- [Brennan] A list of the topics, themes,
and subject matter
featured in this episode
has been included in
the video description.
♪ Here we go ♪
♪ T-T-T-Taking over, teenage rebellion ♪
♪ It's our time, it's our year ♪
♪ No more fantasizing about it ♪
♪ Everything's about to change ♪
♪ We're all gonna be okay ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, let's go ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, let's go ♪
Hello, one and all!
Welcome to another thrilling episode
of "Dimension 20: Fantasy
High Junior Year".
I'm your humble dungeon
master, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
With me, as always, are
our Intrepid Heroes.
Say hi, Intrepid Heroes!
- Hi, Intrepid Heroes!
- Oh, wow. Last we left off,
a wonderful nat one roll on a d4.
- Yeah!
- True king sh*t.
Absolute king sh*t.
- [Brennan] True king sh*t.
- Suck a*s, Murph.
- Got us all the way out of
the spectral Mordred Manor
in the heart of The Ball's briefcase.
Yes, on a winter trip for the
Moonar Yulenear in Fallinel,
where the whole fam and a bunch
of the g*ng got teleported
to Fallinel, you visited
Tracker's Wolfsong encampment,
where you found an ancient
circle of standing stones
with the original marriage
contract written in stone
between the gods Cassanda and Ankarna,
with their witnesses and honor attendants
of Galicaea and Ruvina,
officiated by Sol.
You saw multiple Divine
Interventions occurring at once
as the name was discovered and
read aloud for the first time
in an age of Spyre, and
with some quick thinking,
some Counterspelling, and a
dive inside of a briefcase,
you found yourself face to face
with Baron of the Baronies.
There was some rooting around,
exploring a nightmarish
version of Mordred Manor
where you fought spectral
foes in the guise
of mentors and loved ones
and close, dear friends,
and eventually all got the hell
out of there with six items
manifesting the broken
curse of Gilear Faeth.
You have gotten to the graveyard and erupt
back out of The Ball's
briefcase, all following a trail
of screaming yellow light
as the curse is broken,
regathered, and you have
formed all of this energy.
We cut back to exactly this moment
with Adaine Abernant holding
the Sword of Sight aloft,
all of you swirling around behind.
Fig and Kristen, each of you
watch as the shards of twilight
glow purple and begin to
sort of fend off around you,
once again with mirrors,
the light of this yellow
gleaming at the tip of Adaine's sword.
You can hear distant voices
yelling out, "Figueroth!"
"Gorgug! Gorgug, buddy, can you hear us?"
Of all the various parents gathered around
with Aelwyn outside the actual briefcase.
What would you like to do in this moment
of traveling through this
interdimensional wormhole?
- Can I do an Arcana check on this curse
to maybe see where it came
from, or at least get...
I mean, I know it's infernal.
- Yes.
- But see if I can get
more of a handle on it
than just "somewhere in Hell"?
- Go ahead and give me an Arcana check.
[Ally laughs]
- I mean, it's a 14.
- On a 14,
you know that the origin
of the curse is infernal.
You pinpoint it more
specifically as being a curse
attached to the Armor of Pride,
and yet Gilear's life was bad
far before he ever put on-
- As far as we know.
- As far as you know.
So I think that you know
on a 14 that more answers
might lie in the infernal library of
the Bottomless Pit,
where you originally-
where Riz was reading
all those law books
back in sophomore year.
- Might have gotten rid of all those
to build a recording studio.
- You don't have, like, a cool area,
with all kinda vinyl records
and also books in the recording studio?
- I just really made it clear
that we were doing a recording studio.
- So it's basically 50/50
whether Baby burned the books or not.
- Yeah.
- Great. Cool.
- [Murph] Okay!
- We just gotta hope.
- Hey, at the end of the
day, you just gotta hope.
- What else are we gonna do?
- I could sh**t a text, but
Baby doesn't look at his phone.
- He's always losing his phone.
- His phone is on Hell mode.
- People are calling it.
It's going right to voicemail.
That's just a Baby thing.
- We cut to the outside of
an endless, bottomless pit
with just a huge rented
dumpster full of books
and way in the distance of
a blasted plane of fire,
a dump truck just slowly ambling.
- No!
- Roll for dump truck.
- I text Baby, save the books!
f*ck.
- [Brennan] Incredible.
- He doesn't do read receipts.
- Someone message him.
- You see that Baby has,
"My notifications are silenced" on.
- [Siobhan] Notify anyway?
- Notify anyway! Notify anyway!
- What is Baby doing that
he can't be distracted?
- We cut to see Baby just
doing his gyration thing
in a perfectly empty
room, screaming so loud.
- Phone's lighting up in the back corner.
He's completely ignoring it.
- Baby was talking about
being on his phone too much.
- Incredible. So you know
that there's probably
more information awaiting
you in the Bottomless Pit
if you wanted to research
the armor specifically.
- Okay, cool.
- And you also feel that the curse
has a connection to Hell in this moment.
You feel, moving through
this extradimensional space,
the likeliest course is
for you to be ejected
back out through the entrance you came in,
which is The Ball's briefcase.
However, moving in this
extradimensional way,
you do have a potential, if you want.
You see the edge
of the Sword of Sight almost sharpens
as reams of paper and all
these different file cases
in The Ball's briefcase circle around.
And you almost see an
extradimensional edge
to the sharpest point of the
blade of the Sword of Sight.
- We can send a message to our parents
that we're taking a detour,
but that we're okay.
- Yeah.
- [Murph] If you wanna
just go somewhere else.
- You wanna just go to Hell?
- Cool, I'm gonna send
a message to my mom.
I assume since we hear them and stuff,
we could direct a message
and just be like, we're cool!
We're just gonna take a quick diversion
to Fig's recording studio in Hell.
- What?
- Sorry, Mom.
- We're fine! We're going to Hell!
- We're fine, we're fine.
- We don't have to do that.
I thought we were going
to use it for Lydia.
- We'll find out.
- I think we probably are
gonna use it for Lydia.
- Okay.
- But let's find out about-
- [Ally] Just do a
quick detour, if we can.
- Let's find out where it's for.
- So you don't wanna use the curse
to get to Hell, correct?
- If the curse can only get us to Hell,
then I have a better way of doing that
that doesn't involve us using
this incredible power that we just fought-
- If you wanna store
the power in the sword
for the time being and
use your regular power-
- Yes.
- Hell, yeah. Go for it.
- Great, then I will cast Plane
Shift and take us to Fig's-
- Sick. How does Adaine cast Plane Shift?
What does that look like?
- I think it's full "Bill and
Ted's Incredible Adventure",
you know those blue doors made of light?
She just cuts one out of
the air with her sword,
and then we can just walk through it.
- Incredible!
- Very "Harold and the Purple Crayon".
Glowing slice, glowing slice,
glowing slice, glowing slice,
and suddenly all of you have
a door that follows with you
as you spiral up that you leap through.
- Woo!
- [Brennan] And all of you are
standing in a hot, dark room.
- It's hot!
- As you look over
at several flayed souls
standing with instruments
on a beautiful rug.
- This is so embarrassing.
I didn't know we were coming to my house.
I go around and start cleaning.
- No, Fig! Fig, it's fine!
- It's great.
- Are you okay with this?
- I don't have any food in the fridge.
- [Lou] Not even, like, a lemonade?
- Are you okay with these
flayed guys standing on the rug?
I feel like they're very drippy.
- I don't know if they come another way.
I think flayed is the only-
- Is it okay to use your bathroom now,
or do we have to just...
- You see that the door opens.
There is a spine devil,
so just truly covered
in razor sharp barbs,
but he's got an incredibly
long, white beard
with a little leather
cord tying off the end
and a huge, scraggly, white ponytail
and glasses on sort of an arched nose.
- This is all my uncles.
- Comes in.
- It could be!
- His headphones are absolutely shredded
by the spines on his body,
have ripped the foam
out of his headphones.
He comes in and is like, "Oh, hey.
You guys part of the band?
You guys recording in here?"
- We're looking for the books.
- What's that?
- We're looking for all the books.
- He says, "Oh! Archdevil, Ms. Faeth!
My name, it's Rip. Nice to meet you."
- Nice to meet you, Rip. I'm Fig.
We like to keep it
three letters down here.
- You got it. Well, hey, so, you know.
Did you say you were looking for a fridge?
We got a mini fridge. We got seltzer.
- Fridge?
- Yeah, I'll take a seltzer.
- They're looking for books, but I am-
- I do need a seltzer.
- [Murph] I'm looking for books.
- Do you have any fridges that are cold?
All of the seltzers in here
are warmer than the room.
- We keep them piping hot.
- All right, I'll have a hot seltzer.
- It kinda tricks you into
thinking that it's carbonated.
- What does refrigerate mean down here?
Refrigerate? I mean,
you called it a fridge.
- Yeah, well, it's a fridge,
but it's broken, so it's piping-
- Got it, so you just have a box.
- [Murph] A sweltering box.
- Yeah.
- [Zac] Isn't that sort of like-
- But the nice thing about
the fridge being that hot
is you don't actually have
to carbonate the seltzer.
The heat does that.
- That's the thing.
So it's bubbling, you know?
- Yeah, boiling water in cans.
- Oh.
- Okay.
- [Siobhan] Innovative.
- Riz badly burns his hand.
Ah!
Ah!
- Oh, so it's hot grapefruit. Okay.
[Murph grunting in pain]
[cans hissing]
- Ah! Okay, they're all like this!
- [Zac] How many did we want?
[players grunting in pain]
[cans hissing]
- It's very hot.
- It's good, though.
- So that'll be $2.50, $2.50, $2.50.
- What?
- No, no, no.
- We don't get a discount?
- You're unbelievable.
- What?
- Hey man, I'm in charge here! I pay him.
- He goes, "Oh sh*t, thank you.
This is my first paycheck,
and I've been working here since 1963."
- 1963?
- Yeah, and the year is 1982.
- There you go.
- Wait.
- Wait a minute!
You see Rip walks out and
says, "Books, I wouldn't know.
Baby's been running around like, you know,
he's been on fire, man.
I mean, we all have a little bit. Wink."
- Oh, okay.
- 'Cause it's so hot here?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[can hisses]
[Lou whimpers]
You guys wanna listen to this groove?
Do you wanna hear this groove
they're laying down, by the way?
- Yeah, I would love to, yeah.
- Make a little Performance check.
groove, like jam band music.
- Okay, okay.
I feel like everyone's
soloing at the same time.
- Exactly.
- Okay.
- All these guys hate each other.
They don't wanna work together.
- Okay.
- That makes sense.
- So they're making really chill music,
but they're all kinda coked out?
- Competing?
- Oh yeah, big time.
- They're all in different keys.
Everyone's really good
at their instruments.
- They're all really talented.
- You can tell the vibe is tainted.
- They've all tried to
start their own bands,
and people find them insufferable,
so they've had to work together.
- You see Rip points at the drum,
and it says Tainted Vibe on it.
- Oh wow. I must've read that.
- Subliminal.
- Amazing. So all of you-
[can hissing]
All of you see the door out of the studio.
You get back to the Bottomless Pit,
this winding spiral going
down into an endless quarry,
and you just see souls pouring
from the red, fiery sky
overhead, falling into
the bottom of the pit.
- We just, like, hung
out here for a while.
- Yeah, this is what I do,
or what I'm supposed to do.
- You see, [poof] "Mistress!"
- [Emily] Oh, Wretchrot.
I'm so happy that you're
here. We're looking for books.
- I destroyed all of them.
- What?
- No, you liar.
- Baby!
- Why?
- Can I do an Insight?
- Do an Insight check.
- [Emily] I do it with
disadvantage, so 11.
- He's gonna roll Deception.
He's lying terribly.
He wants you to think
he destroyed them all
'cause he thinks that's what you want.
- Okay, oh my god.
Okay, but I really need
to find the books, though.
- Huh? Oh!
Well, I destroyed them
insofar as I put them in
dumpster outside of the Pit.
- That's wonderful!
- Wait, what day is it today?
- It it trash day?
- Ah! It's Thursday!
- We hear the trucks coming.
- We run, we run.
Take us there, Baby!
- Take us there!
[Brennan yelps creepily]
- Baby, stop dancing. Just run.
[Brennan screaming]
No!
- [Murph] So slow.
- He takes out a huge
Android and says, "Oh sh*t!"
and starts noticing all these messages.
