02x18 - Fistful of Anvils

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

-♪ Now you're caught in a trap
-Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[telephone ringing]

Officer Wright.

Hi, Miranda.

Hi, Bonkers. How goes the babysitting?

Only terrific, Miranda.

It turns out, I'm really good at being
sat on by babies.

Well, watch yourself.

My nephew Timmy can be a handful.

Nah! He's a bundle of joy.

But there's one teeny, tiny thing.

What's a good time for beddy-bye?
Make it quick.

How's 8:00 o clock?

Great. Thanks. Bye.

Eight o' clock already.

Well, time for bed.

I'm not sleepy.

I want to stay up and watch T.V.

But aunt Miranda said--

If you don't let me watch T.V.,
I'll tickle you with a feather.

Oh, no!

Not the feather.

Ooh... anything but that.

[laughing]

Obviously you haven't seen my feather.

Do I get to watch T.V.?

[nervous laughter]

Do I? Do I?

[laughing]

Well, do I?

How about a horsey ride?

Milk and cookies? A bedtime story?

No! No! And no!

What was that last one again?

A bedtime story?

Well...

alright.

And if it's a good story,
maybe I'll go to bed.

But it better be good.

Or remember--

I've got a feather pointed right at you.

And I know how to use it.

Oh, it'll be good.

I just don't know what it'll be about.

Aha!

That's what it's about.

A tale of the old west,

when men were men and toons were toons.

This is the story

of how the tiny western town
of anvil gulch got its name.

[Bonkers] Anvil gulch was
a prosperous little town

with a huge anvil
reservoir underneath the city.

[Timmy] You mean an oil reservoir.

No, I mean an anvil reservoir.

That's where they come from
deep underground.

Anvil gulch wasn't always
a thriving megalopolopolis.

Once it was known as the lawless
town of lawless.

Yee-ha!

Giddyap, horseys! Giddyap!

Whoa!

Yee-ha!

Yeow!

Oww!

Ohh!

Uh, ahem,

uh, could we slow down just a little?

You're kiddin'.

This is the wild west. We got to go fast.

Ah, horse feathers! Blew another one.

Luckily I've got a spare.

You do?

Sure. Back in St. Louis.
Wouldn't fit in the trunk.

I'll just call for help.

Can you fix it, partner?

It's gonna take a little time.

Da one and three.

About three days,
give or take a few months.

Being stuck here ain't so bad.
This town's downright purty.

Peaceful and quiet to boot.

Look out!

Outta my way!

Yah!

Ya-hoo!

Aah!

It's the bug-eyed bandits!

Yee-ha!

Ooh hoo hoo!

Ha ha!

Does this happen often?

No, just two or three times a day.

Trail Mix was figuring the figure out why
the town was called lawless.

At the heart of lawless
stood the rubber saloon.

[all] Boo!

Hey, looks like my kind of place.

[crash]

A double root beer flip float!

[grunting]

And, uh, give me a real dirty straw.

One flip float coming down.

Ptah!

[coughs]

So, too strong?

Ahem. No.

Too purty!

I sure as shootin' would be powerful happy
to be with a filly like you.

Kissin' the sheriff's
ill*gal in my town, toon.

Oops.

That was the first time Trail Mix
laid eyes on the sheriff.

Trail mix knew right after that.
They would hit it off.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Sheriff,

I'm a-callin' you out.

You lookin' for some trouble, Maggot?

Oh!

[crash]

[Maggot] Nah...

looks like there will be
no trouble at all, sheriff.

You stupid toon.

Don't do that to the sheriff.
He's the symbol of law and order.

Besides, it wasn't very nice.

Oh, is that right?

Well, neither is throwing you
out the second-story window.

Argh!

Ohh!

-Hey, that was great!
-Look what he did!

As mayor of this town, it is my honored
privilege to say that sheriff Grating

could use you as deputy.

Really? Me?

A real live lawman?

You betcha!

Sheriff, allow me to introduce
your new deputy.

