03x04 - Happy Huggy Stuffy Bears/Secret Decoder Ring

[bunniefuu]

- [Evil laughter]

[Howling]

- As you value your life
or your reason,

Keep away from the morgue.

- Oh. I'm so bored.

- I know. I've been watching
billy pull stuff out of his ears
for two hours now.

And the worst part is,
I can't stop watching.

- Did he find me keys?

- Check the pile.

- Doh! A secret cave!

Ha! Mandy, I found it!

I do have a brain.

Hi, brain.

I missed you.

- Ooh. That's just wrong
on so many levels.

- I don't know.
Makes sense to me.

- Come on, tv,
you're our only hope.

- I have a bunion
that looks like abe lincoln.

- Baklava!

- Wait! Turn it back!

- Are you bored?
Nothing to do?

- My life is empty.

- Why not fill your life
with toys?

Since the dawn of man,
toys have entertained
thousands of children,

And if you get to the endsville
mall in the next 4 minutes,

You'll get a free
happy huggy stuffy bear.

- Wait! Something was said.

Something good.

Was it peanuts? No.

Something was free.

Was it free peanuts?

No.

Peanuts are never free.

What was free?

- Free toys!

- Free... Thoys?

- Free toys.

- Free boys.

- Free toys!
- Wait.

Here it comes.
Here it comes!

Wait for it... Free toys!

Free toys! Free toys!
Free toys! Free toys!

[Horns blaring]

So then I was, like,
free toys, yeah!

Free toys! Free toys!
Free toys! Free toys!

- So come on down!
-Free toys! Free toys!
Free toys!

Hello, free toys!

- Oh, why can't it ever be
free severed heads?

- What is it about malls
that turn people into
slack-jawed idiots?

- Toys! Toys! Toys!
Toys! Toys!

Hey, a plaguey peggy doll
with bubonic grip.

I always wanted one, but mom
said dolls were for girls.

[Squeak]

Oh, what a good dolly.

- [Children's voices]

- Where's billy?

- Hey, mandy!

- Billy, they gave you
a happy huggy bear costume?

- Uh-huh.
Sort of.

- All right,
here's your free toy.

- Ooh! My own
happy huggy stuffy bear!

Oh, I love you so much.
I love you!

Yes, I do!

Yes, I do!

- Wait here a second.

[g*n c*ck, g*nsh*t]

That's not a toy, billy.

- He's covered in goo!
- Ha ha!

[g*nsh*t]

- No! No! Please!

[g*nsh*t]

I can't feel my spine.

- This is a toy.

Goo cannon, you and me
are going places.

- Ahem. Excuse me, but the goo
cannon is only for display.

Now give it back.

- Ok.

This place was getting
boring anyway.

- Thank you.
Come again.

- A teddy bear?
Some free toy.

[Whimpering]

- It's in my ear.

- Well, well, well.
You are just what
I'm looking for.

Cute, sassy,
and gritty as kitty litter.

- I suggest you move, lady.

- Love it. You're perfect.
My name is sara sue,

And I'm with the happy huggy
stuffy bear company.

And I want you to be
our spokesmodel on tv.

I'm going to make you a star!

- Beat it, lady.
Not interested.

- Did I mention it pays?

- Keep talking.

- A lot.

- Money is the root of all evil.

I think I need more money.

- When's your stinking
commercial on anyway?

- In about two minutes,
but sara sue said
I'd be paid first.

[Doorbell buzzes]

- Delivery for mandy.
- Ooh! Come on, big money!

No whammies!

- Ah ha ha ha!

That is why I always ask
to be paid in brains.

- Mandy! You got paid
in happy huggy stuffy bears!

This is super!

Huggy stuffy pony bears!

- There better be a check
in here.

- Hey, your commercial's on.

- ♪ When I'm sad
they make me happy ♪

♪ When I'm scared
they give me hugs ♪

♪ They probably will not bite

♪ And for that
I give them love ♪

♪ They're so very happy ♪ and so huggy,
too

♪ So get a happy huggy
stuffy bear ♪

♪ And bring him home
with you ♪

- Happy huggy stuffy bear,
I love you.

- Bears don't actually hug
or return love.

