- [Brennan] A list of the topics, themes,
and subject matter
featured in this episode
has been included in
the video description.
[spooky music]
[spooky music continues]
[spooky music continues]
[spooky music continues]
Hello, one and all, and welcome back
to another thrilling season
of Dimension 20: Neverafter.
A brand new season of horror
and tales from beyond,
A brand new season of horror
and tales from beyond,
tales perhaps at once familiar
and yet strange beyond
the point of recognition.
What shadows now lurk in
the lands of the Neverafter?
We must now begin to discover.
I am your humble dungeon
master, Brennan Lee Mulligan.
With me, as always, are
our intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes.
- Hi, intrepid heroes!
[players giggling mischievously]
- Hee hee hee.
And that's the last time
there will be levity.
Folks, it's good. We're
back in the, sorry?
- Honestly, we're all scared.
- Levity.
- Ooh, levity.
A little feather.
- Leviosa, not Leviosa.
- There you go, root words,
and speaking of root words,
talk about some root tales.
- Not bad.
- Back in the dome, back
with Rick Perry Miniatures.
Shout out to the whole
team, to the amazing crew
of Dimension 20, another
brand new adventure.
We enter into a world of horror,
but a world where perhaps
some elements are familiar
from older tales that
perhaps have been told
in manners horrifying or not before,
but this tale begins anew in the telling,
and with that, there is
only one way to begin.
Once upon a time, in a
magical kingdom far away,
there lived a king and
queen who loved each other
as the night loves the
day and the sun the moon,
and they wished for nothing
more than a daughter,
and a day came to pass when
a new daughter was born
in this faraway kingdom, and
many fairies were invited
from the kingdom to come
and give their blessing.
Indeed, there were four great
fairies in this kingdom.
But only three were invited
to the birthday celebration
of the newborn princess.
The first fairy gave to the young princess
the gift of beauty, and the
second fairy the gift of grace,
but before the third
fairy could give her gift,
the fourth and wickedest fairy arrived.
Furious beyond repair or reproach
at the lack of invitation,
she cursed the young
princess that she would die
on her 18th birthday, pricking her finger
on the spindle of a spinning wheel,
disappearing with a cackle.
The third fairy, who had
not yet given her gift,
changed whatever the gift
would've been to soft the curse,
that the young princess would not die
on her 18th birthday, but instead,
would simply fall asleep for 100 years,
to be awoken by true love's first kiss.
And though the king and queen
burned every spinning wheel
and banished every spindle,
prophecies of this kind
cannon be avoided, and
indeed, on her 18th birthday,
the princess discovered
an old spinning woman
in the tall room of the
tall tower, spinning away,
and reaching a finger
out, pricked the spindle.
With a single drop of blood, fell asleep.
Not only did she fall asleep,
but the entire kingdom
fell into slumber with
her, surrounded by thorns,
protecting the princess from all harm
till she should be awoken
by true love's first kiss.
Siobhan.
You wake up.
You can't move.
It's hard to see. Light can't penetrate.
You know that you're horizontal, but,
you can't close your eyes.
You can't close your mouth.
You can feel that you're holding things,
holding them not with your hands.
In a twitch of movement,
there's sudden pain,
and you can feel a sharp tug
on the inside of your body.
Briars are growing out of your mouth,
[Zac groans]
growing out of your nostrils.
[Emily gasps]
You feel yourself partially lacerated
by the things that have
emerged from your sleeping form
and have filled the room here.
The ache of muscles atrophied and unmoved
after 100 years of slumber
and a bed underneath you rent apart
by the briars that issue forth from you.
Siobhan, could you please
describe your character for us?
[Emily laughing while
everyone else groans]
- Hello, my name is Rosamund du Prix.
I am the princess of
the Kingdom of Reverie,
and any moment now, my true love
will come and kiss me
and help me to escape.
- Give me a constitution saving throw.
[Emily, Ally, and Siobhan laugh]
- That's a four.
[Brennan laughs and claps]
- You could be wrong, but it
doesn't feel like a prince
is in the room currently,
and you are going to take...
- Guys, welcome to the first season
with a PC death in the first five minutes.
[Siobhan and Brennan laugh]
- You take four points of damage.
- Great.
- That's a quarter.
- That's a quarter of my hit points.
- That's a quarter of all your life.
- [Emily] We are level one.
- We are starting level one
for this campaign, level one.
- I now have seven hit points.
- All right!
- You feel a feeling of movement
to orient towards where a prince might be,
to the edge of the bed,
as the prophecy foretold,
and in moving, you literally feel
the base of the briar,
which is rooted at the
bottom of my esophagus,
in my stomach somewhere,
you feel the thorns
tug internally as you even
just move your body slightly.
[Murph laughs and makes an effort sound]
[Siobhan makes a choking sound]
- Okay, maybe stomach acid
could be eating away at that.
- This is my new face now, I guess.
[Brennan, Emily, and Ally laugh]
- I can't get over the
briars in the nostrils.
- We're going to have to remove
just a sound of me going,
"Eee!" the whole time.
- I feel like we're going
to get a lot of yikeses
this season, yeah, for sure.
- Whatever you guys are watching,
Murph's, "Eee!" has been edited out.
- Eee!
- Go ahead and, I'd say,
what is Rosamund trying
to do in this moment?
And again, I need to say,
the room is so choked with
briars that sound is muffled.
It's a little bit like being buried alive.
In addition to the thorns,
there's also the feeling
of claustrophobia as you...
I mean, I hope we marketed this
as the horror season,
for everybody at home.
- I hope marketing has prepared you
for what you're watching right now.
- What you're watching right
now, it's going to be scary.
- I thought we were kidding!
- I thought we were joking, dude!
You didn't say there were
going to be thorns, dude!
- I'm already scared! I'm already scared!
- This is f*cked up! I
want to leave, let's stop!
- This was my minigolf intro to scary.
I was like, hey, we'll do
some thorn body horror stuff.
- I actually really love it.
- Good, good good good. I'm glad.
- Yeah, I'm turned on
right now. This is hot.
- [Emily] Yeah, me too.
- [Brennan] Ewwww
- So, there is that claustrophobia.
However, the only release valve
on your claustrophobia right now
comes from, I think,
the feeling of, like, you feel
like you're holding things,
and you can feel heartbeats and breath,
but I should say that that
sensation is a troubling one.
Like, if you were adding a
sixth sense to your body,
it wouldn't feel immediately
intuitive and pleasant.
It feels like getting a type
of information that is...
For being the one sense you
seem to have control over
right now, because of
how claustrophobic it is,
it's not something that
brings you a lot of comfort.
It feels troubling.
- I'm going to try and
disentangle my hands
from whatever they're tangled up in.
- Give me a sleight of hand check.
- 18.
- You were too young,
you had just been born,
but one of the great
fairies of this kingdom
did give you the gift of grace,
and you are able to remove
your hand from the thorns
and find just sort of a
pocket within the briars
of free space to maneuver.
- Okay, I'm going to try and pull
the thorns out of my mouth and nose.
- You have seven hit
points, babe. Come on, babe!
- It's worth it. It's freaking worth it.
- Babe! Be smart, babe!
- I'm going to say this.
[Ally and Emily giggle]
You can either give another
flat sleight of hand,
or you can use the success
on your sleight of hand
to make a medicine check,
which you might not be proficient in,
but you can make that
medicine check with advantage,
so I leave it up to you.
- I will do the medicine check.
- All right, medicine
check with advantage.
- Thank god, because
one of those is a one,
but the other one is a 16.
- 16, incredible.
You take only a single point of damage.
[Siobhan retching]
The most uncomfortable feeling
is the feeling not even of the thorns,
which of course are painful,
but it's the feeling
of the roots at the
bottom of your stomach.
- Okay.
[Brennan laughs]
- You don't know who I am yet,
but can I give the help action?
[Brennan and Siobhan laugh]
- Nothing has worried me
more than you describing this
as the minigolf.
- [Ally] The minigolf intro
to what this season will be like.
- Honestly, it whetted
my appetite. I'm excited.
- I'm thrilled.
- Hell yeah, hell yeah.
You [gags] feel, and
there's a point at which
you can feel that the base
of this plant pulls up,
and its roots get exposed to, frankly,
just your stomach acid.
There's a moment where you have to go
very slowly and carefully, but you feel
it becomes weak enough that you can sever
and then slowly, slowly,
a controlled removing.
And your mouth and nostrils,
at least there's a
blessing that your nostrils
don't go down into your trachea.
They join the ones
going into your stomach,
so at least your lungs,
you don't have to worry
about shredding your lungs.
- Phew.
- With one hand, you pull that free.
You can feel your own blood and bile
drip onto your face, stinging,
and the sort of horrible
scent of rotting plant matter.
Give me a perception check.
- Nine.
- You hear, as it leaves
your nostrils and your mouth,
an urgent whisper
[an echoed gasp]
of something that doesn't
so much hit your eardrums
as kind of, if you close your ears
and you can hear your own
voice echoing in your head,
it feels like something echoing
off the back of your throat
or the top of your sinuses,
a voice whispering something
in a language you cannot speak.
- Hello?
Hello?
- You feel a shuddering of wind outside.
The voice went suddenly still
at the moment that the roots of the briars
came out of your mouth.
- Sir Prince?
Hello?
I shake the briars around me,
see if I can make any kind of opening.
- Give me a nature check.
- Dirty 20.
- You shake the briars.
As it does, one of the
thorns, it doesn't draw blood.
One of the thorns snags on
a little bit of your skin.
- Ah!
- And you asked for a prince, right?
Your eyes roll back in your head,
and you see,
could be dozens, could be hundreds,
out in the briars past this
place, there are corpses,
some nothing more than bones
hanging from the thorns,
some of them a little fresher.
They've decomposed in an
interesting way, because of course,
everything of the natural
world here falls asleep,
except for these bodies.
You wonder why you're seeing them.
You wonder why you can only see them
when your bloody hand touches the briars.
It's almost like the
briars want you to know,
want you to know how
safe they're keeping you.
Because at the bottom of
all those little groves,
or hanging off of a rotting wrist,
or as is most often the case,
simply resting at a jaunty
angle on a bare skull,
are the crowns of all the many princes
that have died in the thorns.
[Emily laughs, aghast]
- Kind of flattering, though.
[Players laugh]
- [Siobhan] I hate it.
- Thank you, thorns,
for keeping me safe.
I think it's time for
me to leave, thank you.
- With your hand on there,
you see that your blood
coming off of your hand,
that a little sort of root
grows out of the stalk of the thing.
It's not how plants really
work, but some little tendril,
bone white, fibrous plant matter,
touches the blood in your hand.
Very small, it's not moving
like a giant, animated monstrosity,
but it's enough movement that
you can see it with your eye,
and as it does so, you hear,
[an echoed gasp]
please, no, don't leave.
It's not safe.
- Thank you. I think it's time
for me to leave, thank you.
- None who have come...
[breathes in deeply]
None who have come have
been allowed to pass.
The times of shadow now
pass in the Neverafter.
Here, it was safe.
Giants, wizards, witches, none
can touch you in this tower.
Dearest Rosamund, stay with us.
You see the briars
shudder and begin to move.
Give me an insight check.
- 23.
- That's a high roll.
The base and most profound thing
you feel from these briars,
as terrifying as they are, is fear.
This thing, this curse, this spell,
is trying to set roots
into one of the many slices
on your body, trying to drink your blood,
and you sense that it is deeply afraid.
- I sing it a lullaby?
- Go and give me a performance check.
- Great.
- Big 20. Big 20.
[Emily laughs]
- A big 12!
- Big 12.
- That's a big number.
- I've been asleep for 100
years. I have not warmed up.
- That's a high roll.
- Yeah, I think what happens
is you go to start singing,
and just a huge thing of
phlegm and blood comes.
[Siobhan coughing]
- Be quiet. [coughs]
- So dry!
