- You ready to play some d&d?
- Set.
- Yeah.
- Lets do it.
- Yeah.
- I love you guys.
- I love you
- You're the enemy.
- Love you hate you.
- Welcome one and all to
another exciting episode
Of a crown of candy.
My name is brendan lee
mulligan with me as always,
Our intrepid heroes,
Say, "hi" intrepid heroes.
- Hi intrepid heroes.
- Fun.
- We're having fun.
- We're having fun.
We're having a good time.
- We are having fun.
- We're in a warehouse at 1:00 am,
Playing this right now,
I need you to know that.
- And yet at the same time,
I wouldn't be anywhere else
in the f*ck world right now
- Last we left our intrepid heroes,
They were in the cathedral of
Saint arugula with king amethar
and lady plumbeline's hand
On the book of saint citrina of candia,
Which compelled him to tell the truth.
Hinted at, long before the banquet
On your arrival in comida.
Turns out, king amethar did,
Have a girl in the dairy
islands stashed away.
More than have her,
He married her catherine ghee, a commoner.
Which he told no one.
In the back of the cathedral
is monterey jack, in shackles
And compelled to speak
the truth the pontifex
Asked clearly if king amethar,
Was married still,
And he was, and the
marriage never annulled,
Meaning,
There was no binding
marriage to caramelinda.
Jet and ruby rocks,
Are indeed b*stards, unable
to inherit land or title.
And after excommunicating king amethar,
For the sins of adultery,
And of deception,
Being an oath breaker,
Taking a false oath during
his marriage to caramelinda,
Amethar also lost the ability
to hold land or title,
Meaning that the kingship,
the crown of candia,
Passed hundreds of miles
away to duke joren jawbreaker
In open rebellion,
Which means that candia,
Is immediately withdrawn from the concord,
And in fact at w*r with the concord.
At that point,
The pontifex told the
guards to seize them.
We will begin by saying we
had some impressive rolls,
There was some knowledge we gleaned,
About the prophidian heresy
And the ramsian doctrine,
Which might not be super
critical right now.
- Not in my head right now.
- And lapin got that nat
Which on your turn as a free action,
You may plumb the depths of
That more to learn what you will.
- Okay.
- We will begin initiative with jet.
It is your turn first.
- Do you want us to move these away?
- Yes, kindly take these away.
And actually prior to jet going,
Oh yeah, go ahead and remove those.
Thank you guys.
- And remember to get me, if you—
- Yeah.
- It,
- Are these magnetized?
- Next to each other.
- Wow.
- Pretty incredible work.
- Yeah, really good.
- Gorgeous work.
- Magnets, nice touch.
- Very pretty.
- Really though, i mean that.
- It's awesome, it is genuinely awesome.
- Yeah. Really cool.
- Oh, you didn't tell us what the,
Poison water steel daggers do.
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.
The water steel daggers, deal,
There's three,
Dc 15 constitution saving
throws you have to make,
One creates a silence effect,
Another one gives the poisoned
condition to candians,
It deals 8d6 damage.
To everybody else it
would deal 4d6 damage.
- Cool.
- Would sneak attack
apply to that as well?
- Oh, that's poison damage on
top of sneak attack, correct.
- Okay.
- Those are some hefty daggers.
However, like the dagger
that first went into amethar,
They're like potions, once used,
The water, the blade is the poison
And it goes into the
wound to k*ll the target.
So the dagger, once used once, is no more.
We're going to,
Because it was not established
in previous episode.
We're going to figure out how attended
The
Previously royal family
Is at this current moment.
I would like,
You guys, i will trust that you guys will
Know who you would travel with.
Would you be traveling with
The tartguard to the trial of
Liam?
- I mean i feel like they
just kind of follow us,
- Yeah, even if we didn't want them there.
- Go ahead amethar if you'd be so kind
And just roll a d8 for me.
- Seven.
- Hey.
- If you'd be so kind,
Go ahead
And place,
Seven of these tartguard,
Around you.
It's all but one.
- Yeah, they can just
take up the second room.
- Lapin, would you have
been sitting on the outside?
- I trying to think of like,
for the language of me,
Like bringing liam to court, does it make,
Is there difference, why that
makes sense for me to stand?
It feels weird that
i'd just be in a line—
- Actually i think lapin in all likelihood
You could be on the dais.
- Cool.
- If you want,
- Lapin's on the dais.
- Lapin's on the dais, cool.
Where would you like to be on the dais?
- I think lapin would be
on the left side of the dais,
If the pontifex is on the right.
- Cool, so like right here?
- Yes.
- Great.
Yeah, you're a provision of the church
You're there holding court.
Do you feel that any of
your servants would be here
Or your other attendants?
- Cal seems like he would be there.
- Yeah
- Just cal.
- Yeah, probably just cal.
- Okay.
- The crueler guy?
- The crueler guy.
- Lord crueler, seems to have,
hung out with us a bunch.
- That's yeah, cal.
- Oh, that's cal?
- Yeah.
- Not, lord swirlie.
- No, i mean if lord swirlie attended,
It's by his own volition.
- Yeah.
Watch, lord swirlie is like, stacked.
- Yeah we're going to end up realizing
That was like the key to our,
- Actually, you know what
i'm gonna do for this one?
I'm gonna ask you to,
I'm going to have, i'm gonna ask you to,
Roll the dice three times.
You're looking for 11 or
higher, not 10 or lower.
Amethar you can roll.
- Three times?
- Three times.
- Three.
Nine.
Six.
- f*ck
- Neither lord cruller or lady donnetta
Nor swirlie,
The lord and lady swirlie,
nor your attendants are here,
They're all back dealing
with the death of the emperor
And the great pyramid of food.
Jet you are first to act.
- Oh, this is f*cking awful.
I don't think in good conscience i can be,
Strategic,
Because i think i would be
very emotional right now.
And so
I think i am just going
to charge the pontifex.
- I knew it.
I f*cking knew it.
- Of course.
- And i think i'll—
- Theo shits himself.
- I'll just say,
"i'd rather be a b*stard than
a fool who believes in a bulb.
"if it's a f*cking w*r you want,
"it's a f*cking more you got,"
And i'm going to use my action to charge,
- Great.
- Or use my movement to charge forward.
I have a feeling there's gonna
be some opportunity attacks.
- There certainly will be.
So,
- If you go before
anyone goes would there?
- There is no surprised condition
here for anyone involved.
Everyone can use reactions
in the first round of combat.
So jet, what path are
you taking to get there?
- I would like to just scoot past this guy
And then come around here.
- Okay.
We're gonna go,
- You could stay within his reach.
- Yeah, he's within,
- Here's five,
- You're within his reach.
- 10.
That's 10 there.
And then you gonna go,
- And then i wanna stay,
- 15 in his reach?
Okay.
- Yeah, and sprinkle is coming with me.
- Okay. Sprinkle's coming with,
Sir bonnathan is going
to take a swipe at you
To prevent you from leaving
his threatened area.
- Okay.
- Is that french fries?
- That's french fries.
- I'm going to
Go ahead and you say, okay,
he's not within five feet of me.
Alright, i'll let them attack.
- He is kinda within five foot of you.
- He is 10 feet away.
- You take.
- I'm going to use my reaction,
To use my swirlwarden and i jump forward,
And i do like a flicker of arcane magic.
And i turn to jet and
i go, "f*ck the bulb."
- f*ck the f*cking bulb.
- Incredible.
So you instead are going to take,
Three plus three is six,
back down to three damage.
That is—
- I have to continue my turn.
- You actually, he has
a sentinel-Like ability.
So even though the damage
has been prevented,
He still hit you—
- Shield.
- Which is what triggers,
Okay, hold on, you cast shield?
- I cast shield.
- You are prevented from,
Or no, sorry, you are,
successfully pass him.
- Okay, so then i would like to continue
And then hop up there.
- Okay, so you're gonna go then,
So that's, sorry, you were here, right?
So it's five, 10, 15,
And then you're gonna go,
- Hop up here here.
- Okay, you're, so you
want to go five feet?
So you're 25 feet there.
- You know what,
I'll play it safe, i will
action surge to get to her.
- Okay,
You take an action surge,
You're up in the box with her, correct?
- Yeah, and then i'm going to use,
What's it called?
Oh god, i'm so nervous.
- Dagger?
- Yes, i'm going to use the water dagger.
And i'm just gonna take a
help action from sprinkle.
To have advantage or i
can also do feinting.
I'm going to do feinting attack.
- Excellent.
- Okay.
- Nice.
- Does a 24 hit?
- 24 hits.
- Okay, i
Have, i don't think i have
Add sneak attack to this,
But i do 4d6 cause i use the water dagger.
