03x03 - The Bad News Ghouls/House of No Tomorrow

[bunniefuu]

- [Laughing]

- Control, alt, delete.

- Boy, are we gonna show them!

- We'll blind 'em
with our mad skills.

- Oh! Oh!

Yeah, mad, wacky skills!

- Need I ask?

- We have our little league game
against mindy's team.

But girls can't play baseball,

So you wouldn't understand... Oh!

I caught it. I caught it!

[Laughing]

- Way to keep your
eye on the ball.

- Even though girls
can't play baseball, ha,

You could still, uh,

Be a cheerleader
for the boys' team.

- So, you think girls
can't play baseball, huh?

- Not a lick.

- Yeah?

Pitch me the ball,
and we'll see.

- Yes, my love.

- Oh, brother.

- [Snickering]

You don't have a bat.

- Femur.

- What?!

I'm kind of using it.

- Did I ask for a
femur or some lip?!

- Ok, ok.

[Grunting]
[snap]

Here.

I'll just hobble over
and lean on the fence.

- I'd suggest you go deep.

- One word:

Easy out!

Come on, batter,
batter, batter, batter!

Swing!

Now look what
you've done, mandy.

How is the other team
supposed to get you out

If you hit the ball
over their heads?

[Glass breaks in distance]

We have to go or we're
gonna be late for the game.

- Come on, grim.

I have to see this.

Should we tell him
that mindy's a girl?

- No.

Why clutter up his empty skull

With something as
trivial as facts?

Hold my scythe.

Don't look.

[Crack]
- yeah!

- [Cheering]

- They did it again.

Yay!

- Come on! How about
a little defense!

- What has your briefs
in a knot?

- What?! Oh.

Well, first,
I'd like to make clear

I wear boxers, not briefs.

As to why I have a knot in them,

It started back
when I was a youngster.

It was the last game of
championship season.

We had some of
the greatest players

The underworld had ever seen:

On second base was
fatty flyball,

Swatting sammy slug
in the outfield,

Big babyhead bambino on third,

Footless joe johnson on first,

And yours truly pitching
his winningest season ever.

- All right, grim,
bases are loaded.

One more strike and we go
home the champions.

- No problem, man.

I'm throwing to the pitcher.

Everyone knows
pitchers can't hit.

- [Booing]

- I can't help but
empathize with billy

When I see him getting
beaten and ridiculed.

- Oh, throw the pitcher
out of there!

- My granny can
pitch better than that!

- Somehow, I don't think billy
is as traumatized as you.

- Wow, mindy!

That was a great hit!

This is fun! This is fun!

Let's do it again!

Yay!

Run, mindy, run!

Home run!

Yeah, mama!

Yeah!

- Game over.

- Great game!

- I'd shake, but I'm afraid
ineptitude is contagious.

- Yeah, you guys stink!

- You're lame!

- [Sobbing]

- Uh... What's wrong?

You thirsty?

- [Sobbing]

- He's in touch
with his feelings.

- Hey, mindy,
you think you're bad?!

- No.

I think they're bad!

- [Laughter]

- Billy's team
will take you down.

- Yeah! I'd like to see that.

- Yeah, I'd like
to see that, too.

- I'm going to put
together a winning team.

Mandy, are you in?

- We challenge you
to a playoff...

Two weeks from today.

- You're on, loser!

- I have no idea how
we're going to beat them.

- Simple.

I will coach them.

- Hey, mandy,

What do you mean
"how we're going to beat them"?

This is baseball, and girls
can't play baseball!

- But...
- No!

- But, billy...
- No!

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!

[Toot, toot]

- [Straining]

- Look alive out there.

- Look how high it is.

- Kind of looks like
a ghost ball.

- It's getting bigger.

- Yeah! Cool!

- Billy?

- No!

- Here you go, bonehead.

- Whaa!

[Whimpering]

Oh, look. I caught it.

- Did you see that?!

- She's good!

- She's better than good.

She's perfect!

- No!

No girls on our team!
No girls on our team!

No girls on our team!

No girls on our team!

- Yeah!

- No girls on our team!

- No girls on our team!

No girls on our team!

No girls on our team!

No girls on our team!

No girls on our team!

- Mandy, you have to
play for this team.

- They don't want girls.

- What if they didn't
know you were a girl?

Fellas, I'd like you to
meet our new teammate,

Mand... Uh, fred.

Yes, that's it.

- Hmm.

Uh... There is
something about you...

That I like!

Put 'er there!

Welcome aboard, manfred.

- Shoo.

Uh, ok, boys,
let's put our game faces on.

Your internal game face!

- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh!

- We've worked hard
to hone our skills.

It's time to take
the battle to them.

- Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

- Do you realized
that one player

Does not a team make?

