01x26 - Stay Tooned

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[crack]

[Lucky] Bonkers, stop cracking
your knuckles.

[Bonkers] You need only ask.

Now will you please stop
cracking my knuckles?

Sorry. It's just this waiting, waiting...

then waiting, endlessly waiting

while waiting to wait for more waiting!

Yeah, well, that's what stakeouts
are all about there, pal.

Always remember the three A's and one P.
be alert, aware, attentive, and patient.

What's the last one? I wasn't listening.

Patient, patient, patient, patient!

Now quit trying my patience
and look for Flannigan's th*gs.

Yes! It's a dark night... moonless,
full of evil,

with danger lurking behind every shadow.

Anything can happen on a night like this.

Do you work at being this odd,
or does it just come naturally?

Later, boss. I got something. Two guys.

with a face only a mother
bulldog could love.

Next guy-- smaller, but what he lacks
in size, he makes up for in ugly.

[Lucky] Time to roll, partner, buckle up.

Say, is this car equipped with air bags?

Present company excepted, no, it is not.

Rule number one, never lose
sight of the suspects.

[brakes screeching]

-[dings]
-Rule two...

Always follow rule number one.
Do you see them?

[Bonkers] There!

Rule number three,
a good cop knows his duty

and does it like it's supposed to be done.

[Bonkers] Faster, faster,
faster, they are getting away

put that pedal to the metal!

Would you quiet down? Rule number four,

a good cop always remains calm.

Yeah, calm uh-uh-- you got it, boss.
Whatever you say.

There! Let's get 'em and cuff 'em,
and give 'em a trial and convict 'em,

parole 'em as a joke and arrest 'em again.

I can't put my finger on it,
but something's not quite right here.

They knew they were caught,
so they gave up.

Don't analyze. Seize the moment.
Carpe diem and joy.

It's just an instinct I have.

And a good cop knows
when to listen to his gut.

We weren't speeding, were we, officers?

Can the comedy.

We know you work for Flannigan.
Where's the loot from the bank heist?

Hey, knuckles, you know
anything about any money?

Not me, maggot.

We gotcha, boys, red-handed.
Open and shut case.

Sign here.
We'll fill in the confession later.

-Bonkers, the van is empty.
-No.

-Yup. Mm-hmm.
-Uh-uh. Isn't.

-Is. Could to.
-Couldn't be.

-How d'ya know?
-Gut feelings.

You think you are smart, dontcha?

You can't arrest us without evidence.

Love to chat, but ciao, baby.

[coughing]

Man! What's this?

It's Flannigan's little black book.

This is a record of all his
unlawful activities--

Uh... bank robberies, jewelry thefts.

Oh, with this book, I can put
Flannigan behind bars

and finally get that promotion.

You're right.
This is your ticket to the top.

Before long, you'll be on the 29th floor,
penthouse suite,

kickin' back behind
a big leather-topped desk.

[Lucky] Bet the chair'd be leather, too.

Probably have a window by then, huh?

[Bonkers] Plate glass with a big ceramic
view of the city.

And best of all, right next door
there'd be me

in an even bigger office.

[chuckles] I guess I got carried away.

Come on. I'm going to show this
to the chief.

Oh, I can't wait to see
the look on his face.

[sniffing]

Ah, men, come in. [sniffs] Uff!

You're probably wondering why
I called you here,

and, frankly, so am I.

We're here about the Flannigan case, sir.
Your very own Lucky Piquel

has found evidence that--

Yes, yes, yes, good, but, [sniffs]
oh, I can't concentrate with that stench.

They must be fertilizing the grass again.

Now, where were we?

I have Flannigan's black book, sir,

a record of all his crimes,
right in my pocket.

Enough to put him away for good.
I know I have it somewhere.

[whistling]

[surprised whistle]

Give me that book.

Why did you have this book?

I thought told you not
to go near this book.

As I was saying, sir, the book will
put Flannigan behind bars now.

The mayor will be very pleased with me.

[sniffing]

You know, still smell something.

[sniffing] Yeah, I'll call
a press conference.

You know, you have to go public
with these things.

That's where I put those fishing worms.

Still alive-- some of 'em.

A press conference to announce

that I, lieutenant Lucky Piquel,

found Flannigan's little black... black...

-Where's the book?
-Wouldn't make a bad movie.

Of course, you'd need a big star.

I suppose I could be
talked into a comeback.

Bonkers! Whatever you do,
do not touch this book.

Do not even consider

dreaming of thinking
of touching this book.

-Is that clear?
-Do birds fly? Is the sky blue?

