- Robert Moses didn't
try to play Fairy in Hell
against each other,
he successfully played Fairy
in Hell against each other.
- Wait, so he has everything now, right?
- Sinatra's Law, the Imperial Axiom.
If you can make it here...
- You can make it anywhere.
You appear to David.
- You don't have to
forgive me, but I'm sorry.
- I don't have to forgive you?
Well, that's nice to hear.
Have a nice rest of your
life, you f*ck' rat.
My family's been cursed.
- We're gonna find a way
to get rid of that curse.
- You think people make choices?
- I do.
- The big choices already
got made for them.
- Well, Mr. Moses, how about this?
You have a choice.
Where you can leave this city.
And I will not come for you.
- You rush to St. Owen's,
you see Liz in traction
on life support.
The eagle got back to me!
There's a spell happening tonight
at the stock exchange!
Welcome, one and all
to another exciting episode
of The Unsleeping City!
Robert Moses, King of the Undead,
wheeler and dealer,
mastermind of the highway hex is here,
concocting a ritual on the
floor of the den of evil itself,
the New York Stock Exchange!
Pete, you feel that infection
deep in the heart of this place,
wum-wum-wum-wum-wum.
- Of course!
- You have called out to each other,
you have said what needed to be said,
and it is going to be Kugrash
as the first to act.
- We're missing Rowan.
- Oh, Rowan, that's right!
- Has anyone seen Rowan, I—
- Rowan does dash in.
- Oh my goodness!
- Wow, look at her!
- So spritely!
- Look at that.
- Let me see!
- I haven't changed any of my outfits,
I'm just young and hot now.
- Wow.
- Cool!
- Young—
- They were both wearing hats!
We're the only two wearing
hats, that's so crazy!
- Uh-oh, uh-oh!
- Uh-oh!
No!
- Oh no.
We begin!
Kugrash, you are first to act, my friend.
- All right.
So I've got my fire elemental here
that I had summoned on the way over,
I have my new watch, gives me haste,
it doesn't say if it
uses an action to use—
- It does not use an action,
but it only lasts for one round.
So it's a free round where
you have haste on you.
- Oh, interesting, okay.
Then I might save it for now.
I think Kugrash—
- The old rat with his
huge, chunky Rolex—
- I'm gonna summon the
juiciest c*ck I know,
c*ck!
I summon thee!
- Come on!
- What, it's my name in the c*ck!
c*ck!
- Oh!
- You have to understand
what that sounds like.
- Hi
there, hey there, Kugrash!
Where does this little—
- He's coming just to
give everybody some HP.
- Get the f*ck away from me.
- So much now, right?
- Thank you, Pete, now you understand.
- How much HP does everybody gain?
- So it is nine, five plus my druid level,
so 14.
- And then, if I leave
this, do I still get it?
- Yes.
- Hey.
- Are there any other benefits to staying
in the aura of the juicy c*ck?
- It'll give you advantage
on strength throws,
but that's not really as important.
And then I'm going to use my crown
to summon rats.
- Incredible.
- It's 14?
We got 14 hit points?
- Yes.
- Yeah!
- That's amazing.
- I'm at 99.
- I'm at 93!
- A c*ck that makes you stronger.
- Ugh!
- Place them wherever,
wheresoever you like.
- That's pretty good.
- I'll do—
- What are you at?
- 108.
- Woo!
- Oh, you f*ck!
- I'm at 88, but I love to get hurt.
- Yeah, me and Sofia are on 88.
- I'll have them
kind of jamming up that—
- So
he is a full masochist?
Please hurt me!
- Beat me up, daddy!
- Harm me, I want to get hurt.
- I'm gonna sh**t you in the leg.
- Remember, Ox gains those as well.
- I wrote that down.
That over doubles Ox.
- Oh sweet.
Oh yeah, and also give
it to my fire elemental.
- My man, you got four rats out?
- Yes.
- You see, yeah, Kugrash,
you go in to the Stock Exchange,
you were a different man
the last time you were here.
In fact, you're not a
man at all any longer,
you're a f*ck' rat!
And whoom, fire, rats, c*ck,
the f*ck' filth of New York springs
into the Stock Exchange,
all of your rats and the c*ck all go,
ugh, this place feels f*ck' gross.
- We're gonna burn it down!
Return it to the earth!
- Smells like cocaine and piss
and Axe Body Spray in here,
it's f*ck' awful.
To arms, to arms, brothers!
- Yes!
- Great.
So you—
- Can I run forward and I don't want
to break my concentration on this guy,
so I don't want to get hit,
so I want to, can I hop in
one of these little guys?
- Yeah, go ahead and hop in!
- I want to hide in there.
So that should, I'm in there.
- Cool, dope.
Wonderful.
That is going to be,
see Moses says,
all right.
Let's cut it out, shall we?
Kiosks around the trade floor
begin to change and morph—
- Did I tell you, I was like,
oh God, what are you doing?
- Too fast for my own good.
- It felt like this.
- Same, I was like,
it's the only thing to switch.
- Oops.
- Jesus.
- They go.
- Are those vampires and robots?
- Yep, those are vampires
piloting kiosk mechs
of stock floor trading
stuff, with a little—
- Incredible, but I'm so mad.
- I think it's great.
I cannot wait to be hurt by them.
Finally, an honorable foe!
- You see that one of them says,
oh boy, get a load of this,
a bunch of humanities majors
coming in and telling us
how we should run our arcane dark ritual.
These guys rush over here.
Boom, boom.
These guys are actually just going
to close with the rats here.
Awesome.
That's going to be...
- Does the fire elemental
go on my turn, or—
- The fire elemental goes on your turn,
so you want the fire
elemental to go, it can.
Oh, I thought you were done
with your turn, I'm sorry.
- Oh sorry, I yeah, I'd like
the fire elemental I guess
to attack one of these guys.
- Yeah, go for it,
have the fire elemental attack one of 'em.
- Sweet.
He gets two attacks.
going to do anything.
- Nope.
- 10 to hit.
- Nope.
- It's got a plus six, I'm just doing bad!
- Awesome.
These vampires are gonna go for,
one is coming for Sofia.
- Bring it on!
- That's gonna be a miss,
one goes for Ricky.
That's gonna be a miss as well.
All right.
That is now going to be,
and then the vampires are
gonna go for the rats.
- Oh no.
- What are the rats' AC?
- 10.
- Come on, rats!
- They didn't get juicy c*ck?
Oh, that's not AC, all right.
- Cool.
Your first rat swarm takes
seven points of damage.
- Okay.
- Next one takes nine points of damage.
- Oh, okay.
- Also, I don't believe that
swarms can be grappled, right?
- No, they can't.
Immune grapple, yeah.
- Cool.
Yeah, the vampire just starts
slogging through those two swarms of rats.
That's going to be Sofia.
- Okay.
I am going to just jump
all the way there.
I'm gonna use my entire action
and a ki point Step of the Wind,
and with the help of my Louboutins,
I will soar through the air.
- You're welcome, guys.
I stopped doing drugs, so I
had a sh*t ton of extra money.
- Oh, thank you.
- I bought you all luxury items.
- Thank you so much!
- You bought me a Maserati?
- Yeah, dude, I knew you'd love it.
- Drugs are so expensive!
I have literally never bought them
every time I've taken them.
- Really?
- Do you have Otherworldly
Leap active now or not?
- I do not.
But it is still, I calculated it,
and it's under—
- Your long jump with
just Step of the Wind
and the magic boots is
which should be able to reach.
- Oh, I thought it was 90-something.
- No.
I got the calculator up right here.
So it's 78,
which is about, we'll
just round that up to 80.
So, but,
you can also run and take a running start,
'cause your movement with Step of the Wind
and using your action will
be enough to get there
and jump up.
However, one of them is going to take
an attack of opportunity on you.
- Bring it on, come on!
Get it, would now be the time
that I would have to throw up Shield?
- Now would be the time
before I announce it
that you have to throw up Shield.
- Yeah, I'm gonna throw up Shield,
I want to get over there,
and if he grapples me,
that's gonna f*ck with me.
- Does a 24 still hit you?
- Yeah, it does.
I think it's 24.
- One of them reaches out,
doesn't deal any damage,
but grapples you and brings
your movement to zero.
- Ugh!
m*therf*cker, now I'm pissed!
- So this vampire doesn't deal any damage,
grapples you, moves you to zero,
but you still have your action.
- All right, I'm gonna f*ck' attack him.
You little f*ck' as*h*le.
- How do, oh sorry.
- Cool.
- What do I have, what do I have?
What do I have, think!
Okay.
Aw, does a 17 hit, no, 18 hit?
- An eight—
- No, I'm sorry!
- 15.
A 15 does not hit.
- What about my backslam?
No, I used my bonus action.
Oh, all right.
- But you do, you can
use both attacks on him.
- Oh right duh!
- Because you do
have extra attack, yeah.
- Whoo!
That also doesn't hit.
Okay, I just go limp.
- You see that you go—
You go to jump, and this huge,
claw grabs you.
Oh, no, no, no, I'm sorry.
We're not gonna be interrupted,
we're conducting a big ritual right now.
Sorry about that.
- Okay, if you're gonna at least,
if you're going to stop me,
could you at least do damage,
because I'd like to get
below 10 hit points.
- Oh, we'll do damage.
- Thanks.
- You see—
- Oh.
- Cool.
That's Sofia.
The vampires are gonna go again.
- What?
- Yipes.
- The one that's got you there, Sofia,
is going to attack.
Miss.
- I thought you said you
were going to do damage.
- I'm tired, I'm having a hard time!
One of them, so this one's
got you right now, Sofia.
- He's essentially just holding me
as I try to run away.
- As you try to run away, exactly.
- Pushing against your forehead as...
- These guys take another swing
and deal, this time nine points
to the first rat swarm that was injured.
- Okay.
- Other one misses the other rat swarm.
And then one's gonna go for Ricky.
And is going to miss Ricky again.
- Dope.
- Cool.
That's going to now be Pete.
- Oh, wait a second!
When he, oh, are there any guys
within five feet of him?
Goddammit, no.
Nevermind.
- I'm gonna run.
- Cool.
- What do I get as a normal move again?
Six?
- Six, yeah.
- Yeah.
One, two...
- Be careful, Pete!
- Five, six.
And then I'm going to
cast Vitriolic Sphere on Bob Moses.
- Hell yeah.
- So there, that's not a roll or anything.
- Cool, range, yeah.
You just do it.
Awesome.
So yeah.
Each one in the room has to
make a dexterity saving throw.
Buh-buh-buh-buh.
Wild.
Cool, go ahead and roll damage.
- Yeah, did he save, or do
I roll the damage first?
- On failed save,
So he's gonna roll the save.
- Can I use everyone's d4s, I need 10.
- Wow.
- sh*t.
- Yeah, baby.
Purple and pink are so—
- Do you need more?
- He does save.
- Come on, purple and pink!
Get them fours!
Come on.
- Let's see how our kids do.
- Oh, this is 10, perfect, all right.
- Let's go, let's go.
- Make mama proud.
Make mama proud.
Okay, one of them says three.
- Okay, we got a three.
Four.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine, 10.
So he takes 12.
- Hell yeah.
- But does that stop any sort of,
is he in concentration or—
- So he takes 12, he's gonna
roll a concentration check.
Which he succeeds.
- Can I make an insight check
to see what is going on with
this blood on the ground?
- Sure, absolutely.
- Cool, okay, yeah.
That is a lot.
- You look at it,
what would it be if it was
an arcana check, just asking.
- Oh cool.
Also 20.
- Also 20.
You look at it,
there is insane money
magic happening here.
All these symbols are currency symbols
drawn in blood on the floor,
and you see that he is
calling the infection
that is tapping into the Golden Door
and he is unable to enter the dream realm,
but is casting magic through this web
in the dream realm,
though he cannot enter it.
- Cool.
And the cantrip isn't
a bonus action, right?
That would be a full action.
- No, some cantrips are, but
it will say on the cantrip—
- Okay, cool, awesome.
Thanks, everybody.
These look so cool.
- Right?
- We have great dice.
- Hell yeah.
Pete, go ahead and give
me a Wild Magic roll.
- Oh yeah, f*ck.
- Cool.
- These are...
- I'll pass them on.
- Grab yours.
- Kingston, that's going to be you.
- Okay, my man.
How electric are, yeah.
How electronic do these mechs look?
- They look pretty f*cking electric.
- I'd like to cast a fifth
level shutdown spell.
- Oh!
- And so all electronic devices not in use
will shut down and I believe
each one of these mechs
will have to make,
anything that's not in
use will get shut down.
- These can't be turned into them.
- And then these four dudes will all make
constitution saving throws,
and if they succeed, I
think they prevent it.
But if they don't, their electronic device
will be shut down and cannot be restarted.
- f*ck yeah.
- Is this like a sleep spell, almost?
- Holy sh*t, no there's,
they can do constitution
saves to try and avoid it,
but Kingston, this is some
powerful f*cking magic.
- Level five!
- Five!
- Incredible.
What is Kingston's step up,
'cause you are f*ck', you
just called out Robert Moses.
- Yeah, I step forward, I say,
you stupid m*therf*cker!
- Yeah!
- You come for my family!
You come for my friends!
I will f*ck' drop you,
and anyone you attempt to bring at me,
and then I just slam my
f*ck' fists on the ground.
- You guys hear the roar of crowds
from all over the city
as New Year's Eve celebrations
lend all of their power
and,
all of these kiosks that were on,
the screens f*cking blow out
and they shut down.
The only things that get a roll
are Moses and the tickers up here,
and these four here.
- Oh my God.
- So I'm gonna roll for them.
- I hope my guy f*ck up!
- Buh-buh-buh,
so this is a constitution
saving throw against a DC17.
- Did anyone else notice
that Kingston called us his friends?
- Yeah!
And I was so happy.
- Okay.
You see Kingston,
you burn through with
holy power of this city,
this one dodges behind a kiosk,
all of the rest, vampires,
go ahead actually and make
a religion check for me.
- Dut-dut-doo, only seven.
- Mm-hmm.
Cool.
You're not sure exactly
what you're seeing,
but you see that these undead,
undead are creatures more
so than fiends or celestials
or fae or anybody,
undead are creatures of pure willpower.
By the strength of their will alone,
they cling to life after death.
They have a pool,
an extremely limited pool of times
where they can burn through
some of that willpower
to straight up just
resist magical effects.
You see that three of these
have to dig deep into that pool of stuff
that's literally keeping them alive
to prevent your spell from working.
None of the mechs shut down,
all of them have used a vital resource
to prevent that from happening.
I'm gonna roll for Robert Moses,
'cause this range on this
spell is f*cking crazy.
Does he, no, he doesn't
get advantage on this.
Okay.
Okay.
- Wait, does that mean that
Robert Moses is mechanical?
- No, it means that he's
protecting this spell
up here on the ticker.
He successfully does that,
he does not burn up
some of his resistance.
That is your action, are
you taking any moves?
- Yeah, I'll move up just behind Pete.
- Okay.
Wild.
That was extreme,
I know that feels like
they're still active,
but the thing that they've burned up
is incredibly valuable.
That is now going to be...
Mr. Moses.
You see that Robert looks out and says,
as I call upon the names
of those that have passed,
and the power given to me
of life and death,
and you see that
all of the money figures on the tickers
begin to go up and down, up and down,
you see that he goes,
neither heaven nor hell
can claim me.
And he pulls
Santa's list out of his coat,
and whoom, it glows,
and then he just discards
it casually to the floor,
no longer needing it.
He also casts a spell on himself,
anyone's welcome to make an
arcana check if they'd like.
- I would like to cast
Counterspell on him.
- You are not in range.
- Damn!
- 16.
- Oh!
- 16.
- I got a...
- I'll do an arcana check.
- What was it, arcana?
- 11.
- Five.
- 17.
Just a flat 17, I—
- A flat 17, you got a 16.
You remember this from one
of the phantasma memories
from the Metropolitan Museum of Memories.
He's casting a powerful
anti-magic spell on himself.
