Project X (2012)

[bunniefuu]

What up, my lovely females?
This is your boy, Costa.

Your host for the evening.

Behind me is Thomas Kub's house,

today is Thomas Kub's birthday,

and this is Project X, yo.

[2 Live Crew's
"We Want Some p*ssy" playing]

Hey, we want some p*ssy...

Hey, we want some p*ssy...

Birthday cake! Mmm.

Dax, my d*ck is gonna
get so wet tonight--

- Excuse me?
- sh*t! Um...

- Mrs. Kub, I thought you guys left already.
- So,

what's getting wet tonight?

Uh... nothing.
I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Kub.

Who's your friend?

Don't worry about him. We're just sh**ting
this little birthday movie for Thomas.

It's, like, this day-in-the-life
thing that we do.

He's still in the shower.

See you later.

[whispering]
f*ck me, that was close!

Dax...

- Happy birthday, m*therf*cker!
- sh*t!

What the f*ck, dude?

- What the f*ck, man?
- Get out. Quit jerking off to your mom.

So, dude, it's your last day of being a loser.
How does it feel?

Ew! You're such a d*ck, Costa.

That sh*t never gets old.

What's up, Dax?
How'd they rope you into this?

He's one of J.B.'s guys from g*y-V club.

He's a f*cking weirdo, I know,
but he's a solid sh**ter.

He's gonna make us look pimping.
You f*cking better!

- Thomas, get down here!
- Oh, sh*t. Let's go.

You said your parents were
gonna be gone by 7.

- Come on.
- I don't want to go talk to your f*cking dad.

Your mother will k*ll me,
and then I'll have to k*ll you guys.

- Here's 40 bucks for pizza, okay?
- Oh, cool.

You guys can have that.
Knock yourself out.

Back door, turn the alarm system off,

and, look, Thomas, I'm not an idiot.
I know that you're going to have friends over,

- Dad, why do you think--
- Honestly, we have no--

I'm sorry,
who are you?

That's Dax. He's sh**ting a movie
for a birthday ... present.

- He's just a friend from school.
- Four or five friends tops.

I'm just asking that
you please respect my house.

- Okay?
- Alright. Fine.

So, don't forget to leave the
gate open for the gardener.

I know I don't need to tell you,
but my car is off-limits.

- Yeah, Dad, I know.
- Okay. Good.

Pool heater?
Don't touch it.

Also, guys, do not
go in my office, right?

You know I have three
projects I'm working on.

I don't want anybody in there. Clear?

Get out. Out! Out! Out! Out!

Nothing goes in here, alright?

Where's your mom?

Oh, I've got to get the bags.

What... What's going on?
What's the matter?

I'm just worried.

- About what?
- I don't know.

Thomas. Leaving him
alone all weekend.

Please, stop it.
Come on, honey, he's...

- He's 17 years old.
- That's what I'm worried about.

Let's be realistic here, okay?

This is Thomas we're talking about.

- He's not exactly Mr. Popular.
- What is that supposed to mean?

I'm just saying that he's not
that type of kid, you know?

He's got a couple of friends.
They're gonna hang out.

They're not going to do anything.
He's a sweet kid, but...

he's a loser.

[all singing]
Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, Thomas.

Whoo! Yay!

Honey, car's here.
Boys, you've got to get to school.

Cool.

Hold on. We've got to give
Thomas his birthday present.

Mr. Kub, how cool is it that Thomas
was born on your anniversary, huh?

What a great anniversay gift: A baby.

Happy birthday, sweetie!

Mom's minivan? Nice!

- Yeah, and it's just for school and back, all right?
- Yes, of course.

- Cool, right? You've got a car now.
- Thank you so much. I know.

Okay, and, Milo, you take
good care of Thomas, okay?

Mom's gonna miss you.
Okay, bye.

All right. See you, guys.

And, uh, every one of my
phone calls gets answered, right?

- Every one.
- Yeah, I know.

- All right. Have fun.
- Happy anniversary!

Get off me,
you little f*gg*t dog!

Yeah! It's on,
m*therf*cker! Whoo!

Chill out! God damn.

Dude, it was really cool of your mom and
dad to clean it out and wash it for you.

Dude, it's a free car.
I'm not about to complain about a free car.

First off, it's not even a car.
It's a f*cking minivan.

We can't even roll in this.

Dude, too bad your dad didn't give
you the Benz. That would've been sick.

You know, you're right, Costa.
Let's just take your car.

- Oh, you don't have one.
- Good f*cking joke.

So, dog, you ready for tonight?

Uh... I actually want to
talk to you about that

before we jump into it.

- I knew it. You're bitching out.
- What?

What? Dude, I'm not bitching out.

Thomas is bitching out like
the little b*tch that he is.

Oh, my God.

We need this party, man.
You need this party.

I'm just nervous. What if nobody
shows up? What if it sucks?

That's not an option.
People will show up.

Look at J.B. He's like a little
fat Rain Man texting away.

Are you telling me
he doesn't need this?

Holy sh*t! Did your parents give
you the minivan? That's awesome!

Hey, Costa.
Hey, Dax!

Excuse me,

can I get to my locker right there?

Dude, why are you staring at my d*ck?

I wasn't.
It's-- my locker is right there...

- Whatever, you f*cking weirdo.
- Just let it go. Just come on.

- Yeah, that's a sweet minivan, soccer mom.
- See? See what I told you?

Is it true what I heard about you
at Sam's party last week?

You got a blowjob from his mom?

That party was so sick.
Everyone got laid.

You know, Wheelchair
Robert even got a handjob.

Nice.

Are you kidding me? Why the f*ck
weren't we at that party, man?

Well, so we missed
the party, dude. Big deal.

It is a big deal.
We miss every party.

I mean, did you hear that guy?

Wheelchair Robert got beat off.
I want to show you something.

You see this? Check this out.
That's Stacia. She's gorgeous, right?

That's my girl back in Queens, and we
could be crushing this kind of a*s.

We need a game-changer.

I mean, no one even knows who we are.

If we want to be big-time players,
we need to make a big-time play.

You feel me?

J.B. ... Whoa! What the f*ck, man?
Why do you have a b*ner?

I don't. It's just ...
my underwear is sitting funny.

- Dude, cover up.
- That's absolutely disgusting.

I mean, it's easy to talk sh*t, when
the party's not even at your house.

Dude, please don't back out.

