Last ExMas (2024)

[bunniefuu]

[teens giggling and chatting

indistinctly]

[Maggie]: I was thinking like,

when he went in

and the way that he like,

acted in the middle

of the class.

[Megan]: I know.

- And then he was just

so...weird.

Like, who acts

like that?

- I know!

- And so, I don't know,

I was just like, thinking...

[overlapping chatter]

- Because it just,

I feel like there's not enough

for me

'cause I feel like, you know,

I'm really gonna get

to a place

that's much better.

- Yeah.

But you're gonna be so famous.

- Everyone's gonna love you.

- I know.

- You're like

the star of our year.

- Stop.

[Megan]: No, you're gonna make

it. I believe in you.

I think

it's gonna be great.

[rhythmic music]

[Megan]: ...And you're leaving,

you know?

- I don't understand.

Low key, you know,

but, like, honestly...

Yeah, of course, right.

But...

Please.

Just, just one second.

- Oh, okay.

[laughter]

[panting and moaning]

- I missed you so much.

It's almost midnight. I

thought you'd be here hours ago.

- I know, I'm sorry.

I'm still working

on my college applications.

Chicago's essay question,

"Where's Waldo? Really?"

- What? I thought we were only

applying to colleges out west.

- Yeah, I am but --

- It's New Year's Eve, Jules!

I wanted to spend

the whole night together.

- Oh yeah? And do what?

- I don't know.

[sighs]

[knock on door]

[Megan]: I gotta pee!

It's a semi-mergency!

[Maggie]: Uh, the bathroom's

down the hall.

- Wait. Maggie? Is that you?

Who are you in there with?

- Quick, hide.

- You've gotta be kidding me.

- Jules, please.

- If you're in there like,

naked,

gimme a code word.

Say "naked"!

- Naked. I'm naked.

- Nuh-uh!

Who are you naked with?

- Just...

It's one of the cheerleaders.

- Who? Is it Stacey? Grace?

[Jules]: It's been two years.

You promised you were gonna

tell everyone.

[Megan]: Dani!

I'm sorry.

[gasps]

- Is it Karen?

It's Karen isn't it?

Get it, Karen!

Why am I here?

Oh, right, pee. Oh.

- Jules, I'm sorry.

I'm up for prom queen

this year

and if people knew --

- Everyone knows you're g*y.

But yeah, sure, I get it.

I guess I'm not...

prom king material.

- Well, I --

- Anyway.

- Jules. Jules wait.

[music and chatter]

- I also applied to the Culinary

Institute tonight.

In New York.

That's why I was late.

And if get in, that,

that's where I'm gonna go.

- What? What happened to L.A.?

We had it all planned out.

- It's the better school.

- The bathroom's upstairs.

- Okay.

- Okay, Jules, wait.

Jules.

- I should have never come

to this stupid party.

I knew you were lying.

You were never

gonna tell anyone.

- Please, you barely even came

to this party, okay?

You always do this.

All you care about is you.

Between your extra homework

and the diner,

and now apparently New York,

I never make your list.

- Why did you even want me

here earlier?

Just so you can hide

me in some room?

God, you care so much about

what other people think of you.

It's pathetic.

- Yeah, well,

you care so little

and that's why

you look like that!

Okay, people are

gonna remember me.

No one even notices you.

- I don't wanna do this anymore.

- Okay, can we just talk

about this in, tomorrow?

- No.

No.

We're done, Maggie.

I don't wanna be

with you anymore.

- Fine.

Have fun being alone.

- Seven, six, five...

- Fine, as*h*le!

- Happy f*cking new year!

God!

[teenagers cheering]

[door slams]

- This town was always too small

for Maggie.

I hear she has auditions lined

up in L.A. and an agent.

Plus, being prom queen? I mean,

talk about a fast track

to total success.

Who was that girl arguing

with her at the party?

And what was her name again?

- Julianne is just thriving

in New York.

She's already been

offered jobs at three

of the top restaurants

in the city!

I'm creating this shrine

for her.

Every word ever written

about her is going up here.

I can't wait for her to see it.

She's gonna absolutely hate it.

- L.A. this, L.A. that,

it's all so exciting.

And you know, they don't

call it Tinseltown anymore.

Maggie won't stop reminding

me about that.

Oh, she's gonna be a star,

you know.

The biggest.

On the walk of fame.

[car commercial plays]

Oh, there it is! That's her

commercial! Maggie's on TV!

[broadcast]: And get zero

percent financing

for up to 24 months...

- Give her an Oscar already.

[Doris]: Would you look at that?

Our small-town hero.

New York City's

most eligible bachelorette.

But you can't keep a girl

when all she wants

to do is work, work, work.

I hear uh, chili peppers

really spice up the bedroom.

But Bernie needs more spice.

[Lola]: Are you serious?

Maggie's coming home

for the holidays?

It's been like, what, ten years?

- I think so. But I don't know.

I go by the number of exes

she's had, so what, like,

seven ex-mases ago?

- Hmm. This is going

to be some Christmas!

- Why?

- Well, Jules told me not

to tell anyone,

so don't tell anyone.

- I'm gonna tell someone.

- But she's also coming home

this year.

Her restaurant

is being reno'd

so she's finally got a bit

of time off.

Ooh! This is fate.

Fifty bucks

they get back together.

- Wait, what do you mean

get back together?

- What? I didn't say anything.

- I'm just messing with you.

- You think anyone can keep

a secret in this town?

I'll take that bet.

[mugs clink]

[engine revving]

[Richard]: Well, here we are.

[exhales]

- Wow. Um...

not much has changed.

- We painted the garage.

Three years ago.

- The same colour?

- Yes.

[both laugh]

Oh, we're happy

to have you home.

- Thanks, Dad.

[chuckles]

- Maggie? Maggie.

- Yeah.

- Did you see?

You're front page of the paper.

- Oh, my God, Mom,

I told you not to tell anyone.

- Well, I'm sorry.

I was so excited

to see my daughter.

And you know this town.

Everyone knows

everybody's business,

so it wouldn't even have

mattered if I said anything.

- And that's exactly why

I don't come home every year.

- You know, it's unfortunate

that your girlfriend wasn't

able to make it with you.

- Yeah, well,

she had other plans.

- What was her name again?

It was something eclectic.

[Richard]: Um, Moon?

- No, no, no, I think it was

like a flower

or something. Dandy?

- Dirt.

- Comet.

- I think you're all

talking about Fern

and she was

two exes ago, so.

- Who's the new victim?

- Vivian.

- Did Vivian

hit the eject button?

- No. It was um, mutual.

- Maggie got dumped again.

[Maggie]: Oh, my God. Dad.

[Gladys]: Hmm.

- What's that,

like eight times now? Ouch.

- I am so glad I came

home this year.

- Well, at least you have

the ceremony to look forward to.

- What ceremony?

Mom?

- What?

- It's nothing.

It's a small, little thing.

Don't worry about it.

- You're getting a key

to the city.

