- I don't know how I caused that, okay?
Your guess is as good as mine.
- La Gran Gata appears on your shoulder.
This is my chosen.
Peter actively courts the darkness
more than the light.
- If things get out of hand,
we put him down.
- I, like, lunge to grab the baby.
- You glow with every
color that has ever been
and Robert is flung backwards
and you teleport away.
You are standing in the
Lorimer Street subway stop.
- f*ck.
- And Nod is dying in your arms.
- f*ck.
- Epona? What are you doing here?
'Cause clearly it's not police business.
- The problem is Kingston, I
am here on police business.
- Welcome one and all as we
return to The Unsleeping City.
We are here at the Lorimer I train stop,
with our intrepid heroes.
Say "hi", intrepid heroes!
- Hi, intrepid heroes.
- I used to live a block and
a half away from this stop.
- I know I-
- I did too!
- Oh yeah, we lived,
Brennan took over my room.
- I took over your old room, yep.
- This is, what is it,
Alligator Pizza? Crocodile Lounge?
- Oh, it's right, yeah it's-
- Oh, yeah, it's right-
- It's Lorimer.
- This stop is great- although
it's crazy with the rush hour
going from the G to the L, it's nuts.
The battle begins.
We see our intrepid heroes here gathered
facing down Officer Epona Cirillo.
You are here with Alejandro
and in the arms of Pete is
Nod, the Monarch of Dreams.
Also, Ox, the dalmatian appears
next to Ricky Matsui.
You see steam and smoke echoing forth
from the cracks of the subway,
Alejandro is casting an incredibly
powerful concentration spell.
Appearing to summon the train to Nod.
Summon the train to Dream,
because Nod the Monarch of Dream
is dying here in the waking world.
You see that he is actively trying
to hold onto that spell,
it is incredibly powerful.
No active magic could be stronger
than making the MTA run
on a timely schedule.
It is combat. Kugrash,
you are the first to act.
- Can I do a little insight check
right off the bat to see if
Alejandro's surprised that...
our police officer friend showed up?
- Give me an insight check, yep.
- 'Cause, um.
Ba ba ba, 17.
- You see Alejandro...
looks mostly focused on his spell.
He seems shocked that Epona is doing this.
You guys have known Epona for a while,
she's been on the force
for a couple of years now.
But, you know, you guys
didn't really know her
during your adventuring days.
She's too young.
But he seems shocked
that she's doing this.
- Okay, all right.
I trust him.
Uh, sorry, you didn't know
what the thoughts I had
in my head Alejandro but
you're good, you're a good guy
keep concentrating, concentrate bud.
I'm gonna summon the power
of the juicy c*ck.
I need the juiciest mother f*ck
that has ever sucked
on some f*cking garbage
in some sh*thole house apartment.
- Wow, yeah.
- What is about to come out?
- Sucked on some-
- Go ahead, where do
you want that to be man?
- Just like right around Misty.
I wanna give us all the temp HP.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, it's 11 now.
- By the way,
that c*ck is spectral.
You see it appears,
he goes, All right, look it's Kugrash.
we gotta help this guy fight.
everyone be real strong
like a c*ck is.
- I feel inspired, yeah.
- This dude sucks sh*t and he rules.
And in addition to that I am going
to call upon my people, the rats.
And, use my action
'cause as a bonus action
to summon four rat swarms.
- Kugrash is in his
element, this is his place.
- We're underground baby.
- This station is actually pretty clean
as subway stations go.
- Yeah, you're right.
Oh, there is one little
splotch but there's no vomit.
- Kugrash, you feel your power surging.
We have been fighting in some places
that are not your realm.
This is the subway, this is the center of-
- I own this sh*t, you f*cking as*h*le.
Walking around on your hooves.
- That's true.
- Do you want these all around Epona?
- I would, can I do two ar-
let me do two around Epona.
And I actually, and tell
me if I can do this,
I'd kind of like to set up a
little barrier around Pete.
- Okay.
- 'Cause I want to make sure
nobody gets to the baby.
- So, like there?
- Yeah, I want them to like hold reactions
to jump forward if,
- If anything tries to f*ck with-
- If anything starts
to f*ck with the baby.
- With gray baby.
- With gray baby.
- Gray baby.
- Um, hell yeah.
- And I guess I would like
to use my movement as well
to go where the c*ck is,
to get like, up in the middle between-
- Gotcha, cool cool cool.
Okay, this c*ck right here.
And these two you want next to Epona?
- Yeah.
- Cool. Like here, in front or?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- We're all willing to die, right rats?
- We serve at
the pleasure of the rat king.
Let our deaths be a monument to his glory.
Build your ziggurat on
our bones, majestic one.
- Our lives suck a*s anyway.
- We prefer death.
So filth roils around
Kugrash as this c*ck appears
and rats scurry from all
corners of the subway.
To arms, to arms!
Pete, that is gonna be your,
and the rats-
- The rats roll initiative.
- Roll their own initiative.
- 11, or no, 9, sorry.
- 9, gotcha.
- And they have mag-
Because I'm a mighty
summoner as a Shepherd Druid,
they have two extra hit
points per hit die, so...
- Hell yeah. Dope.
- Doesn't say their hit die...
- Those rats are jacked.
- I would say they're
probably like level two
so maybe they get four extra hit points.
- Cool.
Wonderful, that is going to be Pete.
- Okay.
If I'm using like mind link or something
does that count as my action?
- Mind link?
I believe mind link is an action, yes.
- Okay, cool.
I'm gonna go back,
kind of like, now the
rats are in front of me,
just move back like two squares
if you guys don't mind, thank you.
And I'm gonna-
- Sorry, that's a bonus action.
Mind link is a bonus action.
- Oh, sick sick, okay.
- Sweet.
- Cool.
So I'm gonna move back.
I'm gonna cast Fireball on Epona.
- Oh, hell yeah.
- sh*t.
So that-
- My rats.
- Instantly f*ck her up.
- Oh, and the rats, oh no.
- It's fine.
- I can, it's a 20 foot radius
so I can put it back.
- You can move it back a
little bit, that's cool.
- Oh h* h*!
- If you wanna-
- This whole stairs-
- Hit the stairs and
catch her in the edge-
- Yeah.
- You can absolutely do that.
- That's what I wanna do.
I'm gonna ruin the stairs.
- Oh my god.
The commuters!
- Okay, so this is a
dex saving throw by her.
I roll eight d6, can I use you guys' d6?
- Yeah.
- Eight? Oh, sh*t.
- Jesus Christ.
- Yeah. I've six, I need two more.
- There.
- Thank you.
Okay, and if she fails
she takes half of this.
- Or if she succeeds, yeah.
- Or if she saves, yeah yeah.
- She really wants to fail.
- Yeah!
- Whoa
- Oh that's such a good role.
All right, that's ten.
- Oh, I love seeing my dice get five.
- Ten-
- Good job.
- Ten, one, 31.
- Whoo!
- Take it all.
- Pete, you are holding onto Nod.
You see that Nod is like
wheezing in your arms.
And they like
and whisper in your ear, I'm
sorry you didn't get a choice.
I needed someone,
And there wasn't any way for me to ask.
I'm sorry. You can have
all the strength you-
You see that Nod like
falls into your shoulder,
like sort of passing out for a moment
and you feel a power in your
arm you haven't felt before
and throw the biggest
fireball you ever had
and you see that these
fires are not the nasty
horrible nightmare ones
you've done before,
but these are like,
torches and watchfires
and bonfires and campfires
of these fires of like stories shared
and marches and struggles for victory
and the entire
subway gleams with light.
Epona is very much still standing.
But, stumbles back going
Kid, you're going down for that buddy.
- Oh, and then I use my bonus action to
mind link with Kingston and be like
I saw a recording of you
say you were gonna k*ll me. And that's it.
- That's going to be, these guys.
Go ahead and take your
attacks of opportunity.
- Oh, the rats?
The rats don't stop her?
Insane.
One of them's probably gonna hit.
That's a, oh where's your attack?
- 18 hits.
- Sweet.
- Ooh!
- Eight damage! Good job little guys.
- Yeah!
- Holy sh*t.
- Look at those little f*ck.
- Yeah you see that a bunch of,
Epona leaps over them
but you see the rats go,
For our king! And do that,
you know in rugby when they'll like
suddenly lift someone up in the air?
- Yeah.
- The rats lift up a tower
of rats to bite her stomach
and she goes "f*ck!"
As she leaps over them.
- But she is going to
take a swing at Kingston.
- Oh my god.
- Hits-
- So personal.
- She has a two square range?
- Yep, she has reach.
- She got a flail?
- Don't let her grab the baby
with whatever the f*ck that is.
- Kingston, you take 30 points of damage.
- What are you at?
- 36.
- You take 30 points of damage
and are wrapped up in
Epona's flail, restrained.
You see
she hits hard and says,
Doesn't have to go down like this.
If you just give me the kid.
Otherwise, we're gonna have
to do something about this.
The onyx badge glows.
- Oh, no.
- You knew it wasn't just the one person.
- Steam forms into shadowy spectral
officers of the law.
- f*ck, I made a mistake by backing up.
- You see that the crooked badge glows
and these crooked cops
made of smoke appear
in all the corners of the subway.
- sh*t.
- All the cor- oh.
- These two appear right here.
And each of them appears,
and then is gonna take their movement.
- You see that,
these ones, one, two, three, four, five.
These guys rush towards you
but do not have, just the one Sofia
and the one's gonna attack Ox.
- Okay, 19 armor class, so.
- Do they not, do you not get an attack?
Oh, wait, nevermind.
- You only get one reaction per turn.
- One misses Sofia,
another one goes for Ox.
What's Ox's AC?
- No!
- Oh, Ox's AC is a-
- Jesus, this is dark.
- 10,000.
- Armor class is 13.
- I throw my body in front of Ox.
- Ox takes 20 points of damage.
- Ah.
- But he has 22 per the rat-
does he get the juicy c*ck aura?
- Yeah, he gets the juicy c*ck.
- Okay, so then he's at 2 points of-
- No!
- God bless
- Oh my god.
- How dare you?
- Hey, you are a sick son of a b*tch.
- Gonna k*ll that dog.
- He's the bad guy.
- I'm all the bad guys.
So-
- Oh my god.
- I'm also gonna need Ox to make
a constitution saving throw.
- Ox!
- Wow, you monster.
- 13.
- Has to be enough.
- 13? That's not enough.
- f*ck.
- As one of these
spectral cops reaches in,
clutches Ox's heart,
Ox's HP maximum is reduced
by the amount of damage.
Ox's HP maximum is reduced
by the amount of damage.
Meaning he's-
- It can't go higher than two?
- He can't go higher than two.
- For how long?
- Who knows.
- f*ck.
- So Ox cannot be healed.
- You are such a f*cking
sick son of a b*tch!
- You are, that's not even real.
- Ooh, we're having a
ball with these bugsters.
We're having a good time with Santa Claus.
It's fight number four, baby!
So, that is now going to be Ricky.
- Yes.
- Can Ricky go into a rage
because they hurt his dog?
- Yeah!
These are spectral, that's
different from fiend and undead?
- You think these are undead.
- Okay.
- In fact, if, your divine sense-
- Yes.
- They're undead.
- Okay, do you know what the-
- You think these might
be the spirits of like
crooked cops.
- Crooked cops.
That died? Ugh!
- Can I see what thirty feet is?
- Thirty feet? Yeah.
- I'm trying to see if I can turn it-
- What is it, 30 radius or 30 diameter?
- Within 30 feet.