Like, big whammy anti-magic stuff
that's almost like a force field or bubble
through which magic cannot pass on him.
Ricky, you recognize this from the night
you were flirting with Esther
and looking at magic books,
it's called a Globe of Invulnerability.
- Guys, I think this is the
Globe of Invulnerability.
- What does that mean?
What?
- Awesome.
- Nothing can get, uh!
- It's probably gonna be
really hard to get to him
or something.
- I'm gonna sh**t him.
- Yeah, we should just f*ck him up.
- Cool.
That's going to be Ricky.
- Okay.
- Oh sorry, no, no, no.
That was Robert, that's right,
that's going to be Rowan.
- Wonderful.
So this Locate Creature is still running,
can I figure out who one
of these vampires is,
dismiss the spell, and then
cast a different spell,
or is that—
- Sure, yeah, absolutely.
- Great.
So I would like to figure out
which one of these people—
- The Locate Creature was cast
by this vampire over here.
- Okay, great.
So I let Kingston know,
hey Kingston, it's the one to your left.
That's the guy you want to f*ck up.
- Thank you.
- We both look at each other like...
- And then how large would
you say these kiosks were?
Object-wise, would you
say that they were large?
- I would say that they were large, yes.
- Great.
So I would like to cast animate objects.
So I can do 10 objects.
But it's 10 tiny objects
and each large object
counts as four objects,
so I can get two of them.
So what I would like to do is,
I would like to Misty Step up to here.
- Okay.
You're not going to be able
to cast two spells in a
round if you Misty Step.
- f*ck, you're right, sh*t.
- Climb.
- I definitely can't climb.
- I could give you a hand.
- No.
- Okay, Pete.
- All right, Pete, calm down.
- Head in the game, Pete!
- I would give anyone a hand!
- Thanks, Pete!
- You're welcome.
- How far away is that bell up there?
That cute, tiny little bell?
- That cute, tiny little bell?
That's probably 150 feet
away, or something like that.
- Great, so,
I'm gonna f*ck' risk the
attack of opportunity on me
from this guy coming.
- He's grappling someone, though.
- Oh yeah, he's already grappling Sofia,
so he can't grapple a
second person, right?
- He actually can, well,
do what you're gonna do.
- Great, well, I'm gonna run
so that I'm within 120 feet of the bell.
- Yes.
Although Sofia, he actually, no.
He's actually already
used his reaction to—
- Great.
- Grab Sofia, so you actually are free.
- Dope, so I'll get
within 120 feet of that.
- Cool.
One, two, three, four, five.
Let me see if that's...
Yep, you're within 120.
- Did you want to talk or something?
- Not right now.
- Weird, mixed signals.
- And I would like to animate
these two ones in the middle right here.
- Incredible.
- And then the bell.
- And then the bell!
- Yes.
- Awesome!
- Oh, mm.
Actually, would you say that the door,
how big would you say the door was?
- Oh, the door?
- Yeah, the door directly
behind Robert Moses.
- I'd say it's medium.
Medium size.
- Great, so a medium target
counts as two objects,
so I would like to
animate those two kiosks
and the door directly behind Robert Moses.
- Hell yeah.
Great.
- And then, you have the—
- I have the cards right here.
I do.
- You have door stats over there?
- You got door stats—
- I got stats for everything,
it's based on the size of the object.
Wild.
Awesome.
So this is normally,
so the reason that you,
your fire elemental's
going to act on your turn
'cause you already had it as you entered.
These ones, I'll need you
to roll initiative for.
- Okay, great.
So that is a two.
Also they go directly after me?
- Or soon.
- Or soon, okay, great.
That's dope.
That's actually good.
I'm good, I'm happy.
I'm happy with that initiative.
- So what has happened,
Rowan runs up, young, vivacious,
the first battle in this new body,
and what do you say to these things?
- It's time to get to work!
- This little,
Broadway fairy princess magic,
you see the two kiosks go,
Whoom!
It's time to get to work!
Time to fight on behalf of
Rowan, bum, bum, buh-bum!
And you see the door says,
Let me open!
- Ka-koom!
- And slams into Robert Moses's a*s.
Incredible.
That's your movement and your action.
Anything else?
- Oh!
Then I'm gonna turn to Kingston
and say,
hey.
I believe in you.
- Thank you,
that's very, okay, okay.
- Bardic Inspiration.
- All right.
- But you know, like,
you know, if your wife, it
doesn't work out with her,
I'm always, you know, I'm just—
- I'm crushed.
I'm so crushed!
- 2018, why are you so...
- Incredible.
- Don't be so exhausting, Pete!
- You were just so rude to me!
You just clearly, I mean,
if you liked both of
us, that would be fine,
but you just clearly don't like me
and love him.
- Cool.
Another legendary actions,
this vampire's gonna grab Sofia,
slam you up against the wall over here,
you don't take any damage.
- What?
- This one's gonna take
another swing at Ricky.
- Give me damage!
- Ricky.
You are grappled by this one over here.
- Okay.
Oh, do I, nevermind.
- These two are gonna
take some more swings.
That's gonna be a hit.
That's, and that's gonna be a crit.
- f*ck.
- On who?
- That's gonna be another nine damage
to the rats over there.
- Okay, they're not looking good.
- That's what they're there for.
- And then the other is gonna be
seven points of damage to the other rats.
- Kay.
They're looking a little better.
- They're at least taking them
off our hands, that's great.
- Right.
- It's what the rats are here for.
- To arms, to arms!
Let us die that a new era may dawn!
- Oh, you're so brave,
you beautiful b*stards!
- Incredible.
That is going to be Ricky.
You are grappled.
- Grappled, eh?
Okay.
Ricky is—
- You have advantage on strength checks
within the c*ck's—
- All right!
- So you can—
- Oh yeah?
- Probably get out easier than normal.
- But it's still a massive robot, right?
- Yeah.
I think with grapple, you
can still attack, right?
Your speed's just zero?
- Yeah.
- What's the c*ck's range?
- The actual rules, 'cause
it's a little bit tricky.
So the actual rules are,
escaping a grapple is a full action,
which is your athletics check.
You can also make a
shove as a single attack,
so if you have the extra attack action,
you can actually kind
of make two attempts.
But shove is you moving the
thing out of your square.
- Gotcha.
Let me check this other
ability I have real quick.
I think...
I think I'll attack it with,
I'll attack it with Ox first.
- Cool.
- It gets Pack Attack, Pack Tactics.
- Cool.
- Okay, so...
Ooh, a nat 20.
- What!
Does Ox deal radiant damage or no?
- I don't know.
- I don't know if he does or not.
- I don't think so, I don't think—
- He is made of light.
- If you want, can he?
- Yeah, I want to say it's radiant damage.
- Okay, cool.
And that's, and it's only 2d4.
- Cool.
- But that's doubled, right?
- Yes.
- A 4d4?
- 4d4.
- And then plus four.
Okay.
Ooh, six.
So we did 15 to that,
and then now it has to take
a DC11 strength saving throw
to not be knocked prone.
- Wait, how much damage is that again?
- 15.
- Jesus.
- And that's 15 regular damage.
- You see as Ox, 15 regular damage,
makes a DC10—
- 11.
- A DC11.
It succeeds.
- The massive robot wasn't
knocked over by the dalmatian?
- No, but that would
be pretty f*ck' wild.
- Okay.
- It does that.
Yeah, Ox does the damage.
You see Ox's bite with that light in it
burns the machine, and you
see the vampire inside goes,
gah!
and screams
at that radiant damage.
- Okay, well then, I'm
going to cast Branding Smite
as a bonus action.
- Cool.
- And then, and I have to
call it before I hit, right?
- Yes, you do.
- Okay.
And just try to hit it.
Ooh, does a 26 hit?
- Sure does.
- Okay.
Then I'll swing my second attack.
Does a 20 hit?
- A 26 and a 20 both hit.
- Okay.
- And you are, you're not
shoving, in other words,
you're just wailing.
- I'm just wailing on it.
- Cool, dope.
- Branding Smite is also radiant damage.
- Woo!
- So 2d6 of radiant
damage I'm adding to this.
Ah, whoops.
All right, so that's nine plus...
Nine plus nine of radiant.
And then on my second attack—
- And you're adding that plus from normal,
just plus to your damage, right?
D8 plus eight plus radiant, right?
- Yes, that's what I'm doing.
I rolled a one.
- 18 from the first one.
- And then for my second attack,
I'll also do just a level one Smite.
- Cool.
- If I can do that.
- Go for it.
- So...
- And you add an extra d8,
because these are undead.
- Oh, then I, should I add that
to the first attack as well?
- But you were doing a Branding
Smite, not a Divine Smite
on the first—
- Sure, sure, sure.
So now it's, so, okay.
So that would be 3d8 total.
- 3d8 total.
- Okay.
So...
- 4d8, 'cause it's 2d8 from,
a first level Smite is 2d8 damage,
plus the d8 from your normal ax.
- Okay.
- Plus another d8 'cause they're undead.
- Okay.
- So for that second attack,
you're rolling 4d8 plus eight.
- Okay, so 15 for the first two.
And then three, 18 plus eight, 26?
- Jesus!
Hell yeah.
You guys see Ricky's
being held up in a claw
and just, boom, boom, boom!
Just hacking away at electronics
as this, the c*ck fills with smoke
and the vampire starts coughing.
Cool.
That is your turn, you're still grappled.
That is—
- I should have gotten out of this.
- Buh-buh-bum.
- Okay.
- What.
- Oh sh*t.
- The little stock ticker goes
from green to red.
The objects can go.
- Oh.
Well, I'd like to start off with the door,
going for Robert Moses.
- Sure, hold on a second.
What level spell, sorry,
is Animate Objects?
- It's a fifth level spell.
- I'm so sorry.
You are welcome to choose another target,
the door actually cannot be animated
because of Globe of Invulnerability,
which is the spell that Robert cast.
- Okay.
And the bell is the same?
- The bell is the same.
Anything on that dais pretty much.
- I mean, there are so few other objects.
Is there—
- You can animate, if you
want to animate your umbrella,
you're welcome to do that.
- Is there a piece, like
a computer on that thing?
- Yeah, I'll animate my umbrella,
so it has 30 feet of movement
that's, because it doesn't
have legs and arms, it flies.
- Cool.
I'm gonna send that to
attack Robert Moses.
- Cool.
Dope.
- Oh wait, but the Globe of
Invulnerability doesn't—
- There's a chance it
would just cancel out
the animated object—
- Right, f*ck.
Well then, I'll send it after the robot
that's attacking Sofia, then.
- Cool.
- Thank you!
- Rad.
- And then I'll have the, yeah.
- The other two get up and
go to work on the others?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- These two front guys.
- Each one takes on its own?
- Yeah.
- Dope.
Cool.
Go ahead and roll your
attacks for these objects.
- Great.
- And their stats should
be on the card, there.
- Yes.
- In very itty bitty print.
- So the umbrella you would
say was tiny or small?
- I'll let you say it's medium,
because it's, so you
have one of those giant,
old lady golf umbrellas.
- Great.
To hit is plus five.
Okay.
So 20.
- 20 hits.
- Great.
And then the other ones,
they are large, so it's plus six.
That's, one of them is a nat 20.
- Hey!
- Woo!
An umbrella crit!
- And the other one is a four.
So, well, a 10, so—
- Cool, gotcha, gotcha.
- I'll do the crit against
the one on the left
with the—
- Oh, it was one of the—
- Kingston's, I'm just gonna
soften him up for you, Kingston.
- Cool.
Go ahead and roll damage.
- 2d6 plus one for the umbrella.
So that's eight damage.
- Over there, great.
- For the umbrella,
and then,
large, 2d10 plus two.
Which one is a d10?
- That would be 4d10 plus two.
- So 4d10 plus two.
Oh I have, here we go.
Well,
- Damn.
Cool.
Yeah, it goes over and just
f*ck' wallops those ones.
- And—
- Boom boom!
- Does the attack, it
does, in attacking the one
that's attacking Sofia,
does that make it let go
of its grapple, or to have to do—
- No.
- A check to let go of its grapple?
- No, it doesn't have to do a
check or anything like that.
- Okay.
- We are back to Kugrash,
to the top of the order.
- Sweet.
I think, can I have my
monsters go before me?
- Yeah.
- Is that cool, sweet.
So I'll have the fire guy go after
the robot that's holding Ricky.
- Ricky!
Literally a fire is
trying to help save you.
- Allies at last, I got
your favorite thing,
you're a fireman, right?
- It's, I like it.
- g*dd*mn it!
First one misses.
On the second attack.
- Okay.
- Does that hit?
- 19 hits, yes.
- Sweet.
Okay.
Eight fire damage.
- Eight fire damage, gotcha.
- And then the rats'll go,
these two guys'll go after this guy,
the two guys will go after the other guy.
- Mm-hmm.
- They're gonna have
a hard time, I'm sure.
One guy got a 17.
- 17 hits.
- Sweet!
That's seven damage to the guy over here.
- Cool.
- And the other two guys are gonna go.
First guy misses.
Second guy hits.
So 20 to hit.
- Nice.
- 11 damage.
- To this one again?
- To the other one.
- The other one, gotcha, cool.
- One missed on both sides.
- Gotcha.
- And then as Kugrash,
I've got Concentration going,
so I can't do too, too, too much,
but I'm going to turn into a giant eagle.
- Woo!
- I turn into a giant eagle,
and hey, why not?
Let's go crazy here.
I turn into a giant eagle,
I'm gonna use my Rolex to do haste.
- Yes!
- Sick.
- And I'm gonna use my dash action,
I have 80 flying speed,
I'm gonna fly to Robert Moses.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then make attacks.
- Hell yeah.
- Beak attacks?
- Yeah, it's 160 feet
of movement with the—
- f*ck yeah!
So American!
f*ck you and your greed!
- Proud to be an American!
- Where at
least I know I'm free!
So sassy,
such a sassy line!
- At least I know I'm free!
- Yeah.
Incredible!
Awesome, you've dashed towards him.
- Sweet.
- 20 hits!
- That's my talons.
My talons do nine damage.
- Hmm.
- Incredible.
- And then I do a beak attack.
I'm a real sh*t eagle.
- Yeah!
- Oh, sweet!
That's 22 to hit.
- Yeah, so how much damage
does the first one do?
- What did I say...
- Nine, I think?
- Nine, I think.
- Nine, cool.
- Yeah, okay.
Nine, and then I got 21
to hit on the second one.
The beak does less, that'll be five damage
on the second attack.
- Okay.
- f*ck yeah!
- In-f*cking-credible.
- That's such a great look!
Him under all those tickers,
fighting a literal eagle.
- This game is dope as hell.
- KFC commercial.
- That's Kugrash.
- It's so random, people will love it.
- Can I get his body out?
- Yeah, go for it.
Gonna get his little rat body—
- His body out of here.
Get the little rat body out of here.
- Get the rat body out of here.
I'm going to need Kugrash to
make a wisdom saving throw
at the end of his turn.
- Yipes!
- Hmm.
- 19.
- Moses looks at you and says,
Bruce Kugrich,
you look different than
the last time I saw you.
- I wasn't a rat or an eagle, yeah!
- I'm gonna give
you this one chance to run,
and if you don't take it,
understand me, as a man of my word,
and you see
that the lich Robert Moses
has his eyes sink into his head.
I'm gonna k*ll you right here
in front of all your friends.
The fear
effect does not take hold.
- Yeah, baby!
I gotta get up there, I'm immune to it.
- Yipes!
Hey guys, he's a lich, that's bad!
- What does that mean?
- I think that means he can become
a god or something!
- That's going to be—
- It's like a very powerful, evil...
- The vampires.
This one is going to, has got—
- Do the turnstiles get
attack of opportunity on them?
- You know those turnstiles.
- What are they?
I don't know.
Kiosks?
- Does a 19—
- Does hit, yeah.
- 19 does hit.
Okay.
You take—
- What are we doing?
- What's the damage?
- What's the damage, I'm ready.
- You take 13 damage.
- Kay.
- And your HP max is
automatically reduced by eight.
- Okay.
