1
- Is that yes, we're going?
We are going! [laughing]
We are fully going!
But sometimes people are talking...
Hey, we're having a ball, g*ng.
Welcome to "Dimension 20" at RTX.
I'm your humble Dungeon Master.
What's that? Are we going?
We are going? We are going!
Good! I'm your humble
Dungeon Master [laughing]
Brennan Lee Mulligan!
And with me are some of
our wonderful and amazing intrepid heroes.
Say hi, intrepid heroes!
- Hi, intrepid heroes! Ooh.
I think the camera is on Zac,
but I would love to do my intro
while [laughing] seeing Zac's face.
[all laughing]
- Hell yes. Uh, Emily Axford!
- Hi, intrepid heroes.
[Zac laughing]
- Hi, intrepid heroes.
[Emily laughing]
- [Brennan] Siobhan Thompson!
- Hi, I'm Zac Oyama.
- [Brennan] Ooh, we're feeling very silly!
Uh, Ally Beardsley!
- Hi, intrepid heroes. I'm Zac Oyama.
[Emily laughing]
- [Brennan] And finally, Brian.
- Hi, intrepid heroes! I'm Zac Oyama.
- I think...
But Emily started off being weird,
and why are we going for me?
[all laughing]
- Oh, I didn't get to say it.
I am Zac Oyama.
- sh*t!
- Thank you.
[others laughing]
- I am Zac Oyama.
- I am Zac Oyama.
- And sending tons of love to Lou Wilson,
who, wherever he is, is also Zac Oyama.
[Emily laughing]
[laughs] Could not get out-
- Lou!
- Shout-out to Lou.
Lou could not be here today,
but he sends his love
to all of you watching.
Without further ado,
we return to the world of Spyre.
In the nation of Solace,
in the town of Elmville,
in the driveway of Mordred Manor,
after the events of...
For those of you who are watching,
you're going, "Hey, what in
the heck is "Dimension 20"?"
We're College Humor's actual play show,
with a bunch of College Humor cast members
who've come together to
do a bunch of adventures.
We've done a bunch of quests together
and been a bunch of different people,
but we're returning to the
world it all started in,
of "Fantasy High", our
show with teen adventurers
that attend the Aguefort
Adventuring Academy,
a high school for heroes.
Our heroes have saved the world
so many times at this point,
but we're doing a fun
little one-shot today
where they don't have to
worry about saving the world,
'cause they're just before the beginning
of their junior year at the
Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
Their parents have encouraged them
to go on a college campus tour
to check out some of the
adventuring colleges.
There's some parental pressure
maybe to go and see
about higher education.
So, our intrepid heroes, minus Fabian,
who has told everyone that
under no circumstances
will he consider attending
any kind of higher education.
- He said it's a bad investment.
I think...
[Emily laughing]
I don't know. There was
something crazy there, yeah.
- He's an entrepreneur now.
[Emily laughing]
- [laughs] Exactly.
He just mentions a list
of all the different high school heroes
that never went to college,
or dropped out of college,
as a kind of aspirational...
In that weird kind of semi-libertarian...
Just has that vibe to it of, like...
- Right.
He keeps on saying he
wants to be in the 27 Club,
which is crazy.
[others laughing]
But like...
- [laughs] Jesus.
- [laughs] Yeah, it's
college or the 27 Club.
Everyone knows that.
[others laughing]
- Everyone knows you make-
[others laughing]
- Do you mean, like, 30 after 30?
- Amy Winehouse did not go to college.
Wait, yeah, did you mean
mean the suicide club?
- I did not.
I absolutely meant the suicide club.
- Oy vey.
- Good grief!
Last we left off, though,
if you have not watched before,
there are two full
seasons of "Dimension 20"
that feature the adventure
of these lovely characters,
both their freshman year adventures
and then their sophomore year adventures.
So, spoilers ahoy, because
you are stepping into
a continuity and canon which
has had a lot of adventures.
But today doesn't promise to have
any world-threatening
events, or so it would seem,
because our g*ng of heroes
are going to a little trip
to Astral State University,
which is a college for
interplanar adventurers
and those who have graduated
from mere terrestrial adventures
and are interested in
saving not just worlds,
but in fact entire planes of existence.
So we begin our day at Mordred Manor
with not only Jawbone's
trusty old station wagon
out in the driveway
but also the Hangvan,
which will be our vehicle of choice
for crossing these planar boundaries.
As breakfast commotion increases,
let's go around and introduce
our different heroes,
starting with our heroes that
live here at Mordred Manor,
a massive, kind of
haunted-looking Victorian manse
with rickety towers and
octagonal windows in the attic
and a graveyard out back.
This formerly extremely
haunted manor house
is the permanent dwelling place
of Adaine Abernant, Fig
Faeth and Kristen Applebees,
but our other friends
are coming here as well
to suit up, have some
breakfast and get ready
for this fun little family field trip.
We'll start up in the tall
tower with Adaine Abernant.
Adaine, as you awake this morning,
what's going through your head?
What are Adaine's thoughts and feelings
about this college campus tour
that she'll be going on later today?
- Adaine is prepped and ready.
She's done her research.
She has a binder of all
of the different colleges.
She's written her pros and cons.
She's focused and excited and organized,
and this is how she's currently
dealing with her anxiety,
is by writing a lot of lists! [laughs]
[Brennan laughing]
- You sit at the kitchen
table prepping your lists.
Is Boggy in owl or frog
form at the moment?
- Definitely frog form right now.
- Boggy the Froggy, Bogariel
Frogariel, your familiar,
sits perfectly round and happy
to be here on your shoulder.
And you see your sister,
Aelwyn, comes down the stairs
talking with another member of the manor,
Zayn Darkshadow, both of
them happily engaged...
Aelwyn, I think, in a very
sisterly, respectful way,
is not going to be coming on
the college thing with you,
because I think that she knows that
the threat of you and her
attending the same
freshman class would be...
She's giving you your space
to pursue your own interests,
but looks up and says...
- [Aelwyn] Adaine.
I see you have all your
papers stretched out
here on the kitchen table.
Is Astral State up on the list?
Are we, like, checking out
a safety school right now,
or is this one of the sort of...?
[Zac scoffing]
- This one is somewhat of a safety school.
But also, like, is it
a safety school for me
or is it a safety school for...
It's best to check out all the options.
Once you know all of your options,
then you can pick wisely.
- She arches an eyebrow,
with that understanding that
your father is extremely dead
and your mother lost in
a giant haunted forest.
But, there is still an understanding
that in the manner in
which you were both raised,
you even going to check out a state school
is a tremendous middle finger
to your extremely well-heeled parents.
At the kitchen table, you
continue your studies here.
Fig!
[Emily humming]
You awake in your room
underneath the grand piano. [laughing]
[all laughing]
- Yeah.
- Accessible only-
- In your bowl?
- Once again, I have to knock on the floor
to get someone to play
the chords to open it.
[Siobhan laughing]
Hello? Help me?
- You hear a voice on the...
- [Jawbone] Oh, hey there, kiddo!
Yeah, let me go get it.
What is it? Uh, do-re-mi...
- Yeah.
I'm smoking cloves in here
and it's getting really, really toxic.
[others laughing]
- [Jawbone] Oh, god!
Kiddo, you gotta be careful about that.
- I know.
- Jawbone makes a couple
of performance checks
to try to open the piano,
eventually his the right chord,
and so the piano flips.
[others laughing]
And Jawbone gives you a hand
out of there, and he goes...
- [Jawbone] Again, a door, a staircase.
There's all kinds of stuff...
- Jawbone, I like the challenge.
- [Jawbone] But here's the thing.
It's not a challenge for you.
I get stressed out to
play the piano correctly.
- I know, but this way I make sure
that I never have to be the first one up.
Because how lonely would that be?
[Ally laughing]
- You see...
- You're never alone when you're trapped!
[all laughing]
- And a wave of clove smoke
cigarettes just pours out!
[Brennan imitating puff of smoke]
- See Sandra Lynn walks in and goes...
- [Sandra Lynn] God, sweetie. What the?
- Let me...
Very fuzzy right now.
Let's come back in. Did that work?
Yay!
- Yeah.
- [Sandra Lynn] God, sweetie.
It's like pea soup in here.
[Zac imitating choking]
How many cloves were you smoking in there?
- I just lit the whole pack.
- God, what a nightmare!
- Put 'em on, like, a
little incense stick.
- You see your mom-
- I'm just gonna get you-
- Is like busy getting
a bunch of snacks ready
and putting bags together.
She's doing her ranger thing
even thought you're just
going to a college campus.
[Emily laughing]
But she's like.
- [Sandra Lynn] All right.
We're getting all kinds of stuff ready.
It's the Astral realm,
so we're gonna put a rune
of sort of a planar
bubble around the Hangvan.
- And I think at that point,
we cut over to Gorgug,
who you've probably
arrived with the Hangvan.
Do you think you would
be taking this journey?
Jawbone and Sandra Lynn have both offered
to adult chaperone on this trip.
But do you think
that you would want your
parents to come along, or no?
- Huh.
I think Gorgug could
never tell his parents
that he didn't want them
to come along. [laughing]
But there's probably some anxiety there.
- A tense standoff this morning took place
in the hollowed-out Thistlespring Tree
where you went, where your parents,
who are equally respectful
of your needs, were like-
- [Wilma and Digby] You know, bud,
if you want us to come,
we're happy to come,
so you just gotta tell us, you know?
- Oh, okay. Yeah.
- [Wilma and Digby] But also,
if there's space and you need space...
But, you know, what would you...
In your heart, what would you want?
- Well, I want everyone to be happy,
and you know?
[Brennan laughing]
And in some ways, there's an argument
for either of these situations
where you come along, you know?
You give me your advice on the trip.
And then there's the other version
where I'll see for myself, you know?
I'll check it out on my own.
[Brennan laughing]
And I...
And he just starts sweating. [laughs]
[others laughing]
- You and your parents truly play, like,
just mental gymnastics of like, how to...
- What do you feel like you need?
What do you feel like you need?
- [Wilma and Digby] Well,
what we need is what you need
at the end of the day, bud.
- I could totally see
why you would wanna come.
You know?
- Yeah, oh, for sure.
And we would see why you
would want us to come,
or also want to go.
- Eventually, you prevail
[others laughing]
with no hurt feelings,
and your parents say...
- [Wilma and Digby]
Well, why don't you go?
You go with your friends
and Jawbone and Sandra Lynn'll be there,
and it'll be great, it'll be a hoot.
- I think after, like, 10 times
of saying, "Are you sure?"
He agrees. [laughs]
[Brennan laughing]
- Gorgug walks in,
and Gorgug, as you walk
into Mordred Manor,
you see the cloud of
clove cigarette smoke,
Adaine at the table,
and Jawbone goes-
- [Jawbone] Hey there, Gorgug!
How's it going, friend? Look at you!
Thanks again for giving
us a pair of wheels.
The old station wagon
would be a tight squeeze
with everybody. [laughs]
- Well, yeah. Of course.
I just, I've never actually
driven interplanarly.
I'm just a little nervous about that.
It's not, like, the newest van,
so I mean, it should be okay, right?
- [Jawbone] Oh, sure. I mean, listen.
