ♪

♪ To those letter writers I say harrumph ♪

♪ Harrumph ♪

♪ Fair new taxes, that's the way it goes ♪

♪ If they write letters
Let their names show ♪

♪ Harrumph ♪

♪ Who are these people? ♪

♪ Oh, harrumph ♪

Reconsider?

Ridiculous.

Change my mind?

Preposterous.

Admit I'm wrong?

Get serious.

There's a first time for everything.

In fact, why not start by admitting
you were wrong about the new catnip tax?

That sounds suspiciously like a complaint.

You wouldn't be
the anonymous letter writer, would you?

Me? I don't even own a typewriter.

Oh! You could have written it by hand.

But I don't have hands, I have paws.

Hm. Okay, you're off the hook for now.
But I'll be keeping my eye on you.

-Ha, ha! Not if I can help it.
-Hold it.

You know, your being invisible
might come in handy for me.

I don't suppose you could
find out which of my subjects

are the anonymous complainers?

But it's dishonest to spy on people.

So, what's your point?

If you wanna find out
who's complaining about your taxes,

why don't you just ask around?

Oh, please.
Nobody would dare complain to my face.

Unless they didn't recognize it.

You mean wear a disguise, go undercover,
dressed as somebody else?

Yeah.

It just might work.

Wait, why are you
suddenly being so helpful?

I'm not.

I think it would be funny
to see you in a goofy costume.

-[cackles]
-Oh, Cat.

He may think it's funny, but I'm the one
who's gonna have the last laugh. [laughs]

Hi, Mr. Hatter, Mr. Hare, Dormouse.

-Hi, Alice.
-Aren't you having tea today?

Tea? You must think I'm made of money.

Boy, I thought Hatters were made of snips
and snails and puppy dog tails.

We can't afford to have tea
because of the Queen's new tea tax.

Tea tax? I have to pay money
to have a cup of tea?

-That's right.
-That's silly.

That's true.

Tea is taxed at the rate
of one wobuck per cup.

Plus 25 cents each
for adding cream, sugar or honey.

That's not fair. You shouldn't have to pay
to have tea with your crumpet.

-Oh, there's a crumpet tax too.
-A donut tax.

-A muffin tax, bagel.
-A biscuit and bun tax.

Even a cheese tax.

It's a very taxing situation.

[rock music playing]

♪ It's a taxing situation ♪

♪ It's a taxing situation ♪

♪ There's a tax on work ♪

♪ There's a tax on play ♪

♪ There's even a tax
On certain things that you say ♪

♪ She's taxing left, she's taxing right ♪

♪ She's even taxing day and night ♪

♪ There's a tax on carrots ♪

♪ There's a tax on tea ♪

♪ I believe there's a tax on you and me ♪

♪ She's taxing this, she's taxing that ♪

♪ She's even taxed my handsome hat ♪

♪ There's something not quite right here ♪

♪ It's getting out of hand ♪

♪ Before we all go broke here ♪

♪ We should take a stand ♪

♪ It's a taxing situation ♪

♪ We pay and pay and pay ♪

♪ It's a taxing situation ♪

♪ There must be another way ♪

♪ It's a taxing situation ♪

♪ Causing frustration ♪

Gee. Now I see why the paper
has been full of anonymous letters.

Gee. Now I see why the paper
has been full of anonymous letters.

Excuse me.

[dramatic music playing]

Did I hear someone mention
anonymous letters?

Maybe you did, and maybe you didn't.

Who wants to know?

I do, you chuck--

Uh, I mean, just little old me.

And you are?

Who am I? Uh...

[stammering]
That's easy. My name is, uh...

Lorraine. Yes, that's it.

-Lorraine.
-Nice to meet you, Miss Lorraine.

Oh, wait.
Is Lorraine your first or last name?

Oh, it's my first name.

My last name is, uh... Quiche.

Lorraine Quiche.

I like it.

It reminds me of a mixture
of eggs and cheese

cooked to just the right texture
in a pastry shell.

Anyway, I'm the Mad Hatter,
this is the March Hare and Alice.