- Why would you not have a sneak attack?
- Do you have
advantage on this roll?
- Oh yeah, so i add sneak attack
And then i also add my superiority die.
- Jesus christ.
- Okay.
- Whoa!
- k*ll the pope.
- And then do i add my damage bonuses?
- It's a normal attack.
So it's a normal attack
- Is it a dagger or is it like flickerish?
- It's not a flickerish, that's one d4
Plus your dex modifier.
- 28 damage
- 28 damage.
- You didn't even roll it,
Oh, you did roll a d4
- Oh, there's d4 now?
- Yeah, that's a dagger, add the d4.
- One d4 plus four.
- Oh, so what did i just say?
I'm so nervous right now, i'm shaking,
What did i say?
- 28
- And then add the d four.
- 30.
- Princess jet of the house of rocks,
Bounds up, theobald, you catch,
The halberd that comes swinging for her,
- I'm sorry,
I actually used sprinkle
for the advantage, right?
- No, you feinted, yes.
- I'm trying to think how much of a d*ck
I wanna be right now.
I'm going to say that you
have, are ambidextrous
And you have flickerish and
the dagger in each hand,
Which is why you were able to use,
Flickerish's shield ability
Even though you were attacking
with the dagger, cool?
- Okay,
- Cool.
- It's the one nice thing
that he's gonna do for us.
- And then i guess she has
to do those saving throws
Cause it's the water dagger.
- She is gonna do those saving throws.
Hold on one moment.
Okay.
Success.
- I'm sorry, i know this
isn't strategic but i just—
- No,
- No,
- What is the strategy?
- I don't know what the strategy is,
I just feel like would be.
- It's a success.
And she's going to burn
through a legendary resistance.
- f*ck.
Legendary action.
- So she didn't take any of that damage?
- Oh no, she took all that damage.
You, stab this poison dagger
Into her side, the pontifex screams,
An act that no one here ever thought
They would live to see.
- Bring it on b*tches.
House rocks is strong.
There is strength in sweetness.
- Long live the king.
- That is going to be amethar,
- Perception check for exits.
- Go for it.
- I think 14.
- The doors behind you are massive,
Wooden iron reinforced doors.
You hear the imperial guard locking them.
There are windows everywhere.
The windows are reinforced with these
Smaller like stone columns
And lateral like cross, stone crossbeams,
The windows are easy to smash
But not even jet or ruby could fit through
With those cross beams there.
If those cross beams were not
there, they could fit through,
Without having to roll,
You and theo would probably
have to find a way to roll,
To squeeze through,
Even if you were able to
smash the crossbeams out.
Smashing out those stone crossbeams,
On a 14, i'm not going
to say whether or not
Amethar knows that's possible.
- Great.
- Sorry, where are the crossbeams?
- They are not here, and either-
Is "nave" the correct
word for this area here?
I don't know.
But these little sort
of side chapel areas,
With votives and stuff
like that, no windows here.
Windows here in the side.
And windows along these sides here.
- Cool.
- Great.
- Can i do a with a 14 perception check,
Do the tartguard seem to still be with us?
- With a 14 perception, the tartguard,
Seem as goofy as ever
And look to you for orders.
- Great, i turn to them and say,
"hold off the imperial soldiers."
And i'm going to,
In terms of getting up to where jet is,
He has already used his
attack of opportunity?
- Bonnathan has yes.
- If i go, follow the
same path that she did,
Will i provoke, do i leave
his threatened radius?
Do i provoke an attack of opportunity?
- If you go boom, boom,
Yeah, there is a way for you to get
No attacks of opportunity from either
Plumbeline or bonnathan.
- Great, i would like to
make my way up to there.
So you're going to go five,
- I have 40 feet of movement now.
- 20 cool.
And where are you—
- I would like to run up to jet
And throw her from the pulpit.
- To where?
- Toward the windows.
- This is not your
fight. Let the new king-
- Okay,
I'm gonna say,
Go ahead and i assume jet
is attempting to resist or—
- I think i would be confused
and i would probably—
- I look at jet,
"please,
Do not die for me."
- Okay, i let myself be thrown.
- But before we,
This is gonna be your
action to do this throw?
- Can i go into a rage right before?
- Right before?
Yes, you can go into, i'm going
to say you go into a rage,
You can do it right there
and not catch theo or jet.
- If you throw me,
You know i'm just gonna come running back.
- Please take your sister and go.
- I can't walk away from this.
What am i going home with?
- What then- What are you going to do?
- And it's happening, you're in a rage.
I'm gonna say, "you're
very strong and jet is
Not too big."
I'm going to say, "go ahead and
give me an athletics check."
If you beat a 15, you
can throw her 15 feet.
If you beat a 20, you can
throw her up to her movement.
- Great.
Nat 20.
- Pick any place in the cathedral.
- No, i wanna fight, i wanna fight
I have so much to bring to this fight.
I was made to fight,
i'm not a spell caster.
- Can i throw her,
- My value is in here on the b*ttlefield.
- Can i throw her,
I guess like to the back of the cathedral?
- Yes, you can.
- Can you go up a level?
- There's no one there to
even fight, all of my—
- I will say this, remember
with your perception check
That she can't get out,
unless those stone crossbeams
Come out,
- All right,
I come up to the second,
This, can i throw her
up to the second level?
Against those windows?
- Yes you can, right up here.
Jet as you land
On that dais,
You see crouched down loading crossbows.
- f*ck.
- No.
- Several priests
who turn and smile at you
- I smile and i say, "thanks dad,
It looks like you were
looking after me after all."
- I turn to theobald and i say,
"get out of here."
Can you, is there a, can
i move to the pulpit?
Is that possible?
- Yeah, you have more movement,
You can move right to the
pulpit, that's no problem.
- Okay,
That's going to be—
- You don't have to worry about me.
- We're f*cked.
We're absolutely f*cked.
- That's amethar.
Okay.
One,
Two,
Seeing jet alight there.
These guys are all
gonna take shots at jet.
- f*ck.
- Don't, they don't take
shots with advantage,
Because they don't have
the high ground anymore.
This guy, you're right here jet,
That guy, he's gonna take out
a dagger and swing at you.
- You still have shield.
- Do i still have shield?
- Your just, your ac is 23.
- Yes.
- Jesus christ.
- No.
- I think those are
just the other shooters.
- I don't think that was damage dice.
- "please don't k*ll my sister."
- Six, 11,
- Beat a 23?
- On a nat 20, you take
As one of them shoots you in
the back with a cross bow bolt.
That's going to be,
Nine plus four.
Does not hit.
Okay, that's gonna be,
One, two, three.
Liam, you take,
Four, seven, nine points of
damage from the crossbow bolts
And ruby, you take a
the crossbow bolt as well.
- f*ck.
- And that is going to be liam's turn.
- Okay. I turn to this apple person,
And speak in fructerano and i say,
"are you all truly against us?"
- You see that lord rufus applebottom,
Looks at you and says,
"my good boy,
You are no longer a part of the concord.
Even if i wish to help
Joining you would endanger my kingdom."
- And just 10 minutes ago we were.
- Arrows are actively
hitting you in your body.
- Interesting.
- Focus up liam.
- When you put it like that,
I am going to,
Run
Here.
- Okay, you're
gonna run where, sorry?
One, two.
- To her.
- Okay.
- What does 30 feet look like?
- From where you were?
You were like—
- In a radius.
- Oh, 30 feet from right there
is huge, hold on, one second.
- Okay, cool.
- So what about to jet?
How far away is jet from us?
- More than 30 feet.
- Okay.
- How far away is king amethar
- King amethar is 35 feet away.
- 35?
Okay, then i'm gonna have to,
- Step in front of him?
- Jump on top of theo and—
- You cannot occupy theo's
space and take an action.
- Oh, right, okay, then i jump over theo,
- You can move through, right—
- You can move through—
- Great, then i'll
just move right there.
- Sure, hold on one second.
So you're starting, you're
starting here, right?
You're gonna go five, 10,
- Can i jump on top of that book?
- I'm trying to get 30
feet to include jet.
- Gotcha, yes, you can,
Plumbeline is gonna get an
attack opportunity on you.
Real quick.
- I look at her and i spit on the ground,
You disgrace your father.
- Oh, i can do a,
- Oh, sh*t.
- I can go, five, 10, 15, 20,
- 25, 30.
Yep, you could, and you'll
get no attack opportunity.
- I'll do that.
- But because you're changing elevation,
I'm going to need a dc 15 acrobatics.
Oh, you ignore difficult terrain?
- Yeah.
- f*ck yes, spry little liam, go for it.
- Cool and then i'm going to cast
Pass without a trace again, on all of us.
