02x08 - Which Came First?/Substitute Teacher

[bunniefuu]

[Laughing]

[Laughter]
we all go
a little mad sometimes.

Cool!

Vast, unforgiving
wasteland,

Whose every grain of sand
longs to stifle out
my little life.

- Something the desert and I
have in common.

- Lucky we have this
insulated, modern school bus

To whisk us safely across
this wasteland.

[Crash]

- Oh, my.
Oh, my goodness.

Well, class, it looks like
our field trip

To the museum of science

Isn't going to happen.

We're going to have to bring
the science to us.

- Cool! Desert fun!

Desert fun, desert fun!

[Gasps]
I'm so hot.

[Screeching]

- We're never gonna get home.

We're gonna have to eat
each other to survive!

[Slurp]

- What are you
looking at, sperg?

- Yeah, what are you
looking at?

- You dropped a pickle.

- Oh. Thanks.

- Children eating children?

This may be fun after all.

- Class, today we're going to
dig for fossils.

Everyone grab a shovel
and start excavating.

- Excavating?
That's code for digging.

You'll be hearing from
my lawyers.

- Mmm. Put your backs
into it, children.

The road to learning
is paved with pain.

- Hi, little buddy.

Aah! Oh-uhh-ooh-uhh-ow-ooh!

Uhh!

[Slurping]

- Mmm. Mmm-mmm.

- Cool!

- Hey, losers.

I found a perfectly
preserved t. Rex.

What have you got?

- Just this.

- Aah!

- I'm bored.

- Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

- Let's go exploring.

- Aah!

[Grunting and panting]

- I'm so thirsty!
[Panting]

- Go suck a cactus.

[Slurp]

[Whimpering]

- What do you think made them?

- I don't think I want to know.

- Look! I'm a billy goat!

[Baa baa]

- If only he had the brain
of a billy goat.

- Cool!
[Echoing]
cool!

There's someone down there,
and he sounds like me!

- He makes me feel
so very intelligent.

[Hissing sound]

What was that?

Did you see that?

- I think we should go. Now.

- I'm with you, sister.

- I gots to go now.
My friends are leaving.

[Echoing]
I gots to go now.
My friends are leaving.

Hey! His friends
are leaving, too!

Aah!

- We've got to go get him.

- Couldn't we just say we did?

- Come on.

[Clucking and squawking]

- That is one big chicken.

[Roaring]

That's it.
We're out of here.

- Unfortunately,
we can't leave him.

- Aww. I knew you two
were sweethearts.

[Kissing]

- He owes me 10 bucks.

- 10 Bucks? That's chicken feed.

Chicken feed.
Just like billy.

[Laughs]
hey, mandy, I made a funny.

Where are we?

[Squawking]

- Aah!

- What is it?

- Ch-ch-ch-the chicken.

- Those are some ugly chickens.

I guess we know where
our giant poultry came from.

- What is this place?

- I'm sure
a writer's convenience

Will turn up and fill us in.

- A writer's convenience?
What's that?

- This laboratory
was built underneath

A dormant volcano

And used by the military
to train superchickens

During the cold w*r.

After budget cuts
and a few mishaps,

I'm the only one left.

Now the chickens have escaped.

If those chickens
get out into the city,

That's it, man.
Game over.
Game over, man!

I mean, what are we
going to do now?

What are we going to do?

Aah! The grim reaper!

We're all doomed!

- Grim, can't you do anything
about these chickens?

- No. These monsters
were created by science.

Out of my jurisdiction.

- Well, then,
this situation calls for

Some good, old-fashioned
butt-kicking.

- Hey! That's mine!

[Snoring and muttering]

- Hyuh! Ee!
Huh?

[Chirping]

- Aww, you guys are so cute!

Aww, turn those frowns
upside down.

[Shrieking]

Did someone wake up on
the wrong side of the yolk?

[Growling]

[Screaming]

- All right, you dumb clucks.

There's a new pecking order.

[Shrieking and munching]

[Shrieking]

- Aww, we were having fun!

- Sounds like
they're coming back.

- And they brought friends.

- Yay!

- It's obvious they have
already pecked your brains out.

[Shrieking]

- Good birdies, good birdies!

It is my scientific opinion that

Now would be a good time to run!

I'll try to slow them down.

Aiiee!

- Here they come!

[Roaring]

[Panting]

[Roaring]

[Shrieking]

[Roaring]

- Nice going, bonehead.

[Squawking and shrieking]

- Aah!

- Look at all those eggs.

- And I'm hungry as a jaybird
on a diet on the fourth of july!

Ooh! Look!
I'm rocky balboa!

[Munching]

Aah!

- I forgot to mention that
superchicken eggs
have acid yolks.

- I hate these eggs!

- Um, billy?

- Hate 'em!
Hate! Hate! Hate!

- Um, billy, if you know
what's good for you,

You'll set aside your hatred
of eggs and...

- Now can we leave him to die?

[Roaring]

- Uh, guys?

[Roaring and shrieking]

- Come on,
you crummy thing, work!
[Ding]

[Elevator music playing]

[Crash]

- Ow!

Why don't you peck on
someone your own size?

- Grim, get the door.

[Creaking]

[Squawking]

- Cool!

- Yay! Ooh!
[Indistinct chatter]

[Ding]

- Ahh. I'm glad that's over.

- Giant chickens from the sky!