- What? For what?

- You know, I asked myself

the same question, Mags.

- The car commercial

was a huge hit here.

- Yes.

- Am I doing it right?

Am I waving too fast?

- I didn't take acting lessons.

- Mom, when you told me about

that a month ago,

I thought you were joking.

I don't want this kind

of attention.

- You're an actress. I thought

all you want is attention.

[Gladys]: I don't know

what you're so upset about.

This is such an honour.

They don't just give anyone

the key to the city.

- Hmm. You know, actually,

they gave it to Joe last month,

so kinda will just give it

to anybody.

[Richard]: Joe the crossing

guard has been a staple

to this community

for over 30 years.

- Five kids were hit

under his watch.

- Three were not his fault.

[Maggie]: Okay, you know what?

- Three.

- Tell the mayor thank you,

I appreciate the thought,

but no.

[Gladys]: Well, it's too late.

The ceremony is this afternoon.

Besides, you're not the only

one getting a key.

So, not all of the attention

will be on you.

- Wait, sorry,

they're sharing my key ceremony

with somebody else?

[Richard]: Mm-hmm, now you care?

- What? No. No,

but who...

Sandra from the salon?

- No, actually she got it last

February.

It's even better

actually, it's um --

- It's, it's no one.

I was mistaken.

That's next month.

It's just you. Only you.

Just eat your food.

We don't need to talk

through breakfast. Hmm?

- [whispers] Frankie.

- I'm home.

- You're late.

I'm late.

We're late.

- I know, I'm sorry.

Last-minute crisis at work

and I missed the earlier train.

- I should have been

at the diner an hour ago.

Will you drop by after

to help me out?

- I'm at your service.

- I'm so sorry that I can't be

at your ceremony today.

Oh, my God, your ceremony.

You're late!

If you leave five minutes

ago you just might make it.

- Five minutes ago?

Oh, very funny.

Um, you said it doesn't start

until one.

Also you haven't seen me

in a while.

Mom!

Mom!

I missed you.

- I'm sorry.

I missed you so much.

Have you lost weight?

You've lost weight.

- I haven't.

- Oh. Have you gained weight?

- No.

- I don't recognize

you anymore.

That's how little

I see you.

We're late.

- Okay, well,

I don't think you need this.

[chuckles]

[opera music]

[man]: And that was

Ms. Ofland's third-grade class

performing Arpeggio in C minor.

Now the reason why we are here.

Maggie Piers is finally home

after ten years.

We thought she was dead.

You might recognize her from

What the Star Chronical calls,

the commercial of the decade.

[Maggie]: Oh, God, no. No, no.

- Our second honouree is

best-selling author and our

small town hero.

Please let me welcome our key

to the city recipients,

Julianne Alba and Maggie Pierce.

[exhales]

[guests claps]

And Maggie Pierce.

Ms. Pierce?

[guests clapping]

There she is.

[tense music]

[inaudible]

[Frankie snickers]

- Congratulations.

- Thanks.

Wow, if there isn't anyone

less deserving

of this award than

Maggie Pierce.

Is this the only way

to get you back here?

First, prom queen and then this?

Wow, what accolades.

- Julianne Alba,

I'm surprised you

even showed up.

- Well, unlike you,

I actually deserve this award.

I'm the youngest head chef

in the Lower East Side, so.

- Youngest doesn't mean

the best

so you could also be the worst

chef in all of New York City.

- We were on our way

to a Michelin star.

- Sorry, what was that?

I couldn't hear all your lame

bragging

over the giant piece

of food stuck in your teeth.

- What?

[Tina]: They need to fire

that photographer.

- Attractive.

Might as well add it to

your obnoxious shrine of me.

- Hmm. I think we could

find some room.

Maggie Pierce.

Last time I saw her

she was climbing

out the second-story window

of our house

in the middle of the night.

You could have let her

out the front door, you know?

- Hey, she wanted to climb out

the window so nobody saw her.

- She would show up

at our house almost every day

pretending she was returning

a book

or a shirt she borrowed.

You basically had a stalker.

- What? I don't remember that.

- Well, you were very strict

about your study time

and not being disturbed.

I basically had

to shoo that poor girl away.

- So...need me to close

up here tonight?

- No. Why?

- I heard through the grapevine

that someone named Ken asked

you out today.

- Yeah. I said no.

- Why?

- He wanted to invite me over

for dinner at his house.

I barely know him.

- He's been our neighbour

for 30 years.

- A first date is a coffee

or a movie.

Something in a crowded place.

- Okay, well that

is being paranoid.

- What if I need to fart, hmm?

If it's just me and him in his

house, he'll know it's me.

[Julianne scoffs]

What other choice do I have?

Hold it in?

Let me tell you, Julianne,

last time I held it in,

I blew a hole right through

my pants.

I nearly shattered a window.

But in a movie theatre,

it can be anyone.

These are the things you need

to think about.

- I'm pretty sure that these

are not the things that you,

or anyone,

should be thinking about.

- You will when you're my age.

Here, give me those.

- Mom, you need

to put yourself out there.

I don't want you

to be alone anymore.

- I'm not lonely. I have you.

- Yeah, once or twice a year

when I can make it home.

- Don't worry about me.

Plus, I might have my eye

on someone else.

- Hmm.

[gentle music]

[Brooke]: Where are you?

Why aren't you hooking up

with someone?

You need rebound sex.

- Yeah, well, I'm trying

to find a temp job

because I'm so insanely broke

right now.

Brooke, I think this

is what rock bottom feels like.

- Oh, baby boo, you're just

scratching the surface.

Vi stopped by this morning.

She picked up her sh*t.

- Oh, she did not waste

any time.

How'd she look?

- Do you want the truth

or a friend?

- The latter.

- Fugly.

Missing all of her teeth.

Deformed head. Like she emerged

from the sewers.

- Hmm, so still insanely hot.

- Yeah, so f*cking hot.

[both laugh]

You'd be mad if I,

or we...you know.

- I would.

- I thought so.

That's why I checked.

- Hmm. Oh,

did I mention I ran into

my high school ex yesterday?

- No way. I just ran into my ex

at the farmer's market.

- Really? What happened?

- We slept together.

- Okay, so we had very

different experiences.

- What? No.

- Um, look I, I gotta go.

Just take care

of my place for me?

- You know it.

[door chimes]

[soft Christmas music]

[Maggie exhales]

- [gasps] Maggie?

- I'm sorry.

- Maggie Pierce?

Mags!

I heard you were finally

back in town!

I can't believe it!

It's been so long.

I'm not too sure

if you remember me.

We weren't really in the same

clique in high school.

I'm Julianne's best.

Only friend.

- Lola. Yeah, I,

I remember you.

You used to have blue hair?

- And then it was pink.

And then red.

And not it's all...

you could see.

Oh, my God!

You look the same, Mags!

I can't believe it.

I saw your car commercial.

You really look so real.

Like you were really waving.

How'd you do it?