[players laugh]
♪ Nothing to be afraid of ♪
- You see that the briars begin to move,
and they shudder in their movement, right?
The briars go,
we will keep you safe.
We will keep you safe, dear princess.
And you see that the briars
begin to part in front of you,
and on a long tendril
that moves slowly and shudderingly,
the briars themselves do not seem,
they have not needed to move in so long.
It seems that they are getting
some ability of movement
back, but it is coming back.
A long tendril moves.
The barest end, with a single
budding leaf, soft and new,
wrapped around a familiar,
shining black spindle.
- I think I don't need
to go back to sleep.
Thank you so much, briars.
- It's all right.
All will be well in the
land of dreams, princess.
- No. I'm telling you, no.
- As you say that, go ahead,
and I'm going to ask you
in this moment what Rosamund would do.
You might only have time for one.
You can give me either a
persuasion or an intimidation check
or you can give me an athletics
or an acrobatics check,
depending on how Rosamund feels
about pleading with the briars.
- I would like to do an acrobatics,
or maybe even a sleight of hand check
to grab the spindle and
plunge it into the briars.
- Hell yes.
We'll call that either acrobatics,
or we'll call that sleight of hand.
- Great.
It's a nine.
- Okay.
- That's not a high roll.
- That's a not a high roll.
- Give me a dexterity saving throw.
- That is high. 24.
- That's a high roll.
- You reach.
The thing withdraws and slashes
at you with the spindle.
You dodge out of the way.
You have another opportunity
to attempt the maneuver.
- Great.
Ugh, 11.
- 11? You do not successfully
grab the spindle.
- f*ck.
- It is going to make an
opposed grapple check.
You only need to beat a 10 on
an athletics or acrobatics.
- Yes!
- Okay, 23.
- That's a high roll.
- 23. Here's the issue.
- That's a high roll.
- That's a high roll.
- That's a high roll.
- You can avoid the grapple,
get another chance at the spindle.
- Great.
- Or...
- No!
[Lou laugh-exclaims]
- You can use that success to try to dive
for where you know the
window in your bedroom is.
- I'll go for the window.
- Okay.
- There we go. That's a 21.
- Hell yes.
You take one additional point of damage
diving through the thorns.
You leap through the window as the thorns,
sort of dragging across your body,
every time a thorn enters,
you hear another whisper of,
please stay, please stay!
And you are preparing
to fall, and instead,
the tower is covered in briars.
On that check, you know
running down a hill
that's too steep for
you to break your fall,
you just have to hope
that you don't f*cking
die running down the hill?
You are running in your shredded slippers.
Give me a constitution saving throw.
- 13.
- As your slippers rend apart,
you begin running barefoot on thorns
and just manage to soldier through
and not pass out due to
the ambient blood loss.
You reach the bottom of the
briars and thud to a clearing.
[Siobhan pants]
There's quiet in this moment.
Rosamund, briars abound.
You cannot even see the
walls of your castle.
What do you do?
- Hello?
Is anybody else awake?
Hello?
I try to push forward.
I try to push forward.
I know what direction I came from.
I know that that way is out,
and there's no way back,
so I guess I just have to keep going.
- In the depth of the briars,
with no voice of comfort,
no clue of what might be done
to address what has so clearly gone wrong,
you make the first choice
in the times of shadow
that a creature must make
when it has no other recourse,
simply to go forward.
Days, weeks, months,
traversing through the
briars that, due to the speed
of your travel, never
seem to catch up to you
of your travel, never
seem to catch up to you
with the menace that they held,
the animation, the vitality,
the sentience that
haunted you in your tower.
But even without the dreadful movement
and the whispering words of
the briars in that place,
the Kingdom of Reverie is gone.
You move and must learn
to survive in a place
enchanted with seemingly
no hope of return.
What does Rosamund, our Sleeping Beauty,
look like when she emerges
from the Kingdom of Reverie?
- Her dress is ripped and torn.
There are cuts across her face.
Her beautiful, golden ringlets
are matted with blood,
and she has fashioned for
herself a bow made of thorns.
- You wake up.
[Brennan mimicking
wagon wheels clattering]
The feeling of wooden
wheels on a long highway,
the feeling of trundling hither and yon.
You experience sort of just a little bit
of that orange light of
the sole candle in here.
The inside of the wagon you now travel in,
you have gathered passage,
but it's mostly cargo in here.
It's crates, some barrels
of fruits and potatoes.
There's a musty smell
of the often blighted
or, you know, pest infested produce
that the cities now depend
on during the times of shadow
that have befallen the Neverafter.
Looking amongst the crates and barrels,
you awake with your
memory of arriving here.
Nearby you in the wagon is a shape,
something monstrous,
a massive, bulbous head,
and you can see the spare,
sort of spindly blanket
covering the creature
in the wagon with you
is soaked through with
something damp and unpleasant.
- I get up very quietly
and gingerly lift up
the side of the blanket
next to the head.
[Emily laughing]
- Murph, could you describe
your character for us?
[Players laughing]
- You knew?
- I knew!
- Oh my god.
- Yeah, I am Gerard of Greenleigh,
a prince who is temporarily in the process
of turning back into a frog.
[Brennan and Ally laugh]
Was once a frog, then a handsome prince,
turning back into a frog,
sort of in the halfway point
right now, so has a lot of human features,
sort of a human build, but has big...
Skin has turned green, is a
little bit more slick and wet,
and then big, bloodshot, human eyes,
but that are spaced out like a frog's.
So I think probably as
you pull the blanket back,
just a giant eye opens up.
Ah!
- Ah!
- Ah!
- Oh!
- You, I, ah!
I put the blanket over my head.
Greetings, I am the Prince
Gerard of Greenleigh.
- [Siobhan] Oh!
- This situation is all temporary.
- I'm the Princess Rosamund of Reverie.
I think we're cousins.
- Cousin!
[Brennan laughs]
- I think like three different
times, we're cousins.
- Did you say Reverie?
- Yes.
- That's all, like, thorns now, right?
- Mm, mm, yeah, mm-hm.
- Yes. Wow.
- Mm.
- Bad times.
- It's a bad time.
- Bad times.
Well, so your place is gone,
has been gone for a long time.
Mine, Greenleigh, was
just, they took the castle.
- Okay.
- My wife is off, missing.
- Oh, that's terrible. You're married?
- I am married, yes.
- Well, good. Good, I'm glad.
- Yes, it's good.
And the marriage is going well.
- Oh, good.
- Yes.
- Good!
- And once I find her,
we're going to sort this all out.
- Great. Oh, I love that for you.
Don't you love love?
- I love it, and everything is...
This is temporary.
- Temporary. This is temporary.
- That's all temporary.
- It's temporary.
- Once we get to the
next town, someone will
acknowledge our titles.
- Somebody, absolutely.
- And then things will get
back as they should be.
We'll be back at the ball.
- I'll find my true love.
We'll go to the ball.
Oh my goodness, a ball!
- So you're looking for
the true love right now.
- Well, technically my true
love is looking for me.
- Very good, very good.
See, I found the true
love, and now I'm here.
- Wonderful. So romantic.
- It's good stuff.
- Good stuff.
- It's good stuff.
[knocking]
- On the outside of the
wagon, you hear that a horse
has sort of trotted up
alongside, and you hear Boffit,
who is a trollson who's one of
the managers of this caravan,
calls out from outside
and says, wake up inside.
Need to make a stop in
the middle of the night.
Horses and steeds getting tired.
- Why, thank you, Mr. Boffit.
- Oh, I meant to say, there's
a monster in your wagon
that I didn't mention before.
- It's actually the
Prince Gerard, thank you.
- It is the Prince Gerard, thank you.
- There's a barred window,
but the wooden shutter on it
slides open, and you see this,
trollsons are sort of
descended from trolls,
but it's very craggy,
kind of giant looking.
One of his eyebrows is so
pronounced that it covers
one of his eyes, big, bushy
eyebrows, musclebound,
arms and claws that go
down almost to his ankles,
but is riding on this beautiful,
sort of magical looking horse.
Looks in and goes, you ain't a monster?
What do you look like that for?
- First off, rude.
Secondly, I don't know,
because I got married,
and so I found true love, and
I shouldn't be a frog anymore.
That's what's so crazy about all of this.
- Ooh, what princess? Wait.
- Princess Elody.
- Yeah, the Princess Elody
of Greenleigh married a frog!
[Brennan laughing]
- She didn't marry a frog!
We dated while I was a frog,
and then I stopped being a frog.
What don't you get? I'm very handsome.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If I was a frog, that's what I'd say, too.
And he clops off.
Looking at the trollson,
looking at Boffit ride
on down the caravan,
you look out the window
into the dark forest
and remember a time.
You're in your bathtub in your castle,
and you've had your head under the water,
and you realize you've had your head
under the water for probably 10 minutes.
- Hmm. Not good.
[players chuckling]
I sit up.
That's strange.
I guess I go look and
just check myself out,
make sure everything's in order.
- Give me a medicine check.
- That's a five.
- Touching yourself.
Everything appears to be okay,
actually, as you're looking.
- Still looking good, Gerard.
- You take a sort of
little breath of relief in.
Throat swells up.
- No. No, no, no.
[Players laughing]
No. No no no, we fixed this, though.
We fixed this, though.
[Zac and Brennan laugh]
Maybe, Gerard,
a blessing from the curse.
You looked like a frog,
and you liked swimming around and stuff,
and now you can breathe
underwater and breathe big,
but you still are a handsome prince,
and your wife loves you,
and everything is good.
Good, good, good, good. Good, Gerard.
- Days pass.
And...
[Brennan sighs]
After a week or so,
you can't really look
yourself in the eyes anymore.
You kind of have to choose
between the right one and the left one.
- Mm!
- Okay, Gerard.
[Brennan laughs]
This is strange, strange.
But still looking good, what I see
is a very handsome prince.
A very handsome prince indeed.
- At this point, some
wise women in the court
have provided you with certain
tonics and things like that,
if you're feeling unwell.
- I need my ointment, and
everything will be fine.
- As you go to get your
ointment, your tongue...
[Players laughing]
- Strange.
[Lou and Emily laugh]
That was froglike.
Part of the blessing.
I can reach things that are further away,
just as I did when I was a frog.
This is good.
[Brennan laughs]
I'm still very handsome.
[Siobhan and Emily laugh]
- That night at dinner, across
the banquet hall from you,
your wife, the Princess Elody,
eats at the end of a long banquet hall.
Your food has been
presented in front of you.
The kitchens are doing incredible work.
Your wife does not look at you.
At the end of the table,
she speaks to three armored captains,
taking small, quick bites of a dinner
that she will probably
eat only a portion of
as she hurriedly discusses grave matters
with these captains of the
Kingdom of Greenleigh's armies.
She turns and says,
Snowhold has already taken
the northern fortress.
They'll be at the river
by less than a week.
We should withdraw all the
troops north of the river.
It's not worth holding that territory.
Your Highness, I understand,
but even getting word
to those men, given the power
of the Snow Queen's armies,
the crows in her service,
beings of ice and wind...
I understand that there is
a risk for our messengers,
but some of those forces may be recalled.
Otherwise, there will be a rout.
[sighs] Very well, Your Highness.
As to the castle, we
should raise our defenses.
Raise our defenses, here at the castle?
- This is sort of unpleasant
talk at the table, is it not?
[Emily laughs]
We have a ball coming up. Shall we...
My dear, my sweet. Dear, sweet Elody.
We should be talking
about what kind of dance
we're going to do.
[Lou and Brennan laugh]
- She turns to you, and the
three captains all turn to you,
and there is just a deep
and profound silence.
- It's just, it's unpleasant.
I feel like there's w*r
tables and whatnot for that.
This is a banquet table.
Everyone is being a bit rude.
I didn't want to say anything,
but everyone's being a bit rude.