If a tree falls in the woods,
does it make a sound?

Of course it's clear, you big nut.
My pal Lucky is one smart cop.

Look at the way how he
handled that evidence.

Knew in his gut he had to put
the book in a safe place,

right here in his desk drawer.

Who'd ever look there for a book?

Oh, I'd look there.

In fact, that's the first place I'd look.

First place a crook would
look, too. I betcha

and this lock here I mean-- [grunting]

Anybody could break this lock.

First thief to come along
would just grab a crowbar...

and if that didn't work,
he'd get a jackhammer.

[crash]

then when he saw that wasn't working...

[rumbling]

He'd run out and rent a steamroller.

Yeah, that was easy. Too easy.

What was Lucky thinkin'?

I have a gut feeling I should
hide this in a better place.

But boss said not to touch it.

My brain says listen to Lucky.

My gut says different.

Brain--gut, brain--gut,
gut-brain, brain-gut.

Gut wins, because my brains
says listen to Lucky.

Who says listen to my gut.
Now where to put it?

Has to be a good place.
A safe place the boss is counting on me.

-[ka-ching]
-Yes. Of course.

The book shelf.

Nobody'd ever look for it there.

Meep!

Meep meep meep meep!

Woo woo woo!

Ah-oo-ga! Ah-oo-ga!

Today's the day, huh, boss?

Not now, toots.

Where'd you get the car?

Bought it.

If I'm getting a promotion,
that means a raise.

Sure it does. Later, toots.

Is that a new suit?

Yeah, to match the car.

It's Italian.

Imported from the Philippines.

For the press conference.

Meep meep meeep...

Well, I believe I'll just get the book
and get ready for that press conference.

The book-- where's the book?

I decided to put it
in a less obvious place.

[whispering] On the bookshelf.

Wh-wh-what shelf?

Where did you put it?

It's right...

Here.

It was right here.

[gulp]

Wait. I've got one of those feelings
coming in my gut.

It's telling me... it's telling me...

The book is gone!

[gasp] Which means somebody
must have stolen it.

That makes me mad, Bonkers, very mad.

So mad I--

I want to hurt someone.

But who?

Hmm. What do ya know?

Nobody here but you.

Boss, remember what you said--
"A good cop never hurts his partner."

Oh, yeah-- hold on. I never said that.

But you did say "A cop always
keeps his cool."

Cool. Yeah, right.

A good cop always-- did I really say that?

And rational.

And there goes my promotion,
my dream, my chance of a lifetime,

My... my credit card charges.

[sniffles]

Oh, no! I can't cry in this suit.
I fo-- oh... [sighs]

I got to get that car back to the dealer.

I'll have to push it.

Can't put any miles on her.

But not in these shoes.

This is my fault.

Meep-meep! Meeep! Mee-mee-mee-meep!

I'll tell the chief what happened
to that book.

I'm gonna tell him the dog ate it.

Meeep...

Ooh, babykins, soon it will be you and I
on our second-honeymoon cruise,

dancing the polka til dawn.

Don't want the men seeing me like this.
Better leave the back way.

I love you. No. I love you.

A big smooch for my snookums.

[smooching]

Chief?

Goodbye.

Who's there?

That was the mayor-- I mean, my gardener.

I mean, catch the game last night?

I love football.

What can I do for you, Bonkers?

Oh, what's this?

The Polka Dancer Quarterly?

It's the swimsuit issue.

Caribbean cruises?

Obviously delivered by mistake.

Must be for some other
police chief Kanifky.

Now, if you will excuse me.
I really must be going.

Down the fire escape, sir?

I've never seen the chief act this odd.

Why the sudden exit down the fire
escape in disguise?

Unless...

He stole the book.

The chief's the thief.
Chief, thief, leaf, beef. Leaf.

Say, pal, can I interest you in a--
well, it's you.

Boss, we have to talk.

Trust me. The chief couldn't
have stolen that book.

And I need an answer on the watch.

Shh! Not so loud.

The walls have ears,
and potatoes have eyes.

I tell ya. It's him.

It's so obvious.

How else do you explain that cruise?

Well, I...

-And the disguise?
-Well, I...

The whole scatterbrain
routine is a facade--

A mask hiding a devious,
criminal mastermind.

Well, I suppose it's possible.

Wait a minute.

-But--
-I won't hear another word.

Oh, what to do? Lucky doesn't believe me.

But I have to do something.

-Got a feeling--
-Meep-meep! Meep! Meep-meep!