- You have a keyboard on that phone?
- Yes, it goes on a wire into my pocket,
which I've carved into my body.
- Okay.
- That's kinda cool.
- Android users are weird.
Let's go!
- All of you rush out overhead.
You see, as you approach,
there is a dump truck
that is lowering a forklift
underneath the dumpster.
- Stop!
- Banish it.
- I banish the forklift.
I use a spell slot.
- You banish the forklift
with the dump truck
to its plane of origin, which is Hell,
so it just sort of goes
bwoop for a minute,
and everyone goes, "Oh!
Oh no, we're here. We're where we belong."
- Stop!
- With a sudden roar,
[tense music]
fiery clouds rumble overhead,
and emerging from the
clouds, a horrifying shape.
In a roar of flame, in a blast of fire,
boom!
The dump truck is destroyed
as a massive dragon ship
pulls out of the sky.
[players oohing in recognition]
- Oh, oh gosh!
Fabian's too giddy,
and is just gonna try
and keep it together.
- You see, swinging around,
you see a crew of devil pirates.
[Brennan hollering enthusiasticallly]
You see, up on the deck,
Alistair Ash, the old tiefling, says,
"Hi there, everyone!
Good to see you again!"
- Hi, Alistair.
- Hi, Alistair.
- You see as it pulls around,
having destroyed the dump
truck, you see on a rope
hanging from the mizzenmast
over the side, rappelling,
you hear a massive [buzzing]
of a tattoo g*n with golden ink
as you see, pulling around,
your father points at you.
My darling boy!
- Papa!
- As he tattoos on Kalvaxus's a*s,
"My son is a maximum legend
at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy."
- Fabian cries.
- Kalvaxus goes, "Ow! It hurts!
It's so sensitive back there!"
As the ship pulls around,
all your books are safe.
You see they land. Bill Seacaster
leaps off the thing. Bam.
My darling boy!
- Papa!
- Big hug. I got your message.
I was in the middle of slashing
the brow of Asmodeus himself
before he could teleport
away from my blade,
the coward and the b*stard!
- I'm sorry, it was kinda
wandering too long anyway.
You know, I just needed
to know about Fig's
whole pride armor thing,
but we fixed that now.
- Oh yeah, we're good.
- Oh!
- We need to know where it's from.
- Oh.
- I Scrooge McDuck dive into
the dumpster of books. Yeehaw!
And I'd like to roll a Religion check.
- Give me a Religion check.
- Okay, great.
- I'll give them the Help action.
- Yeah, I'll Investigate too.
- That's so f*cking high.
- [Zac] Fabian, I think
you have hot seltzer.
- Oh, do I?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I opened another one-
- 25.
- ...when everyone
wasn't looking, you know?
I really wanted to taste it,
but I can't do the
screaming thing, you know?
- Oh, I cast Ray of Frost
on the refrigerator full of seltzers.
- Thank god!
- Give me one of those.
- This tastes like sh*t.
[Siobhan yelps in pain]
[can hissing]
- Now it's cold!
- It's so cold.
- Now they're just wet and lukewarm.
- Yeah, totally. It
didn't even get them cold.
- It just got them so wet.
- Hell, yes. So on a 25,
you are able to pull a series of scrolls
inscribed on the skin of philanderers,
stitched together with the
sinew of corrupt priests.
- Guys, these smell real
bad. Let's make this quick.
I start unrolling the skin.
- Ah! Yeah, just reading them like, ew.
- Get some pics and
then just put them back?
- Yeah, I would do anything to do that.
- That's a great, great idea.
- I put them all on my iPad.
Now I'm kinda looking
through them like this.
- You really wanna wash your hands,
and also wash your iPad.
- Oh, it's so wet now, and kinda slimy.
- You see very quickly that the
armor of sins were collected
by Gorthalax as basically
a testament to his hall.
- Right.
- Kind of a cool thing
for a pit fiend to have.
And on a 25 Religion check,
you discover that all of the
armors of pride were created
by different infernal deities,
different deities that presided
somewhere in the Nine Hells, right?
The one thing they all have in
common is that they were made
to punish a mortal
for the sin associated with the armor.
You are able to read that the mortal
that was punished with the
Armor of Pride originally
was an elf of Fallinel named Athenriel.
Anyone who would like to can
also use these same tomes
to make a History check.
- I would love to make a History check.
- I will as well.
- Boggy will go ahead and give
you the Help action there.
- Great.
- I'll do it.
- 20, not nat.
- I got a 22.
- [Murph] I got a 27.
- Yeah!
- Nice.
- On a 27, you begin to look through.
The armor passed through many generations
of the elves of Fallinel.
The armor had allowed them
to win countless battles,
but every battle that
they won further destroyed
the reputation and
happiness of their family.
It passed through five to
six generations of elves
before one elf was able
to finally break the thing
and give the armor away,
and an archdevil was willing to take it,
which is probably where Gorthalax got it.
But in giving it away, they
cursed their family forever.
The curse had existed in the
armor, and giving it away,
the curse moved from that,
and in the records it said
the curse continued patrilineally
from that point forward.
The curse, as it was described,
was made to punish hubris,
and you see at one point on
that, you got a 27 and a 25,
the curse is referred to
as the curse of humility,
curse of humiliation.
- So is it patrilineal
in that it only affects
the men of the family,
or is it patrilineal
in that only the men can pass it on?
- You remember a detail
of Gilear's life story,
which is that his younger
life was pretty normal,
and you remember Sandra Lynn
mentioning having known Gilear,
but it was prior to when
Gilear's father passed away.
- Got it. - You start to look
through the history and go,
"Oh, it's the passing away
of the oldest person-"
- [Emily] It makes it go.
- [Brennan] Next generation.
So you have your young life
before the curse gets passed to you.
- [Ally] But then how did it get to Fig?
- [Brennan] That remains a big question.
- Yes, and also Gilear is A, still alive,
and B, not biologically her father.
- Oh, yeah.
- Not biologically.
- But he is her dad.
- But I think we've formed
the kinda connection.
- Right, and it's a curse,
so it's not necessarily
obeying the rules of genetics.
- Curses are updating
themselves all the time.
- I mean, you were offered
power from this source, right?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
- So it's possible that because Gilear
didn't have any biological children-
- Yeah.
- ...that the curse is trying to survive.
- Yeah.
- Fig, you do remember some
words that were spoken to you
in that vision state
by the Armor of Pride,
where the Armor of Pride
said something like,
"It is not yours to take."
- So maybe, well, because remember,
Gilear did put on this
pride armor, though.
- On that connection,
you guys realize that Fig
has cracked it, because the curse became
a patrilineal family curse
when the armor was given away.
- Oh, right.
- By putting it back on-
- He re-took the curse.
- Got it.
- Or he maybe has confused it in some way,
and put it in a position where Fig-
'cause you remember feeling
in that original Night Yorb fight,
you felt the presence of the curse.
You were able to
pull it onto yourself in exchange
for a great burst of magic
to defeat the Night Yorb.
But being able to pull it onto yourself,
that may have more to do with the fact
that the curse was in a compromised state
because Gilear put the armor back on.
And you're an archdevil.
A regular kid of Gilear's may
not have had any connection
to the curse, any
connection to anything else.
- It was forged in Hell.
- And you kind of have ownership over
both the armor and the curse.
- Yeah, okay.
- It's like a weird confluence of events,
'cause it's Gorthalax's
armor, Gilear's curse.
- The armor's not here
anymore though, right?
- It is. All the armors
of sin are still here.
- Can we look at them all?
- Yeah.
- Wanna try them all on?
Wait, there's six left!
- They're cool now, right?
- There's six left, right?
- I actually might take a nap,
'cause to be honest, I only
have one 7th level spell.
- I'm gonna go hang out with my papa.
- I might just need
to take four hours of trancing
to get back spell slots.
- I wanna go check out the armor for sure.
- You see that Bill Seacaster says,
"It's so nice to be with
you young folks again.
You're out here, here you are,
solving mysteries, breaking curses.
How are things going up
there in the world above?"
- You know?
- So good.
- Got this as*h*le that's
trying to win president over me.
- k*ll them!
- I know. I'm this close.
- I hate her so much.
Also, we put tartar sauce in your pool.
- You put tartar sauce
in the swimming pool?
- Yes, we-
- Lit it on fire.
- Shrimp jump.
- And then I,
but I'll be honest, it was Fig,
did a really sick flip into
the fiery tartar sauce.
- Disguised as Kristen Applebees.
- Why tartar sauce?
- It's a shrimp jump.
- [Siobhan] It was the shrimp jump.
- Oh yeah, it was a shrimp jump.
- [Siobhan] The Hangman
was dressed as a shrimp.
- Oh, all right, a shrimp jump.
- And then everybody
buttered themselves up,
and also shrimp jumped.
- We should definitely stay on this,
and the buttery ramp, which
I still don't understand.
- Oh!
- But there was a god that kinda-
- [Murph] Yes! Yes, yes, yes.
- Oh, yes!
- Yes, can I also ask you about,
there was something in your basement
that somebody messed with it,
and it's called a Cloud Rider.
- Cloud Rider.
- Do you know what that is?
- To be honest, as soon
as I got to Solace,
I just told my man Mr.
Hughes, your banker-
- Yes, he calls me sometimes.
- I grabbed him by the
f*cking scrotum and I said,
you get me as many magic
engines as you can!
And then I slapped his
teeth out of his mouth.
- Am I supposed to do that with him?
- Well, otherwise,
he'll walk all over you.
He's a banker. They're the
scum of the f*cking earth.
They're thieves, and I'm a pirate.
- It's been added to the agenda.
- I can't wait to watch you
try this for the first time.
A tentative grab towards-
- Hey, come here.
- Hey.
- Get over here.
Hey, where are you going?
- [Siobhan] Hey, can you stand
up from behind your desk?
- Stop moving backwards!
- [Brennan] A word of
advice, my darling boy.
- Yes?
- Get your stance wide,
'cause you're gonna have
to come in horizontal,
'cause think about the dip
of the arm getting the nuts,
getting the jewels in your hand,
but you've got to have enough wingspan-
- Kristen's writing all of this down.
- [Brennan] ...to come
across and get the teeth!
- Now, do you do anything,
'cause I feel like
there's gonna be a whole five seconds
where I'm getting in position,
what are you saying during that moment
to kinda keep him off guard?
- You have your man.
- Uh-huh.
- Put a flintlock to his head.
- Okay, cool.
- And you say, stand
still while I try this!
- The Ball?
- No!
- The Ball!
- Stand still while I try this?
- I'll do it!
- She'll do it!
- Okay, great.
- Do you have a flintlock p*stol?
- I can Minor Illusion-
- You do now!
[players shouting excitedly]
[p*stol fires]
- Jesus!
- [cackles] Everyone draw steel!
- Can I get one?
- What's that?
- Can I have a g*n?
- He tosses you a g*n.
- Jesus!
- He says, "Alistair,
get g*ns for the kids!"
- I miss you, Papa.
- I miss you, too.
- Kristen's standing there with her staff.
- He says, "All right, well,
it seems like some of you
need to go speak to some
haunted armor of some kind.
The rest, you'll come up and cut a caper
and have a drink on the Goldenrod."
- Yes!
- I'll go with you.
- Yeah, I mean, I feel like
this is my location, or my-
- Let's go investigate the armor!
- Okay, we have to investigate the armor.
- We don't have to, we get to!
- You see Bill looks at you and says,
"You don't want to investigate
the armor, do you?"
- We bring the armor with us.
- No.
- You want to have grog
and dance a merry caper.
- I wanna have grog and
I wanna talk to you about
being a warlock and what you
make your, what agreements-
- Well, it's very
simple. See, by the time-
- What's the agreement that you make?
- ...all of your sub-warlocks
are hiring other warlocks,
you're making spell slots.
- But they have to make an
agreement with you, though.
What's the agreement
that you make them make?
- Oh, it's a very simple agreement.
See, all these other
fiends and archdevils,
they're always bargaining for your soul,
bargaining for your soul.
The people that make deals for their soul,
their souls are not worth that much.
- Uh-huh.
- So I just charge them gold.
Cash on the barrelhead.
- Right, okay.
- I'm the richest devil there's ever been.
