01x14 - Weather or Not

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

- ♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[Bonkers] Ah, nothing like
the pittery-patterry of little raindrops

to bring back memories.

Reminds me of a musical I made back
in the heyday of my superstardom

called It's Rainin' on my Forehead,
but my Tootsies are Gettin' Soaked.

Soaked? You wanna talk about soaked?

Lucky, pal! Love me? Miss me?
Can't live without me?

You've been gone 20 minutes!
You never write, you never call.

That's okay. I'll live.
I'll survive, somehow.

So how'd it go at the dry cleaners?

I wouldn't go back there if I were you.

You told me it would be clear skies

"Sunny," you said. "summery," you said.

But, Lucky, that was what
the TV weatherman said!

Yeah, sure he did.
But you are some detective.

You can't even detect the right weather.

You're right, Lucky. I'm useless.
I'm not worth my salt.

Or my pepper, even. I'm a lousy detective,
a disgrace to the uniform.

Look, I never said you were
a disgrace to the--

Hold the phone. I can change!
I have free will.

♪ I feel pretty ♪

I'm gonna do somethin' about it!

Hello. Toon delivery?

I wanna order your famous
detective home-study course.

And send it over here double-pronto!

[wheezing]

Sorry. Got caught in traffic.

How about a tip?

Sure. Never leave wax lips sitting
on a dashboard

when its already in the shape.

Toons.

Boy oh boy, This stuff will make me
the greatest detective in the tooniverse!

Check it out, Lucky.

They give you everything,
the whole kit and caboodle!

Sherlock Holmes hat.

[British accent]
Elementary school, dear Piquel.

Dragnet suit. Just the facts, ma'am.

Inspector Clouseau Mustache--
even the accent!

[ring]

[French accent] 'Allo. Eets your dime,
name ze crime.

Lucky, it's the chief.

Straighten your collar.
Tuck in your shirt.

Will you give me that?

Chief Kanifky!
May I say what a pleasure it is to--

Yes, sir, I see.

See what?

Get outta here!

No, no. Not you, sir. I was--

I was-- oh, yes. I understand, sir.

Understand what?

I'll get right on it, chief.

Get right on what?

What's the big case, Lucky?
Kidnapping? Bank robbery?

Jewel heist. Tell me before I burst!

Chief wants me to go pick up a few dozen
submarine sandwiches.

Submarine sandwiches?

This is even bigger than I imagined!

-[yelps]
-Oof! [coughs]

Today, subs. Tomorrow, hoagies!
Can heroes be far behind?

Hmm. you may have
something there, Bonkers.

Sometimes, you gotta read between the
lines with the chief.

Now, he's not gonna
just come right out and say

he's grooming me
for lieutenant's position.

Maybe this sandwich thing is a test.

Precisely.

So you better get movin',
ya big galoot of a lug.

Weatherman says it's gonna be freezin'.
So button up that overcoat.

Tie that [unclear], sport, and take good
care of yourself. You belong to me.

Oh, no, ya don't. I'm checkin' this
out for myself.

[mumbling]

And now it's time for the weather,

featuring me,
your weatherman, Cyrus McCloud,

and my adorable little friends.

-Sunny!
-Cloudy!

-Snowy!
-Sparky!

Tony tornado!

-And we are...
-[togther] ♪ the weather toons. ♪

And now the forecast for this afternoon.

-[giggling]
-Cloudy with some light drizzles.

That's all I need to know.

Ooh! Aah! Ack! [whimpering]

Whoa!

-[squeaking]
-[crash]

[crash]

You and me need to have a little talk.

♪ The weather toons ♪

And now since today is valentine's day,

we're gonna put a big heart
up on the weather map and send out...

He said today's valentine's day.
You realize what this means, Bonkers?

That you'll be getting me a nice box
of chocolates bonbons

with raspberry centers?

No. It means the nice TV station
has been showing reruns of the weather.

Valentine's day was last month.

Oh, Lucky. You've got all the answers.

There's so much I can learn from you.

Yeah, that's true.

So, tell me. Why are they showing reruns?

"Why are they showing re--?" [stammers]
Why, well, that's a good ques--

why are they showing reruns?

Good question. It's time to pay
that T.V. station a visit.

Well, keep looking. First thing we we need
to do is find a weatherman.

-I don't think he'll talk, Lucky.
-Why not?

-It's the old gag.
-What old gag?