This party is going to
change everything for us.

Yeah, well, I'm the one
taking the whole risk.

I mean, all you do is show up and drink.

Do you really think your two best friends
would ditch you if something went wrong?

- I'm f*cking offended, man.
- Yeah, me, too.

The whole idea behind tonight

is to get these b*tches to recognize
us as large-scale ballers.

Back in Queens,
I had h*s blowing me on the reg.

Then I started hanging out
with you two? ZERO!

- I just don't really see the point any more.
- How do you not see the point?

There's the point.
There's the point.

- Okay.
- There's two more f*cking points right there!

- It's all around, dude.
- I get it.

If you f*ck this up, I will stab you.
I'm not kidding.

- Okay, like, no more than twenty people.
- Twenty people?

- All right. Thirty people, okay?
- Thirty people?

Yeah. I have to make sure
my house doesn't get totally f*cked.

Thirty people won't change anything for us.

All right. Like, okay,
fifty people absolute max.

Fine. Fifty people.
Absolute max.

You know, just big enough to be cool.

Epic party at Thomas Kub's house. Hot b*tches
dress like it. Ugly b*tches stay home.

Mass marketing.
Ya know.

... and if you guys get there
before we get there,

you could just get in the backyard and
set up, and do what you've got to do.

Dax. Dax.
Go up over the top.

Okay. Really appreciate that.

Oh, uh... I have to
call you back, Sarah. I'm sorry.

Dude, what are you doing, Dax?
Get the f*ck out of here!

- What the f*ck are you doing?
- Guys...

Oh, are you f*cking with me right now?

That was a business call
for your birthday party!

Who takes a sh*t
and makes a business call?

Are you guys kidding me?

Come on, dude. I can't see a thing!
It's dark as f*ck in here!

Dax, come on. Let's get closer.

It should be pretty cool, eh?

Basically chill.

- I'm letting Costa plan most of it.
- Oh.

That sounds like a really brilliant idea.

No, he's doing a good job.

He's, like, getting a bunch of booze, and...

I think, like, a DJ.

A DJ? Super chill.

Guess what Mama Kub
and Papa Kub got for, uh...

Baby Kub?

- ...Baby Kub for his birthday?
- What?

The Kubmobile.

They gave you the minivan?

For my birthday, yes.

Your parents definitely
give the worst gifts ever.

Where's your present?

Dude, are you serious? You haven't gotten
me a birthday present in, like, ten years!

- I thought we were just...
- So?

But, since I am a better friend than you,

I did get you something.

I'll bring it tonight.

Okay, I have to go run.
Happy birthday, loser.

Don't trip.
Oh, sh*t!

Ow!
I'm okay!

Thomas, suck my c*ck.

- What?
- Mama Kub and Papa Kub?

Yeah. Those are my parents, as*h*le.

Damn! She's so f*cking hot, dude.

You think she'll come tonight?

I'm not inviting her.
You've got to do this one.

Alexis won't come.
She f*ck college dudes.

Lamell?

- What the...? I don't know any Lamell.
- Aw, he's cool.

You guys, seriously, the last thing
I want in my house is a bunch of randoms.

Wrong, dude.

The last thing you want
is nobody at your f*cking house.

The more the word gets around,

the more likely these chicks
are going to show up at our party.

Watch and learn how Captain __ does it.

[Trick Daddy's "I'm a Thug" playing]

Hey, girls.
Remember to wear something tight.

What's up, sisters?
Thomas Kub's house. 8 o'clock.

Come get a piece of this white chocolate.

Are you going to be going
to Thomas' birthday party tonight?

Thomas? Who's that?

Who's Thomas?

Is there something there? That d*ck in the
sweater vest was telling us about?

What up, Ace? 8 o'clock.

What are your expectations
for the party tonight, dude?

Get high. f*ck b*tches.
You don't even know.

Yeah, I think we're gonna come.
Can we bring some people?

Can I bring people?

Thomas Kub's house.


[Happy Birthday, Thomas Kub!]

Oh, sh*t!

[J.B. likes hard c*ck]

What we are witnessing

is truly a breathtaking moment

in the life of our young Thomas.

The helpless fetus is
growing a tiny, tiny p*nis.

A p*nis he may some day

insert into this female's vag*na,

should he survive his first encounter

without her
eating him.

[Pusha T feat. Tyler, the Creator
"Trouble On My Mind" playing]

Dude, we need a ton.

Extra-large condoms.

I'm not paying for that sh*t.

[over PA]
Attention, valued shoppers.

Join us for an evening of ballsy
entertainment at Thomas Kub's house.

Dude, stop.

Hey, little one, want
something to drink?

She's gonna catch him,
and he's gonna get his a*s kicked.

Holy sh*t, dude!
It's Miles Teller!

Dude, that's him. Holy sh*t.

Yeah, my boy started at
second base for UMC.

I heard he got sent to detention once
and he ended up banging the teacher.

Mi-Tel, what's crackin', bro?

We go to North Pas.

- Yeah, we're big fans.
- Huge fans.

Cool. Awesome.

Look: we're making a movie.

Invite him, man. Come on.

Okay, uh...

Listen, Miles,

we're having a little
soirée at my place tonight.

I mean, if you want to swing by.

Teller, my boy here is
under-selling this like a m*therf*cker.

The sh*t's gonna be legit.
You should definitely swing by.

Yeah, I can't
I've actually got other plans tonight,

so I might not make it.

Dude, think about it.
It's on Dickens Street.

Love to have you.

Uh... Dickens Street?

That's your party?
You guys are throwing that?

I'm-- That's where I'm going. I heard
it's gonna be f*cking crazy, bro.

Yeah, it's my party.
I'm Thomas Kub.

It's my birthday today.

Yeah, I heard there's gonna be
unlimited high-school p*ssy and sh*t.

Dude, high-school p*ssy for days.

What? Mind your own business, lady.

Um... how are you guys doing
on liquor? You got liquor?

I'll figure it out. I'll tell you what: Don't
even worry about it, man. I'll bring it.

I'll call my boys up.
Don't even sweat about anything.

Thank you so much!

Cool. See you guys tonight, then.

- Alright, cool.
- Dickens Street.

Teller, bring your mitt.
We'll play catch.

No.

Bring your mitt?
f*cking f*ck?

[AMG's "b*tch Betta Have My Money" playing]

Okay, here's what I want:

The party is limited to the backyard, okay?

