01x09 - That's All, Jokes!

[bunniefuu]

[funky music playing]

[Alice shrieks nearby]

[Brian giggling]

I've had enough of my little brother
and his stupid practical jokes.

Look, Dinah.

He put this dumb fake rubber mouse
in my lunchbox.

-[shrieks]
-[Brian giggling]

Brian, you are so immature.

[Brian continues giggling]

Just wait till I get even with you, Brian.

I need a good idea on how to get even.

And I know just where I can get it.

[mystical music playing]

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here
On the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day it's something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme, and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

[zany music playing]

[dishes crashing]

[humming]

♪ Teaspoons on the right ♪

♪ Napkins on the left ♪

♪ Glasses ♪

Oh, you're a knockout. [chuckles]

♪ On the right ♪

-Hello, Mr. Hatter.
-Oh! Oh, Alice.

You're early. I thought you were Hare.

But I am here.

No, no, if you were Hare,
he would be here.

And that would spoil the surprise.

You're giving Mr. Hare
a surprise tea party?

A surprise joke party.

[chuckles]

Actually, it's been the rage all week.

We seem to be in the midst
of a practical-joke marathon.

A marathon?

You know. A never-ending number of jokes,

one after the other after the other.

Well, you get the idea.

And this glass
is just another little joke.

[zany music playing]

♪ Just another little joke
That's all it is ♪

♪ I'll play a little prank
That's all I'll do ♪

♪ The look in someone's eyes
At that moment of surprise ♪

♪ Another little joke
That's all it is ♪

♪ I'll play another little trick on him ♪

♪ There isn't anything that he can do ♪

♪ Some water on his head
Or a frog inside his bed ♪

♪ I'll play another little trick
Real soon ♪

♪ Just another joke between friends ♪

♪ A bag of tricks that never ends ♪

♪ There's nothing I would rather do ♪

♪ Than to play a little joke on him ♪

♪ Just another little joke
That's all it is ♪

♪ I'll play a little prank
That's all I'll do ♪

♪ The look in someone's eyes
At that moment of surprise! ♪

♪ Another little joke
That's all it is ♪

♪ Another little joke
That's all it is ♪

See?

See what? It's just a glass.

A dribble glass.
It has a hole in its side.

So when you drink from it,
it dribbles down your chin.

[both laugh]

I can't wait until the Hare gets here.

Wait no longer.

Hare is here.

Just in time for tea.

And today...

it's iced tea.

This is for you.

And this...

[hums, then chuckles]

...is for you.

Try it. I put a little lemon in it,
just the way you like it.

How thoughtful.

[Mad Hatter & Alice laughing]

Why, Hare, you're all wet!

Yes. Well, it's a good thing
I brought my Hare dryer.

[all laughing]

-Ahh, then there's no hard feelings?
-Of course not.

I can take a good joke
as much as the next hare.

It was pretty funny.

My little prank did make quite a splash,
didn't it?

Ahh, excuse me a moment.
I got some crumpets in the oven here.

The joke's on me this time.

But just wait till the next tea party.

Something tells me
it won't be much of a party.

[quirky music playing]

Sorry I'm late.

I had to stop and pick up
these extra-special hot cross buns.

-I love hot cross buns.
-I know.

I brought them
to show that there's no hard feelings

for that hilarious little joke
you pulled on me at the last tea party.

That's very big of you.

-[gasps]
-Get them while they're hot.

Those sure smell good.

I'll have one, please.

Why don't we let the Hatter
have the first one? After all...

they are his favorite.

In fact, why don't you take
that nice plump one... there?

[suspenseful music playing]

You know...

it's not really right
for me to have the biggest one.

You take it.

Well?

Aren't you going to eat it?

Um...

Actually, I'd feel much better
if you ate it.

But it's not polite
for the host to eat first.

-You take it.
-I really couldn't.

-But I'm really not that hungry.
-Well, if neither of you wants it...

I'll take it.

Mm!

Good.

But what's that funny taste?

[screams] Hot! Water!

Oops, I should have warned you about that.

[shouts incoherently]

[steam hisses]

So you tried to get even

with the old "red-hot chili peppers
in the hot cross bun" trick, huh?

Well, it would have worked too if
Tweedle Dum hadn't taken the bun instead.

That was a great little joke, Hare.
A real hot idea.

You think that was funny, huh?

Oh, don't be mad. It was just a joke.

No sense getting all hot under the collar.

I mean, why get all steamed up?

After all,
there's nothing like a good joke

to help spice up the day.

I don't think this practical-joke marathon
is such a hot idea.

[Mad Hatter, Hare & Dee laughing]

[tranquil music playing]

So how you doing?

Great, just fine.

You're not still mad about
that super-spicy-bun business, are you?

Mad? Me? [chuckles]

Why would I be... mad?

