02x03 - Bobcat Fever

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back ♪
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[General Sneezekoff] Germs love the nose.

It is our job, as antibodies
to run those germs out of the nose.

At 0200 hours,
we strike the olfactory installation.

Those gooey, parasitic
invaders will be sorry

they ever messed with General Sneezekoff.

Excuse me. Excuse me, Mr. Jones?

Cut! Cut! Cut!

-Oh, no. Here we go again.
-[grumbling]

Okay, Sheryl, what is it this time?

[Sheryl] It's this scene.
What's my motivation?

I'm a germ, not an antibody.
I should be playing the lead virus.

Germs, antibodies.

You're an actress. You should be flexible.

Mr. Jones, please.

I am a method ac-tor.
I can't play a part I don't feel.

Let me paint you a picture for you.

You're lonely, destitute,
looking for food.

You think you can play that?

Oh, a tragedy. Yes. I'm ready.

Good, because you're fired.

Now get out! Out! Out!

[Sheryl] Good. I don't need
nasal spray commercials, anyway.

I can always return to the stage.

[sigh] Germs.

[sniffing]

This way, Miranda.

When did you pick up this talent
for sniffing out toon bombs?

After you've been blown up
in a hundred cartoons,

you never forget the smell of toon bombs.

This particular melon is very, very ripe.

[laughing]

Selling these toon bombs
is going to make us a tidy fortune,

not to mention
all the satisfied customers.

Watch it, boss. This one is still wet.

Yeah, this black market toon b*mb
business is really booming! [laughing]

Get it? Booming?

[laughing]

Ptooey! Hey, watch it.
I'm allergic to paint.

I love it.
The cops will never get wise to my scheme!

[sniffing]

[all] Uh-oh.

[sniffing] Funny, this melon
smells just like a toon b*mb.

Oops, almost forgot this.

Hey, wasn't that--

Vermin and his g*ng. Let's get him.

Turn right.

Aah!

[all] Aah!

Ah!

Here, have a molotov fruit c*ck.

Huh?

Ahh, boss, the wet paint, it's stuck!

-Gimme th--
-[boom]

There goes a really nice guy.

I'm not a happy bug, right now.

[Vermin] A bowling alley is the perfect
front for selling toon bombs.

This ball should be right up your alley.

Those cops will never think
of looking in a bowling joint. [laughs]

Boss, it's that toon cop again.
And his nose is going full blast.

[sniffing]

Quick, down here.

Yep, this is a toon b*mb.

Duh, hey, that's my lucky bowling ball.

No, it isn't. It's a highly combustible
cartoon incendiary expl*sive device.

Duh... don't be silly.

[grunting] It's my bowling ball.

I'm always silly, and it's a b*mb.

Bowling ball.

b*mb!

Bowling ball!

See? It's a b*mb.

Uh, no, it's my bowling ball.

[Vermin] Nice strike.

We've lost half our bombs
because of that Bobcat's nose.

A guy just can't make
a dishonest living, anymore.

[ta-da horns]

You loved her in night of the sniffles
and the spy who came in with a cold.

I've got to get rid of that toon cop.

Let's cut off his nose and bury it
in a really, really, really deep hole.

Nah, too messy.

So, let me introduce to you
the lovely, the talented,

the extremely contagious
and really hard to see,

Sheryl Germ!

[crowd cheering]

♪ Oh, when the germs go marching in ♪

♪ Oh, when the germs go marching in ♪

♪ Da da-da-da... ♪

[laughing]

♪ Da da-da-da ♪

I think I'm getting a germ of an idea.

♪ Oh, how I want to be in that fever ♪

♪ When the germs go marching in ♪

[crowd cheers]

Thank you. Thank you.

It's time to put that Bobcat's
nosy nose out of action.

You are extraordinary. You're fabulous.
You're phenomenal!

-You're--
-About to be stepped on.

I'm Al Vermin,
of the Al Vermin talent agency.

I want to sign you for a big role.

[Sheryl] Big role?

I must be honest with you, Mr. Vermin.

[coughs]

I don't do cold remedy commercials,
anymore.

Ah, you shouldn't! Not with your talent.

Baby, you're infectious!

I'll make you a star.

Bigger than El Virus and
Perry Mecium combined.

Bigger than Penny Cillin?

-Bigger!
-I'll do it.

Okay, now.

Here's the big picture.

[whispering]

[sniffing]

You're on, kid. Break a leg.

[sniffing]

[snorts]

Act one, scene one, symptom one.

The curtain rises.

Our heroine is in the nose of the Bobcat.

The sickness begins with a variation
on the classic, Macbeth.

[clears throat]

Double, double, boil and bubble.
Give the Bobcat sinus trouble.

[Bonkers] Ah-ah...