Huh?

Trail Mix. Glad to meet Sheriff.

From the first, it was a
special relationship.

Trail Mix's looked up to
the sheriff as his hero.

The sheriff saw Trail Mix
as his gifted protege.

This is my town.

I don't need no mangy Bobcat deputy.

Deputy Trail Mix reportin' for duty, sir.

There's got to be somethin'
to get you out of my hair.

I mean keep you buy for a while. Two g*n?

Yeah, that's it.

Here.

This is a no-good bounty hunter
by the name of Two g*n.

I don't want no bounty hunters in my town.

So, find this Two-g*n and run
him out on a rail.

I won't fail, even if I have to search
every inch of the ground to South Dakota.

Or north Dakotie even
or any of them Dakoties.

Ha! That's what I'm countin' on.

Two g*n hasn't been around for years.

He'll be on a wild goose chase,
till the cows come home.

I'm looking for that
no-good galoot Two-g*n.

Isn't that you?

No.

Folks call me one g*n.

What's your name, partner?

Two scoops.

Well, put mine on a sugar cone.

[g*nsh*t]

I'm Two-g*n.

Who wants to know?

M-m-m-me.

Why?

[gulp]

I don't want no trouble, Two-g*n.
Just get out of town.

I hate g*ns.
They always make my ears ring.

I've been punctuated!

Everything's gettin' black.

My option is up,
and I haven't been renewed.

Two g*n, what are you
doing back in these parts?

Heard you had a bug problem, sheriff.

Deputy, I told you to run this
bounty hunter out of my town.

If it wasn't for me,
your deputy would be a dead putty.

You mean you saved my life?

Wow! That's great!

Nobody's ever saved my life before.

Stay out of this!

And you-- maybe I ought to throw--

She's gone.

Well that's the way I want it to stay.

I don't want no trouble in my town.

This is my town!

[crash]

But, boss, this new deputy--

Listen, parasite, under this town
is the largest anvil deposit in the west.

Nobody is going to stop me
from getting it.

[crash]

We have to get rid of
this do-gooder deputy.

The bug-eyed bandits come into town
a-gunnin' for deputy Trail Mix.

[horses whinny]

Hey, boys,

I reckon we found ourselves the deputy.

It's time you stop this rowdiness
and go on home.

Yee-ha.

Come on, boy. The boss wants to meet you,

I plum reckon.

[laughing]

[screaming]

So, this is that yeller-belly deputy
who's been giving me a heap o' trouble.

Put him on a ten o' clock train.

Uh, hey there, fellers, uh...
this is no way to catch a train.

[whistle blows]

We just want to make sure
you don't miss this train.

[laughing]

[train bell dings]

[whistle blowing]

[whistle blows]

[whistle blows]

You little ones at home, avert your eyes.
This will not be a pretty sight.

[g*nshots]

Gee, Two-g*n, nobody's ever
saved my life twice.

Thank...

[whistle blows]

...you.

Look toon, I didn't save your life
'cause I'm a nice gal.

Just tell me which way did
Varmit and his g*ng went?

They went that a-way.

Thank you, greenhorn.

Or was it... this a-way?

Maybe they went sideways.

Now, if they went that a-way sideways
then this a-way ways,

they'd be way away.

Adios, toon.

Two g*n?

[horse whinnies]

[horse whinnies]

Vamoose!

[horses whinny]

Alright. Listen up.

Boys,

it is time to get the dynamite.

I've got a new plan.

We're going to clean out that town.

[laughing]

Once the town is washed away,

nothing will stand between
me and a fortune in anvils.

[laughing]

Except me!

Okay, boys, I suggest you be
sheddin' those g*n belts

and reachin' for the rafters.

Two-g*n I think I know where var--

[screaming]

Ouch!

Did I come in at the wrong time?

Yes, Trail Mix. You did come in
at the wrong time.

Actually, I'm mighty glad
you joined us today.

I know we're thrilled.

I'd like you to meet a pal of mine...

