02x05 - Nursery Crimes/My Peeps

[bunniefuu]

- [Laughing]

- How 'bout a little fire,
scarecrow?

- [Snoring]

[Telephone rings]

[Groans]

Hello?

- Hi, mandy!

You're not gonna believe this,

But I just ate


Atomic frenzy cakes!

And,
and... Wait a second... [Gobbling]



19 Cream-filled
atomic frenzy cakes!

[Panting]

- And now you can't sleep again,

And you won't stop bugging me

Until I read you a
bedtime story... Again!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

- [Growling]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Come on, grim!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

- 18 1/2 Atomic frenzy cakes.

- 19.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah!

[Hawks]

- Billy, i...
- Shh!

Read us a bedtime story.

- Yeah, come on, mandy.

We might as well hear a story.

- Once upon a time... The end!

- No!

- Not to worry, boys.

I've got some bedtime
stories of my own.

- [Gasping]

- Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty dumpty had a great fall.

The greatest fall of all.

A really, really,
really great fall.

And he fell and
fell... And fell.

- [Screaming]

- All the king's horses

And all the king's men

And the starving villagers...

Had eggs for breakfast,
lunch, and dinner

Again and again and again.

Now, go to sleep.

- Hey!

Stories are supposed
to have happy endings.

- So?

- So?

[Gasps]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Once upon a time, there was...

A happy village in
the middle of nowhere

Called... Happy nowhere village.

Now, everyone was happy there

Except an old tree wizard
named chuck.

Oh, and his pet
pomeranian named...

Benjamin.

- [Barking]

- Now, chuck wasn't invited to

Any happy nowhere
village parties

Because he was evil and mean.

Oh, and, and, and smelly!

And, and he had
oral gum disease

'Cause he didn't floss.

Oh, yeah, yeah, and he
was a 906-pound giant!

- [Barking]

- One day, chuck decided
to cast an evil spell

On the happy villagers.

But they all looked so happy

That chuck changed his mind
at the last minute...

And decided to make them
origami giraffes instead...

Which made the villagers
even happier.

- [Oohing]

- Which made chuck happy.

- [Laughing]

- So happy that he decided
to turn their man-made lake

Into solid gold!

- [Giggling]

- Which made the happy
villagers filthy rich!

So, they built bigger houses...

Bought fancy home
theater systems

From the future,
got their teeth fixed,

And got benjamin's
vocal cords removed.

[No audio]

Never was there
a happier village

Of billionaire friends.

And they lived
happily every after.

[Sniffles]
the end.

- Great, now go to bed.

- Hold on, mandy.

I got a story, too.

Behold the supernatural
storybook of the underworld.

- What do you mean
"supernatural"?

- You'll see soon enough.

Once upon a time there
lived two hungry children

Named hansel... - What?!

- And gretal.

- Oh, that's what you mean.

- Now, I warn you two,

Once the story has begun,
it must be finished.

So, stick with the story
as I tell it or else.

- Whatever, grim.

If this is the story of
"hansel and gretal,"

Then all we want to do is eat
the stupid gingerbread house.

- Good!

Now, hansel and gretal were
hungry mountain children

Who went into
the woods to... To...

Hey, where's billy?!

Billy?!

Billy?!

Billy?!

- [Baa]

- Oh, there you are.

I told you to stick
with the story

Of "hansel and gretal."

- Oh, you mean the story
of the two starving kids

Who go to the woods
to find some food

And get fattened up
by a nice old lady

In a gingerbread house,
but then it turns out

That the nice old lady is
really a mean old witch

Who just wanted to
fatten up the kids

So she could eat them?

But...

The kids give her the slip
at the last minute

And get away and live
happily ever after?

- Well, uh... Yes.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd love to, but I can't
'cause my new friend

Pinnochi-ochi-ochi-ochi-
ochi-ochi-ochi-ochio

Has asked me for dinner.

- [Laughs]

- Wait, billy! No!

- Hee hee hee!

- Well, I better go get him

Before he gets into trouble.

- Oh, it's too late.

I told you the story once
begun must be finished.

- Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Get a grip.

- Hey, what am I gonna eat?

