02x06 - Episode Mr. 206

[bunniefuu]

- [MR. 206] I just told you

- [KEVIN] Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay.

- [MR. 206] to go

- [KEVIN] Okay. Okay.

- [MR. 206] the f*ck away!

- [KEVIN] Now, hold on, hold on.

- [ANDRE] Okay. Okay. Okay.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey! sh*t!

Come on, baby. It's me.

- It's me.

- It's Kevin Hart.

Give me one good reason why

I shouldn't k*ll the both of you right now.

Kevin's about to have a movie

that's gonna get him an Oscar.

Well okay. Wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait. Your protege.

We're here because of your

protégé, Doug, Doug Eubanks.

What about him?

[KEVIN] Well, he, he we uh, we

We're here 'cause he's losing his sh*t.

Yeah. No, he's, he's absolute

That's not that's not true.

Because you don't deserve a lie.

I'm not here to lie to you.

- No.

- I'm Imma,

imma be honest with you, man.

I screwed him over.

I screwed him over and I'm here

because I wanna make things right

and I can't do that without you, Mr. 206.

Well, how do you like your tea?

[KEVIN] Hmm?

[SLURPING]

Do I make you uncomfortable?

No, I'm just I'm just

so nervous for you, sir,

because you got really hot tea

and it's just right above your,

your ba*ls, so

What are you doing? What are you

[ANDRE] Oh, my God. What the f*ck?

[KEVIN] Oh, God. Oh, man. Come on.

- What the f*ck?

- Come on, man.

The ancient Babylonians believed

that undergarments were a sign of weakness.

I tend to agree.

I respect that.

I respect that.

I just, um

[CLEARS THROAT]

I just wanna I wanna thank you

for taking the time

'cause I know you didn't, uh

Cut the compliments,

tell me why you're here.

I, um, I know you're Doug's mentor, right?

If there's anyone that knows

how he operates,

how he thinks, it's I need your help.

Watch your eye. Watch your

Let's walk.

Doug Eubanks is more than just

a former student of mine.

He's my friend, my confidant.

Briefly in 2003, he was my lover.

Doug's the most fearless stunt performer

that I've ever trained.

One time he asked me

to stab him with an icepick

because he needed to know how it felt

so he could replicate that reaction

when the cameras are rolling.

- Did you do it?

- With pleasure.

As a stuntman, you embrace pain.

Lay your life on the line for your actor

every day you step on set.

And occasionally, an actor says thanks.

Sometimes they don't say thanks,

sometimes they just fire you without warning

'cause all of a sudden, they

think they're John f*cking Rambo

but they're nothing but

a little b*tch with a giant ego.

Yeah, yeah. So hey, are you

gonna talk to him for me?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Actors talk, stuntmen stunt.

You're gonna have to fight Doug,

and you're gonna lose.

Oh, sh*t. Then why,

why you even talk to me then?

Only reason I'm talking to you is 'cause

every person is trapped

in a story of their own design,

and I know the exact story

you're trapped in.

Yeah. It's a revenge story.

That's not revenge. It's redemption.

No, I'm pretty sure it's revenge.

What do you really want?

I want my life back. I wanna defeat Doug.

Defeat Doug. Doug's the enemy.

Doug's the bad guy, you're the good guy?

I just wanna make sure

I'm hearing this right.

Okay. Maybe we're both bad guys.

No, Kevin.

You're both good guys.

Did you hear that?

I'm trying to figure it out.

He f*cked Doug.

I didn't hear that. What?

He f*cked Doug.

I didn't catch that. I was

Right at the top, he said right over there.

He said he f*cked Doug.

No. I saw a ladybug. I got lost.

So that means he's kinda f*cked you before.

[KEVIN] No. No, wait a minute.

No, he hasn't.

This is my dojo.

Well, it kind of looks

like a bunch of trees,

if you ask me, but all right.

Goodness gracious.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

- Coming through.

- Yup. Yup. Sure.

- Coming through.

- Sorry.