The house will be locked,
and the alarm will be set.

No one is going inside. All right?

- You want us to throw down in the bushes?
- I don't care.

Dude, if I don't f*ck a girl with big
t*tties tonight, I'm drowning myself.

I don't care if she's 300 pounds.
I have to f*ck a girl with big t*tties.

You feel my drift, J.B.?

Sure do. I mean,
I'd love to get some oral,

or, at least, do some finger-banging.

What? Finger-banging?
Can you please elaborate?

What you're going to do
is take your first finger,

your thumb, and your middle finger.

Make a "come here" motion.
Like, "Hey, come here."

This is called, "The Machine g*n",
or "The Friendly Scissors".

This is called, "The Circle of Pleasure"...
"The Itsy Bitsy Spider" ...

Tapping and circling... Tap-tap-tap...

By the way, keep telling her
how pretty she is all the time.

SHUT THE f*ck UP!

- Oh, my God!
- Your loss, man. It's good knowledge.

You're gonna go straight up here,

and then you're gonna
take a right again.

Alright. Listen. The three of us
will have full access to the house

for sex and finger-banging--

Yes!

-- but no one else, okay?

Of course, bro.
We got your back.

- Okay. Take a right.
- Here?

You're gonna want to lock your doors.

- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.

Lock your doors.

T-Rick. Gotta score
some of that chronic sh*t!

Are you sure this guy is cool?

T-Rick's the coolest.
He's ex-military.

Wait 'til you see his g*n
collection, bro. It's f*cking insane.

This place is ghetto as f*ck.

Yeah. Why the f*ck do we have
to come all the way over here?

I mean, can't we just get it at school?

Where do you think the school
gets it from? This is wholesale, n*gga.

You are literally Ret*rded.

Aw, shut the f*ck up.

T-Rick! Open up!

Hey! What's up, bro?

How you doing?
Everything copacetic?

Dude, everything's great. I see you
upgraded the dish. Everything looks great.

Yeah, I f*cking did. I upscaled it.

These are my boys J.B. and Thomas.

Hi. How are you doing?

...a semi-automatic Mossberg Maverick.

I'd love to go to the range
with you some time. You know?

Yeah. That's a good idea.
Go down to the range.

Get it all out of your system.

Pretend you're k*lling Congs if you want.

[James Blunt - "You're Beautiful"
playing in background]

Alright, well, I'll get your stuff.

- Here. Stoke up the fire, buddy.
- Aw, man, you're the man.

- Okay, T-Rick.
- Yeah. Kick a*s, man.

Can we get going?

- Come sit down, dude.
- Check it out.

- What are you doing?
- f*cking stop.

That's technically a h*m* act.

Oh! I'm coming on Santa Claus' face!

Costa! He's coming back!

- Take it!
- What are you doing? Are you stealing it?

No! Just borrowing it.
We need a f*cking mascot for the party.

Here you go.

Let's do this.
I've got to be at the dojo by five.

Absolutely.

I told you guys.
T-Rick's just a sweetheart.

You little f*cking c*cksucker!

Give me back my f*cking gnome!
Give the gnome back!

Just drive! Go!

He's a f*cking wild man!
He's f*cking crazy!

Holy sh*t!

Oh, my God.

God! Dude,

he f*cking cracked my windshield!

My cousin owns a body shop.
He'll fix it no problem, man.

Kung-fu no good here.

Aaaahhhh!!!

Give me back my gnome!

The guy's like the f*cking Terminator! Jesus!

- No, he was super-pissed, though.
- He scared the sh*t out of me.

Hey, boss.

- What the f*ck?
- There he is.

This is Everett, and his boy, Tyler.

They're gonna be running
security for the night.

Are you serious?

- Are those nunchucks?
- Yeah.

- Oh, sh*t.
- You guys look like ninjas.

Ninjas are f*cking pussies.

- That's why I love this kid.
- You know it.

Seriously, Thomas, with these two,
we've got nothing to worry about.

- We outside the Kub house--
- Hey!

- We've got bogeys.
- What up, Costa?

Do I know you guys?

We heard about your shindig tonight.

- We want in.
- Freshmen?

- Yeah.
- Get the f*ck out of here, man.

- Come on, dude.
- Are you still talking?

Get the f*ck out of here.

- d*ck.
- Oh!

J.B., drop those bags.
We've got work to do.

Hi. Good evening, Mrs. Stilson.

My name is Oliver.
This is my friend, Jonathan.

- We're both friends of Thomas Kub.
- Oh.

Yeah. We're hosting a little
birthday party for Thomas,

and we wanted to give you
the courtesy of informing you that there

possibly would be a little
bit of party-related noise.

I wanted to give you my phone number,
just in case you have any problems or concerns.

You are a very beautiful woman.

- Call me anytime you want.
- Oh, thank you.

That's very sweet of you.

I mean that when I say that
you are a very beautiful woman.

... having a little birthday party for
Thomas Kub. He lives over there.

- Am I invited?
- Uh... Yeah, you can come by.

Well, guys, thank you very much, and
have a good time at your pool party.

Thank you, man. I really appreciate it.
Come by any time you want, man. Seriously.

- All right. Thank you.
- All right.

Bye, baby!

Muchas gracias por su... consideration.

Estas bienvenido.

- Gracias.
- De nada.

- DJ's over there.
- Cool.

- Got the bar set up over here.
- Nice.

- Karaoke in the poolhouse.
- Nice!

Holy sh*t, dude!

Where'd you get a bouncy house?

- Costa hooked it up.
- You know it, baby!

$50 extra with the porta-potty.

They threw these in for free.

- Nice touch.
- Why not? It's a birthday party!

You guys want to help?
Do something!

Hey, Chubs, why don't you grab
your twin brother right there?

- f*ck it, d*ck.
- Hey, dudes, check it out.

Yeah, like that's going to work.

Yes, it is going to work.

Next time your pool guy's here,
he's going to be, like,

"Excuse me, Mr. Kub, but I seem to
have found some water in your semen."

f*cking disgusting.

J.B. I thought I told you pick up ice!

I did. It's in the freezer in the garage.

- What the f*ck are you doing, man?
- I'm getting in shape for the party.

- The party is in three hours!
- It's mostly water-weight.

- Wrestlers do it all the time.
- Yeah, wrestlers also wrestle all the time.