If you're gonna take a van interplanar,
most of these planes are
gonna have an element
of just weightlessness to them,
so worst-case scenario,
we hit a zero-gravity patch in the Astral.
I'll just hop out in the
back with a blow dryer
and just sort of scoot us along
to where we want to go.
- Whoa.
- [Jawbone] Yeah.
It's honestly way more
simple than you'd think.
The Astral is a inner...
It's what's called a Transitive Plane,
so it exists as a piece
of connective tissue
in the same manner as the ethereal
between our world and higher
worlds of platonic ideals.
So the Astral's actually more shaped
by the thoughts and feeling
states of individuals
than the material is.
So honestly, you have more to fear
from being in a bad mood
than you do from getting lost in the van.
- So, like...
We got seat belts, so we should be okay?
[Brennan laughing]
Or...
- [Jawbone] Oh, yeah.
Buckle up for sure, yeah.
- Okay.
- [Jawbone] You're gonna wanna
buckle up, yeah, absolutely.
- Kristen Applebees,
you awaken in your room
in the old chapel.
How's Kristen doing, feeling,
about this college trip?
'Cause you've been sleeping
the entire summer here
in a house without Tracker.
- Yes.
- Who's off in Fallinel
with Ragh Barkrock.
[Ally clearing throat]
- I think I wake up,
and my hand just reaches
to a record player,
[Zac laughing]
and I put on [laughing] the
new Phoebe Bridgers album.
[all laughing]
And it just kind of
slowly plays while I weep awake.
Just-
[others laughing]
- [laughs] Oh, no! Oh!
- I'm trying to learn-
- I roll in my blanket
so it feels like something's holding me.
[others laughing]
- [Zac] You're swaddling yourself?
- I say, well, college, eh?
[all laughing]
And then I just kind
of roll out of my room
down the stairs towards
the breakfast table
where people know to feed me
as the worm that I am.
[all laughing]
- I'm gonna say that I just go with
this is habitual at this point,
'cause this happens every morning.
So I immediately deposit
some oatmeal in your mouth.
[others laughing]
- Sustenance!
[others laughing]
- Oatmeal is the-
- Oatmeal, followed by coffee.
[others laughing]
- Ow! Ow!
Ooh, yes!
[Emily laughing]
- Ow?
- Just drinking coffee
through a straw.
- Can we maybe
do iced next time?
- Okay, I throw some ice in.
- Ahh!
[Emily laughing]
- Oh my god.
Yeah, oatmeal is the easiest thing
for Kristen to consume.
It's a food that doesn't require
a lot of commitment or energy
to be able to get down.
[Ally humming]
[Brennan laughing]
- I do that thing
where I cry because people
are being nice to me.
[all laughing]
Like, you're so nice to me.
And then it's just ugly cry.
[Emily laughing]
And I retreat into my blanket
like a chameleon.
[others laughing]
- Like a chameleon?
- I put Boggy in the hole,
at the top of the blanket,
so it looks like it's just a giant Boggy.
Like a human with a Boggy head.
- Yeah, a giant Boggy
worm seated at the table.
Riz, as you-
- Or a Boggy blunt.
[others laughing]
- Or a Boggy spliff.
- Whoa!
- Riz, as you enter Mordred Manor as well,
how's Riz feeling about
the potential of college
as you arrive at Mordred Manor?
- I think Riz hadn't thought much about
the possibility of
extraplanar conspiracies,
so I think he shows up sweating
having not slept all night,
with conspiracy boards
on his conspiracy boards.
[others laughing]
Zoomed out from a map of Spyre
that has all of this stuff
to now being all of the other planes.
[Siobhan laughing]
And I just walk in and I go,
we've got work to do, g*ng.
This is a mess.
[Brennan laughing]
[Emily laughing]
- [Ally] It certainly is.
- [laughs] Oh no!
Riz, you enter with the...
Yeah, I think it occurs to Riz
that every single bad guy
you guys have ever k*lled...
You guys learned this the hard way
when you stormed Hell in sophomore year.
But the fact that nobody ever dies,
k*lling them just moves them
to some other frequency of existence
in some alternate dimension
means that truly the
conspiracies are never-ending.
There is no finiteness to any-
- Everyone's still alive, man!
They're just somewhere else!
[others laughing]
The Nightmare King, he's living here now.
But then it's up here,
and then it's up here,
and then it's up here, and they divide,
and they divide and they
divide and they divide!
[Brennan laughing]
You guys ever seen "Fantasia"?
- I don't know what
what that reference is.
[others laughing]
But what you're saying
is actually a really positive idea,
that no-one ever dies.
[others laughing]
[Murph spluttering]
- In many cases, that would be.
[others laughing]
That would be comforting.
But that means it's on us,
the good people who don't die,
to k*ll the bad people who don't die.
But we can't k*ll them!
[Emily laughing]
Do you see where the problem is, Fig?
[Brennan laughing]
- Riz, I...
Did you get a order of
floor-to-ceiling corkboard material?
- Yes. I hope we have room in the van.
I think there's just gonna be
room for you and I in there.
[Brennan laughing]
- I think I have Enlarge Reduce,
so I think I can reduce it.
[Murph laughing]
- 'Cause the board simply has to come,
because I put a ton of work into this,
and it's got that whole wheel
of the planes and everything,
and this was days, weeks.
- Jawbone and I can just
go on my skateboard,
[Murph laughing]
and he can use
his blow dryer method to propel us.
[Siobhan laughing]
- Yeah.
This needs to be shrink-wrapped.
- As you guys get ready,
finishing up breakfast,
starting to pack and
think about heading out,
Gorgug and Fig, you guys get
an email from Lola Embers,
who's talking about your guys' next tour,
and you can just tell from
the tone of her email,
she's incredibly disdainful about the idea
of you guys going to college and is like.
- [Lola] You know, we
should really think about
the next adventure, and again...
- And you see that there's another email
from some other agent
at the firm being like.
- [Agent] Although, there's other markets
in other planes of existence.
Maybe an interplanar tour, not a bad idea.
- How are Gorgug and Fig feeling
about the prospect of college,
and how seriously are
they taking their trip
to Astral State University today?
- I think I, personally, am like,
I know how much money
college gigs make, so...
[Zac laughing]
I'm kind of just going there
to meet with whoever's
organizing welcome week events.
[Brennan laughing]
- Yeah.
- [Ally] Whoa.
- Gorgug still barely plays the drums,
so he's just holding on
[Emily laughing]
by a thread here, but just nodding along.
[Emily laughing]
Kind of a different version
of the previous conversation I had,
[others laughing]
just kind of letting things happen to him.
Like, uh-huh, sure.
Well, whatever seems like
the best solution here.
I'm gonna learn how to-
- Gorgug, you can't leave me.
No-one will listen to a band
that's just a bass player.
- I don't know. I can do one fill.
[others laughing]
I'll keep working on that.
I got another cymbal in the mail.
Maybe I'll set that up.
So whatever we decide, great.
- Great.
- Incredible.
All of you finish up your breakfast,
say your goodbyes to people
that are staying behind.
You even, as you guys
are piling into the van
in the driveway,
in a poof of purple smoke,
Arthur Aguefort appears,
your high school principal.
And he goes...
- [Arthur] Ahh.
Students, I see you are commencing upon
the ancient tried and true tradition
of the college campus trip!
Many of Aguefort's finest heroes
have continued their scholastic endeavors
at Astral State University.
If there are any queries
you have about that place,
feel free to ask them to me now,
for your journey shall
bring you to realms beyond!
[Brennan imitating magic pulsing]
- Uh, did you go to college, Mr Aguefort?
- Yeah, how much did you pay?
- Oh, I am still very much in debt
to my many alma maters, yes.
[others laughing]
Yes, I was here.
- See, he summons a bunch of
correspondence into his hand
and it's all asking for donations,
but they're all from incredible,
ivy-wrought wizarding
colleges from realms beyond.
You see he goes...
- [Arthur] It is one of the
boldest things I have ever seen
to ask me for money in
a form of a donation
while I am still actively
paying off my student debt!
[Ally laughing]
- See, that's why-
- You only waste money.
- I'm going in there.
I'm just gonna milk these endowments
and play their welcome weeks
and not go to college.
- [Arthur] This one wizarding college
that I attended in my youth,
I have been paying off for 800 years
due to a chronomancy loop.
[Emily laughing]
And I currently owe more money
than the principal of my initial loan.
And also, all of this is
made even more offensive
because their endowment is a
literal philosopher's stone.
They can print gold.
They have infinite wealth!
- Okay.
- And they're still-
- Gorgug.
- Asking me for a donation!
- Gorgug, new scheme.
We milk all these colleges by
playing their welcome weeks
and then we pay off other
people's student loans.
- Hey, I'm down.
- Okay, cool.
[Zac laughing]
Gorgug's back in the band.
[Emily laughing]
- I was out of the band?
[all laughing]
- Oh, I was worried I lost you,
not the other way around.
[others laughing]
- You see Aguefort looks at you and says-
- [Arthur] Ah, very well.
A noble endeavor
[Emily laughing]
to seek to release those
shackled by the chains of debt
from their fiduciary obligations.
If you have anyone in mind
to release from these
financial obligations,
please feel free to
include me in that list.
[Emily laughing]
It would be
a tremendous solid to your principal!
[others laughing]
- You know what, Aguefort?
You'll be our first case.
[others laughing]
- Might take a while, it sounds like,
but we'll definitely help you out.
- Wonderful, wonderful!
- Season three
is us getting Aguefort back to zero.
[others laughing]
Up to zero.
- [laughing] A man who is centuries old.
You hear a crystal go off in his suit
and he takes it out and you see
that there is a number underneath.
It's not something logged
in his crystal, and he goes-
- [Arthur] Ah, god, creditors!
How did they find this new crystal?
- And he smashes it on the ground,
turns into a falcon and
flies off into the sky.
[Emily and Ally laughing]
- That falcon bit's really good.
Just do that for some cash.
[others laughing]
[Brennan cawing]
[others laughing]
[Brennan imitating fluttering]
- Flies away.
You guys see a puff of black smoke
and a grim reaper-looking
figure with a scythe shows up.
But as they raise their head,
you see it's not a skeletal face.
It's just this gaunt face,
and you see they look around
with a crystal and say-
- [sniffs] He's flown away.
[Brennan imitating blasting]
And they turn into a raven
[others laughing]
and begin to fly after.
You realize that that's
probably someone working-
- A creditor?
- That's a creditor.
It's a student loan collections wizard.
- Can I roll an attack on the raven?
[all laughing]
- Me as well.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Can I Bestow Curse the raven? [laughs]
- Yeah, if you would like to cast a spell
or do something against the
student loan collection raven-
- Yeah-
- I would like to Bestow Curse
and give it disadvantage
on Perception checks
so it has a harder time finding Aguefort.
[others laughing]
- [laughs] The falcon cries
off from the distant sky.
- [Arthur] Thank you, students!
[all laughing]
- You guys effectively
bamboozled this raven
with a bunch of spell-casting,
and the student loans
collection person says-
- [Agent] Curses, curses!
Foiled again by children!
[Brennan scoffing]
[others laughing]
- Vanishes.
- Wow.
- It's just me, my staff goes above me.
My Staff of Doubt,
but the blanket is
still wrapped around it,
so it's a tube of a blanket
[others laughing]
with a staff glowing outside of it
as I roll attacks.
