02x15 - Chocolate Sailor/The Good, the Bad, and the Toothless

[bunniefuu]

Ha ha ha!

- You can change the outcome
of this cartoon

With the power of your mind.

- There's just gotta be
a shrunken head in this pile!

Jeez, what kind of a weirdo
would collect all this junk?

- Can I help you
find something?

- Do you have a shrunken head?

- What do you mean by that?

- Holy freak show!

I mean, nothing.

- Are you gonna buy something,
smart guy?

- Pssh! Right!
I got nothing!

I'm penniless!
A pauper!

Too poor to pay attention!

Too cheap to buy
this cheesy crud!

Nice kick!

- These are
man-eating comics, kid...

The best
in all the underworld!

- Are you kidding?
This rag is amateur.

Just look at how he spots
his darks.

- [Barking]

- Oh!
Aah!

- Ha ha ha!

- Ok. Ow.

- Billy,
are you all right?

- No, I am broke.
- Indeed.

- Can I borrow 5 bucks?

- Certainly not!

You'll never learn
the value of money

Until you earn it
yourself.

- Whoa, that's so...
Grown-up!

- Here, I'll give you
a comic book

If you stop
your whining.

- Man-eating comics!
"Gory mayhem part two!"

Sweet!

Whoa. This could warp
my little mind!

- Too late for that.
Now, beat it, billy!

I have other customers.

- Ok.

- Do you have the latest issue
of "cruel but funny"?

- I'm, like, totally
desensitized to gore and mayhem.

Who says comic books
aren't good for you?

[expl*si*n]

What I need is a harebrained
scheme to get rich quick

Without hardly trying.

Huh?

Wow!
A chocolate sailor!

- That's right, matey!
I'm a chocolate sailor!

Would you like to buy
some chocolate?

- What do you want from me,
chocolate sailor?

- I want you to join

The chocolate sailor
dinghy crew!

Sell delicious chocolate sailors
and reap a bountiful booty!

Just send in
your application today

And set sail
on the high seas of riches!

- I'll do it!

- You won't regret it,
billy!

Just sign your name
and mail it off

To receive
your starter kit.

Say, "heave h*!"
To bad bilge water, billy,

And let's shove off
for some major booty!

- [Whistling]

Wow!
It's already here!

Hee hee hee!

Wow!

Ahh.

Mmm!

Ha ha ha!

Chocolate, yum!

[Panting]

Oh, no!
I've been a bad sailor.

I ate the whole dang dinghy,
crew and all!

Now I'll never have
major booty!

Aah!

What's this?

A message
from the chocolate sailor?

- Hi, matey!
Time for some fresh cargo!

Now, shove off, sailor!

- Aye-aye,
chocolate sailor guy!

Full speed ahead!

Whoa, it's here!

You won't be disappointed
this time, chocolate sailor.

You'll see!

I'm gonna be
the best dang sailor

In the whole dang army.

I'll sell gazillions!

Together,
we'll make major booty,

'Cause you're
so bootylicious!

Ahoy, matey!

I'm a chocolate sailor!

And I come with my own dinghy!

So, you wanna buy
some delicious chocolate candy?

- I never accept candy
from strangers.

- But, mandy,
it's me, billy!

- Exactly.

- Come on, mandy.

This dinghy is made of 100%
pure chocolaty goodness!

And you just gotta try

One of these
yummy chocolate sailors

All wrapped
in colorful foil!

They're lots better
without the foil.

- Did somebody say
chocolate?

I love chocolate!

- Aye, matey!
A shipload of chocolate!

Chocolate dinghies,
chocolate sailors...

Chocolate dinghies.

- I'll take the whole navy!

- Uh, sorry, grim.
I'm all out!

- But they're in your bag.
I saw them.

- You are mistaken,
my meat-deprived friend.

Time to shove off.
So long, mateys!

Whew, that was close.

They nearly got
my last dinghy!

- Something smells fishy.

He never sold us
a single chocolate.

And who is
this chocolate sailor, anyway?

- I can't quite place him,

But he rings a bell.

- Well, what do you know?

Chocolate sailors!

- Mine!

Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

[Doorbell ringing]

- Well, what do you know?

More chocolate sailors!

- Mine!

Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Mine!