And then what you do is if
they're using spell slots
and they're not meeting their minimums,
they're not meeting their quotas,
then there's a clause at the end
that you suck their soul
to the ship and they become
a damned crew member
forever on the Goldenrod
as I fight my w*r against
the Devil himself.
But, you know, that's
only if they f*ck up!
- Okay, I write all this down,
and I'm gonna turn this
in as my assignment.
- Are you just trying to
make an agreement for-
- Yeah, I was just curious
how you word your agreements.
- Are you just trying to cheat at school?
- He's gonna love that.
- Kind of, yeah.
- Let's cheat at school! I'll
write you a fake agreement.
If you give me 40 gold pieces,
I'll write you a fake agreement.
- I don't think I have 40 gold pieces.
- I can front you 40 gold pieces.
- Will you front me?
- As long as you point a
flintlock at the head of my banker
when I go to grab his-
[p*stol firing]
- Jesus Christ! Ah!
- You're hitting all the seltzer!
[Lou and Ally yelping]
[cans hissing]
- Now that's my favorite flintlock.
It's got like 40 chambers.
- Incredible!
- It hits automatically.
- They're never that fast!
- So yeah, he's like,
"All right, 40 gold."
- It's your money that you left me.
- Listen, I'm proud.
I worked hard that you might
have your way carved out,
but not enough that you don't need
to make a name for yourself.
- Yes, it's pretty annoying,
and I'm adding more nemeses
that we're gonna have to, if I end up-
- Oh yeah.
- Ooh, how many are you up to?
- Two.
- All right. Wait, who are the two?
- One's my girlfriend.
- Your girlfriend's his nemesis?
Now that's the kind of maximum legend sh*t
I'm talking about!
- There it is! There it is!
- Ooh, that's great, that's great.
- It's not bad, yeah.
- That's really good.
- Uh-huh, yeah, I think
the font is called Roboto.
- That looks really raw. Do
you need some saran wrap?
- Well, I just keep,
I've been going in a lot
of saunas and things.
- Hell, it's bad. New
tattoos in Hell, it's bad.
- He got hit by a lot
of grapefruit seltzer.
- Yeah, I've had to go in
for a lot of touch ups.
- You should get it outlined in gold!
- Ooh!
- Do you want a real gold tattoo, m'boy?
- Yes. Would you tattoo me, Papa?
- Lie down.
- Okay.
- A thing he was using to tattoo a ship,
which is a shoulder mounted tattoo g*n.
Stay perfectly still, me boy!
[Lou babbling frantically]
- [Murph] I don't know if
you need to do a neck one!
- I'm holding Fabian's arms down.
- We'll do it right
now. Strike up the band!
- I'm prepared with a 6th level Heal.
- Just do, like, a foot tattoo!
- You see that he takes a chest of gold
from one of these pirates nearby
who's just holding a chest
full of gold, takes it,
opens it up and [roars]
breathes flame into it,
melts it, pours the molten
gold into a cartridge
in this cast iron tattoo harpoon.
[Lou sobbing]
Give me a Constitution
saving throw to not pass out.
- Okay.
- DC 17.
- I help you.
- Okay.
- I give you Resistance.
- Just holding your hand.
- Yeah, I'm holding your temples.
- I'm making it worse,
'cause I keep making
eye contact with you
and looking so nervous.
- So you tell me, is that disadvantage?
- Yeah, I would like to
give you disadvantage.
- Yeah, great.
- He gets this flat.
- That's only a 12.
- Only a 12? Okay.
- You can add a d4 to that.
- Oh, I can add a d4?
- DC 17.
- There's no way.
- Just go for it.
- I'll give you a Bardic.
- Go for it? Okay, go for it.
- Take a Bardic.
- So that's two.
- So where are you at?
- I'm at 14.
- Okay.
- Now I have a Bardic.
That's an eight.
- Yes! There we go!
- There we go.
- So because of my...
Riz is not helping.
[Murph cringing]
But everyone else.
[Murph cringing]
- You're sick as f*ck!
- Stop. Stop, The Ball.
- You're so good! It looks so good!
- Can I do it?
- Riz, are you gonna pass out?
- Yeah, Riz passes out.
- Fig's little hands get at it.
- So this gold is pumped into your neck.
You have a solid gold tattoo
that says Maximum Legend.
- My neck is so heavy.
- Fabian Seacaster, this tattoo
counts as a magical tattoo.
- Okay.
- You are immune
to any curses attached to
gold, including Dragon Madness.
- Okay, there it is.
- What?
- [Brennan] You can steal
cursed gold and be fine.
- Okay.
- Sick!
- Oh wow.
- Can I get one too?
- You see he says, "Weggs,
come over here for a moment."
And you see this guy comes over
and he says, "Take your shirt off,"
and you see he begins to
tattoo gold into his back.
And he says, "Whereforeupon
the archdevil Figueroth Faeth
of the Bottomless Pit has
asked for an agreement
between infernal entities that
her magic may reign supreme
here in Avernus, first
layer of the Nine Hells.
We see fit that for the
cost of 40 gold pieces,
this alliance shall have been made.
Let this infernal contract be stood upon
as a warlock agreement
of the first order."
And then he goes, "Hyah!"
and just f*cking takes a cat o' nine tails
and whips the back off of
his pirate crew member,
takes the bloody flap of
skin, and hands it to you.
- Thank you.
- Kristen throws up.
- [Emily] Could we photocopy this?
- There's a scanner onboard the Goldenrod.
- Okay, 'cause I don't wanna turn this in.
- You can take a... [gags]
You can take a picture of it with my iPad.
- Why are you all crying and vomiting?
- We could laminate it, or, I don't know.
- Yeah, I think-
- It's written in lovely gold ink.
- Just, the skin is so thick.
It goes so much thicker down than you-
- Well, you do it fast.
- Can you do stitches?
Do you know how to do stitches?
Can we just stitch this back on-
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't do any heals, I just
kinda start hand-sewing.
- He goes... [wincing] My name's Weggs.
- All right, we've got
three in. Don't worry.
[Brennan wincing]
- So, anyone staying with
Bill is just gonna have
more of this sh*t happen fast and crazy.
Is anyone going to go see the armor?
Okay, bing bing bing bing.
- Yeah, I can go see the armor.
- If it's just me and you, I'll
probably go with the armor.
- That's okay.
- I'm not gonna third wheel your dad hang.
- No, I mean, you can hang out.
- Nah, it's okay.
- But you do see he says,
"This Cloud Rider engine,
what's the nature of it?"
This is as you all head off
to the Bottomless Pit, yeah.
- That person that we were
talking about earlier,
Kipperlilly Copperkettle, she keeps trying
to get us all to do drugs
and then get in trouble,
so I ended up murdering the principal.
- That's what I'm talking about!
- But it was in this attempt
to make mischief around us,
and so while they were doing that,
they damaged one of the Cloud
Rider engines in the basement,
and they tried to make it
look like Adaine had done it.
We think. We can't prove it.
- Was there any other
vandalism done at the place?
- Maybe not by them.
- h* h* h* h* h* h*!
- That's my guy.
- Nice. What vandalism did you do?
- I didn't really do any.
I helped clean up.
There was butter all over this ramp.
- Oh, a nice buttered
ramp. There you have it.
- Can I ask what you would
do with a buttered ramp?
- Well, you have to butter it.
- Do you?
- Think about it.
- I am.
- What's the purpose of a ramp?
- Well, to fly off of it.
- I think you get that
ramp nice and buttery,
and then everything's just gonna take off.
- There it is.
- How about this?
You throw me up an unbuttered ramp,
and then I'll throw
you up a buttered ramp,
and we'll see who goes farther.
- Do it, Gorgug.
- This isn't exactly
what I'm talking about,
because one involves...
You know what, let's do it.
- Lads, get the butter!
Cool, the rest of you head
down to the Bottomless Pit.
You walk into the Hall of Sin.
This used to be a very
haunted, dark sort of place.
Now you see that there are
a number of small sofas,
there's a ficus plant in a corner,
and there's a bunch of plaques of records
that all just have pictures
of Wretchrot in them,
of his albums that have gone
double and triple platinum.
- sh*t.
- Wait, really?
- He's famous down here?
- I guess so.
- You should get him to feature
on one of your sophomore album songs.
- Yes!
- Yeah.
Yeah. Wretchrot?
- Mistress?
- I guess I'll just throw on his music,
just to see what it's like.
- Oh, great.
Yeah, let's listen to it.
- Yeah.
♪ Baby Baby, Baby Baby Baby Baby ♪
[rock music]
- Let's listen to a
different one. I turn it.
♪ Baby, Baby Baby Baby Baby ♪
♪ A little Baby, little Baby ♪
- Wait, this is the same song.
Wait, hold on. Let's try a third one.
- Hey everybody, my name is Baby.
- Oh, this is a weird, like-
- Oh god, he has skits!
- Oh no, there are some
skits! Next one, next one!
- It's making me do a dance.
- Next one!
- Gotta do that dance to this music.
♪ Everybody move your torso ♪
♪ Keep your head perfectly still ♪
♪ Move your torso, head still ♪
- So this is for weddings.
- Oh, I get it. That's great.
Yeah, this is for weddings.
I wonder if he has a
voicemail from his grandma
in one of these.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Hey there, girl. Thinking
about you right now.
Hope everything's good. I'm
down here in the Bottomless Pit.
Made of blood. Scorpion tail.
Round little body, shaking around.
- What?
- Think about you every night.
- Baby, who are you dating?
- Baby, who is this one sent out to?
- What's that? Oh, it's just,
you know, we just thought...
It's the concept of the
song, Mistress. [giggles]
- You don't actually
have someone up there?
- You don't have a baby?
- I've always dreamed of
having a baby of my own.
- Oh.
- To eat?
- [shrieking] Maybe!
- That's what I thought.
- You know, I'm made from
the blood of an archdevil.
That's hard to come by, so.
- Oh.
- Oh, you want me to make you a baby?
I'll give it a shot.
- Oh wow, this is some Adam and Eve sh*t.
- Your blood pools out,
and you see another imp
kind of appears and goes... [giggling]
- Oh, hi!
- Baby Baby.
- Welcome to the world.
- Is that my name? Baby Baby?
- Oh, it's Baby Baby and Baby!
- Baby says, "Hello, Baby Baby. I'm Baby."
"Hello, Baby! I'm Baby Baby!"
- I'm reading the contents of the seltzers
that we've been drinking, 'cause I'm like,
there has to be liquor in these.
- There has to be. We are drunk.
And you see Baby holds
Baby Baby's hand and says,
"We're going to go somewhere
private and try to make
our bodies occupy the same
exact physical space."
- Okay!
- Oh my god!
I've really made Hell.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You guys head off.
You're just in this
record label waiting room
looking at all the various Armors of Sin,
which are all still here.
- So I'll do an Investigation check,
check them out.
- [Brennan] Yeah.
- [Emily] I'll give you the Help action.
- [Ally] I'll do Arcana as well.
Or can I do Religion?
- [Brennan] Yeah, do Religion.
- 29.
- [Siobhan] That's better.
- 21.
- 24 Arcana.
- Yes!
- [Brennan] All right, 24, 29.
you find all the Armors
of Sin are still here.
You see the golden Armor
of Pride with the halberd.
There are elements of it that are aping
certain elven stylistic choices.
It is very golden and gleaming,
almost like a high eleven mage-knight
would wear it or something like that.
But on that very high Investigation roll,
there's something about it
that does feel fundamentally infernal,
but maybe there's some other aspect to it.
- Like a summer eladrin or something?
- [Ally] Can I do a Religion?
- Kind of like
a summer eladrin, a little bit.
- So maybe some kind of
archfey thing or something.
- It's that feeling of how,
in "Lord of the Rings",
Sauron made rings for everybody else
and mimicked the style.
- Yeah.
- So it's this thing of, ooh,
there's a summer eladrin
thing to this, in a way.
- Are there other seasons
associated with the other armor?
- Not off the top of your head.
The Armor of Lust is sort
of like a gimp suit, right?
It has that leather-
- Hot.
- Yeah.
- Ah, winter.
- [Brennan] Winter. [laughs]
- We think that Ankarna is
maybe associated with summer.
- Yes. Yes, we definitely do.
- What'd you get on your
Religion and your Arcana?
- I got a 24 Arcana.
- 24 Arcana.
- 21.
- 21.
I think you both look at this.
Every one of these
pieces of armor was made
by a deity associated
with the infernal realms.