- God-given talent.

Um, how are you? You look great.

- Really?

- Um, I, I should

really get going.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God!

That made my week!

A celebrity telling me

that I look great.

- I, I'm not a celebrity.

- I can't. I can't. Mm, mm!

I saw you got a key to the city.

- So exciting.

They don't give a key

to just anyone.

- I heard Joe the crossing guard

was last month's recipient.

- Hmm. Two of those kids

were not his fault.

Since you're back,

does this mean

you'll be throwing

your epic New Year's Eve's

parties again?

My RSVP is 10 of 10.

- No, I, I don't do those

parties anymore.

- Oh, duh. I'm sure you have to

head back to Beverly Hills.

Or Malibu.

Where do celebrities live?

But if you change your mind,

I'm available!

Actually, we're practically

neighbours though.

I'm moving in right across

the street from your parents.

It's taking

me weeks to move.

[whispers] I bought

the Smith's old house.

- Really?

- Yeah. They died.

- Oh, my God. What happened?

- Technically, they moved

to Florida.

But what's the difference?

- Well, I, I really

better get going.

- Let's do lunch tomorrow.

- I can't. I've got lots of,

you know,

errands and celebrity

stuff to do.

- I'm not taking no for an

answer. My treat.

Ha, Jules! Jules!

Julie Bear! Look who's back.

- I know. I was just signing

some books of mine.

That I wrote.

'Cause I'm also

a published author.

Town hero.

Big deal.

Want me to sign that?

- What? No.

- 10,355th on the Times

best-selling list, too.

Up 18 spots from yesterday.

- And if only you had a good

personality

to go with all of that.

Too bad.

Can't have it all.

- Okay! I have felt

the energy shift

and this has

now become awkward.

So, I'm going to

[clicks tongue] leave.

Lola out.

[window squeaking]

- I guess this is what

it's gonna be this holiday?

Us running

into each other everywhere?

- It's a small town.

Hard to avoid people.

- Well, maybe we should try.

- Look, this is my town

still so --

- My town?

Sorry, I didn't realize

you got the whole town

in the break-up.

- Just... stay away

from me.

Okay?

- Please, like I even wanna

be near you.

You smell like fish.

- Yeah, well, it's Fish & Chips

Day at the diner.

- Hi. It's so nice to see you.

- Hi.

[grunts]

Lola, what are you doing?

- What happened? What happened?

- You're just always there.

[Christmas bells chiming]

[Merry Christmas

by Linneah]

[car honking]

- Lola.

- Hi!

Come on, in, let's go!

- Ta-da!

- What? Lola, no,

I'm not eating Tina's diner.

- It's either here

or the Chinese buffet

that only serves pierogies.

And has failed their

last three health inspections.

Plus, I don't think Jules is

helping out today.

- Okay, yeah,

the diner it is. Okay.

[Lola]: I am so glad

we did this.

You know, I always felt

a missed connection

with you in high school.

We could have been

like so close.

- Um, sure.

- Uh...

That's a keeper.

- I can see Jules has dabbled

in the menu.

"Pan-fried pastry roll filled

with artisanal cheese

and aged salami."

That's a pizza pocket.

- Jules, hey!

- What are you doing

here? With her?

- She's one of my best friends.

- No, she isn't.

- But, well, she could be.

She said she loves you.

I mean, said, "Hi" to you.

- No, she didn't.

- Hi.

- You said she wasn't

gonna be here today.

- Did I? Oops.

- Okay, let's risk

the Chinese buffet.

- It'll be totally cool.

Don't worry.

She told me that she doesn't

hate you anymore.

Okay, that's a lie. She like,

really, really hates you.

It's borderline unhealthy.

But we can fix that.

[Lola squealing]

Jules, look who's here?

I'm just...you know.

I'm just stretching.

- What are you doing here?

- What am I doing here?

At a diner?

Um, I don't know, do you

ask all of your customers that?

Hey, Joe?

What are you doing here

at the diner?

Julianne's asking everybody.

- Eating. Dumbass.

- We're eating, dumbass.

- Okay, this isn't

a great start.

- I thought it was pretty clear

that I didn't wanna see you.

And I thought we agreed

to avoid each other.

- I think what Jules

is trying to say

is that she's happy

that you're making an effort.

- And you're trying

to fix that broken bond

between the two of you.

Making the first step

is the hardest.

- That's the complete opposite

of what I just I said.

- Okay, I, I wouldn't be here

if Lola didn't

basically force me.

Trust me, I wanna see you,

way less than you wanna see me.

- Okay, and what Maggie's

trying to say

is that she regrets not coming

to see you sooner.

And she valued your relationship

and hopes

that one day you guys can

be as close as you once were.

- Yeah. Okay.

- Shouldn't you be cooking

or something?

- We're actually all

out of food today.

[Maggie sighs]

- If I'm being honest,

this is actually going better

than I thought.

[Frankie]: Should we?

[Maggie]: If you don't I will.

[Frankie and Maggie chatting]

[giggling]

[Maggie]: No, just

the bottom part.

[Frankie]: Just around.

How are you sleeping

through this?

- This is good.

- Yeah. So, you find

a temp job yet?

- No, no.

- You know, the diner is hiring.

- Very funny.

- No, everyone is talking

about you guys.

They're really hoping

for a holiday romance.

- Does no one here have

anything else better to do?

- No, I got your back.

I made sure everyone

knows that Jules

is way out of your league now.

- Okay, thanks.

- Wait, wait, look.

[phone rings]

- Yeah, she really shouldn't

be driving anymore.

- We're late.

[Gladys]: Girls let's hurry up!

- For what?

- You seriously don't remember

what we do every year?

- Oh, no.

- Mm-hmm.

- No.

- Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

Come adore

on this great night

Queens and kings

in glorious light

And we all in fab array

Celebrate with flair today

Glo-o-o-o-o-o-ria

In eleganza

Glo-o-o-o-o-o-ria

In extravaganza

[Richard]: Those heels are

k*lling my toes.

[Gladys]: I told you to wear

your boots.

[Richard]: But they didn't go

with my outfit.

- Hmm, okay, you know what? No.

I think I'm gonna skip

this one, so.

- What? Oh, come on. She's not

even gonna recognize you.

Listen, the faster we get the

donations, the sooner we leave.

- True. I don't even know why

I came home for Christmas.

[knock on door]

- That order was supposed

to go through on Wednesday.

I don't understand why

it hasn't been delivered yet.

You realize if it's not in by

the weekend,

it's gonna seriously --

[Maggie]: Hello, we're waiting.

- Sorry, can I call you back? I

have carollers in, I hope, drag?

Sorry, guys, running

a restaurant and all.

Can I request a song?

- Oh, sure, honey.

But it'll cost you extra.

- Okay.

Since you're in drag,

how about "Last Christmas"?

- Oh.

[box rattling]

[snickers]

- Maggie?

[Maggie]: What? Who's Maggie?

I'm Chestnuts.

On to the next house.