- Okay, oh, 30 foot radius,
this is a 20 foot radius,
so that's even bigger then that.
- Okay.
I'm tryin' to figure out what,
if there's a way to get
all four of these dudes,
if I moved here,
could I turn all of these guys?
- Oh, you turn everybody
in a 30 foot radius?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- If they fail a wisdom saving throw.
- Potentially. Epona's not undead.
You know that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- No, we want her here.
- I think Ricky notices
something's going on with the badge.
And that feels like an
important part of this.
So, I guess instead of that,
maybe Kingston has something similar.
Ricky's just gonna take a step forward
and try to divine smite Epona.
- Cool.
- Cool.
So that would be,
that's a 21 and then...
a nat 20.
- Yeah!
- Woo, woo!
- So those are my two attacks.
- Cool.
Okay, so you're trying to divine smite-
- Yeah.
- Go ahead and, I think
you can add divine smite
after you've rolled, right?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- So you can-
- You can crit on a divine smite.
- Yeah, you can crit and then be like
that's a divine smite.
- Do you have other spells
levels besides one?
- I have one level two.
- Yeah, you could do-
- You could do level Two.
- Okay, so your first hit,
yeah, what your first hit is.
- That's 14 on the first hit.
- Okay.
- 1 d8 plus seven so, yeah, 14.
- Shouldn't it be two
d8's 'cause you crit?
- Oh, well that was this, yeah
- Now the second one.
So this one, it would be three d8
plus your normal d8 so it's 48.
Is that all times two?
I think that's all-
- Four d8 times two.
- Yeah.
- So, you're gonna roll eight d8.
- f*ck, okay I got a bunch.
- I got a d8.
- Critting as a Paladin is amazing.
- Here's two d8 if you need them.
- Wait, so, okay.
- It's not even my crit
and I still feel like.
- Woo! I didn't know
what that nat 20 meant.
- 8d8 on Epona.
- And then plus whatever
you add to damage.
- Plus your seven or whatever.
- Jesus Christ.
- Plus your
seven, I think, right?
- Would it be seven twice?
- No it's not seven twice.
- Okay.
- Okay, a couple ones
in there, that happens.
- This is 10, 12, 15, 25.
- We have a really fun-
- 31
- 38.
- 38.
- Woo!
- Jesus Christ.
- Damn, March.
- You see, this- One of
these f*cking specters
hurts your dog.
You look up at Epona,
your ax gleams so bright you guys actually
can't look at it.
And, the shadow, it casts from Epona,
you see that her shadow
hits the wall crooked.
Her long horse legs
all jigsawed and
zigzagging up on the wall.
See, she goes, Ay kid,
New York's bravest
versus New York's finest.
You think you got what it takes?
- I know I do.
- Boom!
You see that she staggers back, not dead,
but so bad looking,
and you see that you
split her shadow in half
and her shadow, part of
her shadow is just missing.
- Whoa!
- What?
- sh*t.
- What an insane hit.
- Does Ox go on this turn?
- Yes, Ox goes on your turn.
- Ox is just going to try to bite
the spectral thing in front of him.
So that's-
- Go Ox.
- Come on, Ox!
- Plus four to attack.
Oh, it's just a 10.
- Okay, so you, ten does not hit.
Ox lunges at this
specter, nothing happens.
That's going to be...
- Oh, and as a bonus action
I'll cast Shield of Faith on...
Who should I put it on?
I guess I'll do that to Pete.
- Cool. Pete's AC goes up by two.
While you maintain concentration.
- Thank you.
- That's now going to be, the rats.
- Hell yeah.
All right, my children, my rat children,
different then the other children,
we'll talk about that later,
- So you do have rat children?
- Yeah, I mean these guys kind of,
but, I'm using it, you know,
kind of conversationally.
Guys! k*ll the f*cking centaur.
The two in the back go towards centaur,
or these guys towards centaur,
these guys over here to the crooked cops.
- Awesome, cool.
These ones rush over here,
these guys rush over here.
These two go to close in on the centaur.
- Okay, so I'll do centaur first.
One and a nine, that's
not gonna do anything.
- Crit
- Great!
The other one got a 13.
- Cool, a 13 for one of
the cops in the back?
- Yeah.
- That hits.
- Oh, sweet, okay.
So I'll roll crit damage first.
because I'm a mighty summoner.
So, I don't know if 'cause there ghosts
they have like, resistance
or anything but-
- Okay, these count as magical attacks?
- Yeah.
- Got you, that's great.
- Okay, cool, and then
the other guy hits for 10.
- Hey.
- Woo! So the first one hits for what?
- 11 and then 10.
Yeah, the crit was very similar to the-
- Wild.
- Yeah.
- Well?
- You see that here in the subway
it's Kugrash time, baby.
These rats, they look and
say, Specters of those
who swore to serve and broke their vow,
let justice have its day!
And they go into a little wave
and crash on these,
and actually badly f*ck up these ghosts?
- Yeah!
- Hell yeah.
- They have featureless faces
but you can imagine they're surprised.
That's going to be, Sofia.
- Okay, I wanna look at, first off,
if i move into this square
who gets opportunity attacks on me?
- Actually, no one gets an
opportunity attack on you
because you're not leaving
any threatened areas.
- Okay, cool.
Then I'm going to look at...
this, at Epona,
and I'm going to put a curse on her.
Look at her and channel the
ferocity of the feline La Gran Gata
and she is now under my curse.
- Wow, the curse of a
woman from Staten Island.
- AKA the Hex Blade's curse.
- Yeah, a string of
Italian and cat noises.
- What are you doing?
I don't think I understand what-
- I thought you were a monk.
What's going on?
- And then, that was my bonus action,
so I'm just gonna do two regular attacks.
- Cool.
- 'Kay, 26 to hit and then nat one.
- Where are you stepping into?
Right in front of her?
- Right in front of her.
- Cool.
- What does it
mean that she's cursed?
- Oh, so that means that
now I crit on 19s and 20s,
I add my proficiency
bonus to damage rolls,
If she dies I get more hit points.
- Whoa, that's huge.
- Do we all crit on 19 and 20
or is it just you?
- Just me, and just on her.
- Cool, one of yours hits.
- Okay, so, I have,
it's gonna be...
just a nine plus three.
So just 12.
- 12, gotcha.
- And then, I can't use any of these
'cause that's a bonus action, right?
- Yep.
- All right, you know what?
I'm gonna also throw up a f*cking Shield,
'cause that's a reaction.
- Oh, can you just do that,
or I think you probably can, right?
- I think it's before
somebody attacks you.
- Okay, so I'll wait.
So I don't throw up a Shield.
- Cool, awesome.
That is going to be Kingston.
You are still grappled right there.
- All right, she's grappling me with the-?
- With the chain, yes.
- Great, can I cast Heat Metal?
- Yeah, you can cast
Heat Metal, absolutely.
- Great, I'd like to cast Heat Metal.
And do any creature in physical contact
with the object takes two d8.
- Wait, you take two d8?
- Yeah.
- No, they take, well,
yes, she's holding it
so she'll take two d8.
- You are also in contact,
so if you're down to
take the damage as well,
you can do that.
- Great.
I'll take the damage.
- Yeah, I'll take the damage.
- Woo, baby!
- Wow, okay.
- If a creature is holding
or wearing the object
and takes damage from it,
the creature must succeed on a
constitution saving throw or
drop the object if it can.
- Oh, great.
- If it doesn't drop the object,
it has disadvantage on attack rolls
and ability checks until-
the start of its next turn.
- Wow, f*ck!
Okay, so, she's gonna make
a constitution saving throw
or she has to drop the object.
Eight plus- DC 12?
No, that doesn't beat your DC.
So, incredible.
First of all, roll your two d8 damage.
- Six and eight, 14.
- Nice.
- You each take that.
- Yeah, okay.
- Kingston, what do you do?
You see that you're like restrained-
You're in these chains,
and you guys can hear the screeching
of far away chains as
Kingston's eyes glow.
Epona looks at you as
her hands begin to smoke.
What do you say to her?
- Nothing.
I think I'm weirdly,
I'm not weirdly shaken
but I'm shaken by Pete's revelation.
And, I don't know, just kind
of spinning on my own thoughts
and just, yeah, gonna cast a massive-
- She drops the weapon
and you are freed.
The chains fall away from you.
- Great.
- That was an incredible
use of Heat Metal.
That's going to be, and then you also have
your movement if you want.
- I'll take a, I'll step just
on the other side of Misty.
Right here next to Alejandro.
- Cool, and she would have gotten
an attack of opportunity if
she was holding her flail.
That's now going to be,
that's Sofia, Kingston,
this little rat over
here, scurries to here.
- It's under a piece of pizza.
- It's under
a little piece of pizza.
- I haven't gone yet.
- Huh?
- I haven't gone yet.
- You are after Pizza Rat.
- Okay. There's Pizza Rat!
- Yeah, wait hold on, I'll show you.
Little Pizza Rat.
- Oh my goodness, he's so cute.
- It's so cute.
- Cool, that's gonna be Misty.
- I would like
to turn to Epona
and go, Hey, think you can beat this?
and I do a little tap dance,
that's the exact choreography of the
Officer Krupke dance-
from West Side Story.
And, using that, I cast
Irresistible Dance.
- Go ahead and give me the
DC with a performance check.
- I have advantage on a
dexterity performance check.
- Hell yeah.
- And I got, ooh, a 17 plus six, 23.
- She's gotta beat a 23.
She begins to dance.
- Hell yeah, so she now has,
must use all of its movement to dance
without leaving its space
and has disadvantage on dexterity
saving throws and attack rolls.
- Interesting.
- And then she can, while
the target is affected
by the spell other
creatures have advantage
on attack rolls against it.
So she has disadvantage on attack rolls
and we all have advantage
on attack rolls against her.
- And she has disadvantage
on dexterity saving throws.
- And she can take a wisdom saving throw
to regain control of it on her turn.
- Gotcha, so it's on her turn
or at the end of her turn?
- As an action a dancing creature makes
a wisdom saving throw to regain-
- Oh, as an action.
- So it's, that is her
turn if she wants to do it.
- Gotcha, understood.
Do you have any other
actions you're taking?
- Oh, I would like to,
I'm gonna turn to Alejandro
and be like, Alejandro,
that hat looks cool.
And I give Alejandro bardic inspiration.
- Oh, wonderful, that's great.
As you give it to him
you see he shouts at you
and says, holding onto this spell
is extremely challenging for me.
Any spells you can spare will make it
easier for me to keep the trains on time.
- Awesome.
- So we can give him our spell slots?
- If you guys throw spells
at him on your turn,
obviously you guys are
dealing with plenty,
but if you guys throw
spells at him on your turn,
it will help him out.
- The train will get here faster?
Cool, speaking of which,
that's going to be Alejandro.
Which brings our first box of doom roll.
- I like how casually you said it.
- Alejandro is busy
casting a spell to summon
the train that takes you to Nod.
Alejandro is going to roll a d20
on every one of his turns.
The difficulty for this first turn
summoning the train, he
has to roll a nat 20.
- f*ck.
- Every time you guys give him a spell,
he gets to roll an extra die on this roll.
- Okay.
- Does a nat 20 include the
bardic inspiration or no?
- It does not include the bardic-
- Do you mind if I clarify
something real quick?
Giving him a spell, gives
him like another chance-
- Another d20 to roll on his turn.
- Like, that's on this turn.
So if you gave him spells
next turn it would be-
- For the next turn.
- Got it, but it's not forever.
- Not forever.
- It's not he rolls two dice forever.
- Correct.
- Does anyone wanna give him a thing now?
- I could give him a spell.