[Players laughing]
- You see that the
princess blinks her eyes,
looks at the generals, and says,
I shall meet you forthwith in my study.
The captains bow to you, to the princess,
head out of the room.
She turns to face you.
You were right. I am sorry.
I find myself much distracted these days.
- It's quite all right.
I mean, we've got generals
for these things and whatnot.
I figure, let them all
kind of fight out there.
We're inside. That's
why they build castles.
That's why they build them.
[Players laughing]
So that we can be in here.
- Run that by me one more time.
- Okay.
- They build castles so that-
- We can be in here.
[Emily laughs]
They fight that stuff outside,
then rocks, then us,
so we're good.
- She sighs deeply.
Gerard.
They build castles like
this for a lot of reasons.
You notice a fly.
- Oh no.
- Flying.
[fly buzzing]
They build castles like
this for a lot of reasons.
As a place of safety.
- Mm-hm.
- In times where...
- Right.
- Are you listening to what I'm saying?
- Yes, there's just a fly.
- Okay. Well, ignore the fly.
- Okay.
- [Brennan] Snowhold means to conquer us.
- Mm-hm.
- My mother and father
are infirm.
The kingdom needs leadership.
You have heard of what now
befalls all of the realms.
Giants striding in the land, witches,
terrible storms, creatures of the sea.
- Flies in the banquet hall.
- Is that where you thought I was going?
- Can we get rid of the
fly? Would that be okay?
- It's a fly. It's a fly.
Give me a charisma saving throw.
- 12.
- 12?
The fly comes right in the
target zone. It's right there.
[fly buzzing]
- I try to grab it.
[Brennan screams]
Did you see that?
Okay, there's...
There's been some things going on with me.
I've been a bit distracted
as well. Some of the...
Do you remember when we
met, and I was a frog?
- Yes, Gerard.
- And then we fell in love,
and everything was good then,
and then I became a handsome prince,
and everything is still good,
so I should still be a human being,
but I'm getting frog stuff back.
Does that mean anything to you, or...
- Things are not well.
- Not out there, no, but...
- How could things be well here
if they are not well out there?
- Because that's why castles are built.
We had this conversation.
You said your thing, and you
have your opinions on castles,
and I have my opinions on castles,
and I think the wonderful thing about it
is that we can both think
the way that we think
and still love each other unconditionally.
[Lou chuckles]
Right?
[Players laughing]
- Right?
- Right?
- I love you.
- And I love you.
- Isn't there something horrifying
about the idea that our lives ended
on the day we wed?
Because Gerard, that's
what I feel from you.
- Oh.
- You say that you are happy.
You say that things are well,
but here in this moment,
I don't know that it
has to do with the w*r.
I don't know that the way I feel about you
has to do with the w*r.
The way I feel about you
may have something to do
with how I feel about how
you feel about the w*r.
- Right.
I just thought we had
figured this all out,
that we had been, there
was the tough thing,
and then we were just,
we're on the same team here.
You know what I'm saying?
So everything here could just be good,
if we wanted it to be.
- What would it look like,
everything being good?
- We'd be getting dressed right now.
We'd be talking excitedly
about who we were going to meet
and gossip with at the ball.
- I will do my best to
give you what I can.
- And I, you know what?
I will break out that old
book of the old sword forms
that I have, back when I used
to fence with my cousins,
and I will get to the w*r thought.
- Thanks, Gerard.
- Thank you.
- The following morning, when you awake,
you realize that your
wife did not come back
to the chamber of your castle,
and instead fell asleep
at the w*r table with her advisors
talking late into the night.
When you first look into the
mirror after discovering this,
your nose is gone.
[Brennan mimicking
wagon wheels clattering]
The wagons trundle along back
in the Chandling Caravan.
We see Boffit
riding down the lane,
and as he does so,
he passes a number of carriages
and comes to one carriage
which is appointed beautifully,
mounted on wheels, a massive,
cream white, suede shoe,
an enormous shoe with four wheels,
studded with gems and little stones,
drawn by four white horses
with beautiful, feathery plumes,
and inside, after Boffit knocks and says,
stopping the wagons in a minute
to give the steeds a rest!
A voice echoes out.
Oh, very well. None were resting inside.
We have much to celebrate, Mr. Boffit.
Stop when you will, by
all means. [chortles]
As we move inside of that
carriage, we see three glasses
being raised in a beautifully
well-appointed interior
of this wheeled shoe drawn
by four white horses.
But I'm going to need two
people to describe the figures
holding their glasses
as Lord Bandlebridge,
with a broad mustache
and a beautiful doublet
and a feathery cap, raises a glass.
Lou and Zac, would you be kind enough
to describe the figures now
holding their glasses up?
- After you.
- No, after you.
- Okay, me first.
[Brennan and Emily laugh]
You see a glass being
held up by two little paws
[Emily squeals]
that fit the body of a little
cat standing on its back paws,
that fit the body of a little
cat standing on its back paws,
holding a glass, wearing
a little half cape.
He's got a little cane.
You know, it's like one of those cats
that you kind of can't
tell if they're a kitten
or old or whatever, the
sort of middle ground,
making the sweetest
smile, raising his glass.
There's maybe a little twinkle
of something in his eye,
who knows what, as he
clinks his glass and says,
well said, Lord Bandlebridge.
- Yes, very well.
Pib, yes?
- Yes, Puss in Boots, but Pib
is what my friends call me.
And, you know, we are now close friends.
- Close friends! And the other figure.
- The other hand on the
glass is one of wood,
which then connects to the body
of a little marionette puppet boy
wearing a tidy little
orange shirt, green shorts,
with painted on eyes and a little mouth.
Only the difference is, on his face,
where there would be normally
a little wooden nose,
instead there is a splintered kind of gap
where his nose has been removed.
Touching glasses. Indeed,
Lord Bandlebridge!
When we reach Shoeberg, us three friends,
we will treat you as you have treated us.
- Well, I am so very glad to hear it.
Of course, the aristocracy of Shoeberg,
from whence I hail, as well you know.
- Yes, of course.
- Ha ha ha.
We are always very interested
in these games of chance,
but I think I've rather drawn
a quartet of aces
by meeting none other
than a transformed prince.
- Yes, and to those who
help a transformed prince
become his true self again,
there is much reward.
- Yes, I've been helping
him for quite some time,
and at one point, I was just a simple cat,
and now you hear me talking.
- Ha ha ha.
Well, a curse powerful enough
to grant a cat the gift of speech
could certainly line the
pockets of a humble lord.
- Yes. Is that a joke?
Because if it was, it was hilarious.
- It was so funny.
- Yes, it was a joke.
Whenever I tip this way,
that's how you know.
[Ally and Emily laugh]
It's a joke. That's a little joke.
Now, I mean to ask,
the manner in which the
curse should be broken.
Of course, I have many
servants and men at arms,
many beautiful courtiers
at my palazzo back in Shoeberg.
But to what credit can we...
I'm not, you know, a
witch or a fairy, but-
- Of course.
What happened was, I took
who I thought was just some old woman,
but turned out to be the witch.
- Ain't it the way.
- Ain't it the way!
- Ain't it the way.
- I'll tell ya,
you think she's just an
old lady, and then pow!
- Sometimes it feels like
there's not one real beggar
in these lands.
- I swear!
- It's always a witch or an ogre.
- Always. They're out
here to get us, you know?
- Yes!
- We're living well, right?
And they want this life.
- Yes!
- They want what we have.
- Now you are, of course,
actually rich, because-
- So rich!
- I just, like,
hitting dust off my little ragged cape.
Yes, very wealthy indeed.
- I just kind of swill my glass.
- What are you guys drinking, by the way?
- Whatever the nicest thing he has is.
- Just gulping the wine and pouring more.
- [Brennan] He's got a
lovely little Prosecco.
- I forgot to say, I'm also wearing boots.
- Of course, of course.
I feel like your boots are
in the nicest condition
of the things you have.
- You know, when you don't have much,
you want to keep what
you have looking good.
My little blue leather boots,
every morning I really shine them
to make sure they are bright.
- So, 40 pennies given
to a witch in disguise.
- Exactly, and so if I could
simply borrow 40 gold pieces
to throw into a well, and
upon them hitting the bottom,
the debt will be repaid, and
blah blah blah blah blah.
- And we will, of course, give
you, for the 40 gold pieces,
that will obviously mean
- Exactly, we will pay, and of
course you will dine with us.
Are you wed? Because I do
have a beautiful sister.
- And is she a puppet as well?
- [laughs] Oh, and the tilt!
- The head is going that direction.
- You know what I was saying?
- Yes, yes, yes, we do.
- Be careful with your neck.
- Very well.
Well, a cat and a puppet
may be strange companions on the road
to fortune and to
marrying up in the world.
To marry a princess by
rescuing her brother
from a terrible transformation,
this is the stuff of legend,
and I would be happy to help indeed.
- Lord Bainbridge, if
it's not too much to ask,
would you, I mean, because
I'm eager to return
and repay you, would you mind
going and checking with Boffit
and giving me and my
friend a moment alone?
- Yes, I would be more than happy to.
Let me simply tell my coachman driver.
And Lord Bandlebridge walks
up to the toe of the shoe.
You guys are back in the heel
with a stack of boot up above you,
which is a spiral staircase
to a sleeping quarters.
He opens the door, walks
into the antechamber.
- Oh, f*cking Christ,
I can't keep this up.
- What an as*h*le.
- This guy f*cking sucks.
- He thinks he's funny?
- I swear, if you have to tilt your head
to let us know it's a good
joke, it's not a good joke!
- The key to a good joke, it's funny.
- Honestly, but I don't
know, we get the 40 gold.
- Then we, I don't know,
push him down and run away.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so.
I mean, we may not even need to push him.
- I kind of want to push him.
- A classic tabletop?
- Is there anything around
here? I start looking around.
- Yeah, go ahead and give
me investigation checks.
- I think I got a 12.
- Just a 10.
- Never mind, I got a nine.
- It looks like most of the stuff in here,
you're actually kind of looking at it,
a lot of it is very, like,
it's not the real stuff.
A lot of the gems are glass.
A lot of the stuff that could be gold
is actually just gilded.
You're sort of snooping around
and not finding a ton of stuff.
- New money. Hm.
[Brennan and players laugh]
- We'll have to find a big
score when we get into town.
I mean, this guy's light,
but, I mean, he was the best
we had on the caravan, so.
- We do what we can when
we can for ourselves.
- Amen.
- Saying that, Pib, you look
the gilded edge of this mirror.
There is a little stone up
in the top of the mirror
that you haven't checked out yet,
could be something potentially valuable.
- Hops up.
[players meowing]
- As you go up-
- Knock sh*t off.
- As you jump up there, you
look in the mirror and see,
you're very much a cat,
so when you stand up,
it's not like you're anthropomorphic.
You have long cat tummy.
- Aw.
- [Brennan] Emily. So cute!
- I want to tickle you!
- So cute!
[Ally and Siobhan laugh]
- And you look in the
mirror and see the stitching
on the gold embroidery of your
cape fully has popped off,
and so the hem now flaps
loose a little bit.
Also, looking at your
stomach, you see your ribs.
Just, you're hungry, man.
- How far I've fallen.
♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
- Rows and rows of trumpets
in the halls of the Marquis de Carabas.
You see a beautiful valet
in a freshly powdered wig,
gold and silver trim on the
swallowtails of his fine jacket,
walking with a golden dome
over a wide, gold platter.
His heels click, click, click, click
on the marble staircases
lined with mirrors, and there,
in the brightest patch of sun
on a bright red velvet pillow
tasseled with gold, you sleep,
on a bright red velvet pillow
tasseled with gold, you sleep,
your fine boots kicked up
in the dusty morning sun.
Ahem.
To the master viceroy and major-domo
of the Marquis de Carabas,
presenting your morning
festivities and meal.