- Let's crank this thing up.
- No! Please, Costa, don't!

It's not gonna work
unless we crank it up.

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

- Let's go! Come on!
- Dax! Dax!

Help me! Dax! Aahh!

Are you alright, dude?
J.B., are you alright?

An hour from now,
this place is a f*cking madhouse.

Not a madhouse. It's going
to be a fun, decent-sized party.

You. Me. Dax.

Thank you. I don't drink alcohol.

Okay, f*gg*t.

To one sick, f*cking night.

Cheers.

sh*t! Come on!

How are you so f*cking
bad at this game, Costa?

Shut up, Kirby.
You're k*lling my concentration.

Thomas, come here, f*ck.
I'm kicking Costa's a*s.

Oh-h*! Watch this.

- Looks like I win.
- sh*t! f*ck you.

You guys, it's like 9:20 already.

Dude, relax. People are going
to show up. I promise, bro.

- It's getting late.
- I'm gonna look like such a d*ck if no one shows.

Shut the f*ck up, Thomas.

It's pissing me off that
you don't trust me to know what I'm doing.

I'm the hub of a very large social circle.

When I put the word out,
it goes f*cking out.

- Oh. My. God.
- What the f*ck are you wearing?

You're gonna get laid, dude.

Ladies love a guy with class.

Are you Ret*rded?

Jesus Christ, man. Where do you
even get sh*t like that?

- Men's Wearhouse.
- Men's Wearhouse?

Hey. Whoa. Shh.

What is it?

That's what I said.
Don't doubt the master, b*tches!

[Lloyd Banks feat. Juelz Santana
"Beamer, Benz, or Bentley" playing]

Dude, we've done good.

Jesus. All those chicks are really hot.

- They're coming in packs.
- This is insane.

L'chaim!

What up, baby girl?

Yeah. This is way more than fifty people.

Of course it is. It's "plus one."

That's f*cking Alexis, dude.

- She came, man.
- Whoa.

Thomas, this is your party.

She's the hottest girl here.

That had better be yours tonight.

[Eminem - "W.T.P." playing]

Where the f*ck is your drink, Thomas?

- I'm not doing beverages.
- What the f*ck does that even mean?

- J.B. get this kid to drink.
- Yeah, all right.

Everybody in the club gettin' tipsy!

Who's that dude with the mustache?

Oh, that's de Rosa. He graduated.

When? In 1986?

Can we at least try
and have a good time?

Wooh!

- He's good.
- Here we go!

Blast off!

That is not f*cking cool!

Oh, my God! It's a flying dog!

That's my f*cking dog!

- Oh, I've got to record this.
- Are you serious right now?

- f*ck this. I'm putting him inside.
- Let me help you.

Can you imagine if your mom ever saw that?

Poor Milo.

I don't know. It's pretty funny.

- Maybe I'll post it on YouTube.
- No!

No. Stop. Don't.

Come on. You're way too easy.

- I love it.
- I hate you.

You'll be okay, Milo. I promise.

Alright, well, um...

I'm going to go back out there.

Yo, what's up, bro?

- Hey, man, what's up?
- Nice party, man.

Yeah, thanks. Would you guys mind
maybe getting off my dad's car?

It's just, he'll go crazy if
anything happens to it, you know?

Alright, man, cool. Thanks.
I appreciate it.

Yeah. Yeah.

Thomas! Take a b*llet
from me right now.

- What the f*ck is that?
- It's tequila. Just f*cking take it.

Come here. Come here. Come on.

Ladies. What's up, ladies?
Who wants to take a shot with the birthday boy?

Hell yeah.

She's a professional. Open up!

Take it! Oh, my God,
she's got a deep throat!

Okay! Open up! Open up!

- What's up, guys?
- Well, we did it.

This is amazing!

How the hell did we get
all these people to show up?

Check it out, guys.

I'm pretty sure it's that girl from Playboy.

- Who?
- My God, it is her.

She graduated three years ago.

She's in Playboy's Pac-10 issue.

Dibs.

Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Well, I want to declare it, just in case.

- [Bus horn honking]
- Oh, sh*t!

We're f*cked.

- What's going on?
- There's people in the house!

sh*t.

- Hey, Costa!
- I'm under-staffed!

Come on! I need your
f*cking help, man. Seriously.

Welcome to the party.
Welcome. Welcome.

- Yo, what's up, man?
- Miles!

How we doing?

That's Ashley. Rachel. Sarah.

Look at all these people
I brought to your party!

Party camera, boost it up.

Let's go!

I'm talking about the f*cking
people in the house, as*h*le, alright?

My parents are going to crucify me
if anything gets f*cked up.

You know what? I don't care
if everyone thinks I'm a d*ck,

- I'm getting them out of the house, now.
- Dude, come on.

Dude, what the f*ck are you doing?

Thomas, please don't
embarass me like this.

Yeah! Thomas!

[Crowd cheering]

That's what I like to see, baby!
Are you having a good time?

Come on, guys. Let's start
making some drinks. Let's get wasted.

Yeah, Costa!

Can I help you, sir?

- I'm here to see Thomas.
- First and last name, please.

I'm Rob, the neighbor.
Who the f*ck are you?

- I'll ask the questions, sir.
- Get out of my way.

Rob. Hey. What can I do for you, man?

Man, I don't mean
to be a d*ck here, or anything,

Your friend Oliver came over earlier and
told me you guys were having a little party,

but this is too much.

Yeah, we actually should be winding
down around midnight. Maybe 1:00.

- Is that okay?
- No, man, it's not.

I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep,
and Melinda has to be up early for work.

f*ck yeah, my boy Rob is here! Rage!
I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep,
and Melinda has to be up early for work.

f*ck yeah, my boy Rob is here! Rage!

Good to see you, brother.

Actually, you know what, bud?
I'm not raging.

I'm actually just telling Thomas
that it's time to shut it down.

You can't be serious. This is a
great party. What the f*ck?

I am serious, 'cause it's 11:30 at night,

and it's time to wrap it up.

Why don't we just bring
everyone to the back, lower the volume--

Guys, this isn't a request.
The party is over.

I guess we'll have to agree
to disagree, then, aren't we?

Listen to me. Thomas, either shut
it down, or I'm calling the cops.

Fine. f*ck it. I'm calling the
f*cking co-- AAAHHH!

Oh, Jesus Christ,
what did you do that for?