- I think we need to-
- You guys have to do it on your turn.
- But what if our spell's a reaction?
- You could do it.
- Can it be any level of spell?
- It can be any level of spell.
- Okay, I guess, I have a spell.
I have one spell slot
and I can use a reaction to
give it to him right now.
- Cool, you look at him, extend your arm
and some of La Gran Gata's
sparkling, glittering treasure
magic flows from your hand.
Alejandro's gonna roll two d20.
Seven and four.
He holds onto the spell,
Where is this f*cking train?
- Hey, thank you though.
- Wow.
- Great, that's gonna go
to the top of the order,
its gonna be Kugrash.
- Okay.
We got a juicy c*ck.
We got some rats, but it's not nearly
dirty enough in here yet.
And I wanna summon some sh*t.
More shithead animals.
I'm gonna cast Conjure Animals.
- What is the challenge rating that,
the max challenge rating you can do.
Or how many of these
challenge ratings can you do?
- I can do one of two or lower.
I think I'd like to do
four of half rating.
- Murph you're my best friend.
- Great.
- Do you know why?
- Why?
- You call forth for the dirtiest,
beefiest boys in the world,
and our friends the albino alligators go
and charge up out of the cracks
underneath the sewer here.
Where do you want them to appear.
- I want them to go after these ghosts
that are approaching Pete.
- The beefiest boys come
charging out of the subway-
- Oh, they're so f*cking beefy.
- You see that one of
them glares over at Misty.
You see he has like a little smokey eye
and is still bitter about your
assessing its chances in show business.
- You know what kid? I like your spunk.
Send me your résumé.
- Always networking.
- Go ahead and roll an
initiative for the beefy boys.
- What is their, I don't
have their stats in front me
but I got an 11.
- Oh, an 11 is going to be-
So they're going to act on an 11.
They're actually on the same
initiative as your rats.
So the rats and the alligators
are gonna go together.
- It's crooked cops versus crooked crocs.
- Incredible, is Kugrash doing any moves?
- Let me see, okay.
So that's my action,
I am just gonna stay put.
- Okay.
- I think.
- Rad, then that's gonna be Pete.
- Okay, I'm gonna move up two squares
so that I'm more like
with the group, next to,
- Right here?
- My friend formally known as Kingston.
And I'm gonna face this way
and I'm gonna start casting Scorching Rays
out at these ghosts.
Can I reach if it's 120? 120 feet?
- Yeah, or for sure you
can reach those ghosts.
- Cool.
- You could probably
reach any ghosts in here.
- Great, I'm gonna cast
it as a third level
so I get one extra ray
and that makes four.
So I'm gonna attack these four.
- Yeah.
- Hell yeah, go ahead.
Go ahead and roll that attack
as you're gonna blast
each of those incoming-
- Is it four separate attacks?
- It is four separate attacks,
let me know what you get.
- Nat one.
- First once misses.
- 18. 10.
- You're not adding the spell attack.
Plus an 18.
- Cool, and roll the last one.
- 16.
- Cool, and so you hit the three,
those last three that you go for.
Go ahead and mark your
sorcery point that you spent.
And then I'm gonna-
- Oh no, I just, as a higher spell slot.
- Oh, higher spell slot, got you.
- Go ahead and give me, roll
two d6 for each one of them.
- Cool.
Okay, thanks.
And I only hit two right?
- You only hit two,
or you hit three, sorry.
- Oh, yeah yeah, okay cool.
Oh, I'll do these separate, right.
- Yeah, f*ck yeah.
Yeah, b*tch.
I got a six and eight.
One is 11, one is eight and one is seven.
- Cool, one is 11, one is
eight, one is seven, gotcha.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
- Dope, that's now going to be,
that's Pete, awesome.
I'm gonna make a little roll here.
- Is it a wisdom saving throw?
- No, nothing for saving throw.
You guys hear-
- This is a wild sight-
- No, no, ooh.
- And you guys see almost
clipping the tails of your beefy boys,
a train whizzes past you.
But this is a normal I train
that just pushes past into the station.
You guys, so you see the train
sort of rushes by.
As it rushes by it
actually skips this stop
as Alejandro's golden eye glows brighter
and he goes, Come on!
- So if we had been standing there
we would have got hit by a train.
- That's absolutely correct.
Big old f*cking train would
have clobbered somebody.
- Cool, cool, cool.
- Good to know.
- It'd be crazy if like,
nevermind.
- Let's all try and push Epona in there.
Epona get in the thing.
It feels too cruel, I'd
rather just k*ll her.
- Yeah right, her body'd
just be mutilated by the-
- What does the MTA employee see
is just hitting a horse cop with a train.
- Just a horse in the
center just, hitting a hor-
Yeah, just an animal.
- They would definitely have an internal
review about what happened.
- Sofia takes 25 points of damage
as Epona kicks out with her hooves.
- Wait but, I thought she was dancing.
Did she pass-
- Ooh!
- Her wisdom saving throw?
- Does the dance actually?
Yeah, she's gotta make her wisdom
saving throw, sorry about that.
- She just gets, she can't move.
- Okay.
- She can't move?
- And has disadvantage on dexterity saving
throws and attack rolls.
- And attack, did she take disadvantage?
- Oh she's gotta take
disadvantage on that.
- Yeah.
- Let me see if she still hits.
She does still hit.
- And I have sentinel also
- 25 you said, right?
- Oh, she's within five feet
so, but she's not moving.
- Oh, but, I thought it was if she also
takes an attack on someone other than me.
- You get an attack on her?
Yeah, see, you actually
get an attack on her.
- Okay, cool.
- Sick, and you get
advantage on that attack.
- I do?
- Yes, everybody gets
advantage against her.
- Everybody gets advantage.
- So, yeah, 26.
- Nice.
- Yeah, that'll do it.
- And then 37.
- One, eight
I hit her for 13.
- You hit her for how much damage?
- 13.
- 13, she is looking f*cked up.
You see, yeah, she goes to kick Sofia
and just her taking her focus off of you
for a second, the Questing Blade swings
up and your fireman's axe,
connects deep into like the horse haunch
right in front of her.
She's looking hurt, g*ng.
- Massively confused as
the first time in my life
I got kicked by a horse.
- My god.
- That sound came out of nowhere.
- I'm just over here peeing.
- I feel like every season
we gotta have Ally doing something-
- Something weird, with liquid.
just like crunching it
as it goes to your mouth.
- It's two hour long games guys,
you gotta stay hydrated.
- Disrespectfully right next
to the person who's talking.
- One of your rat swarms
Murph takes 6, 9, 12,
takes 20 points of damage.
- Oh, sh*t, they're hurt.
- Whoa, they have more
than 20 points of damage?
- They have 24 plus they're a little
beefier cause I'm a mighty summoner.
- That is a strong swarm.
- Beefy, beefy rats.
- And that 14.
- sh*t, he dead.
- One of these rat swarms is gone.
Then the rest of these
boys are coming along.
- Oh, I love these crocs.
I love that they're on our side.
- They were so strong.
- I know.
- I guess in water they had-
- We were merciful to them.
- We should always try to recruit bad guys
to be on our side in the next fight.
- It only works with like gators and rats.
- You think we could get some of these
crooked cops, next game?
- Crooked cop ghosts.
- I think ghosts of crooked cops-
- Stay away from those beefy boys.
- These two come over,
one of them's gonna hit
one of your gators...
not at all.
Does not hit a gator.
- Great.
- Then one attacks, does hit a gator,
for...
- sh*t.
How much HP does my gator have?
'cause he gets two extra
hit points per hit die.
- Per hit die?
- Yeah.
- He's just barely alive.
- Cool.
- As this-
- Only his beef is... keep's him alive.
- Thank god for beef.
- One, two,
three, four, five, six.
- No.
Oh my god.
Stay away from the dog you
crooked pieces of sh*t.
- Pete, you see that as you protect Nod,
Epona calls out, Get Nod,
get the child, the orphan.
And these two are going,
because you're protecting Nod,
they're gonna come for you.
- I reaction cast a shields.
- Awesome.
- My AC goes up two so now it's at 20.
- Hell yeah.
- Sorry, my AC goes up
five, it was already up two.
So now it's at 20.
- And now it's at 20, Jesus.
- Yeah, try and hit.
- You were a goner, and at the
last second
you see an emblem of just
like flat bubbly balloons
and weird dream energy
and singes the
hand of one of these specters.
It was about to sink it's
smokey hand into your chest.
You avoid the attacks.
And then one's gonna go for Sofie
and one's gonna go for Ricky.
- Bring it on.
Sofie, that's a miss.
Ricky that's a hit.
I'm gonna need you to give me
a constitution saving throw.
- Okay, constitution saving throw.
- Oh, it's gonna touch your heart.
- I got a four.
Oh, can I use a lucky point?
- Sure.
- Yeah.
- Okay, that's an 11.
- Oh, I will do bend luck
and use two sorcery points-
Is that a d4?
- You've already used
your reaction to cast Shield.
- That would have been a
reaction to use bend luck?
- That would have been a
reaction to use bend luck.
- Ah dang.
- No worries.
Cool, Ricky you take 27 points of damage.
- Ooh!
- Yeah.
- And your HP max is
reduced the same amount.
- 20, 27?
- 27 and your HP max comes down.
You see that one of these guys
reaches into Ricky's back,
squeezes his lungs and you
feel yourself.
And your HP max is reduced by 27 as well.
Keep the original number
but for this battle-
- Okay.
- Your HP max is reduced.
- What is your, what is it?
- So I had 11 more because of
the juicy c*ck so 11...
- Those 11 temp are gone,
- Yeah, and then-
- And then whatever-
- My 16 from-
whatever.
- Yes, exactly.
So your HP max is reduced by 16.
Epona's gone, those specters have gone.
That's now going to be, Ricky, that's you.
- Oh, Ricky's just gonna
turn the unholy right here.
- Yeah.
- And get all these specteral guys.
- Try and get 'em all in there,
maybe another train come along.
- Send them away, everyone
within 30 feet from me
has to make a,
What is it?
- Wisdom saving?
- Yeah, it's the wisdom saving throw.
- Everyone within 30 feet, okay, cool.
So one, two, three, four all have to make
wisdom saving throws.
- Get these crooked cops out of here.
- Wonderful, okay.
And it's a wisdom saving throw?
- Yeah.
- Look at the c*ck just
crouched in battle with us.
Just emitting a beneficial ooze.
- You know he's a member
of the party at this point.
- Ricky, you see, where are you turning
your attention most to?
- I think I'm noticing that they're
coming over here and they're coming at-
- Coming for Pete, yeah.
Cool, you see, you turn to these three,
hold your ax aloft, what
do you say to these cops?
- I think I say, You're a disgrace.
- You see, as you say they're a disgrace,
every part of you that
has against all odds
been as pure and made
of just wanting to help
people since you were a tiny child,
glows with holy light
and all three of them go
and begin to break and snap
like crooked things and all three
of these guys turn to flee.
- Yes!
- And then is it Ox's turn?
- It is Ox's turn.
- Does Ox have any spell slots?
- If he hit one of them they would keep,
that would break the spell, right?
So I think Ox is just gonna go,
go over here
to just be kind of a thing
in the way of Alejandro
and whatever else is coming.
- Awesome, great. Rats and alligators.
- Rats and alligators.
- Oh, dope, all right beefies.
Work on the ones that are hurt,
so I would like them
to kind of concentrate
fire on these two guys-
- The two guys-
that k*lled some of the rats?
- That have taken damage,
yeah.
- Yeah.
- So I'll have the rat go first.
