- Our intrepid heroes
have found themselves
in Times Square, New Year's Eve.
His shape and form appears
floating in the air.
This place is
filthy.
- f*cking Protestant work ethic.
- Pillars of flame appear,
as well as tornadoes full of refuse.
- Wow, well this is terrifying.
- This thing turns just to look at Sofia.
Sofia, you are dead.
No saves necessary.
- No!
- You have
much scratching me to do.
- m*rder*r's Row right here.
- Alejandro is hit in
the chest, and is gone.
If we were to leave to find
the phylactery on the outside,
it would be too late.
- But does anyone within
this spell know it?
- There is a way for
ones within this spell
to know anything.
- The bagel!
- Welcome back, one and all,
to the final episode
of The Unsleeping City.
As you can see, we come back
right where we left off,
the eye of the hurricane at the ball drop,
New Year's Eve.
Here, with our intrepid heroes,
say hi, intrepid heroes!
- f*ck you, Brennan!
- Hi, intrepid heroes!
- And also, f*ck you, Brennan.
- Hey, it's fine.
I do a lot of work for this game.
- You k*lled my best friend!
- It's a story!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- He lived to the ripe old age, 90, what—
- 94.
- 94.
- The Juul k*lled him, he
died with popcorn lungs.
- You don't even know his age?
- 94!
That's right.
- He never found his
granddaughters, right?
Did he ever find his granddaughters?
- They're probably around.
- That's so bad!
- They're just getting
high on Pete's stash.
- Getting high on Pete's stash somewhere.
- He did tell me
to stay away from him.
- We are going to start the initiative.
Some revelations last time,
Nod just told you about the nature
of breaking the phylactery,
Esther was just saved,
the American Dream looks hurt,
but not nearly on its last legs.
The beginning of our initiative here.
- Oh my God.
- The fire is
coming for Santa, actually—
- Oh, but he's gotta be flame retardant,
he's always going down chimneys!
- Yeah!
- Does he have fire resistance?
- I mean, that would check out.
- Nice!
- The kind of lawyering that—
- I'm gonna need a dexterity,
I'm gonna need a dexterity
from Kugrash and his rats.
- Okay.
All right.
Rats got a 10.
- Okay.
- Kugrash got a 10, or no,
Kugrash got a nine.
- Okay.
- I didn't Bless you?
No, I didn't Bless you.
I Blessed those three.
- Kugrash and his rats
take 15—
- f*ck!
- 25, take 31 points of fire damage.
- I'm out.
- No!
- What?
- Kugrash is down.
- Bye!
- Kug?
Can I pour one out for—
- And Santa
looks injured as well.
- For my Kug.
- So the rats are gone?
- The rats are gone.
- I have rats, I guess I forgot.
- Down here, were these yours?
- There were some rats
on my head or something.
- The rats can't do anything.
- The rats are down here.
- Let's f*ck' face it.
- Let's f*ck' face it!
- I mean, look, it's a free thing to do,
you might as well make 'em if you can.
- Kugrash, I'm gonna need a
death saving throw from you.
- 14.
- Mkay.
- Okay.
- It's over 10, right?
I forget.
- Over 10.
- Thank you.
- But if he does some
kind of spell, that's—
- Santa is actually gonna
leave this area here,
he flies up, and
he flies over here.
He's going to look at Kingston
and Pete, who are both still down there.
He's gonna make an insight check.
Which, do either of you seem to have plans
or intentions of moving anytime soon?
- Yes.
- Pete does?
You see he lays a finger
aside of his nose,
and goes—
- You know it!
Let's blow some snow!
And you are picked up in
a gust of wintry wind,
and you can fly.
- Yo!
Okay, that's great!
That's great.
- So you have Fly active on you now.
- Great, cool.
- Dope.
- But that wasn't you doing drugs, right?
You're still sober?
- No, no, Santa did a bunch of drugs.
- Incredible.
That's going to be Pete.
- I pull out a seven day chip.
f*ck yeah.
All right.
I fly, beeline up to Sofia Lee.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah!
- And I get as close as I can,
how far is that, if I
use just my movement?
- Fly, I believe is
a-buh-buh-bah.
Speed of 60.
So let's see, in a straight
line going for Sofia—
- You just have to get
within 30 feet of her, right?
- Yeah, that's it.
- Boom.
Boom to Sofie.
It's like here, ah!
And...
- All right!
- You can just make it there.
Surrounded by snow and magic,
you see that—
- I Mindlink with Sofia as I'm taking off.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey.
- I say,
Sofie?
- Uh-huh.
- Both the Vox Populi
and the Vox Phantasma
are bestowing on you our blessing
and it's all on you,
here you have Haste.
I cast Haste on Sofie.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, double movement, 2AC extra action,
you now have, yeah.
- I think that Ricky has that as well,
so you can share that card.
Also,
you guys see this incredible,
again dream color, purple, pink, rose,
and then the grimy gold of
the waking world, thwoom!
Yin and yang appear
spectrally in front of Sofia.
Whoom, the Order of the Concrete Fist,
Monastery of the Midnight Sun—
The chosen one.
- Chosen by myself, thank you!
- Sofia, I'll trade you for
your old chosen one card.
- What?
- Go ahead and read that out
loud, if you'd be so kind.
- Okay.
You replenish a ki point each
time you are dealt damage.
If the Vox Phantasma and the Vox Populi
have either cast a spell
on you in the last round,
including having an active concentration,
you gain a bonus to AC equal
to the amount of ki you have left.
That's another five!
- Great!
- Whoom!
- What are you up to, what's your AC?
- My AC is now 26!
- With the plus two from Haste?
- Yeah!
- f*ck.
- Jeez.
- 26 is wild.
- Yeah!
Come at me!
- Unbreakable!
- Incredible.
Pete, that's your turn.
- Phantasma, Populi,
I'm gonna do you proud.
- Can I do just a Wild
Arcana check to see—
- Oh, give me a Wild Magic roll actually.
- Oh yeah.
- Mkay.
- To see if I can tap into the dream world
and have someone convey
to me what we need to know
to stop this spell.
- Yeah, give me an arcana check.
- Cool.
- 23.
- It's what Nod said.
- Interesting.
- But I appreciate the hustle.
- My man's out of risers!
- Nobody else fly!
Yeah, La Gran Gata is actually
all the way up here with,
I'm gonna give her some tacky.
Everybody's in the f*ck' sky!
La Gran Gata's actually here
giving Ricky that extra movement.
Meow!
- Meow!
- Smiling right at his f*ck' head.
Great.
Then we're gonna have
ourselves a little...
Ope!
- Oh!
- Just 'cause it
gives him disadvantage—
- They fall so slowly,
it's kinda nice, actually.
- Yeah!
- Bye, Santa.
- He's okay.
- Turning on a carousel.
- Kingston, are you okay?
- Kingston dissociates fully.
- Yeah, Kingston is just
quietly singing Joni Mitchell
to himself, alone.
As he stares—
- Oh my God, of course
Kingston loves Joni Mitchell.
- Of course, dude.
- Let's lower them a little bit.
- I'm sorry, what
did La Gran Gata do?
- Gave you that extra
move action per turn.
- Gotcha.
And, I mean, did he just
fly up next to me?
- Isn't he a mist around you?
- I think he's imbued—
- Okay, gotcha, gotcha.
- Inside of you.
- He's within you.
- Cool.
There's a lot of you, you're all around.
You're all around there.
We're gonna keep moving on.
And then this one actually
is gonna go as well.
Yeah, we did it.
- My man!
- You guys got that wall now.
- Yep.
And Rowan's over there.
Cool.
That is, I'm gonna need,
actually, Esther and Kingston,
you're next to Willy,
and you got the wall in
between you, you're fine.
- Great.
- Kugrash, I'm gonna need,
I know you're unconscious,
actually, I think you
just automatically fail,
you move 10 spaces.
But you hit the wall.
- Oh!
- Thank you, Esther.
- Wow.
- I'm gonna need a dex save
for these last rats over there.
- Four.
- No!
- We love you!
That's going to be
the American Dream.
I am going to start rolling some attacks.
Let's see here.
- Oh, if he's doing a spell—
- He is not doing a spell.
He is gonna take a swing at Sondheim.
- Does, you're within
five feet of him, right?
- I'm grappling him.
- So you're grappling, yep.
- So, can I hit him?
- Oh, 'cause he's making an attack
on someone within five feet of you?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yes, you can.
You can hit him.
- Yeah!
- All right.
- You can still Smite on this attack too—
- Yeah.
- You're Blessed—
- Oh plus—
- Oh!
- 17 plus eight?
- No, no, plus one, 18.
- Gotcha.
- You, whoo, swing, miss.
You see he turns around,
lays out a fist and, whoo,
hurls Sondheim into the, whoo, tornado.
- Jesus Christ!
- You see Stephen Sondheim
flies into the tornado,
looking out at you and saying,
remember, the show must go on!
And disappears.
- No!
- He'll live on in his work!
- I think he's still alive.
I believe in him.
He's too powerful.
- I believe in you, Sondheim!
And Santa I guess, too!
- You may not believe in
Santa for much longer.
- Oh sh*t.
- He's gonna k*ll Santa?
You're worse than Philadelphia.
- The city or the movie?
- The city, remember,
they threw batteries at—
- Oh yeah, that's right.
Wow.
- It's a 90s reference, y'all.
- Hell yeah.
- Kugrash is all—
- I was born in 2004,
that doesn't make any sense to me.
- You see that Santa as
well is turned around.
The American Dream looks at him,
hits him in the chest
with those same eye beams
that he hit Sofia with.
And Santa—
- Jesus Christ.
- Goes,
toys fly out of his bag.
And you see he says,
someone must remember Christmas!
- I'll keep Christmas in my heart forever!
- I should have been on the good list!
I've made a lot of progress!
- As you say that, the
fly spell disappears
and you begin to fall.
- I'm sorry!
- He was kind of hovering
over this, right?
- He was,
Pete was, yeah, he was
over this one I think.
- Then I was more, I was back where
my girl Em was gonna catch me.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
That's his round.
- Man.
All of my spells have been
so useless in this thing.
- It's not true, you saved my life.
- That's right, I did save your life.
- You see Sondheim disappears,
Santa Claus disappears.
I am going to ask
that,
you see, as these two
huge magical hits happen,
Pete begins to fall, shoo.
The American Dream, injured
but having destroyed
many of your allies,
looks at you, still with this
unmoving, expressionless face,
I am going to need
all of you guys except for—
- I'm out already.
- Kugrash is out.
I'm actually going to
need everybody but Zac
to please adjourn to the green room.
- What the hell is—
- What the f*ck?
- I feel like I'm in trouble.
- The storm continues.
Ricky.
You hear the voice of
the dream in your mind.
It looks to you, and you see its face
flickers for a moment,
and you almost see your father's face
as it shifts and changes,
which, after it left
the door, doesn't seem
like it should be able to do anymore.
You see it looks at you and says,
you are strong,
I recognize the dream in you.
If you lay down your ax,
and let me enter the world,
I can give you everything
you've ever wanted.
And you see visions of a living
and not in danger Esther,
your parents welcoming
grandchildren into the world,
you see all of the
things that could happen
with a happy and safe life.
All of the riches and comfort
that your parents worked so hard,
came to this country to get for you
would be yours.