- [laughs] Okay.

Uh... so, am I not

getting a song?

[birds chirping]

[phone buzzing]

[phone clicks]

- Everything okay?

- What? Um...yeah.

Yeah, it was just my agent.

She probably wants

to set me up

with some auditions.

- That's exciting.

- Yeah.

- If you need help

with anything,

all you have to do is ask.

- Honestly,

things are really great.

I've got a couple shows

lined up in the new year, so.

- Okay.

Your mother worries about

you.

Huh, but I keep reminding

her that you're a smart,

independent woman.

Not a lot

of people who can

take off to a brand new city

on their own.

But you did it.

You can do anything.

- Do you really mean that?

- We're really proud of you.

So, if you tell me things

are okay,

I trust you.

- Hmm.

[bell gently chiming]

[Tina]: When are you gonna bring

a girl home for Christmas?

- Ugh, Mom!

- What? I can't remember the

last time you had a girlfriend.

Let alone one you've had long

enough for me to meet.

- I work too much.

I don't have time for one.

I hate everyone.

Do you want more excuses?

- You need more balance

in your life.

It can't be work, work,

work all the time.

Maybe a girlfriend

might help relieve some

of those stresses.

You know what I mean?

- For my sanity,

I'm gonna pretend

that I don't know what you mean.

- I'll have to admit, it's been

a while since I've had a man.

Hell, I've been through a lot

of batteries,

if you get my drift.

I don't have

to get up to turn the TV on.

- Please, let's not

go down this road.

- It's nothing to be ashamed of.

- I don't really wanna be

talking about this with you.

- I just don't want you to run

out of batteries, like me.

- I thought you enjoyed

being a spinster?

- Well, who wouldn't?

I have complete freedom

in my life.

I have total flexibility

to do what I want.

And I have entire queen bed

to myself.

But this time of year,

it would be nice to share

it with someone special.

What do you think of Joe?

- Joe, the crossing guard?

Joe, the creepy guy

who comes into the diner

and orders one slice of whole

wheat toast, dry,

like a psychopath?

- I think he's kind

of mysterious.

- Uh, sure. In like,

a vagrant kind of way.

- Maybe this time next year,

he might be your new...daddy.

You know what I mean?

- Ugh.

[laughs]

- [laughs] I could barely get

that one out.

[both laugh]

- I think I threw up a bit

in my mouth when you said it.

[both laugh]

- But hey, I wouldn't have

to be using my batteries.

- Please, stop.

[gentle pop music]

We hit rapids

Late night caught

in the habit

I'm trying to recapture

The love we had to lose

[wind gusting]

I remember

- What the f*ck?

[gentle Christmas music]

[Frankie]: Ugh, I really waited

last minute to do this.

Um, gloves for Dad.

Ha, life alert

for Grandma.

- Frankie.

- I can't believe I got stuck

with this stupid list this year.

- What? Oh, yeah.

- Um, Mom wants to know what

you want for Christmas.

- Uh, what?

- What do you want

for Christmas?

- Um...just a second.

- Oh...

I'm gonna tell

her a vibrator.

Let's do vibrator.

[Maggie]: It's getting hard

to avoid each other.

- Yeah, especially

because you keep showing up

at my family's diner.

- Can I get a coffee, please?

So, um, how's your day going?

- Oh, actually --

- Okay, look,

I don't really care.

Um, I need a favour.

- My answer is no.

- What?

I didn't even tell you

what it is yet.

- Well, you asked me

for a favour,

and normally,

that's something you do

for somebody that you like.

And well.

- Wow, you turned into

a real jerk.

Did anyone ever tell you

that? God.

[scoffs]

- Okay, fine. What is it?

- Will you hire me just

until New Years?

- What? No, sorry.

We don't need any extra help.

- You have a sign in the window.

- That is just dcor.

Aren't you a celebrity?

Why would you want

to work in a diner anyways?

- I need it to do research

for a role

that I'm doing

in the New Year,

which is why it will only be

for a couple of weeks.

- No. No, forget it.

Absolutely not.

- Remember,

in our junior year,

when we made those

special brownies

that Tina accidentally

ate and she got really sick.

We told her it was bad eggs.

Yeah...

Be a shame if I told her

what was really in them now.

- You start tomorrow.

[Tracks By FontsTheDuo]

[scoffs]

Printing out

the golden ticket

Has me short of breathe

- Okay,

do not close this door, okay?

The handle broke recently

and it doesn't work properly.

This afternoon

This afternoon

Starting fresh

has me delighted

And warm faces keep me

fighting

There's a heart

that beats me lonely

I have no friends

But I will soon

I will soon

I hear tracks

on Monday morning

I see ships on Tuesday too

The ferris wheel

it all kept glowing

- I missed the snow.

It's so magical

this time of year.

[phone ringing]

- Uh, where do you

think you're going?

- Um, home?

Unlike you,

I actually have a life.

- I have a life.

Very busy, successful,

fulfilling life.

- And yet we both got the key

to the city.

- Just...

help me bring these

boxes to the back, okay?

And then you can go have a life.

- Fine.

[Maggie sighs]

[Maggie grunts]

[door creaks and locks]

- Please tell me that you did

not close that door

that I told you not

to close.

- It was an accident.

[Julianne huffs]

- Right.

[Maggie grunts]

- Use your l*sbian strength.

[pants]

- Please.

- Use your l*sbian strength.

- Okay. Well, it's only

funny when I say it.

[both grunt]

- I'm, I'm gonna call my dad.

- Yeah, yeah.

- It's in my coat.

Please tell me you have

your phone on you?

- Let's go up.

- Okay.

- Okay, good news

is I have service.

Bad news is I have two

percent battery, so.

Mom? Mom? Hello?

Can you hear me?

Tina? Tina, no. No, I don't

care what happened

on whoever's got talent.

Mom, we are --

[phone beeps]

Yeah, sh*t. It's dead.

- No. No, no, no.

No, I can't believe this.

What are we gonna do?

- We could try screaming

for help.

[both, screaming]: Help!

[muffled screaming]

[dogs barking]

[screaming stops]

- That was my only idea.

- I can't believe

we're actually stuck here.

- You don't think...

Oh, yes.

- Uh.

- It's still here.

- Is that --

- From senior year.

[both laugh]

- Yeah.

- Okay.

[Maggie]: I'm sorry.

[Julianne]: That hurt,

but it's your turn.

- My turn?

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.

[Maggie sputtering]

- Okay!

[both laugh]

- I'm sorry.

[laughing]

- What is so funny?

- Okay, my thought process,

right,

I was thinking of the last time

that we'd been trapped,

and it reminded me of that snow

storm in our junior year.

- The one where we got stuck in

the movie theatre parking lot?

- Uh-huh. And "Last Christmas"

was playing on the radio

and you got out of the car

because you wanted to climb

on the roof.

- And draw a heart

on the, the sunroof.

- Yeah. Yeah, and then I got

down and nothing else happened.