Are you f*cking kidding me?
He'll f*cking k*ll you!

Who the f*ck Tased me?
I'm definitely calling the cops now.

You punched a kid in the face.

I'm calling the cops on your a*s now.

Do it, genius.

It's all on tape. I just saw this
m*therf*cker record it right here.

All I got was you punching
that little child's face.

- f*ck you.
- Go home, Robert.

[Crowd booing]

Are you alright, man?
Is he okay?

You're a f*cking champion!

He sucker-punched you.

- We'd own that b*tch in a real fight.
- You think so?

I know so. f*ck that as*h*le.

We'd k*ll him, bro.

- Yo, Costa, what's up?
- Yo, go in the back.

I want you to dial it back like 10-15%.

You can't hard-charge all the time, alright?

- And lose the Taser, okay?
- I got it.

Get down here. We need
a post-up at the c*ck's house.

If he calls the cops, I want you to
radio it over to me. Okay?

Get out of here. Go!

Alexis was eye-f*cking the sh*t out of you,

and you got college girls
on your d*ck. You're golden!

Dude, I'm so f*cked.

Relax, man. Everything
is going great.

Oh, sh*t! Are you
f*cking kidding me?

Didn't I tell you two to f*ck off?

- Get down here, right now!
- Come on, Costa, there's like 200 people here.

I don't care. T, get these
freshmen out of here.

This is party for grown-ups.

- Let's f*cking go!
- This makes no sense.

- There's kids younger than we are!
- Yeah, how the hell did they get up there?

Move it, fellas. Go! Go!
You, too. Get out of here.

That's my boy!
That's my boy!

See? The kid's a pro.
We've got nothing to worry about.

Dude, you heard Rob, man.
What if he calls the cops?

The guy isn't going to do sh*t.
He punched a 12 year-old in the face.

Thomas, everything is under control.

Let's just have some fun.
I got this. Okay?

Cannonball, b*tches!

Get in!

This is the Thomas Kub pool-cam.

Dude, check it out.
Check it out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Read the sign, honey.

Sorry. I don't make the rules.

No f*cking way!

- Dude, go over there!
- Do you f*cking believe this?

Yeah!

[All cheering]

- Oh, my God!
- Holy sh*t! f*cking insane!

Oh, my God. Dude,
that sign f*cking worked.

You've got to have faith, son.

Would you like a glass of wine?

I've got red. I've got white.
I've got Cabernet.

- Merlot.
- Just another beer would be great.

How'd this thing get up here?

- Was someone in my parents' room?
- It's a gnome. I guess he gets around.

- Who cares, man?
- I just don't want people up here.

Besides, it's creepy.
Look at it.

J.B., what are you looking for?

Looking to see if your dad has condoms.

I'm working on something downstairs.

The only thing you're working on
is diabetes, you fat f*ck.

Whoa, dude, Alexis just texted me.

What? What's it say?

Body shots for the birthday boy right now.

- Dude, it's f*cking on!
- Check it out.

- Your dad is a freak.
- Stop.

Costa, wait! What are you doing?

Replying.

- Don't. Here, don't send that.
- Send. Too late, man.

What did you write?

"I want your a*s, too, mommy"?

"I want your a*s, Mommy"?
Who talks like that?

I do. The sh*t works.

Go. Go talk to her.

[White Arrows - City Boy [KKS mix] playing]

Wait, wait wait!
No, no, no, no.

- What?
- Not like that. Not like that.

Like this.

Put this in your mouth.

Your turn.

Kub! House phone!
House phone!

sh*t! Sorry.

Look out. Sorry.
Sorry. Excuse me.

Sorry.

Thanks. Close that behind you.

sh*t! Dax, find the phone!

Alright, f*ck it.
Just be quiet.

- Hello?
- Thomas.

- Are you there? Where've you been?
- Dad, hey.

We've been trying your cell phone all night.

I thought we agreed
all my calls would be answered.

Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry about that.

We... We were in the hot tub,
so I didn't have it on me.

Thomas, please, I don't want to find
any wet towels when we get home.

- I want to come to a clean house, okay?
- Yes. Definitely.

[Knocking on door]
We were just calling-- What was that?

[whispering]
Dude, look at her!

What was that? Thomas?

Uh... nothing. That was Costa.
You're on speaker-phone.

Well, we just wanted to call
one last time before going to bed,

and make sure
you're all set for the night.

Yup, all good. Um...

I'm actually about to
go to sleep ... right now.

Great. Well, we'll see you Sunday.

- Happy birthday, Thomas.
- Thanks, Dad. Good night.

Good night.

Holy sh*t!

Yeah! f*ck yeah!

Hey, I'm not here to bust anybody.
I'm just here to party.

C'mon, give me a break.
You got a ball?

- Yeah, man.
- Let's do this.

Here we go.

Up high! Come on, right here! Yeah!

What's that, dude? Hold on, I can't
f*cking hear a thing you're saying.

Speak up, E.

What? E?

What the f*ck are you doing here?

- What are you going to do about it?
- Dickhead.

You're a f*cking as*h*le.

Go ahead, bro.
What's happening?

Subject is currently arguing
with an overweight woman,

most likely his wife.
She wants him to call the police.

He says he wants to
handle it himself. He's drinking.

They're in the kitchen.
I'm upstairs.

- Kids are asleep. Over.
- Wait! In their house?

Are you f*cking kidding me?

E, get the f*ck out! Now!

Negative. I'm a ghost. Out.

What the f*ck am I
going to do with this kid?

E? E?

[Bonde do Rolê - Marina Do Bairro playing]

- Are you having fun?
- Yeah, I'm having a good time.

It's pretty f*cking crazy.

Oh, my God.

What was wrong with me?

Wow.

This was before Costa.

Yeah. The good old days.

Yeah. Back when you were
still in the crew, right?

You used to be so cute.
What happened?

Shut the f*ck up.

It still looks like me.

Was that weird? I'm sorry.

- sh*t. That was weird, wasn't it? f*ck.
- No... It was a little weird.

Um...

Cops on the way! Now!
Everybody, now! Party in the back!

Get in the back, now!

Hey, you over there!
Get in the back!

Cops are coming! Let's move!

Move it! Move it!
Let's go! Hurry up!

Cops are coming!
Everybody in the back!

Costa!

- Hey! Costa!
- Everybody get in the back!

Hey, what's going on?

- The cops are on the way right now.
- Oh, sh*t.

