01x15 - The Rules of the Game

[bunniefuu]

[birds chirping]

[Brian] Oops.

[Alice] Ha-ha,
I get to move ahead ten spaces.

-[Brian] Why?
-Because you knocked your pieces over.

[Brian] That's not fair.

You just made that up.

I'm calling Mom.

[door slams]

Mom. Alice is cheating.

I am not.

[Brian] She keeps making up new rules.

Dinah, I don't wanna play
this dumb game anymore anyway.

I've got a better idea.

[theme song playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here on the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

Rabbit, where are my grapes?

-What was that, Your Majesty?
-My grapes. Oh, thank you, Rabbit.

Rabbit. Rabbit!

Hmm? Oh!

The royal grapes should
never be further than my fingertips.

I'm sorry, Your Majesty.

I was terribly distracted
by the Hatter and the Hare.

First they ran that way,
then they ran that way,

-then they ran that way, then they ran--
-Oh!

I wonder what they're up to.

-[crashing]
-Ooh!

Harrumph.
Interrupting my afternoon snack and nap.

-I guess we better go see.
-Yeah.

There. It's all finished.

-What's finished?
-Why, the finish is, Your Majesty.

-The finish is finished?
-For the big finish.

The finish is finished for the big finish?

Finally.

Well, will somebody please tell me what--?

Finish line?

Surely, Your Majesty
hasn't forgotten what day this is.

Well, of course I haven't forgotten.
It's, uh-- It's--

It's the day of the royal games,
Your Majesty.

I knew that.

Oh, how I love the royal games.

So who's in charge this year?

-We are.
-We are.

-You?
-Sure.

We always like to start what we finish.

[puffing]

[clamoring]

Hey! [chuckles]

Step right up, sports fans.

Hare has all the equipment
you need for the royal games.

-Yeah.
-One pair for you.

-Ooh!
-One pair for you.

One pair for you.

One for you.

Oh, I was hoping
we'd play something I was good at.

Like tennis.

Tennis? What makes
you think we're gonna play tennis?

Well, this is a tennis racket, isn't it?

It most certainly is not.

It's a woboot.

And these look just about
the right size for your feet. [chuckles]

-My feet?
-Sure.

Everyone knows
you can't play Miwok without woboots.

-It's the rule.
-You have rules in Wonderland?

Why, of course we do.

How could we get along without them?

♪ There are rules in Wonderland ♪

♪ Just like in any other land ♪

♪ Alice, don't look so surprised ♪

♪ We are really very civilized ♪

♪ As a rule ♪

♪ When you find a piece of string ♪

♪ You must tie it on your toe ♪

♪ And if someone asks you why ♪

♪ You must answer ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ These are rules are so sensible ♪

♪ We compiled them ourselves ♪

♪ We've got several volumes of them ♪

♪ They're sitting on our shelves ♪

♪ If you meet a man on ice skates
And he gives you a wheelbarrow ♪

♪ You must not walk backwards for a week ♪

♪ Or whistle like a sparrow ♪

Yes. Yes, that's very important. [sneezes]

♪ When you sneeze in public
You must fill your shoes with glue ♪

♪ Turn yourself around three times
And say ♪

♪ c*ck-a-doodle-doo ♪

♪ The rules of Wonderland are so simple ♪

♪ Yet profound ♪

♪ They never cease to amaze ♪

♪ They wonder and astound ♪

[laughing]

So you see,
rules are very important around here.

Especially the rules to Miwok.

-Here you go.
-Oh, and for you.

Thanks. Hey, this is gonna be fun.

Nice equipment.

And a one and two and three and four
and five and six and seven and eight

and reach and two and three and four
and make it burn, seven, eight--

Oh, Rabbit.

Oh, dear. I'm afraid
I don't know the rules to Miwok.

No problem. They're as simple as ABZ.

Shouldn't that be ABC?

Well, they're not that simple.

Miwok is played by two-man teams.

Two-man teams?

Can't girls play?

What about mice?

Of course. I meant two-creature teams.

Each creature
will wear woboots at all times.

-The batter will tea up the woball.
-Very carefully.

He then must say the magic words.

Miwok, may I?

[Dormouse screams]

And quickly
throw the woball to his partner.

Who catches it in his wobasket.

See? Simple, huh?