Chemical treatments
may cause nausea, dizziness,

And dry mouth.

Not for ages 8 and over.

Go buy 5 now!

- Mandy, you're... Cute?

- Grr... [Knock on door]

- Hey, there she is!
- Mandy!

- Hey, just happened to see
your commercial,

And I was wondering,
do you think you could
give me a wedgie?

- Yeah! Can I get
your autograph?

- Well, hey, mandy. Looks like
you'll need an assistant.

- No.
- Uh, lackey?

- No.
- Uh, toady?

- You always offer that.
- I know.

But that was because of
my sick obsession with you.

Now it's because you're famous.

- All right, that's it.
I don't even like the stupid
huggy stuffy bears.

Take 'em!
And leave me alone!

[Cheering]

- Mandy gave me a gift,
a gift of love!

I shall call you mandy ii,
and I will teach you
the meaning of love.

- I think this happy huggy
stuffy bear thing
was a bad idea.

- Aw, don't sweat it, mandy.
It's a gig.

- What's wrong with the tv?

- Nothing. I'm just waiting for
billy to realize it's not on.

- Doh! I love this show!

- Hello.
- Hello.

- I'll be your friend.
- I'll be your friend.

- I love you.
- I love you.

- I'll do your bidding.

[Whispering]

Hee hee!

- I'll do your bidding.

Pardon me,
I have bidding to do.

- Is billy drooling
more than usual?

- Just be happy it's drool
this time.

[Commotion]

- No! No! Bad mandy ii!

- Well, this is
a nice change of pace.

It's good to see children
getting some exercise.

- [Gurgling]

- But it does seem
a bit chaotic.

Chaotic! Quick, let me see
that bear you sold out for.

Hmm... Seems ok.

- I love you.

Now destroy for me.

- Destroy for you?

- Yeah. Let's destroy
everything!

Is that naughty?
Hee hee!

- It's kind of weird for a toy.

Eris!

- Ha ha ha!

Hello, darlings.
Miss me?

- Eris, I thought I recognized
your handiwork.

- Oh, I didn't sew
all these myself.

I've got a factory full
of underpaid canadians
to do the dirty work.

Did you see my little
zombie minions?

Ah, I love the smell of chaos
in the morning.

It smells like victory.

Or tuna casserole.

- Wait. How come
I'm not a zombie?

- Oh, mandy, you should know
that mind control doesn't work
on people who think.

The fact is, throwing the planet
into chaos is a bigger job
than it seems,

And I'm not as young
as I used to be.

So I thought, what about mandy?

All you have to do
is keep endorsing
the happy huggy stuffy bears

And they'll keep brainwashing
the children,

And soon the entire planet
will be in chaos!

Then the universe will be ours!

Just think of it, mandy,

You, me, all the control,
all the power,

All the free chicken.

Legions of zombie children
to assist us in our quest
for chaos.

It can all be ours!

[Maniacal laughter]

So, what do you think?
Sound like a deal?

- Hmm...
- You should be evil.

- I suppose it's never too early
to start working toward
a career.

- I love you.

- I guess it
wouldn't be that bad.

- Yes....

- You'll be the second most
powerful person in the world.

- Hang on.
Who said anything about second?

Sorry, eris,
but I don't share.

Grim, fix this mess.

- Oh, weeping teddy bears.

How unexpected.
Excuse me, eris,
I have work to do.

♪ Ooh...

♪ 1 Little, 2 little,


♪ 4 Little, 5 little,


♪ 7 Little, 8 little,


♪ And I still have
a million to go ♪

- This isn't mandy.

What have I done?!

- You guys ruin everything.

I'm out of here.

- Mandy, I'm sorry.

I promise that
I will never again
revere a false mandy.

From now on, baby,
you're the only mandy for me.

Here, let me kiss your feet

Or the ground
where your feet touched.

- I love you.

- I love you?

- I will do your bidding.

- I will do your bidding.

- Good enough.

[Gobbling]

- Good morning, mandy.

I've eaten 26 bowls
of sugar frosted blasto bits.

[Gobble, gobble, gobble]

More!!!

- Dare I ask why?