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha
Hee, hee, hee ♪

♪ No hard feelings
'Cause the joke's on me ♪

♪ Everything's as perfect
As it possibly could be ♪

♪ There's no hard feelings
'Cause the joke's on me ♪

♪ A good laugh ♪

♪ A good giggle ♪

♪ A big chuckle
To make your insides wiggle ♪

-♪ No worries ♪
-♪ You're sure? ♪

♪ All's fair ♪

♪ It's funny you might think
That I could possibly care ♪

[both] ♪ Oh, ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha
Hee, hee, hee ♪

♪ No hard feelings
When the joke's on me ♪

♪ Everything's as perfect
As it possibly could be ♪

♪ There's no hard feelings
When the joke's on me ♪

-♪ I'm roaring ♪
-♪ Oh, my ♪

-♪ At the humor ♪
-♪ It was good ♪

♪ Who, me? Upset?
That's just a laughable rumor ♪

-♪ How silly ♪
-♪ Phew ♪

♪ What jesting ♪

♪ How I hate to give my smile
A chance for resting ♪

[both] ♪ Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha
Hee, hee, hee ♪

♪ No hard feelings
When the joke's on me ♪

♪ Everything's as perfect
As it possibly could be ♪

♪ There's no hard feelings
When the joke's on me, ha! ♪

I'm glad you feel that way.
It was pretty funny.

I mean, you should have seen your face.

Shh!

[whispers] What's up?

I've just spotted the most amazing bird.

-Oh, wow!
-"Oh, wow" what?

The rare and beautiful
Wonderland woodpecker.

I can't believe it. It's fantastic!

-[Dee] Really? Let me see.
-[Alice] May I see too?

Be my guest, after my brother.

-Oh, no, that's all right. Go ahead.
-No, wait!

I don't see anything.

Uh-- [snickers]

Nice try.

-What?
-Oh, nothing.

[Dee snickers]

What? So is there
a Wonderland woodpecker or not?

I'm sure it's around somewhere.

Yeah, it's probably circling
over us right now.

[both snickering]

I don't know what's so funny.

Oh, never mind.

I'll come back later,
when you two aren't feeling so... silly.

[Dee & Dum laughing]

I've heard of having circles
under your eyes--

But circles around them?

[Dee & Dum continue laughing in distance]

-Hello, Mr. Cat.
-Hello, Alice.

May I ask, why are you wearing
those strange-looking eyeglasses?

Eyeglasses? I don't have on eyeglasses.

Hmm, then is it some sort of disguise?

Disguise? What do you mean?

Are you trying to look like someone else?

Like who?

Hmm, actually,
you remind me of a relative of mine.

Here, take a look.

[exclaims] How did that happen?

That's why the Tweedles were laughing.

They must have put black powder
on the binoculars I used.

When I touched them to my face,
this happened.

[laughing]

That's one of my favorite practical jokes.

Here, let me help.

If I use this towel...

will my face turn blue or something?

I promise you, it's no joke.

Believe me,
the Tweedles won't get the last laugh,

because I'm going to get even.

Ah, that's the spirit.

Got any ideas?

Who, me?

Of course. Here. This is what we'll do.

[mischievous music playing]

[both yell]

[Alice laughing]

-[speaking indistinctly]
-Oh. [speaking indistinctly]

[Hare laughing]

[humming]

[chuckles]

Hmm?

[buzzing]

[Cheshire Cat laughing]

Dum?

Are you there?

Maybe. Who wants to know?

It's me...

Dee. See?

-Let me see your hands.
-Wha...? Why?

So I know you're not hiding
some practical joke behind your back.

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Let's stop playing jokes on each other.

I'm tired of being afraid
something is about to happen to me.

Yeah? Well, me too.

So let's work together.

We can both come up with good jokes
to do to other people.

What do you say?

Well, they say
two heads are better than one.

[gasps]

And three heads are better yet.

I figure we go talk to the Caterpillar.

He's smart.

He could come up
with a whole lot of great joke ideas.

[exotic music playing]

It seems to me there have been
quite enough jokes going around already.

I think it's time to call a truce.

A truce? What's that?

It means we all agree
to stop playing jokes on each other.

[exotic music playing]

♪ Jokesters and pranksters, please note ♪

♪ For every joy-buzzer, funny-food
And can-of-snakes joke ♪

♪ The dribble glass they fall for
Will come back to wet you too ♪

♪ For every so-called settled score ♪

♪ There'll be one more
That comes back to you ♪

♪ It seems to the outside observer
That's me ♪

♪ These pranks are quite relentless ♪

♪ It's either truce
Or the consequences ♪

♪ These jokes are very funny
Well, how true ♪

♪ But what's funny is only funny
If it isn't done to you ♪

♪ That squirting flower gets the laugh ♪

♪ Only when it sprays
The other half of the joke ♪

♪ These tricks are quite relentless ♪

♪ It's either truce
Or face the consequences ♪

I see your point, but how can we stop now?

Yeah, we've had
all kinds of jokes pulled on us.

We need to get even.

You still don't understand, do you?

All right, listen to this.

Once there was a farmer
named Even Steven.

He liked everything to be perfectly even.

His fences were perfectly even.
His cornrows were perfectly even.

Even all of his animals
were perfectly even.

Well, almost all of his animals were even.

The ducks were something of a problem.