- Sheesh.
- So that's that one.
This one's gonna go the same for Ricky.
Hits.
Ricky, you take...
Four damage.
Your HP max is reduced by three.
- So how does that factor
in with the c*ck thing?
Does that do—
- I actually think that you're, because—
- My HP max is based
on what the c*ck—
- No, 'cause it is
attacking your life force.
So when it's, the hit points
you're actually losing
are coming out of your temp HP,
when you start eating
into your real hit points,
that decrease will follow you
and bite into your regular HP.
- So it affects your real ones.
- It affects your real one, yeah.
That one over there does that.
And this one's also gonna
move with you, Ricky,
over here.
- Oh, that's bad.
- Dammit.
- And then these ones are gonna go again
for these f*ck' rats.
That's gonna be
- That, wait, which side?
- These ones over here.
- Dead.
- Cool.
- Bye!
You fought well.
- The other ones over here,
that's gonna be another nine damage
to these ones over here.
- 2 HP left on that—
- Jesus Christ!
- Go rats!
- Go rats.
- They're beefy.
- My brothers!
- That is, the vampire's just smashing,
we're very effective, but these rats,
they're so scrawny!
We are many in number
and strong in spirit!
That's the vampires' turn.
That's going to be now,
buh-buh-bum.
You also see that,
except for the, this one still
looks a little bit injured.
One, two, three all heal their wounds.
This one's still a little bit injured,
that one does not heal or regenerate
over in the corner.
- Oh.
- Oh, 'cause he's taken radiant damage?
- He's taken radiant damage.
- That's not fire, right?
That's light?
- Yeah, it's about goodness.
- Huh, interesting.
- I can do radiant damage
if I get f*cked up.
- Sofia, that's gonna be you.
- Okay.
Would Disengage get me out of a grapple?
- Disengage would not
get you out of a grapple.
It's just about not having
attacks of opportunity.
So to get out of a grapple,
you need to either find
a way to move your,
force them to move, or
to just break the grapple
on an acrobatics or athletics check.
- Okay, I'll probably do that,
I do have my Unseen Servant,
can I tell my Unseen Servant
to take the battery out?
- You can have, have your Unseen,
actually, your Unseen
Servant cannot make attacks.
- Okay.
It wouldn't be an attack,
it would be sort of a menial task.
Okay, yeah, that's fair.
All right, so I'm going
to do an acrobatics check
to get out.
- You can either do that
or attempt to shove it,
but either way.
- And shoving it would be—
- Strength.
- Strength.
Would I get that strength bonus?
- So you can use strength,
you can use an athletics check
in place of one of your attacks,
which will leave your other extra attack,
or you can use acrobatics,
which is a higher score for you,
but it will take your action.
- I'm gonna take my action.
- Cool.
Let me know what your acrobatics roll is.
- Okay.
- 26, you escape the grapple.
- Sick.
- And that's my action,
but then I'm gonna use another ki point
to take a dash.
- Cool.
- And I just want to go as far as I can,
I want to kick around the blood.
- Okay, if you—
- I was thinking of doing that too!
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
If you would like to, okay.
So, if you're not taking a Disengage,
this thing will get an
attack of opportunity on you.
- Oh, I have to, um.
- You can take the risk
and hope it doesn't hit
and do the dash.
- It's going to f*cking hit me.
- Hmm.
- f*ck it.
All right, I'm just gonna take a Disengage
and go as far as I can.
- Cool.
- I gotta go pretty far.
- Yeah, 45 is not bad.
- 45.
- So as your bonus action is Disengage,
so you're gonna move, yeah, nine squares.
- So, okay, yeah.
I'm just gonna get up here.
- Cool.
Start running as fast as you can.
Rad.
That is your turn.
- And then, I do have a question,
is Otherworldly Leap,
is that something that,
does that take an action for me to use?
'Cause it says that I can do it
without spending a spell slot.
- Exactly.
It doesn't take a spell slot,
but you, it does take an action to cast.
- All right.
Six, 17.
You see that Robert Moses
flicks a hand at you,
and a scorching ball of fire hits you
for 28 points of fire damage.
- Me?
- You.
- Wait, Robert Moses?
- Yeah.
- Except I do have something,
fire, is it fireball?
- It—
- I have evasion.
Lets me dodge out of the way.
- This is an attack roll he's making,
it's not a dexterity check.
He just hit you with a fireball cantrip.
- A fireball cantrip?
Okay, I Hellish Rebuke him.
- Awesome.
You Hellish Rebuke him
and his Globe of
Invulnerability cancels it out.
- All right.
That was what I did.
- 28.
Now—
- Are you close to radiant damage?
- He did 28 damage with a cantrip?
- Yes he did.
- f*ck, man.
- These guys are going to take a move.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
This guy is not going to
trigger attacks of opportunity,
but moves over here to
the other side of Sofia.
- No, are you f*cking kidding me?
- Legendary actions.
Is not taking an attack yet.
And then this guy
is going to take another
swing at these rats over here.
- It's really
funny to look and see
Ox is just next to a raging fire.
- Seven points to those rats over there.
- They're gone.
- They're just alone.
- And then this one's gonna
take another swing at Ricky.
And that's going to be...
He gets a 20 on that,
which I believe does hit you.
- Hits me.
- And you're going to take,
he opens the c*ck,
brings your body down,
bites into your neck
and starts draining your blood.
- f*ck!
- You take seven points, sorry.
You take 11 points of damage,
and your max is reduced by six.
That is gonna be Pete.
- Great.
Okay, I'm gonna run and,
can I try to jump through
the middle of this?
Jump in there and jump out,
and keep running straight?
- You can make an acrobatics check
to be able to do that, yeah.
- Okay.
Let's see, what is my acrobatics?
It's fine.
Yeah, 18.
- Cool.
You run and whoom,
your body partially separates,
turning into weird, colored mist
as you, slink through there.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
- Great.
And then I will cast Erupting Earth.
- Careful with the anti-magic thing, kid!
- Underneath,
'cause then maybe the
whole platform will fall,
if I f*ck with the—
- Yeah, you can try to f*ck with it.
- Interesting.
- Cool, so I'm casting Erupting Earth
underneath the balcony that he's on,
that starts to crumble,
takes all the pillars down,
causes the whole thing to drop.
- Hell yeah, hold on one second.
What level spell is that?
- This is a third level,
but if I cast it higher,
I can add d12, so I think
I'll actually cast it
as my fifth level spell slot.
- Ooh f*ck!
- We're spending all of our fifth levels.
- Yeah, immediately.
- But it gives me 5d12 bludgeoning damage
on a failed save.
- Awesome.
And you're keeping it out of the range
of his Globe, right?
- Well, I'm trying to cast it under,
so hopefully he and the
Globe fall and encounter it.
- Okay.
We're gonna do our first
Box of Doom roll here, g*ng.
- Oh my goodness.
- Bring the f*ck on!
- So this is gonna be
as Moses is gonna try to
attempt to counterspell.
As he attempts to counterspell,
what he rolls on this is...
A spell at
fourth level or higher...
Okay.
Moses, on a 10 or higher,
is going to effectively counterspell this.
- Okay.
The whole thing, or—
- The whole thing.
- Okay, okay.
- Got any kind of Bend
Luck thing or anything?
- Yeah, I'm gonna Bend Luck and...
- You don't have Bardic
Inspiration or anything, right?
- No.
So I'm gonna use...
A sorcery point.
Those are still there.
- You're gonna do, are
you gonna do Bend Luck?
- Yeah.
- Go ahead and roll,
let's see how much harder
this gets for him.
He's gotta roll a 12 or higher.
- Cool.
- Okay, can I, I can't,
I have to Cutting Words
after you roll, right?
- I believe so.
But what can Cutting Words
be used on, real quick?
And is there any type of range on it?
- I don't have it written down anywhere.
- Let me look that, that's
actually very important.
I'm gonna look that up real quick,
just so that we're all on the same page.
- I love being on the same page.
- Yeah, who has some d12s?
Let's just get these ready, huh?
- Not gonna be able to do it.
Here we go.
On a 12 or higher, Robert
Moses counterspells this.
- No!
m*therf*cker!
- A 13.
- Jesus.
- You see—
- If so many thing had
gone differently, God!
- You see, yeah, you run up,
you see that Moses
looks at you and goes,
kid—
- Wait!
What are you thinkin'?
- I don't know if it's not too late,
but I have Tides of Chaos,
and once a day I get advantage on a roll,
can I advantage that on my Bend Luck roll?
- No, advantage doesn't run on d20 rolls.
- Oh, okay.
I got it.
- So you,
He knocks the spell out of your hand.
- Oh!
That is so mean!
I hate this m*therf*cker!
- Cool.
That's gonna be—
- Yeah.
- Buh-buh-buh.
Pete, give me a Wild Magic roll.
- Oh yeah, right!
Two.
- f*ck.
- Yep.
- Okay, let's see.
- Please be good!
- You get to choose
between two now, right?
- Yeah.
- You choose...
- I mean, that's—
- One undead among you becomes living.
- You feel the magic, bl-bl-bluh-bl-bluh,
bubbling up inside of you.
- You f*ck!
- Robert's f*ck' with you.
You can either go evil to match him,
or you can stay pure and try to resist
what you're feeling.
- Oh, that's so hard!
Ah...
I stay good!
- Oh, Kingston will be so proud, though!
- I stay good!
God f*ck' dammit!
- So Kingston knows!
- Say it so I know I'm proud.
Let me know I should be proud of you.
- The magic surges through your body,
and all, this is literally
sort of what it says,
all chemical addiction within you,
every residual toxin, every bit of poison,
is, whoom, pushed out of you
as you glow with radiant light.
- Yes!
- I start crying.
I start truly weeping, I'm on my knees.
- Is it just me, or does this feel
like a f*ck' Phish concert in here, now?
What?
- Incredible.
At the end of Pete's turn,
There, this one's gonna,
I'll take a swing.
Boom.
Deals four points of damage to you, Ricky.
And then,
this one's going to
finish moving to Sofia.
They're super fast.
This one's gonna make an attack.
Misses, Sofia, you are not grappled.
- Thank you!
- Is one of them shut down, or no?
- No, none of them are shut down.
This one's going to take a swing,
actually, this one's gonna
fight the f*ck' kiosk
that is right in front of it.
And misses that one.
- Wait a second, he missed on me?
He tried to attack me and missed on me?
- Yeah.
- Tipsy Sway, b*tch!
You gotta attack him!
- Yeah!
- f*ck' finally!
- It happened!
- This is Battle Bots, baby!
- Push that robot over!
- Jesus Christ!
You see that, you are there fighting,
this thing goes to hit you,
you roll on your back, do
that full breakdancing,
capoera legs around move,
and its fist, woo, bam!
And crack the glass shield
of its friend over here.
- Does that mean I could
rush in there and attack the vampire?
- No.
- Damn!
- Oh, we gotta keep track of which one
has the concentration spell on your ex.
- Yeah, I know which one.
- It's the one on the right, right?
Yeah.
Oh that, sorry.
- The furthest one on the left.
- Yeah.
- Oh, so furthest one on the left?
The one that I just made
attack someone else?
- The one you just made—
- Get attacked.
- Get attacked, the one who's cracked.
- Kingston, that's gonna be you.
- All right.
In the spirit of Pete,
can I, do I, can I roll insight
to see if I think that these mech vampires
would be susceptible to Command?
- Roll either arcana or religion.
- All right, let's go, ah.
They're the same.
It's 10.
- You're not sure,
you know for sure that Moses is not,
you could go either way on the vampires.
- All right, I'mma try it.
I'll cast a second level Command spell
on these two, the two around Sofia.
- Cool.
What is the command you
were issuing forth to them?
- Smash, and I point at the
pillars underneath Robert Moses.
- Okay.
One of them
resists,
the other reaches deep down
and burns through more of that willpower.
- What the f*ck is this willpower?
- Hmm.
- Yeah, I don't like it.
- Cool.
That's your Command.
Any movement that round, or no?
- Can I snake through here?
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Yeah, six?
- Yep.
One, two, three—
- Go kick the blood around.
- Five, six.
- Cool.
Kingston,
you see Robert looks at you
as you approach looking
down from the balcony,
he's got Kugrash around him,
and you see he says,
looks at you,
the room grows dark,
he says,
as a favor,
to a friend.
And someone I respect,
who do you want me
to drop?
Your friend, the eagle?
Or the kid?
One of 'em's gotta go.
- Can I stay silent?
- You can stay silent,
he says, tick tock, tick tock.
Eenie, meenie, minie, moe,
catch a tiger by the toe,
if he hollers, let him go,
mama says to pick the very best one,
and you are it.
A spell
releases from his fingers.
- Shield.
- Pete,
this spell that he is casting
is a ninth level spell.
- Mm-hmm, I Shield as a cantrip.
- And
this spell does not have a saving throw.
This is Power Word k*ll.
It doesn't have a saving throw,
the only thing the spell cares about
is how many hit points you've got.
Do you currently have
less than 100 hit points?
You watch Pete's life leave his body
as he falls to the ground, dead.
- Do you have—
- I have revivify.
- What the f*ck!
- Is it dead?
- Death saving throws, or like—
- No saving throws,
fully dead, right now.
- f*ck!
- He—
- I just got sober!
You don't know how much weight
was just lifted from my f*cking shoulders!
- That is, yeah, Power Word k*ll.
You guys all watch Pete
drop to the ground.
- f*cking f*ck.
You probably don't have
another fifth level spell.
- I don't.
But revivify's a third level spell.
- Oh, okay, whew!
- Let me at him.
- f*ck.
- Power Word k*ll?
- Power Word k*ll.
Robert looks up and goes,
I am purified of my undeath,
and thus the realms
beyond cannot claim me.
And the water
of the Fountain of Bethesda
sprinkles from his hand,
falls to the floor.
Rowan, that's gonna be your turn.
- Am I within 30 feet of,
can I get within five feet of Sofia?
- You—
- Yeah!
- Can get within five feet.
- Yes, right?
- Yep, absolutely.
- Okay, so what I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna get within
five feet of Sofia,
and I'm gonna say, want to take a trip?
- Yeah!
- And then I'm gonna cast Dimension Door
so that we cast above his Globe of—
- Woo!
- And so we fall on top of him
and hopefully do some falling damage
as we do that.
- Incredible!
- Woo!
- f*ck yeah!
- Cool.
- Those Louboutins are heavy.
- Those are sharp.
- Can I hold Misty's body
so that I absorb all the
impact of the landing,
'cause I have Slow Fall.
- Give me just an athletics check, low DC,
just to hold on to Misty while you fall.
- Okay.
- Sick.
- 12.
- Cool, you do it.
You grab Rowan around the waist,
and slide to the ground.
- As I'm falling, I'm like,
if only Pete could see this!
Actually, maybe it's
better he can't see this!
- You Dimension Door.
Boom, you appear.
- f*ck yeah!
- You guys fall to the ground here,
as you're Slow Falling,
you don't deal any damage,
but you don't take any damage either.
- Okay, great.
That's fine.
- Cool.
At the end of your turn,
I'm going to need
Kugrash, Sofia, and Rowan
to all give me constitution saving throws.
- Okay, can I also,
before I, 'cause I have not
done a bonus action yet.
- Oh yeah, go for it, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I would like to...
Turn to Sofia and be like,
hey, thanks.
- My God!
Anytime!
- Cute and flirty—
- Misty Moore who, this is my new hero!
- Now you have Bardic Inspiration.
So it's a constitution saving throw?
- Constitution saving
throw, that's correct.
- Who has Bardic now?
- I do.
Constitution saving throw,
is this an area effect,
or fearing, or charming?
- Your evasion only is for
dexterity saving throws.
- No, but I have Stillness of Mind,
so I can't be charmed or frightened.
- This is not a charm or a fright.
- Okay.
- I got a seven.
- Seven?
- In constitution, I got a 15.
- 15.
- I got a 15 as well.
- 15 as well.
- Should I use the Bardic
Inspiration for that?
I'm gonna use the Bardic
Inspiration for that.