Hello. I'm sure you can tell
I'm new to Wonderland.

It seems like a great place
except for all the taxes.

It must make you crabby.

[groaning]

Crabby enough to do something?

-Sure.
-Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Crabby enough to write anonymous letters
to the newspaper?

Oh, come on.

They say Hatter and Hare know everything
that goes on in Wonderland.

In fact, I hear there's a secret group
who oppose the Queen.

You know, an underground. Is it true?

Well, I really shouldn't tell you this.

But you've got an honest face,
so here's the deal.

There is no underground,
but there is an overground.

An overground?
Oh, why do you call it that?

Because we meet upstairs.

In fact, come by in one hour,
and you'll hear all about those letters.

Oh. Thanks. I think I'll do that.

I don't know, Hare.
Are you sure we can trust her?

It's not as if the Queen
has cleverly disguised herself,

so she can infiltrate and discover
who has been writing the letters.

That would be pretty far-fetched.

-Welcome aboard, Lorraine.
-Thank you.

Is this your whole group?

We're still waiting
for our fearless leader.

And let me tell you, he is tough,
he is smart, he is brave.

He's also a little clumsy,
but we try to overlook that.

He's your fearless leader?

Uh, don't let
the cute fuzzy face fool you.

This bunny is as tough as nails.

Rabbit, this is Lorraine Quiche.
She's new to Wonderland.

Oh! Uh...

[stammering] Hel-- Hello.

So then, I take it you've been
told about the silly taxes

the Queen is forcing us to, uh... pay.

I wouldn't, uh, call them silly, exactly.

Good point. Those taxes aren't just silly.

I'd say they're unnecessary,
unreasonable and unfair.

-Tell truth.
-Yeah.

However, I must report that
the Queen does not wish to reconsider

making us pay the taxes.

Then I say we keep writing these letters.

That's right.

Well, I say, we all tell the Queen
what we think to her face.

We appreciate your enthusiasm.

But as the Queen would say,
"That's a chuckleheaded idea."

[laughing]

How dare you?

I mean, why?

You don't know her.
That woman has a temper.

Oh. Well, what about you, Rabbit?

You could say something to her.

After all,
you claim to be the fearless leader.

Well... [chuckles] Ahem.
I may be fearless, but I'm not stupid.

So you all disagree with her,
but none of you has the nerve to tell her?

That's about the size of it.

Maybe Lorraine is right.

Maybe we've been anonymous too long.

Maybe we should have
the courage to say what we believe.

Maybe we should march up to the Queen
and give her a peace of our mind.

-Nah.
-No, no, no.

[chattering]

Excuse me. I hate to ask you to move,

but that bench
is my favorite place for a cat nap.

Tough tootsies. I was here first.

Wait. I'd recognize
that crabby voice anywhere.

Wow, Your Majesty.
That's a great disguise.

So have you found out
who's been writing the letters?

Oh, I found out,
but they didn't admit it to me.

They admitted it to Lorraine Quiche.

-Hm?
-My disguise.

Uh, why didn't you just yell,
"A-ha," or "Got you"?

Then reveal your true identity.

Because then they'd know
I was spying on them.

I don't mind being sneaky,
I just don't wanna get caught at it.

Besides, I went through a lot of trouble
to put together this disguise.

And I don't wanna blow my cover
the first time I use it. Oh!

I need them to willingly admit
who they are to the Queen.

That way, they won't be anonymous.

I won't have to put up with any letters.

But they're probably afraid
to disagree with you--

Uh, the Queen in person.

That's because
their fearless leader is a big chicken.

Maybe it's time they had a new leader.

Someone who's smart. Someone who's tough.

Someone who looks great
in a tailored jacket,

a stylish hat
and a smashing pair of pumps.

-[gasps] You mean...?
-That's right.

Lorraine Quiche.

The one person in Wonderland
who's not afraid of the Queen.

Hi, Lorraine.
Wanna help us write some letters?

No. In fact, I say we can't afford
to be anonymous anymore.

Oh, no! The Queen put a tax on that too?