- Well, what do you know?

Still more chocolate sailors.

Oof!
- Mine!

Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Come to billy,
my precious.

[Giggling]

- What is it, sailor?

- Good news, sir.

Sales are way up

Thanks to
our top salesman billy!

- The kid from endsville?

- That's right, sir.

He's into us for plenty!

In fact,
we've already billed him

For more than 10,000 units
of chocolate.

- 10,000 Units?

That's enough
for all of endsville!

Ha ha ha!

Think of it, man!

Right now, there must be
thousands of shlubs

Who are falling under the spell
of my enchanted chocolates!

Ha ha ha!

Soon, I will transform
all of the chocolate eaters

In the world
into chocolate sailors!

Say, what happened
to your arm, sailor?

Have you been eating yourself?

- Oh, no, sir.

There was a... The... Uh...
It were gulls, sir!

- Gulls?
- Yes, sir.

Seems they took
a liking to chocolate, sir.

- Hmm.
That will be all, sailor.

- Looks like someone's
been dipping

Into the chocolate again.

- Follow the wrappers,
and we'll find our dip.

- Billy?

He must have eaten himself
into a chocolate coma.

Just look at
all these empty chocolate boxes.

- Billy, if you can hear us,
just gurgle.

- [Gurgling]

- There. He's fine.

Hey, wait a minute.
Of course!

Now I remember.

The chocolate sailor!

He advertises in the back
of man-eating comics.

Billy, the little simpleton,
must have answered his ad.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, that's not good.

- It looks like billy
has somehow turned

Into solid chocolate.

- No way!
Ooh!

Chocolate!

Yow!

Ow!

Ouch!

Aah!

- Billy,
you're eating yourself.

- I can't help it.

I'm so yummy!

- Billy!

- It doesn't hurt, really.

You get used to it.

- That's what you get
for answering an ad

From a supernatural
comic book.

- You're just jealous
'cause you wanna eat me, grim!

- Why, you little...

- Grim, we've gotta help
billy.

- He seems to be helping
himself.

- Grim!
- All right!

But we'll have to find
the chocolate sailor.

Only he will have
the antidote.

- Hey, there ain't
no marshmallow in my cocoa!

- I'm looking
for the chocolate sailor!

Did I say that?
Heh heh!

- I love chocolate!

- [Together]
huzzah!

- Ah, many's the man
who went looking

For the chocolate sailor.

Few's them that return.

- [Squawk]

- Have you met
the chocolate sailor?

- Aye, we've met.

Turned my leg
into a chocolate truffle.

I ate it plumb off, by gobs.

- He must be very difficult
to find.

- Nah. He's about
two wharves over.

You can take my dinghy.

[Belch]

- [Squawk]

[Coughing]

- Once you get past
the shipping lanes,

Just follow the smell
of chocolate.

You'll find him.

- We'd better hurry, grim.

Billy just ate his left foot.

- What flavor were she, boy?

- Chocolate!

- [Sniffing]

Does anyone smell chocolate?

- [Slurping]

Thank you!

Aah!

Ouch! Hey! Ouch! Ouch!
Hey! Help!

Help!

- Billy.

- Ahoy, there!
Come about.

- Are you
the chocolate sailor?

- Billy?
Is that you?

- I like chocolate!

- What happened to him?

- That's why we're here,
mr. Sailor man.

- Billy ate all your chocolate.

- One kid ate 10,000 units?

He ain't human!

- Not anymore, he isn't.

It turned him
into solid chocolate.

He tasted so delicious,

He couldn't keep
from eating himself.

Now all that's left
is his big, chocolate head.

We need an antidote.

- It happens every time!

How can I have a proper crew
when they always eat themselves?

Hoist them up, sailor.

Why should I give you
the antidote?

Yow!
My finger!

- Chocolate!

- Yow!
Stop!

Get away!
Don't eat me!

Make him stop!

All right, all right,
I'll give you the antidote!

Now, billy, this is
a very special assortment

Of enchanted chocolates.

You must choose only one.

But choose wisely,
billy,

For only one contains
the antidote.

Will it be
caustic caramel creme,

Horrific hazelnut,
mutating marshmallow,

Or antidote?

- Caustic caramel creme,
horrific hazelnut,

Mutating marshmallow,
or antidote?