- Glmmph, glmmmph... [Gulping]

'Cause buried inside one
of these boxes of blasto bits

Is a secret decoder ring.

And I'm gonna find that ring

If I have to eat
a gazillion bowls

And puke till friday.

- You're a regular einstein.

- Just playing the odds, baby.

- Would that ring
look anything like this?

- My ring!!
Gimme that ring!

- Hey!

- Pleeeeease!!

Waaahhhh...

- Take it.
Decoder rings are for dweebs.

- Yeah!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I'm invisible.

Hee hee hee hee hee!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Just what
do you think you're...

- Invisibility is cool.

Hey!
You can't see me.

I'm invisible.

- You're not invisible,
you twit.

You're just naked.

- Nuh-uh.
I'm wearing a fig leaf.

Or maybe it's poison sumac.

I'm kind of chafin'.

- Look, you little nudist,

It's just a stupid decoder ring
for decoding the stupid message

On the back
of the stupid cereal box.

Stupid.

- Oooh, you're right!

Time to decode the stupid secret
of the whole stupid universe.

Hee hee hee hee hee!

- That's just stupid.

You can't find
the secret of the universe

On the back of a cereal box.

- Blasto bits, mandy.

Think about it.

- Stupid secret message.

Bah!
Looks like gibberish to me.

- And it can only be deciphered
by the mighty decoder ring.

Observe.

- So, what's the message,
eat more blasto bits?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- We need you, oki wan kadoke.

Hey, who the heck are you?

What are you doing
on this frequency?

Our planet is under attack,
you twerps.

We're about to be overtaken,

And you have the nerve to... Ohhh!

- Man, I'm glad
we got rid of her.

What a nag.
Call 911, lady.

Seized her! Ha ha!

Whoa!

- I have a secret message
for he who bears the ring.

There is a secret cave
on top of gutterball hill,

Where the ghosts of canaries
can be seen flying in and out.

- Why the ghosts of canaries?
'Cause they whistle a lot?

Maybe they're mad 'cause mom
flushed them down the toilet

When they didn't
wake up from their nap.

What about the ghosts
of toucans or c*ck?

How about kiwis?

- Do you want
to hear the secret or not?

- What have you
got against kiwis?

- May I go on?

- Knock yourself out.

- Ahem, now, where was i?

High on top of gutterball hill

There is a secret cave
where the ghosts of canaries
can be seen flying in and out.

And a few c*ck.

- And kiwis.

- All right!

Ok, and maybe the ghosts
of toucans, as well,

And the ghosts of kiwis.

Anyway, deep inside the cave

There lies a bottomless shaft.

He who looks
into the depths of the abyss

And does not flinch

Shall see the secret
of the universe.

- I'm pretty sure
my mom told me not to play

Around old
abandoned mine shafts.

Or was it not to play
with old bowels?

- Run, don't walk,
to gutterball hill.

The secret of the universe
awaits you.

- Hey, wait!
Are there any other prizes?

- Get your clothes on,
billy, and let's go.

- Those lips.

That voice.

It all seems weirdly familiar.

And what fool would reveal
the secret of the universe

To mere mortal children?

Oh, no, it can't be.

- Ha ha ha ha...
- Grim, get the lead out.

The secret of the universe
awaits us.

- Wait!

I don't think
that's such a great idea.

The secret of the universe
cannot be revealed to mortals.

- But why can't mortals
know the secret, grim?

- Because you'll do
something stupid with it.

- Hey, where's everybody goin'?

- We're all goin'
to gutterball hill, yo.

Gonna get down
with the secret of the universe.

Maybe meet some chicks.

Ha ha ha!
Know what I'm sayin'?

- How the heck did you find out?

- With my secret decoder ring,
yo.

Everybody has one.
Hey, mandy, lookin' good.

- Blam!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You're loanin' me
your bike, dweeb.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

The secret is mine!
Yeahhhhh!

- My bike!!!

- Ciao, losers.

Check out my sweet new scooter.

Isn't it cute?
It's fast, too.

Daddy gave it to me because
I'm his pretty little princess.

I'm gonna be the first
up gutterball hill

To learn the secret
of the universe.

And I won't tell the secret
to any losers.

Why am I telling you?
You're losers.

