02x08 - Un-Funny Business

[bunniefuu]

Previously
on "House of Villains..."

Don't get loud at me because
I'm twice as loud as you.

I'll match your energy twice,
like, trust me.

- I'm not trying to.
- Why are you crying?

Because it hurts me.

Why are you crying?
You just--

Babe, I'm exhausted.
Like, I haven't slept good.

Fine, then we don't have to cry.

I'm going to start crying, too.
[fake sobbing]

I think she knows
how to play certain people

and I think
she's very strategic.

I want Victoria gone.

I just hope for y'all's sake

I do not become
Supervillain of the Week

because I have some big ol'
plans for a few of you b*tches.

Wes, just so you know,
you number one on there.

Rip it open. Oh!

Kandy is Supervillain,
everybody!

I have got to leverage myself
out of Kandy's sights,

so I have prepared
a little fake advantage.

Wes was number one
on my----ing list,

but what is the point
of putting him up there

if he has this advantage that
he can take my powers away?

The b*tches I had my loyalty to,
they're gone.

So tonight, it's anyone's game
to be up on the hit list.

Safaree, you are on my hit list.
You are number one.

When I come back in the house,
your a*s is grass.

The next person
on my hit list, Victoria.

You forgot queen.

Who is your final
hit list nomination?

It's Larsa.

You guys are going to starve
to death

if I go home because
I'm the only mother----er

that cooks here, so.

- Who's talking to you?
- Oh.

Why are you wearing lingerie?
You can't afford a dress?

- I can.
- Okay. Can't tell.

Can you not afford clothing?

Because you never dress nice.

I'm so sick of fighting
to be in this house.

Then Larsa is a b*tch to me,
as she always is.

She insulted my home,
my clothing

and she's just like
a tacky old lady.

Well, another day,
another hit list.

Very intense.

Well, do you
know what this means?

I really have to win
the challenge tomorrow

and I can't
believe you put me up.

It's really nothing personal.

I didn't want to be on the list.

I don't want
to be out of character

yelling and fighting
with Victoria.

So, I know the next two days is

going to be pure
chaos in this house.

Am I a pawn to get Vicky out
or is it beef?

What do you think, Safaree?

Look, he's going
out there as a pawn,

and Larsa, she got upset.

Girl, it is what it is.

You're going to
fight it out with Victoria.

Bottom line, cut and dry.

I'm the supervillain
of the week,

so I'm going to do
what's best for my game.

My third eye open!

His third eye is his p*nis.

Victoria.

- Hi.
- Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good, but, like,
she says I hit below the belt.

She hits below the belt.

What the [bleep] is
her problem all the time?

You have a home to go to.

Yeah, what did she say?

I can't afford clothes,
so I'm wearing this?

Like, what the [bleep]
does she wear every day?

- ing trashy clothes.

That's a beautiful dress.

I'm so tired
of being attacked all the time.

Like, what's her----ing
problem with me?

If I'm up against Larsa,

Wes and Jessie better give me
their----ing votes.

Like, if they're more loyal
to her, that will piss me off.

But hopefully you
would have my back

because I voted for you.

She put you up.

I'm going to speak
as a whole in this house.

As a h*? As a whole?

Both.

I feel like
everybody's been a little bit,

and excuse me if I'm wrong,

because I don't think I am,
too hard on Victoria.

- And that's all of us.
- Not me.

[sipping loudly]

- She comes at me.
- That poor girl.

She tries her best.

You know that you're
living in bizarro land

when New York is the voice
of reason and compassion.

[bleep] you, Richard!

Luis, Luis, Luis!
- ing with Teresa!

Oh, shut up!

My d*ck is so far into you

that the ba*ls
are up there, too.

Yes, Victoria is annoying.
Yes, Victoria is loud.

Yes, Victoria
has so many demands.

Yes, she's overly opinionated,

but this house definitely
tends to kick a girl

while she's down.

We don't want her to feel
ostracized

in this house, though.

It is very hard
to be in a game like this

where a majority,
if not almost everybody,

is kind of going at you.

But we can all,

you know, give her
just a little bit more grace.

First of all,
she's so funny,

talking about everything
about me that's personal,

and all I say is,
you're wearing lingerie here.

Why are you wearing lingerie?
You can't afford a dress?

I don't talk to people like you.

- Go home.
- At least I have a home

to go to, my love.

