02x04 - House of Pain/Grim Prophecy, A/Mandy Bites Dog

[bunniefuu]

- Ha ha ha!

- Punishment is its own reward.

- Ahh.

[Burp]

Ready, mandy.

- I thought we were
going to play tennis.

- This is how they
play it in france.

- Are you sure?

Hey! You missed the cans.

- Who's aiming at the cans?

- Where'd everybody go?
Who turned out the lights?

Mandy! Grim! Oh, my gosh!
You've turned into tennis ba*ls.

Tennis... [Sobs]

ba*ls.

[Sobbing]

Aah! Unh!

[Thunder]

You must be a figment
of my warped little imagination.

- I am lord pain,
the great and terrible.

I have traveled a great distance

{\An7}from the plain
of eternal suffering
to serve the master.

- Whoa! You must be thirsty.

- Take me to your master!

- But nobody can see the master,

Not until you finished
your homework.

Ooh!

Right this way, mr. Pain.

Yeah. I serve
the master, too, you know.

Heck, I do whatever he says.

And here he is, my master.

Ahh.

{\An5}- and it's easy to use.
Simply spread it on,
then peel it off.

Didn't hurt a bit.
No more unsightly nubs

With snappin' turtle
bikini wax.

- [Gasp]

Well, somebody
needs a time-out.

- This is not the master!

- You won't make any friends
with that attitude.

Aah!

No more unsightly nubs.

- Ohh! Ohh! Me aching head.

The french must be crazy.

- I seek the grim reaper!

- I am the grim reaper,
you twit.

- You?

- Of course me.
Who do you think?

I... Ohh.

Ha ha.

Ok, now.

- Master.

A thousand pardons, master.

Oh, I dreamed of this day.

I am lord pain from the plain
of eternal suffering.

I have traveled a great distance
to serve the master.

Behold, I bring gifts.

- Confections from the undead,
great one.

- Oh, you're gonna love these.

- A little chocolate head!

- Aah!

- With a screamy filling.
Yummy.

- I will now demonstrate
my prowess

By speaking in the dark,
forbidden tongue

Not meant for the ears
of mortals.

[Clicking and squeaking]

- Hey, grim, have you seen
that weirdo nor...

[Blathering]

- Enough already.
- But that's not all.

Voila! I have tattooed
my entire body with your image.

- Ok, now, this is
getting weird.

- I am your dog, master.
Command, and I will obey.

- That's all
very flattering, man,

But I haven't any use for...

- Grim, it's chore day,
you slacker,

So stop monkeying
with that hillbilly dork

And go clean the toilet.

- Rotten kids.
Working me hands to the bone.

If I could only dupe some dope
into doing the dirty deed,

I would crush the both of them
like the little bugs they are!

- Excuse me?

- Say, I may have some use
for you after all.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

- So, grim, what's up
with the puke in the can?

- That, my dear, is lord pain,
the great and terrible.

{\An5}he comes all the way
from the land
of pickle sandwiches.

- Uh, that's plain
of eternal suffering.

- That's it.
Anyway, my wish is his command.

You dig?

- So you have him
clean the toilet?

- Absolutely.

- You really
disappoint me, grim.

- What? I hate that job.

{\An7}- you lack creativity.
Now, if he were my servant,

{\An7}i would have him do all sorts
of humiliating things.

Oh, by the way,
I'm borrowing your leg.

- Hey!

- I need it to get the remote
from behind the couch.

- Mandy, bring back
my leg at once.

Mandy, mandy! I mean it, mandy!
Come back here, you little brat!

This isn't funny, young lady.
I won't stand for this!

Whoa!

- Master!

- [Muttering]

I hate those kids!

- Master, you are vexed
by these children?

Why do you not
do away with them?

- I can't. We have a deal.

- I know what I must do!

- W-w-whoa!

- Prepare to enter
the spirit world, billy!

Ha ha ha!

- Neat. But first let's have
some milk and cookies.

- [Thinking]
hmm. His power is great.

- Chocolate chip.
Mama made them.

- This is delicious!
Thank you, billy.

- I like the way you
break stuff.

Lord pain is
a funny name. Hee hee!

- My name seems funny to you?

Oh, what's the use?
I may as well come clean.

You see, billy, my name isn't
really lord pain.

It's... It's charles.

And I'm not really

From the plain
of eternal suffering either.

I'm really from the plain
of happy ponies.

- So, uh, you're a sissy.

Hee hee hee!
Sissy boy! Ha ha!