- Cool.
I got an 18.
- You got an 18 for
the Bardic Inspiration?
Okay.
Rowan and Kugrash,
you take 11, 15, 17, 22
points of damage each,
you take 11 points of damage.
You see Robert just goes,
I'm starting
to lose my patience!
And just
the power of raw death
surrounds him, and fluttering, ashy scraps
of dollar bills,
flutter around him.
After this damage, I'm gonna
need constitution checks
from Kug and from Rowan.
- Again?
- God, oh wait.
So I got 14.
- So you got a 14.
- So what was that, half of—
- You're only trying to be at 11.
- Okay, cool.
- Oh, I got an 11.
- You got an 11, you succeed?
- Okay.
- You pass.
I'm also gonna need another one
for the conjured rats as well.
- Oh sh*t.
Are they—
- There's some left, but
so go ahead and give me that.
- Oh, just to keep—
- For concentration, yeah.
- Oh, concentration.
- They're gone.
- Oh, I think I have,
oh, I have advantage on that anyway.
That's worse, well.
Anyway.
- You just barely—
- I succeeded it, so it doesn't matter.
- So you guys hold on to your spells,
the rats, phew, scatter and vanish.
That's Robert's turn.
These guys are gonna go.
One, two...
- Ricky, are you okay?
- I'm having a horrible time.
- Yeah.
- One, two,
three, four, five, six.
- Ricky's next to some fire,
watching his friend be k*lled,
being held up against a wall.
- Awful!
- By a stronger person.
- So he's kind of standing in the blood,
they're tracking the blood around,
that's not having any effect?
- Doesn't seem to be having any effect.
- All right.
- I was gonna slide into
the blood as a whole action.
- I was gonna Slip n' Slide.
- Cool.
That is going, that
was Rowan, that's that.
Ricky, that's gonna be you.
- He is out of the thing now, right?
- Who's out of the thing?
- He's opened the hatch to bite me, right?
- Yes he has.
- Oh God.
I guess,
I don't have any of the
information for Suggestion
in front of me,
but that is a wisdom saving throw, right?
- Correct, yes.
- And from what we know,
they probably can save themselves
from wisdom saving throws,
is what it seems—
- Yeah, maybe, probably.
- Is the wisdom what the
willpower helps them resist?
- I don't know.
- This was a wisdom saving throw
that they pulled deep down
inside of themselves and—
- Yeah, both of yours was the shutdown.
- Shutdown wasn't a wisdom, that was con.
- Okay, so maybe it
was just saving throws.
- Well, okay.
- But that was a limited resource.
- Yeah.
- I want...
Ox is too far
away from any of them
to attack right now, right?
- I think so, yeah.
- I guess Ox will, I want,
because the hatch is open,
I want Ox to run in and jump
up and attack the vampire.
- Go for it!
Have him attack.
- Aw, so cute!
Like going through a doggy door.
- Where, those fire hasn't been going.
- He's gone.
- Oh, okay.
- He's been fighting the guy that Ricky—
- So that will be...
What am I adding to this?
Oh, that's a 15.
- 15 misses.
- Okay.
I'm gonna...
Jesus, this sucks.
There's no, I guess I'll...
I'm gonna cast Suggestion on him,
and tell him to throw
me at Robert.
- Okay!
He's going to make a wisdom save.
- Yeah.
- I love that.
- He succeeds on the wisdom save.
- Aww.
- Brutal.
- Okay.
- Brennan, it'd be so
fun if he did it, though!
- Wasn't it fun with Sondheim?
I thought you let that happen.
- Daddy please, please
let us stay up late!
- Come on, Daddy!
- Sorry!
I'm so sorry.
That's going to be,
yeah, Ricky's not looking great,
all the way back over there.
Objects are gonna go?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- So.
For the umbrella, I would
like for it to take,
so it's over here.
- Yes.
- I'd like for it to take
a dash action towards,
let me know if you'll let me do this.
- Sure.
- A dash action towards
the one holding Ricky.
- Cool.
- And then open.
- Okay!
- So it's in the way of everything.
- Cool!
- It's just like a,
he can't see properly, and
he can't get to his buttons.
- Trying to f*ck up his sh*t, cool.
- Right.
- He can't attack, but—
- That's cute.
- Cool, it goes, it pops open.
Great.
- His what?
- It—
- I would imagine you would get
his damage now, or he gets—
- The umbrella opens up, cool.
That's not gonna have a
numerical effect this turn,
but it can help, it
can create disadvantage
on the attacks for that thing, yeah.
- And then I'll have one kiosk,
can the closer kiosk get to Ricky?
- The closer kiosk can get
to Ricky, I believe, right?
- Great.
- Which two are they?
That's the real question.
- Am I over here?
- I'll have that one attack—
- One, two, three, four, yep.
That one can get there, boom.
- And then the other one go forward
and attack this guy in
the corner right here—
- This one right here?
- That's within 30, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Cool, go ahead and roll—
- Purple is close to me, and pink is far.
- Cool.
- Well, f*ck me.
The 12 is not gonna hit, right?
- A 12 is not going to hit, no.
- Well, nothing hits.
But at least they're there.
- At least they're there!
- That's the story of this fight,
is like, I don't know.
- We're there.
- Oh.
- At least.
- They're great at running defense.
- You see they actually, yes,
these three vampires all
rise up on these little risers
to surround you guys up on the dais.
- Oh no!
Oh, I don't like this at all!
- This just got wild!
- Are they—
- This is awful.
- Cool.
That is—
- So he's falling, he's going, he's gone.
- Fall, fall, fall!
- Fall, you as*h*le!
- Yeah, shatter, if a mini shatters,
we can't fight it!
- Yeah, that's the rules,
it's in the DM's guide, I read it.
- It's in the DM's guide.
- Not even the players may—
- It's not a homebrew
from some 12 year old.
That's Wizards of the Coast.
- We're back up at Kugrash, at the top!
- Sweet.
Cool.
I'm gonna have fire elemental
is gonna go after this guy
that's got Ricky,
it has fire form,
so it can squeeze through
a space one inch wide.
- Cool.
- So I want him to get in
the c*ck with the dude.
- Hell yeah, go for it.
- And once he gets
within five feet of him,
an actual person,
it takes 1d10 fire damage,
just right off the bat.
- Hell yeah, go for it!
- So he'll take eight damage.
- I'll take eight damage.
Dope.
- And then it'll make its attacks.
And I think it might, fire
damage and catches fire.
It catches fire until
someone takes an action
to douse the fire, the
creature takes 1d10 fire damage
at the start of each of its turns.
- Oh, cool.
- Cool, awesome.
- At its turns?
It has multiple turns, right?
- No, though, he's using
legendary actions I think.
Okay.
So two attacks.
One of 'em is a 24 to hit.
- 24 hits.
- Sweet.
That's going to be 16 damage.
- f*ck yeah!
- Oh no, sorry.
- This vampire's looking
f*cked up over here,
the one that's fighting Ricky.
Cool, that's your turn, Kugrash.
And then what's Kugrash do,
oh, that's your elemental?
- Yeah, okay.
Then my elemental, I
imagine I'm about to get
severely f*cked up.
I am going to, all right.
I think Ricky can get rid of that guy.
Here is what I'm going to do,
I'm going to fly away,
I'm gonna use my movement
to get out of there.
- He's gonna go ahead
and take a swipe at you
as you do that.
- Hmm, okay.
- Can't you just Disengage?
- No, I don't want to Disengage,
I want to do something.
- He's got plans!
- Does a 20 hit Kugrash?
- Yes.
- Okay.
- Well that, I can use
Cutting Words against.
- Okay, yes.
- Because he's right next to me.
- He's right next to you.
Kugrash's AC is an eagle,
what is your AC in eagle form?
- 13.
- 13.
- Okay, f*ck, so I've got
to get a seven or an eight?
- You need, no, you need an eight.
You need to get it all the way to 12.
- Well.
That is a one.
- Aww!
This f*cking game!
- You—
- We are getting so f*cked!
- f*ck' game!
No, not yet.
Kind of.
Kind of f*cked.
- You take 13 points of cold damage.
- Okay.
- You take 13
points of cold damage.
- Okay, I snap out of being an eagle,
and I am Kugrash again.
- Ooh, let's get little Kug out there.
I'm gonna need you to make
a constitution saving throw.
- Okay.
Goddammit.
Huge fail, one and a two.
- You see that as you go to fly away,
you see that Robert goes,
not so quick, little bird.
Gah, and
grabs your neck and says,
why don't you just relax?
Snap!
And you,
your windpipe is crushed,
you are paralyzed on the ground.
You are fully paralyzed and
cannot move or take actions.
That is going to be—
- Oh no!
- That was the most
visceral description of—
- So f*cked up!
- That was too real!
- This is Robert f*ck' Moses, baby!
- An eagle's neck is
worth two hands at least!
Eagles are large.
- Yeah, don't do one f*ck'--
Ugh!
- That's going to be,
you are paralyzed, Kug.
- Oh my God.
- Wail on this fool.
- That's now going to be the vampires.
- I want to but I'm rolling like sh*t.
- Did the elemental go away?
- I have to hit before I can wail.
- You see that
this vampire right here
is gonna make an attack,
actually no, this one's
gonna make a shove attempt,
so this is athletics versus athletics.
- On me?
- On you, yes.
- All right.
- So athletics versus athletics,
he rolled a nat one.
- I rolled an 18.
- You succeed, the other one's gonna try
to throw you off the platform as well.
This one, you have to beat a 12
on an athletics check.
- I did.
- Whoom, whoom, these
two claws come at you.
Also, you see that these two heal fully.
- We gotta do, f*ck.
We gotta do radiant damage.
- This guy also heals, not all the way,
but heals a little bit.
- Can we tell if the damage on their suits
and them are separate things?
- They are not separate.
They appear, it appears,
you see that they have IVs of blood
running through the
machines into their bodies.
That's going to be, so that's,
they both miss there.
This one is also going
to now move over here,
and is gonna take another swing,
try to knock Sofia off.
- Oh, they—
- Now you're gonna need to beat—
- Wait a second, oh,
these aren't actually attacking me.
- They're not actually attacking you.
- Oh, so you're being smart, okay.
- Oh, I see, you're being a clever person.
- So what do I have to be?
- Great.
- Now you gotta beat a 27
on an athletics check.
- I think we all lose,
we all lose, actually, I'm
not incapacitated, right?
I'm just paralyzed?
- Paralyzed, yep.
- Okay, so my aura's still there,
but we're gonna lose it if I go out.
- I didn't.
- This one, boom,
and throws you to the ground, boom, prone
at the bottom of the—
- Guess what, b*tch,
I f*ck' jump right up when I'm prone!
- That's right!
Drunken Master!
- Yeah, Drunken Master!
- You do like a,
- I take a little nip of
Smirnoff, come back up.
- That's them.
That vampire's gonna take an
attack on Ricky over there,
and he's actually going to miss.
- But doesn't he take
damage from the fire?
- At the beginning of his turn, yeah.
- I would think that, oh,
he is still on fire, yes.
- This is actually his turn, yeah.
- Okay.
Five damage.
- Ooh!
- Namma, namma.
- How f*cked up is he looking?
- Oh that, how f*cked up is he,
he's looking messed up,
he's looking f*cked up.
- I might just try to k*ll him.
- That is going to be Sofia.
- Okay.
Do you guys think that we should
be going after Robert Moses
or should I be trying to,
my instinct is just to
go after Robert Moses.
- Yeah.
- I feel like he is
at the heart of whatever—
- Don't worry about the vampires.
- The ticker tack thing is.
- Yeah.
All right, I'm going to use a,
can I use my dodge now
so that if I jump up,
then they can't get—
- They get disadvantage?
- They can't, oh wait,
that would be disadvantage.
- Dodge disadvantage,
Disengage is no attacks of opportunity.
- I'll take, well, since
I'm doing Flurry of Blows,
if I were to do Flurry of Blows,
can I take my Disengage before
I do my Flurry of Blows?
'Cause I get it at the end of every—
- Yeah, you can spend a ki point
do your Flurry of Blows
and get no attacks of opportunity.
- Cool, that's what I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna do that, jump up,
and go after Robert Moses.
- Jesus.
So all of them go to swing, you miss,
Drunken Master twirl through the air,
no need for a jump check,
you pop straight out,
it's only like what, a
- Easy!
- And I'm going after Robert Moses.
First attack is a nat 20!
- That's what we need!
- I would also like to
point out to Robert Moses
that when you hit me back there,
I don't know, something about
it jostled something up,
and I'm looking pretty
radiant, wouldn't you say?
I should be doing some radiant damage.
- Are you, you're less than half?
- Yeah.
- Oh wow!
f*ck!
- Okay, so I'm gonna first thing will be—
- What does crit do?
Damage and a half?
- All the rule, doubles every day.
- Oh doubles, that's—
- You would roll double
the amount of dice.
- That's so sick.
- 16 plus, so it was 21 for my first hit.
- Jesus.
- I'm going again.
I'm guessing a 13 does not hit?
- No it does not.
- Okay.
Going again.
That does not hit.
Going again!
Does a 20 hit?
- A 20 does hit.
- Okay.
So I hit him for another 12.
- Woo!
You leap up, he has just like,
broken Kugrash's windpipe,
he's come in, k*lled Pete,
you go up and he says,
Miss Lee, let's not have
the entire Lee family die
at my request, what do you say?
- There's literally only one Lee
that I f*cking care about.
Wait, no Lee.
Lee's my husband.
Jesus f*ck' Christ,
now I know what you're going after!
f*ck you!
- You,
and you feel his f*ck' lich skull crack
under your raining blows.
Bdah, bdah, bdah!
This guys is very powerful,
but he is a spellcaster.
You gotta leave a f*ck' sick crack
across his skull, wailing on him,
as he skids back across the balcony.
- Some of that was radiant damage.
- Absolutely, yeah.
The radiant damage f*ck him up for sure.
- Nice.
- That is Sofia's turn.
This guy's gonna take another swing.
You take eight point of damage, Ricky.
And that is going to be Pete.
- I mean, am I in Nod, what am I seeing?
- You float into Nod,
and you hear the noise of
people watching a show.
and you look over,
you're in a weird, red
light district of Nod
you haven't been at before,
and you hear someone say,
welcome to the
stage, Bubbles, our next dancer!
And you see there's a bunch
of weird dream beings
that all kind of look non-plussed,
and like they find this distasteful.
And you see a bunch of copies of your dad
dressed in bubbles come out
and start erotically dancing
with each other on stage.
- f*ck no.
I sprint as fast as I can to wherever
the Golden Door was, to see
what it looks like in Nod.
- You start rushing to the Golden Door,
you hear a voice behind you go,
Pete, Pete!
- What?
- And you see your dad
calls your name after you.
- Ahh, those, yeah, that's my name,
yeah, that is who I am!
- You see that all of his
clones run off the stage
as people start going, boo, keep dancing!
And there's five of your dad just there,
what's going on, what,
what happened to me?
- I may, I am magic
and I had a surge,
and I don't know what I did to you,
but I did send you maybe
to hell, I don't know.
- I don't know if it's hell.
I honestly don't know if it's hell here.
- This, oh, I sent you here, that's nice.
It's Nod.
I think I'm dead right now, actually.
- Okay.
I've figured out a lot of stuff
since I've been here.
- Okay.
- I had a very narrow view
of what the world was.
- Yeah.
- I saw a snake f*ck its
own as*h*le with its head.
- Cool, was it consensual?
- It was doing it to itself,
I think it was masturbation.
- I'm just—
- My point is this,
I had a very narrow minded view and...
The bubbles talk to me!
- Cool.
- Do I live here forever now?
- I'm not sure, man—
- I think mom and your brother and sister
at some point, should know that I'm here.
- Yeah, yeah.
But I'm dead too, unfortunately, I wish.
What have you learned,
do you know anything
that could help me revive?
- I was wrong about my prostate.
Your mother talked to me
about it a lot of times,
it's great.
- Yeah, that's a lot of men,
they find it too late.
They all say that—
- I missed years and years and years,
it's really incredible.