- Oh my god.
[Emily laughing]
[Siobhan laughing]
- Incredible.
You guys pile in-
- Kristen, you look great
in a blanket, by the way.
You wear a blanket well.
- Thank you.
[Emily laughing]
- Who said that? [laughs]
- Thank you.
- So you guys pile into the Hangvan.
As the ignition starts,
you guys are all sort of piled
in here and seated together.
You turn it on and the Hangvan goes-
- [Hangvan] What up,
what up, what up, g*ng?
Someone punch in the GPS and
let's get this party started!
Woo!
- Awesome, Hangvan. Okay.
I will punch in the code for [laughs]
is it an address for a different plane?
Is there a zip code attached to this?
- You punch in an address that has
these incredible,
as an astral longitude, latitude thing
that you're punching in.
One of the things you type in, also,
it's the name of a long-forgotten deity
that you have to punch in.
And as you do-
[Brennan imitating blasting]
the van shakes, shudders, and-
[Brennan imitating revving]
all of you eject forward
into the Astral plane.
You are tethered by
this tenuous silver cord
stretching through the inky
blackness of the Astral realm,
and as you pitch forward,
you begin to see shapes
appearing throughout the void.
Looking beneath you,
you see what looks like a humanoid figure,
until you realize that
this humanoid figure
is like the size of a small moon.
It is a miles-long humanoid figure,
wearing tattered, void-frozen clothes.
It looks like a desiccated husk,
almost partially either mummified
or just all the moisture robbed
from it in this void space.
The village-sized head
frozen in a look of horror and shock,
with empty eye sockets and gums receding
from these teeth frozen in space.
As you approach closer to this figure,
you see that there are
other figures like this,
sort of frozen out in the void.
You see that the cadaverous
floating landmass,
or I guess body mass floating in space,
is covered in well-kept
buildings and gardens.
There are crystalline structures
and statues and walkways,
and you realize that the
college campus you are headed to
is built on the body of this
dead figure floating in space.
- Too much. Too much.
[others laughing]
- Is this right?
- I was just gonna say,
I like it, this is pretty cool.
Maybe I am a collegiate.
[others laughing]
- You guys see a bunch of
Astral State University banners,
these great big ASU
things floating around.
There's a little ship holding
a weird, sparkling helix
with molecular atoms around it
that you realize is a sports mascot
with a little thing under it
saying, "Go Spelljammers" underneath it.
[Emily laughing]
You guys are floating in space.
Jawbone goes-
- [Jawbone] All right.
I'm gonna get out and
get the blow dryer going.
- Puts a little fishbowl on his head.
[others laughing]
Plugs something into an adaptor
and just crawls out on
the roof, and you hear-
- Is that safe?
[Brennan imitating whirring]
- He goes-
- [Jawbone] Oh, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not the same
consistency as outer space.
I don't know how far out we are.
This might be phlogiston,
which is a substance
made out of pure philosophical quandary,
but otherwise I think...
Or it could just also be air.
I don't know, but you put on
the goldfish bowl to be safe.
- You see he crawls onto the roof.
[Brennan imitating whirring]
And your van begins to kind of-
[Brennan imitating van humming]
float off towards this college campus.
Anyone here that would like to,
go ahead and make either
a Perception check
if you are looking for
something in particular.
If you guys are surveying the landscape.
- So it's littered with
these god husks, right?
That are all dead gods,
floating through this void?
There's multiple of them?
- It looks like the campus is
on this one dead god's body,
but there are lots of other
dead gods sort of throughout.
You guys are in a deity graveyard.
You guys, having studied this at Aguefort,
would know that gods can
die when all of their...
This is what you guys went
through with Cassandra,
with Kristen's new deity,
which is that if every single
one of a god's followers dies
and they are fully forgotten
on the prime material plane,
they die and their body
appears here as a husk,
floating in an Astral graveyard.
But it looks like it's some
of the only functioning,
gravity-based landmasses
that are in the Astral,
so they're a great place
to build structures and settlements,
just because they're large
enough to sustain structures.
- I think I'm gonna do a Perception check
to see if there's any...
You know, now that I'm
the Archbishop of Hell,
[others laughing]
or an Archbishop of Hell.
- Archbishop?
- Yeah.
[others laughing]
[laughs] I want to see
if any of these god husks
are from Hell, a defeated god from Hell.
- [Brennan] Yes, absolutely.
- Okay, I only rolled a 10.
- You rolled a 10. You look around.
You definitely see...
What happens, I'll say this.
Go ahead and give me a
Religion check as well,
because with that 10 Perception.
- Ooh, okay! That's a 21.
- You look around and definitely see
some gods that strike you as lower planar.
Whether they were from the Nine Hells
or from the Abyss or
from Acheron or wherever.
It's hard to say from here,
because of course, these
gods have all been forgotten.
But you definitely see some goat-headed,
weird, triple-armed deities.
What's sort of funny is,
there are definitely celestial gods here
and gods of the lower planes,
but they're all in
these states of, "f*ck!"
They all have these looks
[Emily laughing]
of like, "I can't believe I died!"
- The moment that they died. [laughs]
- They just can't believe
that they've died.
So weirdly there's this camaraderie
between the upper planar
and lower planar gods here
[Emily laughing]
of like, "Can you f*cking
believe this happened to me?
"I was invincible."
[Emily laughing]
[laughs] But also, but
even the fiends you see
are very bizarre, because...
How do I put this?
I don't wanna shame these dead deities,
but the major players,
your Asmodeuses and your
Tiamats and stuff like that,
they've been rocking
hardcore for a long time.
They're worshiped across
hundreds or thousands
or even millions of worlds.
So all the dead gods you're seeing here,
it's like, how many worlds
were you ever a god on
that it got this bad?
So I think you do see
some fiendish deities,
but it's like, "Who
the f*ck was this guy?"
[others laughing]
You know, like,
he only was ever on, like, 10 worlds tops
for this fate to have befallen him.
- Losers.
- Yeah.
[Brennan laughing]
[Murph laughing]
- It's like a start-up graveyard.
[all laughing]
- The knolled god of growing
carrots? That's weird.
[all laughing]
So specific.
- Yeah, exactly.
The orcish god of reasonable caution.
And you're like, just never
caught on in a big way.
Sort of like trying to please two markets
at the same time in terms of worship,
in other words.
Never really had a chance.
So, all of you, the van descends
into this beautiful crystalline campus.
Everything here is very...
There is a feeling of very much like
Superman's Fortress of Solitude,
of like, buildings are
built at weird diagonals,
and there's also that Little
Prince kind of vibe here
of like, yes, this is...
By the time you're on
the surface of the god,
it no longer looks like you're on a body,
because the arm is
three-quarters of a mile long,
and it's huge, it's hugely vast.
But also, it's nowhere
near planet-sized, right?
So the curvature of things is enough
that as buildings go
off into the distance,
they do kind of swoop away from you
on the curve of the horizon.
There are orbiting satellite buildings
made of bright purple amethyst
and deep green emerald
that have these helixing energy bridges
that you see tired and hungry students
are walking up these energy bridges
with these orbiting
satellite annex buildings
that are just orbiting crystal platforms.
It is very much-
- This sounds like an
amazing place to skateboard.
[others laughing]
- You absolutely see people
skating around to class.
[Emily imitating wheels clattering]
[Emily laughing]
As the van stops,
you guys see a being walk up to you
wearing an ASU hoodie with a funny...
It's still official college merch,
but it's clearly the t-shirt
that had the most
personality at the gift shop,
of a fun little Spelljammer
making a awkward expression
and being like, "What's
your ASU experience?"
It is a eight-foot tall praying mantis,
compound eyes person.
They have a whistle and a lanyard
with their name and an RA ID badge
and a little clipboard under
one of their four arms.
Long preying mantis,
grasshoppery abdomen, two legs.
Their middle pair of arms,
you can clearly see can go down to be legs
if they need to run faster
or be a little bit less dexterous of arms.
But they walk up and they go-
- [RA] Hey, what's up, g*ng?
Welcome to ASU!
Is this the crew from Aguefort
that I'm supposed to be meeting here?
- Uh, yes.
- Yeah, that's us.
- Yes, uh. Riz Gukgak.
Nice to meet you.
- Hello, Riz. Hello.
And this is, I think, Fig and
Gorgug, and Adaine, right?
- Yes. And what's your full name, please?
I have my notebook open so that I can take
meticulous notes.
[others laughing]
[Emily laughing]
- He looks up at you and says-
- [Jathriss] My name is
Jathriss Weirdingblade.
It's awesome to meet you.
- Weirdingblade?
- Jathriss looks up and goes-
- [Jathriss] Yeah. Um,
Jathriss Weirdingblade.
Oh, and we have sort
of a pal in a blanket.
Hey, what's your name?
[Ally laughing]
- Hey, uh, yeah.
My name is Kristen,
and I really am excited
to learn about college,
the next great adventure.
- [Jathriss] Yeah, okay. Well, rad.
[Siobhan laughing]
- Can I give Kristen Bardic
Inspiration right now?
[others laughing]
- Yeah, go-
- I use it.
I use it to try to eat some more oatmeal
that I brought with me.
- Oh my god.
[Emily laughing]
- Spare the Dying on Kristen.
[others laughing]
- Kristen,
this is Gilear behavior.
- I pull out-
- Can I cast Revivify
on Kristen's spirits?
- A smoothie with a really
long, fun curvy straw
that can fit inside Kristen's blanket.
[Brennan laughing]
- It's acai.
[others laughing]
That was fun. Thank you so much, Adaine.
- You're welcome,
you're welcome.
- Oh my god.
- You're so nice to me!
- Oh. Oh, no.
I give her one of these hugs.
Like-
[others laughing]
- What was the preying
mantis person's name again?
The first name?
- Weirdingblade.
- But the first name?
- Jathriss. Jathriss.
- Oh, yeah. So, it's J-A-T-H-R-I-S-S.
And then-
- Jathriss.
- And then his last name is Weirdingblade.
As he says Weirdingblade...
You don't have a lot of
people like this at Aguefort.
You get the feeling that
Jathriss is a psionic.
- That's what I was wondering,
'cause I know weirding
scrolls control people.
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
- Whoa.
- You see, as you sort of
register Weirdingblade, he goes-
- [Jathriss] Yeah, yeah.
To give you a little idea of sort of...
I'm sort of in the STEM track here
doing a lot of psionic studies.
- Psionics are super cool.
- [Jathriss] Oh, I'm
glad you dig 'em, yeah.
- I'm a big fan.
- You see he summons
a buzzing vibration as a manifestation of
his own inner mental acuity
that forms a three-pronged, spiked wheel
that you can tell is a
double-handed twirling weapon
that is just made out of
buzzing mental vibrations.
- Whoa!
- Cool.
- He goes-
- [Jathriss] Yeah!
So, this is sort of the kind
of stuff that we're working on
over in the psionics department, which we-
- Can I ask you a question, Jathriss?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Can you communicate telepathically?
- In your head, you hear-
- [Jathriss] I don't know.
Why don't you tell me?
- [laughs] Because I
would love to learn that.
'Cause picture it this way, right?
I could do a whole concert
that's all telepathic.
It's almost like one of
those headphone parties.