The platter is lowered,
and 100 pure white mice scatter
from the golden platter.
- Ah. Living the good life.
- Chasing mice all day hither and yon,
you appoint yourself platters
of milk, finery everywhere,
the best of all possible lives,
and you hear footsteps
coming down the hall.
You see, guarded by men at arms,
is the Marquis de Carabas,
now also the King of Marienne,
having ascended to the throne.
Walks up and says, ah, Puss in Boots!
- My king! [meows]
- My trusted advisor. Men, leave me.
I must now speak with my advisor.
The doors close and, taking
a moment to make sure
that the doors are closed
and there is no one in here,
the king takes off his
crown, sweating, terrified.
Pib, I think we're in real trouble.
- Oh no, don't say that, Tomas.
You're doing a wonderful job.
- No, no, I'm not.
Things were fine because the kingdom
was in an age of prosperity.
There are giants at the border.
Many of our fortresses
have been destroyed and smashed apart.
I know how to mill grain.
- Yes.
- I'm a miller's son.
We did it, we hoodwinked...
Honestly, now that I'm talking
about it, not really me.
You kind of just threw me in a river
and took all my clothes.
I love my wife,
but I've also been lying
to my partner for years,
and it's really taking an emotional toll.
- Wow.
- You know, like,
we sort of didn't think
through this stuff.
Can you stop chasing mice in this moment?
- Yes, I'm listening, I'm listening.
- My life became incredible,
but you really turned the
whole kingdom upside-down.
- I'm hearing you, yes.
Sounds like you were a miller, right?
You were that, and now look at you.
I see, with my little cat
eyes, a king. A powerful king.
- A king I may well be, but Pib,
you can say one thing all you like.
But if it's not actually true, eventually,
something will give.
- Yes.
- I was not raised in statecraft.
I can kind of read now.
- What a start!
- But we've hit the place
where it needs to be
way more than a start.
- Sure, sure, I'm gathering that.
Listen, I feel like obviously
giants are not ideal.
Listen, I feel like obviously
giants are not ideal.
Learning statecraft,
who knows what that is?
But as you said before,
eventually something bad happens.
Eventually. Right now, I think
we're coasting just fine.
[Siobhan laughs]
[Brennan mimicking thudding footsteps]
- You remember the night
that the walls came down.
All the milk jugs shattered.
- My milk!
- All the fine fish kept on blocks of ice
in the larders set to spoil
as the castle came apart.
Who knows what became
of Tomas and his wife?
You remember the speed with which you fled
the crumbling walls of the ogre's castle
that you had won all those years ago.
You look up, your fur matted
by rain and storm.
[thunder rumbling]
[Zac meows]
Your ruff puffed up around
your throat becomes a liability
as you sprint through the forest,
tearing and catching
on twigs and branches.
You look and see the old mill
where you found Tomas all those years ago.
With nothing more than a flash,
boom!
A foot larger than a
house smashes the mill.
And with that, Pinocchio,
you see Pib lost in reverie.
- Get down. He might come
back any second, come on.
- I hop onto your shoulder.
- God, get off!
You know I don't like
it when you're up there.
- You two are the same size.
- I'm small, okay? I'm a child!
- You guys actually are about comparable.
- Yeah, exactly, so get the f*ck off!
- Biting your hat.
- Ah!
[Emily laughs]
- The door opens up and Lord
Bandlebridge walks in and says,
everything all right in here,
my friendly benefactors?
- Can't think of a single
thing to complain about.
- Exactly, though I was wondering,
these sheets that you were
going to have us sleep on.
A bit rough for a prince.
Is there anything a
little bit more luxurious
that you might have?
- Oh, my sheets are...
- I mean, I apologize if
it's just my princely ways.
- Go ahead and give me a persuasion check.
- Are you trying to steal nice sheets?
[Emily, Siobhan, and Ally laugh]
- That's really good.
- That's a 22.
- He looks at you, and you
can tell that he is soured
by implying that anything
of his is not high quality,
but he wants the lie
to be true so badly,
and he knows that in manners such as this,
you must grant every request
that the magical creature makes.
If it is fine sheets you want,
then you must have the finest.
Avail yourself to my chambers upstairs,
and I shall sleep downstairs tonight.
- Lord Bainbridge, you are too kind.
Puss, shall we?
- We shall. [meows]
- Up the spiral staircase you go.
You see, as you go up,
the lord looks a little
bit creased as you walk up.
He goes, I ask of you, prince,
it is interesting that you
were turned into a puppet
by the curse of this witch,
but I notice in the manner
of your joints that you have
the bearing of a marionette,
and yet there are no
strings attached to you.
- Huh.
Weird.
I, um...
Very strange, yes, I uh...
Well, I...
Who truly knows the nature of such curses?
- Well, if you wish, you know,
I have many fine craftspeople in Shoeberg.
We could supply you with string.
I would hate for you
to return to your form
in the state that you are.
I noticed also that your face is damaged.
Perhaps it would be best to repair you.
- We simply need the gold and to be-
- I think we're okay.
- And I will be transformed as I once was,
but it is very kind and
very aware of you to notice.
- Ha ha. Many things I
am aware of, and many...
I'm aware of a lot.
- Well said.
- Is that a joke? You didn't...
- Oh, it's not a joke.
- Oh.
- Can I make an insight check?
- Yeah, go for it.
- Nat 20.
- Whoa!
- First roll!
- This guy has straight-up
not caught onto you at all.
He's just still mad
about the sheets thing.
He really got to him.
- I trundle on down to him, come up to him
and I say, listen, Lord Bainbridge.
- Bandlebridge, but it's all right.
- Bandlebridge, yes, that's
what I said. What did you hear?
[dice clattering]
- I thought I heard-
- Bandlebridge, right?
- Bandlebridge.
- Yes, that's what I said.
- Right, yeah, yes, absolutely.
- I don't misspeak. Listen.
I just wanted to come down
here and say once again,
we thank you for your hospitality,
and if I may be so bold,
you're my best friend.
[Siobhan, Ally, and Emily laugh]
- Give me persuasion. No,
honestly, give me deception.
[Emily laughs]
- 14.
- 14.
I'm going to make an
insight check for this dude.
He looks. How loud do you say it?
- I whisper it.
- He goes, my god.
Right in front of the child.
- Don't tell him.
[Ally and Emily laugh]
- Can I tell you something in return?
- Of course, and I will never tell anyone.
- I have a list of my 10 best friends,
and I want you to know that
you just bumped up four places.
- I was already on it,
and I went up four places?
[Players laughing]
- You just skyrocketed
from seven to three.
- [meows] Give him a hug.
Can I try to pickpocket him?
- Yeah, go for it.
- Oh my god.
- That's just a 12.
- On a 12, it's actually
versus his perception.
Okay, you feel that you could,
he has a little scroll in his pouch
that you could grab if you wanted to.
- I'll note the scroll
and then just move on.
- Leave it, cool cool cool.
- I'll grab my staff as we head up.
- You grab your staff.
Both of you head up
into the upper chamber.
As you arrive there, what do you both do?
- I think I'm going to jump on the bed.
[Brennan laughs]
- Jumping up on the bed. Thump, thump.
- All right! Now this, I like!
- Jumping on the mattress.
- Just destroying it, incredible.
With that, we're actually
going to move from this place
and move further to the final carriage
in the Chandling Caravan.
As you arrive at the end...
[fist thudding]
Boffit on his steed pounds and says,
stopping for a rest up ahead
to give the steeds a break.
There'll be some dinner
served, but be wary.
And within that, there's
a small candle lit,
and we find two figures traveling here.
Ally and Emily, could you
describe your characters
and let me know what
your characters look like
and what you are also doing
here in the dark hours
before dinner on the road to Shoeberg?
- My character, hi. My
name is Timothy Goose.
People refer to me as a lot of things,
but one is Mother, Mother Goose.
I'm a caretaker in my village.
I'm getting gray hair right now.
I'm a little bit of a slumped kind of guy.
Life hasn't really been easy.
I'm a little bit bumbling,
but I'm really trying hard.
I have a big book
that I'm really being led by right now.
There's some sort of
magical component to it.
I still can't figure it out.
I write things in it,
and the book absorbs it
if it doesn't mean
anything, but words stick,
and now the only word that has
stuck has been the word shoe,
so I'm trying to go there.
Yeah.
- I'm Ylfa Snorgelsson,
but most people call me
Little Red Riding Hood.
I am sort of a bug-eyed preteen
and a total grandma girl.
I think I've got matted,
unkempt, braided pigtails.
I'm wearing men's hunting boots.
I've got a huge ax slung over my shoulder,
and I think I've got dirt,
dark, thick dirt crusted
under my fingernails.
And I'm here because
Mother, as I knew him,
used to read stories to some
of the local kids in my village
and then when things went bad,
I rendezvoused with Mother.
- Would you like me to
braid your hair again?
I could try a little bit harder.
[Brennan and Emily laugh]
- I just feel like between the two of us,
we could execute a proper braid.
- I think so, too.
- Grandma used to make the
thickest, tightest braids.
- It was the thickest cord of a braid,
it could've been used as rope.
- It was the kind of braid
you had to cut off when
you were done with it.
- God, she was so good.
She was so technical.
- She smelled like Selsun
blue and Sensodyne.
- Yeah, definitely.
Kind of a baking soda kind
of scent to both of those.
- That's what she brushed her teeth with,
in addition to the Sensodyne.
- Baking soda and peroxide. It whitens.
You don't need those strips.
- Mother, I miss her.
- I know, honey.
Can I talk to the person
who knocked on the door?
- Yeah, Boffit knocks
at this point and says,
we'll be stopping in not too
long for a bit of a rest.
- Did you say we were close to Shoe?
We're going to Shoeville? Shoeberg?
- Shoeberg will be the next stop of trade,
but we're probably still a day out.
We'll rest the night, but it's not safe
to stop in the woods for
long, just long enough
to feed and water the horses
and then keep it moving.
- If you need someone to
keep guard, got your back.
- I could do it.
- Yeah, the two of us.
I'm kind of a medieval g*y prepper,
[Ally and Emily laugh]
so I have a broom that
I've sharpened the end of,
and that's my whole weapon.
I'm just kind of like, you know,
protection you can provide for yourself.
I think I'm protecting you,
but very clearly you are protecting me.
- And then I'm like, thank you so much
for protecting me, Mother.
And as I pat him on the shoulder,
you see a huge, bulging muscle
from my wiry girl frame.
- Jesus Christ.
We have tried to do pushups before,
and you've blown me out of the water,
and I've lied about how many I did.
- Mother's the strongest person I know.
- 63 pushups.
- You see Boffit says, that's all right.
Boffit actually does look
up at this point and say,
actually, if you did want
to protect the caravan,
I can't help but notice
you're a man of letters.
- Yes.
- Would you be willing
to tell some stories around the campfire?
We's a small supply of enchanted logs,
and as long as someone's telling a story,
it should be enough to ward
off any boggins or boggarts,
little goblins and things of that nature.
- Definitely.
I mean, I've got years
worth of stories, honestly.
- I would love to criss-cross
applesauce for a story.
- Yes, okay, great.
- I could really get some
dirt on my butt for that.
- That's great, I honestly
only need an audience of one,
but more is always better.
- We'll be using the
campfire to serve dinner,
so people will be coming through.
- So I'll just be kind of next to dinner,
kind of telling a story?
- Yeah, you know, it's a gig.
- Sounds like a satisfying
venue for any performer.
- We used to call these shitty
corporates. I know them well.
[Players laughing]
Am I in the window at an H&M
doing improv? I'll do it!
- Or is it a college orientation?
- You see that Boffit
looks at you and says,
but payment will be due in
Shoeberg for your transit,
I hope you know.
- Definitely.
- All right.
- Yeah, payment.
- I've got you.
- Oh, you have money?
- No, of course.