Do any of you cast Detect Magic?
- Yeah, I'll cast Detect Magic on it.
- Yeah, same.
- Maybe one of you do Good and Evil.
- Yeah, I'll do Detect Good and Evil.
- So you get the Gregorian Necktie going.
As you go, all of you witness
the same non-rune rune
that you saw on the sternums
of Yolanda and Lucy.
But as Riz looks at it, the
Gregorian Necktie goes [beeping]
moves out, and the name
Ankarna appears
in sort of spectral, ethereal space
as the arcane mark of this armor.
The Armor of Pride was crafted
for the mortal elf Athenriel by Ankarna.
This armor was made by the god.
Anyone who wants to, give me one more
Investigation or History
here, and I think you can also
consult the scrolls and
books that you have.
- I'll give you the Help action.
- Can I have the Help action from Boggy?
- Sure.
- Two eights. An 18.
- 23.
- I think you hear a little [beeping]
on your Gregorian Necktie as
the name Ankarna is registered,
and you hear from your Arcadian
Watch, you hear a little,
"Coming in for Agent Gukgak Junior.
This is Agent Gukgak Senior, checking in."
- This is he.
- You see a little
celestial hologram appears
over your wristwatch, and you
see a beautiful green field,
and you see your father
Pok looking at you.
Hey, kiddo. How's it going, bud?
- Riz is clearly super excited,
but stays so professional
and secret agent.
Good to see you,
Father slash Senior Agent Gukgak.
What's your status?
- All good.
We're reading your location as Avernus,
the first layer of the Nine Hells.
Didn't have any mission
briefing of you going there,
and we just registered an infernal deity
on our internal system for the first time
in probably, like, a thousand years.
- A thousand years?
- Internal system?
- We keep track of which
infernal deities are present.
You see he looks around and says,
"By the way, hi, g*ng.
Good to see you, Fig."
- Hey, Pok.
- Hi, Mr. Gukgak.
- Good to see you, Dad. Love you.
- Hey, love you, son.
Are you guys all safe at
Fig's place right now?
- Yeah. I got a g*n.
- [concerned sigh]
[Ally perfectly mimics
Pok's concerned sigh]
All right.
- He doesn't know how to respond to that.
- I mean, I guess I'd
be a hypocrite, right?
- You gave your son a g*n.
- My son has a g*n.
- Yeah, that's true.
- So I guess, yeah.
It's my g*n, so, you
know, I don't wanna...
Double edged sword? Okay.
- Yeah, when you call it an
arquebus, it seems less weird.
- You see he looks and says,
"Any of those neckties reads anything,
it gets beamed back up to us here,
and we kind of flag, you
know, infernal deities.
Happens a lot.
You know, if people are running around,
Asmodeus, that guy's name is
everywhere all over the place,
so that just gets logged.
But we got a ping for a name
that hasn't come up in a long, long time."
- Yeah, so I think I disclose
to my dad what's going on,
the stuff with Ankarna.
- Okay.
- And us accidentally, kinda,
probably summoning them,
maybe, and this armor
and sorta this situation.
- [Brennan] Okay. Well, listen, g*ng.
We're happy to lend a hand
if there's any reconnaissance
or intel you're looking for.
- Yeah, we're wondering what led,
I guess, to their corruption.
- You see that he walks over.
He starts speaking to, there's a desk
in the middle of this
beautiful, heavenly field
that's being projected
in this little hologram.
He walks over and begins
to piece it together.
He walks over to a
gnoll woman in a blazer.
There's a minotaur working there.
They're sorta both speaking to each other.
And you see he walks over and says,
"Can we pull up anything on Athenriel
vis a vis dead deity?"
You see that one of them
says, "Obliviati Mori."
And he says, "They discovered
the name fair and square.
They discovered it archeologically."
They go and look for it, and
you see he comes over and says,
"Okay, Athenriel. Not listed as a
follower of Ankarna.
Athenriel is... [sighs]
Athenriel is one of the
most ancient elves we have
on file here. Soul not
located in the upper planes.
Maybe somewhere in the lower planes,
but he's not in our database.
I'm looking right here.
He predates the Court of Stars,"
which is the f*cking
government of Fallinel.
- Right.
- So he's from way-
- Yeah, just so long ago.
- It says here he was a druid,
and built many of the
great menhirs and dolmens
and standing stones of Fallinel.
- He probably built that thing.
- And then was just gifted
the armor as a thank you
for building something
for the wedding, probably?
- Did he have any kids? Is
there records of his kids?
- Yeah, absolutely,
absolutely. He has a family.
- Do we have a family tree,
and does it lead to Gilear?
- Yeah. Well, first of all, I should say,
his line leads in a lot of ways.
He's so many generations
back that his descendants,
you know, it spreads out.
- Sure. It's broad.
- It's broad.
However, he has a much smaller number
of purely patrilineal descendants.
- Uh-huh.
- [Brennan] One of which is Gilear Faeth.
- Wow.
- I knew he was the chosen one.
- [Murph] He kind of is.
- Can you give us the
names of the other ones?
I'd be interested to see
if the curse passed down
every patrilineal line,
or if it just picked one.
- Are you aware of any
parameters on the curse
that might help us narrow the
search or narrow the focus?
- All we know is that it's
something to do with pride,
and it's patrilineal,
and when the father dies,
it's passed on to the son.
- Yogurt.
- And there's a lemon yogurt aspect, vibe.
- There's a keyword space.
I can put Yogurt in there.
- Yeah.
- [Murph] Put yogurt in.
- Yogurt curse.
- I'd say citrus yogurt.
- I believe it's only been on the line
since Gorthalax got the armor, right?
Because once it was put away-
- Right, yes.
- That's when it started-
- It was connected to the armor,
which would mean that it
was connected to the armor,
it would only go down one line.
- If it was a primogenitive curse,
meaning it went to the oldest-
- Sure.
- The oldest child only,
Gilear would still fall into it.
In terms of being elder
sons that are alive
at the time that their
predecessor passes away.
- Also, we saw Kalina,
and she was in sort of a different form.
We don't know whether
or not we can trust her.
She seemed maybe differently motivated.
And she said Ragh Barkrock
has some part in this for some reason.
- And then she said, "It's
the only name I can say."
- And we're wondering if that's maybe tied
into the Spy's Tongue Curse.
- Has she ever said
that name before? Yeah.
- What's your connection
between Spy's Tongue Curse and Kalina?
- Well, that she had
the Spy's Tongue Curse
with an unknown number of people.
- [Brennan] Okay.
- In a complicated way
that would only allow her-
- Right.
- ...to reference Ragh?
I don't know why.
- I don't know how she
could be in a conspiracy
with literally everybody in
the world except for Ragh.
- And Ragh, I know you
would've told us this,
but have you entered into any agreements?
- No, no no no.
You see Pok goes,
"Well, Ragh wouldn't be able to tell you
if he had. That's number one."
- Oh yeah.
- Can I do Detect Magic on Ragh?
- Yeah, go for it.
- Great.
- [Brennan] You don't detect anything,
any magical presence on him.
- Kinda normal.
- You see Pok goes,
"In a world with people
detecting thoughts and reading minds
and all this other stuff like
that, you need, you know,
people that do dirty work
have diviners and oracles
to worry about, so you've
got to take magical means
to kinda protect yourself.
Think about the people that
Kalina had that curse with
as being nodes at the center
of a sphere of silence, of obscurity.
Lots of things she can't mention, right?
So what you end up doing sometimes
if you're trying to get around
that or work around that
is you give somebody something
just outside the circle.
Think about the boundary
around information
that can't be shared.
- So Ragh's a clue.
- So if I couldn't say your
name, could I say Riz's name?
- But they probably
would've thought of Riz
and put it in the contract,
so you have to think even
one rung outside of it,
so maybe it's the god, Bakur-
- So it could be Lydia.
- ...Lydia, Ragh, and they
just didn't know about Ragh,
or he wasn't born yet
when they signed the Spy's Tongue Curse.
- Were you at a meeting with Kalina
where you were able to sit
down and really talk it out?
- Not in any way.
- We were in a food court.
- And then also a haunted house.
- Yeah, that was maybe not really a house.
It was a mythical sort of
briefcase universe house.
- Yeah.
- So it might have been
something where that's
the thread on the sweater,
and it's the best chance
she could give you.
- Okay.
- Is there anything you
want me to be running down
for you kids while you're doing this?
- Yeah, if you can find
out if there's any nature
between the armor becoming cursed
and the god being corrupted?
If there was, I don't know,
a previous form of Ankarna or something,
and then maybe if there's
anything to this idea
that maybe Athenriel is Bakur.
- Pok says, "All right,
I'll jump on that, kiddo,
and I'm looking that up..."
- That's a bad face.
- Or a good one?
- He got locked out of his email.
- He just looks up.
You guys are exiting the Bottomless Pit,
so you're coming back up to the Goldenrod,
and you see Pok looks up
from his watch and says,
"I just looked up other...
Do you know what a divine
domain is, or a divine realm?"
- You mean like the Ethereal
Plane and the Astral Plane?
- Yeah, like the Ethereal
Plane and the Astral Plane.
Gods exist in those spaces,
but those spaces belong to
the concepts of those planes.
The Plane of Fire doesn't
belong to every god of fire.
Instead, there are divine
realms within those places
where the gods are sacrosanct.
Ankarna is associated with the Nine Hells.
I just looked up, some gods
will have more than one
divine realm if they're
incredibly powerful.
I looked up, how many divine
realms does Ankarna have?
Listed, none at the
moment, which makes sense,
because she's dead.
- Sure.
- But how many? I know that
there's none that are active.
Associated with the Nine Hells.
There are multiple divine realms,
and the file is corrupted.
The file doesn't have the
information within our database.
- When we saw the stuff about the wedding,
we got the sense that Sol
was the one who maybe officiated it.
Is it possible he
tricked them into signing
an infernal contract to
get them out of the way
so that he could be the god of the sun?
- Oh.
- Hmm.
- Pok looks around, and he
leans in a little bit and goes,
"We do important work here
at the Lower Planar
Reconnaissance Task Force.
We work for various
celestial bureaucracies,
and we interface a lot with gods.
Gods are some of our greatest allies
in maintaining the celestial order.
But I will also say, as
someone that works with
the souls of mortals who
have passed here like myself,
with other celestials,
with beings of the upper and lower planes,
and with divinities,
deities, even incredibly goodhearted ones,
you know, they play a different game."
And here, you guys kind of
think about those contracts
about becoming archfey or becoming a fiend
or becoming something else.
"So even when they are
engaged in a good battle
or helping with a good cause,
they've always got to keep
an eye on what they are,
their deityhood, their divine realms.
Sol is a very powerful, important figure
within the upper planes,
but I will say that
my experience with deities is,
one of the things they least like to do
is collaborate with other
deities that share their domain."
- Yeah, 'cause it splits the followers
and would make them weaker.
- Right.
- You see as he walks out,
Bill Seacaster turns over,
there's a huge buttered ramp
and a huge unbuttered ramp.
- Gorgug, we're not missing anything!
All right?
- I don't know.
♪ Lather up the boy, lather up the boy ♪
- Do I wanna go far or not?
- [Brennan] You wanna go far!
- [Ally] You got this, Gorgug!
And I cast Guidance.
- He shot puts you-
- I cast True Strike on Gorgug.
- Am I rolling?
- I think Bill's rolling. Give
me a Dexterity saving throw.
- Okay.
- You're The Ball, dude!
- I am not!
[dice rolling]
That's a 14. Plus Guidance?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You could get this up, right?
- Four!
- Yeah! 18!
- All of you watch Bill
take a bunch of steps back.
Bill, who's now 14 feet tall,
he's got a third massive, muscular arm
growing out of his back,
grabs Gorgug and says,
"Stepping up, young Bill
Seacaster of the Celestine Sea.
[Lou mimics a crowd roaring]
Here we go!"
Does three huge barrel roll hops
and [grunts] discus hurls Gorgug.
- [Ally] Gorgug!
[Zac screaming]
- Gorgug hits the ramp,
disappears into the sky.
- Oh. Good throw, sir.
- Aboard the ship! After Thistlespring!
- Okay, okay!
- Takes off.
As you're sailing into
the sky after Gorgug,
who's cresting into low orbit-
- My goggles are cracking.
- ...you see there's a moment where Bill
turns over and says, "Oi, is that Gukgak?"
