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01x05 - Calling Dr. Herbie

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Herbie, the Love Bug". Aired: March 17 – April 14, 1982.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Dean Jones, who had appeared in two of the films, reprises his role of Jim Douglas, Herbie's original owner, now a retired race car driver who works as an instructor at the Famous Driving School with his partner Bo Phillips.

01x05 - Calling Dr. Herbie

Post by bunniefuu »

can a new station wagon Drive Herby to drink you have the honor of being the

first juvenile delinquent in the family when Herbie takes it on the lamb you bring that car in and the reward is

yours will Herby The Fugitive Escape capture with a price on his cylinder head pressure

can fugitive Herbie become Dr Herby to a sick little boy next on Herbie the

lovebug thank you

sing it is chassis not very Sleek but he's bright and he's sassy when you're

with him you better leave your cares behind her being he makes you feel that there's

a rainbow waiting just around the bend

and if the chips are down you know he'll help you to the end and herb is my best

friend my best friend [Music]

[Applause] [Music] my best friend

[Music]

foreign [Music]

's breakfast oh well uh first things first and the first thing on my list this morning is to get this button on

Jim's shirt out oh he could wear another one will you give me a break

I just want to pamper him a little bit you know make him feel at home he sure

feels at home in the shower he's been in there for 20 minutes well I think that's the Boy Scout in him

you know cleanliness is Next to Godliness I want to be next to courageousness if the rest of us have to take cold showers

every morning I think the natives are getting restless

oh well the natives have been natives here a lot longer they can wait just a minute

no no I'm I'm saving that tell them that I'm saving that and uh

oh I'll be right down well hurry up or I'll eat it myself

damn I'm going down to make breakfast why that's all I get I don't get a kiss

I love you honey

okay breakfast coming right up too late we had frozen waffles

and mine was still frozen what's in my lunch um I don't know uh honey asked Matthew

he made it again your day he made peanut butter and jelly and left out the peanut butter not today

I left out the jelly Matthew I thought we had a new deal and you were going to be a helper yeah well tell Robbie to be

a helper and eat what I make him looks like we've got a budding Picasso here no it is it's it's Herbie do we call Lily I

painted it how about that it's a nice likeness gonna hang it up in the assembly this

morning when I come Mom oh honey I still have to return some presents for Jim I

haven't learned all the sizes but I will try I really will

didn't shave close enough oh why don't you guys get in the car and

I'll be right there yeah right after you take 10 minutes to say goodbye to Jim

well that's one of the Privileges of being a newlywed Matthew

why don't you let me take them to school huh okay

[Music]

there's enough room for my football stuff [Music] Jim I stand on we're going in Herbie

he's already got the engine warming up look at this Kirby I wish you could see it it looks just like you they're gonna

hang it up in the assembly mom's gonna come we're not all gonna fit in here

listen we have the tryouts today so how about leaving you home listen I'm gonna go tell Mom we're going in her car

[Music] wait [Music]

I can't believe

oh Mom we're only taking it on a Shakedown Cruise Mrs Douglas I am sorry

Jason that kind of Shakedown shakes me up bloody Mom it's only the school Jason

why don't you come back tomorrow with four wheels huh oh come on look I don't

like to take sides honey but motorcycles are not really a good idea without a helmet and proper shoes on

about these football stuff so then we'd have room in Herbie forget it

sorry it's okay Jason no harm no foul

[Music] uh Susan there seems to be a little

question about whether to take your car or not now before I take sides again would you tell me bigger question as to

whether or not we can take my car when did you do that Mom well I didn't

think I had do you realize that something's been going wrong with this car ever since we

got married it is either the bumper or or a flat tire or the tail light yeah I

think I can fix it temporarily there's a way to fix it for good why don't we trade it in today on a nice

family station wagon uh

uh I I guess we didn't talk about that didn't we yeah and we have the trade-in right here and you said you could handle

the payments on a used wagon I said something I I think that that kind of

sounded like that yeah but let's talk about it somewhere else I I mean a little bit later well how about the used

car lot on Forest Avenue at about 11 they have some wonderful station wagons right fine fine it's okay fine okay Mom

what about the assembly you promised honey you know how I love your paintings

and how proud I am of you but it's not every day that I get Jim in the mood to look at a station wagon come on come on

okay let's go now okay good good guys in the car

I'll see you there at 11. it's Wally Wally's Motors yeah okay it's as fast as

you seat belts back there why don't you okay we will all right carefully now okay honey okay

hello bye-bye [Music]