- Well, we'll be stopping soon enough.
As you all sort of are in
your various carriages,
you do see that actually around this time,
the carriages do come
to a little standstill.
The Chandling Caravan, as it is called,
is a small merchant's caravan
that travels with a tinker's wagon
and a peddler's wagon and various people
that go from town to
town hawking their wares.
The steeds of this place are,
you know, various and sundry.
There's about four wagons
that are of the actual
Chandling company themselves
that are all drawn by strong draft horses.
There's a couple other
odds and ends in here, too.
There's a wagon
that is that beautiful,
sort of cream suede shoe
of one of the lords of
Shoeberg, Lord Bandlebridge.
There's another very small wagon
that is just a little teapot
that is drawn by a giant rabbit.
- Okay, okay.
Two of my favorite
freaking things, Brennan.
What are you doing?
- Horrifically cute.
This isn't horror at all.
- And then past that,
there is also a gentleman
traveling with a caravan
who is in sort of an uncovered
chariot drawn by a ram.
- Uncovered chariot drawn by a ram!
- You see that the
caravan sort of sidles up.
There's an area where the
road goes into a turn,
and because it's going into a
turn, it widens a little bit,
and the wagons can kind of circle up.
You see that there are
some doors and planks
that are literally put up leaning
against the gaps of the
wagons facing the forest.
You travel now through the
Blackwood, which is one
of many primeval forests here.
This place is a long stretch of wilderness
in between Shoeberg and
the nearest settlement,
which would've been Pottingham,
which would've been the village
that you guys hail from.
As the wagons circle up,
you see Boffit starts to
sort of tend to a fire.
A couple other figures begin to emerge
from the other wagons, set up dinner.
- Do you think before I
tell my stories and stuff,
that I can, I mean, I see a big shoe,
and all I have to go off of is shoe.
Do you think we can go and try to talk-
- I definitely wanted
to tug on your sleeve
and say, there's a shoe.
- There's a giant, suede shoe.
- I'm clocking a shoe.
- I mean, what if we don't even have to go
all the way to Shoeberg?
- I think both of you start
to walk up to the shoe,
and as it opens, you
see a figure walking out
with two valets, a coachman, a driver.
Lord Bandlebridge, very well appointed.
You see his buttons all
look like little shoes,
and he has various boots.
His boots are quite large, and
you see, speaking of boots,
a cat wearing boots walk
out with a little wooden boy
in this entourage as both of you approach.
Lord Bandlebridge says, some dinner.
I suppose we shall break bread
with some of the other commoners.
- Only for a moment, and then
we'll escape back to the shoe.
- Then we'll run back.
- Absolutely.
- Hello.
- Yeah, hi.
- I am Timothy Goose.
- Mr. Goose.
- I'm admiring your shoe
here. Is this yours?
I see you have shoe buttons on.
- Yes, well, I am one of
the lords of Shoeberg.
- A lord of Shoeberg. Very cool, hm.
- And I'm Little Red Riding Hood.
My mom says I need to make
more age appropriate friends.
Are you a boy?
- Oh, you're talking to me.
Oh, well, I'm a prince.
But it's nice to meet you.
- Okay.
- Go ahead and give me a persuasion check.
- [Ally] Okay.
- Just, like, your first impression check.
- 19.
- Lord Bandlebridge goes,
so you're admiring the shoe.
I take it you're not familiar
with Shoeberg's architecture and manner.
- No.
- Well, you are in for
a wonderful surprise
when we reach that fair city.
There are many wondrous places therein
that I'm sure you will
find most accommodating.
But you're never seen
a shoe carriage before?
- Oh, you mean there
are a lot of buildings
that are shoes there?
- A lot is one way to put it.
Another way to put it
is, they're all shoes.
- [Zac] That was a joke.
- That's fun. Oh.
- You can always tell he's joking
because of the c*ck, you
know, the way he, the neck.
- Very funny. Oh, okay.
So I guess, yeah, it's not.
It's just one of the many shoes.
Can I do an insight check on him?
- [Brennan] Yeah.
- See if there's anything magical?
- [Brennan] Go for it.
- Or he's the root of all
evil that I'm looking for?
- [Brennan] Yeah, go for it.
- Okay.
- The root of all evil?
- 19. Is he the big bad
of the whole season?
- Yeah, Lord Bandlebridge.
Yeah, for sure, absolutely.
This is a 19 on an insight check?
- Yeah.
- This is obviously going
in the right direction.
I think that you would
probably look at this guy,
this guy doesn't look at
you with any recognition,
but that doesn't necessarily mean
that there's not something
important about this carriage
or about where it's going in Shoeberg.
But there is, I think, on a 19,
you feel there is something
special here, right?
There is something. You're
going in the right direction.
This guy may not be conscious
of the information you need,
but there might be other ways
to get the information you need.
- Interesting, okay. Well,
we're coming from Pottingham.
It's been a long few years in Pottingham.
I don't know how it's been in Shoeberg.
- Well, of course, you know, yes,
the times of shadow fell upon
us, but we banded together.
We saw fit to rise to the occasion.
Now Shoeberg is one of the
few thriving metropolises
left here in the Neverafter.
- Really?
- You guys hear...
Actually, everyone here
make a perception check.
- Only an eight.
- Six.
- Six.
- Cuatro.
- Quatro.
- 22.
- Woo!
- Thank god.
- I'm still just looking at you,
being like, can we be friends?
- Can we play? Tag, you're it!
- I'm going to roll for Bandlebridge here.
He's got to beat a 15, but he has-
- [Emily] Do you play bridge?
That's what grandma likes.
- That's a one, baby. That's a nat one.
- That's the dice I gave you.
- Yes, there you go.
You see as he says that,
pulling into sort of, you know,
the bigger Chandling wagons
take sort of the outer
wall of the curve the most,
and going towards the
interior of the hairpin turn
in this forest road, dirt,
little stones here and there,
not a paved road at all, and around you,
these massive trees rising on all sides.
Reaching the branches would be hard
with these trees around here,
so there's about 40 feet of
these massive old growth trees
that their branches start so high up
that you can actually see
a little bit of ferns and
moss on the forest floor.
But more than 40 or 50 feet
away from the edge of the road,
it gets to be, like, thick.
The trees start having
smaller trees within them.
It gets more tangled and difficult.
The gentleman that has been
traveling with some of you,
I think Pottingham just
joined a second ago,
you guys have been traveling
for longer, our royals,
who are now also coming out of your wagon.
The dude with the chariot and the ram,
you see him tying up on
the inner part of the turn,
so his chariot is almost more central
towards where the fire
is going to be built.
Ties up his ram, and you
just hear, Puss, as he says,
Shoeberg rose and strove to be...
You hear him go, f*cking idiot,
and just make a little comment to himself,
but doesn't appear to engage at all,
just sort of says something off to himself
about this guy talking about Shoeberg.
[Zac meows]
You observe that, but you see
that Lord Bandlebridge says,
but anything of interest to
you that I may be of service.
And Mr. Goose, you are
a scholar, an academic?
- I wear a lot of hats, but mostly-
- I also wear a lot of hats.
- Really?
- Yes.
- Ah.
- This is just one.
- Oh, you meant literally.
Great. I don't look very
good in hats, actually.
No, I mostly have found
myself being a caretaker
for children, much like a teacher.
The children really are the future,
and though the past may be pretty dark,
full of loss,
the children and the gleam in their eye...
And I look over.
- And I'm bloodshot in one eye, bulging.
- They're just so great.
Really, I wish the best for them,
and I think that we can equip them
with everything that they need.
- Give me a wisdom saving throw.
- What?
Yes. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
- It's a good roll. It's a good roll.
- Okay, it's, oh. 22.
- 22.
You're okay, but in the
middle of your sentence
talking about how the children
are the future, you see it.
You see it right behind Bandlebridge.
It's in the shadows of the wagon.
- f*ck. You f*cking piece of sh*t.
- What did you call me?
- What?
- [Brennan] What's that?
What did you say to me?
- You? No.
- You were looking kind of right at me.
- I'm a cursed man! I
grab him by the neck.
I'm a cursed man!
- All right, all right!
- Sprints off.
- Timothy, get yourself together!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm
sorry, Red, I saw it again.
- We all have our curses. You saw it?
- I saw it again.
- Did it speak to you, or honk at you?
- A little bit of both.
- We move from this place.
Pottingham, beautiful little village
in a part of the world that
seemingly didn't even need
a king or a castle, just
a quaint little place
of patches of squash, little ears of corn
and happy people living and farming.
A village square with a grand maypole
under which would sit a wondrous man,
Mother Goose,
reading his book of stories
to all the children there.
You remember the night.
You remember the feeling.
Hands full of bones,
walking into your home,
looking at your husband.
Timothy, what's wrong? What happened?
What's going on?
- This is Jack.
- What?
- This is Jack.
- What do you mean?
- I set the bones down.
I saw him die. I saw him die.
A goose.
There was a goose. He was
mixed up in something terrible.
- What do you mean?
He said, the egg! He said he found it!
- He didn't find the egg! He, okay.
I knew something was up with him.
He all of a sudden had so
much extra gold, extra money,
and I thought maybe, you
know, he was selling powders
or tinctures or elixirs
or something like that,
and then all I heard was,
I need my third wish,
and this goose laughed,
and then I watched him
decompose rapidly down to this.
And then I was trying to
figure out what happened,
and I should've understood,
but the goose said,
do you wish to know what just happened?
And I said yes.
And that was my first wish,
and now I'm in my three wishes.
- Timothy, what is that?
Gleaming at your side
is a massive, leather-bound, gilded book.
- I may have made a second
wish kind of quickly.
Still hadn't really learned
that the first wish was so consequential.
I said, I wish for something
to bring my son back,
so we do have something,
and there's got to be
something written in here
or something in one of
the pockets or something.
The goose gave me this! It must be good!
- You see that in this horror,
with light flashing outside,
you look out and you see
that there is, once again,
distant thunder.
[thunder booming]
Lightning flashes across
the sky, and as it does so,
you see something tall
out in the darkness,
and a pair of sickly, yellow
eyes gazes in from the shadows.
Your husband Henry throws
the shutters closed,
lights a candle quickly,
and just sweeps everything
off a desk in front of you.
You've been a witch and
a storyteller and a bard
your entire life, so
you slap this book down.
This book sits in front of
you. It's what you wished for.
It has your answer, and you
put it out in front of you,
and the pages are blank,
there's nothing written inside.
There's nothing here. There's
no instructions, no anything.
- I write, Jack, can you hear me?
- Can you hear me fades,
but the name Jack remains.
- Where are you?
- Where are you fades, Jack remains.
- Okay, I think I want to sit with this
and write a bunch of stuff out.
I just write. I write the
whole day, essentially.
- You just write as much as you can.
In this moment of horror,
lightning cracking outside,
you hear... [chuckles]
There's no way you'll find
them all in time, Goose.
I'll tell you right now, a night is coming
where you're going to get desperate enough
to make your last wish,
and then you and me will get to wander.
Give me a check as you are writing.
It can be investigation,
it can be performance,
whichever you want it to be.
- Can I do insight?
- Yeah, you can do insight.
- Dirty 20.
- You look.
You've been going in the
direction of, like, literal.
You've been going like,
I have to go literal.
I have to do something
that would, where is Jack?
How do I get him back?
You look over and see your husband
is going into your library
and just collecting books
and bringing books of magic
and wonder and miracles
and wishes and everything
like that out that he can.
Piling the books out, you look out
in the middle of the floor
and see a stain in the wood.
It's an old stain there
from a long time ago
where your young son
let a candle burn down all
the way, almost to the floor,
and the melted wax came
and stained the wood.
It's one of the many
casualties of messy kids.
You see where the wood was
stained by the melted wax
from him jumping back
and forth over a candle
over and over and over again
when he was a young boy,
and you get this tingling sensation,
some feeling that you made
a wish to get your son back.