- You see he nods and says-
- [Jathriss] If you guys
want to go check out
the campus radio station,
we have a bunch of different
DJs and radio people
that sort of pipe things in
directly on psionic frequencies
to only hit certain
people or demographics.
We even have a pirate radio-
- Cool.
- [Jathriss] On the campus.
- That's just pirate songs?
- Yes. Shanties.
[others laughing]
Chants. Things like that.
- You see over in a corner
there is a anthropomorphic hippopotamus
in a tricorner hat that's going-
[Brennan imitating energy blasting]
and you can hear, in your head...
♪ 50 men on a dead man's chest ♪
[others laughing]
- f*ck, Gorgug, this is cool.
Maybe I should go to college.
[Murph laughing]
- Yeah. I didn't even expect this.
Hey, Jathriss, kinda similarly?
I put some springs in my boots, so-
[others laughing]
I can probably
maybe study psionics too.
[Emily laughing]
- [Jathriss] Tight.
Tight, tight, tight. Tight, tight, tight.
That's extremely cool, dude. Well, listen.
We got a lot of stuff to go check out.
If you guys wanna go check out
some of the student living stuff,
like the student lounge,
we can do that first.
We can also go take you
to some of the amenities,
like where the freshman dorms are.
But we can also, if you wanna get
to the most impressive
stuff, which is kind of
what the college wants
us to show you first,
we could show you the Library of Souls.
We could go to the Eternalist Orrery.
Or, if you wanna go take a
little drive up in a buggy
to go see Talmares's head, and
just poke around on the face
of the dead god we're on,
I know a lot of people wanna
go check that out as well.
But I'm here at your disposal
and here to answer questions,
so whatever y'all are interested,
we can go check that out first.
[Zac humming]
- I think...
I mean, buggy to the head
or library would be my vote.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- I mean, I always want
to go to the library.
- I'm a little curious about this god
that you've set up a entire university on.
How did they pass, and
what were they the god of?
- [Jathriss] So that's a great question.
We don't actually give
out a ton of information.
We're happy to give out the name Talmares,
because that name has been forgotten,
and so it is kind of
like a double catch-22
where knowing the name doesn't
mean you know the name,
and we also don't know if that
was the true name of the god.
That could be a name
that we have put in place
of the forgotten name.
We don't give out a lot of
domain specifics about this god,
because if someone started
worshiping the god again,
we might have the whole
campus be destroyed
as the god reawakened and vanished.
But we are happy to tell
you that up near the head
there is a fun cafeteria,
so if you get hungry,
[others laughing]
we can go check that out.
- Can we go to the cafeteria?
- Yeah, let's go to the
head. Let's to the head.
- Yeah, let's go to the cafeteria.
- I'm most interested in the buggy.
I heard "buggy"
[others laughing]
was the exact wording that I heard.
- [Jathriss] Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Well, let's get a couple
of these buggies going.
- A couple buggies?
[Emily laughing]
- [Jathriss] Yeah!
[others laughing]
- You guys see a bunch of campus go-karts-
- Whoa!
- What?
- They have the golf cart top
of just some shitty plastic
stuff with an ASU logo on it,
but underneath there is a gyrating crystal
that goes to a single point,
and you see as Jathriss gets into one
and turns a little
ignition thing, it goes-
[Brennan imitating crystal whirring]
and begins to hover a
couple feet off the ground,
and you can see inside of the crystal
there is a fractal math entity
that appears to be your...
For lack of a better
word, a law elemental.
You've only ever seen elementals
that were constructed of
earth, air, fire, water.
This appears to be that,
made out of raw concept,
and you see Jathriss says-
- [Jathriss] My dude, Riz!
You seem to be into these buggies.
- And tosses a little pair
of plastic keys to you
to turn in the ignition
[Emily laughing]
for one of the buggies.
- Yes. Yes!
These are just nerdy elementals?
This is awesome!
[Emily laughing]
- [Jathriss] Yeah, I guess
you could call them nerdy.
They are kind of devoted
to the concept of order.
- And you see that within that crystal,
the elemental is going-
- [Elemental] Neither the left
nor the right side of the buggy
should be allowed to tip
too far in either direction,
thus creating asymmetry.
- And you see that Jathriss says-
- [Jathriss] Yeah, also,
it would be dangerous,
'cause you would fall off the buggy.
So that's also part of what's going on.
Ah, cool-
- How fast can these bad boys go? [laughs]
- Yeah. [laughs]
[indistinct] A buggy.
[Emily laughing]
- And he says-
- [Jathriss] Oh, you-
- I kind of want to surf one. [laughs]
[Brennan laughing]
- You get up on one.
You guys start it off.
As you crawl up onto the roof,
you see Jathriss is like-
- [Jathriss] Ah, oh! You're
getting up on the roof?
I see, we got a wild child here.
I actually am not allowed to let you
[Murph laughing]
be on the roof of the buggy.
- Oh, sh*t.
You know, I was getting
really endeared by college,
but that's gonna be a strike against you.
- The elementals are pretty strict.
- What's that?
- I cast Greater Invisibility on Fig
[Emily laughing]
so she can ride.
- So you can team up on the bug-
- I throw my voice.
I do a Deception and pretend
like I'm in the buggy.
I'm in the buggy!
- I tell on Fig to the buggy.
[others laughing]
Hey, just so you know, um...
I'm sure you know this already
because you guys are, like, super cool
and you know a bunch of
spells and everything,
but they actually cast
a Greater Invisibility
so there is somebody not
following the rules right now.
[Murph sniffing]
[others laughing]
- Everyone here make an Insight
check for me real quick.
[dice clattering]
[Murph inhaling sharply]
- Two.
- Ooh, a nat one!
- Seven!
- [laughs] Oh!
- I got a 12 total with a two.
- 15.
- Is the god her dad?
- 15?
- Uh, 17.
- 17.
Fig, you can hear Riz
whispering that to the crystal down below,
and you see that ambiently,
throughout this place,
a psionic wave kind of...
You know that there's a
bunch of axes of dimensions.
There's the XYZ of length,
depth, width and stuff like that,
and then there's time.
On some beyond the fourth dimension axes,
a spike of raw consciousness
intersects with Riz
as he informs on you
[Murph laughing]
to the crystal.
You sense that there are a
group of psionic students here
that have now marked Riz as a narc
[Murph laughing]
and he vibrates.
- I thought I was unbulliable here!
[Emily laughing]
What? No!
I thought I could just tell
on people to the elementals!
[all laughing]
This is a vehicle for bullying!
This is Astral bullying!
- Wow.
[all laughing]
- You just sense that as Riz speaks now,
anyone that has clocked
that psionic frequency
will just hear an octave of his voice
that is like, "This kid is a narc."
- Riz, you're screwed.
[all laughing]
You're done here! Go to another college.
You can't f*cking come here.
[others laughing]
- I'm gonna have to make
a lot of business cards
to regain my reputation.
[others laughing]
- So, Jathriss looks over
at you, Gorgug, and is like-
- [Jathriss] Hey, dude, you talking about
what kind of speed you
can get up to on these?
Dude, keep up.
[Brennan imitating engine revving]
- They top out at 15 miles per hour.
[others laughing]
They do not go-
- Floor it, Riz. Floor it!
- They're extremely safe.
- Riz, floor it!
- Whoa!
- Riz, you have to floor it!
- I'm trying!
I'm going as fast as a bike
[others laughing]
on just flat ground, not
downhill, but just flat ground
when you're pedaling really hard!
- Get that hair dryer going!
[Emily laughing]
- I'm trying!
[Emily laughing]
- So much psionic energy has
been put into these go-karts
that truly just go
about as fast as a bike,
and you guys peel through this campus.
It looks beautiful.
You see there are a
number of professors here.
You guys also see...
Everyone here go ahead and give me
either Insight or Perception,
based on if you're looking at
objects and structures or people.
- [hums] I'll check out the people.
[Emily exhaling heavily]
[dice rolling]
Oh my god, I'm terrible.
I rolled a one.
[others laughing]
- Three.
- Oh no!
- I rolled a one and a two.
RTX, you guys are getting the best Murph.
[others laughing]
- Peak Murph. Peak Murph.
- Even if you've never seen this before,
you're getting just the general thing.
The general thing.
This is my thing.
- Murph's always
deliciously good rolls.
- The brand is strong.
- The brand...
- Murph, are you using the lil' beans?
- I'm not using the little...
I'm using, they look like little beans.
- So that's the problem.
You've gotta use the lil' beans.
- I don't know where the lil' beans are.
- [Emily] Those are
really good dice, though
the ones that you're using.
- These have little bubbles.
- I rolled a 24 Perception.
- Ooh!
- 24 Perception from Gorgug.
- Ooh!
- Did anybody else get
an Insight or a Perception
of 15 or higher?
- I got a 17 Perception.
I'm specifically looking for
people who might be teachers
or people who might be
influential students
so I could hypothetically
disguise myself later.
I'm looking like-
- Oh!
- Who's got clout here in
case I need to borrow it?
- Cool. With a 17, you see...
And what is Gorgug
looking for with that...
Is it 22 Perception?
- 24.
I'm just looking for-
- 24?
- Maybe psionic stuff.
Yeah, I think psionic
stuff is new to Gorgug,
and it feels like per his
interest in artificing stuff,
maybe this is another new nerdy hobby
or something he could get into.
- Hell yeah.
This feels like a very
reasonable extension
of the crystal tech you
guys already have there.
I will say with that 24 Perception, too,
Gorgug, you look and see this place
that Jathriss mentioned
called the Library of Souls
that appears to have an almost
temple-like structure to it.
This is one of the few places
that doesn't have this angular
crystal architecture to it.
The crystal looks that it is
growing in organic curvatures
and that the crystal forms
are melding into different...
Like, amethyst grows into
emerald grows into sapphire.
Even with things that are non,
sort of semi-precious stones
like obsidian and things like that.
It is structured in this way that
it is like a pagoda-esque
temple, multi-story temple.
And you see that there are
tons of students in there
with all kinds of psionic
gadgetry that you can see.
Many of them have access
to these magical items
that are very rare in Solace,
and you don't see a single student without
at least two or three of them
that are called Ioun stones, which are-
- The god of... Yeah.
- Which are little stones like gemstones
that are orbiting their head
that are, at times, powerful magical items
that don't take up slots on your body
like a ring or a belt or
a piece of armor would,
that just orbit,
so all these students have
little gems orbiting their head,
granting sort of psionic
abilities to them.
- I gotta get one of the little rocks.
[Brennan laughing]
[Emily laughing]
- I'll help you steal one.
- Thank you.
- And you also see-
- You want a rock, Gorgug?
You get a rock.
- Thank you.
I really do, desperately.
- I think you guys are also amazed
at how few dwarves and elves and orcs
and things like that you're seeing here.
You guys are seeing modrons,
which are these weird
automaton, extraplanar beings.
Fig, you're seeing more tieflings
than you've ever seen
in your life before.
[Emily gasping]
Truly, like-
- Wow!
- Maybe 10, 15% of the
students here are tieflings,
and another 10 or 15 are aasimar.
There are genasi everywhere,
but you also see githyanki and githzerai,
which are these lithe, green-skinned,
long pointed ear interplanar travelers.
There are bariaur, which are
these ram-type centaur beings
that are from the chaos planes.