You really gotta share the trail, guys.

- [ANDRE] It's our fault.

- [KEVIN] Sorry.

We didn't even know

it was a trail, to be honest.

I had no idea.

So this is where you're gonna

train me to face Doug, huh?

Let me explain something to you.

Stuntmen's creed, you need an actor.

Every role you ever trained for,

Doug trained harder.

Every martial art you supposedly learned,

Doug learned it for real.

He had to.

'Cause when the cameras are rolling,

it was his a*s on the line, not yours.

Sitting in video village, sipping lattes,

eating sushi off nude models.

Hey, first of all,

I got a bad case of pink eye.

I learned my lesson.

- Hasn't happened since.

- Hmm.

You never appreciated Doug. Actors never do.

Hey, well, I recently learned

that there's a lot of people

that I may have under appreciated.

Good, Kevin. That's growth.

See that branch up there?

Yeah.

Climb that tree, crawl up to that branch,

and give me a dead drop to the ground.

Uh, how am I supposed to

You wanna know how Doug thinks?

You wanna know how he operates?

You must see the world as he sees it.

Without fear, without hesitation.

I'm a little scared, though. I'm

just gonna throw that out there.

It's not like I'm

I volunteer as tribute.

Damn right you do.

This is Kevin's journey,

that's his dead drop branch.

No, that's what you don't

understand. You know why?

- Because what's Kevin's is mine.

- Well

Well right. I mean,

not your material wealth.

- Or, or your income.

- [KEVIN] No.

- Or your success.

- [KEVIN] No.

No.

Or your rare collection of cars,

which are amazing.

- [ANDRE] Right? None of that.

- No.

But his pain, his anguish,

basically anything that's bad,

anything that's bad, that's mine, too.

That is my journey.

Brother.

Oh, my God. [GRUNTS]

What's happening, guys?

Guys, this don't look good from

the back. What's going on?

[SCREAMING]

[ANDRE YELPS]

Kevin, you can't compete with Doug.

But you clearly have the

one thing he will never have,

you have a sidekick.

Andre? No, Andre is my Andre is, like,

my what, what would you call it?

- [KEVIN] I guess it's, uh

- Andre's your what?

- [KEVIN] He's, he's

- No, no, no. No, no.

- Andre's

- Hey, hey, no, no, no.

Andre's your what? I want you to say it.

- [KEVIN] Well, I was gonna say

- He's right there.

- [KEVIN] Yeah, he's, he's

- No, no, he's right there.

- [KEVIN] It's just like

- Andre's your what?

You don't have to do this, man.

He's right there. He's your what?

He's well, he's my assistant.

My assistant. He

- Is he?

- He's

- Say it.

- Andre's my he's my sidekick.

- Say it.

- He's Andre's my sidekick.

- Say it.

- He's my sidekick.

Yeah. I need you to say it.

Okay. Andre, Andre is my sidekick.

Goddammit, Kevin!

I need you to f*cking say it!

And I need you to believe it

deep down in your f*cking ba*ls.

Uh Andre is my sidekick.

- Huh?

- I said, Andre is my sidekick!

- Huh?

- Who's your sidekick?

- I said, Andre is my sidekick!

- [ANDRE] I'm your sidekick.

- Andre

- [ANDRE] I'm your sidekick.

- is my side

- I'm your sidekick!

What's happening to me, man?

It's growth, Kevin. Growth hurts.

That's a pain no double can take for you.

You see, Kevin,

you came here seeking a mentor,

but it's you. You are the mentor.

Hell, yeah.

You know what? You know what?

You two, uh, take this moment, talk.

Talk over your new bond.

I'm gonna go get my tea.

What a f*cking day. [LAUGHS]

I mean, now, that I'm essentially

have been deputized as your sidekick,

I have an idea for Doug.

We can work together on this.

We got to get close to him, okay?

Not to record him or anything, like

What's wrong? What's wrong?

The scar on his hand.

Yeah?

I think I recognize that scar.

[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]