- Wooah.
- And then as a bonus action,
I am going to
Cast hunter's mark and make—
- Can't cast two spells in the same round.
- Oh, yeah, gotcha.
Okay, cool.
- What would pass without
a trace do for the fight?
Is it just for like we're all—
- For running away.
- If we like, you can hide his actions.
So like, if we get outside,
And they're chasing us or something.
- Cool.
- So for, preston's action, i'm gonna,
Have him,
Hide.
- Preston's gonna hide
for his action, okay.
Hold on one—
- Can preston fly up to jet?
Help jet out?
- No, i don't want preston getting hurt.
- I don't want you getting hurt.
- Well there's people—
- Well, now she's like higher
Stealth, right?
So wouldn't it be harder to hit her?
- I'm not—
- It's all disadvantage?
- It doesn't affect just
hitting her or anything.
- It doesn't—
- You need to hide to do that.
- Ooh, gotcha.
- Now i will also remind you
this is a concentration spell.
Cool.
- Cool.
Oh, no,
- Cool, so you cast pass without trace
And now preston can also act on your turn.
So what is preston going to do?
Preston's gonna hide?
- I don't think he could even get to jet.
It's only 40 feet for him to fly,
And he has to like land somewhere.
So he's just gonna hide.
- Right.
- He could make it there if he moved,
If he'd flew, if he did a double move.
But yeah.
- Okay, yeah.
- So if he used his action to move,
Like he can actually go 80 feet
And land because he can use
his action to do a movement
And has his regular move there.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Put him right next to
this guy in front of me.
- So 80, yeah, so you see guys,
This fight breaks out,
liam leaps up the dais,
Runs pass lapin, jumps
up onto the f*cking dais.
- You know what?
Actually sorry, i'm just
going to keep him with me
Cause we have like a dual fight.
- All right yeah,
- So, well i'm just
going to have him fly up.
Just, is moving right there
And his action will be to hide
under the table that i'm on.
- Cool, i am going to say this,
Not to tell you what to do as a player,
But i'm going to say
this to remind you that
A lot of your class features
Improve preston's combat abilities.
Now i think preston is adorable
And i want him to survive too
as a participant in this show,
Your character will be
wildly underpowered,
If preston does not
take actions in combat.
That's a decision that
you are willing to make
If that's your characters action.
But i want to share my understanding of
The game's mechanics with you.
- Got it.
So he should probably attack with preston.
Preston, goes for the fry guy.
- Oh sh*t, okay,
Cool, curve ball.
Awesome.
Preston has a coordinated attack
And can make a regular attack on his turn,
- You know what, what if i
just took all of this back
And we didn't do pass without a trace
And i just didn't attack.
Does it feel like we even
need pass without trace?
I thought it was giving us
- Concentration
- Disadvantage on—
- Yeah, if it's concentration.
- I'm sorry for wasting everybody's time,
I hope this all stays in.
- It's now three o'clock in the morning
And we're in a warehouse.
He kidnapped us, we are on an island
Somebody come and save us please.
- Is that okay?
- Yes.
Let's, let this—
- This is the only mulligan i will take,
The entire episode.
- Okay, gotcha.
- But we've got a mulligan most of time.
- He loves it.
- He loves mulligan jokes.
- That's the name at the end of my name.
Great, what is liam going to do?
- Okay, cutie.
I'm surprised it finally came to me.
I'm ready to talk.
I don't talk to the apple.
Why would you i?
I look straight ahead and i attack
That french fry who's currently in battle.
I, let's see.
I walk up, i cast a
hunter's mark on that person
And i hit him with my crossbow,
Which means a d10 and also a d6,
Extra d6 damage whenever
i hit them with a weapon.
- Hell yeah,
- Okay.
- Go ahead and just—
- Roll attack?
- Roll your attack for
your crossbow first.
- Okay, got it.
I'm going to,
Oh it's, i get advantage on
my first attack of battle.
- Oh really?
From your ranger ability.
- Yeah, i don't know where it is,
But it's definitely in here.
- Cool, dope, go for it.
Yeah, take your attack.
- Love it, okay,
Great, okay, so that is 20.
- You certainly—
- Oh no, it's 24.
Okay, so i hit that's a d6 and a d10,
That i will be doing,
So that's nine plus six, that's 15 damage.
- Jesus.
- And then preston's gonna attack,
And from where he is, that is a,
Charge.
- Oh sh*t.
Yes, it is that's a charge.
- So do i roll for preston?
- Yeah, preston actually has
to back up, to get 20 feet,
But he actually has
enough movement to do that
So he may make two attacks, yes.
And what does it say
as part of his charge?
He can charge,
- That's an extra d6.
- Cool, so go ahead and
do your charge first.
- Oh, that's only a 14,
- 14 misses but he has another attack
With coordinated attack that he take.
So you can roll his second attack.
- Ah, dang, that's a 10.
- You guys see liam draws
his crossbow and boom,
Sweet magic and a smell
of peppermint frozen red
And white energy swirls around,
Puts the hunter's mark on bonnathan,
Peppermint preston goes,
Wiggles his butt, backs up
And hits the shield and bounces off,
Not injuring bonnathan but
is now in combat with him.
You hear a voice say,
"witch, is that the spell you cast on me?"
I will see it undone."
And sir keradin deeproot
walks out of the shadows.
- b*tch.
He's going to go one, two,
three, four, five, here.
Sir keradin,
Walks up and deals 31
points of damage to you.
And says, "i know that the
spell still lingers on me.
Bulb, save me."
And this huge,
Green broccoli stem mace
thuds into your body twice.
That is sir keradin's turn.
That's the tartguard baby.
- Get in there, tartguard!
- He's gonna go five, 10, 20, 25, 30,
- Wrong way.
- Five, 10.15, 20, 25, 30.
- Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
Well no, they were given a
command by their king too.
- Yeah.
- Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
They all rush up there
and take dodge actions.
It's actually, no, hold on.
- It's going to be so crazy
cutting from our like,
So distraught faces to
these very silly minis,
- I know.
I know.
- Oh, the irony.
- They all have the cutest hats.
- So delicious.
- What was your command again to them?
Hold off the imperial guard?
- Hold off the imperial guard.
- Okay, so hold off.
They're going to take dodge actions.
- We have to get up there.
- So many people in this f*cking church.
- I have a plan.
- I also have a plan.
- Don't worry about me.
- I think everyone is—
- I'm gonna worry about you.
- You can worry about me.
No one else needs to, i have a way,
To get back down.
- To get back down!
- To rejoin the group.
At this point i wouldn't be
disobeying my father, i don't,
I think my father wished me up here,
But i think now he probably would,
- He would like for you
to get out of that window.
- All of us.
- Oh, i have a fun idea, okay.
I won't try to get back down guys.
- Just imagining though,
actual version of this,
Of what it would be like to
watch a bunch of sticks of bread
Cut into tarts and watch
their gooey blood flow.
Soak into their cl—.
- Plumbeline whips out a knife
And deals 30 points of damage
to sir theo on a nat 20
- Jesus, do i get minus three?
- Yeah, 27
- Already looking pretty low.
What are you at jet?
- I'm at 24, but i have second wind.
- That's gonna be lapin.
- Lapin sees, the good
paladin in front of him.
Wonders how made he is at this point.
But will look over at the, who's the,
The name of the person
from the meat lands?
- Basha myaso,
- I'm gonna look over at
basha and quietly say,
"wow,
You're going to let the king amethar,
Take all the glory of fighting the bulb.
The meat lands will
surely hear about this.
How your cowardice kept
you from fighting."
- I'm gonna get the box of doom out.
- That is extremely helpful.
- I'm gonna tell you right now,
this is not going to happen.
Hit a nat 20,
- Oh no.
- Get her to fight for us guys.
- Guy's a king.
- Come on.
- Come on.
- Seven.
- Oh,
- I really thought it was gonna happen.
- I don't even get advantage, come on.
- You should feel
grateful i even gave you,
You see that basha looks at you and says,
"i think you know this,
that i am a proud bulbian.
"this has nothing to do
with the meat lands."
- Weren't you going to tell
him something about the book?
- On his turn.
- On his turn?
- Yes, it doesn't relate
to the battle at hand,
But you'd look into the book,
In the archbishop onion patch's hands
And looking at the, it is a pure relic.
It was the book of saint
citrina the amethar's sister.
It was held here in the
great cathedral of comida,
In the concord that she helped found,
Looking at the book,
You feel its connection to the bulb.
You reach out
And,
You can get one of these on this turn,
One of these on your next turn.
Do you want to know
something about the bulb
Or do you want to know something about,
The relationship the bulb has with people?