You see slaad, which are these frog-like,
but elementally aligned
with chaos, people.
You also see two professors.
So, Gorgug, you definitely notice
that very few students here
are from the prime material plane.
Like, you notice quickly,
"Oh, it's a big deal that we're here."
The second thing that you see...
Fig, you said you're
looking for professors.
You see two possible professors.
One of them looks almost like...
I don't know how to put this.
They are an eight-foot-tall...
You see that they are in gray scale
in a way that looks to you
like the light is hitting their body
and not transmitting color.
Like, it doesn't look like
they are the color gray
insomuch as whatever effect
they're having on light
is rendering them in gray scale.
- Wow.
- Floating two feet off the ground.
And their face, their hair,
is like roiling white flame,
and their face looks, for
lack of a better word,
like a Who from Dr Seuss,
of, like, tiny little nose,
[Emily laughing]
big eyes, and a mouth set
almost in that Dr Seuss style
of a little bit animalistic,
like the Grinch is,
or like Cindy Lou Who's.
They're floating along with
a giant chain around them.
- A chain?
- A chain, yeah.
There's a big chain-
- Oh, ornamental.
- Ornamental, yes.
- Okay. Thank you.
- And you see that there
is a young githzerai woman
is the most important
student that you see,
who is walking with this
professor and talking.
You immediately clock
that she is a senior,
'cause she's referring to the
professor by their first name.
[Ally laughing]
She has a bunch of nose piercings.
She's got a thick hoodie,
what look like Tavas.
But you see that she has
some of these crystals
floating around her head.
Her haircut is one of those medieval monk,
like shaved on top
and then like a ring of
hair that goes around.
But then also, separate from that,
just two long strands of hair
growing from where sideburns would be.
And then a neck tattoo,
some tattoos on her hands,
walking with a big stack of books
and just sh**ting the
sh*t with this professor.
She looks at-
- Can I try and catch her name?
- Yes. She is referred to as Chesca.
- Chesca.
- By the professor.
- I pull down Kristen's blanket
so she can see-
- Get off of me!
Get off of me!
- No, but look! No, but look!
- Whoa. [laughs]
[Siobhan laughing]
Wait, that's like
[Brennan laughing]
Tracker 2.0.
[others laughing]
- Oh, no!
- I real quick try out my Disguise Self
to become Chesca and see
if it works on Kristen.
- Whoa! [stammering] Hi.
- Okay, cool. [laughs]
I think I learned her.
- Um, I like how your haircut
is daring me to find you attractive.
[all laughing]
- I turn back to Fig-
- And I accept.
Oh, wait. What the f*ck, Fig?
You can't do that!
[Emily laughing]
- Hey, you got your first conversation,
the nerves of your first
conversation with her
out of the way.
[Ally sighing]
- I... [stammering]
My heart is pounding once again.
I throw oatmeal at fig.
[others laughing]
- Everyone stop throwing oatmeal
and keep your eyes on the road!
We're driving buggies
up to 15 miles per hour.
- I'm doing this for you!
[others laughing]
- You guys see that the
buggies actually stop.
You're in the middle of the quad.
You see that there are a group of
these sort of athletic-looking
bariaur and githzerai
and a couple of genasi
that are doing a hacky sack
that is just a quantum fold in space.
It looks incredibly
hard for them to hack it
because it keeps teleporting.
It's basically a living
version of the Blink spell
that is dipping in and out of the Astral
as they hack it over the quad.
- Uh, Gorgug's gonna run up.
Hey, you guys need one more?
[others laughing]
- You see that one of the githzerai says-
- [Githzerai] Oh, hell yeah, man.
We lookin' at incoming frosh, dude?
You wanna hack?
- I can give it a hock.
Goal is to kick it as
hard as possible, right?
That's what we're doing?
- [Githzerai] [laughs] Uh, yeah.
Try to kick it as hard as possible.
- Go ahead and give me an Athletics check
but use Intelligence
as your modifier here.
- Hell yeah. Okay.
- Can I wink?
Can I wink at Gorgug to
give him Bardic for this?
- [laughing] Yes, you can
give him Bardic for this.
- Okay, Athletics...
- You got this.
- Uh, with Intelligence as my modifier.
So, I get plus two.
[dice clattering]
Okay, I got...
[laughs] I rolled a
eight, plus two, so ten.
- And then roll your Bardic.
- Oh, Bardic is-
- Gotta beat a 15, and I think
is it a d8 or a d10 for Fig?
- I can't remember.
I haven't played this in so long.
- I rolled a d8. Okay.
- Cool.
- Uh, well... [laughs]
In that case, I got...
Do I add my proficiency modifier still,
or no?
- It's a d8.
- You still have your proficiency,
but you are swapping in Intelligence
instead of Strength.
- Okay, then a 18!
I got a 18.
- Hell, yeah!
[Emily laughing]
So you're trying to...
It's still your bloodrush training.
They're still moving
their bodies in space,
but you just have to anticipate
some weird M.C. Escher geometry
of where this thing's gonna be,
and you actually manage to
serve it back to somebody,
and they're like-
- [Student] Yeah, frosh, what's up, dude?
What's your name?
- Uh, my name's Gorgug,
and I have to ask you, what's a frosh?
- [Student] Oh, freshman.
[others laughing]
Incoming freshman.
- Totally.
- [Student] Are you
thinking about applying?
- You know, maybe. Are
you guys enjoying it?
I'm feeling good here. [laughs]
- You see they look around at each other
and they're like-
- [Student] Yeah, man, ASU's chill.
It's good, like...
You know, it's a state school, so it's-
- You see one of them's like-
- [Student] Yeah, dude.
This is like party central, man.
- Oh.
- Another person goes-
- [Student] Yeah, and like,
it's way, way cheaper.
I'm from the Astral plane,
so it's basically free for me to go here,
other than the meal plan,
and I think it's pretty good.
But even for people that
are from out of plane,
it's super inexpensive, and yeah,
it doesn't look super good on a resume,
but how many adventuring
gigs in the planes
are actually gonna be
looking at your resume
or your GPA or whatever?
- Right, yeah.
- [Student] The education
you're getting here
is pretty solid.
- Okay.
Do you know what those
little tiny rocks are
that are floating around people's heads?
- [Student] Oh, they're Ioun stones, dude.
You could pick some up in
the gift shop if you want.
- What?
[Emily laughing]
- Yeah, man.
- Okay, I'll see-
- I'm Disguise Selfed, sneaking up,
trying to steal it from someone. [laughs]
[Ally laughing]
I'll get you your rock!
[Emily laughing]
- Thank you. [laughs]
- Just kidding.
- You see he says-
- [Student] What's your name, dude?
- To me, or?
- Yeah, to you.
- Oh, Gorgug. I'm from Spyre.
I've never really ventured this far out.
- [Student] Spyre?
Is that...
Are you from the spire, in the outlands,
like, underneath Sigil, or where?
- Ah, in the material plane?
- [Student] Oh!
- Is that why you... Okay.
- You see one of these
large bariaurs goes-
- [Bariaur] Prime frosh! Prime frosh!
Prime frosh!
- Prime frosh!
Yeah.
[Emily laughing]
- You see that another dude goes-
- [Student] Sick. Gorgug.
I super hope you have
a good time here, man.
Chill as hell. Good
job on your first hack.
If you wanted, if you're gonna
be here for a little while...
Like, I don't know if you're
staying overnight or whatever,
but feel free to holler at me,
'cause I'm gonna be doing a
shift at the student lounge,
just, like, checking people in later.
My name is-
[Brennan shrieking]
- This crystalline screech fills your mind
as he pronounces a name
beyond your comprehension.
- Gorgug just nods, like, got it.
I can't... [laughs]
So sick.
- Adaine's behind him
just trying to write out
a scream phonetically.
[others laughing]
- For the rest of you,
as these buggies stopped
for Gorgug to get out
and hack real quickly,
Fig, you are disguised
as Chesca, and Jathriss-
- Oh, I dropped, I dropped it.
- Okay.
- I don't wanna start trouble with Chesca.
I just did it to see if I
could be convincing. [laughs]
- Well, your guys' buggies,
in that case, good.
Your buggies stop, and you see
that there are two people at the top.
The professor, who's sort of hovering
with their hands together like this,
communicates through a
series of ghostly runes
in an alphabet you do not understand
floating over their head.
The only thing you recognize
is the spelled-out name of Chesca,
and you actually get
her last name as well,
because it's always spelled out fully,
which is Chesca Ord'ur'cron.
And there's an apostrophe separating Ord
and then from ur, and then ur from cron.
- Can I cast Comprehend Languages?
- Ooh.
- Yes, go ahead and give me
an Arcana check, if you would be so kind.
- [Siobhan] Great. I'm gonna use-
- [Ally] Can I give her the help action?
- [Brennan] Yeah, go for it.
[Ally laughing]
- [Siobhan] Thank you!
- [Ally] I do by sliding
a bunch of oatmeal
off of my lap and onto yours.
- Ooh, baby!
- I'm slowly cleaning myself.
- My lap is wet,
but my roll is good.
I got a 27.
[Emily laughing]
- Woo, you did it!
- Incredible.
[Ally laughing]
So, for everyone that sees this.
As they walk up, Chesca waves hello at...
We'll narrate what happens
to Adaine in a second.
Chesca waves to all of you and goes-
- [Chesca] What up, what up?
Jathriss, how's it going, bud?
- Jathriss says-
- [Jathriss] Good.
Showing some prospective
ASU students around.
- Chesca goes-
- [Chesca] Nice!
Welcome to ASU, g*ng.
I'm Chesca. I'm in
student government here.
I hope you guys really
enjoy your time here at ASU.
- Adaine, you cast Comprehend Languages.
So, again, this silent
figure, the professor, you see
is introducing themself and says,
in the writing over their head-
- [Professor] Hello.
I am Professor Threeve
Womling- [imitates buzzing].
- And as they say that, you...
On a 27, you comprehend so much
about all that is meant by these words,
because what these words
are is the tip of an iceberg
of an entry point into
this professor's mind,
and by casting Comprehend Languages...
that you are straining the
edges of your own mind,
comprehending much more about
the meaning of this professor's identity
than they are used to people
being able to comprehend.
It's basically something that
normally people can only
see in two dimensions.
Because you cast Comprehend
Languages so well,
you are now understanding
in eight dimensions.
All of you guys see Adaine's eyes go white
and just immediately a nosebleed starts.
- It's-
[Brennan laughing]
- Whoa!
- It's the oatmeal!
Get it off of her!
[others laughing]
- I'm sorry!
- Get the oatmeal
out of her lap!
- Stop eating oatmeal!
- It's old! It's weeks old!
- Why does that make it better?
Why is that a defense?
- Wait.
That's not the oatmeal
I gave you this morning?
- It was, partially.
- Can I do a quick
Perception check on Chesca
to see if I see anything,
any totems or any evidence
of any sort of strange worship?
- You do not see a ton of
deific stuff here to begin with.
It seems like A, this is a college campus,
and that people's relationship to divinity
gets questioned here for
two reasons, one of which
is that people tend to
grapple with religion
when they go to college,
and the second of which is,
they're on the body of a dead god,
and a lot of people that
would be extremely devout
kind of get turned off by that.