[panting]

No, no, toots, shoo!
Go chase a parked car.

Rats!

Fall-Apart, what are you doing here?

Uh, backstroke?

My taxes.

-[ringing]
-Of course.

I'm repairing the phones. Hello.

We have to talk.

-[Fall-Apart] I'll call you back.
-I've stumbled onto something big,

and, by big, I mean big, and...

Is that a new sock?

-Do you like it?
-Yeah, but, anyway,

it looks like the chief may be
on the take.

You know, that really is a nice sock.

Why did you decide to get
a new sock? Just now!

Impulse buying.

-Argyle?
-Polyester.

-So they're in on this too.
-Who?

Polly and Esther.

Never heard of 'em.

That's what they all say.

How many did you try on
before you found this one?

Stopped counting after the fifth store.

Can I dust for footprints?

Just don't get the sock dirty.

-Where were you the night of the 33rd?
-In the dark.

A sock like that must be worth
a big chunk of change.

You're right! I forgot my change.

Because money means nothing to you.

You're rolling in dough after
selling the book back to Flannigan.

I am?

-You're filthy rich.
-I am?

If I'm that well off,
I guess I don't need this job.

How could I have been so naive?

Fall-Apart used Kanifky as
a fall guy. And I fell for it.

I'd better tell Lucky.

[Dyl] Hello, exterminator?

I'm having a problem with bugs
in my kitchen.

-[bell rings, knock on door]
-Come [resigned tone] in.

Where's Lucky? I have to have
a man-to-toon talk with him.

Just a moment.

Sweetheart, Bonkers is here.

Oh, thanks, Dilandra.

I really-- what's for din-din?

Lobster, eh?

It's a rather expensive fish, isn't it?

Crustacean.

Gesundheit.

Nice rock. What kind is it?

Imitation rhinestone.

Where'd you get it?

Lucky gave it to me on our wedding day.

And if you will excuse me.
I must finish this call.

Go right ahead.

Yeah, right.

Buys a ring like that on his salary?

Says it's for the wedding.
Something smells fishy,

and it isn't Mr. Lobster,

I don't care what it takes.

You may exterminate them
by any means you deem fit.

Exterminate? Any means? Deem? Fit?

Of course. Dilandra and Lucky.

Who would ever suspect them?

What do you want?

[crashes]

What's wrong with you?

Now it makes sense.
The ring, new car, Kanifky,

polka, lobster, Fall-Apart's sock.

The Chicago cubs.

They're in this together.

Bonkers, are you feeling okay?

Let me check your temperature.

Don't come any closer.

[Bonkers] My own partner a common crook.

My whole world's gone sour.

Plugghft!

Just like this milk.

Innkeeper!

Another glass.

Oh, this is bad, really bad.

Worse than bad.

No. It's worse than worse,
and that's not good.

A good cop knows his duty, and he does it.

And I have to do it!

I'm just gonna bite the b*llet.

I just hope it doesn't bite back.

And it was junior officer Bonkers

who exposed the department's ties
to organized crime.

[feedback]

It wasn't easy. But I had a feeling,
in my gut, you know.

Telling me to go public with this scandal.

[reporter] And so the mayor has
ordered a complete housecleaning

until the issue is resolved.

Could you remember
to feed the goldfish for me?

I'm so ashamed.

I didn't mean to do it.

I didn't know what I was doing.
What did I do?

It wasn't easy. But I had a--

one of those lugs has
my little black book.

I want it back.

And I don't care what it takes.

Yeah, right, boss.

Yeah, don't worry about it, boss.

I'm sorry it had to end this way, Lucky.

[muttering] Yeah, right, you are sorry.

You're gonna be sorry.
I'll get you one of these days--

some day, some how.

Remember, a good cop always
remains calm and rational.

But I'm not a cop anymore, thanks to you.

[muttering]

[doorbell rings]

How do you do, sir?

We're the downright, upright
vacuum cleaner corporation.

It's your lucky day.

You are? It is? Oh, well,
come on in, won't you?

I know. I know. I know.
Don't say it, don't say it.

You were wondering if this her
vacuum can pick up so much dirt.

Well, yes, among other things.

Ovserve- vous. Have you ever
seen such a piece of machinery?

Not in the past 40 years. No.

This here wonder of modern
technology will pick up anything.

And do everything. Do you have any ink?

Nothing. Not here. Nada. Nope,
nope. Uh-uh. Nothing.

A strong drive, it has duel overhead cams
and a 4.3 horsepower engine.

Point three? H, ooh, that's quite good.