That was the end of the story.

- No, no, no.

- I'm pretty sure.

- I distinctly remember

you making

a not so graceful

journey back down.

In fact, you didn't just fall

off of the roof of the car,

you bounced the entire way down.

- Okay, well.

- I legit thought you

might have died.

- It was really slippery, okay.

[both laugh]

Wasn't that the night

that we first...

[clear throat]

- Um...yeah.

Sorry. Um...

I think so.

All I ever wanted was

to be close to you.

I was happy even

just being trapped in a car.

I was way more into you

than you were into me.

- That is not true.

- Yeah, it is.

You were always blowing

me off to do extra homework

or extra shifts

at the diner. I mean,

you missed my 16th birthday

because that was the summer

you decided

you wanted to learn

to cook your way

through every French recipe.

- I wasn't even invited

to your birthday.

- What, we, we were

gonna meet up after.

- Yeah. We were always

gonna meet up after.

You hid me

our entire relationship.

You were so consumed with

wanting to be popular and...

acting like how you thought

others would like you.

- That is not true.

No. You're right,

I...

I messed up.

I didn't think of it that way.

I was voted most likely to

succeed in high school

and I ended up being

the most unsuccessful.

- I was voted most likely to

not be remembered

at our ten-year reunion.

Why did they even

give that one out?

- I don't know.

[laughing]

It's cold in here.

- Yeah.

Oh.

- Thanks.

[gentle music]

[Tina]: I'm here to

save the day. Ha!

Oops.

I'm sorry.

I thought

this was the bathroom.

[Tina laughing]

[Maggie sputters]

[both laugh]

[exhales]

[laughs]

- Tina.

- Man.

[gentle pop music]

Yesterday day I picked apart

All we were back

at the start

Seemed to me long ago games

What if now

we're just the same

And I know that time changes

many things

But could it possibly just

change everything

With you

Oh, oh, oh, oh

With you

Oh, oh, oh, oh

With you

Oh, oh, oh, oh

With you

Oh, oh, oh, oh

With you

[indistinct chatter]

- Okay, I've had two Red Bulls,

two coffees.

I'm going

to need another black coffee.

I feel the energy today.

- Lola.

- Feels a bit different.

Yes, pour me, pour me.

- Maggie, we are

out of rye bread.

If you can let the

customers know, please.

[Maggie]: Yeah, okay.

Uh, thank you.

- That'd be --

- Okay.

- That'd be good.

Okay, thanks.

- Uh, what happened

with you two?

- What?

- She said please.

- N-nothing. Nothing.

Oh, I'm sorry,

let me get that.

- No, you're busy.

- No, no, honestly.

- No, babe, I --

- Uh, sorry?

- No, seriously,

it's fine, I...

I got it.

- Uh...

I think I'm good.

Maggie. Maggie?

- Oh, sorry. Geez. Sorry.

- Wait, everyone knows you two

got trapped in here last night

but you're both acting

like you slept together.

[gasps]

Oh, my God. Did you guys...

you know?

Scissors?

- What? No, no, scissoring's

not a thing.

What. It is,

but not in the way that...

nothing happened.

- This is off-limits to you now.

- Sorry. Sorry.

- Okay.

I need to know.

Did you guys...

you know?

- Hmm? What?

No. Nothing happened.

- What?

- No, I swear.

Okay? There...

there was a, a moment,

and then...

and then we...

- We what? God, woman!

Shh, tell me!

- We...

kissed.

- Kissed?

- Shh.

- Just kissed?

That is how lesbians act

when they kiss?

Why did you need

to whisper that?

- Hi.

- What is with you two

and the coffee today?

- Lola is done.

- Sorry.

Uh, I...I don't even know how

I feel about her.

I am so confused.

- Well, do you wanna

kiss her again?

- Yeah.

- I think that might

be your answer.

[Lola slurping]

[sputters]

This coffee's nasty.

You need to get me a new one,

please.

Just get me --

- Sorry, I didn't make it.

- This is gonna...

Jules!

[dogs barking]

- Okay, well, um, I,

I guess I'll get going.

[clear throat]

- Maggie's leaving.

- Oh, already?

- I'm gonna go to the back

to do some inventory.

It'll be a while.

A long while.

You won't see me around

for quite a bit.

- Okay. Okay, Mom, thank you.

[Maggie chuckles nervously]

- Um, are you doing

anything later?

- Just gonna swing by

Lola's for a bit.

- Oh, okay.

I, I just thought

if you weren't doing anything,

"White Christmas" is playing

at the theatre.

Maybe you wanted to go.

- Yeah, I can see

if Lola wants to come.

- Oh.

- I'm just kidding.

I would love to see

"White Christmas" with you.

- Okay.

Yeah.

[Tina]: I forgot my pen.

Actually, I didn't forget

my pen.

What was I thinking?

I can use safety pin

and my own blood.

I'm sorry.

[chuckles]

- So, I, I'll see you later?

- Yeah, I'll,

I'll see you later.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Cool.

- Bye.

[Maggie chuckles]

[gentle music]

[chuckles]

[wind gusting]

[sighs]

- Okay, which one?

- What's the message

you're trying

to send tonight?

- Um, I don't know, let's...

try to be more than friends,

maybe, if you want.

But no pressure.

- Oh, babe.

That is so lame.

- Okay, well what message

should I be sending?

- Like, you've missed out on

this for ten years.

And I'm opening the door

for you a crack.

No, a smidge.

No, I'm just unlocking

the door

so you'd better knock

me off my feet tonight

if you wanna get a second

chance.

Yeah.

- I don't have a shirt

that says that.

- I don't know, halter?

Tube top.

- Brooke, it's snowing.

- It could work.

More importantly...

- Oh, my God.

- What are you wearing

under your clothes?

-What?

[exhales]

[soft sentimental music]

[phone clicks]

[phone rings]

- This is Julianne.

Joe?

How'd you get this number?

Okay, slow down, slow down.

Is she okay?

Okay, okay,

I'll be there in five.

[wind gusting]

- Oh, a part of me thought

you were dead.

- Vi?

What are you doing here?

- You didn't answer

any of my calls.

- You broke up with me.

A month before Christmas,

when you promised

that you'd come.

You made me look like an idiot.

- And if you answered any

of my calls,

you'd know that...

I'm sorry.

Look, you're like the longest

relationship I've ever had.

- Three months?

- And that's like five years

in l*sbian math.

I made a mistake.

It was stupid and I realized

almost immediately

after we broke up that...

I want you, Maggie.

I flew across

the country for you.

I'd fly across

the world if you wanted me to.

So...

let me make it up to you?

[phone buzzes]

[phone clicks]

- Do you mean that?

Or are those just lyrics

to a new song?

[chuckles]

I mean it.

And I may also use them

as lyrics to a new song.

[Vi chuckles]

[Christmas music]

[birds chirping]

[wing chimes]

[Julianne]: Why didn't you tell

me you weren't feeling good?

- I didn't want to worry you.