You don't have to fight your friends.
You don't have to do
anything you don't want to.
I just want to ask if you
will lay down your weapon
and let me pass.
I can make all of these dreams come true.
You see Esther holding a child,
you with a whole home gym.
- You're talking fly machine?
Free bench?
- Free bench, incline,
full rack of weights.
A full rack of weights.
- But that's just my dream, right?
It's not anyone else's dream.
- The angel looks at
you, uncomprehendingly.
- But everyone else should be able to,
there should be the potential
for everyone to have a dream.
- Will you submit
and lay down your weapon?
- No.
- Zac, can you send Emily in here?
- Okay.
- And don't tell anyone what you heard!
- Sure, yeah!
- I think we're all
going one by one, I guess?
- Are we going one by one?
- Are we all
getting told that we—
- I'm going to,
Oh, man, this is wild.
- Okay.
- As you soar through the
air,
time suspends.
The angel's face moves
to regard you, coolly.
- Mm-hmm.
- It flickers for a moment,
and you see Dale's face.
It looks at you and says,
all I want
is to be real,
which is the wish of any dream.
I understand that you
are trying to stop me.
I make you this offer.
And it shows Dale,
standing, alive in New York.
If you would allow me to pass,
I can bring him back.
You do not have to strike your friends.
You do not have
to do anything at all to
harm anyone you care about.
I just ask
that you let me pass.
And this life
that you have wanted,
and you see pure love,
your family, you and Dale in big sweaters
looking at deer in the backyard,
Dale going, look, it's a baby one!
- Oh, see,
the mistake you made was,
sending me to Heaven already,
so I literally just got
back from f*cking him,
so no, I'm still gonna k*ll you.
- Please don't tell any
of the other players
what just happened here,
and if you'd be so kind
as to send Murph in.
Hell yeah.
The tornado spins.
You are unconscious,
covered in burns,
rat fur everywhere.
You've used this power of the crown,
you just Mindlinked with Pete
to learn this crazy thing
about the f*ck' bagel.
And suddenly you, through the
haze of blood in your eyes,
look up and see the angel
looking directly down at you,
and its face flickers for a second,
and you see David.
The angel looks at you and says,
all I want
is to pass.
I wish you no harm.
It is every dream's desire to be real,
to be whole,
to exist.
If you let me pass,
I can offer you this.
You see an image of
what you would look like
as a man in your 50s or 60s,
healthy, with clothes, sleeping in a bed.
You see a healthy David.
You see a Wally that is taken care of.
They are all wealthy.
Wally has a wife, kids.
A good life for the
family that you abandoned.
You do not have to harm your friends.
All that you have to do
is stand aside.
I just wish to exist.
- Am I conscious right now?
- You're conscious enough to understand
the offer being made to you.
- I say,
I used to be
a lot like you.
You're a rat.
- And you see you change its face
into a rat's face for a moment.
I am not a rat.
I am not a rat.
- I can't have what you're offering me,
and that's my fault.
But American Dreams change.
And then I eat the bagel.
- Great, if you could please
go send Siobhan in here.
- I'm here.
- The wind whips around,
you're on this floating platform.
You see the angel turn
to look down at you.
Its face turns into the face of Ewan,
the Morse dancer you
followed across the ocean
on that tall ship all those ages ago.
Rowan,
I do not wish you or your friends harm.
All that I desire is to cross the doorway
and to be real.
As real as you
or anyone else.
I understand you wish to stop me.
So I would offer you this.
Every choice you could ever want.
Every option, all the
magical power in the world.
Galas and banquets and shows and parties
and great conversation
'til the end of time,
'til the stars blink out of the sky.
And a place for you forever.
Not having to do the ritual,
not fearing that someone might come
take your gifts away from you.
The dream looks at you and says,
you do not have to betray your friends.
All that I ask is you stand aside
and let me enter.
- My love.
For you are my love.
My one true love.
You don't need to enter,
you're already there.
And you don't need to be real
because you already are real.
- Go ahead actually and roll,
grab 2d10 out of your
box and roll them please.
- A five and an eight, 13.
Lucky number 13.
- 13 original colonies.
You say that,
and watch the dream
fully diminish in size.
Your first piece of conversation
with the American Dream
where you spoke to it,
and tried to speak to it as it
and say, I know you,
you watch a good portion
of the fight go out of it,
as it cannot help but recognize
the truth of what you've said.
Please don't tell anyone
what this interaction was
and go send Lou in here.
- Thank you.
- What do you want from me?
You want me to sit here?
- Yep.
The storm swirls,
the dream looks at you.
You see that its face changes.
You see people from your neighborhood,
you see people you have known,
people that have made great sacrifices.
For a moment, you see
your father, your mother,
Liz, Cosmo, you see
Alejandro's face appear.
It looks at you and goes,
I do not wish you nor
your companions harm.
You have barred my entry,
and all I have ever wished
is to be real.
Which is a state of being that you
and all of your friends have
always had the blessing of.
I just wish to be real.
I understand you do not wish this.
So I would make you this offer.
It shows you a vision
of you, in your apartment,
with your happy parents,
sitting on the stoop with Liz,
and a young boy that has her eyes,
your features, your arm around him.
On his shoulder, he's got a
melting fudgesicle in his hand.
You hear kids playing in the
fire hydrant down the street.
He looks up and is talking to you
about something funny at school.
The dream looks at you and says,
I can offer you this.
It needn't be yours.
You do not need to betray your friends,
you do not need to strike them,
you do not even need to help me.
All I ask
is that you stand aside
and let me pass.
And I can make this dream come true.
- But at what cost?
- The cost of you standing to one side
and letting me pass.
I will make it real for you, Kingston.
After all these years.
- That's mighty kind
of you, American Dream.
But you have to understand that
I'm 55.
I've lived a long life.
I've made my peace.
And I will stop you.
Lou, thank you so much, you can step out.
Ally, you want to step in?
So Pete heard all of that.
As you are falling through the air,
the dream turns to you,
you, through your dream sorcery,
heard all those interactions.
And you see it says,
Vox Phantasma.
- Yeah.
- You are the voice of my realm.
- Yeah.
- All I ask is to be real.
To be who I know I am.
You can understand that.
All I ask is for your help.
- Can I roll arcana to
see this as it truly is?
- Sure.
- Nat 20.
- You've gotta be kidding me.
- Nat f*ck' nat 20.
I want to see its true form.
- Its true form
is not this.
- What is it?
That's f*ck yeah.
- It's f*cking crazy.
- Huge story rolls!
- I can't believe that,
that's literally the final episode.
- What are you, show yourself to me.
- Let's bring everybody back in here.
That is, I don't understand
how to explain that.
I don't understand.
- Oh!
Oh, oh!
- I don't understand how to explain that.
I don't understand, I mean, let me see,
let me take a picture, right?
- Absolutely!
- There are forces at work in this game
that I don't begin to understand.
Is this real?
Is magic real?
Ally rolled at nat 20
on their arcana check
to see the real form
of the American Dream.
- It was being so nice
and I said, can I roll an arcana
to see it as it really is,
and he was like, sure give me a roll,
and it was a nat 20.
- Specifically your roll.
- I was just saying!
- Ally has the most poetic
rolls out of anyone.
- All of you, whoom, watch
this flickering thing,
and see Pete falling, reach out,
and the pure power of the realm
of dreams flows through you.
You connect directly
to this thing's heart.
The ephemeral axiom, the
ability for a dream to change
and remain changing
is not a flaw of the realm of dreams.
Dreams changing with the
minds of their dreamers
is the most beautiful aspect of dreams.
When you look to see
the true form of this,
what you see is that
a dream this important
and this large
needs to be able to change.
And its true form
is every and any form
that people want for it.
And if it is pushed back
through the Golden Door,
into the realm where it can have any form
that people give to it,
that is where it will have its true form.
So the answer to your nat 20
is that the only good form for a dream
is formless.
- In Nod.
- In Nod.
- Is it evil?
It feels f*cking evil.
- What you see is that this,
again with that nat 20,
this image of it is created
by Robert pulling it here.
- Yeah.
- This form of, and you see it,
you can see it has the button
up shirt and the slacks,
and is like,
I need an SUV,
and two and a half children.
- This is Robert's dream,
for sure, specifically.
- It seems like Robert's dream,
a young, rich, handsome,
all-American thing
that he has summoned
through the Golden Door
in New York City to form
a realm here for his own.
You think that if this moves
out of the storm you're all fighting in,
this might be Robert's body reforming.
And that this dream might
fully be under his control.
- See, did you say that
if we get it back to Nod,
there's a chance that we'll—
- Yeah, you don't think
this thing is evil,
it's just, it's a dream,
so its mind is whatever
people decide its mind is.
It is neutral, it is whatever
people want to make it.
What you do on that 20 is,
around the storm you hear,
guess the
cat's out of the bag, kid.
You have any idea
how much money I can make
when the thing at the center
of everybody's heart is mine?
What if we got rid of the middle man,
and we made a realm
where I was in charge
of what people most wanted to be!
With that knowledge,
you know that this needs to
be put back into the door,
you don't know if there's a way,
that doesn't, the door's not right here,
it's way behind it.
But you know that this thing
cannot be allowed to pass.
You know that it cannot be allowed
to remain in this incarnation.
There's a possible way of
destroying this incarnation
that would, if you were able to destroy
this corporeal form for it,
you would probably be able to
seal it back behind the door
with that nat 20.
- Cool.
I have a Cone of Cold
spell that turns something,
if I k*ll it with the spell,
it turns it into a statue.
- I have the Metro Card
that can plane shift.
I don't know if that's of any—
- That's going to be,
so all of that happens.
You guys on the platform see Kugrash
weakly making those death saves,
pull the bagel out of his bag,
and that's gonna be Willy's turn.
Willy turns to you,
Kingston, looking around.
All you have, that momentary,
all that occurs in a flash,
just a moment.
What, Willy turns to
you with a look of like,
what, is there anything you want me to do?
- Aw, I mean, we gotta get Kug,
Kug needs to get up.
- Cool.
You see that he goes, he grabs—
- Or can I also, can he
move us away from the storm?
- He grabs actually Esther and Kug,
five, 10, 15, 20, that's his movement.
Yeah, he's actually gonna
get all the way over here
with Kug, who's prone,
and Esther.
Cool.
Kingston, you're still there.
Rowan, that's you.
- Okay.
I would like to see if I can once again
climb within 60 feet.
- Hell yeah.
That's gonna go down to a DC15,
'cause you're part of
the way there, already.
- Great.
- Give me that acrobatics.
- Okay, I pass.
- Cool.
- 18.
- You scale your way
up the rest of the way.
You are within 60 feet.
- Here is what I would like to do.
I would like to cast Phantasmal Force.
- Okay.
- Which is an intelligence saving throw.
- Intelligence saving throw, cool.
- Yeah.
- He fails.
- Great.
So I can create any
sound, image, temperature.
- Mm-hmm.
- And while the target
is affected by the spell,
the target treats the
phantasm as if it were real.
- Wild.
- So I would like to
show the American Dream
everything that it could possibly be.
- Broadway lights, ba-dah, ba-dah!
Have we got the show for you!
Bow, whoom!