He's at half life so he does less damage.
He doesn't hit anyway.
Two gators on the one guy,
I'm gonna guess 18 plus whatever
their strength is gonna hit.
- They got a plus four so the 18 hits.
- So 11 and a 22.
- An 11 does not hit.
- Okay, what do they do?
Do they do two d10s?
- These guys do one d10 plus two.
- One d10 plus two.
So six, and then I think
he might be grappled?
- He is grappled.
Actually, no, these
guys cannot be grappled.
- Got it, okay.
- So he does six damage
to this one over here.
- Ah, cool, the other two gators will
go after the other guy.
That is, what did they
have plus to hit, sorry?
- Four.
- Okay, 11 and 10.
- Those do not hit.
But they look plenty busy
with all these gators
and rats in front of them.
- Other two rats go after Epona.
- Cool.
- Don't they have advantage?
- Oh.
- They do have advantage.
- Thank God.
- Then I'll just count this as the ones.
That's 14 to hit?
- 14 hits.
- Sweet, and the other guy, 17 to hit
or 15 to hit rather.
- Roll damage for both.
- Yeah, the rats are awesome.
- Kugrash, you've been having some
struggles in the sunlit world.
Times Square is not your scene,
bodega's not your scene.
These f*ck came below ground.
Your rats, like how the sea
recedes before a tidal wave,
draw back from Epona.
She is beaten and bloodied from the blows
of Sofia and Ricky.
She makes eye contact with you
and she goes to grab her mace again.
What does Kugrash say to her?
- Live like a rat, die like a rat.
- A torrent, a helix of
rats swarms over her,
as the rats swarm, she is covered,
and as they crash down, she is gone.
Not a trace of her
is left.
- Wait, but what about the onyx thing?
- The rats ate it.
- The rats ate it?
- The rats ate the badge.
- That's f*cked up.
- Kugrash is crying with
jo- like, nobody knows
what a couple of days he has but
he's sobbing.
- Oh, Kugrash.
- Epona's f*cking dead. Extremely dead.
And whatever that artifact was,
it's in the stomach of several rats.
- I'm at 40 now, just, I got
some hit points from that.
- Just, for the editors.
- Hell yeah, dude.
- Incredible.
- Oh yeah, nice.
- That is, Kugrash, that's great.
So that's the rats and alligators.
Sofia, that's you.
- Okay, I'm gonna come protect the dog.
Where's the dog?
Oh, he's right here.
So I wanna go after this guy
to make sure he can't attack the dog.
And I'm gonna just attack him.
- A 19.
- Well, it doesn't crit
anymore 'cause Epona's gone.
Okay, does a 12 hit him?
- Nope.
- Does a 27 hit him?
- Yes, it does.
- Okay and that's gonna be...
nine.
- Nine damage.
- And then, oh how's he looking?
- And your weapons do not
count as magical, correct?
- No.
- I don't believe so, no worries.
Nine, great.
- But, how does he look?
- He hasn't been injured up to this point.
- Okay I'm gonna flurry of blows him.
- Cool.
- So then I'm gonna do two backhands.
One's gonna hit, one's not.
- Cool.
- And that's gonna be
eight, another eight.
- Another eight damage,
hell yeah
You are hitting the smokey
incorporeal form of this guy
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
as hard as you can just working
him like a punching bag.
Awesome, that's your action
and your bonus, right?
- Yeah.
- Kingston, that's gonna be you.
- Great, I'm gonna give
three spells to Alejandro.
- Great, I'm gonna give
three spells to Alejandro.
And then I'll take four,
or like two steps that way
and cast turn undead.
- I love it, you have-
the act of giving a spell
is casting a spell.
- Fantastic, I will give
him three spells then.
- Or is it just one?
- So you can use like a bonus,
you can give him like a
Healing Word as a bonus action
but you have to, the
action that it would take
to cast the spell
- Got it.
- Is the action
it takes to give the spell.
- Can I give him a bonus action,
- Healing Word?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, absolutely.
The level of the spell doesn't effect
how many dice are rolled.
So, a low level spell is fine.
- Oh, okay, cool.
- Great.
- Awesome, you give him one.
Kingston raises your hand and just-
it's like city light
shoots out of your hand
into Alejandro's golden eye
and he used it to like
wrangle the spell some more,
and you see him bolstered
by the power of your magic.
Go ahead and take your turn undead action.
Where are you going to?
- Can I take two steps that
way and cast it on them?
- Yes, you can. One, two.
I believe they're all within 30 feet,
let me just double check.
Yep, they're all within 30 feet
and you
turn undead.
Awesome. You see that these two
begin to turn to flee from you.
What does Kingston say
as he raises up his hand?
- Still silent.
- Still silent.
The undead are repelled.
That is now going to be...
Pizza Rat.
- Oh my god,
my skirt kind of matches the dalmation.
- Pizza Rat's going on the subway steps.
- What is Pizza Rat gonna do?
I cast Bless on Pizza Rat.
- I know.
- Misty, that's gonna be you.
- Ah, sh*t, well,
I would like to give Alejandro a spell.
- Okay.
- And then, the turned guys
are just gonna run away, right?
Do they have a chance to
save from being turned?
What happens to them?
These three guys next to the c*ck.
- It's turned for one minute
or until it takes any damage.
- Oh, okay then I will go and attack
the one next to Sofia with my rapier.
- Awesome, hell yeah.
So you take a step here.
Go for it, roll your attack.
- Great.
- 17 hits.
- Great.
Ooh, that is 11 points of damage.
- 11 points of damage, hell yeah.
Awesome, that's Misty.
Back to Alejandro and the box of doom.
- Now we got three.
- We have three dice
rolling the difficulty,
also lowers by one, so now on a 19 or 20.
- Oh.
- The train is summoned.
- And he has four right,
'cause he has one of his own?
- No, the one of these is his own
and then he has one
from Kingston and Misty.
- Okay, I thought you gave
him a bonus action one too.
Or you used that?
- I just gave him one.
- Ah, for sure.
- Here we go, three d20.
Actually, why don't you,
I'll roll Alejandro's
and you two each roll with your dice.
- And, a question,
can I use bend luck on this?
- You can not use bend luck on this.
- I can't see mine.
- Nope, no 19s.
- Three, one, and five.
- Brutal!
- Alejandro-
Come on, there are millions
of people in this city
that they rely on public transportation
to get where they need to go.
Cuomo!
- Can I get-
- Cuomo will be the death of us all!
Incredible, at the end of Alejandro's turn
you see that these two guys
go straight into the ground
and these three go straight up
through the ceiling and vanish.
As they all flee, but they're incorporeal
so they just go through sh*t.
- Oh, right.
- Bad-a-boom, that's going to be...
Kugrash, again.
- Sweet, okay, I got concentration going,
I don't wanna mess with my gators.
Tell me if this is too...
can I use a cantrip?
Also I wanna, basically I
wanna run up to Alejandro,
I wanna give him Guidance,
and I wanna give him a Misty Step
'cause it's a bonus action spell.
So I wanna do like action,
cantrip, bonus action spell.
- Hell yeah, you can do that.
- We can give him cantrips?
We can give him cantrips?
- We can give him anything.
- No, cantrips, not for spells.
You need to actually burn a slot
to give him a spell to cast-
- Oh, okay.
- Okay-
So that doesn't do me any good.
In that case I'll just burn a
first level spell then for him.
I'll give him a Healing Word.
- Hell yeah.
Okay, you're gonna give
him a Healing Word?
- Yeah, so I have to move, I have to,
no wait, I don't have to
touch him for a Healing Word
so I can kinda stay... put.
Healing Word, and then I guess I'll,
for my action I guess
I'll prepare if anybody
comes within range I'll
whack 'em with my stick.
Actually, no f*ck that.
I'm gonna turn into like a god damn bear!
- Hell yeah.
- Yeah, why not?
- I'm, a f*cking, yeah.
Just some kind of awesome-
I'm a Druid.
- You're like the zoo
bear that's all like-
- You see that the rats all praise you
- gross.
and as they do you just,
it doesn't look pretty,
it's like a weird bubbling,
like,
you just swell up into
the form of a giant bear.
- I would like to have darts in me
like as if I like escaped the zoo.
- Incredible, oh gray baby.
- Gray baby.
- He's having a hard time.
Cool, that's Kugrash's turn.
I'm also gonna need, by the way,
we have failed to do this.
I'm gonna need two wild
magic surge rolls from Pete.
- 13.
- And again.
- 19.
- Cool, great.
- I don't know what that was.
- So now on a four or lower, you surge.
That's going to be Pete.
- Okay, I have a question.
Can I use sorcery points,
I know I can turn them into spell slots,
and can I give those to Alejandro?
Or that's just like possible spells,
not really per turn.
- That's possible, you could
bonus action turn them
but you still need to take the action
to cast the spell to give it to him.
- Right, right, okay cool.
So, I'm just going,
can I do a bonus action
and give him that and a spell?
- Do you have a bonus action spell
that you can cast or is it-
- I have Shield again but I don't know if-
- Shield's a reaction yeah, you could,
on your, on his turn
if you want to reaction
cast a Shield at him you can
give him another die, yeah
- Yeah I'm gonna, let's see.
I'm just gonna stay where I am.
I'm next to a bear, I like that.
So I'm going to give Alejandro
a first level spell slot.
I'm gonna give him Sleep,
- Cool.
- And I'll be ready to give him Shield
when he goes to roll so he'll have-
- Oh, you're gonna give him two spells?
Cool, so you give him
a spell on your turn,
you give him Sleep,
and then, Shield.
You guys see,
where'd I put you?
Over here on this platform,
train rushes past going
in the opposite direction.
Alejandro's concentrating on
his spell as much as he can.
You guys see that these cops
that are left look at you
and begin to call out and
you see that there's no mouth
and begin to call out and
you see that there's no mouth
but the voice echoes from
them saying,
The badge is broken.
We are released.
We do not wish to capture
the child of dreams.
We wish to devour.
Let the Monarch of Nod fall
and our bondage be released.
And they call, no longer
under the control of Epona,
piling out from around corners,
from all around you guys
more spectral police
- f*ck!
- Appear.
And they are going to attack.
These guys are going for these two crocs.
The injured one is gone.
- 'Kay.
- The next one's going to take one, two,
three, four...
- sh*t.
- 16, 17...
it's still alive over here.
This one's gonna go right through
and attack the same alligator.
- No!
- And that's a nat 20.
- f*ck.
- One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight
nine, 10, 11, 12.
This one has used all, is menacing,
it's used all its movement,
it's not going to attack
but basically, you know,
barrels down on top of Pete.
This one's going to,
three, four, five, six.
And then we'll go Ricky,
this ones moving too-
I'll come over here and hit
one of these rat swarms.
- I'd rather the rats than
the dog, no offense Kug.
- Seven, 14, 16, 19 damage
to one of those rat swarms over there.
- Okay.
- The dog is so cute.
- He's still alive.
- I know.
- I know we're not
talking about it right now
but the dog is so cute.
- I know that I'm like supposed
to be protecting the
gray baby but my entire
directive has become protect Ox.
'Cause he's only got two hit points.
- This one comes right over
here behind Pete as well.
These guys are gonna take some attacks.
One of them's going for Ricky.
It's gonna be a hit.
Ricky I need a constitution saving throw.
- All right.
Oh, I forgot to say because
of my aura of protection
do I also add charisma?
- You also add that, yep
- Okay, cool, and everyone
within ten feet of me does.
- Yeah, I'm algo gonna need you to roll a,
forgot, a constitution check
for that Shield of Faith.