Get in the back, now!

Everybody move! Let's go!

Hide the bottles!

Get going! Get in the back, now!

Get out, you guys, please!

- They're on their way, now.
- Wait. How do you know that?

Don't ask. My boy is in deep.

Gotta clear this f*cking beer out of here.

- Is that everything?
- Yeah.

I've got your chalice.

Law enforcement currently on-scene.

Standing down ... for now.

- I don't hear anything.
- No, it doesn't sound like a party.

Not a party that's still going, anyway.

Evening, officers.

You fellas having a party?

Yeah, we're having a small, little
birthday gathering for my friend.

I'm the friend. It's my birthday.

A lot of cars for a small party.

SSSSSShhhhhhh!!!!!

The house. Whose is it?

Is there a problem here, officers?

We have a noise complaint.

- Mind if we look around?
- I'd prefer if you didn't.

We're not asking.

Excuse me, officers.
I'm not a lawyer or anything,

doesn't the law state that you cannot enter
through a private residence without permission?

Is there an adult here we might speak with?

You're speaking with one.
I'm 18½ years-old, sir,

and, of course, in my culture,
I've been a man since my 13th birthday.

So, you're telling us we cannot come in?

Well, with all due respect,
technically the law says you cannot.

What we're saying is you may not.

I guess both are true.
The law says you cannot,

because we say you may not.

All right, all right.
Props on all the can/may bullshit.

- Very good.
- No doubt. Thank you, sir.

Just keep the noise down
to a minimum, okay?

Yes, sir. Of course.

Don't make us come back.
You know what I mean?

- Yeah.
- Of course.

- Good night.
- Good night, officers.

"Technically the law says..."
blah, blah, blah...

Damn Internet.

Everybody's a f*cking attorney.

- f*cking A, Costa.
- Seriously.

Come inside. Just come inside.

Just forget about it.

To the break of dawn, yo!

[All cheering]

[Kid Cudi feat. MGMT & Ratatat
"Pursuit of Happiness [Steve Aoki remix]" playing]

Oh, sh*t!

What the f*ck are you doing?

Thomas, my cousin can replace
the window, no problem.

It's all good, man. I promise.

Where did you get this?
This is my mom's.

It's not a problem.
I'm not going to break it.

Throw it in here nice and low.

Take it! They're pills!

It's Ecstacy, bro!

Oh, sh*t! Give it to me!

Are you serious?
You heard about this on craigslist?

On craigslist, yeah. There was
a thing, a gnome. He's right there.

- Whoa. We are so f*cked.
- Relax, man.

We need to tell Thomas.

T-Rick's so burned out,
he probably forgot about it already.

This is bad.

Mom, Dad,

it's me, Thomas. Um...

I'm drunk. I mean, that's not an excuse.

Hopefully we'll meet again,

so I can explain things.

I mean, I don't really have an explanation
other than f*cking Costa made me do it.

- [Knocking on door]
- f*ck off!

- Dude, it's us!
- I know!

What the f*ck are you doing in here?

The whole party is outside, man.

Have you seen what
my f*cking house looks like?

We'll have the whole day to fix up
this place like new. It's all good.

No, it's not all good, okay?

And what about this?
What if my parents see it?

Nobody is going to
see this sh*t but us. I promise.

Where the f*ck did all
these people even come from?

I mean, you know a guy down there told me
he found out about the party on craigslist?

My dad met my step-mom on craigslist.

So you just put my address
on the f*cking Internet?

- Well, not just the Internet.
- Shut the f*ck up, J.B..

No. Wait.
What the f*ck is he talking about?

Okay. I had Jesse Marco
put out an e-mail blast,

and I may have called a radio station.

You m*therf*ckers!

Hey, you were so nervous about
people not showing up.

Dude, people are spilling
sh*t, breaking sh*t...

I mean, people are probably
stealing sh*t, alright? It's out of control.

And, look, I wasn't nervous. I just wanted
the party to be big enough to be cool.

Dude, look, back in Queens--

And I'm f*cking sick of hearing
about Queens, alright? We get it.

Queens is awesome. We're a bunch
of pussies. I don't f*cking care.

Whatever happens, we can make this right.

I'll fix this whole f*cking house
myself if I have to.

Your parents aren't even
coming home until Sunday.

You just need to relax, man.

- Want a massage, bro?
- No. No.

This is my favorite song, guys.

[R. Kelly - Bump N' Grind playing]

I can't believe, like,
you guys did this to me.

We did this for you.

Look, man. I know you're not a drug guy,

and I respect that about you,
but right now, this is what you need.

- What is it?
- It's Extacy.

It'll put the brakes on your
little freak-out. Just take it.

Alright.

This won't try and, like,
f*ck me up, will it?

Of course it will, dude.
That's the whole point.

Here.

Hey, you get a half of one.

Just give me, like, ten minutes.

No f*cking way, man.

This is your night.

Cut the music!

How's everybody doing?

This is your host, Costa.

I want to bring out
my best friends Thomas and J.B.

Get your asses up here. Come on.

Move your asses!

Come on, J.B., move your fat a*s.

The reason you guys are here tonight
is that it's Thomas Kub's birthday,

and we're going to sing
"Happy Birthday" for him.

One, two, three.

[Crowd singing "Happy Birthday"]]

Thanks, everybody, for coming!
Let's get the music rockin'!

[Lil' Jon feat. LMFAO
"Outta Your Mind" playing]

What's up in this b*tch?

Hey, n*gga, what's up?

You want some of this?

You got something to say?

What the--?

Let me go!

Don't shut that!

Hey, have you seen Thomas?

We're looking for him.

Oh. Well, when you find him,

can you tell him I've got something for him?

- Jump in!
- You're breaking the rules, you know.

Ew.

Why won't you get in with me?

It's just, like, I already
went swimming once,

against my will.

So, Thomas, are you having fun?

- No. Yes.
- Not at all?

- You look pretty f*cked up.
- I'm...I'm...I'm...I'm a little f*cked up.

But you look good.
Have you gotten lucky at all?

I'm pretty lucky right now.

- Slow down, dude.
- Fine.

Give me that.
Are you having fun at this party?

I'm having so much fun.

It's just that it's a small get-together.

It should be basically chill.

Now, look how f*cking chill this is!

It's no big deal. There's two DJs.
That's not a big deal. Right?

- When do your parents get home?
- I don't know.