Well, I think I understand the rules,

but I'm afraid I still don't know
what the object of the game is.

[all gasp]

The object of the game is...

[all] To win!

Say, Hatter,
isn't it time to choose partners?

You took the words
right out of my mouth. [chuckles]

She sure did. I don't see them anywhere.

Oh-- [laughs]

Alice, pick a straw.

Remember, short straw
gets to be the queen's partner.

Well, I guess I'm not the queen's partner.

But you are. That's the short straw.

I'll be your partner, Dee.

And of course
I'll be your partner, Hatter.

Of course.

Well, why didn't
anyone else have to choose straws?

Because we already
figured out who got stuck with the--

I mean, who gets to play with Her Majesty.

Well, what about you, Mr. Rabbit?

Me? I'm the official Miwok referee.

[blows whistle]

I make sure
we follow all of the rules to a tee.

Tea? Not now.
Maybe after the prize has been awarded.

-Prize?
-Oh, yes.

We're playing for a lovely grand prize.

Tweedles, tell Alice what she could win.

Yes, it's a beautiful bicycle
built for two.

Featuring deluxe saddles
for increased comfort,

low step-through frame,

and a really loud horn.

[horn blows]

Furnished by the lovely Regal Catalog.

Regal. Chicago, Illinois, 60609.

[laughs] Lovely.

Gee, I'd sure love to win that bicycle.
But I've never played this game before.

Then I'll bet you'd like to practice.

Especially walking in woboots.

-May I?
-Sure.

We'll wait for you on the first tea.

[all clamoring]

I still don't see
how I'll ever walk in these silly woboots.

You'll walk on them, but it won't be easy.

Oh, hi, Mr. Cat.

Miwok is such a silly game.

Take it from me,
you can have a lot more fun

chasing your tail.

Hey, tail, come here.
Come here, tail. [laughs]

Maybe so.

But if I play Miwok,

I have a chance
to win a beautiful bicycle.

I wonder what you would do
with a bicycle if you won one. [purrs]

♪ If I had a bicycle
I could ride anywhere ♪

♪ Go anyplace from here to there ♪

♪ I could see the world
I would tour the land ♪

♪ Visit all my friends
It would be so grand ♪

♪ Ride the wind, stare at the sky ♪

♪ Pedal so fast, I might even fly ♪

♪ If I had a bicycle
I could ride anywhere ♪

♪ Go anyplace from here to there ♪

♪ I'll set the pace ♪

♪ Take the lead ♪

♪ Win that race with lightning speed ♪

♪ Win that race fair and square ♪

♪ Beat the Hatter by a hair ♪

♪ If I had a bicycle
I could ride anywhere ♪

♪ Go anyplace from here to there ♪

[purrs]

Well, I better
practice now with my woboots.

And after that... I have to practice
catching my woball in my wobasket.

-Uh-huh.
-Say...

you wouldn't know anyone here
who'd like to throw the woball to me,

-would you?
-Around here?

I don't see anyone around here.

Do you?

[sighs]

[all laughing]

Okay, everybody.

-It's time to start the royal games.
-Yeah.

But first, let's see what the score is.

The Hatter and the Hare
are in the lead with ten points.

The queen and Alice
are close behind with eight.

And the Tweedles trail with two.

What? How can we already be in last place?

Yes. We haven't even started.

And how can you
and Whiskers there be in the lead

when we haven't even teed off?

Well, of course, Your Majesty,
we wanna be fair about this.

So why don't you be the first to tee off?

Wait a minute. We can't start.

My partner, Alice, isn't here yet.

But, Your Majesty, that means
you get to play twice as much.

Oh, so it does.

Well, then, let's hurry
before she gets back. Rabbit!

Coming, Your Royal Majesty.

-Your Royal--
-Oh, just hand me my wobasket.

[clears throat]
Before you start, Your Majesty,

one teeny-tiny rule change.

No wobaskets.

And no woboots.

From now on, you'll be kicking the ball.

Oh, we're only on the first tea,
and you're already changing the rules?

Can you do that?

Of course.
That's the most important rule of Miwok.

We can change the rules at any time.

Oh, that's right.

Say, Hatter.

Did we remember to tell Alice that rule?

Gee, I'm not sure. But not to worry.
That may be one of the rules we change.