Something intrinsic about it
Or something about the people.
- I guess the how it relates to people.
- Okay.
You look in that moment.
See the relic, see the magic
that the pontifex is wielding.
You see that she has magic as well.
You know with unshakable certainty that,
The bulb is not a different kind of entity
Than the sugar-Plum
fairy, you know that she
Is a warlock like you,
The pontifex,
And that the bulb is her patron.
And that the difference between a cleric
And a warlock is nothing.
You understand it
fundamentally in this moment,
Whether people call themselves warlocks
Or clerics is a matter of a style,
Some types of abilities
And fundamentally the same relationship.
That's all for free.
You have your action,
bonus action movement
- Can i ask a question out about fly?
- Yep.
- Can i carry anyone with fly
Or is it just myself?
- I will literally look up the
encumbrance rules right now
And see what you can
kind what you can carry.
- You could probably grab preston
And then i could grab liam.
- Preston will find—
- Preston can find us,
- On his turn.
These people are,
We're getting shot for
like 30 damage a turn,
Liam may last until next turn.
- Or is everyone gonna last til next turn?
Or?
- I got a crit on it, did half my damage.
- Yeah, i'm already—
- Everybody on the ground needs to
Get the f*ck out of there.
- I'm at six points.
- That is true, you
guys do need to get out.
- We all need to get—
- Guys come join me on the balcony.
- I'm gonna join everybody
through the window.
- You could carry the princesses.
You could not carry theo or amethar.
- Can i carry liam?
- If he drops the pack, yeah.
If he drops the giant
backpack he's carrying.
- Liam, that backpack?
- Just a bunch of flowers in here!
- Flowers.
I will step forward,
And,
Cast fly,
On theo.
- Okay.
- All right, i can, if i
gave you the ability to fly,
You could probably, your
- Theo is touched.
Thank you chancellor.
- And then how much
health does everyone have?
- I have 28.
- I'm at 35.
- I do have a second one.
- Six.
- Six?
- I'm totally fine.
- So lapin is going to
step forward cast fly on
Theobald
And then walk over and stand in front
Of liam,
Get in the way of him and the paladin
And as a bonus action,
heal liam for two d6,
- Yeah.
- For four.
- Hell, yes.
- I misjudged you, chancellor.
- Oh shut up.
- Wow.
- I actually will need two
constitution saving throws,
Each dc 10 from liam to
hold onto hunter's marks.
You just got to get to, give me
two constitution saving throws,
To hold onto hunter's mark.
- One, went through.
Dc 10?
- Add your constitution saving throw.
Plus what?
Plus four, both passed,
you held onto the spell.
Great, so that's lapin.
You heal liam, you cast fly on theobald,
Are you doing anything to
disguise your spell casting?
- No.
- Yeah, cool, you do your f*cking magic.
- I thought i kicked your a*s earlier.
- Hell, yes.
- It's done, right?
It's done.
- It's done.
- Ruby, that's you.
- Okay.
Are there windows up here?
- Yup, there're windows up here.
- No, up here?
- There are no windows here.
This is solid, windows
are only here and here.
And then on the back.
- Oh god!
I'd like to use my
cunning action disengage
To get onto the stage.
- Okay.
- Which is 35 movement.
- So it's gonna be, so you're here,
So it's gonna be five, 10, 15, 20.
- And then up onto the altar.
- 25, give me an acrobatics
dc 15, to ignore the level.
- Yeah.
- Cool, great.
So that's gonna be, add
to 15, you get up there,
That's 25 feet of movement,
you're right there.
- And then i would like to sh**t at
The
Pontifex.
- Yeah.
- Go for it.
- For my sister,
- f*ck her up.
- That is a 24.
- 24 hits.
- And i'd like to use my
grasping arrow ability.
- Absolutely.
- So, because,
This is so many d6.
So, it's one d6 from the-
And then two d6 from the grasping arrow,
And then three d6 from sneak attack.
- Jesus.
- I would love to borrow some d6.
- Thank you so much my sister,
- Of course, my sister.
- Okay.
Six.
- Wow.
- Jesus.
- Yeah!
Oh my god, did we do the
same amount of damage?
- I think we did.
- You're within two points of each other.
- And that's,
So that's to the, it's poison damage
And, so i reduce, speed
is reduced by 10 feet
And takes two d6 slashing damage,
The first time on each turn
That she moves one foot or
more without teleporting.
I also say,
"try and bend this magic."
- Screaming green sugary arrow,
Flashes across the cathedral,
slams trough the pontifex,
And a green syrup surrounds.
Does she make any saving
throws against that?
No, right?
- No.
- Not at all.
- No, you can't save sh*t.
- Incredible, that's going to be.
Theo that's you.
- Oh my god.
So it was a while ago, but you,
King amethar told me to run,
I look up at him.
And is this your command?
- Take my daughters and leave this place.
- I'm going to, what is
my movement with fly?
- 60 feet,
- 60 feet, damn, sweet.
- Get her.
- First thing i'm gonna do is
How far is the ledge up here?
- The ledge is,
The ledge is about 45 feet away from you.
- Sweet.
Okay, i'm gonna have
sprinkle dink down to me.
- Okay dinks.
- And so sprinkle gets
down to me, gonna run,
I'm gonna scoop liam.
- Okay.
- And he used my movement to fly up here.
- Yes and fly gives you
a speed of 60, correct?
- Yes.
- Okay, so you're going to go,
- Can i grab preston too?
- Yes, i will say that you
can grab preston as well
- Preston under one arm,
liam, under the other one.
- Well you go yeah-
So you're here, you go, five.
You go ahead, i'm just
gonna ask for a dc 10,
Dc five athletics check to
grab each of these guys.
- Okay, can sprinkle help me?
- If this is what you want
Sprinkle's help action to be, "yes."
- Okay, i'll just do it without sprinkle.
I got a 10.
- Cool.
- Thank god.
- Don't make faces like that.
- Five, so ten.
Liam your strength is crazy,
But you're also wearing very heavy armor.
So just give me,
An athletics check 10 to get liam as well.
- That was f*cking dramatic.
- Oh my god.
- Murph i cannot see the dice.
- So it truly was like two, one, three.
- 10, okay, so that's 10
And then you're going to go,
- Fly to the ledge.
- And that is exactly 50, so it just all,
That, so that's your movement
to just get right up here.
You've got liam—
- I guess liam,
- So people watch an armored gummy bear
Fly up to the balcony,
- Giving the finger to everyone,
Long live the sweetening path.
- Yeah.
- And then,
- I have a book about that!
- I'm going to use bonus
action, second wind.
- Can you still attack too?
- I, yeah, oh my god, terrible, okay.
I get back, just five,
Then i'm going to use a dash action
To fly back down to ruby.
- Okay.
This guy's going to get a swing on you,
Just as an attack of opportunity.
- That's fine.
- He rolls a natural one,
Embarrasses himself, shits himself.
- Flies.
- And you fly back down,
Where do you want to be next to ruby?
- I want to like scoop her and fly,
I'm gonna use action
surge to fly her back.
- Oh sh*t, okay.
So you're taking, you pick them up moved,
And now you're taking a dash
action using your action.
So that gets you 30 feet.
You—
- So that's one
Just round and then i get action surge.
- Yes.
- So that i can go again.
- Actually from where
you are, you can drop,
Wait a minute minute,
It's only 30 feet to
ruby and 30 feet back.
- Sweet, so i'll just use dash.
- So you use dash.
- Sweet.
- So you've just used a movement in dash
And you haven't used
your action surge yet.
Just again, give me a dc five athletics.
Just don't roll a one.
- One, can i use sprinkle?
- Action surge.
- Can you, sprinkle, can
give you the help ac-
Actually that nat one, is a nat one.
- All right.
- I'm going to say,
That you can use your action surge
To get ruby back up there.
- All right, i'll use action surge.
- Give me another roll.
- This time i'm gonna use sprinkle.
I'm not f*cking around this time.
Okay.
- Yeah, there, those numbers are
- 29.
- Can you still attack now?
- No, i don't—
- No you cannot attack now
But theobald
- Everyone's safe.
- In a,
- Except for daddy.
- You guys hear a reverberating,
As a flying gummy knight
Literally makes a tornado
of saving children.
Just a,
Grabs liam,
Grabs ruby in a swirl.
The pages of the books,
the candles are put out,
Pages rip and fly everywhere,
As the cathedral is smelled with the
Comforting, warm, artificial
Saccharine smells of gummy candy.
- This is why i would have
nominated you for emperor.
- Appreciate it, i think
we're off the table.
I'm actually, as an action search i get,
Do i get one more bonus action?
- You only get one bonus
action if you action surge.