J.B.! Get your fat a*s up here!

There's a m*dget in the oven! Let's go!

- What?
- What did he say?

I heard m*dget and oven.

- Hey!
- Get the f*ck out of the way!

I'm so sorry! No, no. I'm so sorr--

Oh, my God!

Yo, yo, yo! Hey! Um...

I just heard a rumor that

all of your ba*ls got attacked by a m*dget.

Is it true? Please?

Please just tell me it is.

I'm praying it f*cking is.

Dude! I can't believe I missed it!

Look at your f*cking pupils.

I love you guys.

No, seriously.

Look, I realize that I can be,
like, a huge d*ck sometimes.

I'm really sorry for that.

It's okay.

No, it's not.

J.B., I'm sorry for buying you
a bra on your birthday.

That wasn't cool.

Wasn't cool, man.

And I'm sorry for all the times

I called you, "fat f*ck,"

- "chubby b*tch,"
- Yeah.

- "Fudgy the whale,"
- Okay.

and I'm sorry for that time
at your brother's Bar Mitzvah

when I told everyone that you
looked like Rosie O'Donnell,

- 'cause you don't.
- I don't.

- Hey, guys?
- What?

I hooked up with Kirby.

I'm, like, really into her.

Okay, seriously, Thomas,

that's, you know, cool and all,

but she's kind of always been around.

It's like hooking up with J.B.,

- but her t*ts are smaller.
- Hey...

I'm just saying,

Kirby's, sort of, like, one of us.

You know, tonight's about
the girls we never had a shot at.

Tonight's about ... changing the game.

[Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Heads Will Roll [A-Trak remix] playing]

It's crazy! I haven't seen Tyler in an hour.

We were slightly out of
our league on this mission.

- Cool room.
- Thanks.

It's a bit messy right now.

Yeah, let me, uh...

So, it's your birthday.

Yeah, it's my birthday.

Whoa.

[Small Black - Despicable Dogs
[Washed Out Remix] playing]

Oh, my God!

Kirby...

- f*ck off!
- Kirby...

Thomas! What the f*ck?

as*h*le!

- Would you like a hand with that?
- What?

How long have you been in there?

- f*cking sh*t!
- What are you doing?

Kirby?

Yeah, man!

[The Kills - "Cheap and Cheerful
[SebastiAn Remix]" playing]

Oh, uh, Alexis, are you having a good time?

No. I'm leaving.

[Answering machine]
Hi. You've reached the Kub residence.

Please leave a message.

- Thomas, it's me again. I just got another call.
- Oh f*ck, dude!

I'm sure the neighbors are exaggerating.

- Please call me.
- f*ck.

Holy sh*t!

That's f*cking insane!

Thomas, look at what we did. Epic.

Is this big enough to be cool?

Game-changing.

Oh, sh*t, it's the news.

Dude, that's Thomas!

Are you hearing this?

This is your f*cking party, man!

You're right, dude. I needed this.

f*ck, yeah!

Look at me now, b*tches!
My party's the sh*t!

- Watch this.
- Watch what?

Are you kidding me?

Thomas, you crazy m*therf*cker! I love you!

[All] Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

f*ck that sh*t. I'm not jumping. f*ck that.

To my family members,
and my friends on Facebook,

- What?
- It's been a great ride.

- Costa, hold onto these.
- J.B., don't do it, man.

- You're way too fat.
- Shut up.

Oh, my God!

Aaahhh!

J.B.! You alright, man?

- J.B.! Are you alright?
- Ha ha!

[Crowd cheering]

This is Falcon-1.

I was just attacked ...
by this really sexy woman.

We've lost all control of the situation.
The house was breached hours ago,
I was just attacked ...
by this really sexy woman.

We've lost all control of the situation.
The house was breached hours ago,

chaos has spread to the streets,

and the police are returning in force.
We're clearly outnumbered.

God help us.

[Crowd chanting "Cops go home!"]

[Over loudspeaker]
This is the police.

Disperse peacefully and immediately,
or you will be subject to arrest.

[Police radio]
We need immediate assistance.

Drive! Drive! Drive!

[Police radio]
Requesting backup, all units.

[Jay-Z & Kanye West - H.A.M. playing]

Holy sh*t!

** on purpose.

[Reporter]
Chaos has broken out in the Southland,

where this normally quiet residential
street has turned into anarchy.

I'm being joined right now by
Captain Reeseman of the Police Department.

We're going to have to
let this thing burn out,

before we even think about moving back in.

Yeah!

- sh*t! That's my dad's car!
- Oh, sh*t, dude.

Holy sh*t!

Are you okay, man?

- What are you doing?
- What?

f*ck your car.

m*therf*ckers!

Oh, my God. Thomas,

Thomas, we're f*cked.
I don't know how to fix this.

I don't know how to fix any of this sh*t.

I'm sorry, Thomas.

I just wanted to get some p*ssy.

Oh, my God!

Something is just happening right now.
I've heard a commotion.

Holy sh*t!

What the f*ck is that?

Keep back!

Run! Get the f*ck out of here!

Jesus Christ, dude!
Get down!

[Police radio]
Subject is armed and active.

Police are on-scene in riot gear.

SWAT officers are rushing forward.

Oh, sh*t, dude! It's T-Rick!

- What the f*ck is he doing?
- COSTA!!!!!

Give me back my f*cking gnome!

Just give it back to him!
Where the f*ck is it?

It was full of Extacy!
Everyone ate it!

m*therf*cking Costa!

[Police radio]
Subject is advancing.

Police in the area:
Approach with extreme caution.

[Reporter]
Police are now firing rubber b*ll*ts.

[Police radio]
Suspect is firing at officers.

- f*ck this.
- Where the f*ck are you going, dude?

Get back! No, Thomas! No!

Look, T-Rick, we can fix this. Okay, man?

f*ck you! You burned me,

I burned you!

Costa, you m*therf*cker!

- Go! Go! Go!
- sh*t!

Get the f*ck out of here! Go!

[Police radio]
Subject is still active and on the move.

Oh, sh*t!

This is the police.

Disperse immediately.

Thomas, we've got to
get the f*ck out of here!

- No, man! I can't leave my house!
- The house is gone, man!

- It's f*cking over!
- Where's Milo?

Here! Here!

J.B., what the f*ck are you doing?

The dog isn't going to be in that drawer!

Here he is! I've got him!