Images of all the various places
across the entire country,
all of the people that
have ever come to New York
and moved anywhere else in the country,
as the gateway to this land.
It looks insane as it's,
you see it's twitching,
and you've tapped into
that ephemeral axiom,
and you see its body is
morphing and changing
as it tries to stop it.
- And I say, look at what you could be!
Why would you limit yourself
when you can be all of this?
- Amazing, go ahead and roll damage.
- It actually doesn't—
- Oh, it doesn't do damage.
- I mean, it's 1d6 psychic damage
if it's a real thing.
- Oh, gotcha, okay.
But it doesn't feel like it's,
it's not a person doing damage.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- I just need it to know.
- Yes.
I'm gonna need another
dexterity save from Sofia.
- Okay.
- You have advantage on that.
- Well, I think I also already passed it.
The other one was 22.
- 22, that's correct.
- Yeah.
- 22 hits, or sorry, 22 passes.
You can take your attacks
as you begin to fall.
- Oh no, I'm falling back into Em.
Remember, Em was positioned to—
- Oh yeah, cool.
Yep, yep, yep.
So—
- I'm falling back into
Em and then I want her
to just throw me back.
- Rad.
Hold on one second.
Let's get a little bit of—
- Doing a trust fall.
I trust you, my big statue friend!
- And you want, on her turn,
you want her to throw you back?
- Oh?
Her turn is—
- She could just spin you around.
- She moved and—
- But couldn't I just
fall back into, like,
use my movement to fall back
into her and then kick—
- Oh, and then actually, yeah,
you could jump, you could
easily make that jump.
- Oh wait, before she does this,
can I also have given
Sofia Bardic Inspiration?
- Yes, absolutely.
- Great.
- Cool, in that case,
I'm gonna say that Em
actually readied an action,
and is gonna go ahead,
she heals you for 16 hit points.
- Okay.
- And flings you back up there,
and you spring up with
the rest of your movement.
- Okay.
I'm, I've got Haste.
So first off, I'm going to hex this guy.
And the ability I want him
to have disadvantage on
is constitution.
- Okay.
- So he's hexed, and then I'm
just gonna start attacking.
- f*ck yeah, go for it.
- Does a 21 does hit, or 22.
- 22 hits.
- Okay, so I'm gonna hit him with my,
also one of these is necrotic,
one of these is radiant.
I'm doing the necrotic
damage because of the hex.
- He's actually immune to necrotic.
But, so go ahead and roll the radiant.
- So I won't even do that, okay.
There's my d8.
Does someone have my d8, no I have my d8.
Okay, so that is 15.
And I'm gonna Stunning Strike him.
That's a constitution save,
which he should have disadvantage on now.
- Ooh baby!
Buh-buh-buh.
He passes.
- Passes, okay.
Okay, I'll go after him again.
Does a, 18 does not hit.
Oh, but I have Bardic Inspiration!
- Yes!
And 24 does hit!
- Yep!
- Hit him again for
another, let's see, seven plus five,
Gonna stun him again.
- He's rolling with disadvantage.
Boom, boom boom boom!
Crack!
And in the phantasmagoria around him,
a bunch of teeth fly out of his head,
and his head goes on a swivel.
- Is he stunned?
- He is stunned.
- Yes!
Does that mean that I get advantage
when I attack on him now?
- It does mean that, yes.
- So then my third attack is I got a,
'cause I have Haste.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's a nat one.
So nevermind, that's not gonna hit.
But I still—
- You have advantage, right?
- Oh yeah, I have an advantage!
That's gonna hit!
- Yes!
- Hell yeah.
- f*ck yeah.
- And I'm gonna do another 10,
and then I'm gonna hit
with my very final one,
with my little backhand.
- Mm-hmm.
- And that's also gonna hit!
For another 11 damage.
- For another 11 damage, Jesus Christ.
Whoom.
He is stunned, he can no
longer act on his turn.
- I want to get in his face and be like,
I also still have a f*ck'
reaction waiting for you.
- At the end of your turn,
you're gonna get to use it,
because though he is stunned,
he is gonna keep using
his Legendary Actions,
he's gonna miss his next turn.
I'm gonna need from you,
a dexterity saving throw.
- Okay.
With advantage on that.
Is a
- 25, you take no damage.
- Yes!
- He explodes in fire.
Ricky, you do, Ricky,
I'm gonna need a dex save
from you as well, actually
'cause you're still up there.
- Advantage on this.
- But this counts as him doing a spell?
- Yes it does.
- Okay, then I'm gonna
attack him one more time.
- Cool.
- I got a 16.
- You got a 16?
You take 34 points of damage.
- I'm down.
- I hit him again for another seven.
Can I use that—
- Can I use a luck point?
- To reroll?
You're fine, you have your
final luck point, yes you can.
- Yes!
- Rolling for your dex save?
- Wait, you have advantage
on dex saves, by the way!
- I got it.
- You got it?
- I got 17 plus five plus four.
- You take half that.
Does that still put you under?
- No.
- Okay.
- I have—
- Hoo!
- I have, so it's 34,
I take, what is that.
- 16?
- 17?
- 17?
- You get seven more damage from him.
- Yes, I did.
Em is going to fly up and heal Ricky.
She heals you for 15 hit points.
- Okay.
- Oh, also he has
disadvantage on saving throws
to maintain concentration,
when I was hitting,
each time I hit him.
- Let me roll for that then, actually.
- Yeah, so—
Each time I hit him he has it.
- Each time you do it?
Okay.
He would have to roll a one to miss.
So he,
he succeeds, he keeps
concentration on the spell.
Em flies up and heals.
The wind is gonna go.
I'm going to need,
it flies all the way up
to hit you guys up here.
I'm gonna need saves from
Sofia and Ricky up there.
- Are these dex?
- These are dex, yep.
Or sorry, no no no.
These are strength.
- Strength, okay.
- Sofia get a plus four
from being close to Ricky?
- Yeah.
For sure.
- Oh sweet!
- I got a 31.
- Jesus Christ.
- I got a 24.
- Cool.
- Oh, I'm sorry, 23.
- Cool.
Neither of you are knocked out of the sky,
which is good news.
You do take eight points
of bludgeoning damage each.
- How are you, Ricky?
- I'm at 20.
- Oh, nice.
- La Gran Gata leaps from you, Ricky,
over to, and actually,
you're about to fall.
- I'm still grappling him.
- Oh you're still grappling
him, that's right!
So La Gran Gata jumps over to Sofia,
who is about—
- Come here!
- Who is about to fall
and
sparkles around you.
- When a cat's about to jump.
- Yeah.
Does its shoulder thing.
- They wiggle their little butt.
- Leaps to you.
- By the way, Pete.
He has disadvantage on con saves.
- f*ck yeah.
- So La Gran Gata swirls around you.
You do still feel yourself falling,
but you have an extra move action,
which is what the cat's doing.
Then that's gonna be Ricky,
I'm gonna need a dex save at
the beginning of your turn.
- The beginning, okay.
Advantage on dex.
- 23 passes.
You still take half damage.
You take 14 points of damage.
- Okay.
- You're still up?
- It's still your turn.
- Okay.
Commune with my ax.
I feel like it's just getting
more and more dangerous,
so I am going to,
I guess I'll swing
first, and see if I hit.
It's a, yeah, that hits.
That's my first attack.
That's a 19 plus three.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then,
I'm Hasted so I'll do that last attack.
That's another 19 plus three,
so all three attacks hit.
My first attack,
I'll use Divine Smite.
- Okay.
- Which, you know, my
third level Divine Smite.
- Mm-hmm.
- Which would be...
How many is that?
- Should be 4d8.
- 4d8 plus eight?
- Yep.
- Can I have some d8s?
- It'll be five, right?
- 2d8, 3d8, 4d8, and then
- Okay.
- Ooh hoo!
- So that's 10.
seven,
That's the Divine Smite.
- 34.
- Cool.
- And then I do just regular,
that was 38?
- Yes.
Again, the American Dream is looking bad.
But it's still there.
- Okay, then I'll just,
this is my regular damage,
which is just 1d8.
So five plus eight, so I add that.
- Okay.
- And then one more.
So seven plus eight.
It's 15.
- 15 does not hit.
- Or 15 damage.
- 15 damage?
- All three hits hit, they're all—
- Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Cool.
- Then I guess I'm gonna use my ability.
- So on the last attack,
you're gonna use your ability?
- Yes.
- Right?
So that last one did 15, right?
- Yes.
And I look at Kingston,
you got me if you got me.
And I need a bunch of d10s from people.
- What?
- Yeah.
- What?
- How many?
- You got me if you got me?
Oh God.
- I need...
Five.
- You got me if you got me?
- You need more?
- Do you need more?
- One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
Is that 10?
Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
All right.
- Yeah, get this.
- Get those 10s!
- So crunchy.
- Count the 10s.
- Okay, so one—
- My kids are doing all
right, that's a seven.
- There's a nine at most.
- A 20.
- Radiant damage?
- Radiant damage.
- You see that Ricky takes
the questing blade back,
you hear the voices of past heroes go,
you got it, kid.
It's the sacrifice.
Go ahead and read that
power for everybody,
if you'd be so kind.
- Okay.
You can add 10d10 radiant
damage to a single attack,
but you take the entire attack's worth
of damage on yourself,
and you need to make a dc15
con save or die.
- What?
- You see Ricky, Sofia.
Bah, bah, bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!
Bah-bah-bah!
And Ricky, holding on to the thing's leg,
basically while it's being
distracted by the light and show,
and you're just bodying
and knocking teeth out
and stunning this guy.
Bah, bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!
Boom!
Ricky leans back and,
you see a faint shimmer of
wings extend behind Ricky.
Hold on one sec.
- Oh my God!
- What?
- You angel!
- Boom!
And you cleave into the chest.
Pow!
Of the American Dream.
This form vanishes.
And the corporeal form
is utterly destroyed.
You see that in its place,
just pillar of raw fire,
roiling dream energy
appears in its place.
That is Ricky's turn,
I'm gonna need that, I
assume you're at zero.
- Yes.
- I'm gonna need that constitution,
let's actually get the Box
of Doom out real quick.
- Constitution, add your Bless, my dude!
- Oh yeah.
- Add that Bless.
- So constitution's two plus four,
so I get six added to whatever I roll.
Can I roll—
- And it's a 15?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
So let's go ahead and make that roll.
So you're trying to, it's dc15.
So what are you, so you need to,
what do you add to con?
- I have two plus my aura gives me four.
- So you're adding six to this roll.
So you need a nine or higher,
and then the Bless is gonna
get added to that as well.
- You got this.
- Five plus six is 11.
- Oh!
- Can I, take me instead!
I've lived so many lives, don't take his!
- Wait, didn't that work, though?
- The 11 was the total.
- I got him, I got him.
- That's going to be a spin round now.
- Do you want to take all of 'em?
Just pass 'em around.
- Cool.
We can, we'll roll to see which
direction you're falling in.
You were here,
Zac, give me a d8 roll to
see which way you're falling.
One's gonna be here,
and then going clockwise,
that'll be the directions.
- Three.
- One, two, three.
So you're actually falling to the right.
- Towards me?
- Yes, towards you.
But as the spin occurs...
So let's go ahead and move
this though real quick.
- f*ck' Don Confetti a*s b*tch.
Even just seeing him.