- Got it, okay.
Sorry to use it to—
- Do second wind.
- Got it, cool.
- Okay.
- Can i get
us up against the window?
Like i might—
- No that's literally is using—
- Literally i can get up to the window?
- Actually no, cause you
action surged to move, right?
- Yeah.
- You can get up against the window, yeah.
- Yeah, i'd like to bring ruby back there
And get everybody to—
- I know, it's fine, he can fly.
- Okay.
- I would think i'd moved
them back if possible.
- I think that was—
- All right,
I'll stay up front then,
I don't want liam to take all the shots.
- Oh, are you gonna be right here?
- Yeah, just put me in front.
- Okay.
- I smile up at theobald.
- Okay.
- Sprinkle, get up there, dude.
Get out of there.
Sprinkle, run!
- The pontifex casts a spell.
She just closes her hand in silent prayer
And prays as king amethar looms over her.
That's going to be,
That's the pontifex's turn.
- What does she do?
- One, this guy is gonna go,
Here, two.
This guy is gonna jump up here.
Three,
And four.
Okay, that's going to now be some attacks,
With disadvantage on amethar,
From all the knights surrounding him.
Okay, one of these knights hits you for,
Nine points of damage halved to four.
And i'm gonna need you to
make a strength saving throw,
You will make this with advantage.
Sorry, a dex saving throw,
You will also make this with advantage.
- That's gonna be, eight.
- Your speed is reduced to zero.
And the pontifex is going
to move out of the box,
Five,
- Takes two d6 damage.
- Yeah, takes,
Go ahead and roll two d6,
- That's a 10.
- Nice roll.
It's going to go,
- Your speed is reduced to zero?
- Five, that's 15,
- And she has 10, minus 10 speed.
She can only 20.
- 20 is right.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Minus 10 from what her normal is.
- So she makes it right there,
Amethar, you do get attack of opportunity,
But i will need you to
make a wisdom saving throw,
Before you can take it.
- That's gonna be 18.
- She swings past you
down the stairs going,
"the bulb protect me, bulb protect me."
And you can feel the light
growing in the church,
But it is not a powerful enough light
To stop you from taking a
swing if you would like.
- Great,
I would love to,
That's gonna be 18.
- 18, exactly hits.
- That's two d6.
Plus 9.
That's gonna be a,
- Great, that's the pontifex,
The knights have all gone as well.
Cool.
My brave tarts.
- We are so solemn, and
it's just gonna cut to them
And their insane faces.
- Slowly getting,
- Tickle them with all your heart
- I don't think they all,
Have all have their blunt swords today.
- Bards will sing of how
you tickled, this day.
- You shall be dancing
With the sugar-Plum fairy tonight.
- Hold on one second,
Let me just, i'm going to expedite this.
I'm not gonna roll their damage,
I'm just gonna average it.
Constano steps forward,
Look of grim determination on his face.
Spears through the first
tartguard through the chest,
Drops him,
- Winsey!
- We're gonna do six attacks here.
Okay,
It's two that hit.
Falls,
Falls, and then right here, hold on a sec,
Falls, as pilums start
to move through them.
Five of the tartguard fall,
They're gonna take the rest of
their movement up the center.
It's 10 move to here,
As men will start to step over,
The bodies of these tartguard here.
That is going to be,
Back to top of the order,
Jet, that's you.
- Okay, i would like to
jump up on the banister,
Behind this guy that i'm already near.
And from there i'd like to attack him.
- This guy right here?
- Yeah, so i'd just like to jump up
On the banister right behind you.
- Trying to get advantage, that's—
- I'm actually not
trying to get advantage,
But if i can get
advantage, that'd be cool.
- Give me a dc 20 acrobatics.
If you fail, if you
don't manage to get a 10,
You're going to fall,
this is the mid-Railing,
- Please don't die.
- If i don't manage to
get a 10 that's fine.
- Cool, so you don't,
You don't get the 20
to just land up there,
But you like, you don't
plummet off the edge,
So you're still standing
here next to him on the—
- Still standing next to him?
f*ck, are there windows on this side?
- On the side here?
Yes, there are,
- There are?
- Right here on
this level, there are windows.
- Okay, then, okay,
You, amethar, you still have zero speed,
Is that correct?
- I don't have—
- Don't worry about it.
I'll grab them.
- Does amethar have zero speed?
- Amethar will have his
speed returned to him,
At the beginning of his turn.
- Okay, he don't, so he
can't use speed right now.
Okay, then i'm gonna, let this,
I'm going to run past this
person and attack this guy.
The one who is right over there.
- This guy right here?
- Yes.
- Cool.
- I would like to go and attack him.
- You do not trigger any
attacks of opportunity.
You go right here and you can attack him.
- Yes, okay.
- Go for it.
- Please hit.
Does a f*cking 12 hit?
- 12 hits.
- Yes, oh, f*ck yes.
I'm gonna do,
- These are just guys
in robes, they're not-
- I'm gonna do a superiority attack to-
And i'm gonna do pushing attack,
And i'm gonna push him through the window.
It pushes him 15 feet from me.
- You can break the
glass normally with that,
As i said before, i want to
be really clear with this,
'cause this is life or death.
- Yeah.
- Breaking these stone barriers
Is a near impossible feat of strength.
Nobody's body is small
enough to move through that
Unless these cross beams are broken.
So you can't push—
- That's what i'm trying,
i just figured his body
Would maybe cause more damage
than if i just attacked it.
- With a pushing attack,
I will say that's like athletics.
So it is a,
The problem is that it's
not just a pure strength.
It's, you need to deal damage.
I'll actually,
Just 'cause i want this to
be as clear as possible.
There is a damage threshold
on the stone crossbeams.
You need to do a minimum of 20 damage,
In a single hit to even damage the stone.
Anything less than that
and the stone is undamaged.
Now, i will say this is a very cool move.
I will let you push him
And try to get him through the window
And at least break the glass.
If you hit in that a nat
I'll let you, break the stone.
- Okay.
- All right, if you, unless
you wanna change your plan,
But if you hit a natural, otherwise,
It's just the attack.
You could also push him off the balcony
With that pushing attack.
- I know, i just thought maybe
I would k*ll two birds with one.
- You can break the window.
- Breaking the stone is
not an easily done thing.
It is actually a dramatically
impossible thing.
There is a lot that has to go
right for the stone to break.
over the course of a round,
In a single attack to even
do one point of damage.
- f*ck.
- All right, f*ck,
I'll push him off the balcony.
- Okay, go ahead and roll your damage.
Does he make a save or anything?
- Yeah, he has to make a 15.
I only hit him, oh my
god, i rolled so bad.
I only hit him for 10.
- You hit him for 10,
And he takes eight more on the way down.
- Bye b*tch.
- Hits the bottom here, bam.
He takes 18,
Points of damage that round
as your rapier moves out
And sends him toppling like
the point at his neck sent him
Back over the railing.
You hear him thud it into the ground.
That is going to be, that's
jet, that's your action.
Any bonus actions, anything else?
- A bonus action.
Yeah, i don't think i
have any bonus actions
I can do right now.
- No worries.
- Yeah.
- Amethar that's you.
- Can i leap from the pulpit
over the gentlemen below
To tackle the pontifex?
- If you get to the pontifex,
You will have the potential
For two of these guys to use
their reactions to hit you.
- While i'm jumping?
- While you're jumping, yes.
- Okay, that's fine.
- Okay.
One of them hits, four, five
points of damage halved to two,
I'm going to need a strength saving throw.
Sorry, dexterity saving throw.
- That's gonna be 18.
- Great, you take damage sail over here,
And you can tackle the pontifex.
- I'd like to grapple her.
- Excellent, i'll go ahead
and make an opposed athletics.
- Do i do this the advantage?
- Athletics?
- Yes, i'm gonna say,
right now you need a 20.
- I got a 17 plus eight.
- Incredible, okay.
You use one attack to grapple the,
She is grappled.
- Great.
I hold her and i look at deeproot
And then to,
This guy and then up to the archers
And i scream out,
"i have your leader.
"will you not defend her?"
- Yeah, go ahead and give
me an intimidate check.
- Damn,
Nine.
- They can hear your panic.
- Great,
Then i'll reckless attack her.
- Yeah,
- Go ahead and take your attack.
- That's gonna be plus over 20.
- That hits.
- And that's with advantage?
- That's,
- That's just me, it's the same stuff.
- Didn't she hurt you last attack?
- No she—
- Did a spell?
- Five plus nine, 14.
- Jesus, the pontifex is
covered in green blood,
Screaming for her life.
It looks just about as
bad as it can be for her.