The one around his mouth.

[mumbling]

[coughing and gasping]

Somebody snuck up behind me
and hit me over the head.

Next thing I know, I'm tied up.

Boy, I hate when that happens.

Does this have to do with
you showing reruns?

Reruns? [chuckles]

I don't know about that.
Temporary amnesia.

Uh... yeah. That's it.

I can't remember anything.
What'd I just say?

Forgot already. Well, ciao.

Lucky, I'm no master detective,
not yet, anyway.

But something tells me that guy's
acting a little weird.

Psst! Hey, you guys.
Check out the weather map.

You hear that, Lucky? A tip!

Yeah right! It'll be a snowy day in august

when a toon camera
tells me how to do my job.

[creaking]

Now, uh, [clears throat]
stand clear, will ya?

I'm gonna go and check the weather map.

Hmm. Chalk outlines of the weather toons.
They're missing.

How could they be missing
if we're looking right at them.

Not the outlines, the toons themselves
are missing!

And I'll bet that's why
the studio's showing reruns.

Well, this proves one thing.

What's that?

How important toons are to ratings.

The show can't go on without 'em. [laughs]

Well, I'll bet this whole place would
fall apart without toons.

[creaking]

[metal plate rolling on the floor]

[coughing] Bonkers! Where are you?

Somewhere around Miami beach, I think.

[chief] This complaint from the T.V.
studio is pretty serious stuff, Pickle.

It's bad enough you were
down there without authority,

but then you went
and wrecked the place to boot.

Horseradish?

Yecchh! Ptui! I order pickles,
they give me horseradish.

Well, It's about the T.V. studio.
You see, there's some missing toons.

Nobody reported any missing toons.

Well, that's just it.
There's something sneaky going on.

-We found the weatherman and he was--
-Something sneaky going on, alright.

Used to be a fella could order pickles
and get pickles.

These days anything goes.
Jalapenos, horseradish, sauerkraut.

I ask you, pickle, what kind of a relish
is sauerkraut?

Uh, european, sir?

Listen up, officer. I don't want you
anywhere near that T.V. studio.

Are you reading me?

Oh, yes. Loud and clear, sir.

Like a book, sir.
You can count on me, sir.

[dings]

Tenth floor, sundries, notions,
and bric-a-brac. Going down?

So, what's the plan, Lucky?

There is no plan.
Chief says we drop the case.

But, Lucky--

Listen up, officer. I don't want you near
that T.V. studio. Are you reading me?

Like a cereal box, Lucky. You're the boss.

That's right. I'm the boss.

[multiple voices overlapping]

Sometimes you gotta
read between the lines with Lucky.

What officer Piquel
is really trying to say,

is he wants me to solve this on my own.

[Lucky] Untouchable. Finito.

-[elevator bell dings]
-Don't worry, Lucky. You can count on me!

Well, now...
It's about time the little guy

started realizing who's calling the shots.

No, no, no, no, no!

[Bonkers] This is the city, Hollywood.
Where a smile and a dollar bill

can getcha a ride on a Downtown bus
or a one-way ticket to Palookaville.

I have no idea what that means.
It's in my famous Detective's Handbook.

I'm a cop. My name's Tuesday.
Today's Wednesday.

And I'm eatin' a sundae.

I'm goin' in.

[Bonkers] I'm gonna talk to Anita, hair
and makeup girl on the weather show.

Maybe she knows about the weather
toons disappearing, maybe not.

I start off the questions real simple,

toss her a few easy lobs...
Who's buried in grant's tomb?

What color's custer's white horse?

How many trombones led the big parade?

Then I throw her a tough one.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

-[coughing]
-I don't know.

Don't know or won't say?

Where were you the night
the toons disappeared?

Uh, at a movie.

And what movie was that, ma'am?

[straining] Uh, my left foot!

That movie's wasn't playing anywhere
in the city on the night in question.

No, I mean you're on my left foot.
Get off!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Suppose you tell me about the last time
you saw the weather toons?

[creaking, whiplash]

I was doing makeup for the weather show.

I walked in and there they were...

destroying the place as usual.

Hey, check it out!

Lookee here. It's a tornado.

Stop it! All of you, stop!

They were nasty, and rotten, and vile!

I sure hope nothing bad
has happened to them.

Yes, ma'am. And how did you
learn about their disappearance?

I got a phone message,
then someone sent me a fax.