You can say that again!
And to answer your next question,

yes, it'll remove motor oil!

[knuckles] Nothing up here. Nope.
Not here, down here nope. Nada.

Yes, yes, even Christmas ornament
how many may we put you down for?

Well, I'm short of funds right now.
I lost my job, you see, and--

Say no more! Say no more! Say no more!

We'll give you a free five-year
trial period. Enjoy. Good luck.

Ooh, thank you. Thank you-- oh.

I think.

[humming]

[whistling]

Whoop! Aah!

Do you know a fellow named Fall-Apart?

No, but if you have--

If I'd known it was going to be crowded,

I would have worn a smaller suit.

Hand over the little black book.

A little black book. Can you describe it?

-Don't get smart.
-I won't.

Why are you playing games?

Uh, because I like games.

How about charades, okay? You start.

Pal, I'm getting steamed.

He's on the ball.

Doesn't he know he's not supposed to talk?

If you're steamed, you must be a clam!

I win. My turn.

Where is the book?

Two words?

First syllable.

Sounds like.

Eye.

Rain! Leaf! Rain on leaf. Dew!

Tie. String. Knot!

You're, uh, running. Walking.

Rowing. Row!

I do not row?

Row! Hoe! Schmo! Know! I do not know!

[screaming]

[crying]

Honey, don't worry.

I'll get the house back,
I'll find another job.

Well, the possibilities are limitless
for a man at my age.

Twenty years in the same job as a cop.

-No practical skills.
-[glass shattering]

-Be careful with that box!
-Why? what's in it?

My dishes.

What about this one?

-Stemware.
-[crash]

[crying]

He doesn't have it.

The only one left
is that little toon Bobcat.

If you don't mind, I don't accept bribes
from strange strangers.

We do mind, Mr. Bonkers.
So shut up and give us the book!

I believe your partner in crime
Lucky Piquel has it.

-He doesn't have it.
-You're kidding.

I don't kid!

Try your second in command,
police chief Kanifky!

Doesn't have it.

-Fall-Apart, no?
-Uh-uh.

Uh-oh.

I think I made a big boo-boo.

That means you have it.
And I want it. Capisce?

Real men don't capisce.

I don't have your book.

If I did have your book, I wouldn't give
you your book that I don't already have!

We'll make him talk. Boys! To the dock!

-[siren blaring]
-[brakes screech]

Wait. Don't I get a last request?

-What?
-I think he has a point, boss.

-They always get a last request, boss.
-Yeah.

Can I make a phone call?

Alright, but make it fast.
And no long distance!

Excuse me, any of you boys have a quarter?

Thank you.

[ringing]

Hi. This is Lucky Piquel--

Boss! I just made a terrible
mistake! And I just feel terrible--

I'm not home because
because I have no home.

I lost my job.

I lost everything thanks to Bonkers.

[chuckles] You got another quarter?
I got the wrong number. [chuckles]

Meep meep! Honk honk!

Honk! Meeep!

[ring]

Hello.

Fall-Apart, it's me, Bonkers.
You have to help me!

Uh-huh. The harbor? Trouble, huh?

Big danger?

Is there any seagulls down
there or ocean stuff?

Boss, what if he's calling
somebody for help?

Why didn't you think of that sooner?
Get him out of there.

-[Fall-Apart] Bonkers needs help!
-Bonkers? [laughs]

Little orange hairball, about so high?

Looks like a cat? Got me fired?
That Bonkers?

Yeah, I'm real eager to help him.

Danger! Docks! Harbor! Boats!
Get my drift?

Flannigan has him, huh?
Yeah, that could be bad.

Not that he doesn't deserve it, of course.

They're probably looking for--

Book!

Okay, boys. Eradicate him.

Wait! Let him go! We have your book.

First, the book.

Okay, catch!

Not the cement!

I got it! I got it!

C'mon, let's get... out... of... here.

Alright! Lucky Piquel!

You're the greatest. You're a hero!

You're a, um...

Say, can somebody give me a hand?

I'm with the man who busted
the Flannigan mob, officer Pickle.

Yes, that's right-- it's Piquel.
And I'd just like to say--

Boss, come on.

Enough's enough.

I got an itch I need to scratch real bad.

Get me out of this.

Excuse me, just one second.

What are you doing? Let me out!

No, no, no. You got to stay in there.

Just a feeling I'm having...

-In my gut.
-Yo, boss.

As I was saying...

[Bonkers] Oh , come on,
I said I was sorry, didn't I?

I meant to. I really did!

Hey. Hey!

[theme music playing]