And you see Pok turns around and says,
"Captain Seacaster, pleasure to see you."
He's like, "We still having that call
at the end of the month?
I have a lot of secrets
I'd be happy to sell ya."
And you see Pok says, "I
think we would absolutely love
to do business, Captain Seacaster."
Pok goes and says, "You got
everything you need, kiddo?"
- Yes. All right, Agent Senior Gukgak.
- Will you ask your
dad, though, real quick,
is it unsafe
if we keep saying this name, Ankarna?
- Yeah, now that the god...
Now that we said it the one time,
is it okay to just keep saying the name?
- Yeah, is it a Night Yorb situation?
- You see that Pok says,
"You're probably okay.
If any of you start to believe
in or worship the deity,
that's a very different story."
- [Siobhan] Not my vibe at all.
- But saying the name should be fine.
- Okay, so that's a bad thing.
- Kristen, you can't. You
can't switch gods again.
- Look, it's a new year.
No no no, I'm deeply-
- I was thinking,
because I've got a track list
here for my sophomore album
and I could name one of them Ankarna,
but I don't know if that's
bad or if it's helpful.
- What if you were to make
Cassandra one of them?
- I had Cassandra,
and then I was like,
maybe I'll switch it to-
- Would it be possible
to un-corrupt someone,
through song?
- Is it possible to rock so hard-
- Riz puts on Wretchrot's album.
♪ Baby Baby Baby ♪
- I just love it. It really just hits me.
- Not this one. It's
one of the skits, Dad.
It's really funny.
[fist knocking]
- Baby Baby, Baby Baby.
- Oh, it's Baby Baby and Baby.
- They released that album fast.
- Your dad signs off after saying goodbye,
and you see Captain
Seacaster looks and says,
"Ah, splendid, the lot of ya. Now, ooh!"
You see he takes the helm, moves over,
and comes right under
Gorgug, who lands on the-
[Zac screams]
[body thuds]
- What did we prove?
- Ah, f*ck it.
- I was gonna throw you!
- Well, you know, you could try.
- I don't want to anymore.
- Well, you all have g*ns.
You've all come to Hell.
[g*ns firing]
[Siobhan making g*n noises]
That's right! [mimics g*nf*re]
Do you have a way of getting
back, young Miss Abernant?
- Yeah, it involves me
taking a four hour nap.
Is that okay? Do you have
a place where I can just-
- Of course.
- Or, I mean, if you can,
by way of giving me a
little 7th level spell slot.
I don't know if you have
a way of doing that.
- Oh, I have Plane Shift too.
- Oh, you do?
- Yeah, let's go.
- Wait! Bye, Dad!
- Wait! I need to stay!
- My darling boy!
- Wait, do you not actually have it?
- I do have Plane Shift,
I do, but I wasn't saying,
I wasn't actually, we can
tie up our loose ends.
We can say bye to Baby Baby and Baby.
- Is it funnier that the
loose ends don't get tied up?
- Yeah, we're gone. We're sh**ting out.
- What the f*ck, Kristen?
- My darling boy!
- I grab my staff and go, it's too late!
- Grabbing your ankles.
- And all of you vanish.
- Back to Fallinel? Is
that where we're going?
- Yes, I think you all appear in the room.
Parents leap on you.
People are crying and
hugging as you are once again
back in Kei Lumennura,
and you see Hallariel.
Fabian, darling!
- Oh, Mama.
- And Wilma. "Oh, Gorgug!"
You see Gilear is looking
and says, "Figueroth."
- Does your life suck again?
- What?
- We broke the curse, so
your life can suck again.
- I hand him a full
yogurt with spoon in it.
Eat it.
- Just as you would normally eat it.
- [Ally] Just eat it.
- G'ow!
- Oh wow.
- It's different!
- Oh wow. Oh wow!
- New flavor!
- I don't recall it being that-
- Wow, lemon yogurt right in the eye.
- It's burning so badly.
I can't believe I've missed my mouth.
- By, like, a lot.
- Let me go in the medicine cabinet.
- Here's a gold piece. Catch!
- Gah! I'm blind!
Gold and lemon.
- I pull out a seltzer from Hell and just-
[can hissing]
[Brennan screams]
That should wash it out.
- You see as his face
scalds, he looks and says,
"I am happy."
- Aw!
- He goes and hugs Fig.
My life makes sense once more.
It is too many blessings to
ask for, to have good luck
in addition to the most
wonderful daughter in the world.
- Thanks, Dad.
Can I look at Hallariel and see
if this means she's gonna leave him?
- You see Hallariel looks and says,
"I was into him before
he was un-cursed, so."
- Good taste. Okay, I hug my dad.
- [Brennan] You see that-
- And maybe we get a... [laughs]
- Stop.
f*cking stop.
- Maybe we can expect a little
bundle of joy on the way!
- You see Gilear and
Hallariel hold hands and say,
"We have some exciting news."
- No you don't. No you f*cking don't.
Plane Shift me back.
Somebody, chronomancy!
Which one of you knows chronomancy?
- I could punch you in the head.
- Yeah, do that!
[fist thuds]
[Lou grunting]
What time is it?
- Gilear goes, "Yes.
Badly burnt in and around the face
and blind in both eyes from
a gold piece and lemon.
I can say this. A curse
is a state of mind.
Though my luck may have been
returned to its former state,
you can never get me down,
because I love my life,
and I love my daughter,
and I love this woman, Hallariel,
and I love-"
- Your son?
- You can leave me out. It's fine.
- Say Fabian!
- My son.
My darling stepson,
Fabian.
- Oh god!
- I punch Fabian in the face.
- [grunts] Thank you.
- I captured this all on the Yak Bak.
This is gonna be one of my skits.
- That's it? That's all-
- The voicemail that you open
the song with? That's so sick!
- I'm just wondering how
we get it off the Yak Bak.
I could work on some sort
of technology for that.
- Yeah.
- And I just want to say-
- Wait, that's it, Gilear,
right? No more news?
- [Zac] There's not,
like, a USB port on it?
- Nope.
- Oh, thank god.
- Because it hasn't been three months yet?
- [Ally] Sometimes people
don't wanna announce too early.
- You see Hallariel goes, "Shh."
- Elven Oracle.
- No, don't f*cking do that. Change it!
Use a Divination roll
and f*cking change it!
- Use a Divination roll on insemination?
Give me an insemination check.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Oh my god.
- I'm gonna sneak into his room tonight
and give him a vasectomy, straight-up.
- Fandrangor!
- So exact.
- You see Ragh runs over
and is hugging his mom, Lydia,
who's catching her breath.
Lydia looks up and says,
"What the f*ck happened?"
- Are you okay?
- Are you okay?
- I'm okay now, but I...
You know, I mean, Bakur's not stupid.
There's only so many
times you rattle the bars
before you give up.
He made one of the
hardest attacks to get out
that he has in a long, long time, and I-
- Did it feel like he was stronger?
- Yeah, yeah. It was hard.
- Have you ever spoken to him
and used the name Athenriel?
I guess the answer is that
you definitely haven't,
'cause why would you?
- But you could try.
- Have you considered trying?
- You know what's crazy?
- What?
- I had a list of a hundred made up names
that I went and said to him one time
when I was still talking to him,
and he said, what's this about?
And I said,
Bafflemore.
Kraz.
And I just sort of went
through these names.
- That is pretty crazy.
- Yeah.
- And Athenriel wasn't one of them?
- Athenriel was not one of
them, so that's the problem.
- Yeah, 100 out of all the possible names,
it sounds like a lot,
but it's not that many,
'cause there's so many names.
- I could've spent more time on it.
- We were wondering if you would be down
for us to try to do that-
- Yeah, we have, look, long story short,
I got a lot of power that
I can spend on one thing,
and it's kinda burning
a hole in my pocket.
- Yeah, we were talking about maybe
doing that ritual with you and trying
to speak to Bakur while keeping you safe.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- Or yeah, can we even remove this curse?
- Maybe even removing
the curse, removing the-
- [Brennan] Well listen,
you had a wild time.
- Yeah.
- Why don't you grab some Zs?
Tomorrow's the Moonar
Yulenear, and then you can-
- Something that's
happening on the Moonar-
- Did Tracker make it out?
- She looks and says, "I was
waiting for you to come back."
You see she gets on a crystal
and calls and puts it on speaker,
and you see Tracker says,
"Hello? Are you guys there?"
- Yes. Hi, Tracker!
- Yes, we're here.
- Hi.
- Are you okay? Hi!
- We are so sorry.
- What? Who's this talking?
- This is Kristen.
- What?
- Oh, wait.
- Wanda Childa. Keep going.
- Listen, this is a bad time for bits.
You thought we were actually dead.
- I did. Okay, but what the f*ck was that?
You see she says, "Listen."
You see a sort of twilight thing opens.
She appears in Kei Lumennura.
- Okay.
- I think she comes
with Nara and one or two
other people from Wolfsong,
just looks around.
You see Telemaine says,
"Welcome, Tracker of
Solace, to Kei Lumennura.
You have made it be snowy.
Strange."
And he floats out of the room.
- Oh, that was-
- Floats?
- So he can say Tracker fine.
- He floats?
- I guess-
- He's levitating.
- ...now they live in the same continent.
- Is the Moonar Luneyear-
- Put in the work.
- Is that the shortest day of the year?
- Yes.
- What?
- That's interesting.
- What does that mean?
- You think that this
is the time when the sun
has the least power.
- Yeah.
- Tracker, was anyone
else hurt or anything,
or was it just really a
concentrated attack on that area?
- No one else was hurt.
We got Zayn back to Kei
Lumennura, so Zayn's there.
The seven of you all
vanished into the briefcase,
and Aelwyn got the hell out of there,
but once we got out of there,
we saw the area that had been digging
and saw that sort of strange rune
that I didn't really recognize.
Galicaea's energy threw
me out of the circle
because there was something there
that she thought was dangerous.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- And it had to do with that armor.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- We think that Cassandra,
Galicaea's sister,
was married to someone named Ankarna.
We think that deity has been corrupted,
and is trying to take Cassandra
back into her corrupted
Nightmare King form
and is trying to come
back. And we think that
Ankarna's right hand person
is who's stuck in Lydia's gem.
- Okay, so yeah, you
said the name of a god
that had been since forgotten.
- I said, I'm so sorry.
I just got really, just into
the moment of discovery.
- If you're near something written in-
- I thought it was the right thing to do.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Yeah.
- If you're near something
written in an ancient stone
and you've just translated it,
you kinda have to whisper it.
- [Siobhan] I just was so excited.
- I probably wouldn't have done it.
- [Brennan] Yeah, you
kinda have to whisper.
- I definitely would've done it.
- I would've had the self-restraint.
- I mean, sometimes-
- But that's just me.
- That's good to know. That's
where I sit on the spectrum.
- That's what I'm saying. I
probably wouldn't have done it.
- Oh yes, see? Me and Gorgug, same type.
- Huh, yeah, probably 'cause
you can't read other languages.
- Oh!
- I'm just, like, really
good at languages,
so you probably couldn't even read it.
- [Brennan] Gorthalax says,
"This is all about the Armor of Pride."
- Yeah, we're kind of
thinking that it might have
at one point been a good
gift rather than a curse,
a blessing rather than a curse.
- We think it was given to the
person who made those runes
a long time ago, pre-everything.
- Pre-Sol.
- Gilear's ancestor.
- You see he looks at all of you and says,
"You all said the name.
That means I'm not covered
by Obliviati Mori right now."
[Siobhan gasps]
- [Murph] Right.
- Tell us what you know!
- Oh my god.
- Okay, the one thing I know about Ankarna
was that she was like me. So
she didn't start infernal.
She fell.
- Okay.
- Oh, okay.
- But I don't know what her
deal was before she fell.
I only met her when she
was already infernal.
What I remember is that in
addition to rage and fire,
she was specifically
a goddess of conquest.
Her right hand was Bakur.
I knew Bakur for a little
bit, but he was not like me.
He didn't used to be a celestial.
I didn't know him before we fell.
So either he was turned into a
pit fiend from something else
or was created from scratch
or something like that.
But there's a loop with deities, right?
Deities give direction, purpose,
and all this stuff to
their followers, right?
But you saw it with Cassandra.
Her sister's religion was
taking off and hers diminished
until she faded away and became something
other than a deity,
became the Nightmare King.