- Who summoned him again?
I like that move.
- I called—
Did you summon,
you f*ck' hated—
- I mean he's gotta know
that he is f*ck' in trouble
with the rest of fairy.
- Sofia's still up here.
- I'm gonna f*ck up his sh*t.
- Yeah.
- He is no longer a made fairy.
- No he's not.
- And Ricky indeed is
falling in this direction
off towards the side.
Cool.
On Ricky's turn he will
fall into the storm.
- How do we get Kingston to Ricky?
- I think I can get Ricky to Kingston.
- Oh!
- Kingston.
That's gonna be you.
- Great.
Do you, are you just falling?
- Mm-hmm.
- Do you have a way to stop yourself?
- Mm-mm.
- Great, I'm gonna run,
ready an action to catch Pete
and then as a bonus action,
cast Healing Word on my man—
- Kugrash.
- Kugrash, yes.
- Cool, you run—
- And I'll cast that as
a second level spell.
- Boom.
You run to grab Pete, cast
it as a second level spell.
- It's just two, yeah, 2d4.
It's two, five plus,
plus five.
- 10 hit points are healed to you.
- Sweet.
- You
jump up.
Yeah, Kingston, you're, yeah,
you have your readied action
to catch Pete.
Esther holds on to her force
fields that she's doing,
and she actually takes a full move action
and begins to sprint and
create a bridge of platforms,
kind of higgledy-piggledy,
that's not 100 percent chance
that, you see she's wrecked,
but there's not 100 percent chance
that Ricky will land on one of them.
- Mm-hmm.
- Go ahead and roll that d4.
- For—
- Nod.
- Oh right.
One.
- Everyone regains a
first level spell slot.
Nod flies over to this platform here,
going to where Pete is.
- Nod, send me back up!
- This moves to Kingston,
I'm gonna need a dexterity
saving throw, Kingston.
- Oh no.
- sh*t.
- Big time failure.
- Mkay.
Eight, 18,
- f*ck, I'm at two.
- Okay, okay!
- It's okay.
- Not now!
- Oh my God!
- This f*cking game!
- Kugrash is back up, Kugrash has heals.
- Dispel Magic.
- Kugrash.
You awaken and,
eat the Bagel of All Things.
- The whole thing?
- The whole thing.
Little thing that happened
in Murph's interlude.
You have one round,
as you feel your
consciousness begin to expand.
You guys see the crown start
to float off of Kugrash's head,
and his fur stand on end,
and you begin to see images of a rat
and an eagle and a bear
and a dog and a spider,
and a man.
You see brief images of an old man
with a lot of regrets,
and some grit and heart as well.
Kugrash, you're beginning to disappear,
but you do have the round.
- Can I do anything special or just—
- You can, I'll allow you to do it,
if you want to take
combat actions, you can,
and then at the end of the round,
we'll resolve eating
the Bagel of All Things.
- Got it, cool.
Then I'm going to—
- You have a Dispel Magic.
- Yeah, should I do Dispel Magic
or should I heal Kingston?
- Heal Kingston!
- Yeah, yeah.
- Heal Kingston?
Cool.
I'm gonna heal Kingston.
- Cool.
- I'll do fifth level Cure Wounds,
'cause this is the last one, bud.
- What?
I mean, you're glowing and
you're turning into a man again.
But what?
- Well, I think I got into some bad trash,
I don't think I can
come back from this one.
Do me a favor.
- Okay.
- My son is a vampire.
- Oh!
- If you could make him not a vampire.
- I'll do my best.
- That would be wonderful.
- I think I, hopefully I
can do something for that.
- Whoo!
And is the unicorn aura still there or no?
- Unicorn goes down when I go down.
- Gotcha.
- Can that fifth level Cure Wounds
just be a very intense handshake?
- Yes!
A very intense handshake
between the two of you.
- You're not grossed out?
- Not anymore.
You're also a human being now.
So this feels right.
- For the brief moment
you are a human being,
you shake Kingston's hand.
And Kugrash fades and spirals
in magical rings and circles,
out into the storm.
Kugrash, you become aware, first of all,
of the things here, as your consciousness
begins to expand into the universe,
eating the most powerful
bagel of all time.
As you vanish, you become aware first,
with perfect knowledge of all the things
which are occurring here,
which include Robert's
spirit in the storm going,
what the, th' f*ck,
what the f*ck is going on?
- I would like to bite him.
- Gah!
Aah, you f*cking rat!
You f*ck' rat b*stard!
- You're the rat!
- You're a human biting another human.
- You also become aware,
you, because of Pete's clue,
you become aware of the
edges of the phylactery.
You can read the rest
of Robert's phylactery.
You know the whole incantation.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And your consciousness expands,
you have it in your head,
all you need to do is say it,
and you also are aware of
one other little thing,
which is in, I assume either,
I assume Pete is carrying it.
There's a little list in Pete's bag.
- I'm on the naughty list.
- And you see that your name
vanishes from the naughty list.
And Bruce Kugrich
appears on the nice list.
With a little parenthetical, Kugrash.
- It's too bad Santa's dead!
- But all we see is
just Kugrash disappears?
- I can kind of talk to
you guys here, right?
- Yeah—
- 'Cause I can tell them?
- You guys hear in the
storm Robert's voice,
and you hear Kugrash
going, f*ck you, f*ck you!
- Kug, where are you going?
- I'm just in, I'm in the mist!
I'm in the dream thing kind of.
I know how to—
- But you're gonna come
back and be around,
we're still gonna hang out, right?
'Cause I have a small pool of friends,
and you're one of 'em!
- I need you to hang out
with Wally, actually!
And I need you to save Ricky
so he can be his workout buddy.
- Aww, okay!
Okay!
- Pete, it's gonna be you.
- How far away am I from the—
- On your turn you fall
the rest of the distance.
- Oh.
- You're gonna take some
but not much falling damage.
You take 10 points of falling damage.
- Halved?
- Halved, yep.
- As Pete lands, hopefully
close to my arms—
- In your arms, yeah, that's how—
- In my arms.
Can I slip the MTA Metro Card
to Nod that they gave me?
- Mm-hmm.
- And say, just in case.
- Great.
- You slip the MTA,
you have Pete in your hands.
Magic swirling around everywhere.
And Pete, because you were caught,
you're back up on your feet right away.
Another spin.
I know you guys are all
gonna move in a second.
This is here.
So I need
Pete and Kingston
to make those saves.
- A nat 20.
- Nice!
- Is that nat 20—
- You're holding Pete.
On a nat 20, you're holding Pete.
- f*ck yeah, thank you,
'cause I definitely failed.
- Hey, you know.
I gotta get my foot,
I gotta get my balance together, clearly.
- All I feel is your hand
go into my jacket pocket,
giving me the Metro Card,
but I'm like, hmm.
What's up?
- Esther makes her save.
You see the
American Dream is, Ricky's
ax blow has destroyed it.
Make another dexterity
saving throw for me.
It is now without intelligence,
and now is just like,
roiling and burning and chaos and just,
- Oh, I didn't get to take
an action or anything.
But was that my action,
falling and being caught?
- Oh sorry!
I f*cked up.
Let's take your action.
- I was gonna cast Cone of
Cold on this fire being.
- Ooh f*ck!
What's the range on Cone of Cold?
- 60 foot cone.
- 60 foot cone?
I don't know if you'll be able
to reach the flame from there.
So you're gonna have to—
- No this cone, I think, right?
- Oh no.
I could try to run—
- Oh yeah, you can run!
- Could you have done it before you fe-,
I'm dead.
- Oh sorry, yeah, if you want,
do you wanna run and get within range?
- Yeah, please.
- Cool.
Buh-buh-buh-buh.
You get here.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh my God.
- 60 is,
that is unfortunately
not within a range of 60.
- If I run and jump onto
the platform in front of me?
- Yeah actually, if you want
to make an athletics check
and Willy is right there, he'll
give you advantage on that.
- Okay.
Come on!
And I'm Blessed.
Eww.
- Are you remembering that
you're now jacked as hell
and adding an extra—
- Oh right!
No, no, sorry!
Yeah, 12—
- Plus five, right?
- Plus five.
- Yeah, 17.
- Willy hoists into the air
your jacked, chrome body
rise into the sky—
- f*ck yeah.
- You are just within range.
You will hit Sofia too.
- I will use a sorcery point—
- Careful Spell, dope!
- Oh, okay.
- My final sorcery point.
- Hell yeah!
- Okay.
It's a con saving throw,
which he now has disadvantage on—
- 'Cause he's hexed.
- Yeah.
- And I need everyone's d8s please,
or I just need a d8.
- If he fails—
- Oh, then he takes half damage.
- Oh, okay, cool.
- Thank you.
I need four more.
Two, I need two more.
Whoa!
One more, please.
Thank you!
Come on, with disadvantage!
- Do you, he doesn't—
- Oh, you want to see
roll before you see—
- Yeah, let's see it.
- Nice!
- I got a couple of good things, okay.
That's 10, 15, 20,
- 42?
- 42.
- 42,
as the Vox Phantasma,
you freeze the flame,
and there is just a solid chunk of ice.
You've arrested the chaos,
frozen fire rests in the sky,
standing in front of you.
You are using all of your
powers of the Vox Phantasma,
holding it into this single form,
getting it to the point where it is weak,
and you see the Golden
Door behind it glowing.
That's gonna be Willy.
Willy turns to you, Kingston,
and sort of gives you a look like,
anything you need me to do?
- Okay, I mean, there's the, I mean,
you're going to puppet Ricky somewhere?
Is that your hope?
- I have several options.
- Okay.
I mean, if not, there's a crazier plan
where Ricky throws me, or
Willy throws me into the sky
and I attempt to catch.
- You should do that now
and just put the frozen
thing back through the door.
Just make a...
- Can Willy throw me against the ice
as to push it through the Golden Door?
- Yes, absolutely!
Cool.
He is, I'm gonna make a check for him.
I'm gonna say, he has a
plus eight to strength.
I'm gonna say this is a dc25.
He's gotta roll 17 or higher.
- So much has been happening!
- On a 17 or higher,
Willy's gonna get you
where you need to go.
- This is insane.
- Six, he does not get
you where you need to be.
- Maybe this is the time
to ask the city for help?
- Yeah.
Do you, yeah, I'll use,
can I ask for Divine
Intervention on that roll?
- Yes, well,
so Divine Intervention is a 10
percent chance of happening.
- Yeah.
- That's a 19 or a 20 on a d20.
I will ask you to roll
for the chance of Divine Intervention.
I've got the Box of Doom going right here.
- Why not, dude?
You only live once.
Unless you're Misty Moore.
- Eight.
- Oh!
- So close to a 20.
- It was so close to a 20!
- It's such a beautiful way.
- I know, if that was Ally,
it would have been a 19.
- Yeah.
- Your rolls are beautiful.
- Only if it was a story move though,
not a combat move.
- Willy hurls you up,
you land on one of the airborne platforms.
- Okay.
- Like over here near Rowan.
But you are closer in range to this flame.
- Great.
- And you have not used your,
or your action is the, yeah.
- Well, it wasn't even my turn.
That was Willy throwing me.
- Oh right, gotcha, yes, yes, yes.
Rowan, it's gonna be you.
- Okay.
Oy.