- I'm such a yutz.

- Sissy.

- Oh. I must be going crazy.

- Mandy, I know you're in there.
Give me back my leg at once!

- The master.

- I'm warning you, mandy.
You don't want to make me mad.

I get angry when I'm mad!

Whoa! Whoa!

- I've got you, master.

- You again.

- No need to worry
about the boy, master.

- Ooh! I shouldn't have had
that last cookie.

- How may I further
serve you, master?

- If you really want to help,
get my leg back from mandy.

- I will recover it
posthaste, master.

- Hey. Shut the door.
What? Were you raised in a barn?

- Hey!

- So, lord pain,
what brings you here?

- I've come for the leg
and also to pulverize you

For upsetting the master.

{\An5}- just who do you think
the master is around here
anyway, mr. Pain?

- What's going on in there?
I can't see a thing.

Screaming pixies!
He's mashed mandy
like a potato. Yes!

Ha ha ha!

That means I'm finally free
of those rotten children.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Huh?

- Who let him in?

- Lord pain, what are you doing?

- I'm mashing potatoes
for the master. Ha ha ha!

- I don't want mashed potatoes.

- Oh, it's not for you.

{\An5}mandy explained everything,
so now I'm finally doing
what I came to do...

I'm serving the master.

- Yeah, and the master
is hungry,

So you two stooges
cut the chitchat

And make
with the mashed potatoes.

- I've got the spuds covered!
You make the gravy.

- Check... Mate.

- Unh.
- Uhh.

- Ugh.
- Ohh.

- Unh.
- Blug.

- Hey, there, guys.

I saw you making
that thingy there,

And I just happened to notice

That all y'all's shoelaces
are untied.

Hoo hoo! Yeah! Whoo!

{\An7}stupid neanderthals,
shoelaces haven't
been invented yet.

Give me a sec here. Yeah.

- This is your first assignment.

It is time for you to embrace
your destiny, little grimmy.

From this moment forward,
you will be the grim reaper.

- I don't want to be
the grim reaper.

I just want to
sing... ♪ And i... I will

- Enough. You'll do what
your mother tells you.

Singing is for birds
and sissies.

Now, get out there and reap!

- Good luck, grimmy.
Mommy is so proud of you.

- And don't poke your eye out
with that scythe.

- Hey, you primitive jerkwads,

Check out the stone hat
I invented.

Stone hats are way better
than dung hats. Unh!

Wave of the future, baby. Ohh!

- I know you.

{\An5}- my name is grimmy,
and I've come to reap
your immortal soul.

- I know you have come for me,
for I have foreseen it

In my fire!

I have seen your future,
as well, a terrible future,

A future where you
are controlled

By two mere children
for all eternity.

- Aah!

Oh. It was just a dream.

- Ooh! Ooh! I had a dream, too.

It was the one
where I'm a ferret,

And you buy me
and take me to the fair,

And I win a ribbon
because I'm fat.

Hee hee hee!

- Aah!

- Grim, nobody's gonna
be able to sleep

If you're up screaming
all night again.

Give me your head.

It's spending the night
in the dumpster.

- Aah!

- I have seen
your future, as well.

You will soon suffer
an eternity of commercials.

Ha ha ha!

- Hey, nerds, guess who's going
camping this weekend... Me!

Ha ha ha!

I'm going camping with my dad.

- See, mandy? Only a man
can tie a bow like that.

- Oh, ok.
Well, have a safe trip.

[Tire squeals]

- Eeh!

[Ruff ruff ruff]

- Saliva.
Saliva, what's wrong with you?

[Saliva whimpering]

Saliva, that's a toy chihuahua.

[Yap]

[Whimpering]

[Blows nose]

[Barking]

- Wow, mandy, what a brave
dog you have.

Did you teach him
to pee himself and run away?

Come on, little delicious.
Later, loser!

- You know, I hate to say it,
but saliva is totally pathetic.

Now, my dog from the underworld,
cerebus, that was a dog.

He was big,
but he knew who was in charge.

He did everything I told him.
Best dog ever.

- So mindy wants to see
a scary dog, huh?

We're gonna turn saliva
into a demon dog.

[Whimpers]

All right, saliva,
no more mr. Nice dog, got it?

It's time you showed
your mean side.

A little meaner than that.

Saliva, you need to be savage
like a wolf...

[Whimpers]

Or a lion.

[Whimpers]

- Or a bunny.

[Whimpers and howls]

Well, he certainly has that
peeing himself thing down pat.