She's wearing
a spandex pantsuit,

but says my dress is ugly.

Do you look in the mirror?

Like, b*tch, get a life.

Kandy, that was good.

Like, we weren't
there for too long.

That was easy, quick, done.

Yes.

I don't dislike you.

No, I didn't take it personally.

I did a gamer's move.

It's fine, like, I'm not
gonna stress, it's a game.

But I literally just
told everybody in here

that they're being way
too incredibly hard on you.

- Thank you.
- I don't like it.

Yeah, I don't want
my clothes attacked,

- my whole life attacked.
- Oh, shut your face!

I was talking to Kandy.

Why were you talking over me?

- Okay, thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Great talk, guys.
- Great.

I feel like
Larsa is the one

that's stooping to immaturity

by attacking Victoria
all the time.

Larsa's a mom.

She should
definitely know better.

Like, know your place.

I don't talk when
someone else is speaking.

You learned that in first grade.

Her voice is so annoying.
I can't even be down here.

Great job not
trying to pick a fight,

- because you did.
- I didn't. You started it.

Larsa's the moth
to the flame for drama,

and everyone can see.

I do trust my alliances

and I know they'll have
my back against Larsa.

She pokes the bear every time

and then retreats
and plays victim

and I hate people like her.

Larsa, it's clear
you guys don't get along.

Victoria has literally fought
with everyone in the house,

so now it's my turn to have
to fight for my position.

I'm the kind of person
that'll do anything to win.

We could be eating rats,
for all I know.

Game on.

I'm so mad.

I'm on the hit list,
but she's the one upset.

I'm upset!

Wait, can--
Oh, I can't have you unzip me.

- No, no.
- I could.

Here, you can
unzip me a little bit.

Thank you.

- Like that?
- Yeah, that's good, thank you.

All right.

I ain't gonna lie,
I'm a menace in this house.

How you feeling?

Okay.

Oh, my God, so I wonder what
the challenge is gonna be today.

I know. I hope I win.

I need to, like, not respond
when Larsa attacks me.

Like, it's so unnecessary.

Her a*s needs to go home.

Victoria.

Yeah?

We want to wish you
the best of luck.

- Thank you.
- Everyone in this room

is hoping that you win today.

I know, I really hope so.

No, we're voting Larsa.

Don't worry, it won't matter.

I'm gonna win anyway.

That's right.

These walls are closing in,
man, I'm telling you.

What's going on?

- What's up?
- How's it going?

- You smell good.
- Thank you.

This is a nice way
to spend a Sunday morning.

What's that?

- Oh, love?
- Mm.

I give a lot of love.

Me too.

What's this ring symbolize?

Oh. It kind of hurt
my heart to hear that.

Really? Why?

I don't know.

Eh.

What?

I'll always be here.

I'll be waiting
in the wings, so.

- [bell tolling]
- Good morning, villains.

Uh-oh.

It's almost time for
your next redemption challenge.

#TBT.

What do you think
the challenge is going to be

because it says TBT?

I don't know.

That's cute.

I thank you for my body,
[indistinct]

Thank you, Jesus.

I think I'm ready.

Yeah, yeah, you look good.

I woke up feeling
ready for today,

prepared to win, of course,

and help Victoria pack her bags.

Villains!

It is time to go.

Guys, I don't want to be
in a car with Larsa.

Wow, we're actually
outside with civilization.

I just realized.

Oh, my God.

It's a comedy place.

House of Villains, Cap It Off.
Uh-oh.

We arrived. Hey.

I feel like I'm really funny.

Hollywood!

Yo, I remember
this Cap It Off challenge

from season one.

Probably the only time
in history

Corinne has
given a dude blue ba*ls.

When he says, blow me,
but she a classy hoe.

Michelle Obama
gets her groove back.

Now, that's funny.

You know I'm one
of the funniest,

sexiest chocolate men alive,

so I'm gonna
k*ll this challenge.

Oh, guys, I'm nervous.

Oh, come on, comedy club.

This place is so cute.

I'm ready to laugh.
I love laughing.

- Cheers, you guys.
- Cheers.

- Good luck.
- Ladies and gentlemen,

your headliner, Joel McHale.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.
Look at this.

It's so great
to be fake-performing for you

at this comedy club
in the middle of the day.

- [comedic drum beat]
- Oh, [bleep] you windows.