Oh, I remember she warped
one of her artifacts.
She used to have a set of
scales that were changed into,
I think, some kind of warhammer
or something like that.
- She took justice and turned it into w*r?
Was conquest her corrupted
state? Is it possible that she-
- That's the crazy thing, kid.
She took artifacts from other
pit fiends about conquest
and studied about that domain.
You know how weird it is for a
god to study up on something?
And there was a conversation
I remember having with Bakur,
back when he was running
around in Avernus.
He said something along
the lines of, like,
she is a mistress to her people.
And I remember that being
a weird thing at the time.
Look, I'll just say it.
Gods cast themselves
in the roles of the people
leading the orchestra.
If your musicians all leave
and you stop being a conductor
and the musicians all tell you
what song they wanna
play, what would you do?
- So she was taking requests.
- Like a DJ taking requests.
That's the impression I
got from talking to Bakur.
- So maybe the giants or
whoever was worshiping her
went from sort of a more pastoral life to-
- Or her chosen one started
to morph her a little bit.
- Yeah.
- Telling her what the people wanted.
Did she talk about being married?
- I remember one of the
gods of the lower levels
one time made a pass, and
she sort of sneered at him,
and he said, "Oh what,
you're still married?"
And she almost destroyed him.
Flew into a rage and almost k*lled him.
She seemed really touchy
about her relationship status.
- Can I ask you, I don't
know if you've ever
talked about this before,
and if we have, sorry,
and if it's a sensitive subject, sorry.
How did you fall?
[Brennan sighs heavily]
- So, it's different with
fiends and celestials
because we're bureaucrats.
You know, we're functionaries.
We're here to do a job.
And a god rises in popularity, they fall,
the new god comes in, but
it's the same celestials
out here making people wrathful
or making people hopeful
or whatever it is you're gonna kinda do.
I ended up falling because, you know,
I ended up becoming a devil of gluttony
because the virtue that
I used to manifest,
which was temperance, I just
sort of stopped believing
that that was necessarily a good thing.
If gods have their times
where they rise and fall,
which is almost like the face.
If the paint job on the car is the gods,
and the engine is all the celestials
that are working for them underneath,
sometimes it's like the
paint job needs to be redone,
and a god rises or falls.
And then sometimes it's like
something in the engine breaks.
You go, this thing that
I thought was a virtue
for a thousand thousand years,
I kinda wake up one day and
go, this is f*ck' bullshit.
Sklonda says, "Let's go ahead
and get you guys rested up.
I can see that you're partially injured.
Let's get you-"
- Yes.
- You see that you guys have
a big night in Kei Lumennura
where you're all tucked in, and you guys,
I think, see snow falling outside.
You see even before she heads back,
Tracker comes over to you, Kristen,
and just goes, "Hey, if you need any help
figuring all this stuff out, let me know."
- I definitely would.
I would love it if maybe next
time you talked to Galicaea,
if you could find out what
Ankarna's original domain was.
- I'll talk to her.
Now that I have her name,
Galicaea will be able to talk to me.
- Find out anything you can, please. Yeah.
- Heads up.
It's nice that we've broken
through Obliviati Mori.
The name being known
again is one step closer
to followers and belief.
- Sure.
- [Brennan] So I'm just
saying, be careful.
- 'Cause none of us are
about to believe in it,
but if we keep spreading
it, someone's gonna.
Especially if it's conquest! f*ck!
- Don't tell Craig about it. Don't tell.
He is so impressionable.
- Who knows right now? Just us?
- But I feel like Cassandra is
the balance to this.
So if we can just keep-
- Definitely.
- ...kind of pumping Cassandra out there.
- Well, I think if she had an
original domain that seems...
That isn't conquest, and she was only
kind of pressured into
it for follower count.
And then I look at Tracker,
and then I look back.
Then I think, you know, maybe
it would benefit everyone,
including her, to go to
her original, true domain.
But until then...
Is Neandriel with us?
- Yeah.
- Oh, okay.
- Yes?
- I didn't say anything.
You said something.
- Okay, everyone have a lovely night.
- I grab Tracker.
- You grab Tracker.
- I turn into Kristen.
- I grab Naradriel and say,
I would love to ask you some questions
about the Court of Stars,
'cause you probably grew
up so close to there.
And I just pull her away.
- [Brennan] You see she
looks at you and says,
"Oh, my daddy's on the Court of Stars."
- Is he?
- Would you like to go and speak with him?
- Yes, I would love that.
- You see Aelwyn says,
"Do you want me to come?"
- [Siobhan] Aren't you wanted?
- I am wanted. sh*t, wait a minute.
You see she does something and she says,
"I'm...
Roma Childa."
- I swear to f*cking god, you
keep my bit out of your mouth!
- What the hell? I
thought we were bonding!
Fine!
- No, I'm kidding.
- You see Aelwyn comes
with you in disguise.
- Great.
- So big, long rest.
Aelwyn, Nara, and Adaine go
quickly to the Court of Stars
before you have that rest.
- Great.
- In the Court of Stars,
you see beautiful red and gold light.
You see that on top of a
massive glass flower
that is filled with starlight
that swims like liquid
throughout this glass flower,
in an ancient, vaulted dome of
pure indigo-purple energy,
three immortal elven dancers,
translucent and made of light,
dance with only long sheets
flowing around them
diaphanously, and you see-
- Are you paid?
[Brennan singing angelically]
Okay, I'm gonna take that as a no.
- You walk through and you see
that shrouded in deep fabric,
there are eight figures, perfectly still,
holding swords with the points down,
hands connected to the pommel,
long blond hair that trails all the way
to just barely touch the
top of their elven boots.
- So do you just stand here like this,
or did you hear that we were
coming and get in place?
You just stand here like this.
- The Court of Stars has
stood in a circle of eight
for a thousand thousand years.
- Wow, that's...
That's long.
- We, immortal, monitor
the comings and goings
of the elven folk here
on the isle of Fallinel,
deliberating on matters of elvendom,
standing perfectly erect,
never sitting, never walking.
- I'm not gonna say it.
- You may ask. I know a
question has crossed your mind.
- No, I-
- Ask your question.
- It feels inappropriate. Erect?
No, I'm not gonna...
You don't need to...
- A b*ner has not come
to the Court of Stars
in an age of dragons.
- Wow, that's sad.
Or, you know, well, whatever
floats your boat, man. Look.
I don't really have any other
way to say this except, like,
I'm on strike, so do
with that what you will.
I just thought I would
come and say it in person.
I can't do this job. I
don't want it. I'm busy.
- Nara looks over at you.
Go ahead and give me a Persuasion check,
and Aelwyn will give you
the Help action here.
- Hmm.
Well, actually...
Hang on, I get disadvantage
on Persuasion because of my...
So I'll reroll.
- Yeah, roll straight.
- And I actually rolled
much better that time.
- Hey!
- Which feels like cheating.
- It's good.
- I got a 19.
- They look at you, completely neutral,
and you see that Nara is very
moved by what you have said.
She looks and says, "Daddy,
Adaine is an adventurer.
She has come here from the land of Solace.
They are solving a mystery,
and they are helping the world,
and I think that it would
be wise for us to see
that her duties as Elven
Oracle do not distract
from matters that
threaten all of elvendom."
- Yeah, it's just like, you
know, I don't have any money,
and I don't have access
to my money 'cause my mum
is just being chased around
the woods by a van with hands.
- A what?
- Honestly, it's a fair question.
It's a van with hands instead of wheels.
- Instead of wheels? That
was not what I was picturing.
- Yeah, it's instead of wheels,
and it just crawls around on its...
Honestly, it's pretty slow,
'cause it doesn't have any
elbows, it's just the hand.
- This is why we never leave this room.
The horrors of the world outside.
- Right, but don't you
think that leaving this room
would maybe make you a
little bit more relatable,
understand how the world outside works?
- If I want to know something relatable,
I will ask the Elven Oracle
to explain some relatable things.
- So, essentially what you want from me
is to be a youth translator.
- If this youth will-
- Nobody's saying on fleek
anymore. Does that help?
- So to describe the state of
my eyebrows, you would say?
- I don't think there's a new word
for the state of anybody's-
- So we have lost fleek.
- I mean, I guess you could-
- And there is no heir.
- I guess you could use it in an ironic,
sort of stupid, your eyes look on fleek,
like your eyebrows look like
they're from five years ago.
- A great-
- Like, on fleek!
In like a, you're making
fun of an old person
using young person language.
- A great darkness has befallen the realm
at the loss of fleek.
- Right, so anyway, I just kinda don't...
I just don't see a way
of me doing the job,
'cause I'm working at this ice
cream place, I've got school.
- So you have declared w*r
on the Council of Stars.
- No, that's...
What? Is that what you heard?
- You see that-
- I said I'm busy.
I have a job at an ice cream place.
- Nara turns to you and says,
"Are you saying you
don't want to be oracle,
or just that you can't be oracle?"
- Well, it's just like, people
keep on showing up at my job
and not buying any ice cream
and asking me about, like,
answers that I honestly
don't have the answer to.
Surely elves should know
how the Elven Oracle-
- If we were to destroy
your job, would that-
- No.
No, sorry.
- For what purpose have
you acquired this job?
- Well, I have to buy
For school.
- You see Nara goes,
"Daddy, we have 10 barrels of diamonds."
You see he says, "We shall give
you 10 barrels of diamonds,
and you shall be Elven Oracle once more."
- Okay, well, I mean, there's also...
Look, there's a lot of,
like, troglodyte ba*ls,
and a bunch of eggs and other things.
But it's also just like,
should I get paid?
Don't you get paid?
- Why would we be paid?
- For doing the job that you do.
It's a voluntary position
to just stand here
for a thousand upon a thousand years?
- We have all we need and shall never die.
Why would we be paid?
- To eat?
- Hmm.
- How do you eat?
- People bring stuff.
- Oh, okay.
Well, if people could bring stuff to me
that meant that I didn't
have any needs or wants,
then I guess I would keep
on being Elven Oracle.
- The Council shall confer.
You hear wind, chimes.
Hair blows, cloaks flutter.
In one month's time
shall a council of seven
elven lawyers be sent.
- For me? To who?
- You have engaged in
this foreign law business.
You will acquire an attorney,
and we shall negotiate a
contract for your labor.
- You're telling me that
I need to get a lawyer
when I have a job at an ice cream shop?
- Or, if you wish,
you may engage in a competitive dance
with one of the immortal
elven dancers outside.
- May I nominate a champion?
- If you wish to create your
contract in a dance competition
with one of the immortal
elven dancers outside,
you are welcome to do so.
- Great, I'll do that.
- Wonderful.
- As long as I have a champion to do it.
I don't wanna dance,
but I know somebody
who's really good at it.
- Champion accepted.
- Great, great. I text Fabian.
- We shall send the dancer
to you in one month's time.
- You wanna get in a dance competition,
like a "Step It Up 2: The
Streets" type situation?
- Fabian's quietly in
Hallariel and Gilear's room.
- Beep beep!
- f*cking sh*t! sh*t!
sh*t! [hyperventilating]
- Fabian?
- Never mind!
"Step Up 2: The Streets"? I mean, sure.
- The next morning, you all awaken.
Lydia addresses you and says,
"All right, if you got it
covered, let's go for it."
- All right.
- All right, what do we wanna ask?
- What do we wanna do?
We wanna take the gem out of her chest,
and then seal it using
the power from the curse?
- Could we talk to Bakur with, like,
use the power to channel it and then-
- I have Contact Other Plane.
Can I use that to talk to Bakur?
- Yeah, if you wanna
use Contact Other Plane,
you can just set up something
to get a viewing screen
for all of you into the gem.
- I think that's the safest way to do it.
- With this spell, we get five questions
that are like yes/no type questions.
- You see inside a gem
surrounded by darkness.
- I try to look as strong as possible.
- I do technically have to roll
a DC 15 Intelligence check
or go insane.
- I give you Guidance.
- [Emily & Lou] Bardic Inspiration.
- Great.
- Here we go.
- Two Bardics!
- I'll use my Portent.
- I can cast Enhance Ability.
- I can do Flash of Genius.
- I'll use my lower Portent,
so it's a 15 exactly.
- Okay, you manage to
contact within the gem.
The eye on the hilt of your sword,
both of your eyes in real life glow white,
and you look in, and
you see inside the gem,
a roiling pit fiend.