So [laughing] you don't see any signs
of deific worship on her.
- Cool.
- You do see that she is holding a text
that is written in a githzerai language
that maybe you don't speak.
But Adaine, as you see that the professor
dismisses your Comprehend
Languages and dispels it,
but also, your Comprehend
Languages lasted long enough
for you to see the book in Chesca's hand,
which reveals her as a student...
She is an anthropology
student with a number of books
that are sort of like planar anthropology,
the history of cultures,
and specifically
interplanar gender studies,
and gender in dimensions beyond.
You see that she looks up and goes-
- [Chesca] Whoa!
I see we had someone that tried to do
a little Comp Lang on Professor
Womlingbuzz's head speech.
Sorry about that.
- Yeah. No, I...
Just like, it's, like, really deep, man.
[others laughing]
Is this what college is like?
- [Chesca] Honestly, yes. All the time.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, we're here to expand our minds.
- More language pops up
above Professor Womlingbuzz,
which is not how...
Their name ended in an
actual buzzing noise,
but you can see that the students here
refer to them as Professor Womlingbuzz.
And Chesca goes-
- [Chesca] Yeah, no,
that head language is...
We're clocking that in
a number of dimensions
that are easier for us to comprehend,
but Professor Womlingbuzz is actually
showing us a facet of
kind of a fractal gem
of their own experience and
consciousness at all times
because they are a dabus, and
that's how they communicate.
But there's a lot of consciousness
expanding going on here.
There's a lot of tight
stuff going on in general.
- You see Chesca looks over
at the rest of you and says-
- [Chesca] Are any of you guys coming here
just for general liberal arts stuff,
or you're interested in a
trade or something like that?
Obviously we study adventuring here,
but there's a lot of different ways
to think about adventuring.
Not everybody here graduates
to go on and become an adventurer,
because there's a lot of different skills
and trades and professions
that support adventure in other ways.
- Oh, we're already an adventuring party,
so we're good.
We're already an adventuring party.
We're never gonna leave each other.
We're all good.
- Yeah.
We're probably gonna all
go to the same college.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- And we're gonna stay friends forever,
so we're all good.
- This time in 10 years,
we're gonna get together for sure
and have beers-
- Yeah.
- And we're all gonna be married.
- I've heard a lot about
how a lot of 16-year-olds,
they never actually need anyone new,
and so we're...
[Emily laughing]
We're assuming it's gonna be that.
- Yeah.
- [Chesca] Tight. Okay, cool.
- No new friends.
- Yeah.
- For the next 80 years.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- Riz made us necklaces,
so that makes it formal.
- Yeah.
- It's weird, though,
because Fabian hasn't
responded to our texts
in, like, a month, and-
[others laughing]
He's got this kind of cool new crew
that he's been hanging out with.
But that seems aberrant.
- I don't know what that is.
[voices overlapping]
Are they cousins or something?
- I think he's undercover.
- [Chesca] Well, cool.
I think you guys are-
[others laughing]
- What do most people study here?
What would you say is
the big spot? [laughs]
- [Chesca] I'm a double major.
I'm majoring right now in the
history of interplanar culture
and culture across infinite
distances and times,
and specifically with a focus
of gender studies within that.
I'm also part of the sort of...
I'm on track to go to grad
school here for destiny studies,
which is sort of the idea of
destiny as an elemental force,
and I'm working with Professor
Crytus on that, to sort of...
Obviously, you guys would
probably know this as adventurers,
you've come across the
threat paradox, I assume.
- No, what's that?
- Yeah. No, I know it.
Thanks, I know it. I can
explain it to you. [laughs]
- [Chesca] Yeah, oh, go ahead.
- Fig, please.
[Emily laughing]
- I skateboard away.
- Oh, yeah, Fig, actually,
yeah, you were just about to say-
[others laughing]
- [Chesca] Okay, she skateboarded away.
Oh, okay.
[others laughing]
Well, you guys know that one of the issues
with attempting to save
the world is that...
By the way, how many
worlds have you guys saved?
- Oh, er.
- Er...
- More than, uh...
- Like, two and a half, three.
- Zero? Less than...
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Depends on how you define world.
- One and a half.
- Yeah.
- Ish.
- I was gonna say,
saving one person can almost
be like saving a world, right?
- No.
- In that case,
we've saved like, five worlds.
- Fig, I can't hear
you, you're so far away.
[all laughing]
- I'm saying this all
skateboarding by you guys
every time I say something.
Sounds like a little doppler.
[others laughing]
You know, saving one person!
[others laughing]
- Incredible.
Yeah, you see that Chesca goes-
- [Chesca] Yeah, in a sense.
So, basically, what the threat paradox is
is the idea of
that threats in and of
themselves are a form of harm,
so by the time a world
is experiencing a crisis,
there's already been a failure
of heroism and adventurers to
allow it to get to that point.
And more generally, that
if you consider that time
does exist singularly
throughout all of its instances,
so moments that have occurred in the past,
whatever you consider the past to be,
are as real as moments
occurring in the present,
then failures of heroes to
address harm in the past
are just as real as if they
had failed to address them
in the future or in the present.
So on the destiny track,
a lot of what we're considering is,
is there a way to right the
wrongs of moments in the past
that are just as valid and real
as these moments that are
occurring now in the present?
But of course, if you look at
contiguous theories of time,
if you were to resolve a
moment of existential crisis
and threat to the planes in the past,
and in doing so cause
unintentional harm in the future,
are you, yourself,
representing a threat point
for a future adventurer
to attempt to resolve?
So, a lot of why we're trying
to look at those adventurers
in a more critical light,
sort of examining them
using advanced adventure criticism theory,
is about, is there a way to
resolve those past threat points
without creating threat points yourself
that would then necessitate a paradox
by needing to be resolved at another point
in a given timeline?
Or, if you're into time cube
theory, in a given time cube.
- Oh, like Ashton Kutcher.
- Adaine pulls out a paper bag
and starts breathing into it.
- Yeah.
[Brennan laughing]
- Riz is just sweating so much.
No, that's super cool, that's awesome.
Just a lot of stuff to
think about and worry about.
- Yeah, all of the people
that I could've been saving right now
in order to stop the time...
Oh god.
- What's a time cube?
- I mean... [laughs]
- [Chesca] What is a time cube?
- I message to Riz, "Talmares"
is an anagram of "real mast".
- Oh...
- So the god
may be a real mast of something.
Have you thought of that?
I'm just trying to-
- Yeah.
Now I'm thinking about it.
- Ground myself
in something that I can
think about and understand.
- I say it three times.
- Hey, Chesca.
- Looking into the void.
[Brennan laughing]
- Chesca, have you ever, um,
seen the Ashton Kutcher
movie "The Butterfly Effect"?
[others laughing]
- [laughs] I skateboard back
now the conversation's cool again.
- Chesca goes-
- Have you...
- [Chesca] What are-
- It's this documentary.
It's this kind of critical
theory documentary
that kind of harkens back
to what you just said.
[Emily laughing]
- [Chesca] Oh.
- And then I pull a
pencil out of the oatmeal
and I kind of start to lick it.
[others laughing]
- [Chesca] Oh. Are you hungry?
[Emily laughing]
- What's that? No, I'm...
You know, I'm just.
I work and I write. [laughs]
And I-
- [Chesca] Yeah.
Oh, that's super cool.
[others laughing]
What kind of adventuring are you into?
Are you a psionic, or are you...?
'Cause that's interesting.
If you're into destiny theory,
you could check out the Eternalist Orrery,
where we're dealing with
some of these threat paradox problems.
- Wow, yeah. I would be very...
I would be very interested in that.
And also is there a place that
I could take a shower nearby.
Just to kind of...
- What?
- Reset.
[others laughing]
Rest my body.
[others laughing]
- [Chesca] Well...
- [laughing] On a college tour, Kristen?
[others laughing]
- Like, I-
- You're gonna ask if
there's a place-
- Do you have a towel?
- To take a shower?
- I'm coming back online.
[laughs] I cast Leomund's tiny hut
and I go inside [laughing]
and I try to take a shower.
[others laughing]
- I cast Unseen Servant to help.
- You will absolutely-
- Me and an unseen servant
go into my tiny hut. [laughing]
- I go-
- I'll be right back!
- Let's go to the destiny place.
- I'm gonna cast Disguise
Self and pretend to be Kristen
and just do cool skateboard tricks
to try to undo what just happened.
- Just revving, revving the buggy.
[others laughing]
- Cool.
- Come on.
We've got new things to
worry about, come on!
- [laughs] Riz revving the buggy.
- Fig, you do these cool tricks.
Go ahead and give me a
Performance check real quick.
- I'm Kristen, I'm Kristen!
I'm cool, I'm not weird!
Everything I said was
[laughing] not what I meant!
[dice clattering]
I just crit!
[all laughing]
- Classic cool person behavior,
saying I'm not weird and dancing.
[others laughing]
- Wow!
This girl is cool!
- I'm Kristen, I'm Kristen!
God, I wish I could say, "I'm Kristen."
- Kristen, Kristen!
- I burst out of the hut.
I'm super-clean and I look f*cking hot.
[others laughing]
I get in the buggy.
- So you burst out of the hut,
fully blowing up Fig's spot.
[all laughing]
That there are now two Kristens.
However-
- I'm Kristen!
- Wait, wait, wait! I cast-
- However.
Fig crits on the Performance check,
so as Chesca goes to walk away
with Professor Womlingbuzz,
you see that Kristen, as you come out,
having cleaned yourself up with magic,
Chesca looks over at you, Fig, and goes-
- [Chesca] Hey, I know
that's a Disguise Self.
That's a cool thing to do for a friend.
Way to go.
- And walks away from Fig
with Professor Womlingbuzz
before looking back at Kristen. [laughs]
Go ahead and give me
Insight checks if you want.
[dice clattering]
- Uh...
- Ooh, baby, that's a 25.
All right.
- Uh, 18.
- 18.
Fig and Kristen both
are aware that Chesca...
Any attempt from Kristen,
who is deep in these...
Kristen is so deep in her
romantic horrors with Tracker
which you've been going
through, and for a moment,
both of you get a high
enough insight check
to see that rather than
a hopeless romantic,
what Chesca is seeing is
an oatmeal-covered child,
[others laughing]
and just walks away
without [laughing] any
look back at Kristen.
- Kristen, I'm really sorry.
- Fair enough.
- I crit and everything. I really tried.
- I really appreciate that.
I'm clean now. I'm turning a new leaf.
Um, hey, everyone.
[others laughing]
Hey.
- You look great.
- Thank you.
- Can we go to the destiny thing, or...
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Feel like there was something
about fixing past mistakes
and we started taking showers.
[all laughing]
- I dispel the tiny
hut. Let's move forward.
- I feel like the tour is
gonna be over pretty soon.
- I peel away at eight miles per hour.
[all laughing]
- You peel away.
- I'm outta here!
- Jathriss calls out and goes-
- [Jathriss] Whoa, okay!
So we wanna go to the
Eternalist Orrery right now?
Is that where we're headed?
- Yes, sir.
- Sounds cool.
- Yeah. That sounds good.
- [Jathriss] Cool, okay. Awesome.
- You guys roll up into
one of the campus's more public buildings.
You walk in and see a orrery
made out of pure energy.