Herbie it is hard enough to ease into married

life you are not helping [Applause]

those little accidents that have been happening to Susan's car Herbie

they have not gone unnoticed but not so funny feeling that the one

responsible is the same one that got the shakes at the mere mention of our getting a family station wagon

knock it off Herbie it's inevitable

got a big family now buddy there are times they don't want to be sitting on top of one another that's all simply

need more room what are you doing [Music]

I said room not room in that all right let's go Kirby

[Music] Herbie look buddy you keep this up I'm gonna

give you something to shake about [Music]

are you feeling any better my headaches

now my stomach aches it couldn't be the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I made in this morning he

hasn't even eaten it there doesn't seem to be anyone home

sit quiet honey and we'll get a hold of somebody okay

we got more wagons here than the Oklahoma Land Rush

yes sir now get back to this beauty why they road to rain more than two three

thousand miles oh Wally wouldn't give you a bum steer honey

and this is a real family wagon and I mean whatever size your family is or

gets to be well I

I tell you what let's call it a deal on a conditional basis I'd like to take it for a spin see how she handles oh yeah

yeah take it for as long as you like an hour a day right off into the sunset on

your trusty new Steve maybe we could discuss it over vittles at our Chuck Wags huh no youngins

love too hey let me do that honey

don't worry about that little desert Ranch I'll see to it he don't get Swept Away by the sanitation department

you're gonna love it bye-bye [Music]

I'm putting you out back this lot's got station wagon not junk wagon

[Music]

what's going on here [Music] name a rodeo

[Music]

what are you trying to do [Music]

what's going on somebody get me out of here help help somebody get me out of here

[Music] foreign

pretty good for a big car dragging your feet just a little no what

made you say that you know I love Herbie but we've got to have a bigger car for the whole family

heart I know that I was just saying the same thing to Herbie I mean uh I you're

right you're right you're absolutely right are you sure I'm sure what I'm not sure of if I've

taken you Across the Threshold yet wanna try for six

thank you uh the school was oh oh uh sorry I

hello if you're driving was as bad as your timing we wouldn't have any students at all well I've been calling

all over uh the school's trying to get in touch with you guys it's about Robbie he's not feeling very good

dear that can mean anything from he really is sick to there's something he wants to watch on television this

afternoon oh right well there's nothing to get nervous about

well look honey you better go check it out Paul will drop me by the okay Corral

okay uh want to take a rain check a rain check

it could be in for a blizzard give Robbie a kiss for me okay as long as it's not something catchy

thanks bro if you don't need me I think I'll take an early lunch

sure go ahead anyone interfere with your late lunch [Music] thank you

so had a little accident here yeah a disaster look at this outfit and I got three commercials and a Market opening

today less too bad say uh I I think I've lost my car well consider yourself lucky Mac and you

seem to have lost your accent what happened that car if that's what you want to call it is a dangerous weapon

that's what happened I'm sorry you had trouble no more it's not my problem anymore from now on it is your problem

hey hey look look I don't know what you're talking about and I don't know what happened here but uh maybe you

don't want me to buy that station wagon ah look at here partner no need to get

all riled up over nothing that little Barn of yours just turned into a bucket

burn coin run over that little old fire hydrant oh well where is that little Garment of

mine last I seen that poor little critters being towed away to the impound

hey hey wait a minute

Susan honey does an impound Place someplace out on Delancey road I'll get

the address going after you drop me by there I want you to call Mrs fernstrom and postpone her lesson for two o'clock

check honey I'm home how's Robbie no no don't worry whatever he's got at least

he's got youth on his side I'm certainly glad you're not an alarmist though

how is he oh he's resting but I can't say he's better there's no sign of a cold no sore throat just a fever oh boy

it could be anything but it probably isn't whatever it is honey will handle it oh

I'm sure you will there's no need to be nervous right right uh say would you folks mind if I

made a quick trip to the kitchen I got a little case of the munchies you know where it is check

he knows where it is whether he's nervous or not sit down a minute honey and just relax okay

nice to have you around Mighty glad to be here man when I think of all the years not having

you know that fever gets any worse we should call the doctor you're sounding more like a father every

minute I'm trying Matthew you're talking to the wrong man

about football now if they ever get a pinnacle team let me know uh was that Robbie Colin yeah I'm afraid he's

feeling worse and this will never hold me

this is the wrong time to tell anybody about my touchdown

oh no problem Dr Williams we'll be there thank you

is he coming no honey we're going where am I going well Dr Williams is at

the hospital today so we're gonna go there we'll take the station wagon

but I want to go on her well you can't Robbie Herbie's not here

I am honey but but he's in an impound area and I have to bail him out

a slight complication we'll take the station wagon for sure then

I'll go with you but what about Herbie I think Roddy would feel better if you

went and got Herbie [Music] okay [Music]