- Yeah, eating a*s has had a comeback,
so luckily people our
generation are cool with it,
but there's just a lost gener-,
anyway, we got, I don't, we
shouldn't talk about this!
Can you please help me in any way?
- There's a panda in
a full clown costume—
- Can I cast Commune
With City to get answers?
- Yes.
He's running after you.
You just see that your dad
basically has not been in hell,
but has basically just been
in a mind-bending phantasmagoria
for the past three weeks
that he's been here.
- Whoa.
- And has been like, you don't know if,
he hasn't had a redemption.
It's just that his whole
mind is f*ck' unraveled,
and there's hope for something?
But also, you don't know
if he's learned anything,
he's just literally been on—
- He told us, he called me Pete.
- He calls you Pete, yeah!
He, you think that that is a result
that something about your
trip that you sent him here on
means that his,
the weird, horrifying,
conservative things he had
about what can and cannot happen,
it's like, hey man.
You saw a wind serpent from an
ancient, long-gone religion,
you know, fellate a b-list 70s celebrity
in a spinning donut going down the street.
Is it really that weird
to change your name?
Is that really the weirdest f*cking thing
that you could do?
- Great, I send my dad to Amsterdam.
- He runs with you down the street,
but there's about five of him as he runs.
You look and see, in
front of the Golden Door,
that sigil in blood appearing
and start to move into the position
that a knob would have.
- Can I, once a day I
can cast Dispel Magic,
in fourth level or higher,
has to make a saving roll?
- I'm gonna say that
because this is happening
in a single round of combat,
your Commune With City is how
you get here and find this.
But you, boom, arrive there,
your dad says, what am I lookin' at, Pete?
- So, there's too much to explain.
Bad guy trying to get through this door.
- Got it, all right.
Well, I can suck and f*ck
with the best of 'em, so—
- Great!
You, are you okay?
- Yes!
- Okay.
- I am doing great now!
- Let's take a breath and let's say
nothing sexual for a while.
Let's just take a breather!
- Cool!
- Feel our body on our own.
- Yep.
- Great.
- I've done all the drugs that there are.
I was wrong about that, too.
- Cool, I'm actually sober now.
Yeah, great.
- Hey, good, congrats!
- We hug.
- Yeah, big hug.
Pats you on the back.
- We hug for the first time in decades.
- Yeah, yeah!
I love, there's a lot
about myself that I like
that I didn't say yes to.
- Yeah.
Totally.
- You see that, we snap out
of the dream realm as you hug.
- g*dd*mn it, what the f*ck.
- All your dad's weird dream clones
as he kind of screeches and twitches.
And we cut back,
Kingston, it is your turn.
- So is Pete dying?
- No, no, Pete is full dead.
- Pete is full dead.
- Full dead.
- Great, I cast, can I cast Revivify?
- You call in some very powerful magic.
As Robert's surrounded and fighting,
he looks down at you
casting this Revivify spell,
what is it, this is resurrection.
What is Kingston doing this moment,
you look down at Pete.
- I put both my hands on his stomach,
and I say,
you're not done yet, kid.
Come on.
We got work to do.
- Boom!
You are, whoom!
Sucked out of the dream
realm, back into your body.
- Ah, dad!
- What, me?
I'm, you call me—
- No, I'm sorry.
I was just with my dad.
- Yeah, that's fine.
Ooh, that's crazy.
Anyway.
We're still in it, Pete.
- I'm hugging you.
- Yeah, you see that, pew!
As you bring the Vox Phantasmus back,
something broken in the magic of New York
that has been broken for some time
is healed forever.
The dreaming and the waking intertwine
and Pete is, [imitates
whooshing] brought back
by your magic, boom!
And you know what this
spell is trying to do.
That's—
- Oh, can I mind link with
everyone and let them know
what I just heard?
- Yeah, go ahead, what
are you gonna tell 'em?
- What am I gonna tell them?
- Your words, yeah, what do you say?
- I'm not even quite sure what I just saw.
It was like,
whatever blood is happening here
is happening at the door of inside Nod.
- So this is the lock,
or this is the—
- Yeah, this is probably
him creating the lock here
that will end up there.
- We gotta find the key.
- Kingston, do you do anything else?
- Can I move, I'll move to,
I'll stand right on the edge of the thing.
- Cool.
- Unless he's creating the lock
and he already has the key
and he is just gonna open it
all in one move, yeah.
- Oh, so you have one hit point.
- Oh, really.
Dope.
- Oh, we should get you healed.
Anyone else have heals?
You're paralyzed.
- I mean, I'm up on this platform
and I don't know if I can do spells.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- Probably not, right?
- It gets to be Robert's turn again.
- Of course.
I'm up, b*tch!
- Sofia, do you have
less than 150 hit points?
- I do.
- No!
- You see Robert gets, whoom!
And he goes,
mean left hook, kid!
Let me give it a shot!
Wham!
And you are
stunned with Power Word Stun.
Automatically you can make
saves at the end of your turns,
but you are fully stunned.
- Oh!
- Rowan, that
is going to be your turn.
- So within his Globe of
whatever, I can't cast spells?
- Actually—
- Or can I cast spells on the—
- You're in the bubble now,
so you're with—
- So within the bubble, I can do it.
- That is correct.
Yeah, you are past the 10 foot barrier.
- Sick.
Then I would like for,
I would like to cast Puppet on him.
- Cool.
- So it's a constitution saving throw,
and on a failed save, he has
to move where I tell him to
and drop what he's holding.
- Gotcha.
He fails the save.
- f*ck yes!
- And burns into some of
his interior willpower.
Fwoom!
- What is this?
- Yeah, what is this thing?
- It's an ability in 5e
called legendary resistance.
Yep.
- f*ck.
- It's not infinite.
It's just very powerful.
- That didn't, okay.
So can I cast a cantrip
as a bonus action or no?
- Yes, as a bonus action,
if you have a bonus
action cantrip you can,
but what else do you have?
- I don't have a bonus action
cantrip, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
And my weapon is attacking
this robot over here.
Can I f*ck' punch him,
there's nothing else I can do!
- Can you throw me towards Kingston,
'cause I'm so f*cked up right now.
I'm just paralyzed up there,
if you could throw the bird—
- Throw a dead bird off a balcony?
- I'm a rat, I'm a rat again.
- Throw the dead bird.
- He's not dead, he's paralyzed!
- I'll do that.
- Rad.
You move and just hutch—
- Jesus Christ.
- You see that Kugrash,
it's like that little thing
of a little rat body goes,
fling, and like, lands.
- That thing of like?
- He didn't know!
- I'm trying to think about taking it,
like a little, gross, mangy rat,
and just a very
anti-climatic,
as it honks and lands on the ground.
- It's like when you throw a rat,
you know, that sound it makes?
- Yeah, we all know—
- Good night, folks, I'm gonna head out!
- What else, what else,
what else, what else?
- Because everyone
knows that, that sound—
- Everyone get in the f*ck' comments,
rats honk when you throw them!
- Don't at me.
- Rowan, yeah, you toss the rat, no sweat.
- And can I just take a
quick look at Robert Moses
and just, I would love to
see what his f*cking deal is,
'cause we haven't really
been this close to him,
face-to-face, and all
of a sudden, he's green?
- Yeah, he's calling with some, he no,
it looks like he,
make whatever roll you're gonna make,
make insight or arcana
or whatever you like.
- Great.
I'll do insight.
- Robert Moses purified himself,
and is no longer considered
undead, but is undead.
- Oh sh*t.
- He purified himself, so in other words,
he has all the abilities
and none of the weaknesses
of undead.
- m*therf*cker.
- That's gonna be Rowan.
Buh-buh-bum.
Now—
- Oh, is the list still up there?
- Yeah.
- He's just thrown it
on the ground, right?
- He's tossed it on the ground.
- I don't have enough time though
to also pick up the list.
- No, you do not.
- All right, well next time.
- It takes a lot to throw a rat.
- It does.
- As we all know.
- Well, exactly.
- Loud—
- This constant action we're always seeing
of throwing rats.
- And it, I had to sleep right after.
- I threw a rat, you know,
right before we started filming this.
- Cool.
That's going to be...
- This is stressing me out,
I'm much less stressed now
that Pete is no longer dead,
but he's still at one hit point and it's—
- One hit point, yeah.
- Giving me serious anxiety.
- I'm gonna need a
constitution save from Rowan.
- Oh, I didn't Wild Magic.
- I'm gonna need a Wild Magic.
- This isn't for my concentration?
- But it was back to one.
- So close, it was back to one, so two.
- Give me that constitution save?
- Oh f*ck.
- Ai chi!
- Eight.
- He reaches out and sucker
punches you in the stomach
and you are paralyzed.
Boom!
Take it easy, Miss Berry.
You also take
- Okay, I have a question.
Since I'm a w*r caster,
can I still cast...
- Can you hold on to your concentration?
Well, give me another constitution
'cause he just did damage to you,
so you take 13 points of cold damage.
- Okay.
Hang on.
And then this is for my concentration,
I got an 18.
Or, 20.
- Cool, great.
- Oh, can we keep concentrating
when we're paralyzed?
- I actually believe
that we, yeah, you can.
- Okay, 'cause I had my fire elemental go,
but if you don't mind,
can I roll to keep him?
- Yeah, go for it.
- Okay, cool.
I got two twos.
- You do not keep him.
- My man.
- But—
- Cool.
- Two g*ng!
- You are paralyzed.
- So I can't talk or anything?
- No, you are fully—
- We're mind linked though, right?
- You can mind link.
- Yeah, I just was like,
can I, 'cause I have w*r caster,
so I don't have to use
my hands to cast spells,
but if I can't talk also—
- Can't talk, yeah.
Can't move or speak.
- Yeah.
- That's gonna be Ricky.
- God, this is so tired!
- He, okay, so I'm just going to
try to k*ll this one and run over,
because I don't feel like he'll
get attacks of opportunity
and sit around me.
- You got this, Ricky!
I believe in you!
- He has disadvantage
'cause there's an umbrella in his face?
- That is correct.
Rather, you have advantage,
'cause this umbrella's going,
voom-voom, voom, voom-voom-voom-voom,
and popping in his grill.
- My God.
- No way.
- You still have Ox?
- A one and a two?
- Another one on the first—
- Jesus Christ.
- You have luck points.
- Yeah, I'm gonna use
a luck point on that.
- Cool.
- Do I get to roll two again, or just—
- No, just one.
- Okay.
Okay, does 17 hit?
- 17 hits.
- Woo!
- So I'll Divine Smite him.
I'll do a second level
Divine Smite on him.
- Cool, so that's gonna be 5d8 plus eight.
- Okay.
Can I have someone else's d8s?
- Oh yes.
Come on, get in there, pink!
- 5d8s plus eight, okay.
I got 'em.
Okay.
- Oh my God, I got an eight.
My kid got an eight.
- What's my kid doing?
- I had three eights, plus nine.
- Kick a*s.
- Eight, 16, 24...
- 33 plus—
- 41.
- 41, Jesus Christ.
Okay, yeah.
- Is he still up?
- He is still up.
But you see him go, whoom!
And slash his chest wide open
and it burns and starts turning to ash.
He looks f*cked up.
- All right, I'm going to
take my second swing at him.
- Cool.
This one also has advantage.
- That's a 28.
- Yep, that hits.
- And then I'll just do a first
level Divine Smite on him.
- Yeah, that's gonna be 4d8 plus eight.
- Okay.
Just...
- Mine got a one.
- That is five, seven, eight, plus eight.
- Whoom!
- Finally!
- One down!
- f*ck, man.
Our only person, I mean, now—
- And then now with—
- Yeah, but I'm also stunned.
- Don't I give—
- You have Ox's movement.
Yeah, absolutely.
- Okay, so I'll use Ox's
movement and run all the way—
- What is Ox's movement, it's like—
- He has 40.
- 40.
- Plus mine.
- So you,
five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30,
- Can I use a
double movement with Ox?
- Yes, you can, actually.
- Okay.
- So that's,
five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30,
You make it all the way here.
In fact, actually, if you
want to make it even closer,
you can probably make it over here,
'cause diagonals are better in 5e.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna, if you want to be,
or if you want to be
over there, you can too.
- Dope, does help on
saving throws.
- Yes.
But that's only 10 feet,
so I'm trying to decide if I—
- You're hitting Kingston and Kug there.
- And I'm f*cking dead.
- All right.
- So that'd be dope.
- You're not dead, you're just paralyzed.
- Ox is probably kind of
drooling a little bit,
and it's getting in the blood,
and it's messing it up a little bit.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- I...
- Just tell me where you're moving.
Do you move there or there?
- I think right there.
- Cool.
- Will be good.
- Cool, 'cause you took your attacks,
so you're gravy.
- All right.
- You rush up, boom.
That's Ricky.
You see that again,
Robert Moses with everyone
paralyzed and stunned
on the dais with him goes,
I hold the key to the city!
Whoom!
Takes the key out,
clatters to the ground.
- f*ck!
- And the objects go.
- Oh, the objects, that's me.
- Yep!
- What, who?
How far does his Globe
of whatevers extend?
- 10 feet.
- Okay.
- Could I have taken the umbrella with me?
- Just grabbed it?
Attack, attack, move, move, move.
You didn't use a bonus action,
I'll say bonus action
you grab the umbrella.
- Okay.
- Oh my God, I'm just picturing you
twirling your umbrella on your dalmatian!
- So cute.
So I would like to have,
the one that's far away, I would just
like to do a dash action.
- Cool.
- So it's as close to
everybody as possible.
- So it's
five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
- Great.
Can the kiosk pick Ricky up?
It's right next to him.
- Mm-hmm.
- And throw him up on that balcony?
- Give me a, I'm gonna say
that's a DC20 athletics check.
- Great.
- f*ck' part of a kiosk?
- Athletics is strength, right?
- That's correct.
- So I have 14 strength,
that's pretty good.
- So you're gonna need a plus two,
so you're gonna need an 18 or
higher to get him up there.
I'll say on a 15 or higher,
Ricky can grab the bottom ledge.
- Okay, great.
And do I get extra on,
this isn't a saving throw.
- No.
- Okay.
So I just need to get—
- 15 or higher.
- That's an 11.
So 11 plus two, so 13.
- This thing, whoom, grabs Ricky.
Huh!
Hucks him.
And he, boom.
- Oh no, I want to pick him
up and take him over there.
I don't want to throw him.
- Oh, gotcha!
Okay, so in that, it's not throwing him.
- Yeah.
- Oh, in that case there's—
- Just carrying him like
some kind of beautiful divan.
- Yeah, you see it just
actually just lifts him up.
- Yeah.
- Up so that he's like—
- So give him,
to give him a step up.
- Yep, there you go.
- To there.
- Boom, that's, there's no roll necessary.
- Great.
- Still would've been cool.
- It still would have been cool.
- Is he still, is Kug still on his range
for saving throws?
- Nope.
- Okay, well, what do you know.
- Sorry.
- Sacrifices.
- Unless you—
- It's good.
- Sacrifices are important.
- Cool.
- And then,
can I also have it smash
against the balcony,
or is that too many things?
- That's too many things.
- Can you just do that and
leave me on the ground?
And that way I can just
kip up the thing?
- Are you sure?
- I'm pretty sure I can do that.
- Okay, great.
- Yeah, so Ricky,
you don't have to go if you don't want to.
- I stay—
- He can stay next to Kug.
- He's just like, Ricky!
- I mean, it looks like steps, right?
- Yeah, that's true.
- Please, Ricky?
Please get on me.
- Awesome.
So that—
- Okay, so I'll do an attack roll, then,
against the balcony.
- Against the balcony,
or against one of these?
Or yeah, balcony's fine.
- Are you paralyzed?
- Yeah, no, it's the machine,
it's the automated thing.
- Oh.
- Go ahead and make an attack
roll against the balcony.
- I like this.
Yeah, little machine, f*ck him up!
- 16.
- 16 hits, go ahead and roll damage.
- Great.
- It hits that f*ck' balcony.