This challenge, if you
haven't already figured it out,

is all about comedy.

And I'm not just
talking about the chuckles

that you get from lying
and cheating

and assaulting each other.

No, you reality TV villains
also make us laugh

with your witty one-liners,

like Teresa's legendary retort,
prostitution wh*re.

Today, we will put those
villainous quips to the test.

You three will be
competing today

in our favorite challenge
from season one, Cap It Off.

Here's the rules.

Each round,
I will show you a photo

of a moment from this very show.

You will take a look
at these precious snapshots

and then write
the funniest captions you can.

You get one point
for every vote you receive.

The villain who scores the most
points wins the challenge.

- Are we ready?
- Yes!

Here we go.
Here's your first photo.

I thought
the bathrooms were private.

[canned laughter]

Let's write those captions, everybody.

I thought there
weren't cameras in there.

- What the hell?
- Y'all thought wrong.

Here is your first caption.

[quirky bass line]

[coughing]

Okay.

Please place the number
of your favorite joke

on the table in front of you.

Here's what I'll say.

They were all bad.

All right. Two and one tie.

So that's two points Larsa,
two points Safaree,

and one point Victoria.

Next round.

- Hello.
- Whoa.

Oh, Lord.

How do you write them
with those nails, Larsa?

I can type better, actually,
with nails than without.

- Are you locked in?
- Yep.

Here are the captions.

Is that some sort of slang

- I haven't learned yet?
- Mm-mm.

That sh-- wasn't funny.

Horrible. Joke's not funny.

All right, here we go.
Place your numbers.

Caption number three is Larsa.

Victoria, so you said
the mermaid thing.

I don't feel
so funny today, but...

Okay. Here's your next photo.

[chuckles]

Some of these jokes
are really, really lame.

It's making me
feel uncomfortable.

This game is not working.

Next photo.

[bleep] you,
whoever said that joke.

All right. Next photo.

Wow, girl. I'm listening.

This is not a good time anymore.

I want to call
the authorities.

[owl hooting]

Okay.

Who do you blame here?

These contestants
because they're not funny? No.

Do you blame production

because this is
an ill-conceived game? No.

I blame casting for
not bringing funny enough people

onto a comedy show.

Caption number three.

"Are you drunk again?
I'm calling from the daycare.

- Come get yo kids."
- Oh, gosh.

All right, grab your number.

Number two all the way.

- Victoria.
- Yay.

Should I do comedy?

All five points to Victoria.

That makes the score
going into the final round

anyone's game.

Here is your last photo.

Oh.

Write the captions, guys.

Here we go.

First caption.

That one's true, right?

- That is.
- Caption number two.

- Pretty good.
- That's a good one.

And number three, quote...

[chuckling]

Everybody get your votes ready.

In three, two, one.

- Place your numbers.
- There you go.

It's unanimous, everybody.

Whoever wrote number two
is off the hit list.

Here we go.

It's unanimous, everybody.

Whoever wrote number two
is off the hit list.

Here we go.

Safaree, congratulations.

- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
- You are off the hit list.

- You have been removed.
- Yes! I don't gotta pack!

The house has spoken.
I'm funny.

I'm hot.
And right now, I'm unstoppable.

Sorry, Victoria and Larsa.

You bombed and will be up
for banishment tomorrow.

I'm upset that I didn't win,

but I'm staying in this house

because all I need
is three votes

and Larsa's a*s is grass

and going back
to wherever she came from

because I know it ain't Bel Air.

Good job.

I'm in a situation

where I've got to go
against Victoria

who is the cry baby
of the house.

I've got to go
talk to everyone in the house

to kind of win everyone
back over and grab Teresa.

Once you're a housewife,

you are a housewife
until the very end.

Let's go back
to the house, everybody.

- Okay!
- Let's go.

Bye, winners and losers.

Everyone, watch your toesies.

I was stressing.
Oh, my goodness.

Kandy, I want to kick your a*s.

Why?

It's, like,
hard for me, you know?

Oh, it's your two girls.

Are my glasses really dirty?

- They're so dirty.
- Probably.

It's like your housewife's
girly versus your roommate.

It's just going to be hard.

I just have
to talk to both of them.

Everyone's asking me
who I'm going to vote for.

It's like,
I feel like so torn apart.

This is going to be
a really hard decision for me.