No.

I mean, that we have to stand up
for what we believe.

I say we go see the Queen right now.

Sorry, we can't.
It's our fearless leader's nappy time.

Well, I say it's time
for a new fearless leader, me.

Nothing against Rabbit.

But what's the point of having
a fearless leader who's not fearless?

I'll tell the Queen what I really think.

[gasping]

You're actually willing to face the Queen?

If I couldn't face her, then I wouldn't be
able to look myself in the mirror.

And I mean that literally.

She's got my vote.
I'm tired of being an anony-mouse.

I agree.

If Lorraine is that brave,
then I'll stand behind her.

Safe distance behind her.

But behind her all the way.

[pop music playing]

♪ We'll be bringing up the rear
As she leads the way ♪

♪ To talk to the Queen
About the taxes that we pay ♪

♪ She's our new fearless leader
That's why we say ♪

♪ We're behind her all the way ♪

♪ We'll be bringing up the rear ♪

♪ As she leads the way ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ To talk to the Queen about ♪

♪ The taxes that we pay ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ She's our new fearless leader ♪

♪ And that is why we say ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh! ♪

♪ We're with her 100% ♪

♪ We're behind her all the way ♪

♪ Whoa, yeah ♪

♪ She's our new fearless leader ♪

♪ And that is why we say ♪

♪ Well, well ♪

♪ We're with her 100% ♪

♪ We're behind her all the way ♪

That's the spirit. We'll stick together.

Now tell me
why you dislike the Queen's taxes,

so I can really let her have it.

Well, she's taxed so many things,
we can't afford to have fun anymore.

How true that is.

But what the Queen doesn't realize
is the taxes are hurting her.

Hurting her? How?

Take the croquet tax.

Because of it,
only the Queen can afford to play croquet,

except she won't be able to
because she can't play by herself.

Oh, but croquet is my favorite--

I mean, her favorite game.

And because of the new tea tax,

I can't afford to invite
the Queen to my tea parties ever again.

-[chattering]
-Because of the cheese tax,

I can't afford to make the Queen
my special cheesecake.

-[chattering]
-Gee, I never--

The Queen probably
never thought of it like that.

She will, once you tell her.

What are we waiting for? Let's go!

Let's go!

No, no--
Actually, uh, maybe I should go alone.

I'd hate for the Queen
to be angry with all of us.

No can do.
After all, you said it best, Lorraine.

-We've got to stick together.
-Safety in numbers!

But Alice and Rabbit aren't here.

-We can't stick together without them.
-Then we'll find them.

Miss Quiche, we'll meet you
in half an hour at the palace gates.

-Come on, guys!
-Yeah. Let's go!

[cheering]

Oh, harrumph! Harrumph!

Thirty-eight, 39--

Oh, hello. I'll be with you in a moment.

Forty, 41, there.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

But I have to pinch my pennies these days.

The Queen's mushroom tax, you know.

I know. Oh!

Allow me to introduce myself.

The name's Quiche. Lorraine Quiche.

I've come because I hear you give advice.

Yes. And my advice is free.

At least, until the Queen figures out
how to tax that too.

Oh, can we not talk about the Queen?
I'm the one with the problem.

Sorry. How may I help you?

Oh, okay. Here it is.

Uh, what do you do when
you disagree with someone,

but then you realize that you don't...

and, in fact,
you were the one who was wrong,

but you don't wanna admit it
because you've never admitted it before,

and the very idea
gives you the heebie-jeebies?

Uh...

Perhaps this story will be of some help.

This is a tale of a bat and bird
who lived in a tall tree.

The bird had her nest
in the high branches,

and the bat lived in the hollow trunk.

But they were not friends.

The bat complained
that the bird kept him awake all day.

And the bird complained
that the bat kept her awake all night.

Finally, their neighbors complained
about all their complaining.

So the bird and bat
each decided to do something.

The bat bought sunglasses
to make the day look dark,

so he could stay awake with the bird.

And the bird bought a light,

so she could see at night
and stay awake with the bat.

But they had simply switched places,

things were no better than before.