- Yeah, f*ck that balcony,
that's not wearing plate armor!
- It's a DC24 balcony.
- Yeah.
- Huh, Moses?
Should have gotten plate armor
for your f*ck' balcony.
- That's 13 damage to the balcony.
- Whoom!
You see Robert Moses wobbles a little bit
as this thing cracks
into the stone balcony.
Balcony's looking pretty
structurally sound,
it's a huge, stone balcony.
But it's, some cracks appear in it.
- Okay.
- Awesome, that's the objects.
Kugrash, we're at you, you are paralyzed.
That means you cannot take actions.
But at the end of your turn,
you may roll another saving throw.
- Okay, is this con?
- This is a...
- This is become—
- This is a constitution saving throw.
- To become unparalyzed?
- You add four to it.
- So you've, your turn,
you cannot move or speak.
Paralyzed usually is incapacitated,
can't move or speak.
- This is at the end of my turn.
- This is at the end of your turn.
- All right.
I only have a plus one on
constitution, so it's a tough one.
- Nat f*cking one.
- You,
twitch on the ground,
necromantic magic seizing you.
That's gonna be the vampires.
- Oh sh*t.
- Mm, that's gonna be the vampires.
- We're just mad at this point,
we're like, f*ck you.
- This one's going to make...
Cool.
This one's going to grab Sofia.
- So I'm stunned and grappled?
- Yep.
- Life is good.
- Oh my God, well guys,
it's been good knowing you.
This has been fun.
- Hey.
- 14 episodes.
- This one actually, hold on.
- It explodes?
- Yeah, if like—
- Is that exactly what
you were rolling for?
- Now this one grabs Rowan.
- He just wants to keep us away from him.
- This one goes to the ground here.
And is going to take a swing at Ricky.
Hits, Ricky, you're grappled.
- So I'm just grappled, no damage?
- You are just grappled, no damage.
- f*ck you!
- Buh-buh-bum.
That's going to be, that's all
the vampires that there are,
so it's gonna be Sofia.
- Okay, so I'm stunned and I'm grappled.
- That's correct.
- You know, I guess I'm
just going to have a think,
you know, while I have
this down time.
So—
- At the end of your
turn, you may make a—
- A roll to try and get unstunned.
- Yes, that's correct.
- Okay.
- Jesus.
- So we just gotta fast forward to that.
Okay, cool.
What am I doing, con save?
- You remain frozen.
At the end of your turn—
- Did you have Bardic?
- I already used it.
- Ahh.
- At the end of your turn.
One of them is going to hit you for...
One, two,
for 10 damage.
Your HP max is reduced by seven.
As it drinks your blood.
- f*ck, man.
There's no
way that we can do this.
Rowan, you are hit for
your HP max is reduced by 10.
One, two...
- Are you enjoying this,
are you having fun?
- It is so wild to feel the energy
that is normally at this table—
- Mm-hmm.
- Put that tongue back
in your f*ck' mouth.
- You're a vampire!
- Put that tongue deep in your mouth!
- He's being a vampire,
he's taking our powers.
- Put it the other way in your,
take that tongue—
- Ricky, this one goes to bite you,
it does not successfully bite you.
- Okay.
- That's gonna be Pete, that's your turn.
- Great.
- You're prone, you can spend
half your movement to stand up.
- Oh, sorry, I already put myself up.
- So yeah, half your
movement's standing up.
- That's fine, can I roll an arcana check
to see what would happen if
I cast Dispel Magic in Nod
at the door on the other side?
- Give me an arcana check,
go ahead and roll with advantage.
- Yeah, that's great.
A 22.
- You can't hit Nod from here
unless you get to Nod,
but as you're looking, you're like,
tingling with your Dispel Magic,
you realize that nothing,
no spell can bypass
the Globe of Invulnerability
unless it's higher than fifth level.
However, a spell can
reach the Globe itself.
So there is a potential to dispel
that Globe of Invulnerability.
- Got it.
I could get to Nod if I blinked,
but that would be a lot of turns.
- That would be a lot of turns,
and there would be a chance
that it wouldn't happen.
- Great, then I am going to
use half my movement to get up,
and then the second half of my
movement to duck behind here.
- Cool.
- And cast Dispel Magic on the Globe.
- f*ck yeah, let's see this.
This is gonna be Box of Doom, 100 percent.
- Level three or lower, I cast it,
but four and up it's a roll.
- This is definitely above that,
this is a, let me see,
one, two, three, four, five,
this is a sixth level spell.
- I'm absolutely gonna do Bend Luck.
Cast another sorcery, a
couple sorcery points.
- Cool.
Yeah, this is sixth level.
Where is Dispel Magic?
Hold on.
- You know, when I die in this fight,
I'm gonna always fondly remember
that I finally got to use Tipsy Sway.
- Aww!
- You guys have been really fun.
- Oh, come on, everybody!
We can do this!
- I'm just glad that I got to have—
- Read your cards!
Read them again!
- I have been going over
all my cards and being like,
there's gotta be something!
I can't get stunned, can I?
- Yeah, this Dispel Magic
is on my Plugs Med bracelet.
- Ooh, awesome, that's right!
So this is gonna be, it's a DC16,
we're gonna get the Box of Doom out.
- f*ck.
- Am I gonna roll—
- So it's just plus—
- Bend Luck?
- So you're gonna roll Bend Luck,
go ahead and roll Bend
Luck in the box first.
- Okay.
- One.
- f*ck.
- f*ck!
- Hey.
- I hate these dice!
- Nat 20s exist.
- So now, the difficulty is 15.
You have a plus five
to your charisma bonus,
which is what you're rolling to dispel,
let me double check that.
- Are you near me?
Oh, nevermind.
It doesn't matter.
- You need to roll a 10 or higher.
- Mkay.
- That's very doable.
- 17!
- f*ck yeah!
- You raise up from death,
You see that—
- Gemini dice.
- You see that Robert
looks down at you and says,
Robert suddenly says,
I thought I f*ck' k*lled you.
- You didn't, b*tch.
- Boom!
- As I'm hiding.
- The Globe is f*cking gone.
- Good!
- I'm so paralyzed, but so impressed.
- Yeah.
- And I hope that you
can see it in my eyes.
- I'm both stunned and
grappled and I'm impressed.
Oh, but you don't want to f*ck me.
- Roll for Wild Magic.
- Oh, right.
Three, I keep being one
above when it would trigger.
- One above what it
would trigger, exactly.
- g*dd*mn.
- Incredible.
That's going to—
- Wait, does Pete still have the radiance
from the previous...
- Oh, the radiance?
No, him dying somewhat
faded the glow on him.
But he's back now!
Kingston, that's gonna be you.
- I walk over to Kugrash
and I pour a bunch of Holy
Grail detergent on him.
- Wait, do you, oh yeah, yeah, good.
- We gotta get Kug up.
- Yeah.
- What's that do?
- It's a Greater Restoration.
- Oh hell yes.
- f*cking thank you!
- Yes, you are fixed.
That's your action, any bonus
action or anything else?
- Mm-mm, that's my, oh, a bonus?
No.
- Cool, no worries.
- I have—
- Oh.
- Are we getting a sense that this,
that their stuff is powered by that greed,
by that sh*t we saw in hell and stuff?
- Certainly, yeah.
- And what happens when I eat the bagel?
- Oh, you go full,
it's a full f*ck' cosmic,
it's, I'll put it this way.
I, as the DM, haven't invented a mechanic
for what that does,
because what it does is so potent.
- f*ck him up.
- I thought that it was
like k*lling yourself.
- Yeah.
- It kind of, it destroys yourself.
- Also, I am gonna use—
- Yes.
- Sorry, I am going to use a bonus action,
I'm realizing that the
Holy Grail detergent
is not a spell,
I'll cast a—
- Oh, nice.
- Third level,
I'll cast a...
A fourth level Mass
Healing word on errbody.
- Let's see how much that does.
- 2d4.
Two, come on, dawg.
Six.
- Yeah.
- Six plus my spellcasting
ability modifier.
- Which is five.
- So 11.
- Everybody takes 11 hit points.
- Wait, ah, yeah.
Are we, we're really close
to his full thing being over.
- Oh yes.
- So we just really need—
- We need to f*cking attack.
- Kingston, Robert Moses looks at you,
raises his hand,
hits you for 34 points of
damage with a firebolt.
- Okay.
- At once, it's a fire damage.
And then he goes,
I'm getting real tired
of you putting people
back in the fight, Vox.
- Okay!
- You then, hold on one second,
I gotta get some dice out.
- Oh no!
- Hey, Brennan, f*ck you!
- He's looking for the d4s,
he's looking for the d4s!
- Really, stand a
f*cking eagle statue up—
- If we just kick Brennan's a*s—
- We all just start kicking Brennan's a*s!
- Turn these f*ck' cameras off!
- Let's just take a f*ck' DM's guide
and just whap him over the head!
- I want a cut right now,
then we'll cut back and Brennan will just
be covered in bruises.
Robert Moses says he doesn't want to do
what he wants to do.
- Robert Moses had a change of heart,
and he's taking a—
- I need a constitution
saving throw from Kingston.
- No!
- Is he within 10 feet from me?
- Am I within, yes.
So what happens now?
- Adding four.
- Ooh, bah bah.
equals more, 19, 23.
- 26.
- 26.
- 26?
You see he points a
finger at you and says,
die!
And this helixing
spiral of ash and smoke,
and you smell the stink of
iron and blood and grime,
it hits your chest.
You would have taken 52 points of damage,
instead you take 26 points of damage.
- Okay.
- How's Kingston looking?
- I was at 65 after the first,
now I'm taking 26?
- 26.
- So I'll be at 39.
- Insane.
- I'm really thankful for c*ck.
- That's—
- Say it again.
- I'm thankful!
- You see Robert lifts
his hand up in the air
after he does that and says,
Sinatra's Law!
If you can make it here,
and that's
the end of his turn.
That's going to go to Rowan.
You are grappled and paralyzed.
- I mean, is there anything I can do?
- Cannot take actions.
- You could give a Bardic?
- Can I give a Bardic?
- No, I will, let me actually see.
We're gonna look at—
- Paralyzed from where?
- Right, at what point
am I paralyzed from?
- Can't take actions or reactions,
that doesn't say bonus actions.
Hold on one second.
- Oh really?
- In which case, I Misty Step, and...
- Creature automatically,
I'm gonna say you can take a bonus action
if you think that you could do it
without speaking or moving.
- Misty Step on to Robert's head.
Seriously.
- Misty Step specifically has
verbal and somatic components.
- Oh, right.
- Or just verbal I think.
- Who hasn't gone yet, Ricky?
- Ricky has not gone yet.
- Sick, okay.
I'm going to give Bardic
inspiration to Ricky.
- You see a paralyzed
Rowan looks over at you,
honestly, without moving or speaking,
she's just so hot!
- Awesome.
- And you're like, I'm
a f*ck' hero, my hot—
- Save me, Ricky!
- Incredible, Rowan, we're
at the end of your turn.
You can make another—
- Just staring at each other.
- You can make another constitution,
another constitution check.
- Great.
This is not for my concentration,
this is just a regular—
- Your concentration's fine for right now,
this is just for the Paralyzing Touch.
- Great.
Oh f*ck.
- Ooh!
- You become unparalyzed.
- Okay, but I'm still grappled.
- You are still grappled,
that is correct, yes.
- Well, that I can deal with.
- Cool.
Hold on.
- Just this body is so young
and flexible and agile!
I just do a little wiggle,
just 'cause it feels good.
- A little wiggle, just
'cause it feels good!
I said I do it!
- Cool, that's gonna be—
- Absolute banger in the club.
- Robert looks f*ck' mad,
and he, Kingston, hits you again for
These vampires, one of them's
gonna take a swing a Rowan.
- I was at 99—
- Misses.
- At the beginning of this turn.
- Sorry.
Yeah, misses Rowan,
as you start wriggling
around in his claws.
Another one is gonna
take a swing at Sofia.
Hits, dealing Sofia
seven points of damage.
- Kay.
- And then the one with Ricky
is going to take a swing,
hits for five points of damage.
And that is now going to be Ricky's turn.
- Okay, Ricky is going to, well, okay.
Ricky has that umbrella.
- Mm-hmm.
- Is it obscuring the view
of said vampire robot?
- Yeah, it can still be providing you
advantage on that robot.
- I'm gonna shove to try to get out of it.
- Cool, so you use one of your attacks.
- Okay.
- Let me know, so you're
just rolling athletics.
- Is that a, do I have advantage?
That's an athletics.
- That's an athletics check.
- Okay, but then I, that
takes one of my attacks.
- It takes one of your attacks out, yeah.
- Okay, it's just athletics, then?
Okay.
Does a 16 do it?
- A 16—
- Can I roll a lucky point?
- Actually, I need to roll,
'cause this is not the same
as an escape for the grapples,
this is actually just,
oh, you succeed.
- Okay.
- You, boom.
You escape the grapple,
and you knock it into the center of
the little ritual circle here.
- Okay.
- Cool.
That's one of your attacks,
what do you do now?
- And then Ricky and Ox
are gonna run up to there
and try to hop up on to the—
- Okay, give me, for both of you, a DC,
I'm gonna say 15 athletics check.
- Okay.
Yeah, both of them.
- Dope.
- Yeah!
- Boom, boom.
- Oh, we've been
needing this!
- And then—
- f*ck!
- Ox is going to attack with advantage,
and it's a, you know, whatever.
What's it called, blinding light?
- Yes, with radiant,
or yeah, Pack Tactics.
- Okay, that's a 19 plus, yeah, plus four.
So 23.
- 23, Robert burns through a Shield spell
and Ox still hits him.
- Oh, okay!
- Ooh, yeah, waste that
spell slot, you b*tch!
- It's realistic!
It's like, aah, dog!
I f*ck' hate dogs!
I hate dogs, I'm so bad!
- I also hate dogs.
- He does five damage to him,
and then he has to pass
a DC11 strength check
to, and not be knocked prone.
- A DC11 strength check.
Hey, check it out.
Rob ain't too buff.
So what is it, DC11 you said?
- Yes.
- I'm gonna do Box of Doom,
'cause I think this is humiliating.
He needs an 11 or higher to save.
- Come on, Ox!
- Come on, everyone's rooting for the pup!
- I'm doing that thing dog owners do.
- I'm getting my Cutting Words.
- 17, he saves.
- Wait, mm.
- Oh sorry, oh yeah, sorry.
Roll, roll, no, you can,
you said you were gonna roll,
so you're allowed to roll.
- Yeah.
Want to do it in the Box of Doom as well?
- Yes.
So you're going to subtract this,
so that means—
- Seven or an eight?
- So you need to get a seven or an eight.
- Again, it's worth a try.
That's a two.
Nevermind, I tried!
- No worries.
- Trying is succeeding.
- And so I still have one attack.
- In the book of life—
- Yeah, go for it.
Take your attack.
- In the book of life, not
in the game, we're losing.
- I'm gonna use a—
- Very much losing!
- A second level Branding Smite.
- Okay.
I can't do that and a Divine Smite, right?
- You can do them both.
So, but you haven't used a bonus action,
so you can do Branding Smite
and Divine Smite if you want.
- Okay, I'll do that.
- Cool.
- And that's—
- If you got the slots for it, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- If you got the slots—
- Honey!
- Honey!
- Do it, hey!
- Honey!
- Yeah, so first level Divine Smite.
- Yeah, go for it.
- Charge it, honey.
- I gotta make sure I hit.
A 19, so that—
- Ooh!
- 19 plus 29.
- Definite hit.
- All right, so that would be—
- And he's undead, so you're gonna add
your extra d8 for the Divine Smite.
- Mkay, so that's, can I
have 2d8 from somebody?
- Gladly!
- What slot are you burning
for the Divine Smite?
- For the, I have a first level spell.
- Cool, first level spell.
So that's gonna be 3d8 from Divine Smite,
plus the d8 for the ax normally,
so that's 4d8 plus 2d6
from Branding Smite.
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
- Plus eight, so you're gonna roll
all those dice plus eight!