- Okay, so what do I have to get?
It was, I got hit for 27.
- So that's gonna be a 13, DC 13.
- Okay, got it.
- 18, you succeed, cool.
- Nice.
- So, constitution saving throw.
- Now, yeah.
- f*ck, use my luck point
'cause that was a nat one.
All right, okay, so that would
be three, five, that's 13.
- 13. You take...
You take 22 points of damage.
- Sheesh.
- You rolled what, a 13?
- Yeah.
- Your hit point max is
reduced by that amount as well.
- By 13 or by 22?
- Again by 13,
so,
- Okay.
- Now your hit point max is like what?
- 33.
- 33.
- 33.
Ricky is looking-
- So-
- Is looking badly injured.
One of these guys comes for Sofia.
- Bring it on, better me than Ox.
- I'm at 24.
- That does not hit.
That is the spectral cops around you guys.
Ricky, that's gonna be you.
- Okay.
f*ck.
If I give a spell slot, I
can't also attack, right?
Or let's say, okay-
- If you use a bonus
action spell then you can.
- Okay, if I use my bonus action spell
of Shield of Faith would it undo the other
Shield of Faith, even though, it's-
concentration?
- It's concentration.
- Yeah.
- It would undo the other one.
- Okay.
- Or actually-
- Because I'm not using it.
- Yeah, that's true.
Your not maintaining, yeah
you're just giving it to him.
So, I will rule that because
you have a bonus action spell
you can give that spell slot to Alejandro.
- Okay, cool, I will do
that and I'm gonna take
a five foot step in here more.
So these are all within
ten feet of me, right?
- Yep.
- And then I'm going to attack this one.
- Cool, go for it.
- Yeah, okay, cool.
and then 18.
- Those are both gonna hit.
- Yeah, okay, so d8 plus 7.
Okay, eight, and then nine.
- Eight and nine?
- Yeah.
- Okay, you slash that guy up,
your ax cleaves through
the smoke and shadow.
You guys can like feel the
darkness descending on you
in this subterranean platform.
That's going to be the
rats and alligators.
- Oh, yeah, two rats
on the guy in the back.
- Cool.
- 15 and 19.
- 15 and 19 both hit.
- Sweet.
- Whoo!
- I think they do less damage.
I think these guys have
both been hit, right?
These guys back here, or
has that guy been hit?
- No, this is the guy
that's been hit, he's new.
- Oh one of the rat swarms have been hit?
- Yeah.
- One of them has been badly injured.
- Okay, so one of them is gonna do full,
so 10 from one of them.
- Jesus.
- Ooh!
- And the other one does another six.
- Yeah!
- Hell yeah.
- And then the other rat, I
guess is gonna run forward
and go after one of the cops
with two gators with him.
- Cool.
- Okay, so I'll do the
rat first, only nine.
No, none of them are gonna hit.
- Keeping these spectral
cops busy over here,
that's going to be Sofia.
- All right, I'm just gonna f*ck up
the guy in front of me because
he's coming after Ox so,
let's see, 13 hit?
- 13 does hit.
- Okay, then both of
them hit for, let's see,
Gonna flurry of blows,
'cause why the f*ck not.
- Is he still standing?
- Is he still standing?
- He's still standing, yep.
- Okay, I got, those are both gonna hit,
and then nine, and nine, for another 18.
and then nine, and nine, for another 18.
- Hell yeah.
That guy's looking messed up.
The one in front of
Sofia's looking messed up.
- He should be looking way more messed up!
- You see that your
fists are not connecting
like you want with his smokey body.
- Oh!
- Are they like halved?
- 'Cause I'm s'posed to be magic.
That's why I'm not
doing jack sh*t to them.
Mother f*ck.
- Is it even hurting it?
- It is hurting him.
He's f*cked up, he looks hurt.
- Wait, but I've got Fists of Apollo
on me that's a magic item.
What are my hands doing?
- What's your hit points at right now
compared to your total?
- My hit points to my total
are 40 and my total is 52.
- Cool, so your ability doesn't trigger
until you're more f*cked
up than you are right now.
- Yeah, yeah.
sh*t dude, what if I cast Mage-
Oh no, that takes an action, never mind.
- Kingston, that's gonna be you.
- Great.
I'll take I guess two steps, or like one.
Yeah, one step there and then can I cast
a second level Command on these two?
- Sure, you can hit two targets?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- With a second level, yeah.
- Yeah, second level Command.
- Cool.
- Yeah, and I issue the order of flea.
- Hell yeah.
- I have a question, so if the rats
are doing magical damage,
can I hit someone with a rat?
- You wrap a rat around your fist-
- Can I wrap a rat around my fist?
- Tie their tails together.
- What was that movie?
What was it?
- Enter the Fist?
- Yeah.
- Kung Pao.
- Kung Pao, there you go.
- You see that both of them
screech and are blinded
by your light and turn to flee.
- Nice.
- Great.
- Nice man.
- That is... incredible.
If you want to give, on your turn,
if you want to give me-
- Get hit with a rat?
- A slight of hand to do some rat-chucks,
we can see about that.
- I'm back in the game.
- Emily the DC's gonna be, pretty high.
- Is it gonna be an acrobatics check?
- It's gonna be a slight of hand check.
- Slight of hand.
- It's not acrobatics
to tie two rats together
to use them like nunchucks.
- What if you throw them in the air
and then you jump in the air
and then you and the rats
are all in the air together?
- Incredible.
- What about stealth,
instead of slight of hand?
- Could I have, I forgot to use Ox's turn
to make a perception check.
- Yeah.
- Can I do that?
- Yeah, go for it.
- What's goin' on with that pizza rat?
He get's advantage too, so a 19.
- Seems like the pizza
rat's coming down the stairs
with a big heavy slice of pizza.
- Okay.
- That's what it seems like to Ox.
- Okay.
- There's also a lot going on.
That's gonna be Misty.
- So I'm gonna give
Alejandro my Misty Step spell
and then I'm going to
cast Hypnotic Pattern
on those three guys back
there by the stairs.
- Cool, what does Hypnotic
Pattern do, remind me?
- A 30 foot cube within range the pattern
appears for a moment and vanishes.
Each creature in the
area who sees the pattern
must make a wisdom saving throw.
On a failed save the creature becomes
charmed for the duration.
- Cool.
- And when charmed by
the spell the creature
is incapacitated and has a speed of zero.
- Cool.
- And the spell ends if they're attacked.
- You throw up your charm,
your hypnotic pattern
in front of them.
Their featureless, expressionless faces...
do not perceive the illusion.
- Ah, f*ck.
These creatures of death
are beyond the reach
of joy, wonder, or whimsy,
and the spell cannot charm
their cold dead hearts.
- Okay, well, I'm gonna turn to Sofia
and go, hey, did you notice your skirt
kind of looks like Ox's skin?
And I give her bardic inspiration-
- For this rat-chucks roll.
- Oh my god, you're so right.
I do have it in me to tie two rats
together to make nunchucks.
- Okay we're about to roll a
lot of dice in the box of doom.
I'm gonna need two d20 from Pete,
one d20 from Ricky,
a d20 from Misty and I
think a d20 from Kings-
- No, I gave one-
- No, not Kingston-
from Kugrash.
So, get your d20s ready.
I'll get mine. On an 18 or higher.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- And go
- f*ck.
- Oh, is that one, no it's 12.
- Are you kidding me?
- Give me my dice.
- Get your dice back g*ng.
Ooh, a lot of magic went into that one.
Alejandro's having a hard time.
- f*ck!
- f*ck man.
- I'm not impressed with
Alejandro right now.
- Is Alejandro-
- This is extremely complex magic
to call this train to Dream!
- Yeah, in your defense I can't hit
for sh*t today.
- I'm bothered by your whole thing.
- That is now going to be Kugrash.
- Sweet.
I am going to, deet deet deet deet.
To end wild shape, is that
a bonus action, or...?
To end wild shape, is that
a bonus action, or...?
- Yep, you automatically revert.
- Okay, I think I'm gonna
turn back into a rat
so I can cast spells again.
That was fun.
- That was fun g*ng.
I'm going to Call Lightning.
- Okay.
- Which means I'll break
concentration on the gators.
- Gators are gone, boom.
- Live on, my faithful gators.
And then I want to do it right there,
'cause it affects
everybody within five feet.
- Cool, boom.
You hit those three.
- Then it is, they do a dex saving throw
and it's three d10 on a failed save.
- One of them succeeds.
Do they take half, or no?
- They... or half as
much on a successful one.
- Cool.
- Whoops.
- 17 to each of them? Okay.
- Yum, yum.
- Yum, yum.
- Spicy, spicy.
- Well that's a tasty
amount of damage.
- You guys see that
Kugrash reaches out a hand
and the third rail leaps into
life and off the third rail-
they're all electrocuted over there.
That's Kugrash, that's gonna be Pete.
- Okay, cool, I'm gonna,
I'm still like holding
the gray baby, right?
- Yes, you are.
- Okay, I'm gonna get
closer into the middle
of the cluster of everybody.
- That's a good call.
- Okay, are you gonna
move away from this dude?
- Those guys are fleeing, right?
- Yeah, they're fleeing.
- They are fleeing, they're
under his attacks, yep.
So you're gonna move
closer to Kingston here?
- More like in the
middle, like behind everybody.
Yeah, yeah, perfect.
- Dope.
- Near Ox.
- And then I'm gonna give Alejandro again
my Shield, like reaction attack
and then also a second level spell
'cause I ran out of firsts, so two.
- Or you gonna give him, okay,
so you're gonna give him a
bonus and a first level, gotcha.
- Or like a reaction and a first level.
- Gotcha, cool cool.
Yeah, you see that you are
just, you see this wizard
trying to do this high
intellectual arcane abstract thing
and he's just got so
much math and geometry
in his head trying to summon this train
and you like put out a hand
and this twisting helix
and you like put out a hand
and this twisting helix
like a weird umbilical cord
made out of pastel light
shoots out of your hand into his navel
and his,
he just starts casting
more and more magic as
you're taking your full round
to give him magical power.
That's going to be,
no train that round.
These guys go, that guys gonna
take a swing at your rats there.
- Long live the rats.
- Honestly.
- He deals 30 points
of damage to the rats.
- Yeah, he's gone.
I think that was one of the hurt ones.
I think there's a hurt and
a healthy one over there.
- The guy in the back is
gonna take a swing and miss.
He misses your rats.
These rats that k*lled Epona are-
- Are awesome.
- Are the most fearsome rats
that there have ever been.
- Yeah, they're gonna come
get wrapped around my hands.
- These guys take a full round to flee
in both of these directions over here.
This guy's gonna take a swing at Ricky.
Hits.
- Damn.
- Ooh, can I do...
No, I already, yeah, nevermind.
Gave all of my sh*t to Alejandro.
- I'm getting, this might take me down.
- Really?
- I'm at 24.
- That's gonna be 14, 17,
- Okay, I'm at two.
- I'm gonna need that
constitution saving throw.
- Okay.
- Praise the juicy c*ck.
- So, I would add, I'm gonna add-
- I would like to do
Cutting Words at that-
- At that moment?
- Can I do that?
- Yes actually 'cause it, well hold on.
On your turn, no, yeah your turn
refreshed,
- It's a reaction.
- You have a reaction,
yeah you can do that.
- I say to him, I've watched
enough episodes of SVU
to know this is not how you be a cop.
- I'll tell you right now, he hit a 22
against Ricky's AC.
What's your AC, it's-
- 20, yeah.
- So if you roll a 3 or
higher this is prevented.
- That is a six.