- You tell me everything.

Things I don't even wanna know,

you tell me.

- It was a mild heart attack.

I've had period cramps

that were worse than that.

- From now on, you will be

telling me everything

you are feeling, always.

- Fine.

Do you know who called

the ambulance at the diner?

- I'm guessing it was Joe.

He also called me.

- It was. He's a lifesaver.

- I don't --

- One of those kids

was not his fault.

[chuckles]

You don't need to be here.

I know how busy you are.

I can manage fine

on my own.

- You shouldn't have

to be alone. Okay?

My work is okay with me

taking some extra time off.

So, I'm going to stay here

until you're feeling better.

You are more important to me.

[Tina sighs]

[Lola humming]

Lola's gonna get some

[indistinct conversation]

[Vi and Maggie laughing]

- That's not Julianne!

[Vi giggles]

Ah!

[indistinct chatter]

[dramatic music]

- I've got some gossipy-goss.

- Who?

[phones buzzing]

What?

Where?

When?

Why?

I need answers.

- Vivian.

Everyone calls her Vi.

Maggie's ex. Flew in

from L.A. a couple nights ago.

She's a Scorpio,

so completely wrong for Maggie.

I'm a Virgo.

That's much more compatible.

Someone should

let Maggie know I'm a Virgo.

And still single.

- Vi's a musician.

She's in the band

called The Sadies.

They're amazing.

I have all their albums.

Like, I can't even believe

she's dating Maggie.

I love Jules and

all but this girl wants some

front row concert tickets.

- I'm sure the entire town

is talking about it.

- What? This town?

No!

[Lola]: It's kinda funny,

though.

- What's funny?

- That Maggie now has two exes

in her hometown

at Christmas time.

That want her.

- Want her?

Okay, well, I didn't say

that I wanted her.

I don't even care, okay?

It's not like we were even

dating or anything.

We just --

- Kissed? I know!

Isn't that like second

base in the l*sbian world?

I thought it was almost kiss,

kiss, and then move in together.

- Whatever.

It's all over now anyways.

She's got

her hot musician girlfriend.

Optics.

That's all she

ever cared about.

- Tsk, tsk, tsk.

- Let's not forget,

you're the one who

stood her up

at the movies.

Did you not?

- Yeah, but Tina --

- I know, but she didn't

know that

when she was all alone,

waiting, at the movie theatre.

Heartbroken.

Don't let the cool, sexy,

successful, hot girl win.

[scoffs]

Look at those t*tties.

- Did you seriously heart this?

- Keep your friends close

and your potential

best friends closer.

Isn't that the saying?

- Uh, I thought I told you

to go rest?

I can handle this.

- Okay. Okay.

[sighs]

- You know?

I'm glad Maggie

got what she always wanted.

I'll never be the cool,

hot girl.

- You could be if you...

brushed your hair.

I didn't order this.

What the hell are you doing?

- Hmm? Sorry, ah,

this isn't yours.

- Clearly.

- What?

Gross.

- Do you think Maggie knows why

I didn't show up at the theatre?

- Yes.

- How --

- Any or all

of these people have

probably already told her.

Okay, look,

you're my best friend.

I could honestly tell

from the moment

you guys saw each other again

that you are still into her.

My intuition is that good.

- Is it that obvious?

- You guys are adults now,

but you seem

to keep acting like teenagers.

Adults tell each

other how they feel.

Tell her how you feel,

or I will.

You okay?

Yeah?

Okay, now, back to me.

I'm rehearsing my one-woman

play later today,

"Walk, Lola, Walk.

Don't stop. Keep running."

Are you able to come

and give notes?

And advice?

- I'm, I'm not. No.

- Maggie and Vi will be there.

- What I meant was

I'm not, not coming.

- Is it yes or no?

Double negatives confuse me.

Are you?

[Lola]: Ugh! Guys, can we fix

the light?

A little to the left,

please.

Has to be perfect.

Come on.

Spotlight on me, only me.

- This seat taken?

- The theatre is

literally empty.

- Well, it's the best seat

in the house for the acoustics.

- Whatever.

[Lola panting]

[Lola]: It was

Christmas Eve 1998,

it was when I first

discovered my...

vulva.

And now the dance of the --

- Aren't you gonna introduce me?

[Lola panting]

- Oh. Vi, this is Jules.

She works at the dinner.

Jules, Vi.

Now, let's watch Lola.

- Nice to meet you.

How long is this gonna go?

- I'm actually a chef at

a world-renowned restaurant

in New York.

- Cool.

- Everyone died

from food poisoning.

My mother never

cooked again.

- Vi's in a band,

but you probably

already knew that.

They're kinda famous.

They just sold out the Greek.

- Hmm. I'm actually kinda

famous, too.

I wrote a cookbook.

It's a bestseller.

- A town bestseller,

so let's not gloat.

And not to brag, but Vi's

bank account amount

looks like a phone number.

- What, 911?

- Sorry, are you

talking about me?

[Lola]: Guys, can you not talk

during my performance?

This is art. Art takes time.

Do not waste my time.

- This is live theatre, Lola.

You gotta ignore

the distractions.

- Yeah, you're lucky

that I'm even here.

- True.

Thanks, guys.

Where was I?

Ah, yes. I remember

when my mother

picked up the pickle ornament.

[phone rings]

The same ornament I had used

earlier to give birth.

- Oh, so your phone does work.

- And what is that

supposed to mean?

- Sorry, I've gotta take this.

I'll be back later.

[Lola humming]

- Just that you didn't call me

to tell me about Tina.

I had to hear about it

from Lola.

- Okay, look, I'm sorry I was a

little preoccupied

taking care of my sick mother

and I didn't think

to call you right away.

- At all.

You didn't call me at all.

- Okay. Look, I'm sorry

I didn't call you.

- It's fine.

- It's clearly not fine.

- Well, it's over now.

- Okay --

- Shh! Just watch Lola.

We shouldn't be talking.

[Lola singing]

[Vi]: Sorry. Hey.

- Hey.

[Lola]: Tippy tap, tap, tap.

Tap, tap, tap.

- Did I miss something?

[Jules and Maggie]: No.

[Lola]: Well, Lola lived.

Lola will always live.

[exhaling]

[gasps]

Lola!

[body rasps on floor]

[gentle pop music]

[sighs]

- So,

what's with you and Julie?

- Jules?

- Same thing.

- What do you mean?

[scoffs]

- Come on, Mags,

you two are acting

like two angry exes.

- Uh, okay, I would never wanna

date someone like her.

- Hmm, okay.

You sure?

'Cause you seemed pretty upset

when you left the theatre.

- Yeah, well,

I thought that she was my friend

and she treats me

like I'm nothing,

so...

look, I don't wanna talk

about her anymore.

- Okay.

- Mm-hmm.

Hmm, okay.

There... may have

been an ulterior motive

to me coming here

for Christmas.

- What is it?

- So, I just found out

from my label

that I'm going on tour.