- Ooh!
- f*ck him up, Ricky!
- That's right, Ricky!
- f*ck him up!
- All right.
- Ooh, a lot of sevens.
- Eight, seven, seven—
- My kid got a seven.
- So eight, 16,
- 38.
- f*ck yes.
- You and your dog bound, Ox goes,
wow, Ricky, we're doing it!
We're real heroes!
- I hope we are!
- And then you see that,
you said 38, right?
- Yeah.
- And then you see that your ax says,
sire, I hunger for this one!
Let the light of justice be done to him!
You go up, wah, boom!
And Robert's rib cage
scatters out of his suit.
- Jesus.
- He stands.
The wind kicks up.
That's a $12.000 suit, as*h*le.
- That would be, what he says.
- That's too expensive for a suit.
- Yeah.
- You see, he looks furious, and,
but he is badly, badly hurt.
- And his shield's gone now, right?
- Yeah, he used his shield.
- That was his reaction.
- Yeah.
- So he can't use a reaction again, right?
- Can't use a reaction again.
- I mean, his, that aura.
- Oh yeah, the orb of.
- The orb is, yeah.
- That's been gone.
- The orb is gone, his
shield didn't do sh*t,
and he used his reaction
to cast that shield spell.
- Great.
- It is objects' round.
- Great.
So since the umbrella is up there,
the umbrella is gonna attack.
- Cool, go for it.
- Which is...
- 20 hits.
- Great.
- No, he used shield,
it does not hit, sorry.
It stays for his whole turn.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, shield stays for
his whole turn, yeah.
- Okay.
And then the kiosks
can't get to him, right?
- They can move, 'cause these,
the vampires clambered up on them,
so your kiosks can hang
on the side and go over
and take swings.
- Okay, yeah. I'll...
I'll give that a go, why not?
- Yeah, go for it!
- Do I have to do athletics
checks for them or something?
- No, they're just gonna use
their movement for this one.
- Okay, great.
- But yeah, just go ahead
and make your attack roll.
- Great.
And the other one as well.
- Dope.
These kiosks come over here.
- Sick.
- Five, yeah, these
animated kiosks are so fun.
Insane.
Cool, they make swings.
- Great.
- Oh, that is gonna hit.
Oh, I think.
So that's a 21 and a 23.
- The 23 does hit.
- Ooh!
- Nice.
So that's, 13, 14, 15.
- 15 damage.
- Yeah.
- Gee, yeah, he's looking f*cked up.
- Man, he's still f*cking—
- You know, distracted or—
- At the end of your turn,
he looks at you, Ricky.
He's gonna take a swing, he hits.
I'm gonna need a constitution
saving throw from you.
- Okay.
- Oh, but you're powerful.
- Constitution, so...
- So you get to add four to yours?
- I had 20.
- 20?
- Yeah.
- You succeed, you are not paralyzed,
but you do take...
- As he, boom, wallops
you with one of his fists,
and then he concludes his statement.
- Oh no.
- If you can make it here,
you can make it anywhere!
He holds up what looks like
a golden gnomish lock,
the circle, whoom,
glows with red light.
- Is that guy in
the center of it dying?
- Nope.
- You already replaced that one.
- Sorry.
- You f*cking idiot.
- This'll be an insert,
this'll just be an insert,
we all know that!
- The runes are upside down, you idiot!
- I know, I'm bad.
- Wow.
- I'm bad.
- Honestly?
- I turn around, I'm
eating it a lot today,
I think you're doing a great job.
- Hey!
Thanks, Zac, I appreciate it.
- I don't!
- The lock shoots in to the center of the,
just past that vampire.
Vwoom.
Disappears into Nod, you see Nod.
And the, whoom.
Key, the spectral image
of the key to the city
shoots into the lock in
the Golden Door in Nod,
and the door, opens.
Golden light spreads, boom, everywhere,
and you see Nod, the buildings of Nod
begin to buckle and snap
as though hurricane
force winds were rending
the sixth borough apart,
and the portal to dream,
closes.
Robert starts laughing.
That's going to be Kugrash.
- So the ritual's complete?
- The ritual is complete.
- The door's open, but he hasn't gone
through the door yet, right?
- Well, all of these have happened,
and the, it looks like whatever
he was trying to do to Nod
has occurred, you saw the Golden Door open
through the portal into the realm of Nod
for the split second that smoke and,
appeared,
and you saw that indeed, as
he held up this lock here,
a lock was created on the
other side in the door.
- All right.
Well, I don't think there's
any kind of funky stuff
I could pull with the bagel now.
I'm just gonna try to do damage to him.
- Yeah.
- I guess so.
- You guys think the
bagel idea could work?
- I don't, I mean, I
don't fully understand
what the bagel does.
- I think I was told—
- It would k*ll you, though.
- It makes you part of New York.
- So you, I mean.
- He told us that he doesn't
know what it does.
- Well, he said that—
- The bagel's so powerful that even I,
as a mortal, can't,
me, Brennan, I can't tell you
what the Bagel of All Things does.
- All right.
Then I'm going to use...
- I'm gonna use Wall of Fire.
- Hell yeah.
- And I'm going to set it up in such a way
that it is not,
starting at him,
and then going through here.
- Okay.
So just right on top of him—
- Yeah, so that it doesn't
hit my friends here.
- Cool.
- How long, it is...
It's, oh, it's up to 60 feet long.
- Yeah, you don't have
to make it a full 60.
- So I'm just gonna
make it over those guys,
so 10 feet, whatever the hell it is.
- Cool, dope.
Hell yeah.
Go ahead and give me that damage.
- Man, we've gotten so much use
out of these little fire things.
- I need five.
- The gift that keeps on—
- How many?
- 5d8s.
- Oh, sick.
- Oh, d8.
- Take my son.
- D8?
- Let my son do well.
- Take my daughter.
- Take my daughter.
- I think I'm, I got five, perfect.
- You got it, okay.
'cause she, you know.
She usually gives sevens.
- And then they make that sick—
- I wanted him to get out there.
My d6 summons are kind of trash,
my d8s, f*ck, my guy got a two!
- A two?
Oh my God, what are you
feeding them at home?
- I don't know, juice?
- 18.
- What's your problem,
you gotta feed them—
- Okay.
- You do 18 damage.
- Yeah.
- Hold on a second.
- My kid is never leaving the house again.
- Okay.
- And then that one is, buh-buh-buh-bum.
the wall horribly burns them.
Which way is the wall facing, by the way?
- The wall is facing—
- Can you block him from that?
- I guess it's facing in,
so that it doesn't hurt Kingston.
- Cool.
It faces this way,
this one's gotta roll a dex save,
and it takes half that much on a success.
- That's fine.
- Cool.
- Not the kiosk!
- You figure that out, the kiosk is there.
That's your concentration.
Your fire elemental's already gone.
- It's gone, it's, I rolled a three.
- Oh.
How much, how many hit points?
- So it takes damage.
- It takes 18 points of damage.
- Oh, that's fine.
So it's at 30, ah.
- Make sure it does, yeah,
track their hit points
as well as your own, yeah.
- And then I'm gonna back up
so that I'm not in everybody's
line of sight here.
- Cool.
That's Kugrash.
Then it's the vampires.
- I don't like when the vampires go.
- Me either.
Oh, which time?
The six times that they go per round?
- It's nine, 18,
your AC is 19, right?
- Yeah.
- This one can't bite you,
even though you're paralyzed.
- Awesome!
Then Tipsy Sway, right?
- Oh sh*t!
- Can I do a reaction like that?
- Yeah, I think you can, actually.
- Can I spend a ki point to
make him attack his neighbor?
- You can.
He hits!
You see that he goes to bite you,
and touches your leg, even
though you're paralyzed,
it triggers some nerve in your leg,
and you kick him in the head, and he,
wigs out and smacks that dude,
for...
A bunch of damage.
- Yeah!
f*ck each other up!
- Insane.
And then this one's going
to attack Rowan, hit.
And Rowan, it's going to deal you...
Your HP max is reduced by 13.
- f*ck, okay.
- Vampire here is going to go and
move out of the Wall of Fire over here,
that kiosk can get a swing on it.
- Great.
- And it's going to go for...
- Does 21 hit?
- It sure does.
- Yeah, stomp it!
If it gets attack, then it...
- No, that's only Ricky that
has the Sentinel ability.
You can go ahead and roll damage.
- 15.
- 15 damage?
- Yeah.
- Hell yeah.
- Oh, that's Sentinel that stops it.
Okay.
- Whap!
This thing runs over here,
makes an attack.
Grapples Ricky.
Let me see if it was there,
it goes five, 10, 15, 20,
yeah.
So Ricky, you are grappled by this thing.
That is going to be...
That's them, Sofia, that's back to you.
- Okay.
So I'm stunned, what does
stunned mean, precisely?
Is it, essentially I can't do anything,
I just have to roll?
- You've gotta roll that con save.
- Okay.
But, involuntary actions,
maybe I could just at least piss it?
- Yeah, absolutely!
- Okay, I do do that.
And then...
Does a 16 save?
- What's that?
- I'm just, I'm crossing my fingers.
- 16 does not save.
- Vampires are gonna go.
- Again?
- Yep, legendary action.
This one's gonna bring Ricky away.
- So soon!
- Move you over facing this way.
This one's going to attack Sofia.
Hits.
- You mean, Rowan?
- Oh, no, no.
Sofia.
- Oh.
My one is attacking Sofia?
- No, no, sorry.
This one is attacking Sofia.
Sofia, you take another
Your HP max is reduced by 11.
That's one, two, three.
And then, one of them's
gonna make an attack on Rowan,
hits.
- And I'm gonna do my last Cutting Words.
- Okay.
- Does anyone have any spells
that unparalyze someone or anything?
- I do, but I'd have to touch you.
- Yeah, same.
- No.
Still gonna hit you.
- All right.
Well, I wasted so many things this—
- You take eight points of damage,
your HP max is reduced by seven.
- Okay.
- That's their round.
- We were feeling so buff
at the beginning of this day.
- Pete, that's you, baby.
- Okay.
Can I do insight to see
how f*cked up Bob is?
- Yeah, go for it.
- Great, eight.
- He, it's hard to tell
'cause he's laughing so hard.
- Can I mind link with Pete real quick?
Pete, you want to do something crazy?
- Mm-hmm?
- You want to sh**t
spells at the same time
at Robert Moses, and see what happens?
- Yes, okay, wait, I have a question.
- Yeah.
- In an earlier episode,
Alejandro, and I gave him the jewel,
said if I say his name three times,
he would appear no matter what?
That was a promise that he gave me?
- Yes, absolutely.
- Could I blink to get
to the other door in Nod
and call Alejandro and
start working on this
from the other side?
- Yeah, you can absolutely
do that if you'd like.
- I like your idea too,
but then maybe we can get
another actor in on this,
we can start sh**ting stuff back.
- Cool.
I want you to, so you say
Alejandro's name three times.
- No, no, I blink first,
and then I call Alejandro to—
- Okay, go ahead, you cast Blink,
go ahead and give me your roll,
so that's your action.
- Uh-huh.
- Go ahead and give me your roll for Blink
to see if you go to Nod or not.
- Okay, it's 11 or higher.
No!
It's four!
Wait!
Tides of Chaos!
- Gives you advantage, right?
- Yeah.
- So you can roll,
that's a d20 roll, yeah.
- Okay.
No!
The same four!
- You can still call him, right?
- Yeah, still call Alejandro.
- Yeah, Alejandro, Alejandro, Alejandro.
- Cool.
Go ahead and give me an initiative roll,
if you'd be so kind.
- f*ck, it's three.
Great.
Oh my God.
- That means he'll go soon.
- He'll go in a few—
- That's true.
What the f*ck is happening!
- That is so—
- You're rolling so badly today.
- Truly.
- Give me a Wild Magic roll, Pete!
- All right.
Cool.
There's the 11 I needed for Blink.
- Cool.
That's going to now be,
this is one of those fights, I tell ya.
- It's just one of those days...
- That's going to now
be Kingston, that's you.
- There's Limp Bizkit.
- Is Sofia's paralysis magical in any way?
- It is magical.
- Can I cast Dispel Magic?
- You absolutely can.
It is a powerful stunning magic,
so Dispel,
I just want to make sure
that I understand here real quick,
because, let me look at,
I just want to make sure
that you are operating
with the most information possible.
- Thank you so much.
- You said I'm a bad DM,
but the thing is that
I'm not, I'm actually—
- I never said you were a bad DM!
- No, we're saying you're a bad person.
- Yes, no, I'm sorry, I didn't,
that actually—
- We don't like you personally.
- Yes, truly—
- Wow.
- You as a person or you professionally?
- I want to also point out that,
if you have a slot to cast Dispel Magic,
Lesser Restoration is touch.
- Yes.
- But in other words,
so I don't, yeah, I don't think you can—
- I'd have to get all up in the business
of the mack and the—
- Cool, so it is a, so go ahead,
we're gonna do a Box of Doom roll again.
- What would it be, 'cause
maybe you might not want to be.
- Go ahead and give me
an arcana check.
- Okay.
Okay.
It's gonna be 11.
- The odds would be against you,
but it wouldn't be impossible.
- You're worth it.
Let's play.
- Oh!
- Cool, Box of Doom.
- Oh my God, thank you so much!
- I use Bardic Inspiration,
or the Bardic Inspiration I have left.
- Oh yeah, g*dd*mn.
- Holy sh*t!
- Don't use
it unless you need to.
- Did Alejandro show up,
or that's more when his roll comes up?
- That's when his roll comes up,
you say his name three times,
then Kingston, this is
an eighth level spell
you're attempting to dispel.
You are adding your
wisdom modifier to this.
- Great.
- You need to beat an 18,
you're adding a plus five to the roll.
Let's roll the d8 first,
if you're using Bardic.
- The d8, okay.
- Or actually no, 'cause you don't, yeah—
- You don't have to use
it until you need to.
- Let's see how we do here.
- Oh!
- What is it?
- 18.
- 18!
- Hey!
- Hell yeah, coming
through when it counts!
- Kingston, in this den
of f*cking wickedness,
all of the power and might
bent on sapping blood
and strength and wealth and hope
from the people of New York,
you have been nothing but a tide of light
rolling in here, f*cking
dispel, revivify, gone,
bah, bah, bah!
And you, whoom, remove the paralysis.
- Oh, stunning.
- Remove the stunning from Sofia Lee.
That is your action.
- Oh!
- And then I'd like to move.
- Oh, Kingston, thank you!
- Oh yeah, I'm
gonna, I have to move,
I want to move back here
with Pete and Kugrash.
- Hell yeah.
You duck back,
, okay.
One.
Rowan, you take seven points of damage.
Sofia, you take five
points of damage from them
just slamming you with
their giant metal arms.
Ricky—
- Boys, boys!
- You take 18 points of damage,
your HP max is reduced by 12.
That is,
Bada-boom.
That's going to be our pal Robert.
Kingston, I'm gonna need
a constitution saving throw from you.
- Okay.
I'm not, I can't hide?
I can't hide.
- Ready or not.
Here I come.
- Actually, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm wrong, you're more than 30 feet away.
He's gonna hit Ricky with this.
- Phew!
- Or actually—
- What do you need from me?
- Actually sorry.
Ox is still there attacking him, right?
- Yes.
- He would have seen it, okay?
He would have maybe seen it.
- You see he goes—
- I think it's—
- He goes, oh pal.
Is this your dalmatian here?
- Yeah, why?
- Skrah!
And rips its head off its body.
- It just turns back into light.
- I'm so crying.
- It was a horrifying—
- Between that windpipe
and the ripping of a dog's head,
this is, well—
- I think he might the bad guy,
I think he's not—
- I'm bad!
- I don't know, I'm still—
- I'm not sure.
I'm starting to think
he might not be good.
- Is he taking fire damage on this turn?
- Yeah, he actually moves out of here.
- Gotta wait 'til the end of his turn!
- He gotta wait 'til the end of his turn,
so he gets out of the Wall of Fire.