There's a way to do this,
but you're still in a place of fear.
You're still trying to
say, what's going on?
How do I get him back?
Wrestling with this horror.
But you suddenly have the
idea or the thought of,
what if I just described my son?
What if I described what
it was that I wanted?
- I think after he did that,
one of my nursery rhymes,
maybe I write the
candlestick nursery rhyme.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
Jack jump over the candlestick.
[lightning booming]
- Light fills the room. The books move.
Outside, you hear... [honks]
You see that the gander,
a 15 foot tall goose,
black as midnight with a
dinosaur-like craning head
on a long neck, eyes of sickly yellow,
the blood red bonnet on it's head.
- Who put that on you? Did
you put that on yourself?
- I put it on myself! Honk!
Is abjured and compelled into
the storm clouds above you.
Golden light. The books rise.
You see a window
open in the pages.
You see Jack as he was,
or maybe as he was always meant to be,
because Jack as you knew him
had stumbled into some ill-gotten wealth
and sometimes hung around with
layabouts and cads and rakes.
and sometimes hung around with
layabouts and cads and rakes.
He had not become maybe
the most honorable man,
but he wasn't bad, either.
- He was such a good boy.
- And you see in the light
of the pages, illuminated,
your son looking healthy and well,
standing at the beginning of a road
going off towards a Pottingham
that appears to not be
in this long period of flooding
you've been having here.
The sky above it isn't gray,
as it's been for so long recently.
Your son turns to look
at you and goes, Dad.
- Jack.
- I'm still here.
I'm still here.
The book, it can save so
much more than just me.
It can save so much more.
- What do you mean? What do I do with it?
- I have to...
And you see he begins to
run down the road and says,
you'll find them!
I know you will! And he
runs faster than wind.
You actually have never
seen Jack run this fast.
Something in your words,
he's running faster than the western wind,
faster than light, faster
than sound, and vanishes,
and the book closes, and you
see that the words you wrote
shimmer and become illuminated.
The very first J in
your son's name spreads
in all of these colors of ink,
and the story looks beautiful, preserved.
You know your son is somewhere else.
As you look behind you,
those bones are gone,
with just a few motes of golden light.
Henry looks at you. That was him?
I heard his voice.
- Yes, yes.
We're going to get him.
- You and your husband spend
that night in reflection,
and as morning comes,
you heed your son's words.
That gander is gone for the moment,
but you feel its presence,
and you know that in your second wish,
it gave you the tool of its own undoing.
Mother Goose, this book's
got a lot of blank pages.
[Ally exhales]
You are coming out of
your momentary trance
of having seen a vision of
the gander, and Little Red-
- It looked so stupid in the bonnet.
Still in the f*cking bonnet.
- Yeah, also a red bonnet is
kind of encroaching on my look.
- Yeah, exactly.
- So now I have a personal grudge.
- Thank you so much for
not wearing them anymore.
I know I asked you that,
and it was a really
vulnerable moment for me
to ask a child to not wear
something in their wardrobe.
- Honestly, I really appreciate guidance
from authority figures, so, I mean.
- [Ally] I'm very proud of you.
- I like to have someone
policing my fashion.
- Okay, well, no, I never want to do that.
- You said you're a cursed man?
- Who said that?
- We've been here the whole time.
- [Ally] Oh, interesting.
- You called Bandlebridge
a f*ck and he ran off.
- Hello, hello.
- Yes.
- I'm Timothy Goose.
- Hi, you can call me Pib.
- Oh, Pib.
- And I'm Prince Pinocchio.
- Mister, or?
- Not Mister.
- Prince Pinocchio?
- Yes.
- And Mr. Pib, great.
- Well.
[Brennan laughs]
- Well, is this a good
time to introduce myself?
- Oh.
- My gosh.
- Hello, I'm the Princess
Rosamund of Reverie.
If you're a prince, please, Sir Prince,
tell me what kingdom
that you are a prince of,
for perhaps we are related.
- Yes, I'm also a prince.
- Oh, you too?
- This is all temporary.
- We're cousins three times.
- I heard you talking about curses.
- You're cousins three
times? What does that mean?
- Royals.
- Okay.
- Just a lot of intermarriage.
- Royal stuff.
- Just royal stuff.
- You would understand.
- We know all the kingdoms around here.
- He gets it.
- I look over at Pib.
Yes, I am a Prince of Shoeberg.
- Shoeberg.
- I'm a Prince of Shoeberg.
- My goodness.
- Where we're going.
- Well, I've been asleep for 100 years.
- That's what's interesting,
is that that is where we are going.
- Fascinating, so perhaps you would allow
two royal travelers to-
- Yes, we're sort of misplaced
at the moment, we figured-
- Momentarily misplaced, humbled.
- Find some royalty in Shoeberg.
- But not for long,
because my true love is
going to come save me.
- That's true, and I'm
going to find my wife,
and everything is fine,
she still loves me.
- So if momentarily we could
stay with you at your castle
maybe for two or three years.
- Yes.
- Just normal royal stuff.
- Normal royal stuff.
- Two or three years?
- Yes.
- A classic royal welcome.
- A measurement of time that
is not upsetting to a cat.
- Not at all.
Well, you may have noticed
that though I am a prince,
I am currently in a cursed form.
- I hear that.
- Oh!
- What's your curse? When did it start?
- My curse, well,
without getting too deep into the weeds,
I was sort of a spoiled
prince back in the day.
Then I became, the person
was like, you're a bad guy.
Turned me into a frog.
I changed my ways, became
very nice and giving,
met my wife, the Princess
Elody, and we fell in love,
and then I turned into a
human and everything was fine.
- Oh, and then when happened?
- This.
- So you turned into a human, and then...
- And then now I'm turning back.
- Okay, yeah.
- Turning back, temporarily.
But we can stop it, because
I'm not a full frog yet.
- Yes, mine as well.
I played a witch, and
so now I've been cursed
until I can throw 40
gold pieces into a well
back in my hometown.
- Oh my goodness.
That's so tragic.
- Yes, it's very. Very tragic.
- My grandma died.
- Oh dear.
- And I'm pretty sure I have pinkeye.
- Oh no!
- You poor little girl.
- Yeah, it just kind of
bulges out sometimes.
It has nothing to do with exertion.
- Yeah, we've been
trying to figure it out.
I keep saying drink more
water, drink more water.
Here's my ceramic jug.
- I'm freaking waterlogged.
- Well, what kind of prince would I be
if I didn't take care of my...
People who a prince...
- Subjects?
- Subjects, yes!
If I didn't take care of my subjects,
so I'm sure we'll try and
do something to welcome you,
and we'll try and do something for you.
- Yes, and I think the
nicest thing we could do
is bring you all back to our quarters.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I mean, unless the
prince has another idea.
- [Lou] No, if you think-
- I can wait outside if
it's about the pinkeye.
- No, everyone, Lord Bainbridge
will welcome you all.
- You saying that, actually,
maybe I have pinkeye.
- I wouldn't get too close.
- I don't think he has
pinkeye. Do I look like him?
- No. Nobody looks like him.
- [Murph] I tongue a fly.
- So Pinocchio and Pib, you guys,
you're inviting these people
back into the quarters?
- [Lou] We are.
- You take them back.
I'm going to go find Mr. Bandlebridge.
- What do you mean? You're
going to leave me with everyone?
- You guys see that a small
fireplace is being set up.
Boffit has this sort of
silvery barked birch log
that you see sparkles
with a little bit of enchantment on it.
You see he says, all right,
Miss Hen, right here?
You see that the matron of the caravan,
a giant chicken, comes out.
She comes out.
The one article of clothing
she has is a little sunhat,
the kind that has that
kind of diaphanous ribbon
that kind of ties it under her chin.
- It's nighttime?
- What's that?
- It's nighttime and
she's in a little sunhat?
- [Brennan] It's nighttime,
yes. It's absolutely nighttime.
- Could I just say, Timothy,
I actually think you're doubly cursed,
because the fact that
you can't pull off hats
in a kingdom where
there's so many good hats?
- I know, I've tried them all.
I even tried to invent one.
- You want to try mine?
- Okay.
- Can I take mine...
Wait, yeah, I can take mine off.
That's not part of the wood.
- How do I look?
- Looks a little...
- It's very small.
- How does it look?
- Maybe it's the pinkeye,
but you look bad.
- Really?
- I mean, it's definitely a
child's hat on a full grown man.
- How do I look?
Can I wear it for a little while longer?
Maybe just through dinner?
- In the friendliest way possible,
I want to tell you that you look amazing.
- Please, one child to another.
- Oh, thank you.
What if I kind of tilt
it forward a little bit?
- It is better. It is better.
- That's a little better, yeah,
but then the back looks...
- What?
- You can't even see it from the back.
- That's going to fall off if you turn.
- I just feel great.
- You see that this giant red
chicken comes over to Boffit
and goes, all right,
we're gonna serve supper.
Nobody gets to eat if you don't help.
- Okay.
- You don't help, you don't get to eat.
That's the rules. That's the rules.
- What sort of help are you looking for?
- This is insane, isn't it?
- Exactly.
As a prince, could I not
have a second assist?
- We're on our way to Shoeberg
with the Prince of Shoeberg.
- I'm the Prince of Shoeberg.
- Hey.
- You say that as
Bandlebridge walks back in.
[laughing] I'm gonna need some kind of...
- Oh my god.
- Lord Bandlebridge! Hi!
- I'm going to need
some kind of deception,
with disadvantage.
- We took on a lot of water on this one.
- Did we say Shoeberg?
I see you, my friend.
- Deception, disadvantage.
- 13.
Okay, still a 15.
- He's got a minus one.
He says, did I hear you referred to
as the Prince of Shoeberg, Your Highness?
- He's the Prince of Shoeberg.
- That's what he told us.
- We just met him, he's incredible.
This is his hat on my head.
[Emily laughs]
- Yeah, I should, here.
Let's just sort of...
- Tell me. So, well of course,
I am aware you are not
the Prince of Shoeberg.
What are you, pray tell, the prince of?
- Where are you from? Just
say where you're from.
- It's a village!
- Just say whatever it is.
- Well, I-
- Well, well, well.
I see that this caravan
is not safe for nobility.
I suspected
that you were a charlatan, a troubadour.
I suspected that you were a raconteur.
- Can I cast Silvery
Barbs, because this man
is shouting at a child,
and that would bother me?
- I actually will say, instead of that,
if you want to cast a spell,
I will let you have advantage
on an intimidation check
if you want to stand up to this guy.
- Definitely.
- Cool, cool.
- Okay.
- Here we go.
- Shut up!
Okay, okay, intimidation? I
probably don't add much to that.
Okay, 19.
- 19.
He says, a raconteur! What do you-
- You speak to a child like that?
Be quiet! I have my pointy broom.
You stop!
[Brennan shrieks]
I think he is the Prince
of Shoeberg, okay?
I have a sense for these
things. I work with children.
Some of them are scary and bad
and you can see a bad future,
but some of them are beautiful and good,
and this child is beautiful and good.
- I'm going to try to pull
that scroll out of his pocket.
- Okay, give me a sleight of hand.
- 15.
- All right.
With a five on the die,
you grab the scroll.
He backs off. You see he
says, threatening me with a...
Ah! Ah!
He backs away.
His guards kind of look
confused for a second.
You feel a presence
move towards your side.
The warrior from the chariot
who, now that he's in the light
of the coach lanterns a little bit more,
he's about six foot four,
hugely muscular old man.
- Okay, just kind of sidled up to me.
- Sidled up to you.
You see he's got a greatsword on his back,
sort of a leather breastplate,
and a salt and pepper, more
salt than pepper, goatee,
with a shaved head.
- I kind of lean back.
I'm taken but, just, you're large.
- He looks and says, I
agree with my friend.