Yeah, this sucks, Teresa.

You're going to have to vote out
one of your friends.

And you can be
the deciding vote.

That's why I'm voting

in whichever direction
she votes.

And so, when either of them
come up to me

over the course of the next
however long it takes,

I'm going to tell them
to talk to T.

- No, no, no.
- I like that.

Yeah.

No, you guys have to do
what you want to do.

I'm powerless, voiceless.

That's sexy for a man to say.

[Wes laughing]

Home sweet home.

[New York laughing]

Guys, I'm going to cook for us.

Where's Vicky?

Cooking popcorn.

Yay!

Thank you.
I'm so happy. Thank you.

I'm sorry you didn't win.

- Aw.
- I tried to help.

Coming in at 6'8",
with the pecs of steel

bigger and harder
than a concrete wall.

If you feel it in your hand
it'll break from the hardness,

it is Mr. PEC-Tacular!

You guys, I'm fine, right?

I already told you,
I'm voting with Teresa.

Will you stop before
I start throwing M&M's at you?

Who are you voting for?
Me or homegirl?

Talk to Teresa.

- [fly buzzing]
- Oh, there's a fly in here.

Jessie, do you feel
like I'm good?

I'd want to
vote for you to stay.

You'd want to
or you are going to?

- I'd want to.
- So, are you going to?

I'd want to.

What does that mean?

Are you guys all turning on me?

Are you a big car enthusiast?

Actually, you would think I am,
but no, I'm not.

You're not? Oh, wow.

You don't look like you drive.

I can't see you
ever driving a car.

How the [bleep]
would you know that?

And my fiancé was like,

"No, you don't need
to be on the road, sweetheart."

Not to say I couldn't.

Yeah, you--
If I ever saw a car

and saw you
in the driver's seat,

I would burst out laughing.

Would you get nervous?

I would make sure
I'm off the exit before you.

I hate you
for saying that, though.

Larsa came in
and got supervillain.

She had a very easy path.

Like, I've been
fighting to stay.

I mean, you have
been definitely doing that.

You are a strong competitor.
You're not, like--

- I mean, today wasn't--
- I'm giving it my all.

Yeah, today wasn't
my strong suit,

but we can't
all be hot and funny.

Victoria's an underdog

that people
can sink their teeth into.

That's tough,
because on the one hand,

it behooves me
to stay on her good side

and not cross her.

But on the other hand,

the longer she stays
in this house,

the more of a threat
she is to my game.

I really hope the house
sees that I'll do whatever

to support your guys' game
going forward.

You need to have
conversations with the boys,

- and then, you know--
- Teresa.

- Teresa, Safaree, New York.
- Do you not think

- Safaree will vote for you?
- Teresa gave me her word.

- Who would New York vote for?
- New York will vote.

She said she'll vote with me,

but she wants
to talk with the house.

But I think I have you,
Wes, New York, and Teresa.

All the person needs to not
be banished is three votes.

I want to make it
through this banishment,

and I'll be, like,
forever grateful

and, like,
help your guys' game

however I can contribute.

[Victoria sighing]

I have to do it straight today.

Oh, you do? Okay.

It's so cold.

It is a straight-up
windstorm right now.

This could fit you.

- [laughing]
- Add some flair to your drip.

[Safaree yawning]

Slept great knowing

that I won't be on
the hit list tonight.

Vicky and Larsa are both up.

Oh, it's gonna be a great day.

I ain't gonna lie. This would
look good on you, too.

A red leather outfit.

Oh, my gosh.
Now the umbrella is down.

Oh, my gosh.

It's crazy windy.

See how it feels.

- Oh, I could do this.
- Okay. I'll come.

New York said
she would vote for me

because I did not use
the little c*ck on her

and, like, that really went
a long way with her.

Thank God.

New York
and I just have such, like,

a blossoming friendship
and hopefully it will continue.

Is your number strong?

- That's what I wanna know.
- I think so.

I have you, Wes, Jessie, Teresa.

Safaree's gonna vote to keep
Larsa here. He love her.

- I know.
- He up her a*s.

Where you at with Wes?
You real good with Wes?

- Yeah, he's gonna keep me.
- I'll talk to him.

But, see, he with Teresa.

- Yeah.
- So, if Teresa 100% vote you,

Larsa might be going
- ing home.

I think she's going home.

