01x01 - Herstory in the Making

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

Dinah, you're lucky you're a cat.

You don't have to do homework assignments
that are impossible.

-[meows]
-Well, at least they're impossible for me.

I'm supposed to write a story
about an interesting thing.

Look what I have so far.

-Nothing. Zip. Not a word.
-[meows]

Okay, okay.

I'll be conscientious
and give it another try.

Once upon a time,
there was a beautiful ballerina.

She went to France and then...

And then...

That's all I can think of.

Dinah, I just can't do this.

Wait a minute. I know.

If I have to write
about an interesting thing,

then I should go to an interesting place.

[mystical music playing]

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here on the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day it's something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme, and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

[tranquil music playing]

Hmm. I wonder where everyone is.

[gasps] Look out!

Gracious. Can't you watch where I'm going?

I'm sorry.
Let me help you with your books.

What? Oh, thank you, my dear.

Oh, my. What a day this has been.

-[chuckles]
-Really? An interesting day?

Oh, my word, yes.

Yes, it all started this morning.

I awoke to the sound
of a tap-tap-tapping at my windowpane.

Go on.

Such a strange sound.

Insistent, haunting...

Haunt...

What on earth are you scribbling, child?

Don't worry. I'm just taking a few notes.

-I have to write a story for school.
-Oh?

-You were saying?
-What? Right.

I was frozen with fear. Who could it be?

A raven, perhaps?

Or a monster?

Monster?

Or was it the queen?

Carefully, I crept up to the window.

-And?
-It was the Hatter.

He wanted to borrow a cup of sugar.

That's it?

That doesn't make an interesting story.

Well, it was interesting to me.

Maybe if you tell me--

Sorry, Alice. No time to chat.

The queen's library books
are almost overdue.

Goodbye.

Oh, marshmallow.

And I thought I had my story.

♪ I woke up a little late today ♪

♪ And Dinah had left my room to play ♪

♪ When I went downstairs to eat
The cereal box was empty ♪

♪ Aw, man ♪

♪ I was that close
To a big bowl of cereal for me ♪

♪ So I went on down the street
To buy an ice-cream treat ♪

♪ I only had 15 cents
The man said, "Sorry, that'll be 16" ♪

Wham!

♪ I was that close
To having an ice-cream cone to eat ♪

♪ Then I met my friends to play
For a jump-rope contest all day ♪

♪ Ninety-six, 97, 98, 99
Then whoops ♪

♪ I was that close
To winning the game ♪

♪ I was that close
To winning the match ♪

♪ I was that close
To winning today ♪

♪ And just when I thought
That I had it down pat, whoops ♪

I was that close.

Wait a minute.

Why didn't I think of this before?

I know just who can help.

[exotic music playing]

[Alice] Mr. Caterpillar?

Oh, I'm sorry. Were you busy?

Oh, mm, mm, mm.

That's good, because, you see,
I need your help.

-I have this homework assignment and--
-Nope, sorry. I don't do windows.

What?

Oh, no, no, no.
Not housework. I said homework.

You know, like math problems
or English assignments.

You mean schoolwork?

Homework is schoolwork.

You've lost me.

I have to write this story for school.

Will you help me?

Speaking of housework,

I am reminded of a story...

Once, there was little boy
who only liked to play basketball.

[speaking gibberish]

[Caterpillar] His mother tried to get him
to clean his room,

but he wouldn't listen.

[continues speaking gibberish]

His mother told him
that if he kept his room clean,

fame and fortune were sure to follow.

She also told him
if he didn't do it this instant,

he couldn't play basketball
for a whole week.

[ball pops, then air splutters]

The boy ran up to his room,

where he scrubbed and straightened

until he had the cleanest bedroom
in the world.

Soon, word spread of the boy's clean room,

and he was visited
by famous people from far and wide.

[crowd yelps]

[speaking gibberish]

[Caterpillar] The boy became famous
all over the universe

and traveled to many interesting places...

[speaking gibberish]

...where he helped other life forms
clean their rooms, too.

And he still had time to play basketball.

What a wonderful story.

Will you please repeat it
so I can write it all down?

Alice, I'm surprised at you.

It wouldn't be right
for you to use my story

for your housework assignment.

Homework.

Either way, my stories are my stories.

It would be better for you
to make up one of your own.

[zany music playing]

[both chuckling]

Here's the grocery list.

[both chuckle]

I really think you should do
the grocery shopping.

Think of how much fun you'll have.

No, no, no. I insist you do it.

I'd feel just terrible
if I deprived you of the pleasure.

Oh, I'd feel awful
for taking the task from you.

-But I'd feel dreadful.
-I'd feel horrible.

-Sad.
-Bad.