-They tended to be...
-[grumbles]

...uneven.

Whenever Even Steven
asked them to get in line,

they would just answer with "wise-quacks."

[ducks quacking]

So Even Steven decided to get even
with the ducks by selling them.

He loaded the ducks into a boat
to take them to town.

And of course, Even Steven
wanted to look good when he got to town.

He was determined
to keep his boat on an even keel,

so he tried to arrange the ducks evenly.

[growling]

And finally, Even Steven learned
that sometimes you lose out

when you try too hard to get even.

[quacks]

Now do you see what I mean?

Yeah. You mean that instead
of asking you for ideas for jokes...

We'll have to think of some ourselves.

Thanks anyway.

[regal music playing]

[regal music playing]

Ah, my beautiful flowers.

How lovely you look today.

Is that a weed I see?

Oh. Yes, it is a weed, isn't it?

-Well?
-Hmm?

Oh, I see, you want me to pick the weed.

Well, to be perfectly honest,
Your Majesty, I'd rather not.

I mean, it's probably covered with glue
or made out of rubber or something.

Oh, what are you talking about?

Perhaps you're not aware,

but there's a perfectly scandalous
practical-joke marathon

sweeping Wonderland.

-Oh, what does that have to do with me?
-Your Majesty...

it's not safe out here.

Why, these jokesters are everywhere.

They may even try to play a joke on you.

On me?

[laughs] They wouldn't dare.

But, Your Majesty,
these pranksters, they stop at nothing.

Why, something perfectly ridiculous
could happen at any moment.

Oh, nonsense.

Nothing will keep me
from visiting my precious flowers.

[chuckles]

In fact,
there's a particularly pretty posy.

Perhaps I'll pick it.

[gasps] Don't pick it, Your Majesty!

-It could be booby-trapped!
-Booby-trapped?

A lovely flower like this? Nonsense.

Ah. See?
It's nothing but a pretty, pretty posy.

[alarm wailing]

Rabbit.

Yes, Your Majesty?

Assemble everyone
in my courtyard in five minutes.

I'll find out who did this.

Yes, Your Majesty.

And, Rabbit?

Yes, Your Majesty?

Next time,
warn me when a flower is booby-trapped.

Yes, Your Majesty.

[Red Queen] It has come to my attention

there has been something
of a practical-joke marathon

going on around here.

Now...

everyone knows

that I'm the kind of queen
that loves a good, uh, laugh.

[chuckling]

-Right?
-[all] Right, Your Majesty.

Right.

And everyone knows

that I only want the best
for all of my subjects.

-Right?
-[all] Right, Your Majesty.

Right.

So I think...

that the jokesters
who played this cute little prank on me

should admit that they did it.

Right?

Come, now.

Someone here must know
who played this joke.

[all humming or whistling]

Mm. Mm-hm. [chuckles]

This is what happens when everyone
tries to get even with everyone else.

Some poor innocent person
is always caught in the middle.

-Right?
-[Rabbit] Oh!

Right. I'll be sweeping up this mess
all week.

-I--
-I was talking about me.

Oh. Right.

[up-tempo music playing]

♪ In the tangled web you're weavin'
You had better start believin' ♪

♪ That you are deceiving yourself
And everybody else ♪

♪ So stop your silly prankin'
It's me you will be thankin' ♪

♪ When I put these silly games to rest ♪

♪ If you're looking for trouble
You will have it on the double ♪

♪ When I burst your silly bubble ♪

♪ One thing is for sure
You'll be worse off than before ♪

♪ So take my royal advice
And everybody play nice ♪

♪ If you're looking to get even
You had better start believin' ♪

♪ That you are deceiving yourself
And everybody else ♪

♪ So stop your silly prankin'
It's me you will be thankin' ♪

♪ When I put these silly games to rest ♪

♪ If you're looking for trouble
You will have it on the double ♪

♪ When I burst your silly bubble ♪

♪ One thing is for sure
You'll be worse off than before ♪

♪ So take my royal advice
And everybody play nice ♪

Play nice.

And now the person
who pulled that trick on me...

will gladly step forward.

Hmm.

In that case, you leave me no choice.

I decree you're all guilty
and must be punished.

Oh. Uh...

Rabbit.

[Rabbit clears throat]

-[Red Queen] Fire.
-[zany music playing]

Caterpillar was right.

We should have called off the jokes.

He said it would get out of hand.

Out of hand is one thing,
but in your face is another.

Now, has everyone had enough?

Oh, yes.
I couldn't eat another pie if you paid me.

I meant enough practical jokes.

-Oh, yeah. I'm done.
-Absolutely.

Then I officially declare
that the practical-joke marathon is over.

[all cheering and laughing]

[mystical music playing]

You know, Dinah...

if I get even with my little brother
for all the pranks he's been pulling...

he'll want to get even back,
and it'll never stop.

I should just ignore him.

I mean, the only reason he likes to do it
is to see how mad it makes me.

I think the best way for me
to get even is for me not to get even...

at all.

Besides, he'll never stop worrying
that I'm about to get him back.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme, and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