- You see that as you, you say that,
I've seen an episode of
SVU, and you guys hear
reverberating through the
entire station you hear
[clanging to the tune of the SVU
"DUN-DUN"] And he stumbles and misses
and Ricky is safe, you do
not take any of that damage.
- Thanks.
- Incredible!
Has Misty saved like Ricky's life-
- Wouldn't be a fight if Misty
didn't save me every single time
- You would have had max A-
health two.
- Max two, yeah.
- If you failed that constitution.
- He's just such a sweet boy.
- One's gonna take a swing at Sofia.
Does a 19 hit Sofia?
- Yeah, it does.
- Sofia you're gonna take, I'm gonna
need that-
- Seriously f*ck me up.
- Constitution
saving throw as well.
- I wanna get f*cked up.
- Yeah, you were so excited.
- I wanna get f*cked up so
that my sh*t gets magical.
- 27, you take 30 points of damage.
- Yeah, b*tch.
- So that's magic time.
- Now what we have to
see though is if your,
'cause if your max is reduced
your ability won't activate.
So you need to-
- Oh, because it's half?
- Because it's half of
your HP.
- No, but it says,
if, where, is less than 10 HP.
- Oh, less than, okay.
- Okay, but I wouldn't be at, but I might.
And I mean I might honestly just go down.
So this is a constitution
saving throw? Okay.
- Yes.
- You're within 10 feet-
- I'm gonna go ahead and-
Oh, really?
- So you have my charisma,
you add three to it.
- Okay, does a 15 save?
- A 15 does save.
- Yeah!
- You see that you guys are
on the other side of Misty
with her like rapier out
and you feel Ricky's- Mr. March.
You see that there's like a bit
of sweat on Ricky's brow as he-
- Oh my god, if the girls
at the salon could see this.
- Okay, so your hit points
are, what are you at HP wise?
- So I'm at 10.
So I can't get one d8
because it's not less than 10
but now I get one d4 radiant damage.
- You do get one d4 radiant
damage on everything.
- And then on everything,
so then now are all my attacks
or do I still have to try
and make rat nunchucks?
- You do not have to try
and make rat nunchucks now
if you don't-
- So now I can, okay.
- Yes, absolutely.
- Yeah!
- Cool, that's going to be.
That's incredible.
- Good, that's what I wanna do.
Thank you for doing that.
- These two come for Kingston.
- f*ck 'em up, Kingston.
- We'll see.
- These two reach out for you.
You square your stance
and you watch as they leap
and you guys all, anyone
looking in that direction
for even a moment sees the entire platform
telescope out infinitely
like that camera move
and these two cannot reach Kingston
no matter how hard they try.
That is going to be, Ricky.
That's you my man.
- Okay, can I also, can I just
for the bonus action of Shield of Faith,
it doesn't mean like,
for a Paladin I can just
keep using it, right?
Like I don't necessarily have to have it.
- You need to be burning slots to do it.
- Yes, just, as a-
- But yeah, if you're just
giving it to Alejandro
you can keep burning it.
- Yeah, I'll do that and then I'm just
going to attack the one in my face
that has been hurting me so much.
- Cool.
- Okay, great.
Does a 17 hit?
- 17 hits.
- 'Kay, and then more than that so, okay.
- Hell yeah.
- Nine plus 13,
so 22.
- That guys looking very
f*cked up but still standing.
- That's going to, that's Ricky.
I don't think they're, oh
you have those two rats left
so you're rats are still going.
- Sweet, go after the same guy.
No good.
- Cool, that
specter, again no faces
but you can tell he's
confused by how badly
this is going for him.
That's gonna be Sofia.
- Okay.
- You guys see Sofia gets hit
bad by one of these specters
and the ring on her finger
from the bodega glows-
- I definitely look
up, have maybe cat eyes
- Yeah.
- And like get amped.
There's like some blood
coming down.
- Get amped.
- You guys see huge, soft, fuzzy paws
- You guys see huge, soft, fuzzy paws
made of like, they're
kind of like, if they were
made of spectral light,
like they're partially
transparent, ghostly.
Or you know like in, when
there's like a partially
spectral or translucent effect
but they're kind of like
those novelty Hulk hands
but cat paws,
appear on Sofia's hands.
- Oh my god, that's so cool.
- And, wait I'm gonna add
bardic inspiration to this one.
Okay, it didn't do it.
- It's d8, not d6.
- Oh, right!
Okay, so this one is gonna
be 17, that is gonna hit.
This one's gonna be...
- 14 hits.
- Okay, so they both hit.
- Nice.
- So that's nine, and another seven
and then I'm gonna flurry
of blows 'cause you got to.
And does a 13 hit?
- 13 hits.
- Okay, then it's gonna be seven
and six.
- Remind me of that damage, so
seven and six plus what else?
- Seven, six-
- Seven, nine?
- Seven, nine.
- Seven, six, seven, nine, so that's
- And this time it's magical!
- And then you add your radiant.
- And you add radiant to all of those.
- To every single one of those?
- Every single one.
- One, five, nine
and 13.
- You guys see-
You rend this crooked cop, asunder
- Gray steam shoots out of
where the mouth on it would be
and it is destroyed.
- I want it to be the cat growl
like at the beginning
of that Ratatat song.
- Oh yeah.
- You guys know what I'm talking about?
- Yeah.
Incredible, you feel deep
in your heart.
- God, I'm purring.
- Uh.
- Incredible, Kingston,
that's gonna be you.
- So I'll give a bonus,
we're doing a thing
where we, it's like I'm
gonna give the bonus word,
bonus action, Healing Word to Alejandro
and then cast another second Command,
second level Command on
the two in front of me.
- God damn.
- Flee.
They dare not question
you as they turn to run.
That's going to be, that's Kingston...
Pizza Rat.
- Can I talk to Pi-
Hey, what ya got there?
- Pete, as you see Kugrash
talking to this thing
you look over and remember
the little pizza rat
from the very first time
you went into Dream.
Goes, Oh, hi there, hi Kugrash.
I, I'm a little bit lost.
I think I ended up in the waking world.
I'm trying to get back to Dream.
- Oh.
- You all hear this rat talk by the way,
not only, this rat's speaking English.
- If we eat the pizza can we go back,
or do you want to just come back with us?
- You guys catching the train?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'll get a ride.
What's these guys problems?
- Oh yeah, we're in the
middle of a huge battle.
- Gotcha, right, right, right, I hear you.
Okay, I'll help.
- Yeah, I mean don't get yourself k*lled.
A lot of rats have died today.
- Okay, well, they weren't a pizza rat.
- Wow.
- Fair, Pizza Rat, fair.
- He casts a 9th level Hail of Doom.
- Yeah, f*cking meteor swarm.
- He summons a literal T. Rex.
- They weren't a pizza rat.
Everyone bursts into flames.
- I am Pizza Rat.
- k*ll the good alongside the evil.
- Misty, that's gonna be you.
- I've already used my bonus
action this turn, right?
- Yes, you have.
- To help me.
- So what I'm gonna do is use,
give Counterspell to
Alejandro which is a reaction.
- Cool.
Oh, wait did you use your reaction, oh so-
- It's a bonus action, not a reaction.
- Cool, great.
- I believe, I could be wrong.
- No, Counterspell's a reaction.
But, you could wait 'til
his turn and give it to him.
- Oh, okay, then I'll do that.
- Yeah, same difference.
- And then I'm gonna cast Vicious Mockery
on the guy in front of Ricky.
- Cool, awesome.
- Which, so I'm gonna say,
don't you need to take
a fitness test to be a cop?
- Oh, great, what's the-
- Ooh, Misty.
- And then it's
two d4 psychic damage.
- Go ahead and roll it.
- Oh yes, a wisdom saving throw,
and it's four damage.
- Hell yeah.
- Better than nothing, but he also has
disadvantage on his next...
- Attack roll.
- His next, yes, his next attack roll.
- Crucial.
- You look like you attacking
this cop probably looks,
feels uncomfortable
in the weird smoke body that he has
and you've really f*cked him up,
his confidence is shaken.
Just here with these barbed words,
acid-tongued Misty Moore.
- So mean.
- Cool, it is Alejandro's turn
- Let's do it.
- Once more.
- Okay, what to we gotta
roll, 16 this time?
- I've written down that
you guys have given him
five spells this turn.
- Yep, Pete's given two.
- Gave my only slot.
- We're rolling six die.
- One, two, three, four-
- And we have to get a 17 or above?
- 17 or above now.
- Oh did you get my, I think I gave two.
- You gave two, yep.
- I think we miscounted
'cause we have six.
- Oh, you guys have six.
I have, how many did you give?
- I gave one.
- One.
- Healing word.
- One.
- I thought I did Healing Word.
- Oh yeah, sorry I didn't write down,
yeah you did a Healing Word as well.
Oh no did you use your bonus action to-
- You couldn't because
you used wild shape, man.
- That's right, so you
get two, you each get one.
And we're rolling 17 or higher does it.
Okay, let's do it.
- Did we do it?
- 15, 14-
- Are you kidding me?
- Oh my god
this is so frustrating.
- I'm running out
of spell slots.
- Yeah, me too.
- f*ck.
- Everybody just do two this time.
- I am so-
- I only have one spell slot left.
- Yeah.
- I'm so mad-
that I used my spell on the d20 thing.
- Yeah, Alejandro's like, trying he's like
This, the infrastructure,
we need to invest
in the infrastructure.
- We can just all like
quickly use our turn
and be like, give a slot,
give a slot, give a,
and quickly roll again.
- When I get back I'm donating
to De Blasio's campaign
so we can have a god damn word with him.
- Can I give him a ki point on my turn?
- I'm afraid that won't do it.
- Okay.
- Nunchucks it is.
- You keep kicking a*s,
we'll keep giving spells.
- Kugrash, it's gonna be you.
- Action spell, bonus action spell.
That's all of my-
- That's your full turn? All right.
- That's my full turn.
And I guess, I'll get in between,
just in case anybody comes for Pete
and the little baby, I'll get behind-
- The gray baby?
- No need to worry about Ox, I got him.
- Incredible, you guys see,
yeah you just start pouring this like,
you got this weird helix of dream energy.
You just start pouring a
stream of smoke and grime
also going into Alejandro's tummy.
He goes like,
as he's being filled
with everyone's magic.
- Ew.
- Pete, that's your turn.
- Yeah, I give Alejandro
a second level slot
'cause I'm out of firsts
and then I open up mind
link with...
with Kingston,
but in that way that like,
you know when you call someone
and it's really loaded and
you both just sit there
silently but you're on the phone together.
Like he knows I've accessed his mind
and we're both just kind
of like sitting in silence.
- Incredible.
- If you want to say
something, the channel is open.
- No trains this round either.
- Don't do this to me.
- He just saw his f*cking ex-wife today,
or wait, I guess it's not today.
- This week still.
- It's been a tough, yesterday was,
it's been a tough couple of days.
- Yeah. It's still rough.
- You see two more of these guys appear,
one here and one here
and they one, two, three,
four, six, seven, eight,
Nine. Oh no eight they'll
just do eight for this round.
He goes there.
- Ricky, I feel compelled to come help you
instead of helping your dog.
- I feel like, save the dog.
- I know.
- These two start rushing towards you,
this guy's going to engage with Kingston.
- Pizza Rat, does he enter
Pizza Rat's threatened area?
- Please tell me he takes auto crit.
- Yeah, does he slip on Pizza Rat's pizza?
- Yeah, the grease slime
that's like been left.
- Yeah, those stairs can't be easy to
walk down.
- He's like, his clown legs-
- 28 damage to the injured
rat swarm over there.