Now we won't have to eat
each other to survive.

[Munching]

- Touch luck for you, kid.

- Hey, grim, you know how
you did that force field thingy

That kept the volcano
from cooking us?

- Yes.

- Why didn't you use it
to save me from the chickens?

- Because, billy,
I don't like you.

[Laughs]

- Oh, yeah.
[Laughs]

[Grunting]
oh!

[Snoring and speaking
indistinctly]

[Toilet flushing]

[Roaring]

[Birds chirping]

[Laughing]

Honey, where's junior?

He's going to be late for
his first day of school.

- Don't know, dear,
but do me a favor

And let the dog out.

[Panting]
hold it.

I don't seem to remember us
having a dog.

[Panting]

Junior.

- Junior, I told you,
no form-shifting in the house.

- What's all this about
anyway, son?

- I don't want to start school.

What if no one likes me?

- But, junior, your cousin billy
will be there.

- That's right, son,

And who makes a better friend
than a family member?

That's why I married
your beautiful mother.

- Mmm.
[Dog barking
and monkeys shrieking]

- Yuck. Old people love.

- Oh, you're ok, kid. Next.

[Ding]

- There's no way
that's all homework.

What's in there, anyway?

- It's a thing that's gonna
help me ace the test today.

Help! It's got me!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on there, son.

What the... Why, I never...

Nothing metal. Ha ha.
Move on.

[Crash]

[Indistinct chatter]

[Grunting]

- Ooh! Uhh!

Oh! Uhh!

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

[Flushing]

[Whimpering]

- Billy, you said we were
going to the morgue.

- So you're using grim
to cheat on the big test today?

You know, cheaters never prosper
in the long run.

- I know you are, but what am i?

- You're the biggest idiot
in the history of mankind.

[Indistinct chatter]

- Oh, it didn't work.

- Here. Try the stapler.

- Hey, billy,
isn't that your cousin
nergal junior?

- Hello, cousin.

- Nah, that can't be him.

My cousin's a 4-eyed freak
from the center of the earth.

They'd never let him into
a high-class joint like this.

[Indistinct chatter]

- Eww!

- Junior.

Yes, you, junior.

- Y-yes, ma'am.

- Why don't you stand
and introduce yourself
to the class?

[Gulp]
[clears throat]

- Hello, class.
My name...

[Coughing]

Can he... Can he do that,
ms. Butterbean?

- Why, yes.
He can.

He's bigger than you.
[Giggles]

[Gasps]

[Screaming indistinctly]

As you know, there will be
a test today,

Which I hope everybody
studied for.

- Hmph.

[Ticking]

- Ok, grim.
First question.


- This is math, billy.

You told me it was history.

I don't know any math.

- What's math?

[Snoring]

- Here, irwin.

- For me? Cool.

- Aah! I can't see!

[Slurping]

[Gobbling]

[Gobbling]

- Bleh!

- Grr.

[Ringing]

- You'll be getting your
test scores after lunch,

So hurry back.

[Indistinct chatter]

- Sure, dude.
Whatever.

- No, really.
I mean it.

His skeleton's in the toilet.

I seen it for real!

- Hey, how's the gelatin today?

[Gobbling]

[Gulping]

- Hmm. Yech!
It's lousy!

- Hey!

- Oh, I'm so gonna
fail this test.

Junior! I gots an idea!

Why don't you take over

Ms. Butterbean's form, hee hee,

And that way, I'll ace the test!

- Nice hairdo, wiener.

- I'm not interested
in the test.

I'm interested in revenge.

- Now you're talkin.'
I can't support cheating...

But revenge is something
I can really get behind.

- Mmm.

Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha.

- Oh, ms. Butterbean,

I really enjoyed
the test today.

- That's nice.
Why don't you tell someone who...

- Aah!

[Screaming]

[Wolf howling]

[Crash]

[Indistinct chatter]

- Where's that new wimp?

I'm gonna give him
the wedgie of a lifetime.

- Good afternoon, class.

I have your test scores.

[Baa]
mindy, george, billy.

- An "f?

I thought we had a deal.

- Aww. Couldn't do it.



A picture of a clown
with a flamethrower.

- How could I be so stupid?
[Sobbing]

- Oh.

- Oh, and those of you
who got "f"s

Can stay behind after class.

Well, well, well.
Look who's left.

- Ha ha ha!
You dorks failed!

- I never fail, sperg.
I'm just staying to watch.

- Watch what?

- I like apples.
Do you like apples?

- Um, yeah.

- Yes. You like apples.

Here, have some more.

How do you like them apples?

[Indistinct], ms. Butterbean.

- You were going to give me
the wedgie of a lifetime, eh?

- [Indistinct]

- Well, maybe it's time

You had a wedgie of your own!

- I think I like this teacher.

- But, ms. Butterbean,

You can't do that.
You're a teacher!

- I can do whatever I please.

I'm bigger than you!

- Aah!

- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Look!

Sperg's got the same
bunny underwear I do!

- And I have
tons of new friends,

And I graded all the tests.

- Why, they've already
got him grading papers.

Just for that, you get
to keep your new pet.

- All right!
Here, boy!

- It's better than
what my mom makes!

- No bones.

- Whew.

[Muffled speech]

I suppose I'm expected
to clean all this up, eh?

- Whoooaaa..

- What? What?

[Indistinct speech]