- On tour?

- Yeah, so, six months

in Europe

and then headed to Asia

for like, another six months.

And... I want you to come

with me.

- That's a whole year.

- Yeah, but I mean,

you said it yourself,

you wanted to take a

little break from acting.

This is perfect timing.

- Yeah. Yeah, I know but...

- Look,

I could do this without you.

But I don't want to.

You're my muse.

I want you with me.

- Are you sure you want me

tagging along?

I don't wanna get

in the way.

- There's only we in this

relationship.

Not me.

I wanna do this together.

You don't have to answer me

right now but...

just think about it. Okay?

- I don't need

to think about it.

I'm in.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, I'm in.

- I knew you'd say yes.

[Maggie chuckles happily]

- Door open, ladies.

- I hope you're joking.

- I keep forgetting

that you're adults.

Carry on and have fun.

Honest to God, Gladys, be cool.

- Oh, my God.

Sorry.

- No. I'm just glad

you're coming.

- Me too.

[Gladys]: Maggie,

this is from your father and I.

Well, when you open it,

he's going to be just as

surprised as you are.

He never knows what we get you.

- Well, I paid for it.

- Oh, my God, Richard,

it doesn't matter.

[Maggie]: Oh...

Mom, Dad,

I... I can't accept it.

- What is it?

- What the hell?

You guys got me socks

and underwear.

How is this fair?

- What is it, a car?

[laughs]

- You live rent free.

Maybe if you get your own place

and start paying rent,

I'll start buying something

more expensive for you, too.

- Socks and underwear are fine.

- Maggie, we just don't want

you to give up on your dreams.

We've really loved having you

at home this year.

I mean,

we just wanna help out a little.

- Thanks, Mom and Dad.

- Just promise me you'll come

home as much as you can, okay?

- I promise.

- Okay, sweetheart.

- Seriously,

what did we get you?

- It's actual chicken scratch.

I don't even know

how Dad could read this.

[Tina]: All of those recipes

were in his head.

I had to beg for him to write

it down before he died.

- Two tablespoons of "goopa"?

"Goaba"?

I actually think he might

have made up ingredients

just to mess with us.

- Knowing your father,

that wouldn't surprise me.

I've tried this recipe every

Christmas for the last 15 years

and I can't seem

to get it right.

- Do you think Dad would

have been proud of me?

- Ah, he would have been proud

of you if you were a dishwasher.

He just wanted you

to be happy.

No matter what you did.

- I really miss him.

His bad puns and his long,

overdrawn stories.

- And his bad singing.

- The voice of a dying cat.

[both laugh]

- Maybe we should make

something else.

- Honestly, it's fun

to just cook with you,

even if we don't get it right.

Why don't we start again?

I think there's some "goaba"

in the fridge.

- I think you mean "goopa,"

It's on the shelf.

[gentle music]

- What does that say?

- Butter.

- Oh.

[laughs]

[instrumental Christmas music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Hi.

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

Oh, you finally nailed

your dad's holiday pie?

- Only took 16 years.

[indistinct chatter]

- Is Joe here?

I heard he'd be here?

- Oh, don't you dare go home

with Joe tonight.

- I'm sorry,

he's the one for me.

- Oh, Mom!

Higher standards.

Mom!

[Tina]: Hi, guys.

[Richard]: Hi.

[Gladys]: How are you?

[Richard]: Can I get you

a drink?

[Tina]: Hi, Joe.

How are you?

- Hi.

- Hi.

- You can't be mad at me.

It's Christmas.

It's like a reset for the year.

- I'm not mad anymore.

Um...

Vi invited me on

tour with them

and we leave tomorrow,

and honestly,

I'm really excited, so.

- Can, can we talk quick?

- Okay. What's up?

- Like,

somewhere a little more private?

[Vi]: Oh, lemon in there.

- I'll go get some snacks.

How's that sound?

- Yes!

- I'll be right back.

- Snacks.

[Richard]: Please. Please.

- Sure. Yeah.

[Richard]: Well, I've heard

things about you, Lola.

A lot of things about you.

[overlapping chatter]

[door creaking]

- Wow.

- What?

- Literally nothing

has changed in this room.

[chuckles]

You still have this?

- Okay, well, yeah.

I'm a hoarder, clearly.

[Maggie chuckles]

So, what's up?

- I quit my job in New York.

- What?

I, I don't understand.

Why would you do that?

- 'Cause I would rather

be remembered

by the people that I love

than by strangers

that I don't know.

- That's great, Jules.

[Frankie]: Maggie! Maggie!

- Um...we should get going.

- Wait, wait.

There's something else.

Don't go on tour with Vi.

- What?

- I am sorry

that it has taken me so long

to show up for you

like you've always needed me to.

You've always been

in the back of my mind

and I don't wanna spend ten

more seconds without you.

I choose us, Maggie.

I love you.

- Um,

I think you're gonna

wanna come downstairs.

[loud snoring]

[Vi]: Maggie.

- What's going on?

- Maggie Catherine Pierce.

- Oh no.

- You are my inspiration,

my ingenuity, my vision.

I know I've thrown a lot

of curveballs at you this trip

but there's one more.

Marry me.

- Um...

- I know,

you're at a loss for words.

- I...

- Do you wanna be my wife?

[snoring stops]

- For Christ's sake,

you two are so wrong

for one another.

It's obvious who Magie

should be with.

- Uh...

[Christmas bells jingling]

[contemplative music]

[Vi sighs]

- Vi, wait. Wait, wait.

- The amount of talking

in this family.

It just goes on and on.

Can't a woman sleep in peace?

[dramatic music]

[Maggie]: Vi!

Vi, wait!

Vi, wait.

Just open the -- Vi!

[engine revving]

[engine revving]

[Julianne]: No. No,

no, no, no. f*ck!

[whistles loudly]

[Lola]: Run!

- Seriously?

- Go get her.

- Okay.

[engine rumbling]

[Radio DJ]: And now, a new

single from the Sadies.

[pop music]

[scoffs]

- This song is good.

I need to take this chance

I know I should keep

my distance

Last time that I saw you

You gave me those eyes

and I think I found it

[engines roaring]

[Frankie]: I thought

lesbians were supposed

to be good at directions.

- This is painful.

Oh, I want you back

in my life

[Maggie]: Come on,

pick up, pick up.

I know I can I keep it

together

Oh, I want you back

in my life

[engines rumbling]

- Side window!

Side window! Side window!

[Tina]: Can someone

do something!

I love my ex

Oh, I love my ex

I love my ex

I love my ex

Oh, I love my ex

I love my ex

[tires screech to a halt]

[song stops]

[Maggie]: Vi.

Vi, I'm sorry.

- What is this town,

a maze?

I feel so stupid.

- Don't. Look, I'm sorry,

it was just...

it was way too soon.

- I'm not talking

about the proposal.

I can't believe I was too stupid

not to see what was going on

between you and Jessica.

- It's Jules.

- Whatever.