-Do you wanna see them?
-Just the fax, ma'am.

I've been waiting
all day to use that line!

No more questions, for now.

[Bonkers] My next suspect
was Sam, the cameraman.

[French accent] So, tell me of that
last day you saw the weather toons.

It was almost airtime,

and I couldn't find
my toon camera anywhere.

-Then I heard them.
-[laughter]

Lookee! It's sam the camera slob.

[all laughing]

I can't stand you toons!

You're turning a perfectly good camera
into slobs just like you!

You really tick me off!

I wish you'd dry up and--

Thanks. I needed that.

[French accent] Yes, of course you did.

You were ravin' like a fool.

Now kindly explain why this cable
is singed like a crepe suzette.

Did it happen when you were doing away
with the weather toons?

Perhaps when manhandling
a lightning bolt of a toon?

No. There was a short circuit
in the wiring. That's all.

-It's got nothing to do with--
-Ooh hoo hoo!

Gee, that must have hurt.

Not as much as trying to speak with that
stupid french accent. I can assure you.

[Bonkers] I had one more suspect,

the top guy at the studio,
producer Biffy Conova.

You're wasting your time, detective.

I have no idea what happened to the toons.

[british accent] Then why didn't you
report the crime to the police?

Why did you try to hide
their disappearance

by showing reruns of old shows?

[Biffy]
Okay, I admit I ordered the cover-up.

We've had a terrible year.
Low ratings. No cash flow.

I couldn't afford any
more negative publicity.

That's why I would be the last person
to hurt the weather toons.

They were my stars.

Mm-hmm. there's been extensive
water damage to these photos.

Caused by a struggling toon rain cloud

trying to escape your
evil clutches, perchance?

Don't be silly. The sprinkler system
has been on the fritz.

It went off accidentally last week.

I see.

Oh, dear. I must run, detective.

I have dinner guests coming
to my country house tonight.

Please. Look around. Feel free.

I will do just that, sir.
And I will leave no stone un--

Hello. A red herring!

And another!

Something fishy's going on here.

[voice] That's right. "come into my
parlor," said the herring to the fly.

Red herring. Brown shoe. Big ugly face.

Lucky!

I thought I told you that chief's orders
were to lay off this case!

But, Lucky, I already found
six red herrings, a blue tailed--

This investigation is over,
terminated, done!

And I don't want to hear another peep,
you got that?

-But, but
-Not a peep!

[gulp]

[bubbles bubbling]

[muffled burp]

[big gulp]

Peeeeep!

I'm sorry, Lucky. I had to peep.
Just look at that evidence.

First, the toons show up missing,

then all these clues and on top of that
somebody's trying to k*ll us.

Bonkers, those detective
disguises of yours

have made you more
toon-brained than usual.

Nobody's trying to k*ll us.

[creak]

Now, don't just sit there, Bonkers.
We've got a case to investigate.

[insects chirping, owl hooting]

[Bonkers imitating bogart]
This is it, kid, Conova's country house.

-[wolf howling]
-Friendly lookin' place, eh, sweetheart?

[Lucky] Must you talk
in that stupid voice?

[imitating Groucho]
You prefer maybe this one?

[Lucky] Never mind.

[imitating Hitchcock] You must be the
detectives Mr. Conova spoke of.

I'm Rhett, the butler.
Walk this way, won't you?

Ooh, toons.

Ah... Hollywood's finest.

What a pleasant surprise.

-[Anita] Who invited them?
-[man] What's the big idea?

You must forgive
their exquisite lack of manners.

Please, join us for dinner.

No. And we can do without
the pleasantries, Conova.

We're here to get to
the bottom of-- hey! [coughs]

Let me do it, Lucky. Solo. No help.

Please?

Alright. Sure, fine. Just get off my neck!

[armor clattering]

[in French accent]
Now to get down to business.

Tonight, I will finger the felon.

-[gasp]
-[gasp]

I suspect everyone and I suspect no one.

But rest assured that before the night
is through one of you will crack!

Sometimes, all it takes is a little push.

-[trolley squeaking]
-Oh!

No, no, no, no! [screaming]

[Conova] See here, detective.

If one of us is guilty, why don't you
end this charade and tell us now?

-Yeah, come on. Who do you think you are?
-[overlapping shouts]

Okay, fine. If that's the way you want it.

I believe the criminal is...

[thunder roaring]

[high pitched scream]

Don't be alarmed.
It's merely a thunderstorm, you know.