This is making me miss my dog.

- Where is your dog?

- Oh. I leave cerebus
at home with me mom
for protection,

But I can call him
anytime I want to

By using a special dog whistle.

- Big, gaudy thing with skulls
and junk all over it.

- Hey. How did you know?

- I won it off billy
in a board game.

- He thought it was
the race car game piece.

- What have you done?

- I've called your perfect dog
so I can have a look at it.

- No! I was only kidding!
Sweet nelly!

Cerebus is a monster.

He didn't just eat me homework.
He ate me dad!

Can't you tell when I'm kidding?

- Does that comet have a tail?

[Growling]

- It's cerebus. Happy now?

[Growling]

[Grr]

- Which one is cerebus?

- They're all cerebus.

Cerebus, sit.

[Growling and barking]

Right then.

Help! Call the dogcatcher! Help!
Ooh! Ooh! Aah! Aah!

Ooh! Ow! Eeh! Ohh!

Hey, I need that.

Ooh, no, no, bad dog.

- Looks like someone needs
to be taught some manners.

Cerebus, I'm giving you till 3
to put the skeleton down.



Ok. We can do this the hard way.

[Rawwr]

[Arf]

Now. Parlez vous fran-sit!

Spit him out.

All of him.

[Grr]

[Coughing]

- Well, dad seems fine.

- See, grim?
It's all about discipline.

That's a good boy.
I think you deserve a treat.

How about a nice big steak?

[Barking]

Well, this is awkward.

[Cerebus growling]

[Saliva howls]

Oh. It's ok, boy.
Don't get upset.

That's just my old dog... Saliva.

Now, give mama some sugar.

[Saliva whimpering]

Come on, cerebus.

Let's find mindy and show her
what a real dog is made of.

My mom's not going to be happy
if you do that in the house.

Maybe we should start
with some basic training.

See this stick? Fetch!

- You know, honey,
my favorite part

Of having a car this big
is the sense of security.

Well, what the... [Clang]

[Thud]

[Panting]

- Well, I give you
an "a" for effort,

But the next time I say fetch,
fetch the stick.

Fetch... Stick...

Uh, saliva, that's not a stick.
That's a snake.

[Hiss]

[Arf]

[Snake chomping]

Saliva, go home.

Come on, cerebus.
We've got things to do
and mindys to scare.

[People screaming]

[Whimpering]

[Whimpering]

[Sirens blaring]

- Hey, dorkshire, where's that
good-for-nothing dog of yours?

What's his name? Useless?

- I got a new dog.

I'm sure he's
around here somewhere.

[Growling]

[Growling]

[Arf]

[Arf]

[Arf]

[Arf]

- So, woof.

- So, mandy,
what's it feel like?

- What?
- Being a loser all the time?

Does it burn?

Come on, little delicious.

We've spent enough time
with the loser league.

Little delicious?

Little delicious, get over here!

- I now pronounce you
dog and dogs.

- Little delicious, you tr*mp!
Come here now!

[Whimpering]

[Little delicious yapping]

[Arf]

[Barking]

- Oh, there you are, saliva.
Good boy.

Don't worry, mindy.

Someday, you'll be loved,
I guess.

Go ahead, saliva.
Show mindy some love.

- Ohh!

You sticky, slimy, ugly,
pathetic, mangy mutt.

You fat, little, dopey dog!
How dare you lick me?

{\An5}you have to be
the grossest, shortest,
most repugnant dog ever!

That's why you're a loser!
Just look at you.

Those little eyes,
that dribbling nose,

And what is with all the drool?

I have never seen
such a cowardly dog
in all my life!

You are biggest lump
of useless fur

That ever walked
the face of the earth!

[Growling and barking]

Mandy, control your dog. Aah!

- Nobody saw that, right?

Boy, saliva, you really are
a pathetic dog...

But I guess you're
my pathetic dog.

Come on. Let's go home.

[Saliva barking]

- Ahh. No cerebus, no billy.

Things are really
starting to look up.

- I'm home! Hey, grim!

- What, billy?

- Guess what I got
while we were camping.

- I'm sure I don't care.

- Aw, come on, guess.

- I don't know. A rash.

- No!

Well, yes, but something else.

- I don't care.
Now, let me enjoy my day.

- Oh, it's ok, little fella.
Grim's just cranky

Because he lost his dog,
but don't worry, grim.

We can share little chiba.

- Ohh!
- She's growling.

I think he likes you.
Go play, boy!