05x02 - Hardware

[bunniefuu]

[chorus singing] ♪ To have some fun
Or pass a quiz ♪

♪ Just follow this computer whiz ♪

♪ Scooter Computer and Mr. Chips ♪

♪ They got the answers
At their fingertips ♪

[music playing]

I beat you this time Mr. Chips.

You're really good at these video games,

but I can beat you sometimes.

Of course, Scooter,

because I'm no smarter
than the person who programs me.

After all, I'm only hardware,
just like nuts and bolts.

Oh, yeah?

You're the smartest pack of nuts and bolts
I've ever seen.

Listen, Scooter,

some people assume...

♪ That simply because a computer
Can gobble up ♪

♪ All kinds of numbers
And facts and figures ♪

♪ And whatever data
You happen to feed it ♪

Some people assume...

♪ Because a computer knows
how to remember ♪

♪ Instructions and data
And whatever it's told ♪

♪ And deliver it back whenever you need it
As quick as a wink ♪

Some people assume a computer can think.

You mean you're not really so smart,
Mr. Chips?

Right, Scooter.
I'm not equipped to be smart.

I'm not equipped to think.

I'm equipped to use software
and process information,

not to understand it.

What's software?

The instructions you decide to give me.

And how do you use software?

I use software with my hardware.

The terminal keyboard you touch
When you want to say hi to me

That's hardware.

♪ My video screen
When I want to reply to you ♪

That's hardware, too.

♪ And this complicated equipment
Crammed inside of me ♪

♪ Too tiny for you to see ♪

That's hardware, too.

♪ Nothing but diodes
Capacitors, and resistors ♪

♪ Interconnections and transistors ♪

♪ Jammed together like canned sardines ♪

♪ Thousands of teeny tiny machines ♪

♪ Printed on microscopic strips ♪

♪ Called... chips ♪

-Chips! So that's why they call you...
-Precisely

Gee, Mr. Chips, you have a great brain!

Brain? No, Scooter, I have no brain.

Some people assume...

♪ That simply because I can beat them
At math and w*r games ♪

♪ And chess and checkers
Invades and raiders ♪

♪ All in the same afternoon ♪

Some people assume...

♪ Because I can sh**t off a rocket
And chart it and clock it ♪

♪ Control and command it
And steer it and land it ♪

♪ Precisely there on the moon ♪

It's hard to explain...

but some people assume I have a brain.

OK, but if you don't have a brain,
how can you do so many different things?

Because of the different kinds of software
people can feed me,

scientists or secretaries,
astronauts or accountants,

-managers or musicians...
-[cello plays]

...as long as it's put in a language
I can understand,

I can store the directions in my chips.

♪ I can assure you I haven't a brain
And I haven't a heart ♪

♪ And my chips would feel no pain
If you took me apart ♪

♪ And I'll never know good from bad
Or black from white ♪

♪ And I'll never know happy
From sad or wrong from right ♪

♪ I am nothing but diodes
Capacitors, and resistors ♪

♪ Interconnections and transistors ♪

♪ Jammed together like canned sardines ♪

♪ Thousands of teeny, tiny machines ♪

♪ Printed on microscopic strips ♪

♪ Called... chips ♪

And it's all hardware
just like nuts and bolts.

You're sure a smooth talker, Mr. Chips.

Maybe so, Scooter,
but you're the brains of the operation.

[theme music playing]