Victoria and I have
come a very long way.

We both have a certain bond,
so I'm gonna make good

on my word and vote to keep her.

I'm gonna make me a cup
of coffee and then come up.

I didn't even
shut the damn----ing door.

- It's so windy.
- It just shut itself.

- Oh.
- Girl, you do your own hair,

- good.
- I mean--

You get to have a nice closet.

If I don't go home,
I'm moving in here.

Anyone that watches Bravo knows
a little bit of betrayal

is not really the end
of a friendship.

Yes, I used Teresa
as a pawn,

but she's still in the house,
so it was just a play.

I just need to remind
Teresa that in this game,

it's housewives
till the end.

- Let me see your bathroom.
- Yeah, my bathroom's nice.

Oh, yeah, I definitely
want to come in here.

And then I would get this bed.

It would be so much fun.

And then we have
the boys across from us.

So how loyal are you to me?

I mean, I'm as loyal as I get.

- Promise?
- Yes.

Yes. Yes.

I really hope Teresa,
like, votes for me to stay.

Well, didn't she give
you her word?

- Yeah.
- If she gave you her word,

you're golden.

She's not gonna
lie to your face.

Yeah, I think Mother Teresa's
gonna go out the window.

I don't have
any bad feelings towards anyone,

so I feel bad.
I don't want anyone to leave.

but I gotta be true to myself.

So, Mother Teresa
has left the building.

Teresa Giudice is here to stay.

[angelic music]

♪ I will always

♪ Remember

♪ What you gave us

♪ Forever

♪ When the others
would stumble and fall ♪

♪ You were always
with us standing tall ♪

♪ I will always

♪ Remember, yeah

Oh, my God.

You sound a little hoarse.

My heart's pounding
right now, Teresa.

- I brought you a glass of milk.
- I don't drink milk.

- Oh.
- I do now?

- Yeah. [laughs]
- Okay.

♪ When the others
would stumble and fall ♪

♪ You were always
with us standing tall ♪

♪ I will always

♪ Remember

That's good. [laughs]

Okay, cool.

Is that soy milk?

♪ Yeah

Remember the one
that flipped the table?

Well, now I'm gonna
flip the script.

You capisce?

That villain inside of me
is gonna come out.

We're good?

I'm obviously, like, heavily
leaning towards saving you.

I don't really see
a reason why I wouldn't.

Yeah, right now,
like, I feel safe.

Okay.

I've been working my tail off

to protect Victoria
this entire time,

but she rubs everybody
the wrong way.

She is a walking liability.

No, let me----ing talk.

'Cause now you've pissed me off.
Shut up.

No, shut the [bleep] up,
Safaree. Let me speak.

You're disgusting.

I know I am!
That's why I'm here!

On the other hand, Larsa
has become a valuable asset

ever since
I became the third housewife.

And that's a relationship
that I'd like

to continue to grow.

And also, let's keep
our conversation to us, right?

- That's what we do?
- I do.

You know what? I was thinking
to this banishment.

You want to bring the fire?

----, no?

What do I wear?
Do I need to wear pants?

Because I might
be, like, getting--

I have to get in that chair.

I think you should look
your best just in case

- it's your last night.
- [gasps]

- [laughs]
- How dare you say that to me?

Wow, so how you feeling today?

Who do you want to go home?

I see it both ways.

Both women have
provided me value.

I know.

And so I just like
to have business meetings

with my partners.

No, I appreciate it
very, very much.

So, do you and I still
have something going on?

- I hope so.
- Yes. Yes.

The fact that we built
an entire game plan

with one look that took
three seconds and no words?

No words at all.

It's hilarious.

Are your alliances as strong
as you think they are, Wes?

- It's a tough one.
- Jessie's home.

So...

Just the two
I wanted to talk to.

Hey, Jessie!
Oh, my goodness.

Have a seat.

- What's on your mind?
- What are you talking about?

What do you think?

How are you gonna vote?

How are you guys gonna vote?

I've personally
been going back and forth.

Yeah? I mean,
am I wrong to assume

you're keeping Victoria?

I think you are wrong
to assume that.

I don't trust Wes.

By Victoria staying inside
this house, Wes is stronger.

So it would behoove me
to trim one of the petals

off him being this bright
and shiny flower.

When you look at how much power
we have, everyone is irrelevant

- to this room.
- Oh, my gosh, you guys.