- This is where I was born.

It's a lot of fun

'Cause there are lots
of toys and candy.

- Hey, is it true what
they say about your nose

Gets bigger when you lie?

- No.

Oh, ha ha ha.

- Tee hee hee hee!

- [Laughing]

- Gee, pinno... Nuchichicuquna,

You sure are funny.

- Funny?

Oh, there's nothing funny about

Being made of wood.

- What's that you say?

- I sure wish I was a
real boy... Like you.

- Ya... Yeah.

Well...

I gotta go.

- Yeah, and the only way
I can become a real boy

Is to devour the flesh
of a real boy.

[Clock ticking]

Can I please eat your flesh?

- [Gasps]

Oh, mandy.

I need you!

- Billy?

Have you seen a little
laughing boy with a huge nose?

- Hello!

I'm your grandma!

- 'Bout yea high.

Goes by the name of billy.

- Don't you want to
compliment my pretty eyes?

There as big as dinner plates.

- No.

Look, have you seen him or not?

- What about my teeth?

Pretty crazy choppers
for a grandma, huh?

Come touch 'em!

- Does this look like
a red hood to you?

- Uh... I'm color blind.

How could you not know

Your old grandma
was color blind?!

After all those
sweet summer evenings

We spent baking cookies.

[Sobbing]

Oh, I changed you diapers!

[Wailing]

- Look, if I don't get
a bathroom break

Every couple of hours,

You're the one who's
gonna be sorry.

- Have either of you two
seen a little boy

Named billy around here?

- Billy?

Billy.

Yeah, he went that way.

- Thanks, lady.

- [Yelling]

- You see, billy,

I warned you to stick
with the story.

- Yeah, billy.

Have you learned your lesson?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Always follow
the rules or else

Pinnutnetnichio
will eat you alive.

- Good enough.

[Crash]

- Hey, uh... Where are we going?

- Shut up.

Let's go, billy.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

[Doorbell rings]

- Bye, pinnolichilabadu!

Been nice knowing ya!

- What a darling little chair!

I have just the spot for you.

- No, no!

I'm not a chair!

I'm pinnochio!

No!

[Muffled screams]

[Crunch]

- Oh, fudge!

{\An7}- and they lived
happily ever after.

Let's go home, billy. Billy?

- [Snoring]

- All right, grim,
take us home.

Grim?

- [Snoring]

- Grim!

- [Snoring]

- Someday you will all pay.

- [Howling]

- [Grunting]

- Your time has come!

- Not on your life, creep!

- Ow!

- [Screaming]

- [Beeping and growling]

- Billy,
you're going to ruin your eyes

If you keep doing that.

Come on, we're late for school.

- [Screaming]

[Tires screeching]

- [Screaming]

- 5, 6, 7, 8... 9, 10!

[Cheering]

It's a new sun-stare record!

- Aw, that's nothing.

Want to see me do it again?




A kitty!

Come here, little puss!

- Rib eye, rib eye,
walla walla!

- [Screaming]

- [Groaning]

That has got to be
the stinkiest kitty!

I need to go to
the little boys room

And wash up.

- [Screaming]

[Teeth chomping]

- [Grunting]

Man, those boys can bite!

Boy, mandy,

You've been packing
on the pounds lately.

[Screaming]

Boy, something's really
wrong with this pizza.

- Oh, really?

I think something's
wrong with your eyes.

That's the veal sweetbreads.

- Just a piece of
bad pizza, that's all.

I can see just fine.

- How many fingers
am I holding up?

- Uh, 6? 3! No, 12.

Wait a minute, I take that back.



You need glasses.

- No way!

Glasses are for nerds,
and I am not a nerd!

- Hey, billy,

Want to go play
dungeons and dinobinoids?

- Yeah!

I'll go get my 10-sided dice!

- It's time for an intervention.

- No!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Don't do this to me!

I beg you!

No!

He'll steal my soul!

- Well, if he don't,
I get second dibs.

- Which looks better,

Number one or number two?

Number one or... - Dr. Cornea,

Could we please stop saying
"number one" and "number two"?

I makes me gotta pee!