- He gone.
- He gone, baby.
- Fought so well.
- Yeah.
- They really did. They do
magical damage, that's huge.
- Kingston, this one reaches you.
You feel yourself momentarily distracted
by Pete's mind link.
- f*ck, I'm sorry.
- And he does 14, 19,
plus 3,
- Yeah, I once again
would like to, excuse me.
- Yes, sorry.
- Make fun of these terrible cops.
- Okay, your AC-
- Is 18.
- Is 18, this thing got a... 25.
So you need to roll an 8.
- I'm gonna give it a go, why not.
- This is, my heart is racing.
- Oh, you think you're so
big you need to have a g*n?
- No, it's a one.
- You guys both had like a big reaction,
I was like this is great or bad.
- Cool.
- What is it?
- I'm down.
- Have you used a reaction
to give a spell to Alejandro?
So that was, 22 right?
- Yes, I'm down.
- Give me a constitution save.
- All right.
It's gonna be 16.
- You succeed. Kingston falls
as this specter reaches in.
That's going to be, your
HP max is not reduced,
but you are down.
That one attacks him, and this
one's going to go for Ricky.
- He's got disadvantage, correct?
- He does.
One of those was a nat 20,
and the other one very much was not.
- Thank f*cking god.
Takes a swing, misses.
That is going to be Ricky.
- All right, going to
use my last spell slot,
bonus action, to give Alejandro a spell.
And then...
f*ck. I guess I just gotta
k*ll the one in front of me.
'cause it's supposedly low.
- 11 does not hit.
- Okay, and 12 doesn't hit?
- 12 doesn't hit either.
- Can I use my last luck point?
- Yes you can.
- Okay, please, okay 15?
- 15 hits.
- Nice.
- One d8 plus seven. Eight?
Please die.
- Please die.
- Please die.
- He does not go down.
You take a swing, you're feeling-
- Can I take like a
five foot step this way?
- He'll get an attack of
opportunity if you do that.
- Oh, yeah okay, nevermind.
- That's going to be-
- Oh and then Ox,
Can I have-
- No, keep him safe, he's
only got two hit points.
- I know but he can come
back to life.
- He is made of light.
- Ox is gonna go up through this area
to attack.
- There and attack, cool.
And he gets advantage 'cause he's-
- He gets advantage, right?
- Yep, he does.
- And his attack is plus four to hit so
- Ooh!
- 19, and then...
- Roll again to see if you crit.
yeah, so 19, so
- Hits.
- Plus four so two d4.
- Nice.
- Nice.
- Plus two-
- Ox.
- It's tw- three plus tw- five.
- Cool.
- Good dog, good boy.
- Ox reaches up
and you see, as it sinks,
incredible blinding light
issues from his like mouth
as though there was like
a spotlight in his throat
and seers this shadow cop away.
Incredible.
- Oh wait, he's just a
steed that you summon.
- Yeah.
- So, if he dies...
- I could just summon him again.
- The last of the rat
army, it's their turn.
- Let's go after this one guy.
- I was so worried about defending him.
- I appreciate it.
- Hell yeah, 18.
- That hits.
- Ten.
- Yeah!
- f*ck yeah.
- Get it, rats.
- Yeah.
- This guy's so f*cked up,
just by rats-
he's injured, he's badly hurt by rats.
Excellent, Sofia that's you.
- All right I'm just gonna,
I can't do anything else
so I'm just gonna run forward and try
and finish this guy off.
- Go for it.
- I'm guessing 21 hits,
and 17 hits?
- 17 hits, yeah.
- Hold up, I forgot, what I roll.
- 21 damage.
- I'm going to do another six,
so that's 27
and then f*ck it I'll flurry
of blows one final time.
Does a 12 hit, no it doesn't.
Whatever.
- And roll your
radiant damage for all of those.
- Oh, yeah.
- So, four d4.
Five.
- Six.
- Six, cool.
This guy's looking extremely hurt
over by the rats, on deaths door.
That's Sofia, Kingston I'm
gonna need a death saving throw.
- I still have...
- Two.
- Lay on hands.
- Can I used my tides of chaos?
Which is one advantage on
one roll one time of day
to give to him, or is
that only my own roll?
- I will allow you to do tides of chaos.
Let me see what the,
know what, for this one,
because of how important
it is in the story,
I will allow you to re-roll that.
- What did he get?
- I got a two.
- You can take the higher roll.
- That's a three.
- Three, cool.
But you feel yourself,
you feel your spirit
as you look up and can feel
the coldness weighing in on you
and you feel something
in this spectral gray
as you hear voices around you.
You feel a hand take
your hand in the darkness
and you can feel Pete through the mist.
- Oh, oh, oh.
- f*ck, f*ck man.
- Pizza Rat.
- Pizza Rat goes up
here, leaps up, and feeds
a little bit of pizza to Alejandro.
Eat some pizza!
What? What are you-
And feeds a little bit of pizza in there.
- Rat, a little rat paw with pizza.
- So nasty.
- Misty, that's gonna be you.
- Do you have heals?
- I do, I'm gonna go over to-
I was gonna leave it for Ricky
but I don't feel like
Misty can leave Kingston
just lying on the floor over there.
I'm gonna go over to Kingston
and cast Cure Wounds.
- Okay.
- Okay, for one d... it's
four plus seven, thirtee-?
No, 11? 11
- Thank you.
- Nice.
- Kingston, so you feel
Pete's hand and Misty,
you come over to
Kingston, your old friend.
- And I'm like, Get up old man.
- You come up back to your feet.
Or, I guess you're prone and will use
your movement to come
up back to your feet.
- And then I'd like to give my final
Counterspell to Alejandro.
- This f*ck' better work.
We're all like fully out of spells here.
- I have five spells going
to Alejandro this round.
You need a 16 or higher.
- One.
- Remember how many, let's see.
He has one of his own, one,
two, three, four, five.
- We have to get a 16?
- 16 or higher
- 16.
- Can Pizza Rat help at all?
- Yeah, what was that bite of pizza about?
- He gets advantage on
his roll from the pizza.
So we're looking for a 16 or higher.
- 20!
- No f*cking way.
- Whose nat 20 was that?
- It was one of the Pizza Rat ones.
- Ah! Pizza Rat!
- Everyone, everyone take your dice back.
Yeah, that was Pizza Rat's die.
- Oh my God.
- Slow and steady wins the race!
Incredible guys.
- I guess he was as powerful as we joked.
- Holy sh*t-
- He's just slowly-
- Was there only one
plus 16 rolled?
- Yeah
- Yes and it was that one.
And it was a nat 20.
- We are worthless, Pizza Rat-
- We were only at our own dice, too.
- Yeah.
- It's got little eyes.
- You see going in the direction
of further into Brooklyn
- You see going in the direction
of further into Brooklyn
but on the wrong side of the track.
So, topsy turvy, very
strange and wonderful.
Nod bound I train approaches
and pulls into the station.
One door slides open and you see it says
[Staticky like a train
conductor] Next stop, Nod.
and all of you see this
train pull into the station,
Alejandro like collapses with exhaustion
and that's going to go to the
top of the order and be Kugrash.
- Sweet.
I am going to...
- Get on the f*cking train.
- Yeah, I'm going to.
I think I'm gonna turn into a bear,
so that I can grab...
- Oh, sick.
- I can grab Pete, and the kid,
and run towards the subway.
- Cool, give me an athletics
check in your bear form...
- Sweet, with advantage
'cause of the juicy c*ck.
- 'Cause of this juicy f*cking c*ck.
- So juicy.
- This c*ck has been here
for a full minute just flexing.
Oh, yeah.
- What is my strength as a bear?
Oh, I rolled a natural 17.
- Oh, yes, great.
You scoop Pete and Nod up.
And you rush into the train.
I'm gonna go ahead, actually,
and remove our little-
Boom.
- What a train.
- Pink seats.
- It kind of looks like
a bachelorette party bus.
- Like you get on the
wrong car in the train
and you're like ah, f*ck,
I'm on this f*cking-
- As a good New Yorker
you move far into the car
as you enter rather than
just hanging out by the door.
Go further in the car!
You rush in, you have Pete and Nod.
You lay Nod down on the train.
You see the face on the front of the train
starts to move and go, Hey, everybody,
let's take a little trip to dream land.
Slumber, slumber, z-z-z.
And that's Kugrash's turn,
Pete that's your turn.
- I'm already in, I'm good.
- Cool.
You still have line of
sight to the madness
going on out there, but you also have like
Nod to contend with here
in the train as well.
- Can I, I just wanna
roll an investigate check
on what my golden grill does?
- Cool.
- That I found.
- Yeah.
- 10, oh wait wait, no 11.
- 11, it's some kind of goofy magic.
You don't think it would
help in a fight though.
- Okay, cool.
- That's Pete.
Baddies. This guys going to...
close in.
This guy comes right through the roof.
Into the car.
This guy in through here, let me see,
he was like over here right so it's
one, two, three, yeah, comes over here.
This guy's gonna take a swing at... Sofia.
- Bring it on.
- That's a miss.
- Yeah!
He's gonna take a swing at Kingston.
That's a miss.
And the two in here are both
gonna take swings at Pete.
- f*ck.
- One hits, Pete you take...
seven, nine, 16, you
take 20 points of damage.
- Okay.
- As one of them hits you there,
- Constitution, or?
- Yeah, give me that constitution save.
- 11, oh no sorry, more.
- 13.
- 13.
Oh, you got a full 13?
- Yeah.
- 11 plus 2.
- 11 plus 2?
Oh, rad, okay yeah.
No wait your constitution save-
- Yeah, 16.
- Yeah, your HP max, you take the damage
but your HP max is not reduced.
That is now going to be,
that's one, two, three, four,
they take those attacks,
you guys also see...
two more appear over here.
- They all gotta go.
- Two more appear over here.
That's going to be Ricky.
- Okay, Ricky...
and Ox are gonna run onto the train.
- Cool.
- And on the train Ricky's gonna
cast Suggestion on this one.
- Cool.
Oh, 'cause it's his weapons thing.
And tell him to, Hey, they
want you at the station.
- Cool.
- He goes and does not move.
- No, okay.
Well, okay, that takes my action right?
- That's your action, yeah.
- Okay, so the other, so Ox is gonna
attack the one closest to him.
And he has advantage on it
'cause he's next to an ally.
- Great, go for it.
- 19.
- That's gonna hit.
- So, let's see, d4?
- Two d4 plus one.
- Four,
four.
- Hey, f*ck yeah.
- Plus two, actually.
- Oh yeah, reaches up and
bites that specter there.
Yeah, Ox attacks that creature,
that's gonna be the rats yet again.
- Hell yeah, go on after this guy.
- 14?
- 14 hits.
- Rats, do it rats.
- 6.
- Yeah.
- Come on, rats.
- Is he still standing there?
- You gotta be f*cking kidding me.
- Yeah!
To arms, to arms my brothers!
- This is insane.
- Big k*ll for the rats.
- The rats turn to you as they envelope
this cop and shred it apart
and you see that they seem to be doing it
because the onyx badge is there.
They seem to suck this
cop back into the badge.
They go, Safe voyage, king.
May our kingdom live long.
For the rats, the rats
of the city salute you.
and you see that one of them in front says
The battle is not yet over.
Let our king retreat
while we hold the line!
Though we die, he yet lives!
And they turn to-
- You brave b*stards.
- Sofia that's you.
- All right, I'm f*ck'
runnin' right into this,
kickin in', what time
is it? It's show time.
- Flurry of blows on someone.