And not at all glad.

-After you.
-No, after you.

-No, after you.
-By all means. After you.

[zany music playing]

♪ I wouldn't want to deprive you
Or take away the pleasure ♪

-♪ Oh, no ♪
-♪ So here's the list, I insist ♪

-♪ You can do it at your leisure ♪
-[grunts]

-♪ Some caviar ♪
-♪ An ice-cream cake ♪

-♪ Potato chips ♪
-♪ Chocolate shake ♪

♪ Kraut dogs with pizza pie
And anything else you wanna buy ♪

♪ Well, here's the list, I insist ♪

♪ With a map and compass to
Guide you so you won't get lost ♪

♪ At any cost, be back by two ♪

-Two?
-Yes, two.

I thought you needed four of everything.

♪ You're very wise to compromise ♪

-♪ It's written here ♪
-♪ It's very clear ♪

♪ Just take the list, I insist ♪

♪ It's such a thrill, and all downhill ♪

[both]
♪ So hurry up, there's not much time ♪

♪ Be back soon, let's end this rhyme ♪

[Mad Hatter] Alice!

You look a bit down in the dumps.

Oh, really?
I think she looks kind of sad, myself.

I've got a big problem.

I'm supposed to do something
that I don't know how to do.

We can help you with that.

Exactly. We hardly ever know
how to do what we're doing.

Or even what we're doing.

So I'm sure we can help.

I'm supposed to write
an interesting story for my homework.

Excuse me, Alice...

but I don't think writing a story
will help you get your house clean.

No, you're thinking of housework.

No, I'm thinking of your story.

Oh, yes. My story.

Just no good at writing stories.

Well, we're quite good at it.
We could write it for you.

Oh, I couldn't let you do that.

I'm supposed to be conscientious
and try my best.

Maybe we could be conscientious for you.

I don't think it works like that.

Around here it does.

You see, conscientious is our middle name.

I thought yours was Melvin.

Well, I guess I could use your help.

Just this once.

All we ask in return
is that you do us just one little thing.

A teensy, tiny favor.

Like what?

Just do our grocery shopping.

There's just a few items
on this little list.

Well, why not? How hard could it be?

-Splendid! [chuckling]
-h*, h*!

Come, my fine, furry friend.

Let us go into the forest
and seek inspiration.

Now, let's see
what's on their little grocery list.

Oh, no.

This story-writing
is harder than I thought.

Read what we have so far.

[Mad Hatter clears throat]

Uh... "Once upon a time..."

That's all?

Well, it's one of my better
opening sentences, if I do say so myself.

And a good beginning deserves a good end.

I suggest "The end."

Oh, yeah, that's good.

[clears throat]

"Once upon a time...

The end."

Do you think Alice would notice
that the story has no middle?

Mm, probably.

I suppose you're right.

She's really much smarter than she looks.

[beeping and whirring on TV]

[buzzes]

Ah, there's Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

Let's see what they think of our story.

Greetings, lads.

Care to read a story?

What kind of story?

A "helping Alice with her homework" story.

It's a little short.

We noticed that too.

We can't think of anything more to write.

Too bad it's too important
to let anyone else help.

Yes, we'd need to find someone
who was as conscientious as we are.

We're conscientious.

Oh, yes. Very.

Well, I don't know. What do you think?

Oh...

Why not? Let's give them a chance.

Oh, thank you. We won't let you down.

-This is gonna be great.
-I'll say.

What should we write?

I guess we need to decide
what kind of story it is.

-Got any ideas, Crystal?
-[beeping]

-Comedy!
-Adventure!

-Mystery!
-Thriller!

-Science fiction.
-Drama!

-Chiller!
-Chiller?

♪ Whatever style we decide to choose ♪

♪ If you think about it, we can't lose ♪

♪ A story or a simple poem
Of a two-headed monster named Jerome ♪

-♪ A drama of a ship at sea ♪
-♪ Or a slapstick zany comedy ♪

[both]
♪ So many kinds from which to choose ♪

♪ Whatever the style ♪

♪ We just can't lose ♪

[woofs]

-♪ An action-adventure like Lambo 4 ♪
-♪ Or a Western with a Labrador ♪

-♪ A romance about a giant snail ♪
-♪ Sci-fi with a flying whale ♪

[both] ♪ There's so many kinds
From which to choose ♪

♪ Whatever the style ♪

♪ We just can't lose ♪

There. We helped write the perfect story.

[purrs]

-Then it must be about a cat.
-Well, no. But it's terrific anyway.

Here. See for yourself.

Oh, how dull.
Makes me wanna take a catnap.

-I suppose you could do better.
-I think so.

Nothing personal, Mr. Cat,
but this story is for Alice.