it's a bug with racing stripes and a 53 painted on the side of it oh yeah the

water bug I've come to Bailey mosque

uh the price go up in your case way up

I have a hold on your bug until you pay this amount to the man

oh fire hydrant it's the water they're gonna charge me for the water

I've been drinking that stuff for years it tastes terrible they're not interested in opinions they want payments

oh look look I I don't think I have the money with me then you don't get the car

ah couldn't you bend the rules just a little bit I got a new family my my

youngest boys in the hospital couldn't you do something I could lend you a handkerchief

you're all heart look you've got a sob story I have heard them all now no car

gets sprung from here unless the cash crosses here I may have lost a few friends but I've never lost a car thanks

Warden I wonder if it would be too much of a problem you want visiting privileges go right ahead thanks

through the fence [Music]

well Herbie I hope you're satisfied you have the honor of being the first juvenile delinquent in the family

thank you Kirby I don't what you did was so irresponsible not to

mention very very costly and your timing couldn't have been worse

did you know Robbie's sick Susan had to take him to the hospital oh no no no no no no no no no

you save it for yourself buddy because you're gonna have to stay here until I go get the checkbook and come

back and bail you out thank you

well the fever tells us something is wrong but it doesn't always tell us what

as long as he's here it might be a good idea to have him stay overnight for observation in the hospital

would one of these make you feel happy

are you Herbie no Jim Douglas nice to meet you this is my husband Dr Williams

oh nice to meet you doctor see her baby could he go outside and see Herbie I'm

afraid not Herbie's not out there did you get him well I couldn't Robbie I

didn't have enough money with me you can have my piggy bank

well that's that really isn't it Robbie I uh I just came by to see how you were

and then I'm gonna go get Herbie why did you just leave him look I'll uh talk to admissions

we love you well in no time Robbie thanks Doc thanks

I want to go home with you mommy oh honey I'm not gonna leave I'm gonna stay

right here with you all night well not all night but at least you get settled

I tell you what pal after I pick up Herbie I'll I'll bring him around outside your window here and honk okay

why don't I go on home and check on the other kids okay oh would you mind no no no Beau has to drive me by there anyway

to pick up the checkbook and then we have to go to the school and apologize to Mrs fernstrom for missing the lesson and anything else I forgot

how do you like married life love it love it might even survive it with this kind of

treatment [Music]

you feel better son [Music]

check it out the silver Roadster what do you think not bad huh yeah

yeah I'll show you what's better come on

racing stripes numbers I bet that's got a hot engine

yeah Maybe Maybe I think I've seen this car in racing

magazines that's the target hey man not a chance

look defense is barbed wired there's an alarm system I mean there's reason skinhead never

lost the car he's going to lose this one tonight there's ways that little dune buggy is

going to be ours we strip the lights the Defenders the

bumpers we tear it right down okay

don't go away pal we'll be back [Music]

foreign

Julie and Matthew hi kids be right back okay

uh Julie's okay uh she's gone to Rosemary's to study

and uh Matthew's okay too dear Mom and Jim I went to the neighbors neighbors

n-a-y-b-o-r-s he's the one that should be studying

that is if Julie really is studying you don't think she is

well I don't know she was very impressed with Jason and his new motorcycle this morning you got to read between the

lines when you're a parent have gone to Rosemary's to study

ah now you see that little wiggle you see a squiggle right before study oh yeah right there that's a nasty little

wiggle all right yeah that could mean she's gone to Rosemary's to study boys

on motorcycles Bo maybe you could help me out more by

disagreeing with me oh I might I

can't do it I mean I can't call her and then check up on her

kids got to know you believe in them

maybe I should stay here till she gets home oh that's all right I heard we can wait till tomorrow

if they're alone I mean overnight in a jail but you said never mind what I said

we better get out there and get Herbie foreign no problem

I did have a fella earlier came up short I had to tell him no money no car you

lose a few friends that way but I've never lost a car [Music]