- m*therf*ckers!
- Come on! Let's go! Move!

[Reporter]
It's complete chaos out here.

Police are using flash-bang grenades
to try and disperse this crowd.

[Loudspeaker]
This is the police.

Disperse immediately.

If you do not disperse immediately,
you will be subject to arrest.

Disperse immediately.

[Reporter]
Police are now mobilizing,

and fire helicopters
have been brought in.

They're dropping water,
trying to put this blaze out.

[Police radio]
Officers need assistance.

Holy sh*t!

Tyler! I need you! Pull it together!

Holy sh*t!

[Police radio]
Civilians 50 yards ahead on Dickens.

Officers, engage with riot.

What the f*ck is going on here?

Milo!

Dude! Milo!

Where are you, buddy?

You owe me a f*cking tree,
you piece of sh*t!

All I know is, I had a good time,
you c*ck-sucking m*therf*cker!

You know where you're going?
You're going to jail, you m*therf*cker!

Yeah! That's my boys!

Suck my d*ck, Robert!
Suck my f*cking d*ck!

Oh, sh*t!

[Police radio]
We've got a hit-and-run.

Go! Go! Go! Go! Drive!

[Police radio]
Be advised. Officer down. Officer down.

We need about an hour
to make sure he's asleep.

We'll definitely make our move.

We'll go in through the back,
break Rob's door down,

- and torch the house.
- Yeah.

What the f*ck are you talking about?

The guy has a wife and a baby.
You're not going to burn his house down.

He called the cops on us.
He ruined everything.

It's six in the morning.
Let it go. It's over.

Just go home.

What about our money?

The house is trashed.
You're the worst security ever.

Yeah, you guys should go home, too.

You gonna be okay, man?

Yeah. I'm just going to
hang here with Milo for a bit.

Alright.

I'm gonna go home,

have a good cry,
and start calling some lawyers.

Thomas, whatever happens, man,

that was one f*cking hell of a night.

Come on, J.B., let's bounce.

You can go, too, Dax.

Thanks, Thomas.

I had a really fun time.

You'll be alright.

[The xx - "Intro" playing]

[KROQ-FM] Hey, it's Kevin & Bean,
from the world-famous KROQ.

Can we please talk about
this insanity in Pasadena last night?

It looked like the greatest
party I have ever seen.

[KWPR Power 106] Big Boy's neighborhood.
Beautiful day in the neighborhood.

It is going down. I don't know if
you guys been seeing the news, man,

but some cats had a party in Pasadena,

and took this thing
to the whole next level.

I'm talking 'bout,
they trashed the neighborhood,

they trashed the house,

We heard that Kanye
made an appearance.

- What?

Yeah. So, if you were there
at the party in Pasadena last night,

hit us up, 'cause we're gonna
be talking about it

all morning long in the neighborhood.

- I really am sorry.
- You said that already.

Do you have any idea how much
all this is going to cost, Thomas?

Your college fund is gone,
I can tell you that.

- Dad, I'm sorry.
- You had so much going for you,

and you just pissed it
all away for one night?

I just didn't think you had it in you.

I know. I'm sorry I let you down.

No,

I literallly

didn't think that you had

this ... in you.

So, uh,

how many people were here?

Um ...



A couple thousand, maybe?

Wow.

You should've seen it.

It was awesome.

Yeah, well, you're still f*cked, Thomas.

[Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Dogg
"The Next Episode" playing]

Well, at least the van looks gangsta now.

Dude, don't even start, okay?
My dad is making me drive it as punishment.

That sucks.

Yeah, and I'm being brought up on,
like, six different charges.

My mom hasn't stopped crying.

We're living at a Courtyard
Marriott right now.

I'm basically on house
arrest until my hearing,

and I'm definitely not supposed
to be talking to you guys.

My parents are convinced this is totally
going to be f*cking up my college plans.

Your grades are f*cking
up your college plans.

My dad got me a lawyer.

Even that Jew thinks we're f*cked.

- He thinks we could actually do time for this.
- Jesus.

Well, what about you, Dax?
What did your parents say?

Um, I live alone, actually.

You're really starting to f*cking scare me.

Yo! What up, Kub?

Yo, what's going on, man?

- Hey, Costa.
- Hi, Thomas.

Yo, you guys, Thomas,
that party was dope.

Thank you, man.
You guys rock!

[Crowd chanting "Thomas"]

Kirby, wait!

Kirby.

Hey.

Hey, look, I just wanted to talk to you.

- There's really nothing to talk about, Thomas.
- No, please, can I explain?

It's not that complicated.

What you did

was really ... not cool.

It really hurt me.

Kirby, I'm really sorry about what happened.

I didn't know how to handle it,

but I think I do now,
and that's why I'm here.

My life right now is totally ruined.

Okay? I practically burned
down my whole neighborhood.

I probably bankrupted my parents.
I'll be in debt 'til I die, but

the only thing I care about
fixing right now is this.

So, I'm sorry.

You're still mad. I get it,

but,

if you are talking to me by my next birthday,

I'd really like to spend it with just you.

So, we're cool again?

I never said you were cool.

[Jimmy Kimmel Live!]

So, you know this high-school party
in Pasadena that turned into a riot, right?

The kid actuallly burned
his parents' house down.

Can you imagine how many
chores it's going to take

to make up for...

He'll be taking the trash out nine
times a day for the rest of his life.

[Reporter]
The person who caused the early-morning fire

and expl*si*n here has survived his injuries.

[T-Rick]
Costa!!!!!!

You move to place like Pasadena
to avoid stuff like this.

Some as*h*le puked all over my door.

Do these kids even have parents?

It's ridiculous, right?

Have you seen the footage?

Let me tell you, I haven't
seen that many teenage boobs

since R. Kelly's birthday party.

[Jillian Reynolds - Good Day L.A.]
Joining us now, live, is one Pasadena teen

who has recently drawn a lot of notice

for throwing what people are calling,

possibly, the most epic
high-school party of all time.

Costa, before we begin,

is there anything that you
would like to say to the viewers?

In fact, I would.
You said it was "perhaps"

the most epic party of all time?

It was the most epic party of all time.

Okay... I was thinking
more along the lines of an apology.

- Would you like to apologize?
- I've got a better idea.

How about I invite you to my next party?

- What?
- Yeah, you heard me, sugar-t*ts.

Just make sure you wear something tight.