Whoever works on it
must be very conscientious.

You know, hardworking and careful like us.

You've described me to a tee,
just wait and see. [purrs]

Do you really think
he can come up with a story?

Sure.

Every cat has a "tail."

[both laughing]

And so a beautiful queen was worshiped,
adored and admired

by all her subjects.

And she lived happily ever after.

[sighing]

Touching.
I don't know when I've been so moved.

[sniffles]

Hmm.

I'm all out of books.
Where is that rabbit?

He should be back from the library by now.

What am I supposed to do,
wait or something?

I'd give anything
for something else to read.

In that case, I'll take a catnip sandwich
with a side order of cream.

-What?
-I have a story. I wrote it myself.

You do? Let me read it.

Ah. You said you'd give anything for it.

Hmph!

-"Give anything" is an expression.
-[purrs]

It just means I very much want
something more to read.

[purring]

So give your queen the story
if you want to keep her happy.

But of course.

More books, Your Majesty!

Shh! Can't you see I'm trying to read?

Oh.

-Is that Alice's story?
-Alice's? I thought you wrote it.

Well, parts of it.

I believe Alice was supposed to write
a story for school.

Let me see.

[Cheshire Cat purrs]

[both laugh]

Ah. Hmm.

Well...

Well, it's not bad so far.

But what this story needs
is a proper ending.

And since the queen
always gets the final word,

give me the pencil.

Ah.

[chuckles]

[muttering indistinctly]

There. Now it's perfect.

Assemble the subjects
at the Mad Hatter's house,

and I will present Alice
with the story myself.

Yes, Your Majesty.

And return my other books to the library.

It would be such a shame
to pay a big overdue fine on your salary.

[both chuckling]

Right away, Your Majesty.

[Dormouse in muffled voice]
Help! Help! I'm buried alive!

-Mm. [sighs]
-I'm sorry.

Did you remember
to bring the strawberry jam?

Yes. I think I got everything
on that teeny, tiny grocery list.

Arise, child.

Goodness, what is everyone doing here?

We all decided
to help you write your story.

-All of you? Writing one story?
-Mm-hm.

But, Mr. Hatter, I thought
it was just going to be you and Mr. Hare.

Well, originally. But you know
what they say about too many cooks.

Yes. They say,
"Too many cooks spoil the broth."

Oh. Well, then I guess it's a good thing

we're all working on a story
and not broth.

[all laughing]

Well, Alice,
your homework assignment is complete.

And as usual, it's all thanks to me.

[upbeat jazz music playing]

♪ Thanks to me, there are flowers
Sunshine and cherry pie ♪

♪ Thanks to me, there is laughter
And a twinkle in your eye ♪

♪ Thanks to me ♪

♪ Thank to me, we have roller skates
Telephones and honeybees ♪

♪ Thanks to me, there are birdies
Who sing up in the trees ♪

[birds chirping]

[laughs]

♪ If you're going round in circles
And you haven't got a clue ♪

♪ Come to me, and I'll tell you
Exactly what to do ♪

♪ Thanks to me, yeah! ♪

♪ Thanks to me ♪

-Can I read it?
-"May I."

Of course.

[all chattering]

-"Once upon a time..."
-I wrote that.

"...a conscientious man in a tall hat
and his friend, a handsome hare,

set out on a journey."

Great characters.

"Suddenly, a ferocious tiger
began to chase them.

Two talented brothers
who love to sing and dance

found a magic fiddle--"

Wait, what happened
to the ferocious tiger?

Keep reading. This is the good part.

"One of the brothers lifted the fiddle
and was about to play,

when suddenly, the clever cat
discovered a buried treasure chest."

Wait a minute. I'm confused.

What does a treasure chest
have to do with a fiddle or a tiger?

Oh, go on. It gets better.

"But no matter who found the treasure,
it belonged to the queen, that's for sure.

So they all lived happily ever after,
especially Her Royal Highness. The end."

[all laughing and chattering]

-I just love happy endings. Don't you?
-Yes!

[melancholy music playing]

Well, that was... very nice.

I don't know how I can thank all of you.

Well, I'll get you
thank-you lessons later.

[all chuckle]

Come, everyone! Tea and crumpets
in my courtyard in five minutes.

[all] Yeah!

Coming, my dear?

Uh, no. I have to get back
and do my homework.

Oh, well,
all the more crumpets for me, then.

[mystical music playing]

Hey, Dinah, heard any good stories lately?

[meows]

Well, even if you have,
keep them to yourself.

From now on,
I'm going to think up my own stories.

They'll have a beginning,
a middle and an end.

And if I stick to one subject,
it'll probably even make sense.

That'll be nice, right?

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme, and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