Hmm.

Yah!

- Great gobs!

No one has ever eaten
the whole dang assortment!

- [Gulp]

- Eh, start swabbin'
the poop deck.

- You know, grim,

Sometimes I feel as though
billy were right here with us.

- Eh, he's in a better place.

- I like chocolate!

- Come on, billy.
Its time to go to the movies.

- No can do, mandy.

I got a loose tooth!

And when I get this baby out,

The tooth fairy's gonna fly down
from his money tree in the sky

And give me
a lot of cash for it!

- How many times
do I have to tell you

That there is no tooth fairy?

- 6,522.

And I'm gonna buy me
a jar of peanuts!

I can almost taste my butt.

[Horn honking]

- Top of the day to you,
billy.

- Oh, hi, mr. Teetermeier.

- Got a loose tooth, eh?

- Yeah.

You still believe
in the tooth fairy, right,

Mr. Teetermeier?

- Why, sure!

- Wow!
You must be a multi-millionaire!

- Oh, yeah, I'm rich,
all right,

But I'd give it
all up

To have a full set
of shiny white teeth again.

[Snoring]

[Horn honks]

Yep, I had bright, shiny teeth,

But that was a long...

[Gasp] long time ago,

Back in the days
of the wild west!

Ha ha!

- Was the tooth fairy
a cowboy?

- Yep.
- Does the tooth fairy wear
a cowboy hat?

- Yep.
- Does the tooth fairy wear
cowboy boots?

- Yep.
- Cowboy underwear?

- Yep.

Eeh!

Ahh... Oh.

Oh, thanks, sporg.

Uhh, just what
the doctor ordered.

- Trying to do my part
for the community.

- Say, maybe you could help
billy, too.

- Yeah, sporg.

Maybe you could knock out
that annoying tooth.

- Let's see what you got.

Yeah, I could do the job,
teetermeier,

But it's gonna cost you.

- All right, let's see.

I'll pay you 4 nickels,


- Now, think of something
real pretty.

- Like the booger pretzels
I invented in home ec class?

They are pretty
and delicious!

Ooh!

My tooth!

- Nice doing business with you,
teetermeier.

- Eh, wait for me,
partner!

Hee hee!

[Honk honk]
see ya in the funny papers.

- Actually,
I'm scheduled to see you

Next week,
mr. Teetermeier!

- I guess he's out cold.

- Ugh... Eh... Aah! My tooth!

My clothes!

Aah!

Who are you?

- It's us, billy.

Now, do you want us to help you
get your tooth back or what?

- My tooth?

- Remember, billy?
Outlaw sporg stole your tooth.

- And we're gonna get it back.

- But we're cowboys!

- Correction.
We are cowboys.

You are
the local town boob.

- Hee!
I'm the local town boob?

- That's right.
You're dumb as dirt, man.

- Come on, billy.
Your tooth, remember?

- Ok, tooth fairy.

How much will you give me
for billy's tooth?

- Hmm.

- I'll give you 4 nickels,


And a penny.

- Deal!

- Don't forget to brush!

- Stick it in your ear,
tooth fairy!

- Heh heh heh!

Not my ear, my boy.

Ha ha!

At last!
Yee-haw!

- What is it,
mr. Tooth fairy, sir?

- Look, rupert.
Look at this here tooth.

- Holy molar!

Well, I'll be a cold sore
on a hot day in july

Eatin' quicksand from a barrel
in a dust storm!

It's the tooth
you've been looking for,

Ain't it?

- That's right, rupert...

A 3-rooted, bilateral,
bicuspid sweet tooth.

- With its ivory count
in the millions!

- And it's mine!
All mine!

- You look slicker
than a wagon tire

Covered in honey-sweet molasses
with...

- That's right, rupert.

Move over,
santa claus and easter bunny,

'Cause there's a new kid
in town!

And with my perfect smile...

Kids will line up to see me...

The real, live tooth fairy.

I'm finally gonna be... A star!

- Give me the usual,
bartender.

- Si, senor.

One old-fashioned hot dog,
straight up!

- Not so fast, sporg.

Hand over billy's tooth.

- I would if I could,
but I can't,

So you lose, sister.

I sold it to some goon
who thinks he's the tooth fairy.