- Nothing was happening

between us.

- Yeah, well, we did kiss.

- You kissed?

When?

- A few days ago.

- Yes, but we were broken up.

- Wait, wait, was this

the same night

that I arrived?

- No, of course not.

- Wait, did you get back

with your ex,

the same night

that Tina had a heart attack?

- Okay, first of all,

it was angina, and,

how did this get

turned back on me?

- How did you fall in love with

someone you barely know,

so quickly?

Did I really mean

that little to you?

- No, Vi!

- Barely knew?

We dated for two years

in high school.

[scoffs]

- Really.

[sharp inhale]

- I can explain.

- And this is exactly why I

don't date small-town lesbians.

- It's just too messy.

- Oh, please.

Like L.A. is any better.

The chart looks

like a f*cking galaxy.

- Okay, let me

just get this straight.

So, you got back

with your ex the same night.

- No!

- Which means you didn't

actually like me.

- And you never even told her

that we dated?

It's been over ten years

and you're still hiding me.

And then to top it all off,

you had the audacity

to get mad at me?

Am I missing anything here?

- I think you

nailed it there, Jamie.

The only good thing

to come from all of this

is that I'm gonna get one hell

of a break-up album.

- I cannot wait

to listen to that.

You... you haven't

changed one bit.

- Guys, wait.

[sombre music]

- How to lose two girls

in ten minutes.

The Maggie Pierce story.

You know what? Maybe next

year you can bring home Fern.

It'll be a yearly

ex-mas tradition.

You know, it's only fun

to rip on you when you rip back.

Talk to me. You okay?

- I think I really messed

up this time.

- Well, stay

and make it up to Jules.

Or if you don't want Jules,

go back to L.A.

and make it up to Vi.

It's actually

pretty simple.

[Brooke]: I vote throuple.

But no one seems

to be asking for my opinion.

Hello?

God, so annoying.

- I don't even know how

I'd get her back.

- And "her" is?

- I gotta go.

Gonna miss my flight.

- Wait, who's her, Mags?

No, wait, wait, tell me,

who is her?

Jules? No, Vi.

It's Vi. Lola.

[Lola]: Everyone's wearing

blazers

and I'm just wearing like this.

You see it?

[Jules]: Why are we so profesh?

- It's business casual.

- Guys, I thought it was

disco. It's disco.

[Jules]: This is business casual

for Lola.

Let's be real.

- Yeah.

- Let's be real.

- Let's be real.

But I love it. Love it.

[Richard]: Hey, you guys.

- Oh, thanks.

- I made it a double.

[Frankie]: She's in L.A.

- There was a tiny part

of me that thought maybe,

she'd still pick me.

- Cheer up. It's going

to be a new year.

Maybe it's time to

get back out there.

There are a ton

of eligible women here.

- Like who?

- Megan. She just got

a key to the city.

- The whole city?

- They really will just give

that key to anyone.

Thanks, guys, but I feel like

maybe I'm just meant

to be alone.

It's in my

DNA. Like Tina.

[Tina]: My sweet hero.

- Well, I'm rooting

for you and Megan.

Happy New Year.

[chuckles]

[gentle music]

- Two minutes till midnight!

- Hey, what are you doing here?

- Um, where's Jules?

- Um, I don't know,

she's here somewhere.

- Okay.

[overlapping chatter]

[heavy breathing]

I know we saw each other last

night but I already miss you.

I made a mistake.

I am such an idiot.

Can you forgive me?

[Lola]: Don't go spending

that 50 bucks.

[sighs]

- I hate that I chose L.A.

over you.

I hate that when I come home,

it's not to you,

and I hate

that I'm the reason why.

I miss talking to you.

I miss you

every single day.

- Babe, what are you --

- I wanna be your midnight kiss

every year, forever.

Happy New Years, Jules.

- Okay, people,

give them some privacy.

God, why is everyone

so nosy in this town?

[chatter resumes]

- This is the phone that I had

when we graduated high school.

- You know you can

recycle it, right?

- On it are drafts and drafts

of text messages

that I never sent you.

I thought

about you a lot, Jules.

Every single day, actually.

Even after we broke up.

And I should have told

you all of this

when we were still together,

and when I went to L.A.,

and even when we saw

each other this year.

But here it is.

I'm yours

if you want me.

Please say you want me.

[Countdown from 10 to 1 begins]

Attention, everyone,

I, Maggie Pierce,

am completely and utterly

in love with Julianne Alba.

Jules,

you are impossible

to forget.

- Of course I still want you.

[crowd]: One!

Happy New Year!

[party cheering]

- I just heard a rumour that

Maggie's going to propose soon.

But that doesn't make any sense

to me

because I thought Julianne

was the top.

But it would appear

that Maggie is the top.

Oh, I need to read

the l*sbian handbook again,

that chapter about

when your ex dates your ex's ex.

That's too confusing.

Are all lesbians exes?

All of them?

- Maggie and Julianne,

they moved to New York together,

and she got a recurring role

on a show as a l*sbian nun.

And now,

all of America loves her.

Give her an Oscar already!

- If it wasn't for me meddling

in people's affairs,

I really don't

know if Mags and Jules would

have gotten together.

[gasps]

Did you hear about the Smiths?

They died.

Technically, they're

doing a year-long cruise,

but what's the difference?

This town speaks in gossips.

It's alive.

It's 'cause of me.

[Christmas bells jingling]

- Okay, come on, we're late.

- I am an ugly, ugly man.

- Woo!

[all laugh]

- I would do me, 100 percent.

[Gladys]: Okay, let's get going!

- Wait! And one more.

Introducing...

O'Holly Night.

[all cheer]

[all chuckling]

You could have shaved, Joe.

[kisses]

[Julianne snorts]

- Wow.

[chuckling]

- So, this is every year?

- Every year.

- Let's do it.

[both laugh]

[giggling]

[all chattering gleefully]

[Tina]: Yes!

I don't need pretty lights

on Christmas morning

Round the tree

Santa been taking his sweet

time and there's no guarantee

That her and me

were meant to be

But I've been waiting

so patiently

She is the reason I am full

with happiness this season

Not a jingle or a bell

could make me smile

till Christmas day

I'll make her mine

this holiday

Da, da, do

Da, da, da, do

Da, da, da, da, do

Da, da, da, da, do

Da, da, da, da, do

I don't need sugar plums

or candy canes to get my fix

She's sweet enough to keep me

until December 26

And she could be with me

Oh, I've been waiting

so patiently

She is the reason I am full

with happiness this season

Not a jingle or a bell

could make me smile

till Christmas day

I'll make her mine

this holiday

You are the reason I am full

with happiness this season

Not a jingle or a bell

could make me smile

till Christmas day

I'll make you mine

this holiday

Da, da, da, do

Da, da, da do, do

Da, da, da, do

Da, da, da, do

Da, da, da, do

Da, da, da, da, do

Da, da, da, do

Da, da, da do

Da, da, da, do

Da, da, da do