That's going to be,
- All the rocks family's
gotten a shot in at her.
Yeah pops!
- Get outta here.
- Not without you.
- That's amethar, you take
your attack, your movement.
Any bonus actions?
- I'll slam the ground.
- The holy scriptures erupt into flame.
And all those knights take two damage.
- Three damage now.
- Oh, three damage.
- Including her
- And the pontifex.
- And the pontifex, incredible.
That's going to be,
These guys since,
- Can they all see on that?
Can they see the back?
Hm?
- These guys are going to turn towards,
Amethar, one, two, three, four
Five, six, seven.
- Wait, so if that guy's
turning away from me,
Do i got like an attack of opportunity?
- Nope.
- Because i feel like i should.
Seems like narratively what would happen.
- Narratively, they all die, right?
- I feel like that's like
my character would do that.
- And you like kick the back
of his knees and he like-
- Oh, we got f*cking lapin down there too.
- Yeah exactly.
- Don't worry,
- Lapin's always got
a trick up his sleeve.
Okay,
that's gonna be five hits.
- f*ck.
- Hold on,
One, two, three,
Four, five, six.
One,
Two,
Three.
- f*ck, i don't like the way that sounds.
- That sounds like a
f*cking box of tictacs.
- It was two hands full.
- Yeah.
- Nine, 14, 17, 23,
Plus 10 is 63,
Halved to 31 points of damage.
- Great.
- Oh, my pops is strong.
- 23.
- Onions gonna go,
Two, three
Six,
He's going to wrap.
He's gonna make an athletics check.
Wraps his arms around the pontifex.
And is gonna make, you're
still grappling her,
- Right.
- So he's going to make an opposed,
- Against me,
- Check with you.
You've got to beat a 17.
- You have advantage on strength checks.
- And he just rolled advantage.
- I do, i,
Is
Not plus two, no,
You have just 16, i think.
- This scrawny priest,
As you let go of her to,
Actually your grapple actually
automatically ends anyway,
I realize as you take an attack,
So he grabs her and is gonna take,
Action to dash and carry her
Five, 10, 15, 20, and moves her over here.
- Do i get an attack on her?
- No.
You don't get an attack on
her because she's being moved.
She's not moving on her own volition.
That's going to be liam, that's you.
- Can i use my coordinated attack with
Preston to try to hit the dc
That you have for the windows together?
- Can you use preston to help?
- You all can fit through
the windows, right?
- No, i have to explain this again.
Nobody can fit through the windows,
Unless the stone is broken.
- And the stone is broken, as a d,
You have to deal 20 at least 20 damage.
- In a single attack.
- So i'm saying with
coordinated attack with me
And preston attacking,
- They're separate attacks, it's, yeah.
- What is the roof made of?
Is that even—
- Stone.
- So all of it's stone?
- All is stone.
The weakest points of stone,
Are these crossbars in the windows.
So it's either hitting a
nat 20 on an athletics check
Or it's finding a way to
deal 20 points of damage
In a single attack.
- Okay.
- Okay, preston is going to attack first.
- Sprinkle.
- Actually, you know what?
Me and preston are gonna
run up to the window,
He's going to use the help action,
I'm going to try to hit a nat 20
- Let's get the box of doom out.
- Yes, do it.
- Oh, yes.
All right preston.
f*ck.
- Two sixteens.
- Okay,
- So that's preston taking
the help action for you
To try to break one of these windows.
Which of these windows
are you trying to break?
- The one over there by jet.
- Okay, this one, right
up, this one right here?
Or?
- Just on the side, yeah.
- On the side, cool.
Awesome, you rush over here,
with preston there to help you.
- Cool.
- Keradin,
Is going to,
Unleash on lapin.
Lapin at, you take,
Nine, 18 damage from the first attack.
Five, nine,
And then from the last one, you take
Six, 14, 19 points of
damage from the last one.
- f*ck.
- On the last stroke.
- Wait,
Yeah,
To 51.
I had 50, and he hit me for 51.
- f*ck.
- He goes, "false prophet.
How could you betray the bulb?"
You spit in his eye.
Boom, boom, boom.
And this mace lowers you to the floor.
- No.
- That's gonna be tartguard.
That's a hit.
Reaches out for four, fly is done.
- Oh.
- Fly is done.
- Theo's no longer.
- That's right.
Fly's done.
- I have an idea.
Lady plumbeline is going to,
Five, 10,
Leap here.
Go for amethar.
That's a hit.
- You're gonna make my,
Clinton's hit list.
- Great.
- 17, plus—
- Number one, jeffrey epstein.
- 19, halved to nine points
of damage, for amethar.
- 18, 17.
- That is lady plumbeline who rushes up
And slashes at you again.
Lapin, i'm going to need
a death saving throw.
- Does lapin see the sugar-Plum fairy
Or anything interesting.
And do i, do, what i, in this state?
Hear the rest of about that book?
- As you slip into unconsciousness,
You discovered that though people
Can form a relationship with the bulb,
In the same way and get magic
from it in the same way,
Unlike the sugar-Plum fairy,
You discern the true nature of the bulb
And its presence as a
spiritual entity in calorum.
The bulb is mindless.
It does not possess any intellect,
Intelligence, sapience or awareness.
It merely is
And the people that are
capable of accessing it,
May access it for whatever ends they wish.
Death saving throw.
- Come on.
Two.
- That is a failure.
Ruby, that's you.
- Okay, let me know if
you'll let me do this.
So what i would like to
do is get out my rope.
I'd like to give one
end of the rope to theo
And then use my mage
hand, as a bonus action
To send the other end to dad, to my pops.
And then i would like to
cast fog cloud where pops is,
- Mage hand and fog cloud are—
- Mage hand is a cantrip
And it's a bonus action because
i am an arcane trickster.
- Very well.
You had one end of your rope,
it's a free object interaction
And you hand your rope to theobald
Your mage hand is no longer is a spectral,
Is no longer a force you can see.
In the reflections of all of the
Shining metal relics on the dais,
You see what your mage hand has become.
The hand that moves is
not one of your two hands,
But in the reflections you see
The spirit of your aunt
reaching out with her hand
And she brings the rope
to her brother, amethar,
Through the air.
- And then i cast fog cloud,
So it's a 20 foot radius around him
And none of those people
can get opportunity attacks
Against him, but because he has the rope,
He knows you just go in that.
- Right here, fog cloud?
- Yeah, like a 20 foot,
However many, yeah, great.
- That's 20 foot radius.
- So just right.
Or you want you guys out of it or in it?
- I want,
Us out of it, but maybe this archer,
That's by jet, if that guy can be in it,
- Yeah, you can clock him on.
- Will this give me this
advantage to attack him though?
- You will still be able to see
cause he's within five feet.
- And then i'd like to,
Call yak, "yak to me."
And then, do you have sprinkle with you?
- Yeah.
- Okay, great.
So i'll keep yak with me for now.
I just wanna make sure that
you have advantage on any
- Athletics checks.
- Yeah.
- Fog cloud.
Fog cloud is concentration, correct?
- Fog cloud is concentration.
- Okay, the next to act, that's ruby,
That's your action theo, that's you.
- Sweet.
Okay, i have this rope.
Amethar has the other side of it.
I guess,
Could i, is this bullshit
if i try to take the rope,
And yank amethar
While trying to run out the window?
- I will allow if you want
him to use his reaction,
I will allow you to
roll an athletics check
With disadvantage, to try to grab the rope
That is like a sudden,
You're just like in the middle of a rage
And just seeing a rope
suddenly move there.
But because you rolled with advantage,
It will just be a straight roll.
We'll call it a, dc 15 athletics check.
- f*ck.
- 10.
- f*ck.
- The rope lands, you know
where the rope is on the ground,
But you're going to not be able
to grab it until your turn.
You can delay your turn if you wish.
- I still have the rope.
I want, can i essentially use my movements
And action to bus, try to bust the window?
But still be prepared,
Like she'll be prepared.
- Still be prepared to.
- I'm like, i'm still
holding onto the rope,
But i just want to like
take the rope and run
And try to just shoulder ram the window.
- All right.
- I assume sprinkle's—
- Sprinkles will help.
- Okay,
Go ahead, give me the roll,
You're trying to hit
you, a nat 20 on this.
- You got this murph.
- You got this.
- Come on dude.
- You got this,
- No.
- Nope.
There you go, you still got the rope.
You hit right here.
Okay.
That's your action theo.
- I think
Lapin is probably f*cked,
But i don't want,
My main rabbit to get taken out
Like a punk by the stupid carrot.
- Don't.
- So i'm going to bonus
action compelled duel keradin,
Just so he doesn't get like
stabbed off the ground.