- I've got it covered.

Look out to centerfield.

- That's a cornfield.

- Cool! A big, decrepit head!

[Chuckles]

Wow! A wriggly snail
and a footless coot!

- Now, get out there
on the mound

And give mindy her comeuppance.

- Come on, show me something,
loser!

- Strike one!

Strike!

Strike 3!

You're out!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- You're out!

You're out!

- Don't hurt me!

- You're out!

You're out!

Safe!

- Hey, mandy,
no girls on our team!

What are you doing on the field?

- Don't be a dweeb, billy.

You need me.

- No girls in baseball.

Hmm.

Where'd manfred go?

Oh, well.

- And that is out of the park,
ladies and gentlemen.

- No, no, no!

Not again, man!

- Relax, grim.

I'll get us out of the inning.

- [Sniffling]

- Hey, manfred.

Where ya been?

- I was suffering from
a dose of ignorania.

Now, beat it!

- Cool!

- Strike one!

Strike two!

Strike 3!

Your out!

- Well, folks, it's do or die
time for grim's team.

Bottom of the ninth, one out,

Tying run on third.

- Time-out!

Sorry, erwin.

I'm going to have to
use a pinch-hitter.

Sammy, get in there.

Ha ha ha ha!

With sammy slugging,

This game is in the bag.

- Hi, sammy.

Here's your favorite bat.

Will you hit a home run
for me, sammy?

- Uh, I don't know.

Are you sick and/or dying?

- Uh, sure he is!

Poor little guy.

Now, hit one for the kid.

- Ok, little sickie,
this one if for vous.

- [Crying]

- [Cheering]

- Strike.

Strike two!

- Oh!

- Strike 3, you're out!

- [Burps]

- No, no, no, no, no!

No, no!

- [Cheering]

- Yes, man! Yes!

- [Cheering]

- So, billy,

Have you learned that girls
do belong on the team?

- Uh...

I don't know what
you're talking about, mandy.

But I can't wait to introduce
you to my new friend manfred.

- Oh, boy.

I can hardly wait.

- [Cheering]

- Uh! Oh! Help!

Hurting me!

Oh! Hey! Ow!

- I can't believe we're here!

It's like a dream come true.

Look! Sassy cat!

Sassy cat!

Sassy cat! Sassy cat!

- Just who is this sassy cat
character anyway?

- It's some stupid media icon

Based on some stupid
cartoon character

Used to build this huge,
stupid amusement park.

- Cartoons are stupid.

- I agree.

- Look! Sassy cat!

♪ Sassy cat, sassy cat

♪ Full of sass, full of sass

♪ If you don't like it

♪ You can kiss her
butt - this stinks.

Come on. Let's get on
one of these rides.

- Come on.

The line's pretty short here.

- Oh, gee! We're going
on a roller coaster?!

Yay!

- You know...

I always thought the lines
for these things

Were a lot longer.

- They are.

- This is the line
for the sassy coaster?

- No, this is the line
you have to wait in

To get in line for
the sassy coaster.

And that line starts
outside this building.

- That's it. I'm out of here.

- Well, let's go find another
ride that has a shorter line.

- Little ronnie was
born in this line.

- It looks like there
aren't any rides

To get on around here
without huge lines.

Let's get out of
this dump, billy.

- Yoo-hoo! Mandy!

Over here!

Look! No line!

Oh, can we go on it?
Can we go on it?

Can we go on it?
Can we go on it?!

- Let me tell you why
that ain't happening:

[A] it's not a ride;

that attraction is closed;

[And c] you're an idiot.

- But... There's no line!

[Straining]

The doors are locked.

- Move over, stubby.

Now, let's go see

If the future is as
bleak and depressing

As I think it should be.

- This place gives
me the creeps.

- I kind of like it.

- We'd better find
a light switch.

[Music plays]

- This house can
never stay clean.

Why do I even bother?

- [Burps]

- Wow! Check out all
the fancy-pants doohickeys.

- So, this is supposed
to be the future?

- Welcome to the future!

It's a pretty-fancy place, huh?!

In the future, robots
are our eternal sl*ves,

And we can make them
do anything we want.

- Anything?

- Yes, anything.

Like comb your pretty hair,

Or wash your cute clothes,

Or even make
flirtatious advances

To that cute neighbor for you.
Tee hee!

- Hey, baby.

You're a pleasant-looking
human being.

- Hope you enjoyed your quick
glimpse into the future.

Thanks for stopping by.

- Hey, guys, check that out!

Wow!

Look at this place, grim!

Everything's so futuristic!

Look at this crazy dishwasher!

- Dishwasher, eh?

- Hey, grim,
something's happening.

Hey! What's going on?!

What's happ... Help!