Actually, It's an Alaskan cold front
heading due south to the Gulf stream,

which when coupled with the el niño effect
produces a low-pressure front that--

[chuckles] Sorry... habit.

I'll just close this
before we are all soaked.

[Conova] Say, why don't we retire
to the drawing room?

[Bonkers imitating Bogart]
You see, a crime needs a motive.

So I ask myself,
which one of you coulda done it.

Anita had a motive.

The toons messed up
her hair and makeup room.

[French accent] But cam the sameraman,
he, too, had a motive, you know.

Ze weather toons were a bad
influence on his toon camera.

[Bonkers imitating Bogart] And then
there's Cyrus McCloud, weatherman,

with maybe the best motive of all,
sweetheart.

The weather toons were
more famous than he was.

They were stealin' his thunder,
rainin' on his parade.

[Bonkers speaking as himself] So I gotta
wonder was it suspect number one,

number two, or number three?

Why not let me answer that, Bonkers?

[speaking normally]
Lucky, where ya been, pal?

Don't ask. It was all three.
They're all guilty!

[gasp]

I figured they worked together
to get rid of the weather toons.

[Bonkers imitating bogart]
Nice try, sweetheart,

but your theory doesn't hold water.

[speaking normally]
Though your pants apparently do.

What are you getting at, detective?

[Bonkers imitating bogart] You, Conova.
You're the only one here with no motive.

The weather toons were good
for business, good for ratings.

You knew no one would suspect you.
You knew you could get away with it.

The perfect crime.

-I've got a surprise for you.
-Oh no, ya don't!

I was merely reaching for this.

If you will check the date, you will see
that I was at the can-can film festival

when the crime occurred.

[British accent] Ahem, which leads me
to theory number two.

I hold in my hand a red herring.
Which I will place on the piano.

One thing the fiendish
criminal never counted on

was that the police
could dust the herring.

Dust the herring?

Yeah, you know, for fingerprints.
Herring dusting is a new procedure

recently developed in Moroccan prisons.

[speaking normally] Don't feel bad
if you are not following this,

I'm making it up as I go along. Shh!

[British accent] The point is,

this red herring contains a very
incriminating set of fingerprints.

And before the night is through,
someone will try to steal the evidence!

[high pitched screaming]

[screaming]

[speaking normally] I got you now.

Whaddaya have to say for yourself?

Get off of my head.

Lucky! I shoulda known.
Those beady eyes. That weak jaw.

It's not me, toonbrain, It's him.

The Butler did it! I should have known.
It's always the Butler!

Think again, copper.

-Sunny!
-Cloudy!

-Snowy!
-Sparky!

Tony tornado.

And we are...

♪ The weather toons ♪

Now I get it. They staged their
own disappearance.

-[cloudy] That's right, copper!
-But why?

-So all of you would get blamed.
-And go to jail for kidnapping.

Our scam woulda worked if those meddlin'
cops hadn't stepped in.

But why did you do it, fellas?

Why? Because we don't need you.

Ouch!

We've got range, talent, versatility!

I could've played the tornado
in the Wizard of Oz.

Instead, they used some
two-bit weather machine.

Come on, Lucky! I got an idea!

It better be a good one!

♪ Nyah, nyah nyah-nyah, nyah ♪

♪ nyah, nyah nyah-nyah, nyah ♪

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Don't stop now, Lucky!

♪ Nyah, nyah nyah-nyah, nyah ♪

Get 'em, boys!

-[weather toons] Hey, what's the big idea.
-Rotten cop.

I can't believe your plan worked.

[British accent] Elementary school,
my dear Piquel.

Elementary school.

[chief] "Weather toons being held
for destroying T.V. studio"?

"Attempts on policeman's lives"?

And "impersonating a butler"?

It's a long story.

I ought to promote you
for such exemplary police work.

Then again I oughta suspend ya for
disobeying my orders not to get involved.

Promotion, suspension. Suspension,
promotion. Promotion...

Let's just call it even.

[chomp] Now, get out of here
before I change my mind.

So, whaddaya say now, Lucky?
Still think I'm a lousy detective?

No, no, wait! You are absolutely right.
You're absolutely right.

Hello? I wanna order the super-advanced
detective kit.

[elephant trumpets]

No, no, no, no, no!

Please, please, just go back
to being Bonkers!

[theme music playing]