We're all going for the g*n.
Who's gonna get it first?

Good evening, villains.

It's time to get ready for
your next banishment ceremony.

Larsa and Victoria,

I guess you weren't
that funny, honeys.

But tonight, we shall
see which one of you

gets the last laugh.

- That was shady.
- Oh!

Girl, little voice
has been shady today, huh?

Shady as hell.

Oh.

Popping tags.

I'm just tired of looking
at Wes with his lack of fashion.

Listen, my number-one priority
in this house

is you dressing like me tonight.

There's nothing
more important than that, so.

I'm getting bucko.
I got you.

It's time.
I want to see Wes fly.

Ha-ha!

I hear the leather pants
going on.

That's what you got to get.

Welcome to stunt g*ng, my G.

You're gonna be shining
like a light bulb

in that stronghold.

Boom.
Let's go.

Put these on yourself.

Oh, my-- Yo, bro.

You have never looked
this good in your life.

I am feeling mighty fine
in my new look, my new swagger.

These pants
will probably fit you.

- Oh, you're wearing his sh--.
- Oh, this is great.

Wow.

These are jeans you're
actually supposed to wear.

- Yeah, here in a second.
- Oh, my God.

[laughing]

You already look like me.

They fit perfectly.

Dude, it looks
like you're ready to get

in your Subaru Outback
and go up into the mountains.

- Yes.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah, you're definitely
getting in your Ford F-150.

Oh, my God.
Look at these-- Wow.

Wes, that fits you.
You look good.

- I told him.
- It does.

It looks really good
on him, yeah.

I'm trying to channel
my inner Wes.

New York, did you see Wes?

Why are you going fishing,
and why are you going pimping?

What's going on?
Like, this is your new life?

The Black Forrest Gump?

Yes, that's
what he looks like!

- Seriously.
- The Black--

That's exactly
what he looks like.

Life is like
a box of chocolates.

Cheers.

To making memories.

Going into this banishment,
I am super stressed out

because I can't
lose to a Bachelor reject.

That's not happening.

- Cin-cin.
- Cheers.

I feel very confident
because I definitely think

I have the votes,
and I'm really so grateful

for this setup because now I can
knock Larsa out of the house

and say goodbye to Larsa.

- Okay, villains.
- Oh!

It's time to head
through the bookcase.

- Let's go.
- Oh, my God! Wait, again?

I have my heels on, y'all.

It's too much.
I can't take it.

I'm super nervous because
those----ers better be voting

for Victoria to go home.

Oh, look. Y'all gonna
let that man go up front.

- You know he walking so slow.
- Is it in the coat?

Welcome. Welcome.

Welcome. Oh, yeah.

Nice.
Hi. Hi.

Hi, everybody.
Hi.

You look great.
All right.

Villains, welcome
to an old Power Rangers set.

I mean,
your fourth banishment ceremony.

Kandy, how do you feel?

Coming into banishment
is always bittersweet

because someone has to go home.

But someone has
to go home in order for me

to win this competition,
so let's do this.

Darius Rucker and
Conor McGregor's lesser cousin.

- [laughs]
- What was the inspiration?

This is all Wes' clothes.

The hat, the shirt, the jeans.

I look like a Black
Forrest Gump, don't I?

No.

Oh, all right.
Well, when you do it like that,

that's a pretty good impression.

All right, here we go.

Victoria and Larsa,
you are up for banishment.

Tonight,
one of you will lose out

on the chance to win $200,000.

So please, go stand
in front of your chairs.

It's time for you
to make your final pleas.

Victoria, why should they banish
Larsa instead of you?

I've had a very toomuchulous
journey to this point.

I want to stay in this house.

I want to keep playing.

I don't want to speak
for Larsa,

as we're not on the best
speaking terms,

but I believe
we both want to win.

I know, but you're a sore loser.
I'm not.

- There's a difference.
- Okay.

Send me a postcard.

I sure won't.

This is why "Traitors"
is so popular.

Jeez Louise.

Larsa, why should they vote
Victoria off instead of you?

I feel like you guys have
gotten to know the real me

and my integrity
and what I bring

to each and every one of you.

I feel like
I've been a team player.

I've never promised anything
that I couldn't deliver,

- and I'm a bad b*tch.
- There we go.

All right, it's time to vote.

Jessie, you're up first.