- Oh, yeah.
- Gonna attack a rabbit on
the ground, you stupid carrot?
You mindless fool.
- Okay, first of all, we got
to get the range on that.
This is the battle that i gotta
be a stickler for everything.
What is the range on compelled duel?
- I don't know, i just,
It's a part of my,
- Your sword,
- My of the broadsicle,
So it just says "may cast
compelled duel once per long rest.
- Range is 30 feet.
- Wow, okay, so i can't see him.
- Let me see here, this is 30.
No, he's almost twice as far away.
- Okay, well i just talk sh*t to him.
And then, that, i can't see anybody
Cause there's the fog cloud down there,
So i can't compelled
duel anybody down there.
Okay, i'm gonna save my compelled duel,
In case things get even worse.
I don't know how that's
possible, but they might.
That's my turn.
- The,
Pontifex is going to go,
She is going to,
- You're the only ones that can
Do more than 20 damage in one attack.
- I can't without sneak attack
And i'm definitely concerned,
I'm hoping, i'll let you know,
- You can't sneak attack on a window.
- Yeah.
- You can if you get advantage.
- I can't get advantage,
i never had advantage.
- Sprinkle can.
- The pontifex, casts a spell on herself,
Healing herself of most of her injuries.
And as a,
Bonus action, she'll do that again.
And continues to actually move,
Two, three, four, five, six, seven,
She's gonna go here.
That's going to be the knights that
Are all going to take
swings with disadvantage
Through the fog,
It's a miss.
That's a miss.
That's a miss for sure.
- Zac, how many times have you gone?
- Twice.
- No maybe i've gone once.
I've only gone once.
'cause he k*lled me right before my turn.
- One of these dudes hits you for,
- Sorry. I feel bad and
honesty is the best policy.
I reckless attacked the pontifex,
So disadvantage attacks.
- You did reckless attack.
- You should have advantage—
- And they should all cancel out.
I'm going to re-Roll these attacks.
Thank you.
- You're a good man.
I'm gonna miss you so much.
- Stop, i'm not leaving without him.
- I really, i think
the max i can do is 16.
- I don't have to—
- Nine halved to four
And
- I can get—
- 10 halved to five.
- So a total of nine?
- A total of nine.
- I cannot do math right now. 8
- One, two, three, four, five, six,
She moves onto dais.
These guys move here, here,
g*dd*mn it.
The rest of the tartguard fall.
- You did a good job.
- You did a great job.
I'm proud of you, tartguard.
- Because they were not engaged in combat.
One ceresian soldier ends his turn
Within five feet of lapin
And is going to take an
attack on the prone lapin.
- So it's an automatic hit, right?
- It is not an automatic hit,
But he's just got advantage.
- Advantage.
And if he hits, he crits.
- 14 is my armor class
- God.
- You have one failure already, correct?
- Yeah.
- He rolled a one and two.
- You're f*cking kidding me.
- Oh my god.
- My brain just shot out
of the back of my head.
I literally lost thoughts.
You smiled, then i was like,
"you f*cking piece of sh*t."
You're smiling as you're k*lling him
- I couldn't even look at you,
It's oh my god.
- My brain is crazy, my
brain hurts right now.
Ooh, ow.
- I'm not gonna sleep tonight.
- It's 03:00 a.M. In a
warehouse in hollywood,
- And we have to go home—
- Save us, come save us.
- I mean, lapin this is a,
We may be back here very soon.
That is going to be back
to the top initiative.
That's jet.
- Okay.
I am going to attack this
archer in front of me.
- Okay.
- Please hit.
I hit him and i'm going
to use a superiority die,
To use a maneuvering attack
And i'm going to choose
a friendly creature
Who can see or hear me
And he can use its reaction
to move half its speed,
Without provoking opportunity attacks.
And i'm going to shout to
my dad and say, "climb."
- He can't see, oh, see,
- Hear.
- See or hear you.
Okay, hold on one second.
Let me look at maneuvering
attack really quickly.
- f*ck.
- This sh*t is stupid.
- The amount, looking at those regions.
That's so wild, just see.
- And i have a rope that
Is down here,
- He hasn't, yeah.
- He can climb up.
- When you hit a creature
with a weapon attack,
You can expend one.
Yup so you expend one superiority die,
You just have to hit him.
- I did, i just did.
- Oh, awesome, go ahead and roll damage.
- Okay.
The damage is, 17 but
much more importantly,
I tell, it's a 17 to this archer.
And then, i say, "dad, climb."
- I'm going to say a bad news thing
And then i'm going to provide
an immediate fix for it.
Which is that, technically amethar has
Already used his reaction
And so he cannot use the reaction-
Can use its reaction to move.
However, i will remind you that
Amethar goes immediately
after you initiative.
So all you have to do is just wait,
For amethar to begin his turn,
To be able to do this,
You literally act on the same initiative.
Just a little rule keeping for myself.
This game is hard.
So go ahead and roll
damage for the archer.
- Yeah, well, but the
important thing is now,
He at least won't get,
i already did it was 17,
- 17, awesome.
- But he also won't get
opportunity attacks.
So he can basically get like
a free disengage and stuff.
- He will still—
- At the begin, incredible,
- Unless i get,
- At the beginning of amethar's turn
You have a free 15 feet of movement.
Sorry, halved movement,
You have 20 feet of free
movement with disengage.
- Great, so i'd like to use as much like,
Can i use the rope and
start to pull myself up?
- Yes, you can, go ahead
And just give me a dc 15 athletics check.
- Done, cool.
All right, 18 plus eight.
- Oh!
- Okay, you're going up the rope.
- Great.
- Cool.
- And then i'd like to immediately charge,
The window that theobald was working on
And recklessly attack him.
- Yeah, yeah!
- I will also remind you this thing needs,
Sneak attack will not work.
However, the great weapon master ability,
Of adding those d6 will work against this.
- Then yeah, i'll both reckless attack
And take the minus five to do two more d6
- Okay, go ahead, first of
all, and recklessly attack.
Go ahead and roll.
You're trying to hit ac 17,
- That definitely,
- Okay, we're going to talk
about these windows right now.
They have 30 hit points.
You need to do a minimum 20 damage.
You're about to deal
four d6 plus nine damage,
Which means that you need to get at least,
I'm gonna get the box of doom,
We're gonna roll damage in a box of doom.
You need to get at least 11
points to damage this window.
You do not roll 11,
Your first attack,
Is, your payment day thuds into the stone,
- You have great weapon master?
- I do but we changed it
from flat 10 to two d6,
- A great weapon master,
Great weapon fighting
is a fighter ability.
Here comes the second reckless attack.
- Again—
- Okay, you need to roll at
least an 11, as we discussed.
- Come on.
- Five, four, 12, 13 points of damage
Plus nine is 22,
Incredible.
Your father leaps onto the balcony,
In the midst of rage.
Great.
This is incredibly badly,
Kept together, this thing is like
The stone is badly weakened, but again,
Even weakened it still has
that 20 damage threshold.
So that's now going to be that's jet.
That is jet and amethar.
The priests are going to
go, this guy is going to
Bonus action disengage.
- Actually he can't disengage from me,
I don't think cause i have sentinel.
So i get to attack him.
- Go for it.
- Okay, that's gonna hit.
And then let me see, so that'll be
I'm gonna hit him for 15.
- He's dead.
He goes to step away
from you and your rapier-
Flashes out as your dad is
hewing at the cathedral wall
Through the head, this
priest falls to the ground.
That's going to be,
That's him.
These two are going to wheel around.
And this guy is going to step here.
That's a miss both times
And that's a miss as well.
These guys are going to take shots,
- Can they?
- There's fog too.
- There's fog.
- There's fog right there.
These guys, yeah, none of
them can take shots here.
These guys are both going
to jump down the hatches.
And they, can't take
shots at f*cking anybody.
This guy's going to stand up.
Move one,
He's going to move back here.
He's going to take a shot
at liam with disadvantage.
That is a hit,
Liam, you take three points of damage.
That's going to now be liam, that is you.
- Okay, i am going to,
Come by amethar's side at this window.
So from over in that
little wing, if you could,
Move me over here.
- Yeah, makes sense.
- You're gonna
go next to amethar?
Okay, cool.
- And try to hit this window.
- Is preston there with you?
- I am going to send preston
And i'm going to say, "go to lapin."
And preston is going to fly to you
And curl up in a ball under you
And give you advantage on your next roll.
Preston's gonna take the help action,
And then this my friends
is going to be the nat 20
That breaks the window.
- Yes, it is.
- One dice.
- I believe
- I am feeling lucky.
- That's a 14.
- Ay.
- That's next to the 20.
- Is it?