- Sure thing, billy.

I'm going to recommend
that you wear

Contact lenses.

Once you get used to them,

Inserting contact lenses
can be an enjoyable part

Of your daily routine.

Simply place your fingers
around the eye socket

And hold it open...

While you gently affix
your contact lens

To the surface of your eye.

Ow. Aaah!

Sweet georgia brown,
that stings!

Ooh, the pain!

The pain of it all!

Piece of cake.

- [Teeth chattering]

- Well, then...

I guess my only
other alternative

Would be corrective
laser surgery.

- That's sounds fun.

What's that?

It's where we take this
little laser beam,

And we zap your eyes
till you can see better.

- This calls for
drastic measures.

- [Laughing]

- You're getting that surgery.

- [Screams]

- Oh, no! I'm gonna die!

I'm gonna die!

[Screams gibberish]

- There.

Now, was that so bad?

- I can see.

I can see!

Everything is so
clear and vivid

And magnificent... Even irwin!

Hey, irwin!

[Gasps]

- [Whistling]

- No!

- What are you
screaming about, billy?

- Irwin, you... I mean,
you... Are you ok?

- Of course I'm... Whoa! Agh!

[Groaning]

- [Siren blares]

- I'm sure glad that wasn't me.

- You know, pud'n,

Something really weird happened

Just before irwin...

- [Elephant trumpeting]

- [Screams]

- Well, see ya around, weirdo.

I'm going to the zoo.

- Pud'n's parents
have informed me

That due to being trampled
by elephants at the zoo,

He won't be back to
school for some time.

However, this is
a wonderful opportunity

To practice making
get-well cards.

You'll find glue, scissors,
and paper on your desks.

- Hey, you gonna
share that paste,

Or just eat it all again?

- [Screams]

- Weirdo.

- [Groaning]

[Straining]

- Billy... What are
you doing in there?

- Get out of my head!

Get out of my head!

- Billy!

What's going on?

- Oh, grim, you gots to listen!

It's like I'm seeing things...

Bad things, man,
happening to peoples.

And mandy's head... It was
on a table like a doily.

An elephant stepped on pud'n.

- Hmm.

It is possible my magic surgery

Is causing you to be able
to see into the future.

For a short while, anyway.

- Grim, what is going on?

- [Screams]

[Sobbing]

Oh, mandy!

I was too late to save you!

- Huh?

Oh, this.

I got cast as a table
in the school play.

If you laugh, I'll k*ll you.

- You mean you're all right?

- The real question is:
are you?

Ever since grim
zapped your eyes,

You've been acting
like an idiot.

Well, more of an idiot.

Grim, fix him.

- Well, i...
- Are you crazy, mandy?

I'm not letting him
zap me again.

Something worse might happen.

- Come back here!

- [Grunts]

- Quick, grim,

Zap his eyes back
the way they were.

- Hold him steady there, mandy.

- Let go of me, mandy.

Let go! Let go! Let go!

- Kids! Kids!

Stop fighting!

I can't get a clear shot!

Oh, well...

Do you think it worked?

- Zap him again
just to make sure.

- [Screaming]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

- [Speaking japanese]

- Hmm!

- I can't understand
a thing you're saying!

Mandy?

Grim?

- I finally think he's
back to normal.

- [Giggles]

- [Snarls]

Oh, so you're laughing at me?!

Give me that!

You're trying
to mess with me,

Aren't you, grim?

Well, I'm not gonna let ya!

You hear? I'm not gonna let ya!

- I assure you

Your suspicions are
completely unfounded.

Mandy and I are only
here to help you.

- [Yelling gibberish]

Stay away from my eyes!

- Billy!

This is madness!

- [Screaming]

Have a taste of your own
medicine, you creep!

Aah!

- [Panting]

- I vote we
go out for smoothies.

- Agreed.

- [Yelling gibberish]

- I just wanted
my 10-sided dice back.

You're out of your mind!

- This madness has got to stop!

- [Struggling]

- Now hold still!

- Hey! Let go of me, you creep!

[Screaming]

- That should do it.

Oops!

- Ew.

- What?

- [Muffled backward voices]