Herbie the Love Bug will continue [Music]

foreign

[Music]

my car is stolen well you ought to know you are the prime suspect

you think I stole my own car why would I be standing here in front of you maybe

you are very clever maybe you are very dumb now look buddy I thought you never

lost a car I have never lost my temper either but I'm coming close

let's go oh

I lost my ride too

okay how did it happen you got any leads all I have got is a hole hole a hole

I've got a barbed wire fence an alarm system who could figure someone would have brains enough to dig out under the

fence Herbie you know the guy oh no no no no I I was just just well whoever he

is he's got a drag net out for him now what ring it again oh it's just another

call Larry no it's not just another card of the old man Walker it is a vendetta and if he's got a reward out on this

thing we're getting it we're not here we're not

take the clock come on Walker

there goes on reward a weekend in Palm Springs let's get him

can you see who was driving well kinda maybe we should call for a backup huh

nah he didn't look that tough [Music]

foreign we lost them we couldn't have yeah well

then where is he he should be right up in front of us [Music]

how did he get behind us when it should be in front of us let's go find it [Music]

you're gonna do some driver yeah well he's never messed with me before [Music]

he went into the market parking lot then he's trapped break out the suntan

oil call the boss we got him court all right good now stay

with him you bring that car in and the reward is yours in fact you bring it in before dark it's double

double you got it forget about a weekend at Palm Springs

Walker we're looking at Vegas yeah there he is

I hate to say this lyrics say what well I know it's going to sound crazy say it

I didn't see anybody in that car get you set them now I don't even see

the car we lost him again

[Music]

boss we lost them you'll get no reward for lost him you better find him again

or I'll be having two turkeys for dinner looks like our weekend in Vegas is gonna

turn out to be a weekend in Death Valley [Music]

thank you

I don't understand it

no Kirby Jim promised

I know I know I'm a little worried do

you feel maybe he's in an accident

oh I'm sure he didn't hon Tim's a very

good driver not Jim Herbie I wanted to

see him I know you will

honey

[Music]

I have to leave now

the visiting hours are over

to get a good rest

Mama see you in the morning okay

[Music]

[Music]

hello sweetheart where have you been

I've been trying to call you but no

answer yeah yeah I know I just got home

myself how's Robbie no he's not that

great he would have loved to have seen

Herbie yeah believe me so would I

Herbie's missing from the impound area

I've been searching all over for it oh

Jim I'm sorry so am I

and I'm sorry about Robbie Mom I just

assumed he'd be better otherwise I never

would have gone out

he went out oh well she went out with

rosemary to study oh she left me a note

well while we're counting noses where's

matthew he's at the neighbors Bruce

Neighbors

is that

n-a-y-b-o-r-s that's where he is

that's for Herbie that's another story

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

thank you

[Music]

look

I'm gonna take the wagon keys and go

ahead and look for him again why didn't

you take time out I'll make you a nice

hot cup of tea oh that sounds great

come on honey

okay just for a minute

[Music]

it's hip

shall we take him oh Oh you mean like we

did the last three times no no no we are

gonna follow him carefully

[Music]

I'm sorry I didn't get hurt me by the

hospital to see Robin

I'm really worried about him he seems so

down

I know it sounds crazy

but I bet he would have perked up a lot

if he'd known Herbie was nearby

[Music]

let's go

[Music]

home for dinner

that's all you're thinking about isn't

it Muriel home for dinner

let me tell you something I don't care

if your meatloaf is burned to two crisps

or your mother

what is so important you want me to tell

you what's important a man's reputation

is at stake here that's what's important

30 years of a man's life is at stake

here

Muriel nobody nobody digs a hole under

my fence and buries me

[Music]

foreign

are we gonna take him

as soon as we find him again

[Music]

he went in the back door at a hospital

back door of the hospital

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

thank you

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Music]

there's you and me and Matthew and Julie

and Mom at the other end I didn't have

enough room for Jim

he's on the other side

see

I wanted mom to stay but she couldn't

she was worried about Jim now she

doesn't even make me lunch anymore

hey thanks that's my favorite song

wow oh my favorite kind of cake

I don't care if everybody goes away as

long as you don't hurt me

[Music]

I love you Herbie

and we'll be friends forever

and ever

[Music]

hi

oh honey you look

uh

you look uh awful yeah

I feel even worse

well no wonder

and I kept reaching out for you all

night and all I kept getting was empty

air

same luck I had with Herbie nothing

well how's Robbie honey did you try the

hospital I almost wish I didn't I got a

nurse who just came on duty and she

didn't know anything yeah yeah well uh

station wagon's warmed up let's go find

a nurse who does

why are we also

good come on yeah

Matthew

[Music]