And again, an orrery is one of those...
It's like the thing in Aughra's
cave in "The Dark Crystal".
It's like a giant mobile
of spheres and planets and
rings covered in runes.
This one is made out of
pure, buzzing psionic energy.
You see that there are
a number of hovering tables and benches.
This is like a big student work area.
Some sort of humming
music is playing here.
There are classrooms
that kind of come off of
this central workspace.
What the students appear to
be working on here are...
Classes have just started up,
so a lot of this looks like thesis work.
Like, students that are in their last year
that have already been
researching during the summer
what they want to do.
You see a group of three women who...
One of them looks very, very young.
Like, maybe just barely into her 20s.
The other one looks like
a middle-aged woman,
or more matronly.
And then there's an
ancient, ancient woman.
You see that they, as you look at them,
look like the same
woman at different ages.
Moving strands of humming energy
through a complex weave,
and as they move the strands,
you get glimpses of space created
through windows made by
these threads of energy
into galaxies and spinning cosmoses beyond
as they consult with each
other to move things around.
- Are these the Fates?
- Fates.
- Yeah.
- It looks like the Fates to you.
- Ooh.
- Cool.
- The Fates teach here?
- Kristen...
- You look and one of the Fates
looks up, and then she says-
- [Fate] Oh, I actually go here.
- But does that one teach here? [laughs]
- You see that the
eldest of the Fates says-
- [Eldest Fate] No, no.
I am also a senior.
- Like, a student, or...
- [Eldest Fate] Oh, yes. Well, yes.
A senior, and a member
of the senior year class.
- So, the loom that you tend to
seems like a lot of work, right?
How do you have to
juggle a full course load
and also pull the strands of fate?
- [Eldest Fate] Well, we
are going to be the Fates
of a brand new world
in the prime material,
so we and the other gods are
kind of just getting started.
- You look out and see on the quad
that there is a young
demi-goddess who is walking along
who you can tell has this
fresh, deific attitude.
It looks like as new worlds are born,
[laughing] some of the gods come here
to take some classes as
their world gets started up.
- Cool.
- They say-
- [Eldest Fate] So, we're
just getting a bead on things,
on how spinning the
strands of destiny work.
- You look over and see some
other adventurers nearby
who seem to be working on a project
similar to what Chesca was talking about,
about how to go back in.
You see that there's a paladin, a cleric
and what looks like maybe a
divine soul sorcerer there,
like aasimar, who are looking at the...
Fig, you recognize the
moment they're looking at
through this hovering psionic mirror
of the initial fall of these angels
and the creation of the lower planes
that you were shown by
your father, Gorthalax.
- Whoa.
- And they're looking at it,
scratching their chins, they're talking.
- Hey. Hey, uh.
Sorry, hey. I'm Figueroth Faeth.
You thinking of undoing that moment?
- Jathriss looks over and says-
- [Jathriss] Hey. Got
some kids coming in here.
Just prospective students.
- Oh. Sorry, yeah.
- You see that the adventurers look up.
They do kind of look like they're
in the middle of a project
and didn't know they were
gonna be part of the tour.
But they look up at Jathriss,
and the sorcerer goes-
- [Sorcerer] Hey!
Yes. Uh, yeah.
Right now, we're working
on our senior project,
which we're kind of attempting
to explore the thesis
that rather than the planes themselves
being manifestations of ideas that exist
throughout all the other planes
that planes actually produce
that resonance themselves,
and so if you were to ever stop
the creation of the lower planes,
you would effectively be able
to prevent all harm in the
universe, or in the multi-verse,
by negating the creation of evil.
So, that's kind of what we're working on
in our last year here.
- Cool, yeah. Cool.
You know, some of us are
just, like, born of evil.
So, you know.
We just kind of wonder about
what our individual fates
might be in that universe.
But that's cool. Can I smoke in here?
[others laughing]
I'm already smoking.
- You see as you're smoking...
Actually, Jathriss look over and goes-
- [Jathriss] Hey, if you wanna smoke,
I think probably outside is
the best place to do that.
- Cool, yeah.
- [Jathriss] 'Cause people
are studying in here.
- Yeah. I respectfully stomp it out.
[others laughing]
- You stomp it out on the floor.
As you stomp it out,
you see another professor
walks over to you,
a triple-headed genasi.
And their triple head is
actually one head structure
but just with three faces on it
in kind of a triangle around,
and their head has no neck
but just orbits, floating
slightly above their shoulders.
Walks over to you.
This is a genasi,
but it's a genasi of the
positive energy plane,
which is the raw force of
life energy through the world,
so it's kind of a life genasi.
Floats up and says-
- [Genasi] Ah, hello!
Visiting high school students.
Welcome to the Eternalist Orrery.
I am Professor Crytus Triplehead,
and I see that all of you are
interested in destiny studies.
Are there any questions I
can answer about our studies
of the nature and flow
of destiny and fate?
- Yeah, um. Hi, Riz Gukgak.
This is all terrifying and concerning.
There's some students back there
that are just gonna maybe
undo the lower planes.
Is that like when you
give students fake money
that they could put on Wall Street
and they see if they can invest it,
or is this, like, real,
and they're really gonna do that stuff?
Is that a situation that is happening,
just right now, just unweaving time?
- You see that
Professor Crytus Triplehead
looks at you and says-
- [Crytus] Ah!
You are asking how well
the thesis of these
three students is faring.
- Professor Crytus sort of-
[Brennan imitating energy bubbling]
rotates their head and goes-
- [Crytus] I would say that
their chances of this
thesis proving possible
are extremely limited.
- And you see that a
paladin at the table goes-
- [Paladin] Come on!
- Like, just-
[others laughing]
- [Paladin] We're at the
beginning of the year!
We're just getting started!
[Emily laughing]
- Crytus goes-
- [Crytus] I perceive all forms of time
as they stretch forward from this moment.
And in very few futures
do any of you receive a passing grade.
[Emily laughing]
- They sort of go...
[Brennan imitating bubbling]
You guys see a door at the
side of this place flings open.
A massive, hunched over red slaad,
which is one of these chaos
frogs, runs in and goes-
- [Slaad] Destiny's bullshit!
There's no such thing as time!
Everything and nothing is
happening at the same moment!
f*ck all of you!
- Breaks something
on the ground-
[others laughing]
And a roiling dream snake
with the head of a bug
explodes into the hall.
I'm gonna need everybody
here to roll initiative.
[all laughing]
- What?
- f*ck yeah.
I think I want to go to college now.
[Brennan laughing]
[dice clattering]
- It is wild.
- Oof.
I am rolling Murphily today.
- 12.
- Murphily!
[others laughing]
- What did Adaine get?
- I got an eight.
- What did Gorgug get?
- Got a nine.
- What did Fig get?
- 12.
- What did Riz get?
- Dirty 20.
- Woo!
- Whoa!
- What did Kristen get?
- Four.
- Incredible.
We are going to begin with this monster.
So, you see that one of the students
who has a bunch of patches
sewn into the clothes
on his massive frog
form, smashes this thing,
appears to be maybe part
of some college club
dedicated to the erasure
of all forms of structure and law,
of which destiny is definitely one.
- Oh, no. Not more libertarians.
[all laughing]
- It sounds like Fig's new boyfriend.
- [laughs] Incredible.
This creature, hold on one second,
is going to run up and cast this.
I'm going to need everybody here
to give me a Wisdom saving throw.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, really?
- I'm gonna do my little thing-
- Oh, no!
- That I have a...
Because of my guitar,
I'm gonna take disadvantage on this save.
- Nat 20.
- Hell yes.
- And then he'll get disadvantage from me.
- Nat one.
- Oh no!
- Can you use your portent?
- Uh, yeah.
I can use my portent.
I guess I'll use my 15 portent.
- I got a 13.
- I got a 19.
- 25.
- Wow!
- Okay.
Tell me, so did anyone
here get below a 21?
- Oh my god.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
- I did!
- Okay.
Gorgug succeed on a nat 20,
but did everybody else get beneath a 21?
- No, I got a 25.
- 25 from Kristen.
Okay, Kristen and Gorgug are okay.
Pretty much everybody else
as this roiling, bug-headed
dream smoke snake
[Brennan imitating smoky whispering]
roils out into the Eternalist Orrery.
It creates a psionic confusion effect
that hits everybody
except Gorgug and Kristen.
- Wow.
[Emily sighing]
- "An affected target
can't take reactions,
"and must roll a d10 at the
start of each of its turns
"to determine its behavior for that turn."
- Oh, no.
- sh*t!
I thought it would just
take a ton of damage.
- Next in the order is Riz.
Riz, give me a d10.
[dice clattering]
- 10.
- "The creature can
act and move normally!"
- Yeah!
- Riz, you're good-
[Emily cheering]
[Brennan laughing]
- Yes.
- So this thing-
- Don't worry, everyone.
I'm completely under control.
I just swing my g*n around.
[Brennan laughing]
- Riz, what do you do?
You're first to act.
- Is it within five feet
of any of my friends?
- I think not at the moment.
Oh, actually, no. It
closes distance with you.
It's up in the melee mix now, yes.
It is within five feet
of one of your friends.
- Okay, then I will go
ahead and take a shot
with the Gukgak g*n.
Come on!
[dice clattering]
[Emily laughing]
- Ooh, that's pretty good.
That is a 23 to hit.
- A 23 hits, baby.
- Great.
[Emily whistling]
Sweet, so I will do...
I roll another Sneak Attack.
[birds tweeting]
Sorry, just seeing how much.
- No worries.
[dice clattering]
- So...
Dah dah dah. Sorry.
Uh, eight, nine...
[dice clattering]
Nine, 20.
[dice clattering]
- Ooh, doctor!
You blast this thing. Boom!
You blast the thing for
[Brennan imitating unearthly wailing]
As the swirling vortexes
of smoke manifest briefly
into the pus-filled eyes
that then spray out into motes of light
that inverse into negative
fractals of themselves.
Horrifying interplanar being.
Riz, that is your turn.
Next-
- And I'll hide. I'll hide.
[dice clattering]
- Give me a Stealth check.
- I rolled a two, so, uh...
- f*ck!
- Really bad. 15.
- Copy that.
That is going to now be Fig.
Give me a d10 roll.
- Okay.
[dice clattering]
I got a one. [laughs]
- Oh no!
So, with a one...
First of all, also, Riz.
Give me a roll for a
Wisdom saving throw again
at the end of your turn
to try to come out of the effect.
- Oh. Oh, got it.
- Uh, 16.
- 16 does not pass.
Fig, on a one, "The creature
uses all of its movement
"to move in a random direction.
"To determine the direction, roll a d8
"and assign a direction to each die face.
"The creature doesn't
take an action this turn."
Go ahead and roll a d8,
if you'd be so kind.
- At least I don't attack anyone!
I got a five.
- Okay.
One, two, three, four, five.
You run directly away from this thing.
It's gonna get a swing on you.
[Emily laughing]
However, it doesn't say-
- I don't have reactions, right?
- You don't have reactions.
Let me see here. Yes.
Yeah, spawning delusions.
But it doesn't say anything
about bonus actions,
so I'll go ahead and let you
take a bonus action if you'd like.
But I'm gonna roll an
attack roll, see if it hits.
It definitely hits.