So, while you guys are voting,
I am going to ask

Larsa and Victoria
to please take a seat.

This chair flips right back to
the Bachelor mansion, Victoria.

- Okay.
- [beeps]

If Larsa gets it, I got
some trust and control there.

Here, no.

It's a wrecking ball
spiraling out of control,

and I don't trust it.

I know you like younger men,

so I'd like to introduce you
to one of my sons.

Okay.

This vote is so easy for me.

Goodbye, sweetheart.

How do you feel?

I would love an Aperol Spritz.

Okay.

[beeping]

I don't fully trust Larsa
because, I mean,

she did put me on the hit list,

but Victoria told New York
what I said about her,

causing problems for me in
this house, which I don't need.

I'm torn right now,
but I'm learning

how to be strategic.

Ah! So housewives, beware.
No. [laughs]

Okay. The votes are in.

The fourth villain
to be banished

from the house...

in a vote of 4-1...

Victoria.

Y'all are some good liars.

My loyalty lies to who I knew
first, which is Larsa.

I don't cross the Bravo family.

May I say something?

I can't stop you, New York.

I'm a woman of my word.

Thank you.

And you competed brilliantly.

Thank you for not
lying to my face.

I didn't lie to your face.

I knew Larsa before you.

Good. I'm glad
to see where your loyalty lies,

Teresa,
even when I had your back.

I'm glad that I meant nothing.
Thank you.

Sorry. I'm a loyal person.

- I knew her before.
- I also knew her before,

and I still
voted for you.

- Well, because you guys--
- Keep being stupid.

- [laughs]
- Like, I'm so done with Teresa.

Larsa put you on the hit list.
Okay, you idiot.

You don't even know
what loyalty means.

You probably can't even
spell it, you're so dumb.

I am a sore loser.
[bleep] all of you.

Oh, my God.
I look hideous.

Larsa never did
anything malicious to me.

I never did anything
malicious to you, Teresa.

I know that.

- Wow, you guys vote me out--
- [clapping]

Enough!

Victoria, you walked into
this competition as a queen.

Unfortunately for you tonight,

the only queen you are serving
is Queen Elizabeth.

That is dead.

I only have one thing
to say to you.

Sashay away.

- [buzzer]
- Adios. Bye.

Bye, b*tch. Bye.

You did what you needed to do.

Get me out of the straitjacket.

I was honest.
I was vulnerable.

I got sh-- on nonstop

and, like, continued
to persevere through.

At least, I'm leaving
with my head held high

and not a lying piece
of sh--.

I'm gonna----ing have
acai and green juice,

and you losers are stuck here

with all this disgusting
French toast

that Larsa and Teresa make.

b*tch, who eats French toast?
That's disgusting.

Okay, villains,
before I send you back

to the house, I want
to do one little exercise

- that I'd like to try.
- Uh-huh.

Oh, hell no.

Okay, so Kandy, you can get out
of the supervillain chair.

Jessie, will you unstrap Larsa?

Um, what the [bleep]
is happening right now?

I have absolutely
no idea what the hell

Joel could be up to right now,

but whatever it is,
it's not good.

It's way too tense in here.

Okay, villains,
before I send you back

to the house, I want to do one
little exercise.

- Uh-huh.
- Oh, hell no.

You've all been living
together for a few weeks now,

so please
rank yourselves in order

from most villainous
to least villainous.

Okay.

[scream]

Get to it, in order,
you guys figure it out.

- Okay, let's go that side.
- Okay.

I think I'm close to the top.

So, what do you guys think?

I've been playing
the game since the very start.

You guys can talk it all out,
however you want.

I feel like
I'm not as villainous,

because I always keep it real
and I tell you to your face.

I don't play games.
I'm not trying to backstab you.

I'll stab you to your eyeballs.

Sure, Larsa.

[laughs]

No, like this.

You are not the least.

You're more villainous than me.

You were fighting with Victoria.

But that doesn't
make me villainous.

- Yes.
- I've been playing it

since the very start.

Pull the F you lever.

I told her in her face.

Villainous means
you do it behind someone's back.

I mean, we're
here to be villains.

You're banjie,
you've been loud

and proud about everything.

I feel like you should
be up there, Kandy,

because I feel like you said you
wouldn't choose me and you did.

So I feel like you're up there.
You're shady as hell.

I'm very shady.