[sneezing]

[pinball bells]

Ugh, got a hanky?

Bonkers, that sneeze should be
registered as a lethal weapon.

Yeah, lethal to me.

Tabasco sauce and chili powder,
make the Bobcat sneeze out louder!

Gaaahhh-- aga--

Gee-- gee-- ga

Gee-- da-- buh-- wubt--

Waaga-- gee--

Guh--

[sneezing]

So much for the Bobcat.

[laughing]

[screaming]

[splash]

-[sneezing]
-[clanking]

Lady, is this your Bobcat?

Uh, thanks.

Catching a cold, Bonkers?

[sneezing]

I'll take that as a yes.

[spitting]

Oh. Look, Miranda, it's for you.

Hmm, we can't track bombs
with you rocketing all over the place.

I hate to say it,

but I think you need to see
Professor Von Drake.

Hmm.

So, we got some kind of a sinus problem,
over here. Is that it?

Well, that's nothing to sneeze at.

Aah-choo!

[crash]

Yep, that's the problem, alright.

So, let's take a look and see
what's going on inside you,

with my new, instant x-ray, camera.

Smile, for the birdie.

[cuckoo]

[click]

Ooh, how did that get there? [chuckles]

Well, everything looking normal here.

Wait a second. What's this?

Hmm, looks like your nose is out of joint.

It is?

Yeah, she's listing
a little to the starboard.

Can you fix it?

What're you talking about, can I--

Where'd I put that--

Oh, there you are! [chuckles]

The nasal wrench!

Now, this won't hurt me a bit.

But, will it hurt me?

You better believe it!

Yeeow!

Ahhh!

This is my first nose job.

I hope I didn't blow it.

Now, we're going to give it a test run.

Test run! [chuckles]

Coochie coochie coo.

Ah ahh aaahhh--

Choo.

Phew, does that mean he's cured?

Oh, you betcha!

But, he better keep his nose clean.

[inhales]

I feel like a new Bobcat, Miranda.

I hope you have that same old nose.

You bet. I'll have those bombs
sniffed out in no time.

So, they didn't like my sneezing scene.

Everybody's a critic.

Well, wait till they see my second act!

[elevator voice]
Fourth floor. Hiccup center.

Hiccup center, that's my cue. I'm on.

[bagpipes blowing air]

♪ Oh, when the germs come marching in ♪

♪ Oh, when the germs come marching in ♪

Alright!

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

[hiccup]

[hiccuping]

[inhales]

-[hiccup]
-Get a hold of yourself, Bonkers.

-Maybe we can--
-[hiccup]

-Go for a balloon ride?
-[hiccup]

Well, I guess we're okay,
as long as you don't spring a leak.

Don't worry, Miranda. I'm leakproof.

-[whooshing]
-Except there.

[both screaming]

[Miranda] Whoa!

[Bonkers] Hic, hic.

[both] Yipes!

Bonkers, quick, hiccup.

Hic. Hic. Hic.

I can't, Miranda! Hey, I'm cured.

I don't think your good health
is going to last, too long.

[both screaming]

Good thing Bobcats
always land on their heads.

Yeah, it's great. Got any aspirin?

Bonkers, I think we should have
a word with your favorite, quack.

[hiccuping]

[crash]

Hmmm.

-Aha!
-What?

I think I need to get another stethoscope.
Because this one's got the hiccups!

What about Bonkers?

Oh, right! [chuckles] Now then,
let me see what the problem is, here.

[hiccuping]

I haven't had this much fun
since I starred in Foot Fungus Follies.

[hiccuping]

Looks to me like this boy
has got inflatilism.

I think we're going to have
to [echoing] operate!

Oper-- [hiccup]-- ate?

Ha, ha, not really.

I was just trying to scare you
out of those hiccup thingies.

Well--hic-- It didn't work.

Alright, then. How about this?

-Blaaahhh!
-[thunder cracks]

Wow--hic-- neat choppers.

Boy, you're even worse than I thought.

[Bonkers hiccups]

well, let's see what
we got going on, in there.

I've never run from the spotlight, before.

Time to take this show on the road.

Aha! Here is what is the problem.

You've got tenants,
and they aren't even paying rent!

Can we evict them?

Bonkers, you stopped hiccupping.

Hey, you're right.

I'm cured!

Let's go get, Vermin.

Hold it there, officer.
This thing isn't over yet.

But, I feel great.
I feel better than great. I feel... fine.

You feel fine now,

but if that germ gets into your brain,
you could get literalitis!

Literal-whatsis?

Literalitis.

Whatever anybody says,
could actually happen.

A toon brain is very delicate, you know.

And that germ could throw it out of whack.

A toon brain, out of whack?

Nah.