♪ I'm a natural to compete ♪

♪ With my six hands and my two feet ♪

♪ Won every race while at the U ♪

♪ I'm quite good at karate too ♪

♪ It's so simple, can't you see? ♪

♪ There isn't any mystery ♪

♪ Find the rhythm, get into it ♪

♪ Find the rhythm, watch me do it ♪

♪ It's back and forth, out and in ♪

♪ Side to side, add some spin ♪

♪ I'm so skilled at all I do ♪

♪ With both eyes closed ♪

♪ My aim is true ♪

♪ It's so simple, can't you see? ♪

♪ There isn't any mystery ♪

♪ Find the rhythm, get into it ♪

♪ Find the rhythm, watch me do it ♪

Hey, Mr. Caterpillar,

were you by any chance
practicing Miwok just now?

Certainly not.

Oh...

Well... sometimes it's hard to tell.
Miwok is such a complicated game.

I don't find it complicated at all.

You don't?
Then maybe you can help me practice.

Well, come to think of it,

I have coached
more than my share of successful athletes.

Who do you think
taught Babe Ruth how to hit a baseball?

You taught Babe Ruth
how to hit a baseball?

No. But who do you think did?

Well, no matter, let's play ball.

Okay, I'm ready.

Hey, don't forget,
I've only got one pair of arms.

Pity.

Maybe just one woball at a time.

Why do you want to learn this game anyway?

So I can win a bicycle.

Bicycle?

Hmm...

That reminds me of a story.

Let's stop practicing
and I'll read it to you.

Oh, great.

Once there was
a busy brown bear named Boris.

[bell rings]

Boris had so many things he liked to do
that there was barely enough time.

[panting]

Poor Boris never seemed
to enjoy what he was doing.

He decided to invent
a faster way to get around.

He took two wheels,
attached to them to a frame,

and added two pedals for pure paw power.

-[humming]
-He called the new invention a bearcycle.

And he rode it everywhere.

Then one day, Boris met Bearina.

[gibbers]

And Boris wanted
to take her for a ride on his bearcycle.

But alas, there was only room for one.

Boris had another great idea.

He turned the bearcycle
with two wheels and one seat

into a bearcycle
with two wheels and two seats.

Boris had built
the first bearcycle built for two.

[sighs]

And Boris and Bearina
lived happily ever after.

That's how the bearcycle got its name.

Bearcycle? But isn't it called a bicycle?

Well, now it is.

The bears rode around so fast,

they didn't have time
to say hello and goodbye.

So everyone just waved, "Bye!"

Thus it became known as the bye-cycle.

Well, I thought it was called
a bicycle because it had two wheels.

"Bi" means two,
and "cycle" means circular.

So a two-wheeler is a bicycle.

Well, that's another way
to look at it, I suppose.

Well, I've gotta
get back to the royal games.

Thanks for all your help, Mr. Caterpillar.

You're welcome, Alice.
Now, go win one for the old wiggler.

[blows whistle]

Here you are, Mr. Rabbit.

I thought everyone
was gonna wait for me at the first tea.

Oh, nothing personal, Alice.

It's just that when the royal games
get started, there's no stopping them.

Oh, my goodness.

What's happened
to their woboots and wobaskets?

[Mad Hatter laughing]

Excuse me, Alice. [blows whistle]

[laughing]

Two-minute penalty.
You didn't say "Miwok, may I?"

Come on, ref.
Hatter changed that rule two teas ago.

Oh, yes, so he did.

Well, never mind.

Boy, some people.

[blows whistle]

Here I am, Your Majesty,
and I've been practicing with my woboots.

Oh, no. No, no woboots.
It's strictly against the rules.

Oh, yes.

[blows whistle]

-Two-minute penalty for that.
-What?

-Didn't you hear the rule change?
-No.

-Was there a change in the rules?
-Just a teensy-weensy one. Hare.

No wobaskets, no woboots.

Wobars, wobands.

Oh, dear. I'm afraid
I'm not prepared for this round.

And you want to practice?

Of course you do.
We'll meet you on the next tea.

-Oh, yes, yes, yes.
-[blows whistle]

Oh, and, Alice? Lose the woboots

-or I'll have to penalize you.
-Okay.

Say, Hatter, did we remember to tell Alice

the most important rule of Miwok?

You mean the one that says
you can change the rules at any time?

-Yes, that's the one.
-You know, I don't think so.