Looks similar to Gorthalax,
but you see tall, tall, tall, spiny.
[heavy breathing]
- 'Sup?
- 'Sup!
- Don't ask him!
- That's too many questions!
- That's two!
- Stop!
- No, no, no, no, no!
- That is three of your five-
- No, no, that was only
two! It was only two!
- Only two!
- It was two! They said it twice!
- Was that three?
- We're only allowed to ask-
- No! Stop, stop, stop, stop!
[players shouting chaotically]
Okay, now that's three!
- Well, they-
- Everyone stop!
- No, no, no!
- Everyone stop talking except
for Adaine! And maybe me!
- Oh please, The Ball.
- Were you Athenriel?
[heavy breathing]
- This soul once belonged
to the being of the world of Spyre
known as Athenriel.
- Ask what Ankara was
before she was conquest.
- [Murph] Yeah, that's
number one, I think.
Just in case we only have two questions.
- 'Sup?
- What goddess-
- 'Sup, period.
- ...was Ankarna of before she became
the goddess of conquest?
- Badly burning his face,
tears of acid pour out of his body
and leave deep, bloody rivulets
down the side of his cheek.
- Is he hearing her name for
the first time in a long time?
- A great golden dawn over mountains.
A beautiful chariot pulling the sun.
She was tall and glorious,
goddess of giants.
Her sister was the light of her life,
a goddess of sorrow and of winter,
and their dance throughout the seasons,
the bitter and quiet hope of winter
and the loud and joyful
blaring of trumpets
in the golden days of summer.
Hers was the domain
of the coming of long days of plenty.
Hers was the coming of
the light of the sun,
of clarity, discernment,
judgment, justice.
A goddess, she was, of righteousness,
and of the clarity and conviction to act
with all the burning fury of the sun,
that those who would
wrong her or her sister
would not be allowed to let
their wickedness spread.
- Maybe we ask, was Sol the one who-
- Was Sol involved in her corruption?
- When you say Sol, do you mean the god,
or his mortal instruments?
I'm going to need you to
make a Charisma saving throw.
- You still have two Bardics.
[ominous music throughout]
- What'd you get? What'd you get?
- 14.
- Flash of Genius, give you three.
- What is Flash of Genius?
- Adds three to it.
- 17.
- 17 is the saving throw.
[players sighing in relief]
- Nice one, Gorgug!
- You feel yourself move in this moment,
and you can see the thing
Lydia warned you about,
of the, "I can't talk to him," right?
You see he begins to say, "Who wields who?
The sword wields its wielder
as the wielder wields the sword.
Do you not understand?"
You see that your sword
begins glowing with the curse,
and you can see Lydia goes,
"Kids, I'm not feeling really good."
- Okay, I close it down.
- She grabs the arms of her wheelchair.
[Brennan snarling]
[Brennan roaring furiously]
And you see that she pounds
the table in front of her.
Cracks run through the
table. Telemaine says,
[concerned monotone] "My table!"
You see that she goes... [growling]
I'm gonna roll for her
in front of the board.
- Can I hand her Boggy to calm her down?
- Bardic Insipration.
- Hell, yeah.
She's rolling a Charisma saving throw.
That's a 10.
Your Bardic's a d8?
- d8.
- Also a Bardic from me.
- Okay.
Awesome, 21. Okay.
- Nice.
- You see she holds onto it.
As you are closing that,
is there anything you
want to use that for now,
or do you want to leave
the situation as it is?
- Can you ask him one last
question, or do you think it'll-
- Anything you do past this
is gonna cost the curse on the sword.
- Do we wanna remove the
gem from Lydia Barkrock?
- I think that's just gonna lead
to him be able to get out.
- Lydia, do you want the gem gone?
- Do you have a way?
- We might.
- You see Ragh is openly weeping.
If you could help my mom-
- Should we do this in the right order,
or should we do this now?
- It's a powerful magic that you know
is particularly aligned at stopping Bakur.
It's like the curse from the armor
that is connected to Athenriel
and connected to the wedding,
connected to all this other stuff.
So I think you know,
whatever you wanna do,
if you want to carve the
gem out and use the curse
to bind the gem, I think
someone suggested that before.
- Yeah.
- Even just sealing the gem
would allow Lydia to remove it normally,
to go get it medically removed.
- Let's do it.
- Great, let's do it.
- And let's put it in Gilear.
- Sorry?
- We're gonna put it in his ba*ls.
- This is kind of your
great-great-great-granddad.
- I use my sword to pry this gem out.
- [Murph] We'll talk about it later.
- You touch the sword to
the gem. The gem flashes.
All of you see this pit
fiend is projected out
as the gem expands in light.
The gold pierces his chest,
sort of wild, red, burning blood,
and suddenly you see that the gold,
like the liquid gold from the tattoo g*n,
begins to spread over his
skin like a liquid covering.
- You got a little yogurt on you.
- No! No, I...
You see the pit fiend face splits,
and you see a high elven
face within, saying,
"Not yogurt! No, cultured dairy!
Not again! No!" [screaming]
You see the armor spreads and covers him.
He looks a lot like Gilear.
- Gorgug can't look.
- The armor spreads and encases,
and you see that actually,
the back of the gem,
emerging from Lydia's chest,
the cracks and crevices that
are in this scar tissue,
a little bit of blood, not
a lot, just a bit of blood
pours out of her chest, and you see gold.
So the gem is not even
touching her flesh anymore.
It's like liquid gold
has sealed, congealed,
and hardened, covering
the base of the gem,
the rocky base of the gem in her chest.
- Maybe since it's connected to gold,
and now you're immune to gold things,
maybe Fabian should take care of it.
- And I can heal you.
- All right. Yeah, I can do this.
- Kind of one two.
- Yeah, let's-
- [as Hallariel] Fabian, do some surgery!
- Yes, all right.
- I get really into it.
- [Siobhan] For the first time today,
Fabian does surgery.
- I put gloves on.
I stand next to you like this.
- All right, here we go.
- Riz looks nervously. [cringing]
- Can I have...
Scalpel? Thank you.
- You actually don't have to hold your...
- Higher?
- Yeah, higher.
- Go ahead and give me a Medicine check.
- Great. Can I have the
Help action from Kristen?
- Bardic.
- Yeah, I can do Medicine too,
if I'm the one kinda doing the Medicine.
- No! No, don't.
- I have the plus 10.
- I have a plus four,
and this is kinda my
thing, Kristen, you know?
- Okay, we're gonna give Fabian
a first crack at this.
- Great, thank you.
- [Brennan] Fabian, it's
a DC 20 Medicine check.
- And you have a Bardic.
- I have a Bardic.
- Scalpel!
[Siobhan cackling]
- Double nat ones.
- He rolled two ones.
- Fabian, you k*ll Lydia Barkrock.
- No, no, no!
[Murph screams]
- No!
- What?
- Spare the Dying!
- I give him 13.
- What's that?
- I give him a 13.
- [Brennan] You give him a 13, okay.
- I have Spare the Dying,
though. I have Spare the Dying.
- Okay, you give him 13, so
you don't k*ll Lydia Barkrock,
but she goes, "What the
f*ck are you doing?"
- Sorry!
- What the f*ck are you doing?
- I body slam Fabian, and
then I do a Medicine check.
- Okay, you do a Medicine
check. Go ahead and roll.
- Why is everyone attacking
me? You told me to do surgery!
- Nat 20.
- Oh my god!
- Thank god!
- Okay, Kristen.
You perfectly heal her body,
and you watch as her body,
like a splinter, pushes,
and the crystal falls, and Fabian,
you can catch the crystal
right in the air as it falls.
- I'm sorry I punched you in the head.
- No, it's fine. I did
something, you know?
- Yeah.
- Ow.
- [Murph] You k*lled Lydia Barkrock.
- All of you watch as Lydia just goes,
[heavy sigh]
I can calm... [snoring]
- Can I give Lydia a deep
tissue Swedish massage?
- Ragh is crying. He's just like,
"Thank you so much! Thank you so much!"
Yeah, you give her a deep tissue.
Talk about some knots!
- Yeah.
- Talk about some knots, Lydia Barkrock.
- Hey, hey!
- Kei Lumennura's a spa anyway,
so you see Telemaine is like,
"Lydia may remain for
as long as she wishes."
- So sick. I put cucumbers over her eyes.
[Brennan snoring]
I just replace each
cucumber that she eats.
- I'm just chopping.
- Chopping cucumbers.
- My sous chef. Thank you.
- You've healed Lydia
Barkrock's gem curse,
and you see that-
- Yes!
- Go ahead and write in your
inventory, Bakur's Soul Gem.
- Yeah, I'll hold onto Bakur's Soul Gem.
- Don't offer it to someone to be cool.
- Yeah.
- Try to seduce someone
and give them the gem.
- Who has the highest passive Perception?
- Oh, Riz.
- 'Cause that's probably
who should hold onto that.
- Well, I don't know.
- Mine's 20 right now, actually.
- I feel like I can hold cursed gold.
I mean, it's the reason you all asked me
to do the surgery in the first place.
- True!
- What've you guys got?
- I've got a 17 passive.
- Do you have Magic Mouth?
You could put a Magic Mouth spell on it
so that if anyone touches
it, then it says something.
- I don't have Magic Mouth, but- oh, wait!
But I do have Nystul's Magic Aura,
which I will absolutely cast on it
so divination spells reveal
false information about it.
It's one action, and
it lasts for 24 hours,
so I'll just keep doing that every day.
- Hell, yeah. What kind of
aura do you wanna put on it?
- It just looks like one
of the empty palimpsests
that we had in the first season.
- Perfect, absolutely. Great.
And I think with that,
you guys have made a
enormous advancement forward
and have healed a dear ally and friend
of a terrible curse.
- Happy to do it.
- I punch Fabian.
[Emily cackling]
- The man has one eye.
- Fig was looking at her phone
and didn't see what happened,
so she just assumes you did it.
- [Brennan] Your guys' winter
vacation comes to an end,
and you return to Elmville.
- [Zac] I need a vacation
from my vacation.
- [Siobhan] Tell me about it.
- [Lou] You're telling me!
- [Siobhan] We didn't
get a summer vacation.
- [Murph] You should do standup.
- [Zac] Really?
- [Siobhan] We didn't
get a winter vacation.
- Gorgug, you should
join the standup club.
- Yeah, Gorgug!
- Yes!
- I do standup club but-
- What I would love to do,
if we can, is speedrun
some downtime real quick.
- Great.
- Let's do it.
Cracks knuckles.
- Let's do it.
- When's that dance off?
- The dance off is in a month.
- Okay, great.
- If you wanna say
the dance off happens as a school project,
I'll let you include the dance off
in your bard academic track,
if you'd like.
- Sure.
- Fabian, let's kick it off with you.
- Great. Popularity.
- Let's go.
- Not any of the dice that I just rolled.
- That one's blessed.
- That one is blessed. [whimpers]
What do I use? Performance?
- Performance.
- 18.
- 18, okay.
So popularity, people
are not Charmed by you,
but you have the advantage
on the first Charisma check
you make when you meet a new NPC.
- Cool.
Next, we'll do bard class.
- And you have advantage
on any track check
from your popularity as well.
It's another advantage you get.
- Got it, so I'll use that here.
- Cool, so this is bard class.
You're rolling Performance
again. DC 10 for a D.
[dice rolling]
- That's gonna be a 23.
- A+ in bard class!
Terpsichore's got you all there.
Mazey is hooting and hollering
and clapping her hands
as an immortal elven dancer
gets absolutely schooled,
and a representative of
the Council of Stars says,
"This dance off constitutes
a binding contract
in which from this moment henceforth
shall the Elven Oracle of
Fallinel be a paid position."
- I would also like to say that Fabian
is the champion of the Elven Oracle
for any further future dance offs,
and he also gets a paid stipend.
- What? Yeah, yeah.
- Fabian, you become known
as the Oracle of Dance,
a sub-oracle of the Elven Oracle.
- Can I run by Adaine's divination class
and see if they've marked
off that prediction
about me becoming the
greatest dancer in the world,
if it's come true yet?
- Bing!
- Yes.
- [Brennan] Maximum legend!
- [Siobhan] Maximum legend.
- [Brennan] Incredible. Adaine?
- Great, I go to Basrar's and
give my two weeks' notice.