What we're going to need here,
is some heavy a*tillery.

General Sneezekoff, at your service.

Can you do it, General?

Affirmative, Sir.

I'll outflank her in the phlegm,
before you can say, streptococcus.

Well, good luck, then.

Proceeding to the stomach.

-Enemy not sighted.
-[train horn]

How you feeling, Boobie?

Okie-dokie. Come on, Miranda.

Let's bust those buggy bombers.

Just remember, be careful
what it is that you're saying,

because it could be what you is doing.

[Vermin chuckling] This place is perfect.

With that bloodhound Bobcat
nursing a cold,

the cops will never find the bombs here.

Don't count your bombs
before they're hatched, Vermin.

Yeah, that goes double, for me.

Bobcat? It can't be!

Shouldn't you be in bed?

In bed? Ha!

I'm as fit as an ox,
as healthy as a fiddle.

Top shape!

Wow. So, this is the brain set.

The art director should win
an academy award for this design.

This will be perfect for my role as...

The Germinator!

Sneezekoff!

Surrender, Germ.

I can out act you,
and I can out infect you.

Of course, you know, this means w*r.

I'm the picture of health. I'm--

I'm feeling a little under the weather.

Bonkers, you don't look so hot.

[thunder crashes]

Oh, no, bonkers. You've got literalitis.

Ow!

Oh, the Bobcat is sick.

I'm so sorry to hear that.
Now reach for the sky, coppers.

[laughs]

I love it! [laughs]

The Bobcat has gone bananas!

[laughing]

Very appealing. [laughing]

You're going to slip up, Vermin.

And when you do,
we'll put your bunch behind bars.

Yeah!

I don't think so, coppers.

I think, you're washed up.

In fact, I'd say you're in hot water.

[laughing]

[Vermin] In hot water.

[laughing]

That's a good one, eh, Bobcat?

Now, let's, turn up the heat.

How will we get out of this?

Don't worry. It'll be a piece of cake.

Hey, where'd they go?

Yummy. Chocolate cake, my favorite.

There you go again, Bonkers.
Always sh**ting your mouth off.

Mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah!

Ew! Yuck!

That Bobcat has lost his marbles!

-[bonking]
-[Vermin] Look out!

[Vermin and g*ng] Aaahhh! Whoa!

Help. Ow!

Hey, don't--

Careful, I hatch easy.

Alright, Vermin, your goose is cooked!

And, boy, does it look scrumptious.

[Sheryl] Aaahhh!

Lay down your arms, germ,
and no harm will come to you.

Well, now, it would be too bad
if the Bobcat blew his top.

[both gasp]

[chattering]

I said, blew his top!

Hey, what's the deal?

I'm cured! Again!

I think. I hope.

Hold the curtain.

Time for one last plot twist.

No, wait. Don't cross his wires.

You'll k*ll us all!

[alarm] Now, we'll see some
real emotional fireworks!

You have the right to remain-- Bonkers?

[horn]

[whistle]

Yaaah! Yeeooww!

Hmm, looks like the shoe is back
on the other foot again, isn't it?

Boys, gather up our nest eggs.

Your show is a wash-out, Germ.

Ooph!

Okay, okay, I surrender.

My agent, Al Vermin,
maybe you've heard of him--

He said this would be my big break.
But now you've ruined it.

I'll never be a star.

Vermin's no agent.

He's just a roach
from pesticide commercials.

Now, he's a crook.

And, he used you in his ill*gal operation.

[gasp] I didn't realize.

I guess I was blinded
by the promise of fame.

Re-enlist on the side of good, private.

There is a way to redeem yourself.

Trooper germ, reporting for duty, Sir.

What's my mission?

First, we need to steer
this Bobcat into position.

Bonkers, what are you doing?

I don't know.

I can't help myself.

One step closer, Bobcat,
and I'll scramble your eggs the hard way.

Okay, we're in position.

Prepare to shove off, Trooper.

Aye, aye, Sir.

Fire one.

[sneezing]

Hey, cover your mouth, when you sneeze.

So, this is the criminal mind.

He thought he could push my buttons.

Well, now it's my turn
to push a few of his...

with a crowbar!

[sneezing]

[thud]

Phew.

Seems like the bug is going around, bug.

[screaming]

-[all] No!
-[Miranda] Run, Bonkers!

[all screaming]

Gee, Miranda, I guess you could say
they made an eggs-plosive eggs-it.

[laughs]

Bonkers, you're sick.

General Sneezekoff,
I'd like to thank you for curing me,

and for helping me
to bust vermin's operation.

I cannot accept this award.

For a mission that was
all in the line of duty.

Besides, the real credit for the victory,
belongs to Trooper Germ.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'd like to thank all the big people
who made this possible.

[theme music playing]