But it's not like we change
the rules every time we turn around.

-Rule change!
-Rule change!

[all cheering] Yay!

[cheering] Yay!

[cheering] Rule change!

[blows whistle]

Rule change!

Thank goodness I finally found you. I--

Oh, no.

I'm too late. The games are already over.

Not at all.
You're just in time for the big finish.

Unless you'd like to practice some more.

Oh, no, I'm staying here.
Every time I go out to practice,

by the time I've come back,
you've changed the rules.

But of course.

After all,
the most important rule of Miwok is...

[both] You can change the rules
at any time.

What? Why, that's the silliest thing
I've ever heard of.

How true that is.

-Don't knock it. We're in the lead.
-Now, how can that be?

I haven't even played yet.

-And it's a good thing too.
-Yeah, last round, they made a rule

that for every round you played,
you lost five points.

Now, just remember, anybody can still win,
because now it's time for...

[blowing off-key]

The grand finale.

[all laughing]

Oh, now, this is nice.
I always do better when I look my best.

Oh, uh... Uh... Mm.

Oh, of course.
This is to tie my leg to the queen's

-for the three-legged race.
-Yeah.

Not too tight, Alice. I'm very delicate.

Ready? Okay.

On your mark...

Get-- Get set-- Get-- [yells]

Go.

[whistle blows]

[whooping and laughing]

We did it! We won.

Put her there, partner.

♪ We are the champions
And quite the pair ♪

♪ Where we work together
A victory, we share ♪

♪ Stick with me, I made you shine ♪

♪ When we ran this race
And crossed the finish line ♪

♪ Because of me, you won this race ♪

♪ Remember, Dee, I set the pace ♪

♪ I'm so glad you won ♪

♪ We make such a team ♪

♪ Because you are my partner
We are victorious and supreme ♪

♪ Perhaps you're right
But you should know ♪

♪ I pulled you along
'Cause you were slow ♪

♪ There's no one else
Who can take my place ♪

♪ Thanks to me, you won this race ♪

♪ We are the champions and quite a pair ♪

♪ When we work together
A victory, we share ♪

♪ I'm so glad you won ♪

♪ We make such a team ♪

♪ Because you are my partner ♪

♪ We are victorious and supreme ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Excellent race. Congratulations.

-That beautiful bicycle is ours, brother.
-Yeah.

So if you'll excuse us,
Dee and I have some serious cycling to do.

Hold everything. They're not the winners.

-They are.
-Yes, Your Majesty.

Clearly, Your Majesty,
they crossed the finish line first.

Yeah. You couldn't miss it.
They even did it in slow motion.

Never mind about that.

When crossing the finish line,
the taller player has to be on the left.

And we all saw
that Tweedle Dum was on the left.

And he's not taller than Tweedle Dee.
So they're disqualified, and we win.

-But that's-- That's, uh...
-That's a rule change. That's what it is.

And don't forget.
The most important rule of Miwok

is you can change the rules at any time.

I-- But, Your Majesty,
only the people in charge of the games

can change the rules.

And this year,
the Hatter and I are in charge.

So, what's your point?

I guess my point is that...
Rules are made to be changed?

Exactly.
Now, give Alice and me the bicycle.

But, Your Majesty, this isn't fair.

We didn't really win.

Maybe you didn't, but I certainly did.

-So just be glad you're my partner.
-But what's the use of playing

if you're just gonna change the rules
so you can win?

-[all gasp]
-Rule change!

People who argue with the queen
can't be on her team.

Now, hand over my bicycle.

Yeah-- Allow me, Your Majesty.

So... aren't you going to congratulate me?

Oh, yes. Well done, Your Cheatesy.
Your Majesty.

Boy, games are sure more fun
when the rules stay the same.

Isn't it a beautiful bicycle? [chuckles]

Out of my way. I'm coming through.

-But, Your Majesty...
-Hoo-whee.

Out of my way, I say. [laughs]

But the brakes...

they're only on the back.

[Red Queen] Rabbit! Rabbit!

[crashing]

Well...

-Anyone for another round of Miwok?
-Yeah!

Oh, sure, Dinah,
just wait till my back is turned,

then move my game piece
all the way back to start.

[meows]

Obviously you haven't learned

that cheaters never prosper.

And they also don't get
an extra scoop of tuna at dinnertime.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