- I thought in his
turn, he would just get—
- That was gonna be a real, um actually,
at the end of your turn,
you didn't move over—
- And you guys can watch,
I'm actually on Dropout.
- Yeah guys, check it out.
- New episodes every Thursday.
- New seasons now.
- Get Dropout.tv.
- Just a table full of champions.
- Oh yeah, we've all been on it.
- No I have not.
- What?
Outrageous.
- Oh, it's 'cause Trap doesn't like you.
- Yeah, Trap hates me.
Fun fact, Trap hates me.
- Rowan, that's gonna be you,
you are grappled, and
you are not paralyzed.
- I am going to Misty Step
the f*ck out of there.
- Whoop!
- Next to my boy Pete.
I think, is that within
- Not within 30 feet of Robert Moses.
- Oh, within 60 feet of
Robert Moses, though, right?
- Let's find out.
- Is it within 60 feet?
- Yeah, for sure.
- Great.
So I will—
- Hey!
- Cast Vicious Mockery
on him as a cantrip.
- Cool, go for it.
- It's a wisdom saving throw.
- He succeeds.
- Well, good for him.
- Cool.
- I'm like, hey, you
dropped this Cartier watch.
- You hit that.
- You just had that on you?
- It was in my backpack.
- That's, how many
children did you k*ll to—
- No one died, okay?
- I mean, I'll take it.
- f*ck yeah.
- Hold on.
- I'm doing a celebratory
dance with my 12 health.
- We're all gonna die.
- I'm alive!
- Exactly.
Another paragon is in the
midst of being created,
but Pete is dancing.
- Sha-da-da-da-da-da, mm-mm!
Goin' downtown!
Hey, taxi, where do I go?
- Pete, what are you doing?
- Sober Pete is much weirder than-
- Thank God.
- I thought the drugs
were making him weird,
but actually, it was already there.
- Robert Moses reaches a hand out,
does 35 points of fire damage to Ricky.
- Okay.
- What are you—
- Math in everyone's little health boxes.
Mine is not.
- Everyone's max health going down too.
- It's such big numbers as well.
- Ricky, that's you.
- Okay.
I'm going to shove my
way out of this hold.
- Cool.
You've got to beat a 16.
- Oh wait, I want to—
- On just an athletics, yeah.
- I'm gonna lucky point that.
- Cool.
- Beat it.
- f*ck yeah.
- And now,
I just, while flying through the air,
could I jump at him?
When I jump off of him?
- I'm gonna say, let me see.
What is your strength
and, hold on a second.
- My athletics is nine.
- And your strength is 20, right?
- My strength is 20.
- Wow.
That's a strong boy.
- Rah!
- That's the guy I work out with.
- I'm gonna say, I'm gonna
need a DC20 athletics check
for you to just jump and grab on to,
on to the ledge.
- Can I also make a perception check
before I do that?
- Yeah, sure.
- 16 plus—
- You got it, kid.
- 21.
- Yeah, what are you looking for?
- I'm just trying to see how hurt is he?
- Oh, he's extremely hurt.
- Okay.
So, and I have Bardic Inspiration,
I have not used that yet.
- Cool.
- And that's a d8?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
DC20.
- Yeah!
- Okay.
That's a 13.
So is there any way to get up there
without doing this?
- Oh you, is this kiosk still here
from your animation, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, actually, sorry, so yes,
you can kip up there.
What did I say the original—
- 20.
- I said it was 20.
But you didn't, I think I said 15 before
to get up there your other time.
So you don't get all the way up there,
you push off, you have an extra attack,
but you get to here on
the edge of the kiosk.
- Can I take the attack from there?
- With disadvantage, I'll say.
I was just thinking tilts and rolls—
So this is my entire movement, right?
- That's your entire
movement to get there.
- Then I'm gonna use
this d8 to get up higher.
- Okay, yeah, so you
only have to beat a 15.
- Okay.
- What is it?
- I have a 14.
- You have a 14.
- So with disadvantage, I'm going to—
- What is Bend Luck?
- How many times can you use Bend Luck?
- It's just points.
- Really?
- So I have nine sorcery points now.
Unless I'm—
- Everybody out here with points.
- I have a Bend Luck card.
- Yeah.
Ki points, sorcery points.
Pretty much that's all.
- Spend two sorcery points, yeah.
- Yeah, cool.
You can do that to—
- I can do it to a creature's roll
before the affects.
- You can use your reaction, you burn two.
You get Ricky over there.
- I still have a lot of sorcery points.
- Okay, Ricky's up there.
- Oh, 'cause no matter what.
- No matter what, he only
needed one more point.
- Oh, cool.
- Okay.
- It was a three.
- And what's, I mean,
that umbrella's gotta be
f*ck' him up, right?
- The umbrella I think is still there,
opening and closing in his
face and f*cking him up.
- The umbrella's just singing.
- Ricky, you have attacked with advantage
this entire fight!
- So is that an advantage?
- That is an advantage.
- All right.
- Holy sh*t.
Can we all carry umbrellas
with us in the next fight?
- Yeah.
- 28.
- He—
- Umbrellas, key to your fight.
- Yes, you hit on a 28.
- I realize I have one third level spell
that I will use for a
second level Divine Smite,
does that make sense?
- No, you can do a third
level Divine Smite.
- Oh, a third level Divine Smite.
f*ck yeah.
- So you're gonna do, so
that's gonna be 6d8 plus eight.
- Just give me all your die, please.
- I mean, this is his end, but let's see.
- This is his end.
- How truly...
- Six, 12.
- My boy is trash today!
- Oh, what am I...
Did my kid get?
- 15.
- f*ck, I only got a three.
I think they're tired.
- 22, plus eight.
- Oh, that's just seven dice.
Aren't you doing eight?
- That's seven dice,
oh then one more dice?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, 'cause a third
level should be 5d8,
no it should be...
Smite is 2d8, for third
level, that goes 3d8, 4d8,
and then he's undead, so that's 5d8,
- Okay, then that was right,
so it's 30 points of damage.
- Ricky.
You leap up to the balcony.
Boom, boom.
Oh kid, I make you mad?
- I'm pretty mad.
- You see that Moses
smiles, closes his eyes
and says, I'll
see you in the funny papers.
Whoom, and you
take his f*ck' head off.
- That felt bad.
- Oh, he's not dead, is he?
- Yeah, here is what I'm worried about.
He just forgave himself of his sins,
so I don't know, do you
have another revivify?
- So now he's gone to heaven or something?
- Yeah, maybe.
- Bring him back to life.
- Dale will deal with him.
- Oh, that growth was near heaven.
Oh, nevermind, I can't—
- You see all the vampires
start freaking the f*ck out,
but Ricky, that's you.
The objects go,
and on that turn...
Buh-buh-buh-bum, buh-bum, bum.
- Alejandro.
- Yay, too late.
Sorry guys.
- No, don't apologize.
- You see Alejandro goes,
holy sh*t!
What's, why, wha!
Pete, Peter, what is going on?
- He did the entire Sinatra's Law,
and he created a lock and key
and opened up a door in Nod,
and then we k*lled him.
- Alejandro looks around,
he is going to go ahead
and cast a powerful spell.
Go ahead, tell me what your
objects are doing, though,
while I'm looking this up.
- Well, the one near
Ricky is going to attack
that vampire over there.
- Cool.
Whoop!
- Whose is that?
- And then...
The one on the other
side is going to attack
the one with Sofia.
- Yes.
- Not that.
It's the one that's by the, it's up.
- Oh yes.
- This one.
And then the umbrella's also
going to go after that one.
- Gotcha.
Cool.
Your objects go to attack.
Yeah, go ahead and roll your attacks.
- Ooh, well, the umbrella crit.
- This f*ck' umbrella.
- It's hard to celebrate.
- And then...
A 12 is the highest,
the other two miss.
- If only.
- Gotcha.
Buh-buh-bum.
The two miss.
Kugrash, that's you.
- Wait, do you not want
me to roll my attack?
- Oh, did you, I thought
you already rolled them.
- No the umbrella crit.
- Oh yeah, roll damage, yeah, roll damage,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Sorry.
So it's 4d6?
An eight.
- Ooh.
You see the c*ck opens
as this one tries to drain Sofia's blood.
And your umbrella shoots through his eye,
Aah!
Aah, aah!
screaming.
- Horrifying.
- Horrifying—
- Yeah, that's what it
feels like to bleed!
- f*ck!
- Kugrash, that's you.
- I'm going to try to polymorph
the dude in the mech suit over here.
- Cool.
- Funny!
- Gotcha.
- Funny!
- Great.
You're going to make a save.
- No, they'll f*ck you up!
- That vampire burns through
its last point of legendary resistance.
- Man!
- THey had so many points
of legendary resistance.
- They all had three.
- Wow.
- Which considering this
fight has been four rounds,
is a lot.
- Yeah.
- That's going to be, you
guys see that the vampires
turn into gaseous mist
and,
begin to flee from the c*ck.
But they actually, they turn into mist.
But they do not yet move.
Sofia, that's gonna be you.
- I fight the mist.
- Make some attack rolls!
- This is some real—
- I'm technically grappled right now,
does this mean that I'm—
- It doesn't give you disadvantage at all.
- Okay.
I'm gonna Flurry of Blows on the mist.
Does a 17 hit?
- 17 hits.
- A drunk woman kicking the air.
- This is how you know
things are bad.
- Okay, that is eight.
Three of those are radiant damage.
And that's also gonna hit.
Another 16, four of that's radiant damage.
It's gonna hit again.
- Sofia, are you okay?
- I'm fine!
Another 12, three of that's radiant.
And I hit again!
- Incredible!
- And that's—
For another, wait.
Nine points, 16.
- Damn!
It's so—
- Hey, where was that?
- I was paralyzed the entire time!
- You see Sofia, as Moses disappears
and the other vampires flee,
you see Sofia grabs a wisp of fog,
and just starts pummeling
it in what the head
would theoretically be.
And is just kicking the
sh*t out of a wisp of steam,
over in a corner of the room!
- Honestly, sick.
- I'm gonna say that you successfully
pummel this vampire to death as you,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
bah-bah-bah, as your radiant claws.
- Sobbing and I never stop.
- That's the one that f*cked up Liz, so.
- Oh, okay!
- You, yeah, pummel that vampire to death.
The other two vampires, wah, misty escape,
and you guys are left here
in the floor of the New
York Stock Exchange.
- Can we hit up Em,
and see how Liz is doing?
- Yeah.
- Em?
Emiko.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, how is, yeah,
is there a way to—
- Wasn't Em watching her?
- The way that we asked
Em to go check on her.
- You see Alejandro is
looking at the runes,
immediately is like,
my God.
This is bad, this,
we cannot imagine, the door is open.
Okay.
It is still, the door is open.
The ritual is done.
There still needs to be a...
The paragon cannot come through
without a great act of magic,
a powerful, powerful spell.
Robert must have something
else up his sleeve,
something else.
- Wait—
- But he's dead.
Something that he can cast from—
- He said see you in
the funny papers, right?
It's gotta be some kind of clue.
- Well, maybe he's just weird.
- Who would say that?
Do you know who would say,
see you in the funny papers?
- Let me roll.
It's an expression from,
you face an anachronism,
Robert Moses is undead, so—
- What time is it?
- It is about nine o'clock at night,
you guys also see there's
scattered stuff up on the dais.
- Okay, so midnight,
something's gonna happen at midnight.
- It's gotta be—
- Can I mink link with...
Gray person—
- You can, or do you have
commune, or something like that?
Yeah, you can like—
- Yeah.
- Cool.
Yeah, you reach out to Nod.
- I let Nod know everything.
- Cool.
Nod says, the door is
open, I can't close it.
It's rending the dream realm apart,
something very powerful is happening.
- Okay.
- Can we investigate around?
- Yeah.
- Do you guys think, though,
something's gonna happen at midnight.
- Nat 20 on investigate.
- Pete, you blink up, boom.
Blink up to the dais.
You look around, you see,
all the stuff is here, the
water from the fountain,
Santa's list is here, the key to the city,
all of that is here, and
there's some sort of lying,
it looks like Robert discarded it
as though after he used it for the ritual,
it was of no more significance to him.
- Was there anything else, 'cause can we,
each battle had something
that he was gaining for this.
- Also, you also see
the Big Book of Bits and Bobbins up here,
it is a goofy little clockwork book
that has gears and stuff
on the cover of it.
- Any dog-eared pages?
- Can we look in it, yeah, and see—
- You see that the little
golden ribbon to hold a place
is specifically to the
page on time stones.
- Did he use the time stone
in this and discard it?
- You did not see him use the time stones.
- Okay.
- The time stone uses
energy from a specific time,
it's gonna be midnight, the
ball's gonna be dropping.
- You see in the passage,
Pete, as you read it,
a time stone is used to
power incredible spells
of enormous magnitude.
- Okay.
- You see notes written, sacreligiously,
in this religious text, that
Robert has warped something.
He has a lich's phylactory,
meaning when he is destroyed,
he reforms at his phylactory,
and he has found a way
of turning his phylactory
into a time stone.
- Oh, he's gonna come
back as a time stone?
- Or has turned—
- Has already.
- He's going to come back at,
he's going to be born in the time stone.
- So he wants to die, f*ck!
He wanted us to k*ll him!
- It also says, time stones
gain the height of their power
at specific times, dawn, dusk,
the rarer the time, the more
powerful the time stone is.
So every hour—
- So we have to wait until leap year.
Is it a leap year?
- We have two months, everybody!
We've got two months!
Everybody go home, rest up!
- Also, just like the Grand Central,
just like the Grand Central kiosk,
time stones don't only draw
power from specific time,
they actually also draw power
from being observed and being counted—
- The ball dropping.
- The ball is gonna be
the f*ck' time stone.
- That ball is shiny as hell.
- Yeah.
- I mean, obviously, not that I
would ever have gone to Times Square,
'cause it's extremely
gauche, in my opinion,
to go to Times Square.
- You can get M&Ms there!
You can get custom M&Ms!
- For New Years, though.
- All right, everybody.
- Yeah.
- The last thing you
guys find as well here
is a small contract, a little
unfinished piece of business,
which was a contract from Titania,
selling, or waving fairies'
right to Robert Moses's soul
in exchange for him doing a
favor of placing a mirror.
- Man.
She sold him back easy.
- Is, can we look at Santa's list, there?
- Yep.
- Mm-hmm.
- Is Dale on there?
- Yeah, I was gonna ask that.
- Dale's name is on the nice list.
- Is Kugrich on there?
- So he was alive at
the time of that, right?
- Right, is Robert Moses on the list?
- This has the names of
people alive and dead on them.
- Yeah.
- Oh, got it.
- Well, I mean, I feel like
we know what we need to do.
I mean, the location's the only question.
- Why did I think of Yankee Stadium?
- Ball dropping at Yankee Stadium?
- You see Alejandro shrugs,
you feel the questing blade to you says,
well, the stadium,
there we may find some of the spirits
of heroes past.
There is a boon waiting for you there,
Ricky Matsui.
- Cool.
- Okay.
- Only got three hours.
- Right.
- We have one—
- I have the Maserati.
- Sick.
Traffic on New Year's
is a nightmare, though.
- You see that the, you hear
the car outside be like,
And you guys—
- The Maserati's a creep!
- You guys, exhausted,
depleted, look at each other
and...
It is three hours to midnight.
And that is where we will end this episode
of The Unsleeping City.
- Shotgun!
- f*ck!
- You guys hear sort of
the rolling of thunder.
- Like a natural thunder, like a—
- Yeah, natural thunder.
No, extremely bad, apocalyptic.
- g*dd*mn.
- There is a very real chance that
the world will change forever tonight.
- We need to get everybody
that we know in on this.
The champions of w*r, people!
- I'm just determined,
I don't f*cking care.
- Incredible night out here in New Year's,
we're about to see the ball drop!
Man, we gotta
get the f*ck out of here!
Let's go!
- Nat 20.
- f*ck, man!
- This is the hour.
This is it.
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
03x14 - Showdown at the Stock Exchange
Watch/Buy Amazon
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.