- The tooth fairy?

- See, mandy? I told you
the tooth fairy exists!

- Not for long,
billy.

- Aah!

- Attention,
little folks of all ages!

Step right up
and get your picture tooken

With the root-tootinest
and bootinest,

Dog-eared, pioneered
tooth jockey ever

To walk the 7 seas.

Here today!

- [Together]
yay!

- Now, let's see
them pearly whites, kids!

- [Together]
yay!

- Remember, kids,
every day is tooth fairy day!

- [Together]
yay!

[Indistinct chatter]

- Bye, kids!
See y'all tomorrow!

- Well,
put a stick in me

And call me a corn dog
with a bad habit.

You're a star!

- A star.

- Hold on there,
hombre.

We got a tooth
to pick with you,

Mr. So-called tooth fairy.

- Whoa!

[Gasp]
the real-life,

Honest-to-goodness
tooth fairy himself!

Can I get your autograph?

- Always time for my fans.

What's your name there,
stranger?

- [Gasp]
my tooth!

- All right,
hand over billy's tooth.

- Well, just how do you know
it's yours?

- Because it's a 3-rooted,
bilateral, bicuspid sweet tooth!

- With its ivory count
in the millions!

- Give us the tooth now,
or this is gonna get ugly.

- Who you callin' ugly?

I challenge you to a showdown.

- Ha ha ha!

- The gold star scepter!

Don't do it, mandy.

That thing is dynamite!

- But we have the scythe.

- The scythe
ain't no match

For the tooth fairy's
gold star scepter!

It has unspeakable
destructive powers,

And in the wrong hands, well,

Oh, let's just say
it weirds me out, that's all.

- Can it, grim.
It's showdown time.

Come on.

- Gee, ha ha ha!

- What's so funny?

- Mandy's gonna kick
the snot out of your pixie butt!

- We'll see about that.

- [Snarling]

- The scepter, mandy!
Look out for the scepter!

- Stick a sock in it,
grim.

- Oh!

Yeah!
Do us all a favor!

- [Snarling]

- Draw.

You finished?

- Mandy!
You're ok!

The scepter didn't work!

- Of course not,
fellers.

I'm impervious to the scepter
of the tooth fairy,

Because I don't believe
in the tooth fairy.

- Hear that,
tooth fairy?

You ain't nothin'
but nothin!'

♪ Nyah nyah nyah-nyah nyah ♪

- Aw, I just don't get it,
rupert.

My scepter never fails.

- Maybe it was a misfire.

Try it again on me, boss.

- Well, I got nothing to lose.

- Well, I'll be a barbecue
bacon cheeseburger supreme

With two golden onion rings,


Crisp lettuce, a fresh tomato,
pickles, onions,

All on a sesame seed bun!

- Ha ha!
It's working!

- Tooth fairy, indeed!

"Oh, look at me.
I'm the big, scary tooth fairy,

"And I'm gonna come get you

With my enchanted golden star
scepter!"

Just a bunch of hooey!

- Ha ha ha!

- Well, maybe I still believe
a teeny-weeny bit.

- And now for that tooth.

- [Slurping]

- What are we gonna do now?

- Well,
we could always open

A chain of fast-food
restaurants.

Ha ha ha!

- Here you go, billy.

- My tooth!

Hee hee hee!

- So, billy, you still believe
in the tooth fairy?

[Echoing]

- Bacon double cheeseburger!

- Here's your stupid tooth
to sell

To your nonexistent
tooth fairy.

- There is so a tooth fairy,
and I'll prove it!

- I liked him better
when he was knocked out.

- Mm-hmm.

Ahh.
Great.

- [Gasp]
my wad of cash!

Wait till mandy gets
a load of my wad!

- Well, my work here is done.
Hee hee!

Come on, rupert.

[Honk honk]

- Yeah, mr. Tooth fairy, sir?

- Wanna go get
some pureed chili?

- Like an old, wet hen wants
to lay a dozen eggs!

Heh heh!

- We got a tooth
to pick with you.

- The real-life tooth fairy!

I'm coming!

Coming!

Coming! Coming!

Ha ha ha!

Coming!

Ha ha ha!

- [Quacking]

- [Moo]

- [Squeal]