Jim did you push the garage door opener

I guess I did

well I guess you got Herbie too I

thought you said you didn't get it I did

I mean I thought I I that's what I I

thought I said but look hey Robbie first

okay I'll explain that oh piling kids

Pile in you take the yeah yeah yeah I

did you take the wagon drive carefully

I'll bring Herbie on down hop in okay

see you down there

thanks a lot Herbie

I'm out all night hunting for you and

you're tucked away in a comfortable

garage

[Music]

you've given me a lot of explaining to

do Herbie and you got a lot of

explaining to do yourself

I can't trust you anywhere even locked

up in a jail

you cost me a lot of Anguish it cost me

a lot of money Herbie you know you're a

fugitive don't you

what do you want to do wind up with your

picture on a post office wall

well just calm down calm down

try and find something good about this

thing at least you didn't take it out on

that new station wagon the way I was

afraid you were going to but that you

have my thanks

[Music]

oh

I see we still have a lot of talking

that's station wagon buddy is a fact of

life

we were acting like a spoiled brat

Herbie

you're gonna have to get a hold of

yourself

face up to it

of course it's a new face in the family

no reason for anybody to fall apart

[Music]

okay buddy boy

you are really pushing your luck

roll that window up Herbie

roll that window down

[Music]

all right you have brought this on

yourself Herbie in exactly three seconds

I am closing down your high-speed valves

I am maladjusting your timing until you

come to your senses

we've all had adjustments to make and

some of us are adjusting to them and

some of us aren't

sure sure you're unhappy right well so

is Robbie he's out there in the hospital

with a temperature yes he has a

temperature and nobody knows what it's

from

foreign

[Music]

I had a thought about that that

temperature what temperature the one

that's normal this morning

great temperature's down no pain he

feels fine I love it I love you

and I love him

yeah

yeah sure do

how about that hey that is really that's

where's the whole family

of course look at that I didn't see them

before there they are uh-huh why fight

it

I bet Herbie likes it better than the

one I showed him last night

what do you mean you showed him when he

was here Robbie he was too honey you had

a high fever last night sometimes that

can cause bad dreams

he was the best dream I've ever had he

played my favorite song and he gave me a

piece of cake

chocolate layers

well whatever you say Robbie

good morning everyone good morning Dr

Williams hello doctor well he's all

yours thank you for everything

but I'd like to take credit for it and I

will when I send you the bill

but uh whatever it was went away by

itself

let's just hope it doesn't come back

yes I certainly hope it doesn't come

back doctor goodbye

well I think

probably you should go on down to the

nurse's station and uh

check Robbie out

I'll help him finish up dressing okay

come on guys

you know we're gonna be glad to get out

of here

won't ya

[Music]

well they're sure funny

you have to notice how people make jokes

about Father and Son talks

yeah I know I've seen him on TV the

father talks about something and the kid

tries to figure what he's talking about

yeah yeah that's the kind

I don't

why don't you and I have a little talk

okay

okay

let's talk about uh all the attention

that I've been getting from your mother

and how that makes you feel

that looked pretty well tells it

[Music]

you know

before you go getting another fever

see the reason she's doing that is

because I'm the new guy in town

it's trying to make me feel welcome

pretty soon

you're going to be getting all the

attention that you used to get plus a

whole lot more from that new member of

the family

[Music]

does that mean you'll be tying my shoes

every day

no

but I'll give you a hug and a kiss every

day

would you like that

for something special

foreign

yes and the family that overhears

together learns together and you know

what I think

I think that from now on there should be

no special attention to any member of

the family New or Old yeah Mom now would

someone like to hear about my touchdown

no if there's any question about where I

was last night can I just no and I'd

like to explain how Herbie got in the

garage this morning no

okay so I won't leave from now on

there's not gonna be any special

attention to any of you you're all going

to be neglected

[Music]

no you keep back from this car kid this

car is being towed

hey hey wait a minute you can't do that

anyway you stay away from this car why I

ought to have the police throw the book

at you my men chasing you around the

city last night yeah we had a little

problem problem you try facing cold

meatloaf and your mother-in-law for

breakfast then tell me about problems no

you have cost me a night's sleep you are

not costing me a perfect record yeah

well I didn't sleep too good either you

see our son's been sick and don't tell

me the sob story about the kid in the

hospital I've heard it well you're gonna

hear it again he was two in the hospital

this car means a lot to him to Levine

that's right it's like a member of the

family

again and you certainly wouldn't want to

be responsible for that would you right

now this check covers everything I owe

it's a deal congratulations

congratulations

[Music]

Saturday morning hold on to your carrots

and get set for laps catch Bugs Bunny

and his wild and wacky friends on The

Bugs Bunny Road Runner Show now stay

tuned as Roscoe's in the money and he's

gone Hog Wild on a special two-hour

Dukes of Hazard next following news

break

foreign