- He goes, "Oh, I'm so
sorry to hear that. I hope-"
- No, I love working here
and I think you're great.
I just am so busy with school,
and there's this mystery.
- It is absolutely right.
It's absolutely right.
- All this stuff.
- You see he smiles and says, "Well."
- Maybe over the summer. Is that okay?
- He says, "That sounds wonderful to me."
And you see that he creates
a little whale-shaped
ice cream cake that says congratulations.
- Aw, a little Fudgie just for me!
- [Zac] Whale?
- I don't tell any of my
friends about it. I just eat it.
I create a freezer in my room.
- You get a text from Aelwyn saying,
"Why do I feel like you
have a Fudgie right now?"
- f*ck! I'm supposed to be the Oracle!
How does she always know? Okay, come over!
- Amazing.
As long as you put the Elven Oracle track
somewhere in your track check,
even if you don't succeed,
you will be at well off.
So you can go ahead and roll 2d10 GP.
Fabian, any more tracks from you?
- Yeah, we'll do Owlbears next.
- Let's go for it.
[die rolling]
- That's gonna be a 27.
- 27, k*lling it on the Owlbears field.
- This'll be fighter class.
- Hell, yeah. DC 20.
- That's a, which...
Athletics? That'll be a-
- Mm-hmm, or Acrobatics.
- If you let me use Acrobatics,
we're getting nasty.
- Okay.
- That'll be a 32.
- Oh my god! Wait a minute, 32?
'Cause you rolled advantage on-
- Yes, 18 plus 14.
- Wow.
- 32?
- Nice.
- Jesus Christ, Fabian.
- Nice!
- Nice.
- A+, wow.
- And then-
- You wanna save Lydia Barkrock?
- Go and k*ll her in
the middle of the night.
- I'd like me and Fig to go to KVX.
- Oh yeah!
- Yes, okay. Incredible.
- Do you want me to come?
- Yes.
- Is this a job check?
Are you doing a job?
- [Lou] Yeah, can we do a job check?
- Go ahead. The DC is 25.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] This is
Intimidation, absolutely.
- I'm definitely Intimidating as well.
- Okay, you can go ahead and give me
an Intimidation roll as well.
We'll take the higher of the two.
- I personally got a 29.
- Jesus!
- Oh, sorry, a 28.
- I got
a 22.
- A 28 and a 22.
Your DC is 25,
so you guys burst into
the corporate headquarters
in Bastion City of KVX.
You walk up, you see Alston Hughes go-
- I'm in a suit.
- I'm also in a suit.
But it's way too big.
Shoulders are out here.
- He's like, "Mr. Seacaster,
and famous rock star Fig Faeth, hi."
- In positions, in positions. Sir?
- Mm-hmm?
[Emily mimics g*n swooshing]
Okay, ill*gal.
[Lou grunts]
Your hands go right through an illusion,
and he goes, "Fool me once."
- You son of a b*tch!
- Fool me once.
- I cast Locate Creature on the real guy.
- You see he goes, "Listen."
- He's in the cupboard.
- Oh sh*t, sh*t! You guys get in there.
- He's too tight! I can't get in!
- He's smacking your hand
away. Don't, don't do it!
- Get his teeth! Get his teeth!
- We'll be back, as*h*le.
- He hits a button, a little
artificer's thing on his suit,
and a chastity belt
shoots around his groin.
- f*ck!
- Your father slapped my two front teeth
out of my head, and I had to get implants.
- Yeah, and I'm gonna get the other four!
- God.
I know your father would be really proud.
I know he'd be really proud. All right.
- Anyway, have a great day.
- There is a clause in the contract
your father signed for the trust
that any time you physically
find and threaten me,
I can give you a 200 gold piece advance.
- Great. All right, cool, awesome.
Well, we'll be back.
- All right, I'll wire you
the advance and, you know,
it'll be there at the end of the week.
- Hey, thank you.
- Ah, it'll be there tomorrow.
- [Siobhan] Can I open a bank account?
- All right, wow!
How did you get a g*n in here?
[Ally barking]
All right, Fabian, those
are your tracks. Hell, yeah.
Adaine, you were sort of starting yours,
and now you're at the well-off condition.
- Yeah, so I can finally
pass my academics.
- Without disadvantage.
- Without disadvantage!
- Without disadvantage.
So I'll start off with academics.
And that's a dirty 20.
- A+ wizard classes.
- Great.
- You show up with all the gear and kit
and everything like that.
The main thing you have is time
for actual research projects.
You've been keeping up
by spending every minute
finding workarounds, and now
you have time if you want
to f*cking research spells
or do other sh*t, cool.
- Absolutely, I do.
- Hell, yeah. Go for it.
- Yeah, I would love to learn Legend Lore.
- Go ahead, give me another,
you're starting at DC
For every three points above
another spell in your wizard spellbook
evenly spread throughout
your spell levels,
starting at the top.
- Great, I will use Boggy to
give me advantage on this.
- All right, this is the Boggy roll.
- This is the Boggy roll.
That's a 22.
- So you learn a 7th, 6th, 5th,
and 4th level wizard spell.
- Wow! So sick.
- Having the f*cking resources you need
to do the work you need to do,
you got tons of time just to
hit the library on your own.
- And you know I'm gonna
do a mystery track check.
- Let's do it!
- Yes.
- DC 15.
- You know what I wanna do,
is I will do Investigation.
So that only gives me an 18.
- Okay.
- But I wanna look into
the stuff that Aelwyn was talking about
with Kipperlilly Copperkettle.
- This is gonna happen at
the end of your downtime,
so it might not resolve in this episode.
You begin to pull strings
just through scrying and following stuff
with the food trucks that come to school.
You begin to track down physical locations
in Kipperlilly's network and think
you might be able to, over time-
- Great.
- ...run down some leads
about where her and the Rat Grinders live,
meet, get up to their
business, all that sh*t.
- Awesome, yeah, I would
love to know some places
that we could potentially scry on.
- On an 18, you are on the trail.
You've found their intermediary locations,
and know that all you need to do
is get someone at the right moment
where they're leaving one of these places
to go to headquarters.
- Sick.
And then I'll try and
do a relaxation check.
It's DC 20, right?
- This is DC 20, yeah.
- I make it.
- What did you roll?
- I rolled a 17 and I
have a plus 8 to Wisdom.
- [Brennan] So actually,
so sorry. 17 plus 8 is 25?
- Yeah.
- You can remove two stress tokens.
- Woo!
- Wow, look at that.
- I go to Fabian's nurse day.
- Oh my god, somebody came!
- This is really so nice.
- Yolanda, this is my friend Adaine.
- I know somebody who
used to be called Yolanda.
That's great.
- Oh wait, never mind. Scratch that.
Abigail! Do we have Abigails?
- Abigail's great!
You find out firsthand
the depths of the horrors
of capitalism, that your
life becomes immediately-
- Wow, this is wild.
I have 29 gold pieces.
Fabian makes 3,500 a week.
- And I'll make 200 more
if I can find this banker
and physically as*ault him.
- Look, listen.
- Yeah, tomorrow!
- If you wanna go 50/50,
I'll find this man for you every day.
- Great, you cast Locate,
and then me and Fig roll up, bop bop!
- [Brennan] You're getting
cut in on finding this guy!
- So funny.
- Incredible.
- I don't need money.
I get off on just seeing
the fear in his eyes.
- German Shepherd pride.
- So okay, that's Adaine.
Think about which ones you're taking off,
which stress tokens
you're kinda taking off.
- Oh, I don't remember
what the first one was.
- You can kinda mix and match.
So it's just two stress tokens
worth of stuff that you
gave disadvantage on-
- I mean yeah, honestly...
Oh, right, from here. Yes.
- 'Cause when you lose stress tokens,
the sh*t that they did to you goes away.
- Great, sick, so I'll do
it off my skill checks.
- So unbelievable that
you're this accomplished.
You're getting all
these spells researched,
and you get back to Mordred.
You and Aelwyn have Fudgie the
Whale there, and I think too,
at one point Jawbone comes
in and looks at you and says,
"Looking good, kid."
- Thanks, Jawbone.
I feel like haven't spoken to
you in, like, three months,
and I'm so sorry.
- He looks at you and goes, "Hey."
- Are you okay?
- He gives you a big, big hug.
He goes, "I can tell you were
having a really tough time."
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Were you having some
trouble with money stuff?
- Yeah, I just didn't wanna bother you.
But I fixed it. I sorted it out.
I actually feel really good
that I fixed it myself, you know?
- He looks down. You see
he sort of rubs his eyes.
[sighs] Fixing it yourself.
Yeah, that sounds like Adaine.
- And Basrar said he'd keep on giving me
my employee discount even though
I don't work there anymore,
so anytime you wanna go
get ice cream, it's on me.
- He smiles at you and
says, "While you're living
under this roof, ice
cream nights are on us.
I know that the house is
getting fixed up, but-"
- All right, well, you know,
it's nice for me to treat you sometimes.
- How about this? You park it in there.
I know you got books to
read and wizard stuff to do.
I'll go grab some ice
cream from Basrar's, okay?
- I hide the Fudgie the Whale
that just me and Aelwyn-
- Have been eating.
- I'm just covered in chocolate.
- You open the freezer in
Mordred and see a little portal
with Aelwyn's hand coming
through with a spoon.
- Hey!
- Ah!
b*tch, why?
Okay, that's Adaine.
Kristen, after Adaine's
track here, we'll go to you.
- Great.
- You arrive at cleric class
as you get back into classes,
walk in, and see a man
in a beautiful white suit,
a shock of white hair,
thick black eyebrows with
very, very white hair.
You see he looks around at the
clerics gathering and says,
"Followers of divinity,
a pleasure and honor
to assume the role of
your teacher and professor
here at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
My name is Bobby Dawn,
and let me just say,
today is the beginning
of a bright new day."
And that's all for this
episode of "Dimension 20".
Tune in next week as a new day begins.
See you at Basrar's.
- See you at Basrar's!
- Listen, I think we should call out
the elephant in the room.
I have feelings for you.
- Oh, yeah.
- But one of your closest
friends is my arch-nemesis.
[Emily laughing]
- Kind of Shakespearean in that way, huh?
- Very tragic.
We are, I am afraid, star-crossed.
- We're star-crossed.
- God, I love her so much!
I'm gonna steal your girl, Kristen!
- No!
Gertie is mine!
- Fabian, I don't really
care about Owlbears.
I'm sorry, I've just felt
this way for a long time.
- Wait, what do you mean you
don't care about Owlbears?
- I don't know if I ever did.
- You don't like all the
towel slapping we do?
You love getting towel slapped, Gorgug!
- There's a moment after every practice
where you do your helicopter
noise with the towel.
- [doing his helicopter
noise] And I find you. Yatta!
- And I'm hiding from you.
- Yes, I know!
That's the fun part! It's a game we play!
- I just don't know if I have
it in me to keep on the team.
- It's really nice how charmed everyone is
by how little you f*cking care.
[tense sustained note]
I guess egg on my face
for wanting something.
- What do you want?
- I want you to go f*ck yourself.
- Whoa! Relax!
- Security detail!
Security detail! Security detail!
- I smite Kipperlilly!
- Wow, Ms. Applebees.
I behold you weeping in my office.
Helio would welcome you with open arms.
I imagine you'll have a great deal
more time for worship now.
- Why is that?
- 'Cause you no longer attend
this school, Ms. Applebees.
Kristen has failed cleric
class and is being expelled.
- What?
- What?
- This is bullshit. This is bullshit.
- There's no grounds.
- There's no grounds, Jawbone!
- Riz!
- We don't need a groundskeeper,
'cause there's no grounds!
- Yeah, we're hemorrhaging money
on the groundskeeper, Jawbone!
- Well, your grades are all
so good that if you want,
you could take the Last Standard Exam.
It's an endurance test where
you are fighting monsters
while answering a series
of academic questions.
- Yes!
- I call fighting monsters.
Someone else do the academic questions.
- Yes!
Yes!
- So, fight heroically, stay
up for as long as possible,
and there will be a cleric on standby
to raise you after the exam is concluded.
- Wait, who's the cleric
gonna be on standby?
- Crazy that we go to this school
where we have to be worried
that the cleric teacher
won't bring us back from the dead.
♪ T-T-T-Taking over, teenage rebellion ♪
♪ No more fantasizing about it ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, let's go ♪
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21x13 - Infernal Conflict
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.