[Ally exhaling]
And I'm going to need...
Ooh, that's a lot.
- Oh!
- Fig, you take 29 points
of necrotic damage.
- Oh, wow!
- Ooh!
- As it-
- What?
- Goodness! Oh, I wish I
could Hellish Rebuke you!
[Brennan laughing]
- And then you have a bonus action.
- Okay. I think that
my only bonus action...
No-one needs to be healed.
I think my only bonus action is,
I'm going to then take the
dash action with my skateboard
to get back into range
instead of running away.
[group laughing]
- Hell yeah.
[Ally laughing]
Awesome. So, you run away, run back.
[Brennan screaming]
Gorgug, you are next.
- Do I do a Wisdom save
to try to, uh...
- Oh, yes.
- Kick it?
- Give me a Wisdom save.
Yes, yes, yes.
- I did not get it. [laughs]
- Oh no! Gorgug, that's you.
- Gorgug, he looks around.
Usually I'm the one who's
completely confused.
This is crazy.
[others laughing]
Gorgug's just gonna go into a rage
and take two attacks.
So I'll do that.
- Hell yeah.
- Rolling both at the same time.
Uh, pretty bad. [laughs]
First one is a...
What do I add here?
Oh, I add 11?
Okay, it's a 26, and then a 15.
- [Brennan] 15 does not
hit. The 26 does hit.
- Okay, rolling a little d12.
[dice clattering]
Oh, nine plus seven.
So I do 16 damage to this lil' dude.
- Hell yeah.
- I forget if this
damage has rage included.
It's plus seven. Does that
mean rage factored in?
- Oh, no, that does
not have rage included.
- So I add two to the damage, I think.
- Cool.
- Right?
- Yes, awesome. You-
[Brennan imitating thudding]
Thud into this thing
with the heavy metal ax.
- Hell yeah.
- You've already made your save.
Adaine, give me that d10 roll.
- Ugh. A nine.
- Oh, you move and act normally this turn.
- Great.
- Hell, yeah.
- Very lucky rolls. Go for it.
What are you gonna do?
- I will cast Arcane Hand
and I will attack the thing
with a clenched fist.
- [Brennan] Hell yeah.
- So let me see if there
are any dice that I've used
that are not bad.
[dice clattering]
No, they're all bad.
[Zac laughing]
Oh, okay. I rolled a 16.
Does a 16 hit?
A 16, I'm afraid, does not hit.
- Yikes.
[Ally whistling]
- Well, nevertheless.
[others laughing]
Let's do my Wisdom save.
It doesn't pass. I rolled a nine.
- Oh no!
[others laughing]
We move from Adaine.
Kristen, that's gonna be you.
- Okay. Ooh, lord.
Okay, I am going to use my Staff of Doubt,
and I'm going to reach over
and tap Riz on the back and
cast a fifth-level Dispel Magic.
- Whoa!
- Can I...
- Hell yeah.
- Save him from this condition?
- Let me just...
I believe a fifth-level
Dispel Magic here...
Let me actually,
I just want to check
something out real quick.
[Brennan humming]
Staff of Doubt. Fifth-level Dispel Magic.
What level spell is that?
Go ahead and roll me a... [humming]
The Staff of Doubt.
Go ahead and roll, a
fifth-level Dispel Magic...
I will also say that with this...
Yeah, fifth level Dispel Magic, cool.
With a fifth-level spell
slot, you automatically dispel
[Ally whistling]
the confusion effect on Riz.
- Ooh, thank you.
- Whoo!
- Yeah, of course.
- I think I was just hiding...
The reason I did so bad with my hiding
is that I was just hiding
behind Kristen's leg.
[all laughing]
- I'm like, hey! Tap.
[Murph and Ally laughing]
[Emily laughing]
- Hell yes.
- Like a broom, hitting with a broom.
- [laughs] Hey, hey!
[Emily laughing]
- Where's Riz?
- And can I roll an Insight?
Is that frog, the chaos frog, still here?
- Yes, the chaos frog is at
the back doors of the place,
just going-
- [Slaad] [whooping] That's what you get!
That's what you get, that's what you get!
- Can I roll Insight to see if
I would actually maybe
kinda like this guy?
- Yeah, give me an Insight check.
- I know, that's what I'm worried about.
I'm worried about that too.
- [laughing] I did so good.
That's a 21.
[others laughing]
- A 21?
You get the feeling that
this frog is f*cking sick.
You think that this dude...
[others laughing]
- Iffy dude?
- I look over to him
and I'm like, respect.
[others laughing]
- Respect.
- He's trying to k*ll us with a worm.
He's trying to k*ll us with a worm.
- I'm hoping no-one saw it.
This is just between
me and the chaos frog.
- I know you don't wanna be
tied to destiny and everything,
but just throwing a worm into destiny
also seems like a bad idea, right?
Right, everybody?
- Just seems awesome.
[Emily laughing]
- The best intentions.
[Brennan laughing]
- At the end of this first round,
Professor Crytus goes and
immediately banishes the snake.
Boom!
[others laughing]
You see, boom! The snake is banished.
[all laughing]
You immediately see that
what you assumed was like,
oh my god, this guy's
trying to k*ll everybody!
The minimum level
of any of the students
in here is a 15th level.
This was effectively like egging.
This was like egging the room.
[Emily laughing]
It was like just throwing
a nasty egg in here.
- Ooh.
[Emily laughing]
- The snake is gone.
- We didn't freak out.
We didn't freak out, everyone.
[Brennan laughing]
- We didn't freak out.
- Hey, everyone just saw
me skateboard around.
I just looked cool.
- Some normal stuff.
I'm gonna tell on this frog to the buggy.
[others laughing]
- As you say that,
you see that everyone in here looks round
and says, "God, a f*cking narc."
But all of you, instead of hearing narc,
just hear a weird buzz,
and you see more intersecting lines.
Fig, your earlier check...
Riz is a glowing alarm
beacon on the psionic plane.
[others laughing]
- We must undo this.
- Riz.
- I've got a new senior
project for everyone!
- This school isn't for you.
Don't visit the gift shop-
- I've got a new senior project.
Can we make Riz Gukgak cool?
[all laughing]
Think about it.
- Better, maybe-
- I'm down.
- Than undoing planes.
- I try to pierce Riz's ear really quick.
[others laughing]
- Argh!
- You see that Kristen, as you look over,
Professor Triplehead looks
at the slaad and goes-
- [Crytus] Greg, get out of here.
You are bad news, my young friend.
- Greg the slaad looks out and says-
- [Greg] All of you f*cking suck.
You can't meddle with time.
Time's an illusion.
[Emily laughing]
Nothing actually happens!
Everyone's having an
individual, different dream.
Nothing's real!
And you see Greg-
- I look at him
with my face bruised and
bloodied from his prank
and I say, right on!
[others laughing]
- He looks at you and says-
- [Greg] Exactly!
You're not real to me.
I'm not real to you.
Neither of our multiverses ever touch.
Nothing matters and everything matters.
I'm out! Go Greg!
- Actually, maybe I don't
really like what you say.
I just like your energy. [laughs]
[others laughing]
- You see that Greg
explodes and teleports,
but instead of leaving smoke,
there are a bunch of just eggs of himself
in a weird frog sac left.
[Zac groaning]
[others laughing]
- I pick up one of the eggs
and I say, Gorgug, I told you
I was gonna get you one of those rocks.
- Is it gonna float around my head?
[others laughing]
- Yeah.
- I take one for Boggy
so he can have a friend later.
[others laughing]
- We don't want little Gregs.
Why does everyone like Greg
so much and hate me, huh?
Have you thought about that?
[others laughing]
Maybe that's the conspiracy.
Maybe that's the weird thing.
[others laughing]
- Is it doing it?
[Emily laughing]
- It looks really good, Gorgug.
- Cool.
- Professor Triplehead goes-
- [Crytus] Please be very
careful with the Greg eggs.
Do not bring them to worlds that do not-
- You could just call
them the Greggs. [laughs]
- Greggs.
- The Greggs.
[Emily laughing]
- I could go for a
bacon, Gregg and cheese.
[Emily laughing]
- I put a Gregg in my pocket.
[others laughing]
- [Crytus] Bring those
Greg eggs to your world
at your own peril.
[others laughing]
- I do Burning Hands to make some Gregg
for your bacon, Gregg and cheese.
[Emily and Murph laughing]
- As you cast Burning Hands
onto the pile of eggs,
instead of cooking,
they just multiply more
and there's a larger pile.
[others laughing]
- I can do it with two.
[Emily laughing]
- We need to undo Greg.
We need to throw Greg into the Abyss.
This really needs to happen.
[others laughing]
- You guys, but Jathriss is like-
- [Jathriss] Okay, I think
we've spent enough time
at the Eternalist Orrery.
[others laughing]
Let's head off.
- You guys head, go up to this god's head.
You get a good bacon, egg
and cheese in the cafeteria.
[Ally whooping]
I assume nobody jumps on
tables in the cafeteria.
[Emily and Ally laughing]
You guys end your day
having explored around.
I think Jawbone goes and buys everybody
some Ioun stones at the gift shop.
They're kind of expensive.
The only one he can get
you, the cheapest...
He gets everyone a cheapest Ioun stone,
which the enchantment on
the cheapest Ioun stone
is just the enchantment that
lets it fly around your head.
So...
[Ally laughing]
- Rad.
- All right.
- I'm gonna try to tape my egg to that.
[all laughing]
- You try to tape a
wet egg to a f*cking...
- I tape Ayda's feather to it
so I look almost like a flapper.
[others laughing]
- I love it.
You guys get back to Mordred
Manor after your day.
Ayda is waiting for you,
after having worked a day at
the Compass Points library.
You actually see, as you guys get back,
the door on the landing
at Mordred Manor opens
and you guys see a pirate
walk out into your home
and look very confused
and lost and be like-
- [Pirate] Oh, I think I
went through the wrong door.
- And walk back
[Zac laughing]
into the Compass Points.
Ayda walks out and says-
- [Ayda] Yes, please don't
go past the velvet rope.
Ah, my darling paramour.
You've taped my feather to an Ioun stone.
- Yes.
- You look like a flapper
constantly turning around.
- Yeah. Thank you, yeah.
- Yes?
- And if I turn the other way
then it's like this super-trippy visual
that's like the rock's going one way
and I'm going the other.
- Yes, if you were to turn with the rock,
you would look like a flapper
in a character select screen
in a crystal game.
[others laughing]
- Has anyone seen that egg?
- I do that immediately for her.
[others laughing]
- Gorgug, as you say, "Has
anyone seen that egg?"
your egg slipped out of the tape
and you guys look to see a one-foot tall,
freshly-born Greg sprinting
out into Elmville.
- No!
- Going-
- [Greg] Looks like Greg's here, baby!
[Emily laughing]
- That's probably fine.
- [Emily] Yay! [laughs]
- And that's where we have
to end our adventure today.
[all laughing]
What a wonderful college campus tour
of Astral State University.
[others laughing]
Thank all of you for tuning in
to our little "Dimension
Thank you so much for watching,
and we'll catch you all next time.
[Ally whooping]
[all whooping]
- Bye!
- "That's probably fine."
[laughs] Zac!
[Brennan laughing]
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07x21 - College Visit RTX @ Home Live
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.