Then, as they were about
to complain again,

the bat and the bird realized something.

At least each of them
was thinking of the other one first.

So they decided on a new plan.

One week,
they both would stay up all night.

And the next week,
they both would stay up all day.

Not only did they
each finally get some sleep...

but from then on,
the bat and the bird were best buddies.

So you see,
friends don't simply think of themselves.

Sometimes, that means admitting
when they make mistakes.

But if I admit I made a mistake,
I'll look silly.

And if I look silly,
no one will want to be friends with me.

On the contrary, Lorraine.

If you can admit when you're wrong,
people will admire you all the more.

Hm...

Well, it sounds bogus to me,
but I'll think about it.

Thanks for the story.

I can't quite put my fingers on it,

but Lorraine reminds me of someone.

Someone...

other than Lorraine.

[chattering]

Listen, I know you're anxious
to talk to the Queen.

We've all got lists of complaints
as long as our arms.

No more ping-pong tax.

[stammering] Down with carrot tax.

Don't forget to buy a quart of milk
and some more paper towels.

Sorry, wrong list.

Before you present your lists
to the Queen,

I ask that you let me talk to her alone.

I thought we were all in this together.

[chattering]

We are, but it's my duty
as your leader to go first.

Ah. I'll call you if I need you.

Wow, there goes the bravest woman
in Wonderland.

Your Majesty.

The name's Quiche. Lorraine Quiche.
I'm new to Wonderland.

But I think I speak for all your subjects
when I say your taxes are unfair.

What? How dare you speak to me like that.

By the way, those pumps are very stylish.

Thanks. But just because
we agree on fashion,

doesn't mean
we agree about your silly taxes.

Hear that? Lorraine is one tough cookie.

I can just imagine the look
on Her Majesty's face.

Listen, you may be the Queen,
but I'm not afraid of you.

Well, you should be.

Well, I'm not, so there.

Ha! I'd like to hear the Queen
argue with that.

-[laughs]
-Shh!

Do you expect me to admit I was wrong
to make everyone pay these new taxes?

If you're as sensible,
kind and intelligent as you look,

that's exactly what you'll do.

Well, you talked me into it, Lorraine.
I was completely wrong.

Lorraine?

Your Majesty?

Um, I think you're both right.

Do you know what this means?

Yes, that the Queen has opted
for a really spiffy new hairstyle.

No, it means...

she's been by spying on us.

Uh... Oh! [stammering]

Spying is such an ugly word.

I prefer to think of it as, uh, spending
quality time with my subjects in secret.

Okay. Uh, I was spying.

-So sue me.
-[groaning]

The important thing is,
I'm getting rid of the taxes.

[gasping]

After reconsidering,
I realize I was wrong.

You mean it?

-No more tea tax?
-Or hockey puck tax?

-Or finger painting tax?
-Or bowling pin tax?

That's right.
After all, what kind of queen would I be

if I couldn't admit it when I make
an eensy-beensy, tiny-teenie, itty bitty--

Incredibly unfair goof up?

The point is, with the taxes gone,
everyone can afford to be friends.

[pop music playing]

♪ We can afford to be friends ♪

♪ Spend more time together ♪

♪ Enjoy these dividends ♪

♪ And we won't have to pretend ♪

♪ We've got good times ahead ♪

♪ Just around the bend ♪

♪ We'll do those things we like to do ♪

♪ Without having to argue ♪

♪ Which can be very taxing ♪

♪ This way is much more relaxing ♪

♪ We can sing and dance the day away ♪

♪ We can do this every day
Without that excess tax ♪

♪ We'll drink more tea
And eat more snacks ♪

♪ We can afford to be friends ♪

♪ We can afford to be friends ♪

♪ Friends ♪

You know, Dinah, maybe I better check
that movie time again.

Uh-oh.

Kim was right.

I read the schedule
for the movie playing next door

to the one we wanted to see.

Hm...

I guess I should call Kim
and admit it was my fault.

And if she wants
to try to go again tomorrow,

I think I'll suggest
we check the movie schedule together.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