- Now i need to know.
- Oh it is.
- We were close.
- It's too sweet.
- There's a little pig next to you.
- Yes, exactly.
- Okay,
Preston, prostrate over,
Carried up over lapin's body.
Keradin is going to rain
blows down on top of
Peppermint preston.
- It's his turn?
- Is he attacking peppermint preston?
- You took your action to
try to break the window.
Preston flew down to protect lapin,
Keradin is going to go for preston.
- Okay, he's up.
- What a f*cking heel,
- What an—
- That pig is cute and you're hitting it.
- That's a hit.
- Armor class 16.
- Yeah, that's a miss.
That's a hit.
So that's going to be,
- Here we go.
- How many points does preston have?
- 26.
- He takes 11,
- Is preston down?
- Preston's dead.
- Preston is down, making
death saving throws.
Down here.
- Lapin is giving me
advantage on those, right?
- That's how it works right?
Was it even the carrot dildo's turn?
- Lapin, it's your turn,
i'm gonna need another,
Death saving throw.
- Can i just pray to the sugar-Plum fairy?
I had another wish.
You're supposed to,
I was supposed to do
a third thing for you.
- f*ck.
- Two again.
- That is a second death
saving throw failure.
- Oh my god.
- Ruby that's your turn.
- It could have been a nat one.
- I don't get sneak attack
against this window?
- Nope.
- Okay, here, how's
this, for some f*ck?
So sword burst,
Is one d6 damage,
But it's a five foot range
and these windows are 15 feet.
So how about i might triple
the amount of damage?
I'm so sorry.
I'm trying to keep my straight face.
Okay, i'm going to sh**t,
i think with advantage.
If i do melf's acid arrow,
Which i get once a day with my bow,
Is that on top of my regular damage
Or is that separate
from my regular damage?
- Sorry, you do melf's acid arrow, sorry?
- Is this on top of my
regular arrow damage?
- No separate.
- So i have to crit, okay.
I do not,
And is manta ray
Jack,
Within 30 feet of us below us?
- Yeah.
- I would like to use as a bonus action,
My mage hand with my thieves
tools to unlock his shackles.
- Go ahead and give me a thieves'
tool check with advantage.
- Great.
- I rolled two nat ones.
- Oh my god.
I dropped my thieves tools.
- f*ck this game,
- Jesus f*cking christ.
- You can have mine.
Oh my god, he's even more
manacled than before.
- Mage hand is just
tightening his shackles
- There's a 1 in 400 chance
And i rolled two nat ones.
- g*dd*mn.
- Theo, that's you my dude.
- This f*cking game.
- Okay.
I think there's no way with an attack
That i can do 20 damage.
So i just gotta keep trying to bash it—
- Without my sneak attack, and if i hit,
I have a sliver of a chance.
- If you crit,
- You can't do sneak
attack against the window.
- I know, i can't, but if i
add one of my superiority die—
- Can, i have two attacks.
Can i like shoulder ram
it twice with athletics?
Or just once?
- You do twice.
- Okay, i'll do it twice,
- Gotta hit-
- After one i get
Advantage on and one i won't,
Cause sprinkle can only help me with that.
- And i'll with how weak it
is let's call it a 19 or 20.
- Okay.
- Come on, my husband
- f*ck, i got an 18.
- All right.
- I got one more.
- 19!
- Amethar, the weakened stone,
You take your sword back.
The exact number
That was created by amethar,
hewing into the stone.
Theo, you, step back, leap,
Go through the stone,
And immediately start falling.
- Sweet.
- You take,
- Can i try to grab on,
cause i, i'd love to,
If possible, be able to
like help people out.
- You busted, yeah, give me
a dexterity saving throw,
To not, dc 15 dexterity save to not
Go through the f*cking window.
You're a giant armored bear.
- You have feather fall, right?
- I don't, that was, i wanted to take it,
But i can't take it with that,
- You take seven points of damage.
- Okay. But i just fall out the window?
- You f*cking fall out the window,
Breaking the f*cking glass.
- We're going everyone, we're going.
- Knights begin to rush, the
stairs, the one with the other,
They go for the hatches to
get upstairs to you guys.
Out of the fog.
So the knights are pursuing you.
The infantry begins to spread out,
Around you.
Jet, that is your turn.
- That's my turn.
Okay, i'm going to bonus
action second wind.
Just to get that out of the way.
Okay, so that's going to be extra 12.
And then i think, ruby,
Where you at hit points wise?
- I'm at 28.
- Where you at liam?
- Seven.
- Can i grab liam and take
all the falling damage myself?
- Yeah.
- I'll do that.
- You grab liam.
- Do you have like a rope?
- Oh, you have a rope.
- Oh okay, i set up a rope.
- I'm going to say, it's only
four points of falling damage.
- Okay.
- And that's way more dramatic and cool.
- Okay yeah.
- As you leap with liam out,
You say, you protect liam from the fall.
Liam, i'm gonna say you
actually do take half of that.
You do take two points of damage.
What are you at, right now?
- Five.
- Okay.
As you guys hit the deck,
- I don't have any way
to heal liam, i'm sorry.
- Amethar that's you.
- Do it.
- Get outta here!
- Dad!
Did i, was i supposed to hold my action?
- You don't have to die
to save your daughters,
Grab ruby and jump out the window.
- If you die,
I will only end up getting
myself k*lled to avenge you.
- I'm going to grab ruby and
throw her out the window.
- Cool, that's your action.
You grab ruby, yak follows her.
Ruby, you take,
- Uncanny dodge,
- Seven halved to three points of damage.
Yak flies out after you.
That's your action.
- Can i make a perception check?
- Yes.
- Do they need time to get away?
- You look out behind
you, behind the cathedral.
You, this has only been
a matter of seconds
That this happened,
There are not, this was
not so much of an ambush.
There was a potential
That you would have submitted to arrest.
This alley is not crawling with soldiers,
And there is a wide city out there
In comida to run through.
- I look back at lapin's body.
I think for a second,
And then i jump out the window.
- You take—
- Sprinkle's still in
there, give him advantage!
- You come out of rage for not attacking,
The full eight points of damage.
- I'm down.
- Can i catch him as a reaction?
I have my shield reaction
still and everything.
- You can halve the damage or no,
Yeah, you can take the damage.
- I'll just like, let him crash into my—
- You take eight points of
damage as you catch your king,
Under the window.
- f*ck.
- Liam, you're outside now
you're at five hit points.
- Our healer died,
- The pontifex, walks,
Over here, looks at keradin,
Keradin closes his eyes, prays,
Lifts his mace
And takes just enough time to
give him lapin one last turn.
- Really?
- You have one last death save,
There is only one thing
that can possibly save you
And it's a nat 20,
Which will let you regain one
hit point and take a turn.
- I think i might puke.
- Let me get the box of doom.
And then you could fly if you still
have a spell, i don't know if you do.
- He does, he's only done
one move this whole fight.
- This is the nat 20 right here.
- Come on sugar-Plum fairy..
- Come on.
- I f*cking hate you, but please,
- That's a 13.
- On the ground outside of the cathedral.
You all need desperately
to run as fast as you can.
Lapin bludgeoned and beaten
by sir keradin's mace.
You were unable to cast
spells, but your eyes open,
Blearily for a moment.
As you look up, you see the pontifex
And sir keradin,
Staring down at you.
Pontifex's lips curl.
She says,
"heretic apostate.
Warlock of the sugar-Plum fairy.
You mock that, which
is bright and shining.
Do you have any last words?"
- Can i get insight check just to see,
If she knows the true nature of the bulb?
- Yeah, give me a one with advantage.
- It's only a
- The blood seeps into your eyes.
You can't quite look at her.
She stares at you
And you think,
That this woman,
Doesn't, not only doesn't know
Whether the bulb is real or not,
Or sentient or not.
You also think she doesn't care
And you think that she gets
what she wants from the bulb
And that is power.
"any last words?"
- Knowing that
I just want to say, just
loudly to everyone that
"the bulb cares for no one."
- She whips her head to keradin and says,
"end it."
You hear a voice in your ear.
"they wouldn't have
survived this without you.
My third wish is for you to come home."
In the alley outside,
You watch keradin stand up
And a sickening punch
as chocolate splashes
And covers the front of the church.
With a final twitch lapin is gone.
There is no time to mourn.
You have to move.
- I try to grab everyone,
we need to go now.
- I start running.
- You manage one last
look through the windows
As keradin stands up,
Expressionless and turns to look at you,
Points through the window
And you flee into the streets of comida.
And that's it for this
episode of a crown of candy.
See you guys, next week.
- f*ck man.
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05x06 - Chaos in the Cathedral
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.