I'm honest with what I say.

So, are you okay
with second villainous, Kandy?

Yeah. Sh--, I would
take number one if I could.

So why don't you?

She's not gonna take my spot.

- Why don'y you shut up, Jessie?
- I think you should.

- Before I scare you.
- I think you should.

I think I am number one villain

- in the house.
- But you're not.

But you won't take this spot.

- Kandy, I think you are.
- Oh, please, Jessie.

Just because you got
Willy Wonka's jacket on, b*tch.

- [laughs]
- Don't play with me.

I set the tone right away
in the first challenge.

Everybody was so chummy
and happy to see one another.

And I pulled that immunity lever

and I didn't think
twice about it.

I am definitely the most
villainous in this house.

New York,
you can take spot number two.

No, I'm not moving.
I'm not moving.

- The F you lever was mine.
- I agree. I second that.

I second that with Kandy.

You sure, Kandy?

So, Kandy, you think
you're the most villainous?

- Absolutely.
- Okay.

New York,
are you good with your spot?

No, but I don't feel like taking
a bite out of a ham hock.

So, I'm gonna
just live in this place.

Kandy is such
a heavy handed b*tch.

I'm never second.
Are you kidding me?

But if Kandy wants it,
I'm gonna let her

have it because
maybe this may be something

that works against her
and not for her.

Let's talk
about least villainous.

I'm thinking that this last spot

is gonna be for
the next supervillain.

I think I'm gonna
take my chances.

First of all, I don't know
why you're least villainous.

How are you the least least?

All I do is tell the truth.

I look at everyone in the eye
and I wouldn't dare tell a lie.

- Does everyone agree?
- No.

If I were to rank them,
I would probably put Safaree,

Larsa, Jessie, and Teresa.

Okay. Kandy Cane has spoken.

Wes, you're all a chatterbox.

Wes is worried
about what the hell

- this is gonna turn into.
- [laughing]

I don't trust anything
at this point, so.

I'm thinking
through all the options.

Least villainous
could be a really good

or a really bad thing.

Most villainous
could be a really good

or really bad thing,
so I am best in the middle.

I don't feel like Safaree
should be in that spot.

I don't care where I'm at,
because I know

where I'm going to end at,
so let them fight for it.

So you don't want to switch?

I don't give a sh--.

Eh.

Mm.

- You want to switch?
- No, I think you should

go more in the middle.
You just pissed everyone off.

You know what?

I was the first supervillain,
so put me here.

Wes, his body language,
it just was like,

Safaree, this is
not a good idea.

And I said, you know what?

I'll chill in the middle.

Jessie, are you good
with your spot?

I feel like you're less
villainous than me, though.

Less villainous, for sure.

I think you and Jessie
should switch.

I don't.

I feel like I've done
a little bit more shady things

than both of you guys.

That position might make you
supervillain automatically.

It's gone
through all of our heads.

We can talk about it
if we want.

I'm a team player.
I should move,

because I feel like I'm more
villainous than you.

You're saying
you're more villainous,

so that's not where
you're supposed to be.

I feel like I'm a little
bit more villainous than you.

Move down, Jessie.

Is everyone
okay with this order?

Nope.

Don't bring
your pterodactyl-looking a*s

over here.
You better move, boy.

I can't wait till you go
on the hit list, Jessie.

How did I become
the center of attention.

That's kind
of like peer pressure.

And I don't take too kindly when
somebody tells me what to do.

Huh.

Teresa, are you comfortable
where you are?

I mean, I think it's between
me, Wes, and Jess.

But if they don't want to move,
I'm fine with staying here.

Jessie, you sure?

Jessie don't need to be
over here, bro, whatever.

Yeah, I mean, Jessie, you feel
like you're fine there, right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

If you want to change,
you should.

I mean, listen, they want
to stay where they're staying,

so there's nothing
I can do about it.

I feel like Jessie
should have been at the end,

but also, I feel like Jessie's
not gonna give up.

You know,
what are you supposed to do?

I'm not gonna
fight with the guy.

So that goes to show you
that I'm the least villainous.

So, I guess we're locking it in.

At this point in the game,

we can agree that Kandy
is the most villainous

and Teresa is
the least villainous.

Now, I'm sure you're all
wondering why I had you do this.

This is actually
a surprise double banishment.

- Whoa!
- You serious?