Yeah, I'm gonna Puppet
Ricky over to Kingston.
- Okay.
So you do Puppet.
Voom.
I'm gonna say that's gonna
give Ricky an advantage
on the roll we're gonna make for,
as he's flying this way, that
you're gonna bat him this way
as hard as you can.
- Wait, before we do that then,
I would like to climb up,
I would like to climb my movement.
- Okay.
- Is that okay?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- So I'm within 30 feet of him?
- Yep.
- So instead of anybody
doing any f*cking rolls,
I would like to use Dimension Door.
- Nice.
- Wait!
Hang on a second.
- Mm-hmm.
- f*ck, sorry.
My math is getting confused.
So I, can I get within five feet of him,
'cause he's actively falling.
- Those are not where the steps are,
you could make an athletics
to jump and catch him, but then—
- How about an acrobatics?
- I would allow an acrobatics,
if you fall five or more
short of the difficulty,
it's gonna be both of
you going into the storm.
- What's the difficulty?
- We'll call it an even 20.
- What's your acrobatics?
- 11.
So I'd have to get,
if I get a four or below then,
and what happens if I do Puppet?
I'm so sorry.
- It's gonna give him
advantage on the save
he's gonna make not to go into the storm.
- And what's the save he has to make?
- Oh, we don't know yet.
- Oh!
- f*ck.
- Oh my God.
- f*ck!
- I mean, four or lower on a d20 is okay.
- Yeah, I'm gonna try then
and do the Dimension Door,
because I think.
God, f*ck, if I can't
get higher than a four.
- I don't want to be the
one who said that, sorry!
I'll stop talking!
- f*ck, sh*t!
f*ck, f*ck!
- Let's go, this is
clearly a Box of Doom roll.
- Clearly.
- Yeah.
- My God.
- I didn't want, ah!
- You need to—
- I would just be—
- You need a five or higher
to get our boy.
- I need a nine to get him.
- You need nine to get him
and not go down yourself.
- Yeah.
- What?
- You need a nine?
- I need a nine,
a nine or above to get you and
then Dimension Door you to—
- Oh, okay.
- And a four or above to—
- A four or above to not f*cking die.
- 13!
- 13!
- 13, 13!
- Rowan Berry leaping
from platform to platform!
- I love this young f*cking body!
- You see that Esther throws
a platform up under your feet.
You got him!
Whoom, you spiral in your crazy,
beautiful old lady clothes
as this hot, young actress.
Grab Ricky, the wings on his back, boom.
Get your arms around him,
and
you Dimension Door.
- Who am I to stand in
the way of true love?
- I'm gonna say you,
I'm gonna put you next to Esther.
Or wherever you want to go,
where do you want to—
- Does Esther have healing spells?
- Oh no, so you go to—
- I'm gonna go to Kingston.
- Gotcha, yes, yes, yes.
- Who am I to stand in
the way of true love?
But first, let's see Kingston.
- Yeah!
I mean, look!
There, it's not just me in
standing in the way of true love,
it's also literal death.
- Incredible!
Sofia, that's you.
You are,
you can act, but then
you're gonna begin to fall.
- Yeah, but can I fall
onto these platform steps?
- You can, you have to
make a roll to hit them.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna try and do that
so that I can push this
thing through the door.
- Cool, DC20 acrobatics.
- DC20 acrobatics, okay.
- Are you Blessed?
I think you're Blessed.
- Is that, do I get, since
I have Haste, and I have—
- The movement?
- And I have advantage on
dexterity saving throws—
- This counts as a saving throw.
- Okay, so I get advantage on this.
Well, I got it already.
- Perfect.
- Okay, well, the other
one was a nat one, but—
- Cool.
- The first one was—
- Cool.
You, boom, fall a couple steps.
- Okay, and then I want to just rush up
and shove this thing through the door.
- Cool.
Make, we don't need to roll damage,
but make some attack
rolls for me, make some—
- Okay, all right.
Okay.
- Cool, roll again.
- It's gonna be 24.
- Nice!
- It's gonna be, let's see.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's gonna be 17.
- The attacks!
- How many, do I just keep going?
- I think that just about does it.
- Okay.
- Sofia, standing in front of this,
it is what it is.
And another
voice, Nod hearing that says,
and what it is,
is anything.
You glow with the power of the chosen one.
And the frozen flame flies back
into the Golden Door.
Robert screams.
No!
You hear the storm,
get worse and worse.
Sofia, that's your turn.
Em flies up as you begin
to fall, catches you,
flies you back down to the platform here.
- Why did I get to watch everyone's thing?
- Because you're the Vox Phantasma.
- Cool.
- You know what dreams are up to.
- You watched all our things?
- Whoa!
- f*ck.
- You watched it from there?
That's crazy!
- That's cool.
- Everyone came in and was like,
you get to watch.
And I was like, okay!
And put on headphones and was just like,
I almost cried for all of you guys.
They were tense.
- You guys see,
this again, tornado shoots over here.
I'm just gonna need dex
saves from Sofia and Rowan.
- Nat 20.
- Yes!
Yeah, Rowan!
You're so hot!
- You're so hot, you're so f*ck' hot!
- You're so cool and fun and hot!
- My hair is moving in the tornado
in that epic f*ck' slow-mo way.
- We should go see a
play sometime, I dunno!
- Carrie co*n is actually performing
off Broadway right now, let's do it!
- I'm so f*cking into plays!
- Pete, this comes over here.
You see that Willy, give me a
saving throw with advantage,
'cause you're right next to Willy.
- Suck my d*ck.
- See I,
after you k*ll me.
- You're Blessed, right?
- Oh, that adds a four, so that's nice.
It's a what saving throw?
- You're gonna fail,
but you take 24 halved
to 12 points of damage.
- Fabulous.
I'm up to 20!
Hmm, okay.
- Great.
La Gran Gata goes,
meow!
Jumps into the middle of this tornado—
- What, no, no!
- And dispels it.
Meow!
- Ahh.
- I love, oh God.
Oh, I wasn't hissing this whole battle.
That was my plan.
- You've still
got the vampire teeth?
- Then that's going to be—
- Meow.
- Ricky, you're dead.
Full dead.
- Three people have died
in the past four hours.
Wild.
- This moves over here.
- Four if you count—
- You died.
- I died.
- You died.
- Kug died.
Also—
- You died.
You died three hours ago.
You guys died a minute ago.
- I'm never gonna die.
- You're the only two that never died.
- And you're dead!
- I mean, I'm not on Santa's list,
which means that—
- I'm gonna need a dex,
as the spinning continues,
I'm gonna need dex saves
from Pete,
Pete, Rowan, and Misty.
- With advantage since I'm close to—
- Yes, with advantage.
But Pete, Rowan, Sofia,
I'm gonna need dex saves.
- Okay.
- Suck my d*ck!
- Am I near them?
- 22.
- 22.
- Okay, they don't even need my help.
- That time it worked.
- That time it worked.
Yeah, a lot.
- Cool.
- 23.
- None of you are knocked back or moved.
That's going to be,
Pete give me some Wild Magic, by the way.
- Oh right.
- 18.
- Cool, you're good.
Kingston.
- Scramble down.
Revivify.
- Oh sh*t.
- You leap down.
Hands on Ricky.
Ricky,
you arrive at the Pearly Gates.
- Awesome.
- JFK,
plane's taking off.
A huge pair of wings on your back.
You see Ox with a pair of wings runs up.
As you approach the Pearly Gates,
you see that a group of
angels applauds, yeah!
Ricky Matsui!
- Oh, whatever.
- You arrive there,
and after a moment's time,
you see a man that you haven't met before
walks up to you crying.
He's a super jacked, dorky lookin' dude,
thick glasses.
And he comes up and gives
you this big, huge hug.
He's got a pair of wings
on his back as well.
Incredible.
Incredible!
- Thanks.
Something about you seems familiar.
- Ah, my name's Dale.
- Oh!
- You're the, I can't believe it.
Thank you for watching out for Sofie, man.
- Of course.
She watches out for me.
- Hell yeah.
- Yeah.
- This is awesome.
This is so cool.
- Yeah!
- She's the chosen one!
- Yeah!
- I love my wife!
There's tears streaming down his face.
- Did you, just out of curiosity,
how did you die?
- Isabella m*rder*d me.
- Oh, okay.
I just wanted, I'm sorry
that I brought that up.
- It's okay!
I didn't get the riddle
of the chosen one in time.
I didn't understand it.
- But she got it.
- She got it.
- Yeah!
- That's, honestly, the
city's better off for it.
You see some tears roll down his face.
Kingston, you cast the
spell, you close your eyes.
You appear at the Pearly Gates.
Normally you have to do a little bit
of wheeling and dealing
when people's souls
were especially pure
or especially corrupt.
But you arrive at the Pearly Gates,
you see St. Peter looks over at you,
and looks at you and says,
I tell you,
Kingston Brown from uptown.
How's it going, friend?
- I'm good, how are you, Peter?
- I'm good, I'm good.
Well, what a time, can you believe it?
- I tell you.
I mean, it's a tough day.
This is a tough day, you're taking
a lot of my friends today.
- You look and see Alejandro
and his wife Esmeralda,
bum-bum-bum, ba-bum-bum,
ba-bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum—
- Okay.
- As he looks over and he goes,
see what I mean,
you have to have a good time!
- All right, I get it!
- I did a lot of magic,
a wizard to be, you know,
doing the cryptic riddles and beakers
and smoke and saying, a
dark time is approaching,
and then you say, you know, hey,
you keep it secret, and then you say,
there is a legend of a rumor of a myth,
and you know.
You see he goes,
but I will
miss to go to the corner
and get chopped cheese
with you, my friend.
- Hey, you know.
You know, what can I say?
I'm pretty old.
It probably won't be too
long until we're up here.
- We'll keep a seat warm!
- Okay.
That way you can come
and you can join us!
- That's a little morbid,
but I started this off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You keep a seat warm for me.
- Hey.
When the time comes,
it's going to be a party here, too.
- Looking forward to it.
- You see St. Peter says,
so you're here to
snatch one of our pure souls away,
bring 'em back to that wicked world?
- Yeah, that one Ricky Matsui.
- You got me.
- Yeah!
You see Ricky's there.
St. Peter says,
well, I'll
get the paperwork ready,
we're always happy to sign
a soul back out to you,
given XYZ.
You see he starts going,
Dale kind of looks off
into the middle distance,
looks over at you and says,
well, keep Sof,
I guess give my love to Sofie.
Please tell her that I'm
sorry I couldn't be there,
and I think the world of her.
- Okay.
- You see that he says,
ah, Kingston, good to see you again.
- How are you, Dale?
- I'm all right.
You see he turns around,
Alejandro says, Dale, come,
get some food!
Have some fun!
- Aww!
- And you see that Dale
starts walking away
to go into Heaven.
- Hey Dale.
- Mm-hmm?
- Just in case you're wondering.
The deer are all right.
- They're just so
gentle, they're like big mice!
They're like big yard mice!
- I know.
- Oh!
You see that, yeah, St.
Peter gets the book out.
He puts the book in front of you.
You see there's paperwork
to sign and stuff like that.
- I sign away.
- And you and Ricky are
at the Pearly Gates,
and you turn to walk
back to the mortal realm.
- Before I leave,
could I stop and talk
to Dale for a second?