I'm doin' a little swing around
and then flurry of blowsin'.
- Hell yeah.
- Okay, that's gonna
hit, a 21, another 21.
- Hell yeah.
- Let's see...
Eight plus 12, 20, plus...
that's with my radiant damage
and now I have to do my...
- Your flurry.
- My other.
- You have ki points left or no?
- Yeah.
- Okay, cool.
- Okay, those both hit.
- Oh my god.
- So, 16, 19, 20.
No, so 20, 48.
- Woo!
- What?
- This guy is on death's door
in one set of attacks, see Ox bites him,
you come in and swing, show time!
- What time
is it? It's show time.
What time is it? It's show time.
What time is it?
- I use Minor Illusion
to create a boom box.
- As- Every New Yorkers' worst fear,
getting kicked in the
face by a showtime dancer-
- I would like to say that all of this
happened while I was
like doing B-boy moves.
- That guy is badly, badly hurt.
Kingston, that is you.
- Can I see the guys in the train?
- Yes you can.
- Can I cast a third level
Command on all three,
the one in front of me and
then the two in the train?
- Yes you can.
- Sheesh.
- Yeah.
- Already tired
of these f*cking ghosts.
- What do you say to them?
- Get out of here.
And then I'll use my
movement to get on the train.
- Can you scoop the pizza rat?
- Oh, you know I scoop Pizza Rat.
- Yeah!
- You scoop Pizza Rat.
- Cute!
- He's on a little bench next to you.
- You get on the train.
That's Kingston, Pizza
Rat, that's his turn.
Misty that's gonna be you.
- I'm gonna get on the god damn train.
There's not really much I can do-
I guess I'll cast, I mean
they're running away, right?
And we're gonna just be on the train?
I'll cast another Cure
Wounds on Kingston, why not?
Is everybody else, how's
everybody else doing?
- I'm at a 10, but
- Or maybe I can-
- I'm fine to be there for a bit.
Right 'cause it's like
giving you magical abilities?
- Yeah.
- Yeah so I'll cast another
Cure Wounds on Kingston.
for eight.
- Eight.
- Better than nothing.
- I need to get a little
f*cked up to get magic.
- Incredible. Misty jumps on the train,
you know your boy Alejandro
jumps into the train as well.
- What about the juicy c*ck?
- Yeah.
- He just like
gets unsummoned, right?
- It's a bonus
action, can you move-?
- He's not gonna be fast enough.
- That is going to be back to Kugrash.
- Okay.
- You look and see that the
two spectral police officers
look like they've been
adjured by Kingston.
- Okay.
- How do we get this train out of here?
- Yeah, can I...
- Yeah, just like...
- Can we, uh, go?
- Cool, you, boom.
Pete you also have an action
if you want to do anything here.
Or you can just wait for the, you know.
- Take out my g*n and
I sh**t Kingston's leg.
- What are you thinking?
- You also have been,
have you just been giving-
- I'm kidding.
- Oh, that's very funny.
Also I'm gonna need wild
magic for the last two rounds.
- Oh, but if I've just
been giving my spell slots?
- Yeah, I think it's still
an act of magic so go ahead-
- Two.
- f*ck.
- Watch this be the first
time it's ever something bad.
- So close to you, f*ck man.
- The first time ever it f*ck us over.
- Oh, baby, incredible.
Well, one second.
- The amount of time that we
were all just sitting in...
- Jesus Christ.
- I sh**t Kingston, there's no,
Brennan wasn't moving forward.
You weren't saying anything else,
so I was like, okay, Pizza Rat?
- Pizza Rat help.
- Pizza Rat help
me. Pizza Rat save me.
- Pizza Rat jumps in front of your legs.
- I sh**t Pizza Rat.
- I'm worried how concentrated he is-
- I have to read it,
this is from the table.
A unicorn controlled by
the DM appears in a space
within five feet of you then
disappears one minute later.
The unicorn from the moon bridge appears.
- Oh, cool.
- And goes, Hey sugar, you
want this train to move?
Let's kick it into top
gear, what do you say?
- I say yeah, let's do it.
- Hell yeah, brother, let's do this.
And you see, you hear,
Stand clear
of the closing doors, please.
The train rockets. These
two both disappear,
The train rockets. These
two both disappear,
incorporeally.
Yeah, you see that these
rats charge as all these
specters go and, charge
of the light brigade.
You, Kugrash, hear sorrowful music.
- One bear paw on the glass.
- Aw, you're a bear.
- And the train rockets
off with unicorn magic
faster than you've ever seen
a New York City subway move.
As you race into Brooklyn.
We are out of combat,
and the train moves
station, after station,
and the train moves
station, after station,
until you stop recognizing the names.
The tracks begin to buckle
and bend and
all of a sudden you're
not underground anymore.
You're far far up in the sky
and a roller coaster,
moves the train.
and a roller coaster,
moves the train.
You see a New York unlike
any you've ever seen before.
Snow swirls up from the
ground and into the sky,
and a normally starless New York City sky
is now filled with stars.
Strange constellations,
bright and wondrous
that you've never seen.
As the train moves, you see
on the bench next to you, Nod,
the orphan of dreams, opens
their mouth...
and breathes.
- I have my like CPR mask.
- It's like as big as its face.
- Alejandro sits on a bench
just sweating,
Pizza Rat goes, Oh
good, we're here, great.
Bing, the doors open, All right, I'm home,
see you guys, Pete,
thanks for the ride, kid.
- Yeah, of course.
- You see Alejandro
says, Thanks to the rat
I summoned the train.
and then Pizza Rat mosies on out
but you see this is the
last stop on the line
so the train is actually going to be here
for a few minutes, you've
reached the end of the line.
Looking out again, it is a chilly night
but it is not freezing cold.
Instead it is a cold that is otherworldly.
It's the first blast of winter air
that makes you wake up and feel alive
coming in from the dream realm.
And as you look out and you
see no pavement or sidewalk,
but just a little whisper
of mist covering the ground
as though you were walking
on the surface of a cloud.
Out there in the dream land,
minds of sleeping people cavort and laugh
and make merry but also
scheme and fear and dread.
This is a realm of pure magic.
Beyond the ken of the mortal world.
As the train stops, you hear a voice
from the front of the train go,
Well, we're here g*ng.
You're welcome to sleep on our fuzzy seats
but if you like you can
also go out and find
big old bakeries full of dream pies.
And those buns you like, Misty Moore.
- I'm walkin' out.
- I mean, I'm going out.
I've never even, I've been
in New York for, it's been
a long time since I've been to Nod.
- I think I step on the cloud
just to make sure it's safe.
Come on guys, it's all right, it's sturdy.
- I touch Ricky's very
juicy arms as I step down.
- What's up?
- Pretend I'm like frailer than I am.
So that I can grope him a little.
- Me too, me too.
- Do I still have my mind link open?
- I didn't hear Pete cancel it.
- As we walk off the train,
I make eye contact with pete
and in my mind say,
I owe you an explanation and an apology.
- I'm holding the baby and I'm like
okay, before we go any further,
I like step off too, but I
want to hear what's going on.
- You see that Nod awakens in your
arms.
And this strange alien child
with jet black eyes
and gray skin, that is the
spirit of all the lost children
that have ever lived in New York,
whispers up to you as they awake
and says,
All can be explained.
All can be answered here.
While you walk in the Sixth Borough,
you walk with my blessing.
I will not see you come
to harm in my realm.
As Kingston has said, I too,
owe you an explanation and an apology.
Brave heroes, gifted and
skilled in the ways of magic,
denizens of the Unsleeping City.
Each of you crosses the boundary
from one side to the other,
though your allegiances may lie
more with one than the other.
This is a dangerous realm
to those that fear change.
To those that are
unwelcome to the shifting
and movements of dream
and the ephemeral nature
of the mind and its
hearts deepest desires.
Come, let us walk here
in the Sixth Borough.
There is a diner around the
corner that should be open.
If you guys want to get food,
but I also understand
if you're not hungry.
- I could eat.
- I'm starving.
- I just wanna ask, is this a situation
where if we eat here, we can't leave?
- No, you are thinking
of your realm; Fairy.
- You know what, we just
have a lot in common
I just wanted to make sure.
- I know, Fairy used to be in my dominion.
You see that Nod's black eyes sink
a little bit blacker and swallow light.
And then Nod goes
But, there are no hard feelings.
Fairy suffered the fate of all the things
that have left my realm.
The fate of becoming real.
Come, let's go get some food.
I'm hungry as hell and could use a bite.
You see that Nod looks up at you and says,
Also, I don't have any
money 'cause I'm a kid.
- Yeah, can you eat solid food?
How big of a baby are you?
What kind of a baby are we talking here?
- I've never called myself a baby,
did someone call me a baby?
You see Alejandro says,
Everyone be cool, shut up.
- Yeah, we called you gray...
- Teen.
- One.
- Gray one.
- Gray one.
- My title is The Gray Orphan.
- Oh.
- Does that help?
- Are you related to The Gray Lady?
You know, in the New York Times?
- A paper of record, all
news that's fit to print.
- Yeah, a different gray family or-?
- The very first New York
Times was stolen from me.
- Woo.
- But it's okay, I don't
hold grudges like that.
- Yay.
- Oh, okay.
- I've got a credit card,
we can put it on my card.
- Wonderful.
- Yeah, I'm good for it.
- Oh, I have a ton of
money, I have so much money.
- There is a pretty hefty foreign
transaction fee here in the Sixth Borough.
- Honestly, it'd be nice to
spend money on something.
- Very good, come, let us walk.
You see that the orphan just slides
through the mist as
though on a conveyor belt
and does not move their hands
and just stares straight ahead
as they, through the mist.
- Cool.
- All right, guys.
Pete, I don't know
exactly how we got to this
where you have this gray baby
but I feel like there's
been a lot of secrets
with all of us, and we gotta start
trusting each other, or else.
- I've been a pretty
open book, personally.
- Except for Sofie and Ricky.
- I gave you my one secret.
That I went to high school
and then became a firefighter.
- It's not a secret,
that's just a normal life.
- It would be helpful though to know
like what was going on with everyone.
- Yes, so Pete, I understand that you
have a hard time trusting people
and you should because, we've...
been keeping things from you.
- Oh yeah I'll tell you about me.
- We've been, I was a
white collar criminal.
I was a bad person
and I... took money that I was
supposed to invest.
I was an investor, I took money
I was supposed to invest
from a school, for a school,
I leveraged against it.
Screwed a lot of people over.
Gabriella Sinclaire, your
crush's mom, was my partner,
and I screwed her over and
she turned me into a rat.
She's a witch, so she could also
have something to do with this.
- Ooh.
- And I know-
- How do you know I have a crush?
- It's-
- I didn't talk about-
- Oh, you,
this is a secret, man.
- You did-
- Sweet summer child.
- Well, I just haven't
said it loud, in that way.
With you guys.
- And that's where we're going to end
this episode of the Unsleeping City.
Tune in next week for
the exciting conclusion
and revelation of Ricky Matsui's crush.
What the hell?
- What the hell?
- Wow!
- See you next week, g*ng.
The shimmering star filled
skies of the Sixth Borough
snow rising from the streets,
into the celestial heights.
All of you exit the I train.
Ah, dang, this is not Canarsie!
- This is my son, Wally.
- And you see thousands of little rat men
all wearing suits start
running
- I don't like this place,
I would like to leave.
- Something was able to tip them off.
- And what was that, gray baby?
- I would thank you not
to call me that again.
You feel something change in the Dreaming.
"Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir!"
- What the actual f*ck?
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03x08 - Subway Skirmish
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.