Looking at the broom
and the book, he says,
I wouldn't cross a witch
if I were you, my friend.
You have precious few friends
in this caravan, Lord Bainbridge.
Bandlebridge.
- He said that. That's
exactly what he said.
- The warrior next to you leans in,
getting your back in this
intimidation, and just goes,
I would be a little bit less nosy, milord.
I think you seem to have a
lot of pride for Shoeberg.
Your city's nothing more
than a festering boil
on the face of the Neverafter.
Maybe keep those thoughts
to yourself more next time.
And Lord Bandlebridge just takes his men
and goes into the shoe and leaves.
- Can I make an insight check to see
if we could still go in the shoe?
- Oh my god.
- Give me an insight check.
- I got a nat one.
- No way!
- You think he wants you to come with him
into the shoe right now.
- Pib, I think we might as well go.
- Go where?
- Into the shoe.
- I don't know.
- Come on, come on.
- [Zac] It doesn't seem
like we should go in.
- I'm the Prince of Shoeberg.
I'm the Prince of Shoeberg.
- Absolutely.
- I'll join you all very shortly.
- That's the one guy who knows
you're not the Prince of Shoeberg.
- Come on, Pib. Come on. I'm
going to head into the shoe.
- You go. Go ahead and-
- Lord Bainbridge, one second. I'm coming.
- Bainbridge!
- You walk in behind him.
You see one of the
coachmen is at the door.
He looks up and says, are
you trying to come inside?
- Well, yes.
- What is your name?
- My name is Stephan. Stephan.
- Stephan?
- Stephan.
- You're both bad, so we got you.
- What do you mean?
- What?
- I'm sorry?
- We both got you.
- Stephan's being crazy out here.
- Lord Bainbridge, Stephan is being crazy!
- The lord comes out,
looks at you, and says,
no no, let them enter.
- Thank you. See, Stephan?
Idiot. I'm a prince, goddammit.
I'm the Prince of Shoeberg.
- Can I help?
I mean, I'm caring about
him as a little sweet child.
- You stupid m*therf*cker.
- I've never heard a child speak
in these words, and I am tittilated.
- Hey, hey, I'm the f*cking... [laughs]
- I think I'm watching in the doorway
and deciding not to help.
- You see Stephan says,
you're going to die.
- Oh, I'm going to die?
I'm the Prince of Shoeberg, m*therf*cker.
I literally gently push
his face away as I walk in.
- All right, and Mother Goose,
what are you doing in this moment?
- I think I'm trying to pull
the puppet back, I think.
- Okay, okay. Yes, you do so.
How are you attempting to do that?
- I think we can all see
that this is bad, correct?
Yeah, I'm just saying, oh.
- I mean, if you say the word,
you can sic your soldier on the situation.
- Okay, please get it.
He can't go in there.
- Okay.
- He can't go in there.
- A deep, guttural snarl comes
out, and a huge, hairy paw.
[Lou shrieks]
- Grabs you, pulls you.
Pinocchio, as you get grabbed,
you do see the two guards
are drawing blades as you get yoinked.
- Yes, sh**t her!
[Players laughing]
Save me!
- Chaotic entitled.
- Save your prince!
- Chaotic entitled alignment.
- He is a prince!
- So you see, Red, you pull him out.
You see Bandlebridge
goes, seize the puppet!
And the two soldiers come out.
I actually am going to ask
for anyone who wants to
to roll initiative.
- But we have beefy babe.
- I think I'm not rolling initiative.
I'm just shoving the puppet behind me
and then taking a power stance.
- Okay, we will not enter initiative.
One of them is going to roll.
- But I have gone into a rage
when I pushed him back.
- Yes.
Okay, one of the soldiers hits.
- Who?
- Red, hits Ylfa.
- What?
- Excuse me.
Are you hitting a child?
- One of these guys attacks a child.
- Are you, a fully grown
man, attacking a child?
- I challenge you to a duel,
sir. I pull out my little book.
- Oh, you don't have to worry about me.
- You see a sword blow comes down
for nine points of damage, halved to-
- Yeah, I catch it with a hairy half-paw
and I say, I don't think
you want this fight.
- No!
- Can you give me
intimidation with advantage?
And go ahead and add your
strength modifier to that as well.
- Okay, I was going to say,
I have a minus one to charisma, so.
Okay, that is a 14.
- As you go up to catch the sword...
[wolf howls]
Catch it. He looks.
A little bit of blood trickles down.
You're in the dark.
You can smell the smoke of the candles
that have been blown out.
You hear whimpering.
Children in the cottage.
Your siblings.
It's night, and you've
finally made it back home.
You know that there are people inside.
You can smell them, but
the doors are locked.
- I tap very gently, because
I don't want to wake anyone.
Mom? Mom?
- You tap quite gently.
Maybe they didn't hear.
- Okay, I tap on a window.
Mom, this is really serious.
Something really serious is happening.
- You tap on the window.
Scratches left on the glass from claws.
- I hide that hand. Mom?
Mom? Mom?
- Get away from here!
- Mom, I just, if you
could just let me in,
I could explain everything.
I'm sorry that I strayed. It
turned out that you were right.
I really shouldn't have strayed,
and there were great consequences.
I wish you had warned me how
serious the consequences were,
because I thought it was
just about wasting time,
but it was much, much, much more grave.
Please, Mom, let me in! Is
the door barred, because-
- I don't know what you are.
I don't know what you are,
but my daughter is dead.
No she's not, she's right here.
She's right here, she's not dead.
- Wear her skin all you like, but I know.
Look at you!
And you see that a silver
looking glass is held up.
- I hiss.
Mom, I think there's just been
a terrible misunderstanding.
Mom, Grandma is dead. Grandma is dead.
We have to talk about
this. Grandma's dead.
I don't have anywhere to go if not here.
Mom, please, it feels
like the door is barred,
and I can't get in, and I don't know
what I might do to try to get in.
- You don't know what you might try to do?
- No! Well, yes.
Mom, I don't know what's going on.
Please, I know you think
I'm dead, but I'm not.
I'm very, very alive, and
without some guidance...
I'm scared.
- You hear a voice from inside.
We know that the wolf can
wear the clothes of others.
We know it can mimic their voice.
Our only hope is that with the morrow,
the woodsman will come.
We know.
- Yeah, the woodsman doesn't come.
Don't count on the f*cking woodsman.
I'm sorry I cursed. I'm sorry I cursed.
I'm sorry I cursed.
- All right. All right, all right.
Don't hurt us. Don't do
anything to the home.
- I won't, I won't, I won't.
- Come to the door.
- Okay.
- And I will let you in.
- Okay, okay, thank you.
Okay, I get all of my clothing
as neat and presentable
as possible, and I put
my hand in my pocket.
[tense, stringed music]
And I stand at the door. Okay,
I'm here now, I'm here now.
Will you please open the door?
- Give me a dexterity saving throw.
- No!
- Oh god.
- It's for a hug, right?
- It's for a hug!
- How good a hug do you give?
- How deep the hug will be.
- That's a seven.
- Straightening your
clothes, you add a tear
to your special red cloak that
your grandmother made you.
You're stronger than you
can imagine, and in the-
- It's fine. I can fix it, I can fix it.
- Give me a wisdom saving throw.
- No.
- Nat 20.
- Yes!
- You can fix it. You can fix it.
- I can fix it, I can fix
it. I can fix everything.
Something's gone seriously
wrong. I can fix it.
- On that nat 20, I'm
going to give you advantage
on the perception check that comes next.
Go ahead and give me a perception check.
- Two and a seven, and to
perception I add a two, so a nine.
- Nine. You stand there.
You can fix everything.
You can fix everything.
- I can fix everything, I just
need my mom to open the door.
And she'll tell me what to do.
- You hear the door unlock,
and you hear your mother's voice.
The door's open. You can let yourself in.
- Okay. I let myself in.
I walk in. Everything's normal.
Everything's back to normal,
and everyone's happy.
Grandma, we'll figure out.
- You open the door, and
falling from the tall clock
that had been set against it,
the silver blade of a
dagger thuds into your arm.
I'm going to need you to make
another wisdom saving throw.
- Four.
Who threw that? Mom?
- Run, run! You hear the
back door of the house open.
This was a trap.
It was put here to pierce
your throat or your heart
with a silver dagger, and you,
on that four wisdom saving throw,
feel something boiling up inside you.
- You lured me in with your own love?
You f*cking scam of a woman.
You f*cking scam of a woman.
[Emily sighs heavily]
I guess I just kind of want to...
Did they leave through the back door?
Did they leave through the back door?
- 11 or higher and they left.
- My head!
- That's a seven.
They haven't made it out of the house yet.
[Lou wails]
- I think I want to stalk over to them.
I want to flip the f*cking
table with the nice dinner,
with one less setting out on it,
and say, did you have a nice dinner?
Did you all sit down to a nice dinner
while you presumed I was dead?
If I was so dead, where was my funeral?
- Your shoulders and head
touch the ceiling as you grow tall.
- Where's my headstone?
- You hear a voice from the forest.
Breathe in. You must
not forget to breathe.
As you go... [exhales deeply]
The table, without a place for you,
the mother who would not believe you,
your family that
attempted to flee from you
in your moment of need...
[wind howling]
The windows shatter.
The rafters peel away.
Wind moves, and your family
is blown into the sky.
- What?
- Huff and puff, little one.
- What have you done to me?
- You are standing with the
blade of a sword in your hand.
- Can I whap the soldier
who did that with the broom?
Can I whap him?
- Yes, you may whap him.
- Whap him.
- Hi-ya!
Okay, so that's a six plus one. Seven.
[Ally shouts]
- You see Bandlebridge
from the doorway goes,
we're going to call it here,
we're staying in the boot.
The guy lets go of his sword
and says, with my regards.
They all walk back into the shoe carriage.
- I hug you.
- I don't stop clutching the
sword. I think that went well.
- Yes, you did a great
job. You did a great job.
- You're cursed?
- I mean, who isn't in
the time of shadows?
- That's true.
- Gifted, really.
- I was saying that what's
going on with you seems,
I mean, more useful than
what's happening to me.
I don't think I could
grab a sword like that.
- Useful in some situations,
but there are situations
in which it's quite
the opposite of useful.
- Yes.
- I owe you my thanks.
- And you are not the Prince of Shoeberg.
- Yeah, who are you really?
- Yeah, who are you really?
Because you said you were a child,
but when I mentioned
playing bridge or gin rummy,
you didn't recognize either card game.
- Classic young child games.
- That's what me and
Grandma played all the time.
- And that had to do with
the fact that you were a kid
and not that she was a grandma.
- This is what kids do.
- What should we say?
- I don't know.
- Look, in the times of shadows,
we have done many things
to survive and, you know,
we're not bad people.
- No, we're survivors.
- And we were maybe less than
honest with Lord Bandlebridge.
- Yes, my name is Pinocchio,
but I'm not a prince.
I'm just a little wooden boy.
- Okay.
- And I am just merely
a sweet cat who can talk.
That's, I mean, the
entire story, I believe.
- Yes, and we've just
been helping each other
take care of each other.
- Help when you can, where you...
What are your names?
I believe we have yet to become friends.
- Rosamund. I put my
hand out to be kissed.
- I'll kiss it.
I leave my lips on too long
because I've never done this before.
- Just a quick peck.
- Okay. Well, Red, okay.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- It's not your own hand.
- Right, I know.
- Prince Gerard of Greenleigh.
- Timothy Goose. Put it there.
- I will.
- I'm Little Red Riding Hood.
- I scratch you behind
your ears. Timothy Goose.
- Ylfa, but most people call
me Little Red Riding Hood.
Red Hood, if you want.
No one ever has, no one should.
- We'll probably just say Red.
- I think we'll go with Red.
Little Red Riding Hood's
kind of a mouthful.
- Hood seems like a stretch.
- You made that last part up.
- Yeah, did you, kind of?