- Blam!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You're floatin' me
your scooter, cupcake.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Whistling]

- We're all doomed.

- This is terrible!

- I love a parade!

- Break out your scythe, grim.

You're takin' us
to gutterball hill.

[Croaking]

[Croaking, flapping]

- Well, it looks like
the end of the line.

What do you say we go back?

- Say, what's with you?

What's down there, anyway, grim?

- Ha ha, how should I know?
Ha ha ha...

- Kiwi.
Ha ha ha!

Aah!
Kiwis!

Keep it away from me!

Aaaahhhh!
Get it away!

[Gasping]

Uh-oh.

[Screaming]

- Hmmm.

[Indistinct chatter]

- Ok, stop, stop.
Stop, everybody!

Stop, stop, stop!!

No pushing!

- Oh, this won't end well!

- Grim, is there something
you're not telling us?

- Absolutely not.

Nothing.

Ok, yes.

You see, in my youth,
many eons ago,

While I attended
the high school of the dead,

There was a winsome young ghoul

Who had a mad crush on me.

Her name was lubber.

She had large, luscious lips.

- The better
to kiss you with, baby.

Mmww, mmww, mmwww, mmwww...
- Yuck!

All the kids made fun of me

Because she followed me
wherever I'd go.

- Hey, grim,
who's the shadow?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Laughing]

- Aaaaaaahhhhh!

[Burping]

- Soon she devoured them all.

[Screaming]

When the principal got the news,
she was beside herself.

- That kind of behavior
will not be tolerated,

Young lady.

- So, she expelled lubber

To the bottom
of the bottomless shaft,

Where she would guard the secret
of the universe forever.

Or until the curse was broken,
whichever came first.

Wow, what a break.

So, now you know everything.

- I have a very small bottom.

I'm almost bottomless.

[Gulp]

- Phhtooo!

Uh, grim?

Oh, I thought I tasted
something familiar.

- Hello, lubber.
Eh, ha ha...

- Grim, sweetie, baby.

Oh, where have you been
for the last 1,000 years?

Mmwaang, mwaaang, mwaang...

Oh, I knew
you wouldn't forget me.

I'm gettin' out of here, man.

I am making a break for it.

We'll be together at last!

- But you can't
leave here, lubber.

You're under a curse.

- I don't want to guard
the stupid secret anymore.

I want to see the big world
and party with total strangers.

That's why I sent out
secret decoder rings

To every kid endsville.

I have a secret plan
to break the curse.

- All right,
cut the gab, fish bait,

And cough up
the secret of the universe.

- Ha ha ha ha.

Sure, I'll show you
the secret...

If you are worthy.

You need only to look
deep inside my worm hole

To read the secret message.

Ha ha ha ha ha...

Ha ha ha.

- Hold it right there, loser.

If anybody's gonna see
the secret of the universe,

It's going to be me.

After all, I'm much prettier

And much more popular.

"I was only kidding."

What kind
of stupid secret is that?

Aaaahh!

[Splash]
who pushed me?

Somebody pushed me.

Hey, what's going on?
Let me out of here, you losers.

- It worked.
The curse is lifted.

♪ I'm free ahem.

It is clearly stated
in the curse

That upon the day that
the secret is seen by a human,

The curse will be lifted

And said human
shall take your place

As guardian of the secret

Forever.
Here's a copy of the curse.

You get a plan 401-k,
toodle-loo.

- What?
Where are you going?

Come back here, you worm!

You're bird food
when my daddy finds out.

- Grim, we are so over,
because I am out of here.

Suckers!

Ha ha ha ha ha... - Everybody!

Out of the cave!

Now!!!

[Screaming]

- Hey, wait, don't go.
Let's part-ay!

- Don't leave me here!
I'm warning you!

You are all losers!

- ♪ 7 Little, 8 little,


♪ And I still have
a million to go ♪

I haven't had this much fun

Since the french revolution.

We gotta do this more often.

- Hey, grim,

Why'd you cut the head off
my huggy stuffy pony bear?

- Because it made you a zombie.

- Oh.

You bears are all alike.

You love us,
and you turn us into zombies,

And your heads come off,

And you leave us brokenhearted.