Terrence the Texas termite.

Howdy, Terry. Pleased to meet you.

Ow!

I figure the last thing
these old beams need

is some hungry termite munching on them.

Oops.

My, how clumsy of me.

[chuckles]

[buzzing]

[laughing]

Yee-ha!

Ooh hoo hoo!

[laughing]

Our hands are almost free.

There.

Trail mix, do you have any matches?

Yeah, right here.

I just dropped it.

Check the ground.

I can't see a thing.

Here it is, Two-g*n.

Thanks, but I'll use this instead.

I don't think we're gettin'
out of this one.

We'll be runnin' outta air real soon.

Crank my tail.

I used this in flat tires for Bonkers.

[sighs]

I gotta admit.

Nice work, toon.

Please. Trail Mix to my friends.

Now, listen, Trail Mix,

Varmit's up to no good
with all that dynamite.

Rightaroonie.

What's the plan?

Trail Mix, you warn the town
that danger's comin'.

I'm fixin' on findin'
them bug-eyed bandits.

I get to light the fuse.

No way! I called it first!

I get to light the dynamite.

[laughing]

One of the perks of being the boss.

Sorry to put a damper on your party plans.

That's okay, bounty hunter.

A good host always carries a spare.

[laughing]

Ooh, my g*ns are a-quakin'!

I do believe she's calling
our bluff, gentlemen.

Shall we show her our cards?

Holy cow!

I think I'll just mosey on outta here.

[laughing]

That dynamite's gonna make
one heck of a boom.

[laughing]

[gulp]

I wouldn't want to be
around when it blows.

No, siree.

Yeah.

That's the last place on earth
you'd find me.

[laughing]

[both laughing]

[gulp]

[gasps]

[Timmy] Bogus man!

[Bonkers] What Bogus?

No way could, traffic light stop water.

Don't you ever study the classics?

Watch a cartoon sometime.

Now that's what I call
smooth-flowin' traffic.

[gasps]

Oh, no.

Looks like Two-g*n has gone
to the final waterin' hole.

[cries]

Varmit!

This must be his doin'!

I think it's time I ran him outta town!

Hey, what's going on here?

This place is supposed to be
a water park by now.

I'm a-fixin' to have a showdown with you.

Anytime, Bobcat.

Tomorrow?

Can't do it tomorrow.
I've got shootings all day.

How's the day after for you all?

No good. How's a week from
next Tuesday for you?

Sorry, I have to burn down
the orphanage that day.

I've got an opening at noon today.

Fine.

Let's do lunch.

Mm-hmm.

[chuckles]

I'm scared.

I'm shaking in my boots.

[laughing]

Yipes!

Double-yipes!

Now it's a fair fight.

Ow!

Two g*n! I thought you were--

Dead?

Aw, shucks, Bobcat.

Takes more than a bath to wash me out.

Sorry to break up the touching reunion,
but I got you outgunned.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, some more?

Yeah, some more.

If you put it that way.

Now, get out of my town.

Sorry but I'll have to give you
a ticket, Varmit.

You're parked in a
no-battleship parking zone.

-Hooray!
-Yay!

-We're rich!
-We're rich!

I'm rich!

I'm--

hurt.

You're comin' with me... bug.

Whoa!

Help!

Two-g*n, on behalf of the town of lawless,

I guess it's not well, lawless anymore.

Ow!

Anvil!

Anvil!

Anvil?

That's it, sheriff!

You can call it anvil gulch!

I kinda like this here town.

I sure do agree with you.

Good. If you're going to stay,
I'll make you a deputy, too.

Hey, this is my town!

I don't need no stinkin' deputies.

Looks like it's our town now.

Isn't that right, Trail Mix?

Smile when you say that, partner.

And they lived happily ever after.

[snoring]

Good night, little buckaroo.

[laughing]

Bonkers?

Bonkers?

Bonkers?

Bonkers sure has a way with kids.

[laughing]

[theme music playing]