- I made the last part up.
- Sometimes I add nicknames, also.
- Look, who doesn't fib at these times?
- For those of you here,
you see that the red hen
who appears to be sort
of running the caravan
is getting stuff for dinner
ready and says, last call.
I'll tell you right
now, if you don't help,
you're not gonna eat, so you
better have your own food.
- I'll help.
I'm going to tell some stories, I guess,
by the fire, like I was first asked to.
But before I leave, can we
talk to the strong stranger?
- Yeah, you see that he
actually does have some food
on the side of his chariot,
and there's a pot of stew going
that people can add ingredients to.
He looks at you and says, well met.
You seem very capable
with that broom there,
though perhaps not as capable with a broom
as your companion here
is with her own hands.
- Yes, it's true, she's
much stronger than me,
but I still beat her in pushups.
- Yeah, he can do more pushups
than anyone in the whole world.
- I want you two to give me
insight checks into this fellow.
- This here fellow.
- Yikes, six.
- Seven.
- And who might you be?
- I'm called Cole.
It is a strange happenstance
that brings us here together
on our way to Shoeberg,
one of the last cities
it's possible to travel to.
- You called it a
cesspool, I think, earlier?
- You called it a boil.
- A boil, a festering boil.
- A festering boil.
- A festering boil.
- What don't you like about Shoeberg?
I've never been, actually.
I don't think any of us...
Have you guys ever been, really?
- No.
- Other than being the prince of it?
- I've never traveled
further than Grandma's.
- It's, you know, at the best of times,
back when Shoeberg was much
smaller than it is now,
it started as a bit of, well,
the woman who founded Shoeberg
was not a kind woman,
and in her day, she grew
to be quite prosperous,
styled herself a great lady,
granted lordships to all of her many sons.
It's not a kind place,
and it never has been,
but it's very wealthy now,
and so it draws many people
into its fold to fleece,
chew up, and spit out.
It is a sour thing to swallow that
many more deserving places
have faced ruin in this time.
- Where are you from?
- Doesn't exist anymore.
- Where were you from?
Sometimes the best way to keep
it alive is to remember it.
- I smile so big at that.
- I'm learning from you.
- [Brennan] I came from
a kingdom called Jubilee.
It was a merry place.
- [Siobhan] You don't seem very merry.
- I was, once, before times became hard,
and I got to watch all of
my bannermen, my knights,
soldiers and lords, fall
one after the other.
Now, I and I alone am here.
- Even the fiddlers?
- Had you heard of my kingdom's fiddlers?
- The fiddlers three.
- He smiles and stands up.
Well, I'm s...
Who are you?
- I am Princess Rosamund
du Prix of Reverie, as was.
My kingdom has also been taken.
- Your Highness, it is an honor.
- And I am the Prince
Gerard of Greenleigh.
Actually, you were out amongst
the fighting, it sounds?
Did you happen upon a
princess from Greenleigh
that was fighting and
not thinking about ba*ls?
- A time came when we were still holding
onto the castle lands
where a troop of cavalry
came in with a Princess
Elody of Greenleigh.
She was a magnificent
warrior, massive golden mace,
She was a magnificent
warrior, massive golden mace,
shining armor, a terror to
behold on the b*ttlefield.
- Really?
- This is your wife?
- Yes, and that was...
We had another thing.
We weren't, I don't, the
fighting part wasn't, like,
my thing so much, so
I didn't know about...
Did you see, is she okay? Where did she-
- My entire kingdom has fallen,
so I'm not really in touch with anyone.
- Me neither.
- I am, to my knowledge,
the last survivor of
the Kingdom of Jubilee.
- Wow.
- Wow, wow.
- My goodness, what a sad story.
- And just to ask, have you heard anything
about the Kingdom of Marienne?
- I heard Marienne was overrun by giants.
- Yes, and that's the end?
- One of many lands
that has come to ruin and
misfortune, I'm afraid.
- Can I tug on Timothy's sleeve? Timothy.
- Yeah?
- I think from traveling with you,
I'm thinking very literary,
and when this guy said
that this place was a
boil, it made me think
of when my grandma used to get bedsores
and we had to lance them and drain them.
I wonder if that's what we're
supposed to do with this.
I mean, if we're thinking of
the Neverafter as diseased,
then a boil would need to be...
- It's where something
is coming to the surface.
- Yeah!
- You'll get to see
what is under there.
- Yeah.
- Get a sample or something.
- Yeah.
- Okay, that's great thinking.
I just write in the book, boil.
- [Both] Does it stay?
- Does it get really beautiful?
One page, a gorgeous B.
Boil, the end.
- I think it becomes a little bit murky,
but Cole sits there, is talking to you.
I want to just real quick
make sure that I know
what everyone's doing in case
you are helping, not helping.
- I'm going to go out
into the forest and say,
little birds, little creatures!
I sure would love to have some help
gathering some nuts and berries!
- Give me a nature check.
- Nat one.
- Nat one.
- Into the Blackwood.
- Into the Blackwood.
- A primeval forest.
- You see a-
- Oh my god, whatever this is!
- You see coming out of the ferns
an enormous, scaly, unfeathered ostrich.
- Hello. Never mind.
- You sure? You all good?
- I don't want to bother you.
You seem busy, I can-
- You don't want help?
- I can do it myself.
- You think I can't sew
a nice dress for a ball?
- I bet you'd be really
good at sewing a nice dress
for a ball, but I don't think I'm going
to any ba*ls anytime soon, so thank you.
- I know that story! [laughs]
And walks off into the woods.
- Oh my god.
- I start gathering some nuts
and berries into my dress.
- I'm going to go help.
I don't know how, Puss in
Boots is going over there
kind of like, I'm helping,
but he has no skills.
- Where like, four people
are carrying a couch,
and you walk up and put
your hands underneath.
- I'm with Puss.
I think I go over to the
red hen, because we're going
to have to figure out
somewhere to sleep tonight.
- You go over to the red hen,
and as you're sort of
looking to look busy,
you do know that some people
are just bringing food.
There's a bunch of barrels and crates
and stuff of the Chandling Caravan
that you could definitely just grab
some f*cking potatoes out of or some sh*t.
- Oh yeah, I would go do that for sure.
- I would accompany Puss as well.
- You grab some potatoes
from somewhere. You go in.
In one of these carriages,
you see that there's a
little, small coach door
that you see has its key in
it, which is just interesting,
because it probably should be locked
if there's a key that goes along with it.
- What is that?
- There's a door with a key in it.
- Obviously open it.
- I mean, of course.
Can I do a quick perception check?
Or am I not tall enough
to look into the carriage?
- No, you can look into the carriage.
You can go in there. Give me a check.
- That's a 21.
- There's someone in there.
- Someone?
- There's someone in there.
And Pinocchio,
Puss shouldn't come with you.
- Puss, there's somebody in there.
I think, get back to the
fire. Go back to the fire.
Just go, go, go.
- Okay.
Pib is just going to go towards the fire,
but is looking and watching.
- Give me a stealth check, and
you can give me a perception.
- 24 on the stealth.
- 12 on the perception.
- Okay, and then you can give me
a perception check for hearing.
- I just rolled a 13.
- 13.
- I wait until I think
Pib is out of sight.
Then, quick as I can, turn
the key and jump inside.
- You walk into the door
knowing what to expect already,
because by the time you
close the door behind you,
you're not standing inside of a carriage.
You're standing at the
end of a long hallway.
At the end, through the darkness,
little seams of light from
a doorway, the door shut.
As it opens, all you can see
and all you have ever
seen, her silhouette.
- Hi, Mom. Do you need something?
- You've met someone,
someone very important,
my little Pinocchio.
- Oh, is it...
Who is it? We met a couple of folks.
There was Tim. Tim,
the guy with the broom.
There was the frog guy whose
name I don't really remember.
Oh, and then there was Red,
the girl who, she actually saved me.
- The Princess of Reverie.
- Oh yeah, she wanted me to kiss her hand.
- The princess will be very important
in the days to come, Pinocchio.
- Okay.
- She is being hunted.
- Hunted?
- Hunted by more forces than she knows.
I need you to keep her safe, Pinocchio,
and I need you to keep her hidden.
You will not be able to
withstand what comes for her,
so you must remain out of sight.
- Safe and hidden.
Okay, yeah, I can do that.
Yeah, Mom, you got it.
You got it. For how long?
- I will instruct you when the time comes.
An opportunity may
present itself to remove
the princess from danger.
- Okay.
- But that time will be a
very narrow window indeed.
Great and many are the forces
that conspire against us,
and I am busy and much burdened
with caring for your father.
- He's okay? Dad, he's doing all right?
- When I married him, I told
you I would keep him safe.
- I know, I know, I know. Okay, cool.
Me and Puss were going to
try and make some money
in Shoeberg, but if you
say this is important.
- The time is growing short.
The candle burns low, Pinocchio.
You remember the night that first we met.
You are standing in the village.
The other children have been playing
out under the light of the full moon,
playing late when they should be in bed.
You run through the streets
with limbs made of flesh,
real hair on your head.
A little boy, a real little boy.
It's very quick and sudden
how the shadow moves on the village.
A woman clad in black,
frayed like spiderwebs,
but beautiful, moving as
though blown by a breeze
with no wind to speak of,
leaning on a tall staff,
her face pointed, her eyes wide.
This is when you realize you are looking
at the second fairy you
have ever met in your life.
Hello, little children,
and welcome, one and all.
If it's a game you want,
then a game you shall have.
A white orb, silky and
glowing like the moon,
appears in her hand.
That looks like the most
fun ball you've ever seen.
- Let's play! Let's play!
- Now, little children, play we might,
but it's very important...
For a moment, you almost feel
like you can see something
moving in the shadows, in the streets,
something quick and skittering.
Maybe just shadows flickering,
or maybe something small,
like rats moving through the village.
And you, little one. Here
is how we shall play.
I shall ask you a question,
and if you answer true,
you will have your turn
when we all play ball.
You see that the first
little child smiles,
looks up in delight.
Little one, what is the
name of your father?
My daddy's name is Nico.
Out in the village, you hear a scream.
The child looks behind them.
No, no. Keep your eyes on me, little one.
What of your father's name?
The next child says the name.
A scream again.
Moving down the line,
children start to weep,
knowing that something
terrible is happening.
She comes to you.
Little boy, what's your name?
- My name is Pinocchio.
- Pinocchio.
And what is your father's name?
- Daniel.
- No scream comes.
Your body drops dead to the ground,
and you wake up hanging from your strings
in your father's house
as he breathes in and turns,
and you are with your benefactor
in the long hallway again.
and you are with your benefactor
in the long hallway again.
- Of course I remember.
- You have been telling
many lies, Pinocchio.
I hope you can manage them all.
Much trickery and guile
will be required for the coming days.
Do not let the princess
stray from your sight, you understand?
- Yes, Mom.
- It is such an honor
to be your stepmother, Pinocchio.
The door closes, the shadows recede,
and that's all for this
episode of Dimension 20.
Join us next week for
episode two of Neverafter.
[Brennan cackling]
You may have your way forward,
but it will come at a cost.
I do not think it will come to you
in any other way but in dealing death.
- We are specifically
supposed to not stray, right?
- Well, we can stray. We
just have to stray together.
- [Brennan] It is unfair and unjust,
the burden now placed upon you.
- I'm a monster.
- No.
- And I'm embarrassed about it.
- You're not a monster,
you're not a monster!
- All of this is temporary,
you know what I mean?
- Is it?
- I don't know.
- I can't trust the authority figure.
- Much reason to be scared.
- Oh!
- Feels like you have no idea
what you are dealing with.
- Address me by my name.
- Woo!
- You're awake!
- No, Red!
- No!
- No!
- I think... [laughs]
I think we should stop.
[ominous music]
[ominous music continues]
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16x01 - The Times of Shadow
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.