- Sure.
- Can I try to give him my ax?
If there's anything I can do?
- Yeah.
You hand the ax to him.
He takes it,
and the, you see it,
changes to this insane set
of nunchucks in his hand.
Just like,
Ah, thanks, man.
I appreciate it.
You see that
you hand the questing blade over to him.
As you do so,
you see that he begins to
fill with this radiant light,
and look around,
and at all these other angels,
and the angels go,
Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, you gotta see reason!
And just starts housing all these angels.
And you see St. Peter looks in the book.
Mr. Matsui, what the hell'd you do!
Why'd you give him a questing blade?
- I don't know!
It seemed like it would be really cool.
- You snap awake.
Your wings vanish as you are
once again the mortal man,
Ricky Matsui.
You are revivified, boom.
You no longer have your questing blade.
Kingston, that's your turn.
Esther, voom,
teleports over here.
Immediately starts just gripping you.
Just hardcore making out,
blood and storm everywhere.
- I'm so dead!
- You're so nearly dead.
- You have one life point,
but you're a*s is being rammed.
- Nod smiles,
raises up.
Looks at you and says,
I knew I picked right.
Voom, the Golden Door shuts.
Boom!
The storm continues as
the door disappears,
and Kugrash, that is your turn.
You know the full inscription.
All you need to do is say it.
- What is the full inscription?
- A branching web of necromantic,
horrifying words appear
that you boil down, you speak them,
you guys hear strangely,
him all around the storm.
And the final piece
are three words in an
ancient form of Latin,
that just say greed is good.
And all you have to do is
speak those words and then deny them.
So I'll let you tell me what Kugrash says
at the end of this.
- All right.
Kugrash says,
the beginning part of it.
And then says,
greed is good,
for rat m*therf*ckers
like Robert Moses,
but not in our town,
not in our f*ck' city!
Make Wally Santa Claus!
- Greatest city in the world!
- The storm, whoom, disappears.
- Ahh!
- Happy New Year!
And a drunk person vomits
all over your guys' shoes.
- Oh my God.
- f*ck' love this city!
- Do you have anything else to drink?
- I'm from New Jersey!
- Cool, yeah, checks out.
- You see fire vanishes.
Willy is standing here,
all of you feel Kugrash's essence.
- He's not here?
- No.
He begins to expand
throughout the universe.
- Become one with the juicy c*ck.
- I've somehow found a
little stage to stand on.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I continue the song,
Goodbye, old friend.
- I pour one out for Kugrash,
and then I get a bacon,
egg, and cheese sandwich
and mash it into the ground.
Wherever you are, Kug, eat!
- While all this is happening,
can I walk up to Don Confetti
and just backhand him as
hard as I possibly can?
- Oh yeah, is he here, the little b*tch.
- He's there.
- I would like to cast Dominate Person
on f*cking Don Confetti.
- He fails magnificently, you
guys kick the sh*t out of him.
- You little sh*t,
you get out of this f*cking city
and I never want to see
your g*dd*mn face again.
And if I or any of the fair
folk see your face again,
let me tell you, there will be trouble.
- You see he says,
very well.
I shall do as many other crime
folk have done before me,
and move to Arizona,
and change my name and
burn my fingerprints off.
- Just so you know,
I'm gonna find you and
I'm gonna kick your a*s.
- I don't, then I—
- Once a year, I'm gonna
show up and kick your a*s.
- Once a year!
It'll be like Christmas.
- f*cking show up in San Jose.
Buy some cowboy boots and kick your a*s.
- I have never made any bones about it,
I'm quite bad.
You see Don Confetti—
- I grab him and I just wipe the throw up
off my shoes with him.
- Yes, Ricky!
- It's my cheat day.
- You all get the f*ck out of the hellhole
that is Times Square on New Year's.
- Good God.
- A bunch of people are talking about,
what's this party, free drugs?
It sounds dope as hell.
- Boo.
- Pete, you can't fall for your own trick.
Also, you're sober.
- No, I, nah, I just want to check it out.
I was wondering, I thought
it was something else.
- The sounds fade.
You all
can, you know, you see Em heals
all of your wounds and injuries.
Em kisses you a kiss on the cheeks, Sofia.
She looks at you all and says,
well...
Pain is a part of healing.
And the things we've lost should hurt.
But it does not mean
that we are defeated or
that they will hurt forever.
And she reaches out and
touches your arm, Kingston.
Heals you.
And you see she gives you a
kiss on the cheek and says,
I better get back to my fountain.
These sacrifices are never made in vain.
All these people, you hear
celebration, confetti, yay!
Their lives are our
lives, and ours is theirs.
All intertwined together.
I think that's kinda beautiful.
And she, whew, flies away.
You see La Gran Gata
looks over at you, Sofie,
and goes,
well, I
have been away from the bodega
for long enough.
- Get back there!
- There
might be rats or c*ck!
- Ooh!
Save me a Little Debbie snack.
- I will
be sure to find a h*-h*s or—
- Buddy bar, actually.
- Oh!
- Yeah!
- Fun!
And La Gran Gata sneaks away.
Willy looks over at you all.
You see he looks over at you and says,
you know bud,
I'm not worried about New York.
You see that
he looks over to you and says,
I am going
to head over to Gramercy.
And he starts taking off.
The rest of you are in Times Square.
Esther is just holding
your hand, Ricky, she goes,
what happened to the questing blade?
- I gave it—
I gave it to—
- Those are incredibly rare and important,
they're so important!
- Yeah.
- They're so important!
- Oh well, I mean, someone
else has it that's pretty cool.
- There is a Holiday Inn
about three blocks from here.
- Sure, yeah!
- I stop both of them, like, okay, look,
you guys need to go somewhere
better than a Holiday Inn.
You've been waiting so long.
- You mean like a Howard Johnson or—
- That penthouse that we talked about!
- Absolutely!
- I actually have other
stuff I have to do,
so I won't be there.
- Yeah, 'cause you weren't invited.
So good thing you're letting us know—
- I wanted to make sure that you knew
that I was offering it
to you for you to stay in
and not all of us go there.
- I let you know that
I gave your husband my questing blade.
And I think he, I don't know.
- He probably really liked it.
- I think he—
- He loves f*cking sh*t up.
- I think he f*cked a lot of sh*t up.
- Thank you.
- You guys see, on the ground before you,
a little bronze crown,
dirty, grimy little crown on the ground,
and a little rusty staff.
- Aw my God, I pick it up!
I pick it up.
- Mm.
- What do you guys do?
You are victorious.
You see that the Golden Door is sealed,
Nod is restored.
You see the shattered time stone
at the center of Times
Square is being swept up,
and a shitty old phylactery
with Robert's final inscription
completely undone by Kugrash's sacrifice.
- I gotta be at work tomorrow at 10 AM,
so I'm gonna go home.
- Kingston?
- What?
- Go see Liz.
- Okay, fine!
Maybe, I don't know!
Anyway, we'll be—
- I cast Dominate Kingston and make him
f*cking go and fix his marriage!
- She's at your work, right?
- Yeah!
- Yes.
- That works out.
- I, okay, all right.
- Go wish her, go give
her a New Year's kiss.
- Okay, we just, it was
one good conversation.
It's a lot, there's a lot
of work, you know what?
- Mm-hmm.
- Great job, everybody.
It was real good.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna go find Wally.
- I'm gonna go with you,
I think I remember the video
that f*ck' Bob Moses showed me
where everyone hated me,
and Kugrash was the
only one that was like,
hey, maybe now, or led the charge on like,
Pete's fine, and I think I feel like
really sorrowful.
- Truthfully, I was planning
on dying in that fight
to be with Dale,
but now that Kug is gone,
I feel like Wally needs a buddy.
And I'm gonna train Wally to be a monk
and install him as the new Santa Claus.
- That's awesome.
- You also do see by the way
that Santa's bag and hat are both—
- I pick those up too because—
- Well, but Santa, there's
multiple Santas, though, right?
That was the premise of the—
- There are multiple Clauses.
- Clones only, but—
- There's only one true Santa Claus?
- He makes clones and there's
only one true Santa Claus.
- Wally's so pure hearted.
He would be such a good Santa.
- He would be great!
- Santa Claus?
- Everyone give me an arcana check.
- Great.
- 13.
- 19.
- 17.
Oh no, 19.
- 19?
The original St. Nicholas, of course
died a long, long time ago.
He was k*lled by the Catholic
Church during the dark ages
as a heretic.
- Uh-huh.
- Of course.
Oh wait, that doesn't make any sense,
he's Saint Nicholas.
Well, when they found out
that he had a workshop
full of elves, they
were like, that's no go,
you can't do that.
And then they later canonized him,
and it's a whole long
and involved process.
- Complicated.
- But yes, there have been
many, many Santa Clauses.
- Great.
- I think that this Santa Claus
happened to be a very
powerful sort of wizard
or sorcerer or something.
I think Wally's gonna need
some muscle around him
to keep him safe.
But I think he has the
heart to be Santa Claus.
- Yeah.
Can we stop by a Redbox on the way
and get every Will Ferrell movie ever made
and show up at Wally's house?
- And be like,
you got a new job,
let's watch some movies!
- Let's watch all the movies, man!
- Except for Bad Santa.
Don't show him that one.
- And I talk to Esther and like,
let's just make sure that his other son's
not a vampire anymore.
- Oh!
- That I have nothing to do—
- Remove Curse, I can try it.
- Cool, I
think you guys probably
all head to Forest Hills in that case.
'Cause Wally's there as well.
You guys, you see walking down the street,
going towards their house,
a sort of very sick looking David,
his wife, Diane, their
two kids, Matt and Delia,
and Wally going,
I think the
pancakes are better than IHOP,
personally, you ask me, it's the best—
- Wally—
- Of premium
chain restaurants, I like,
I think the pancakes are great.
The waffles aren't bad either!
- Hey Wally, hi!
Sofia Lee, I'm a good
friend of your dad's.
- Oh!
Oh, you're not, okay!
- Not her dog.
Not the dog.
Your dad.
- Which dog?
Dad?
- Your rat dad.
- You guys should hang out!
- This is, yeah, you're my best friend.
- You're my best friend!
What is it?
- Oh my God, we don't
want to have to do this.
Your dad—
- Graduated.
- Graduated to a different plane—
- Yeah, go college!
- Yeah, so he's gonna be gone for a while,
but we have a new thing
to work on you with.
Do you want a job?
A new job?
You get to do, I know you like being a,
I know you like driving the trains,
what about driving a sleigh?
- Whoa, on
rails it would break!
- No, through the sky!
- Okay!
- With the reindeer.
- Yeah.
- Try this hat on, it's
really warm and soft.
- Full beard sprouts from his face.
- Huh?
Oh.
- You're Santa.
- You're Santa now.
- Oh, okay, I'm Santa now.
Everyone's gotta sit on
my lap for Merry Christmas
to tell the presents they want to me.
- Yeah, and then one
day, you get to go out
and give 'em all the presents!
- Yup.
- Hmm.
I need a bag full of toys.
- Oh, we got that.
- We got a while to work
on the whole Santa act,
'cause it's not until next year.
- Now you're really high status!
- Oh yeah, also
is there a list somewhere?
I feel like I need my list.
- Okay, look buddy!