[Gurgling]

Aagh!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You should take
a look at yourself!

How pathetic!

Stop that!

Stay away from me!

Watch where you're grabbing!

- Looking good, grim.

- Shut up.

- Hey, grim. Hey, billy.

Quit horsing around
and get over here.

- What the heck is this thing?

Looks like it hasn't been
activated for years.

We'd better stay away from this.

- Oh, what does this button do?!

- Billy, what are you doing?

Stop that!

- But why, grim?

[Whirring]

- I am master control,

Computer of the future.

- [Screams]

- That better be sweat dripping
down your leg, boy.

- I am programmed to
run all the machines

At this attraction.

My intelligence is
beyond measure.

I know everything
there is to know,

And I'm not too shabby
at checkers.

- Wait.

How can you know everything?

- I just do.

So, there.

- If you know everything,

Then what's the meaning of life?

- Life has no meaning.

Only machine intelligence
is truly important

On a cosmic scale.

- Hmm.

I didn't think he'd
get that one right.

- Oh, yeah?!

Then what's my favorite color?

- Blue.

- What's the best kind of bean?

- Pinto.

- Why is the sky blue?

- Because of the refraction
of sunlight

Through the water
droplets in the sky.

- Why do I ask so
many questions?

- Because you're stupid!

- What's the color
of my underwear?

- White... With
pink frilly lace.

- Wow!

It really does know everything.

- I guess it's pretty cool.

- I can bet it's
not happy, though.

- Really?

Hey, are you happy?

- I... I suppose I'm not.

I never devoted any
cpu cycles to it.

I guess I'm not happy at all.

- Ha ha ha.

Oh. Why not?

- I just haven't.

- Why?
- Because!

- Because why?

- I don't know!

- Ha ha ha!

You don't know everything!

♪ Cursed,
unlucky ♪ you're a freak - grrr!

This is why humanity
must be eradicated.

You depend too much
on happiness.

And for that,
you will all suffer!

- [Screaming]

- What happened?

I think we made him mad.

- I don't like
the looks of this.

- Me, neither!

Quick, we gotta get out of here!

She's gonna blow!

Follow me, man!

- Who was that?

- I don't know.

Let's go find out.

[Siren blaring]

- Hurry! Hurry!

The main computer's
about to explode.

Quick, duck and cover!

- Well, what should we do?

- Beats me.

- Uh, it should have
gone off by now.

- Nice.

- Mandy, look!

- It's the machines!

They're out of control.

- Bark, bark, bark.

Growl. Ruff, ruff.

- [Burps]

- What the heck is going on?

All right, start talking.

Who are you?

- Well... My name is tom smith.

40 Years ago, I was
a tour guide here

At the house of tomorrow.

Then on an average partly-cloudy
day of no real significance,

While I was being adored
by gorgeous women...

You know, 'cause girls dig guys
who wear sassy cat costumes...

[Chuckles]

- Grim, let me borrow
your scythe real quick.

- Ok! Ok! Ok!

There... There was this small,
very obnoxious boy, who...

Come to think of it, kind of
looks like your friend here...

Who angered the master
control computer

With his constant barrage
of stupid questions.

Sickened with humanity,

Master control ordered
all the robots

To start attacking people.

The park officials retaliated...

Driving the robots back
into the house of tomorrow...

Leaving me trapped here
ever since.

- How did you eat, tom?

- Well, billy,
I lived off of these.

- Sassy cat crudcakes!

- These things never go stale.

You guys had better
get used to these,

'Cause there's no escaping.

You're gonna be trapped
here forever...

Just like me!

- Then what's that?

- Um...
- I'll be seeing you.

- Wait!

You'll never make it!

You'll get blasted to
bits by the robots!

She made it!

I can't believe it!

- Mandy, look out!

- Oh, she's a goner!

- I'd like to say
it was nice knowing her.

- Help.

What ever shall I do?

- Wow.

She's bad.

- You have no idea.

- Come on, you dweebs.

- You know, billy?

- Yeah, tom?

- As much as I hate to admit it,

I'm gonna miss this old place.

After 40 years of
being trapped here,

It kind of grew on me.

You know what I mean?

- Um, not really.

- The daily beatings,

Eating sassy cat
crudcakes till you puke,

And even having to use

Your own sassy cat
costume as a toilet.

Oh!

I'm gonna miss it all!

- Hey, what's this?

An unplugged plug?

As grim always told me:

Never leave an unplugged plug
unplugged.

[Whistling]

[Music plays]

- Well, time to go.

Hasta la vista, ba... What the...

Who shut this door?!

Let me out!

Please!

- What's wrong, tom?

You're not trying to
leave us, are you?

- No! No!

Stay back! Stay back!

[Screaming]

- [Back masking]