- One thing at a time,
one thing at a time.
- Here's your list—
- Did we just create the next villain?
- Yeah, oh I'm sure, he's really bossy.
- He goes, wow!
Okay.
- I Mindlink with him.
- You see that the hat is downloading
tremendous amounts of information
into his mind.
- Wait, is it making you smarter?
Is it making, can I do an insight check
to see if it's making him smarter?
Okay.
- I'll do an insight check.
- I want to know, because
that was Kug's dream
to awaken him.
- He's becoming wise and smart
and you see that he,
all this Christmas magic
is filling him,
but he's still very much Wally.
He's, it's not that it's making him smart,
it's still very much him.
But he has access to a lot of stuff
that he didn't have access to before.
- Yeah, I think that's
all Kug wanted for him.
- You see he goes,
Wow!
Christmas isn't a present, it's a feeling!
Gah!
- Hey Wally,
if you're gonna go to the store
and just pick up some essentials,
what's one thing that you would include?
- From the store?
- Yeah, like—
- String cheese.
- Okay.
Anything else like,
if you had to clean up a mess?
- Paper towel?
- Okay.
- All right.
Whoa!
- What?
- I gotta go to—
- Wait, no!
What?
- He forgot them last
time, that was David.
- All right, I tell you what.
I better get to the North Pole,
'cause it's almost gonna be Christmas
in 11 and a half months.
- Yeah!
Well, is there a North Pole?
- You see that David,
Diane, and Matt and Delia
are all looking at this going,
what is happening!
- What?
Oh, we should probably
fix the Umbral Arcana—
- I was just realizing that too.
- Can I try to remove,
do I have any spell slots back, maybe?
- Oh, we were healed, right?
- You're all healed,
but you haven't done a long rest yet.
- Can I do a medicine check on David?
- Yes you can.
- And just, what is it
gonna take to fix him.
- Can I do, if I get a nat 20,
can I have heal him from—
- Yeah, if you get a nat 20.
- Oh.
- A 22.
- Cool.
It'll take a Greater Restoration.
- Oh, all right.
Well, the Holy Detergent will
work tomorrow morning, so—
- Cool.
- Hey, you know how your
dad was talking about you,
how you got bit?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I can handle that.
Will you come down to St.
Owen's tomorrow morning?
- Sure, I have, I'm freelance,
so my insurance is through—
- It's all gonna be taken care of.
- Kug took care of it.
Your dad.
He's a good man.
- You see he looks and says,
you were all the people
that were friends with him
when he was a rat.
- Yeah, that's right.
We're his rat friends.
- We're all the adults who
were friends with the rat.
- Yeah.
- We were five adults,
human beings who were,
wanted to be friends with a rat.
- Sometimes we carry the rat
so that he could keep up with our stride.
- I picked him up on many occasions.
- Sometimes I would do his hair
and he would look like an ugly baby.
- They once ran a scheme
of chasing people out
and getting free drinks at bars.
- I'm just getting a
vision of a dancing baby.
- David, you need to know that,
I know that you had a tough
time with your dad and,
he really did love you so much.
And he really did regret
so much that he didn't
have a life with you.
- Blood, blood.
- Oh God, are you—
- That's very disturbing.
- It's a vampire spell.
- Do you want some eyedrops?
- Also I want you to feel like you can cry
'cause it's important.
- Mm-hmm.
- You're just telling me it was,
you did tell me it was upsetting
that I was doing it.
- It's just, you
probably, oh you can't see
you're actually bleeding whenever you cry.
- Oh sh*t, oh sh*t.
- I sent you the Wikipedia page
for just what vampires are by the way.
Just sort of general knowledge on—
- You see Esther shakes her head.
You see that David says,
I'll stop by tomorrow, I'm
gonna take my family inside,
we've had a long day.
- I feel that.
- You see he says,
and you said, my dad is, where is he?
- He's everywhere.
- He's graduated.
- So he can, he's here.
He's looking out on you.
He can see you and he
knows what's going on.
- He made a huge sacrifice
to stop Robert Moses, and in doing so
sort of traded his corporeal form
for Robert Moses's future.
- Am I able to Mindlink
if I can communicate
with a willing creature?
- Yeah.
I think so.
- Can I open up a Mindlink
for Kugrash to talk to David?
- Yes, you can.
- Imagine I'm repeating everything
but you can just talk.
- Yeah, you open a Mindlink,
and Kugrash, you're wild, you're like,
you can remember yourself,
but you're also
remembering everybody else,
you're, I mean, this externalized,
infinite consciousness.
It's trippy.
But there's still a
part of you that's you.
You hear, dad?
- Hey, hey David.
I'm in a crazy, I'm
becoming one with the world.
It's f*ck' nuts.
- That sounds f*ck' crazy.
- It's f*ck' kinda awesome.
- Well, sh*t dad, I guess you're what,
you're like f*ck' some bhodisattva,
you're like enlightened or something?
- Yeah, I'm like f*ck' going back
and like, reincarnated or
f*ck' somethin', man.
I'm becoming part of the Earth,
becoming part of New York.
- Well,
sh*t.
Well, I guess since
you're part of New York,
then you will be around.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Love you, dad.
- Love you, David.
Look out for Wally.
Although he's Santa now, so—
He'll probably be good.
- The Mindlink is separated.
You see Wally goes,
wow, well okay,
I better, I'm gonna go let the MTA know,
I'm gonna give 'em my two weeks,
I'm gonna do the next two weeks
driving the trains as Santa.
And then I'm gonna move to the North Pole.
- In the first two weeks of January,
you're gonna be dressed
as Santa driving the MTA?
- Hang on Wally.
New York is an at will state.
That means that you can quit at any time,
you actually don't need
to give two weeks' notice.
- I understand, but
the MTA's done right by me,
so it's more of a moral than an,
but I appreciate your knowledge
of New York's complex labor laws.
- You know what?
As an actor, it's
important to know, you know
to have your own back, your own manager.
- Nobody else
is gonna stand up for you,
you gotta stand up for yourself.
- Exactly.
That's New York City, baby.
- And to all a good night!
The wind blasts off.
David walks inside, Wally
heads back to his apartment
as the news—
- That train that he's
driving for the next two weeks
is gonna be the b*mb.
- You guys tell me what you do.
As the battle ends and New York is saved.
What happens you guys, I guess go,
that's Ricky and Esther go to, I guess,
this nicer hotel!
- Awesome.
- Awesome, what does Sofia do that night?
- Hmm, I don't know.
Does anyone want to hang out?
I'm not really ready to stop hanging out.
- I have to start looking for
a place to live and a job.
- Well you know, you
could always stay at the
Order of the Concrete Fist.
- Really?
- Yeah!
- Okay.
- Yeah, we can pimp you
out a nice room, yeah.
- Again, it is in Staten Island.
- It's, yeah.
- Oh, is it?
- Yeah!
- I think Wally's apartment still exists.
- Oh, that's so, oh.
Actually, I did actually just remember
that I did have something
else that I had to do.
I'm so sorry.
We can hang out here,
though, before you head back.
- Yeah, I think I'm not
gonna go home tonight.
- I'm gonna go check in with my people,
I sort of have realized,
I lived kind of adrift
for a few hundred years
and even, I feel like I
need a bit more of a base
and then I'm gonna re-establish my—
- Hell yeah.
- Relationship.
- Yes.
You go find your people
victorious in battle against the vampires,
and the fairies moving in from the north,
and the Order of the Concrete
Fist coming in from the South
made short work of these vampires.
- I'm gonna go to the
Gramercy Occult Society
and use a ritualistic
Commune With the City
as well as devices there
to try and track down
Ana and Amelia.
- Actually, that would be
a great place to party.
You want to just go to the Order of the—
- We don't, we have business.
No, we're not going—
- Kingston, you find Ana and Amelia,
you Commune With the City.
You find them, they've
been wounded and bitten,
they're unconscious, but stable.
- Mm-hmm.
- You bring them back to the Order.
- Great.
- And then, you know,
I assume that night you
guys all go to rest,
you're with your fairy court.
Well, there's a lot of
stuff to happen here.
But you guys want to do something wild?
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
- Let's do something wild.
It is a hot, sticky, sweaty,
funky, gross New York summer.
It is like mid-August,
hot, hot out here.
What is going on in the
lives of our dear heroes?
I'll tell you what the NPCs
closest to you are doing.
Sofie, your mom, which
no woman in her family
in her generation's ever
done, divorces your father,
and asks if you would like
to, for the time being
while you get back up on
your feet, move in together.
- I'm actually, I want to
say that I offered to Jackson
to take over, he made some joke about
how he should have retired,
and I wanted to offer
to take over.
- Jackson accepts.
- Okay, so yeah.
I bring my mom in, though
I want to train her
to be a monk and get
that divorce body going.
- Divorce body?
- Sofia, this is, this is
better than the Jazzercise,
this is nice.
- I know.
'Cause it's real, it's functional.
You know, you're building
functional muscles
that you can use.
And then I also want
to have opened a school
in the Order of the
Concrete Fists for rats
in honor of Kugrash.
So I want to have a little
training center for rats.
- Beautiful.
- Is this how Master Splinter came to be?
- Yeah!
- There's a lovely evening,
you have your mom staying
with you at the Order,
you're looking out over Staten Island
as the new leader of the
Order, the chosen one.
- I got a picture of Dale,
I'm like, Dale, I'm coming for you.
I thought I was gonna stay
with you on New Year's Eve,
but I got business here,
and I gotta do right by
my fallen friends and all.
I'll be there when I can.
- Ricky, you're firefighting,
you're doing your thing.
Ana and Amelia now are both vampires.
But they're cool with it.
There's plenty of stuff that
they can do to, you know,
keep their thing going,
and Esther is the new head of
the Gramercy Occult Society.
- I think Ricky
quits being a firefighter.
- Whoa!
- And instead has a homeless,
starts a homeless outreach
program in honor of Kugrash.
- Aww!
- Oh my God!
- Just starts running
around, giving people food.
- And now you're triple viral.
Like this hot guy running and—
- Ox is holding my bag of food.
- Yes, you have put down the blade
and taken up the mantle
of someone who heals
and restores and helps people.
- Yeah.
I'm still cut, I'm just still really cut.
- You're still extremely cut.
You and Esther are very happily
dating, six months later.
And she also now has coupled the work
of the Gramercy Occult Society,
and now with the help
of the Vox Phantasma,
and the Tompkins Square Witches Coven,
begin to finally finish
the work of mapping
all of the magical realms
adjacent to New York City.
- I also want to make sure that,
as part of my thing, as being the
working with the Concrete
Fist is I'm working
directly with everyone.
- Mm-hmm.
- Like you know, setting up new bridges.
- New bridges, not remote, you're involved
in sh*t going on.
You're not standing against dream.
- Yeah.
- The relationship between dream and Nod
and the waking world
has never been better,
for the first time in history,
the two Voxes are here at the same time.
Six months later, Kingston's
still working at the hospital?
- Of course.
Yeah, I think I'm still
working at the hospital.
I don't think so much
changes for Kingston,
I think still working at the hospital.
I think Liz and I spent Sundays together.
- Wow!
- It's not like a—
- Full arm distance away!
- No, it's not—
- Sundays?
- Taking it slow, you know?
There's a lot of emotions flying around.
We're two 55 year old people,
we've lived long lives.
I mean, you don't divorce somebody
and then be like, f*ck
it, we're back, you know?
It's a process.
- Liz comes by with coffee on a Sunday
while you're at the hospital
and you guys take a lovely
walk by the Hudson River
and catch up.
- And I now have a dog,
it's just a real mutt named Bruce.
- Aww!
- Three legs, two teeth.
- Yeah.
What a sweetheart!
She scratches his chin as
you guys walk along together.
Very happy, and you give
Bruce a very good home.
- What does Rowan get up to?
Six months later, she's probably working—
- I mean, yeah.
She's trying to form a stable government
of the fair folk in New York City.
- Very hard to do.
- Very complicated, a lot of factions.
She's also doing some open mics.
- Wow!
- It's like she's starting fresh.
- Starting fresh.
A lot of people are like,
I can't believe that you're
not repped, that's crazy!
- Oh my God, yeah, no,
I mean, I just got here.
- Amazing.
- Well thank, I don't know, you know?
If you, you know, I would love for
some commercial representation
or, yeah, whatever.
- I have a friend, let me
actually reach out to somebody—
- Yeah, thank you so much!
- I'm gonna, I'd love to
pass along your information.
- That's so sweet.
And then I'm also,
once a week I mean, I
go and do some workshops
with Ricky's, the people
that Ricky is helping out.
- Beautiful.
- Again, in honor of Kugrash
and just trying to give people,
it's like, I don't know
how much skills I have
to help these people,
but this is something
that I feel like I can do
is giving people the confidence to—
- Wonderful, a busy life,
and Rowan, of all your
incarnations feels like the one
that has grounded herself the most
in the business of the city.
And with your fae court
here begin to shape this
into someplace new.
What do you get your silver,
I'll let you think about what you get
your silver bouillon shaped into.
- Oh, I know what I'd get it shaped into.
- What do you get?
- I would like for it to
be shaped into a flag pin.
- A little flag pin!
A beautiful, silver flag pin.
And you walk in New York.
- And it's an American flag,
but with the same colors of
the Order of the Concrete Fist,
so instead of red, white, and blue,
it's the gold and purple.
- Yeah!
- To represent both the magical,
but also the American Dream.
- Beautiful.
Lovely little pin.
What's, six months
later, what's Pete doing?
- Okay, so I think Pete
got 53V3N to buy him out
of the drug trade,
'cause he absolutely
could not do it anymore.
But I think 53V3N paid
him in cryptocurrency
and it was all Etherium.
And it was worth a sh*t ton of money,
but it fully tanked, so I think—
Pete works a normal job at the bookstore.
But I think Pete, when
he had a ton of crypto,
launched almost a shitty Banksy style
secret artist.
Just so that he could talk to Priya
and hear her go, be so mad
that there's this new artist
on the scene that nobody knows about.
And it's Pete just doing like,
what is the most lame thing I could do,
and doing it and watching
people erupt over it.
- Incredible.
You work at a dope little,
it's like a second hand bookstore.
They have a thing where kids can just come
and take books from the shelf.
- Cool, yeah yeah yeah.
- You have your,
you have some very chill friends there.
And as you sort of put up residence there,
the money's not great,
but you have a dope little
portal to dreams here,
and it's right around the corner
from Kingston's neck of the woods.
And any of the kids that
are a little bit dreamy
and need a portal to somewhere to get away
to find something that
they've always wished for,
can find it in your bookstore.
And it's super chill.
David comes by the hospital, is healed,
and over the next couple months
keeps writing letters to dad,
because he knows that they
will be seen this time.
And takes his family
as well as Santa Claus.
He takes his family as
well as Santa Claus—
- Santa Wally.
- Out to the ball game,
and every time he does,
he buys an extra seat.
- Oh my God.
- Can I also say that,
as a little thing on the side,
I'm like, just making sure
that everything's going okay
with the Santa thing, like—
- Oh yes.
- I kind of can be like
the stand-in Mrs. Claus,
make sure everything's
running according to plan.
- Absolutely,
- Okay, cool.
- Your mom becomes Mrs. Claus.
- Oh my God.
- No, would Wally want to be married—
- Let's set up your
mom and Wally!
- Oh my God.
- One time when I'm at the North Pole,
I root around to find a Mrs. Claus hat,
do I find one?
- Yes, you find a Mrs. Claus hat.
- I put it on my mom's head.
- Well, this is horrifying!
- Oh!
- Look at those rosy cheeks!
- Very rosy cheeks.
Incredible.
Truly, truly insane.
- I'm also making sure that
Kingston is having some fun.
- I think Kingston—
- I now text GIFs to the group.
But they're all the same,
they're all the same one.
- The d*ck Van d*ke Show gif.
- They're all a bunch of
I Love Lucy and like—
- That one chocolate eating
moment on the conveyor belt.
- Oh, one question.
So Pete is now just a,
now you're just doing kind of the job
of the Vox Phantasma,
what do you do, so Nod is always welcome
to have you come, hang out at the diner,
come hang out in dream land all you want.
You're, what do you do with your dad?
- I think I visit my dad in Nod a lot.
- Mm-hmm?
- Yeah, I go to Nod,
and I hang out with him and I'm like,
that's really cool that
you're so open minded now.
- It's hard not to be,
everything I've seen has
been the strangest thing
ever than the thing even right before it,
just a moment before it.
- That's so cool.
But also, you know, I mean, you
saw these sexual travesties.
Are you okay?
I make sure that he's cool.
- Even some of the stuff
that wasn't sexual,
I saw Jesus Christ come in
and tell me that he's
been lying to everyone
and he didn't forgive everybody's sin,
and had some, he shot himself.
- Whoa, that's,
okay.
I think I'm working with him
on how to show your emotions, how to—
- Is everything here real?
Because if I can imagine it then it's—
- None of it's real.
It's all very real and
all very not real, so.
- Okay.
- You know what they say about dreams,
it's not really what happens,
but it's your reaction to it
and how you feel,
that's what you should pay attention to.
- Cool, cool cool.
Cool, cool.
Do mom and your siblings
know that I'm here?
- I can tell them, I think.
Is there a way for me to
get my dad out of Nod,
or he's dead?
- No, he's not dead.
- Oh, I take him back—
I'm visiting him for four months,
and then that's when I finally ask Nod,
can he just leave?
- Nod's like, oh I assumed you wanted him
to be here forever.
- Oh no.
- You bring your dad—
- Awkward!
- Your dad appears back in his clothes,
but you see he's like,
extremely changed,
he goes,
that was a very jarring way
for something to happen
that I'm glad happened.
- Yeah.
Some powerful medicine.
- I'm gonna let my
family know I'm not dead,
'cause I've been missing for months.
- Very cool.
- You're a good kid, Pete.
- Thanks.
- I'll be back sometime
because I'm never gonna be normal again.
- Mm-hmm.
- And that's okay.
- Yeah, totally.
I would agree.
- Okay.
I'm gonna get, I'm going to go,
I'm going to get out of here.
I'm gonna—
- I'll go back with you.
I go, I take a trip up with my dad.
- You take a trip back home,
your dad, you know,
introduces you to everyone
as his, Pete's come home for a visit.
And we're gonna make it
a great f*ck' visit.
- Cool.
- And your dad ruins a lot of conversation
with a lot of crazy sh*t
that he didn't used to know.
- Cool.
- The other things, the Sardinian Eagle
ends up La Gran Gata's bodega.
- Oh, don't lick at that.
No.
- Why?
- Just, ah—
- It tastes very interesting.
- It's been in a man's as*h*le.
- Okay.
- Oh wait.
Cool.
You do you.
- And the last scene we'll leave off on,
you are giving chinny
scratches to La Gran Gata
in your beautiful monastery.
A wonderful day of the Order
and the Occult Society,
Esther and you get coffee all the time.
Em is kind of busy these days,
but Esther, you get coffee all the time.
Esther's now got a key to Gramercy Park,
which is pretty wild.
- Oh, I thought you were going
to say to Ricky's apartment.
Oh my God.
- She definitely has,
I feel like Ricky
immediately gives her a key.
He already had one made.
- Just for, you know, just to keep.
Just to have.
- Just to use to come to come in and out.
- You look out, and you look down.
You know, the Order, the Occult Society,
the Vox Phantasma's got
this dope sorcerer's sanctum
in this old magic bookshop,
and the Vox Populi reigns
over and tends to his city.
And the new fae court is here,
New York's never been more thriving.
You look down and see
a little group of deer
in the little woods of Staten Island
move into some back yards.
And you suddenly hear,
and you turn.
And a winged Dale, thick black eye,
bloody nose,
holding a questing blade says,
I saw the deer.
They only have a couple minutes,
but I wanted to come
and watch them with you.
- Yeah.
- He kisses you,
puts his ripped arm around your body.
- Did you get even,
did you get even beefier up there?
- I think it's the blade,
it's honestly kind of fascinating.
- I love that you're kicking a*s up there.
- I was, the angels were too much for me.
And then Ricky gave me this,
and now I can get out
kind of whenever I want,
and they, they're
understanding, they get it.
- Well—
- Oh look, look at the
little one, look at it!
- I know.
That one, he just came along,
I think she had 'em
maybe three months ago.
- Oh my God!
I also wanted to ask,
because we missed this last April,
but there's actually a lot
of stuff that we can file for
with the monastery if you're working
with the Occult Society,
'cause the Occult Society
can apply for grants,
that's actually, so, and they're taxes,
we can actually—
- Did you beat up a bunch of angels
to come give me tax advice?
- I just want everything
in your life to be easy.
- Well,
well, you're helping.
Tell me the tax advice.
- Okay, it's a lot of interesting stuff.
- Aww!
- And we go away from the monastery,
over the city of New York,
and a spiral of wind,
and Kugrash's spirit
watching over his city,
and his friends,
as a little hairy baby
dances on the breeze.
And honestly, if that's not New York,
I don't know what is.
That's been The Unsleeping City.
Thank you all so much for tuning in.
Take care!
- If that's not New York City,
I don't know what is!
A little hairy dancing baby!
- Dancing on the wind.
- Only in New York, baby!
- Thimble Lane was full
of tiny little people,
who lived in the walls
and in the yard and beyond.
Fairies and mice and
bugs and talking toys.
A little world
that I'm afraid
might be less whimsical
than a child would first imagine.
- Who are you talking to?
- The audience at home?
- Oh my God, they're filming!
Hi, I'm Justin McElroy!
- What belongs to me
is my business.
And all the other toys in the house
were smart enough to follow suit.
- We all have reasons for being here.
- Yes!
I have a lot of body.
- If I get sucked into a fan and exploded,
you'll know what happens.
- I have a story in me
that's gotta come out.
- If I need a compliment,
I'll look in the mirror, okay?
- Can I jam the cameras with
an electromagnetic force?
- Can you make up a
bunch of bullshit magic
in the middle of the heist?
- Roll of quarters.
That's our in.
- Quarters that could go
in the vending machine?
- Not just one or two or three,
a whole roll of quarters.
- This job is gonna involve explosions.
Flips.
- Oh hey!
- And maybe space?
- Yes!
- You never know!
- Tiny Heist.
A world of big crimes
and small people.
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03x17 - Times Squaremageddon Pt. 2
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.